- Joined
- Mar 7, 2011
- Messages
- 20,434
I posted this elsewhere as well, but figured I'd drop it in here as well just to mention how appreciative I have been for everyone's kind words and support:
I'd like to thank everybody for reaching out to me over the past couple weeks. It has been a very difficult time. In reaction I have thrown myself as deeply into my harm reduction work and music as I can, to distract myself from my emotions. I think about Sasha the moment I wake up in the morning, until the second I fall asleep at night. I can't help it.
I have so many conflicting feelings about it. Everyone knows I'm a very open person regarding my life and my experiences. But Sasha was not. She was a very private person. It feels very wrong to even be speaking of her this way, but I have to now come to terms that it's just me here now, and that's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sure, we fought. We broke up very shortly before she passed. That was painful enough. But we also shared the most beautiful intimate moments together, moments I will keep with me and cherish for the rest of my life. This past year was not easy, for anyone, but in the end, it might have been the best year of my life. I truly grew, and she helped me every step of the way.
I was wildly head over heels in love with her, and had been for years. I will not let the grief and regret of losing her eat me alive, or her death will have been in vain. I have to recognize that she is at peace now, and I have to respect that, because all along, I only wanted to take her pain away.
I have done what I can to write a eulogy that I can only hope will help people understand Sasha as she was. I can only hope it will help comfort people through this trying, tragic time. I am terrified to deliver it.
Anyway, before I say too much (lord knows I already have) thank you all for your love and support. If I seemed distant or short it's because I've truly been at a loss trying to comprehend this. This is my little update to you. I am good. I am trying. I am living. That's the best I have at the moment, and that's fine.
Sending you all my love,
J
I'd like to thank everybody for reaching out to me over the past couple weeks. It has been a very difficult time. In reaction I have thrown myself as deeply into my harm reduction work and music as I can, to distract myself from my emotions. I think about Sasha the moment I wake up in the morning, until the second I fall asleep at night. I can't help it.
I have so many conflicting feelings about it. Everyone knows I'm a very open person regarding my life and my experiences. But Sasha was not. She was a very private person. It feels very wrong to even be speaking of her this way, but I have to now come to terms that it's just me here now, and that's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sure, we fought. We broke up very shortly before she passed. That was painful enough. But we also shared the most beautiful intimate moments together, moments I will keep with me and cherish for the rest of my life. This past year was not easy, for anyone, but in the end, it might have been the best year of my life. I truly grew, and she helped me every step of the way.
I was wildly head over heels in love with her, and had been for years. I will not let the grief and regret of losing her eat me alive, or her death will have been in vain. I have to recognize that she is at peace now, and I have to respect that, because all along, I only wanted to take her pain away.
I have done what I can to write a eulogy that I can only hope will help people understand Sasha as she was. I can only hope it will help comfort people through this trying, tragic time. I am terrified to deliver it.
Anyway, before I say too much (lord knows I already have) thank you all for your love and support. If I seemed distant or short it's because I've truly been at a loss trying to comprehend this. This is my little update to you. I am good. I am trying. I am living. That's the best I have at the moment, and that's fine.
Sending you all my love,
J
