The withdrawal is far off normal thoughts in the opposite (and negative) direction. Things like "what am I doing with my life or why am I so ---" are just the brain on zero endorphins and dopamine. I'm sure there's some dopamine still left in there because adderall feels really good to me still within the withdrawal peak, but not enough to enjoy anything (for me without stimulants).
Not to be mean but what did you expect? lol. I know how easy it is to just eat pill after pill day after day and just pretend everything will be fine and dandy, but eventually every junkie has to realize how powerful the high is and that it would not just leave you alone when it comes to paying up. Otherwise we would all be on heroin 24/7 if there was no withdrawal. Quite frankly I would very much like that.
The cheat codes in life for opiate withdrawal are short term kratom use (to get rid of the physical symptoms a bit) and suboxone. You don't want to use kratom long term and then be on both kratom and oxy like I was (two withdrawals two stones).. and I don't know how subs affect other people. For some reason, suboxone use does not raise my tolerance even on wicked high doses.. like I'll be able to take 20 milligrams of suboxone (I know) a day and then just stop after a week or two and face literally no opioid withdrawal. This could just be my brain being strange though. Still, tapering off of subs with a doctor (or even by yourself) would help the withdrawal not be so "maybe I should just end myself."
It's important to know that suicidal thoughts during opiate withdrawal should probably not be left untreated or helped. They'll force you to relapse in a dangerous fashion or just have worse consequences tbh. I find it impossible to get off opioids while they feel amazing, but others have triumphed in that regard. Right now I'm just a little bored with opioids. I've done them so much in the past 5 years (how did I let it get this long?) that I'm underwhelmed with any dose and type of whatever colored pill. It's almost as lackluster to swallow oxy now to the point that not being on opioids all the time might be more colorful.
I actually find myself fantasizing quite often these days how percocet used to feel. How morphine tablets and etcetera just were this incredible blanket of warmth that tore apart anything bad or any person within my life that was not enjoyable. Now opioids do nothing for my physical or mental pain and just burn through my bank account.
