When it has to be done it has to be done.
I think everyday/all day use of weed has a shelf life for most people. It's pretty common I think for people to reach a point in their lives where the gaps in their lives that need to be filled no longer can be just left there while you smooth over them with weed.
Its a paradox though, for me anyway. Weed is good at smoothing things over. And I think there's a certain level of genuine value to be had in that. Sometimes you just need to chill, get into a different state of mind, feel the buzz of being high and be in that zone. But then being in that zone can slowly turn into a hole. And that hole can become hard to get out of.
When I quit smoking I went through what seems like a similar story. Weed started out as an ideal partner and it went everywhere I did. It started out as helping me a lot. It served a lot of purposes and complimented my life. My youth especially was illuminated with weed. But then things started to change as I got older and it started to bring out areas of myself that made things more difficult for me. I didn't respond to it like I used to do. Worst thing hit was my personal responsibility over myself and my life. I just stopped really caring. And the weed just numbed me instead of supporting me. I got lazy, uninterested, unmotivated, irritable, anxious, easily distracted and I would think way too much. I turned into a bit of a dick. I think in the end I was looking to escape, especially during difficult periods in my life.
I give up everyday heavy use 10 years ago after a rollercoaster journey with weed, and it was one of the biggest turning points in my life. Many things changed in my life including my health; physically, mentally. My relationships also. My mindset also changed around priorities in my life, goals, future, dealing with deep seated issues that got me using weed as a crutch. I don't think enough emphasis is put on how powerful weed is as a drug and how easily it can be used to escape just because it doesn't come with the same stigma other drugs come with, and because its "natural". The old adage of "Its a plant, man! It grows in the ground so it's safe! Nothing wrong with it, man!" distorts the facts. Weed is now also unidentifiable if you compare it to it's original genetic makeup. Its in a world of its own constantly being mutated. The mutant strains most people consider original are far from it and are pumping up the concentration of THC to higher and higher levels making weed an even more of a powerful drug each year. I think this is downplayed in denial of the reality because of the relationship we have with it, and because of the industry and culture behind it too. Weed is no longer medicine. It is no longer a sacrament. It is something more akin to alcohol in our relationship with it. Responsible and purposeful ritualistic use has gone by the wayside. Its fashionable to abuse it. We call those people who smoke joints all day "legends" and we idolize them. Sure was the case with me and the crowd I associated with. The more weed you could smoke and handle, the more cool you were. Those who only smoked a bit and refused to use heavily were part timers and not part of the group.
So there's the potency of weed and the culture around it which massively contributes to the experiences you have and connected to that over time, your lifestyle choices as a result. Strong drugs make strong changes over time. Pop culture perceptions also affect your trajectory too. If its hip to just blaze up all the time you are bound to follow. Are people unable to accept the strength of weed actually hinders them? Unable to grasp that just because its a largely safe drug people associate this with there never being side effects? Who knows. Either way all I know is that there is a darker side to weed that often gets ignored and as a result, people leave themselves behind in life.
It was hard for me to stop for perhaps the first week or so. The withdrawals are real. I felt a bit lost and I didn't want to do anything unless I had some weed but then I started to realize that not having the weed is where the possibilities were and gradually started doing more and more things without the thought of weed coming into it. Doing stuff you used to do with/on weed is the hardest part because you believe something is missing. For me it was being at home on my own when I tend to fall back on smoking weed. That's what got me the most at first. Now I didn't have a joint in my hand when I normally did and everything that complimented having that joint didn't connect in the same way. I would keep falling back on seeking the high but to change that I put other things in those places. And that's an important step in changing habits - rewriting the script that formed them in the first place. This is when you can start doing what you want to do, start filling in those gaps and answering those questions you have and are seeking.
All that being said, I'm not against weed. Not in the slightest. I just understand how difficult it is to live a functional life that is balanced when you heavily hit the mary-jane. And when I say balanced what I mean to say is weed actually being a tool to enhance things and your life comes first, and not the only thing you wake up to do and go to sleep doing as well. I think it has therapeutic benefits but not anywhere near the dosing and frequency and set/setting most prescribe too, not even close. Try smoking perhaps 0.1g in a pipe once or twice a day and I think you are near the real therapeutic dosing.
Also something I have noticed is how weed starts off as a drug of choice for kids and how that choice turns into something you continue to prescribe to as an adult unaware of the type of attachment you have to it. I started off as a kid smoking bucket bongs with school friends in specially crafted hiding spots we made to avoid both the law and other people. Even when I got to my twenties I still was echoing the same juvenile pretenses for my use. I still wanted to live the high life as boasted about by my friends and by the pop culture beliefs we all shared. If anything it was a form of rebellion to fuck the system. But when you are in your twenties and you are still living that life unaware of how incompatible it is with dealing with real life now you are an adult, it becomes detrimental.
In other words, you have to grow up and because weed tends to be the drug of choice for most newcomers at an early age, what started off the journey in the first place never gets acknowledged as a critical part in what keeps it all going today.
You have to learn better ways to cope and to deal with your place in society, life, the universe etc. Learn to broaden your awareness and integrate other areas you have neglected taking ownership along the way etc. Just sparking a reefer up and expecting that to solve things is futile and also silly and its also immature too.
Just know you can do it
and you worth all the effort you put in and inevitably will struggle putting in when life throws you curveballs. Believing in yourself is key and having a vision of who and what and where you want to be in life. Trust in yourself and in the process and you will succeed!
All the best!
