TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

[deficiT]

I love you. I fucking just love you. Wonderful replies. Yeah i am ok now, acute suicide danger has ended. I am somewhat drunk due to beer, and i have plenty of beer in the fridge. It does not matter. I got this. I have cannabis and it is the only thing in this motherfucking world that helps me in my fight against alcoholism.

By the way: i love you all.

Hope you know you can always reach out

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hope you know you can always reach out

Yeah. I do. It feels good. To know.

 

[saif1311]

I kinda did what I wanted to do for a while and stopped GHB (only lasted a day) went through some nasty withdrawals. I got really depressed earlier, the love of my life is being heartless towards me. She left here whilst pregnant with my child to go back to the UK when we got a place here and everything. I haven't even held my own child yet. It's so fucked up everything that got me here. I been in so much sadness n pain, I ended up ordering some opiates n cutting myself earlier. I cleaned it up now. But fuck, she changed her number and won't even answer my emails, I've just been trying to be a better person and see my family and she doesn't even love me anymore and everything we went through was just for nothing n it feels terrible, I feel heartbroken and I have since December last year really. Just been patching it over with ketamine and PCP since. Then got heavy into knocking myself out with G. I really don't want to live like this, I want to be sober. I know I have it in me because of just doing all that, fighting WDs and staying sober for a day, but fuck me all I think of is my family n how much I wanna be around my son and make my girl nice food and take care of her and it breaks my heart so fuck it I just got drugs that love me tbh

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah me again. This is going to be a soft core rant.

First of all, my sincere apologies to bluelight staff, my posts were deleted due to off topic. That was justified, staff here did exactly the thing why they are here to keep this place somewhat in order. Thank you honeys and i am truly sorry.

So i got 73 euros this morning. Grabbed a couple i know, we went to the forest for a brunch. I don't GET THIS! these blessings.... why? i should be the hated one. Where? why? the fucking God damn blessings.

In the nearest suburb, this lady hangs out there. A little bit older than me. I think that she is 45 years old or something. I bought the brunch stuff (tobacco and beer) and she stopped me. We have talked before, she always talks to me. Super beautiful smile and shit. So i was in the forest, next to a pond and i got hungry and bought a veggie pizza and more beer.

She was still there. Without tobacco. I rolled 3 cigs for her and i gave her a beer. Look, this means A FUCKING LOT to me. Just talking to a woman, and the woman starts the conversation.

I need advice how to grow a pair of balls. I am not your alpha player male. I do not even flirt. But i want her. I just fucking want her. I would like to say that to her but yeah... how to grow balls? are there drugs for that?

 

[saif1311]

I'm really on the edge, I just want to see my son, I feel as though I've lost a child I never even got to meet. It's hard to stay about and not just OD and die. Fuck it. I'll back a whole bottle of liquor.

Ive got a fucking cot here I bought and clothes and everything that just goes to waste by the time I see my son if I ever do it'll be useless just overgrown and I'll probably be dead without my son recognising my own voice fuck it all I just wanted my family.

 

[deficiT]

I'm really on the edge, I just want to see my son, I feel as though I've lost a child I never even got to meet. It's hard to stay about and not just OD and die. Fuck it. I'll back a whole bottle of liquor.

Ive got a fucking cot here I bought and clothes and everything that just goes to waste by the time I see my son if I ever do it'll be useless just overgrown and I'll probably be dead without my son recognising my own voice fuck it all I just wanted my family.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know your situation, but I believe you should stay alive for your son, and you'll one day be happy you did. It sounds like you have some unfinished business on planet earth, and that is worth sticking around for.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm really on the edge, I just want to see my son, I feel as though I've lost a child I never even got to meet. It's hard to stay about and not just OD and die. Fuck it. I'll back a whole bottle of liquor.

Ive got a fucking cot here I bought and clothes and everything that just goes to waste by the time I see my son if I ever do it'll be useless just overgrown and I'll probably be dead without my son recognising my own voice fuck it all I just wanted my family.

Fr sucks being without your fam (if they are worth it) if i knew i would never see them again i would have been more grateful when i had them. I feel sorry for the ones who cannot deal with our problems. Please dont leave your son alone, trust me, he needs his parents more than anything!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah me again. This is going to be a soft core rant.

First of all, my sincere apologies to bluelight staff, my posts were deleted due to off topic. That was justified, staff here did exactly the thing why they are here to keep this place somewhat in order. Thank you honeys and i am truly sorry.

So i got 73 euros this morning. Grabbed a couple i know, we went to the forest for a brunch. I don't GET THIS! these blessings.... why? i should be the hated one. Where? why? the fucking God damn blessings.

In the nearest suburb, this lady hangs out there. A little bit older than me. I think that she is 45 years old or something. I bought the brunch stuff (tobacco and beer) and she stopped me. We have talked before, she always talks to me. Super beautiful smile and shit. So i was in the forest, next to a pond and i got hungry and bought a veggie pizza and more beer.

