yay! Now that im really clean, now is the time to start working on other aspirations 
... gawd that feels good...
I read back on this and it brings tears to my eyes.. omg i thougbt my arms woukd never stop being so restless. But they did and it subsided. I never thought id make it but i did and i got better... all the things i never thought happened... happened...just when you think you cant...if you fight hard enough "you can" you really can.. its a fact... if i can do it "anyone" can thats another fact.. never underestimate yourself neverOkay, yes, this is the really hard part. But you're doing so fucking well! Already 3 days down, that is amazing. Keep focussed, keep your game face on, you WILL get through this. Just breathe through the restlessness, cry if it helps, showers definitely help, I found that stretching and "body scan" meditation helped me with opiate withdrawals so maybe try that if that's your thing. Keep us updated. You've totally got this!!!
unfriggen believable if ya ask me!!
i feel 99.999% basically perfect. I guess some of the idocicesis we all have, you just have to live with and deal with. Its a hell of a lot better than feeling chemically dependent. For me it is anyway.. i still cant beleive it.. it does make me quite happy.. the days are just so much better and my sleep is pretty much back to normal.. i can wake up and feel cozee in bed now and no need to instantly jump when i wake.. thats how i know im good
Wow!! Great work! Plenty of folks never fully come off the subs (which, no doubt it’s still better alternative than street/C-II narcs), so that’s some willpower there!!Wow 6/29 was the 1st day I was free from subs and 100% clean from all opiates. Thats 17 days i think
But it is true!!!! I disabled my alert today as i documented every sub dose i have taken for the last 15 or 16 months on my taper. And for the past 17 days i have just kept hitting "skip" it felt good to do as a reminder. But today i disabled it for good.. i know ill never forget my use as thats impossible but i do know ill forget the number of days clean soon
Peace to all using or clean... we are in fact only people.. were nothing perfect!
unfriggen believable if ya ask me!! i feel 99.999% basically perfect. I guess some of the idocicesis we all have, you just have to live with and deal with. Its a hell of a lot better than feeling chemically dependent. For me it is anyway.. i still cant beleive it.. it does make me quite happy.. the days are just so much better and my sleep is pretty much back to normal..Wow thats quite amazing as well from benzos..
very! I know those are just as hard... quite an intense taper for sure... i take one of those nowadays and ill have anxiety for.like 3 to 4 days after they wicked affect me. you should be more proud than anything you could do that! I love being clean now.. i can really feel my feelings and emotions now... using i never could it was just like numbing to all...thats one of the things i enjoy most peace and enjoy your day! ive notcied the past few days im not crying over happy things anymore.. lol.. that intense intense emotion is gone. I actually enjoyed it.. i dont think ive ever cried so many times about happy things in my life as i have in that short of time.. its kinda wild.. but i feel great. No major issues. Still happy af to have done it.. i dont think of it as much anymore but from time to time i still wanna jump for joy and be like "fuck ya!!" I friggen made it out alive! doing just fine still. Except me and the kids all got covid 
today i feel muchu h better so hopefully that sega is over now as well! Hop everyone is doing well and staying happy no matter what the case is...I just want to say this is awesome. I have similar aspects to my story. I also have only like 1 person maybe that knows i’ve been on subs. So nobody knows the battles I’ve been fighting alone. Im a father and I have to do it all while still being a father and raising my children so it’s def tough but I just tell myself to stop being a p***y and muscle through it. I lift very seriously though and am in the gym 5/6 days a week working on fitness goals. Getting stronger, adding muscle. So I feel it’s been a good outlet. But there are days where I’ve been tapering down on subs and my body aches and feels so tired and I get off of my 10 hour shift and get home change but still drag myself to the gym and work hard. It’s been helping me. The gym is always here for me I feel like.Over 30 days clean now
Hey man, welcome to your first post! Your words are truly inspirational, thank you for sharing.I just want to say this is awesome. I have similar aspects to my story. I also have only like 1 person maybe that knows i’ve been on subs. So nobody knows the battles I’ve been fighting alone. Im a father and I have to do it all while still being a father and raising my children so it’s def tough but I just tell myself to stop being a p***y and muscle through it. I lift very seriously though and am in the gym 5/6 days a week working on fitness goals. Getting stronger, adding muscle. So I feel it’s been a good outlet. But there are days where I’ve been tapering down on subs and my body aches and feels so tired and I get off of my 10 hour shift and get home change but still drag myself to the gym and work hard. It’s been helping me. The gym is always here for me I feel like.
But yeah, as I read I kept scrolling through praying “please don’t fold, please another good update” and each update was better than I expected. A doc started me on 16 mg like 11 months ago. I quickly realized this was too much and cut that in half a few weeks later. I went from 16 > 8 > 6 > 4 >2 > 1 > .5mg where I’m at now 11 months later. I stayed at 2mg for a while just because life got busy but When I went to 1mg and then .5 is the only time and first times I’ve noticed any mental and physical symptoms. I notice I get PAWS and my mood changes to a dark sad mood, but I keep reminding myself nothing in my life actually changed, all external factors are still the same, the only thing trying to force a depression on my mind is chemicals changing. When I think about that I’m able to steer back control of my mind and tell my b**ch voice to shut up and get in the back because I’m f***ing driving. But I’ve been trying to stabilize at this .5mg for a week or two now? I’ve had to switch to taking it at night because of sleep but I worry about effing myself because In my mind that’ll make it harder to sleep when I’m off it if my body got used to taking it at night time. But we’ll see.
I considered jumping at this .5mg until I have felt what it was like trying to simply stabilize at it and it’s crazy because i’ve never heard anyone else say they get the restlessness in their arms. That’s where i’ve always gotten it in the cracks of my arms, it feels like I have to bend them the stretch them then bend them then stretch them etc. But that’s what has happened a few nights so far at this .5mg. I will cut to .25mg and go another week or two with that. It’s wild because during the day i’m completely fine usually other than some mood swings that have happened, but it’s night when I try to sleep, and mostly i can get to sleep but would wake up like 2-3 hours later absolutely restless, but it’s very inconsistent it would be fine for a few nights then randomly feel that way one night. Idk but I know one thing. I’m about to be off these things wether they or the devil like it or not. Jesus is king. and He’s already won every battle, I just have to keep reminding myself of that, and I’m His, i’m tired of the fight to something that I know I have total control over. I listen to people like david goggins talking about how many things he was able to do by simply realizing that the mind gives out way before the body does. You can push through it. Your mind wants comfort. And to be warm and cozy. It’ll tell you to quit and run far before your body is capable of finishing. For all those championing on, let’s go. Bring out the dog in you. I’m ready to kick this things a** for good. I’ve got work to do, things to accomplish. I don’t have time for the childish nonsense. It thought it had me, but I remember when it thought it had lazarus too
Beautiful just Beautiful brotheri know its tough as can be but you are "kicking ass" wow.. made me emotional reading this.. but you are on your way, dont let anything stop you, you got this!!! Your stronger than this, your smarter than this!!! Do it man do it!! Im a single parent myself and since i quite subs (took me many months of weaning/tapering) i feel just so amazing its not even real still to me... yes i had that ache in my arms for so many months.. yea it took me months.. but everone if different, feel it out and when your ready to drop to..25 then do it.. but dont do it till you feel 100% on .50 (this means your body has equalized) and yes you will have to days in between with paws and aches and tiredness "but it isn't forever!!" Dont forget that, is so temporary thay once your off ypu will be like wow! I did this i flipping did this! And you will i feel you resolve!!! Do it man do it!! Fly like an eagle baby!!!!!!!!
