Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

[papercuts]

Yeah they kinda do, kinda don't. It's a community self help kinda groups that's ran. I know there is an NA meeting tonight I may try again, but still not sure about that! Tried it a few times and it does feel like half of it is dogma. Mind I've tripped and meditated on a few of the steps, low and behold I've done and been through half of them anyways. Just ain't wrote them down! Where I am it's hard to get a sponsor if your not 100% clean, and that's methadone included!

My key worker at the methadone place is always off sick, like ALWAYS! A couple of ppl who were standing in for her where going to offer me a fast track to a proper CPN psychiatrist, but nothing has came from that.

They are very over worked.
I do have at my disposal, about 800mg of diclazepam, and have a good 100 odd mg of it in PG solution, I'm not sure of its purity though, I've held myself on the stuff in the past without a problem, but this time trying to switch over to taper was a fail. Getting cramp in he tendons of my feet and calves ect twitches.. I guess my body has became so used to the Diaz over the last decade.
Mind last time I switched I wasn't taking Benzos daily, still had a dependance, but would take a 'get wrecked dose' weekly,
Which obvs hung about for a long time with half lives ect.

I hope you are all doing well

@Sidban you got this dude. Have you considered some exercise like yoga? It did wonders for my nerve pain and my health in general, you go light and easy to start with, maybe seek a local class? Sending positive vibes your way

I ran out of blues a few months ago and decided to keep it that way. I get muscle spasms after it wears off even without it even being a habit, I'm sure it's awful in your legs/feet after long time use.
I tried the twelve step thing too, with a friend who used to lead meetings. I didn't want to go public so she offered. I couldn't figure out how to make a doorknob into a higher power. Basically we're not religious, so she said even a doorknob can be a higher power because without it you can't open the door. I'm not smart enough to figure that out sober, lol, give us a few tabs and I'll write a book on it .

Today I have less than 2g of green left, it won't last all day and I'm leaving that for a week or two as well, just because I've not had a break in too long. I managed 48 hours without it a few months ago, that's how much I can't control it, because I don't see it as bad I guess.

You say 100mg is in PG, why is that, can it be vaped or is it so it's faster acting taken orally?

 

[Squeaky]

I’m coming up on 10 months since I came clean to my wife and stopped taking the really good pills. I’m still struggling but making progress.

There’s a point.... before I pulled the trigger....that moment when it all sounds impossible and the thought of months of suffering to make that change....when I always gave up and said nothing... I couldn’t imagine that I would even still be alive 10 months later.

But here I am, and it feels like I climbed Mount Everest. I’m on the home stretch and I can see the finish line. I have hope for my future, and it feels pretty good.

Honestly I think that if I hadn’t gotten so low, I would definitely spend the rest of my life going back down the rabbit hole again and again. I’m not done yet, and I might still have a long walk back to my car, but knowing that I’m actually getting closer is really great. Hopefully the memory of how despondent I felt before will stay on my mind later and keep me from falling back into my old habits.

 

[Squeaky]

I'm at work just now and got chills and my bowels overcame the immodium. That's where I'm at.

Tapering down to half dose tonight then nada

Don’t try to go too fast. You might suffer too much and fall off the wagon, and hit the ground really hard.

Most folks relapse into opiates because the mind fuck that comes with the long term wd’s is too hard.

 

[Squeaky]

I ran out of blues a few months ago and decided to keep it that way. I get muscle spasms after it wears off even without it even being a habit, I'm sure it's awful in your legs/feet after long time use.
I tried the twelve step thing too, with a friend who used to lead meetings. I didn't want to go public so she offered. I couldn't figure out how to make a doorknob into a higher power. Basically we're not religious, so she said even a doorknob can be a higher power because without it you can't open the door. I'm not smart enough to figure that out sober, lol, give us a few tabs and I'll write a book on it .

Today I have less than 2g of green left, it won't last all day and I'm leaving that for a week or two as well, just because I've not had a break in too long. I managed 48 hours without it a few months ago, that's how much I can't control it, because I don't see it as bad I guess.

You say 100mg is in PG, why is that, can it be vaped or is it so it's faster acting taken orally?

Opiate wd causes (among other things) a swelling of the spinal cord. Everything south of your stomach will endure aches, pains, spasms, etc. And it can last for months. I quit cold turkey off 60mg per day of oxy (after only a year of use) and my legs ached for more than a month. It felt horrible but eventually went away.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I do Brazilian jujitsu. But might wait until I'm feeling a bit better lol

I know this is the tapering thread so I'm trying not to derail too much. I did BJJ for about 3 years before covid came out. I keep telling myself I am not going to be one of the blue belts that never goes back. Once I get my income squared away, I do plan on returning. Being triple jabbed has prevented me from catching the 'rona so far *knocks wood*

How long have you been training?