She was still there. Without tobacco. I rolled 3 cigs for her and i gave her a beer. Look, this means A FUCKING LOT to me. Just talking to a woman, and the woman starts the conversation.

I need advice how to grow a pair of balls. I am not your alpha player male. I do not even flirt. But i want her. I just fucking want her. I would like to say that to her but yeah... how to grow balls? are there drugs for that?

Eh, sounds like she might like u too. In my experience, girls dont hang out too much with someone they dont like (im a girl) Maybe u dont have to do anything special, just keep hanging out with her. Love ur username, big fan of ghosts

 

[Jabberwocky]

Eh, sounds like she might like u too. In my experience, girls dont hang out too much with someone they dont like (im a girl) Maybe u dont have to do anything special, just keep hanging out with her. Love ur username, big fan of ghosts

Oh, lovely message (i was scared that this would be something bad because i acted like a complete asshole here on BL a few days ago, therefore: My sincere apologies to everyone.)

She was there AGAIN yesterday. Waiting for the grocery store to open. We had a chat and a few cigarettes. My mind and heart kept shouting at me. "DO IT GHOST FART SAY SOMETHING! YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING!" But no... we talked about her cat and her son... sure, it was nice anyway. I am not an alpha player. I don't make "moves" I do not even flirt. There are confidence issues and i don't want to make women feel like... i am some slime ball who is harassing them. I am sure that beautiful ladies hear all kinds of shit on a daily or almost daily basis. I am not going to participate in that shitshow.

And i am not suicidal anymore. 24 hours without alcohol, also fasting now. I always seem to find a new rock bottom, underneath the last rock bottom i sank to.. Time to try to seek the surface. I need air.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm really on the edge, I just want to see my son, I feel as though I've lost a child I never even got to meet. It's hard to stay about and not just OD and die. Fuck it. I'll back a whole bottle of liquor.

Ive got a fucking cot here I bought and clothes and everything that just goes to waste by the time I see my son if I ever do it'll be useless just overgrown and I'll probably be dead without my son recognising my own voice fuck it all I just wanted my family.

Oh God that must hurt real bad... Your depressed mood is understandable and justified. But please stay alive. There is a chance no matter what, that one day you will see your son.

I have to quote @deficiT just to emphasize this to you and he did the writing part really well:

It sounds like you have some unfinished business on planet earth, and that is worth sticking around for.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Oh, lovely message (i was scared that this would be something bad because i acted like a complete asshole here on BL a few days ago, therefore: My sincere apologies to everyone.)

She was there AGAIN yesterday. Waiting for the grocery store to open. We had a chat and a few cigarettes. My mind and heart kept shouting at me. "DO IT GHOST FART SAY SOMETHING! YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING!" But no... we talked about her cat and her son... sure, it was nice anyway. I am not an alpha player. I don't make "moves" I do not even flirt. There are confidence issues and i don't want to make women feel like... i am some slime ball who is harassing them. I am sure that beautiful ladies hear all kinds of shit on a daily or almost daily basis. I am not going to participate in that shitshow.

And i am not suicidal anymore. 24 hours without alcohol, also fasting now. I always seem to find a new rock bottom, underneath the last rock bottom i sank to.. Time to try to seek the surface. I need air.

Brah i was diagnosed with manic depression (sum douchebag stole that rapper name from me, i was "yung manic depression" before him) and i can identify with your extreme mood swings, im glad u are fine now when not so long ago u were suicidal, but its not fun living like that, i was prescribed something for bipolar and it calmed me a bit, in case it bothers you again
i also acted like a bitch here a while ago too but idgaf, fuck it and fuck em too
yup nice ladies hear that shit eeerry day so maybe she feels ok around u cuz u dont act that way, idk how long u have talked to her but if u just met then def wait to say something
i have been without heroin for 3 days now. Because my girl is dry till thursday or so she says. But i will pray to archangel Michael so that he may slay the dragon

 

[Jabberwocky]

i have been without heroin for 3 days now. Because my girl is dry till thursday or so she says. But i will pray to archangel Michael so that he may slay the dragon

First of all, congratulations for being without heroin for 3 days. Great start! Awesome! Well done!

Lots of interesting stuff in your post. But i have to say something about this archangel Michael fellow. He keeps popping up ALL the time and it has been that way for a year. Real life, online life, someone mentions him. I did the prayer once. I am not even religious, just spiritual. I did it before i went to my bed to sleep. Left the prayer on my laptop screen for the night. Such a peaceful night with true deep sleep. Those are RARE!

 

[Jabberwocky]

First of all, congratulations for being without heroin for 3 days. Great start! Awesome! Well done!

