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Thoughts Personal Account

Hannah Capps

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2006
Messages
1,023
So he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when he had spit on his eyes and put his hands on him, he asked him if he saw anything. Mark 8:23

My heart is heavy for my generation. The Lord God of Heaven, Jesus the Name above all, came for the broken, the weary, and those in prison. To set captives free. These are not just fancy words that even some of you may be aware of; they are indeed true. I’ve lived through 2020 to 2023 wanting to end my life at least two times, but Jesus raised me from my own demolition. For this reason, He has all my days written in His book about me. As He does for every human who walks the earth. He came not to condemn the world but to set her free.

I’ve no right to end my life before God’s timing; He alone knows and has carried my sorrows. My heart aches for my generation. Being a 40-year-old "elder-millennial,” I now see what Psalm 90 verse 12 means.

So teach us to number our days.
That we may cultivate and bring to you a heart of wisdom.


What is this heart of wisdom God wants?

Because this people approaches me only with their words
And honors Me [only] with their lip service,
But they remove their hearts far from me.
And their reverence for Me is a tradition that is learned by rote [without any regard for its meaning]
Isaiah 29:13


Another clue is Proverbs 1:7.

The [reverent] respect of the Lord [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of wisdom [its starting point and its essence].
But arrogant fools hate [skillful and godly] wisdom, instruction, and self-discipline.

Therefore, in Revelation 12:11,
I’ve agonizingly survived.

And they overcame and conquered him (Satan) because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, for they did not love their lives and renounce their faith even when faced with death.

So, with the above in mind, how do I apply this? Well, honestly, I’ve known these verses but have only recently applied them. I was slogging through Psalm 23 verse 4.

Even when walking through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way.


And man, was it dark. To say that those who follow Jesus don’t struggle is a lie. My self-harm got worse, and my anger and anguish towards myself reached it's peak.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see any way out, save for exiting on my own terms, because the hurt I was going through was unspeakable.

Recently, I re-watched Crawling [Official One More Light Live] - Linkin Park. Now knowing what John 11:35 meant.

Jesus wept.

Chester was reaching out; they were touching him because he touched them. An excruciating point of reference. Likewise, Jesus touched the lives of many and still does. I see Chester as a type of John the Baptist crying out in the wilderness.

You might be raising your eyebrows to your hairline and going, ‘What in the literal name of God is she talking about?’

Christians don’t normally compare such as these; oh but wait, didn’t Jesus come for ‘the least of these?’ ‘To open blind eyes and deaf ears?’ Isn’t this attitude the same as the religious stuck-ups in Jesus’ day? Asking Him, ‘why do you eat with sinners?’

Because,

The Lord is near to the heartbroken
And He saves those who are crushed in spirit (contrite in heart, truly sorry for their sin). Psalm 34:18.


Draw near to Him Who’s heart breaks for you, and He alone will give you rest.
 
Well, I'm in love with Jesus, and even if you mock, that's on you. Religion has helped me heal. 🤷🏻‍♀️ what's up with the hate? You wouldn't do this for any other faith, would you?
I was once in love with a girl from practising catholic family and she yelled: "fuck me Jesus", during sex few times. I know there was no "," in that sentence as we were really stoned and both getting stoned and having sex for some of first times in our lives and she mentioned it as something that bothers her some time in the future. I guess there's nothing really wrong or concerning about that fantasy, might be even beneficial according to views of some religions and philosophies.
I myself am in love with the Kali. And we do have sex. Or at least did and hopefully will.
 
Maybe, turn the other cheek thing calls for a martyr stoic stuff, idk
And most people who really hate any religion indiscriminately, also hate others. Except jews ofc, it's possible to hate jews or muslims and not to hate other religions. Always been.
 
I was once in love with a girl from practising catholic family and she yelled: "fuck me Jesus", during sex few times. I know there was no "," in that sentence as we were really stoned and both getting stoned and having sex for some of first times in our lives and she mentioned it as something that bothers her some time in the future. I guess there's nothing really wrong or concerning about that fantasy, might be even beneficial according to views of some religions and philosophies.
I myself am in love with the Kali. And we do have sex. Or at least did and hopefully will.

Well, it's not quiet like that—a close friendship more than anything, regardless—and hey, it's OK, my reply wasn't in a tone of being defensive, just honest. I've got autism, and things get lost in translation over a forum online I'm just blunt and to the point; no sugar coating 😂 We're cool, and thank you, BTW, for your explanations; they help me iron things out in my head socially, and I appreciate your apology. Thank you; that's a rare quality. 😎
 
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