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Need Help Should i try to avoid a newly sober friend out of respect for her recovery?

Pumpkin2021

Moderator: TDS, NMI
Staff member
Joined
Feb 25, 2021
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2,652
Location
Michigan
Some of us can be around drinkers and users and some of us can't. I am one that can't simply because I don't trust myself to say no. Am I weak willed when it comes to drugs and alcohol in my face? Yes.

Am I so weak willed I didn't quit all of it ? No

I don't seek it out. Don't call dealers. But if someone walked in my house and offered me a real pharm opioid or a zannie I'm not sure I could decline it.

Our addictions and our wills are fine tuned and we all have to do whatever we can to keep whatever lives we have in check.
 

chinup

Sr. Moderator: EADD, H&R
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I mean how the fuck are you meant to change a behaviour when you cannot even OWN that behavior -? When instead you're being told oh you jacking up 6 times a day just somehow 'happens' to you against your volition via external forces entirely without your consent?

actually yes. when you are deep into addiction. it is without your consent. i used against my will so many times.

once you have convinced your reptilian brain (amygdala) that you need a certain thing to survive, and that happens annoyingly easily and not on purpose, then choice doesn't really come into it any more. i have racked up a pipe/shot while actively knowing i desperately didn't want to do it.

this is very basic material and any scientifically informed literature would explain it better than i can. i suggest the anatomy of desire by mark lewis for an accessible book.

many people also have intense trauma in the mix. for me i could choose either to be raped and/or strangled every time i shut my eyes, and also randomly when my eyes were open, so i couldn't hold a conversation without bursting into tears for seemingly no reason, or heroin. no brainer if you ask me.

i own my behaviour but it doesn't mean i haven't looked into the science behind addiction and therefore understand that a large amount of it is not voluntarily.
please look into it youself or provide references for the assertions you've made in your thread.

i could probably say no to most drugs if placed in front of me now. but its better i don't take the risk.
 

chinup

Sr. Moderator: EADD, H&R
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for the opposing view and one that fits more with your narrative @The UltimateFixx, read Heyman, Addiction: a disorder of choice.

you will note that most people with addiction problems who post on here, and certainly the OPs friend, do not fit into the author's argument. it basically only works for people who didn't really qualify as addicts imo, and it specifically excludes those who went to rehab, like the OPs friend.
 

FunctionalJnkieGrl

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
528
Location
OK/TX, USA
Just because you’re to a place where you can sit in a room full of junkies and be cool with it doesn’t mean everyone else is. Congratulations, I’m there as well, but it took years for that to be a reality for me. I remember days where I’d stroke my arms and newly grown veins fantasizing about it. I relapsed quite a few times but thankfully the guilt made them unbearable.

And I see where your coming from on the second point, but that is also true for many people. Everyone’s different some people will switch addictions left and right, others only enjoy some highs and not others. The idea of “California sober” is becoming better recieved these days however so maybe as a whole we’re heading in the right direction. I couldn’t use opiates but I have no problem with nearly every other class of drugs, but that’s not something I can admit to most.

-GC
"California sober"? I never heard of that term. Could you please elaborate? (I'm from Oklahoma/Texas)
 

FunctionalJnkieGrl

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
528
Location
OK/TX, USA
I
actually yes. when you are deep into addiction. it is without your consent. i used against my will so many times.

once you have convinced your reptilian brain (amygdala) that you need a certain thing to survive, and that happens annoyingly easily and not on purpose, then choice doesn't really come into it any more. i have racked up a pipe/shot while actively knowing i desperately didn't want to do it.

this is very basic material and any scientifically informed literature would explain it better than i can. i suggest the anatomy of desire by mark lewis for an accessible book.

many people also have intense trauma in the mix. for me i could choose either to be raped and/or strangled every time i shut my eyes, and also randomly when my eyes were open, so i couldn't hold a conversation without bursting into tears for seemingly no reason, or heroin. no brainer if you ask me.

i own my behaviour but it doesn't mean i haven't looked into the science behind addiction and therefore understand that a large amount of it is not voluntarily.
please look into it youself or provide references for the assertions you've made in your thread.

i could probably say no to most drugs if placed in front of me now. but its better i don't take the risk.
I wouldn't say my drug use is without consent. Nobody has ever held me at gun-point and forced me to take drugs and neither has any outside, supernatural force. I choose to be an addict and I feel it's my own fault that I'm currently too weak-willed to quit. I have nobody to blame but myself for that choice and it's not something I'm proud of. That's the problem with faith-based rehab centers. Even if the world is the devil's playground, Satan isn't going to hold our hand and make our choices for us. If anything, if Satan exists, then Satan just sets the stage--but we write our own plays. Without temptation, life would have few challenges to learn from, but ultimately I believe the individual is responsible for their own free will. I'm by no means victim-blaming, as I am an addict myself and know very well that overcoming addiction is the ultimate challenge.
 
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
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When I got clean I cut out everyone from my past ,family,friends,,,, Just make contact and say hi , approach it with no expectations and see if you’d stay in touch ,avoid discussion drugs or past actions unless they bring it up .
 
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