Lots of interesting stuff in your post. But i have to say something about this archangel Michael fellow. He keeps popping up ALL the time and it has been that way for a year. Real life, online life, someone mentions him. I did the prayer once. I am not even religious, just spiritual. I did it before i went to my bed to sleep. Left the prayer on my laptop screen for the night. Such a peaceful night with true deep sleep. Those are RARE!

NEAT. It is not a coincidence! you are lucky if one of the most powerful angels is guarding you! i keep a necklace and bracelet, all kinds of things with his name, also i been seeing repeated numbers everyday for the past year, we must not take those signals for granted! today i will pray for you to him ok?? Btw i always last no more than a week when i try to get clean but its always thanks to him or Jesus Christ

 

[Jabberwocky]

today i will pray for you to him ok??

That would be absolutely wonderful and i would truly appreciate that! WOW!

I hope you don't mind that i won't pray for you. Seems like the more serious i am about my prayers, the harder things get. So i am scared, that if i pray for others, then bad stuff starts to happen to them also. Dunno. I might have opened some demon portals when i was younger

 

[Jabberwocky]

That would be absolutely wonderful and i would truly appreciate that! WOW!

I hope you don't mind that i won't pray for you. Seems like the more serious i am about my prayers, the harder things get. So i am scared, that if i pray for others, then bad stuff starts to happen to them also. Dunno. I might have opened some demon portals when i was younger

Is ok
for sure i did more than open portals when i was dumber and now they wont leave me alone. I know their names bc i called them. I think they ate up all my strenght and my will and my energy. We gotta b very strong mentally and everything when we call upon them or else. But its better to just never do it...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Is ok
for sure i did more than open portals when i was dumber and now they wont leave me alone. I know their names bc i called them. I think they ate up all my strenght and my will and my energy. We gotta b very strong mentally and everything when we call upon them or else. But its better to just never do it...

I know exactly what you mean. These days i say that they are Dementors. From Harry Potter. These can show up totally uninvited.

“Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them."

 

[Jabberwocky]

I know exactly what you mean. These days i say that they are Dementors. From Harry Potter. These can show up totally uninvited.

Yea i hope they aint real,that would rly suck, tho some people sure act like them if u know what i mean? maybe hell is rly empty and the demons r us. I done rly disgraceful shit that im prolly still paying for
have u read Eragon?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yea i hope they aint real,that would rly suck, tho some people sure act like them if u know what i mean? maybe hell is rly empty and the demons r us. I done rly disgraceful shit that im prolly still paying for
have u read Eragon?

Eragon did not ring a bell at all. I googled it. I don't read much or watch movies or TV. Problems with attention span...

Yeah, i did plenty of disgraceful shit when i was younger. I lied to people, i manipulated them, for personal gain (money for drugs). Oh well, at least i completely deserve this fucked up excuse for a life of a human being.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Eragon did not ring a bell at all. I googled it. I don't read much or watch movies or TV. Problems with attention span...

Yeah, i did plenty of disgraceful shit when i was younger. I lied to people, i manipulated them, for personal gain (money for drugs). Oh well, at least i completely deserve this fucked up excuse for a life of a human being.

Good day, do u feel better today? mmm u dont sound like u a bad person haha but i cant tell from here XD so u have ADD? i just took some potent cbd and on my way to the clinic. Dont watch tv either but bc its so damn stupid not bc i cant .. i only watch ufc ppv when i cant illegally download it

 

[Jabberwocky]

Good day, do u feel better today? mmm u dont sound like u a bad person haha but i cant tell from here XD so u have ADD? i just took some potent cbd and on my way to the clinic. Dont watch tv either but bc its so damn stupid not bc i cant .. i only watch ufc ppv when i cant illegally download it

I feel a whole lot better, thank you for asking, i hope that you feel alright or good also.

ADD? Not sure. I was in an inpatient care when i was younger. Told the doc that "I think i might have ADD. And since i am sentenced here locked up for 3 months due to thought crimes, can we test the ADD thing?" Doc said that "ADD is something which junkies have made up in order to get drugs legally." His exact words. So i was like, cool, really professional and caring attitude, thanks for hearing me.

Yeah, TV is damn stupid alright. We get like 22 or so channels for free here. Channel A) Most beautiful wedding cakes of America. Channel B) Drunk cheaters doing shallow crap on some island. Channel C) Most beautiful wedding cakes of Australia. Channel D) Evening news (There are no NEWs, they are OLDs. Corona kills everyone, be afraid. Someone slaughtered many people somewhere. Flood. War. Famine. Genocide. Here is Tommy with the weather (and then a forecast which never becomes reality) like i need that shit? or commercials? Nope. TV is a tool of the elites to use mind control mechanisms on the sheep. I am brainwashed also, but i choose the washing mechanism. Which is music videos.

UFC i can understand, though. I don't like to watch it, but they are professional athletes, there are rules, it is not a drunken brawl in a bar. I watch ice hockey when Finland is playing. One dude once said to me online, that ice hockey is for beer drinking Neanderthals. Quite accurate actually