Social Tell a Joke

[FixXxer]

Tell a joke! All jokes welcome.. "word" puns preferred.. (Keep it tasteful, this thread follows the rules of the site / words forum)

I'll start with a terrible one ... that may have you thinking for a second







Three guys walk into a bar
Two got a concussion
One just bumped his arm.

 

[FixXxer]

One hat says to the other, "You stay here... I'll go on ahead."

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

knock knock
whos there?
nunya
nunya who?

nunyadamnbidness

 

[ions]

Why did five fix seven? Because seven eight nine.

 

[FixXxer]

The band was originally named Metallic.
When James Hetfield ordered the first batch of T Shirts for the band, he did so by phone.
He called and said, "I need 10 000 T shirts that all say Metallic--AH!"
They had to rename the band when the shirts came in.

 

[ions]

I heard they made Winston smoke non-menthol cigarettes in ghostbusters.

 

[FixXxer]

I love cats as much as the next guy..
but those neighbors keep talking about purr cassettes
how many different recordings can there be?
i'd get it if they made it on cd

 

[ions]

Come smell how good I look.

 

[FixXxer]

Come smell how good I look.

shhhhhhh ... do you smell that?

 

[Illyria99]

Student: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

Teacher: How is it?

Student: I can't seem to put it down!

 

[FixXxer]

Was confused when they wouldnt sell me any weed at The Home Depot.
I said.. "What? isn't this the Home De Pot?"

 

[darvocet21]

Duck walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier where's the Chapstick.
She tells him he goes and gets it brings it back and she says will that be cash or charge? "no just put it on my bill"

 

[Las Veghost grower]

Did you know a group of crows is called a murder ?

well it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws

 

[ions]

I got a C+, that's the Canadian A.

 

[ions]

Metallica wrote Enter Sandman after they lost to him on Mike Tyson's Punch Out.

 

[ions]

Green Day wrote Welcome to Paradise years after Guns n Roses released welcome to the jungle and paradise city.

 

[ions]

Chocolate Covered Puppies

 

[darvocet21]

Did you know a group of crows is called a murder ?

well it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws

Reported

 

[darvocet21]

DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO STOP IF YOU ARE BROKEN DOWN ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. YOU WERE OFFERED THE EXTENDED WARRANTY SEVERAL TIMES.

What if you opted for the creeper in the van to come and help out?

 

[ions]

There are worse things out there than cheese.