 

[Squeaky]

Seems to be a correlation between how many days I have Perc’s and how many days I’m going to feel like crap after I run out. I had them for 5 days and felt crappy for 5 days.

I actually think it’s the Tylenol. It’s taking my liver a few days to detox.

 

[Sidban]

I know this is the tapering thread so I'm trying not to derail too much. I did BJJ for about 3 years before covid came out. I keep telling myself I am not going to be one of the blue belts that never goes back. Once I get my income squared away, I do plan on returning. Being triple jabbed has prevented me from catching the 'rona so far *knocks wood*

How long have you been training?

Been training 2.5 years. Blue belt. Haven't been in 2 weeks cos of this codeine bullshit.

 

[Sidban]

My tapering went to shit. Started off well. Cold turkey weekend! Yeeeeehaaaa

 

[Sidban]

Hi Sidban, What strength of codeine? Can you buy anything similar OTC that you can taper slower and not shit yourself in work?
Codeine's still an opiate, my DOC isn't seen as too bad either but they are all a bugger to quit whatever the hype or lack of it that surrounds each one.
If you can get Kratom where you are, I swear that was what made this time successful for me. Also if you've access, gabapentin or pregablin can help against that feeling that the world is ending and you're already in hell. You already mentioned fear, hope I'm not too insensitive saying that.
I've over two months of close to abstenance and I'm incredibly pleased with myself, too much really, overconfidence trips me up. I've spent more on Kratom than I was spending on poppy pods or opium but I feel much cleaner and I'm fairly sure I could step on a airplane and go anywhere for however long and I won't go into withdrawal because I'm leaving five days clean between using my DOC.
It's probably much easier for me because I get buprenorphine pain patches prescribed to me and while it's not easy to cut down to the amount in a patch, it's easier than aiming for zero. This is my longest time ever, I find this site helps.
You've the right attitude. Telling my husband I was addicted and trying to quit was the first sign (in hindsight) that I really meant to quit this time. After that it was a mere six months of on/off attempting to get clean, but now, no sweat, literally

About 400mg.

Yeh telling a loved one is a game changer for me.

You can do it!

 

[Sidban]

Hi Sidban, What strength of codeine? Can you buy anything similar OTC that you can taper slower and not shit yourself in work?
Codeine's still an opiate, my DOC isn't seen as too bad either but they are all a bugger to quit whatever the hype or lack of it that surrounds each one.
If you can get Kratom where you are, I swear that was what made this time successful for me. Also if you've access, gabapentin or pregablin can help against that feeling that the world is ending and you're already in hell. You already mentioned fear, hope I'm not too insensitive saying that.
I've over two months of close to abstenance and I'm incredibly pleased with myself, too much really, overconfidence trips me up. I've spent more on Kratom than I was spending on poppy pods or opium but I feel much cleaner and I'm fairly sure I could step on a airplane and go anywhere for however long and I won't go into withdrawal because I'm leaving five days clean between using my DOC.
It's probably much easier for me because I get buprenorphine pain patches prescribed to me and while it's not easy to cut down to the amount in a patch, it's easier than aiming for zero. This is my longest time ever, I find this site helps.
You've the right attitude. Telling my husband I was addicted and trying to quit was the first sign (in hindsight) that I really meant to quit this time. After that it was a mere six months of on/off attempting to get clean, but now, no sweat, literally

I've got diazepam

 

[papercuts]

My tapering went to shit. Started off well. Cold turkey weekend! Yeeeeehaaaa

Sometimes all we can do is let it run out, then sweat it out.

 

[Sidban]

Sometimes all we can do is let it run out, then sweat it out.

Yup. Day 2. Took a sleeping pill. It worked. Forced myself to exercise today. Going for a walk with my wife. I've got chills and the shits. I'm saving my hot bath for later. It's the only thing I'm looking forward to. Tonight will probably be shitty but like you say, it has to come out. Hoping I'll be fit enough for work come Monday. I'll be going in regardless. It was nice waking up today without feeling horrible. That's how I was waking up under codeine. Guilt, fear and not wanting to get out of bed. I want rid of that bullshit. I want to live.

 

[papercuts]

My kids are determined to keep me clean. Second one is moving to another EU country, better jobs, at least it's not as awkward as the first one moving to GB and getting such a good job he's never coming home. I don't like crossing borders much, it scares me long term because I'll manage one trip at a time then want back on the pods, then I'll get searched visiting my kids. I guess as a problem I should be glad this is what's worrying me and we still have homes to sleep in.
Still trying my best to run out of green, can't believe how many bits and pieces I've left lying around including about half a quarter of forgotten hash. By the time I'm through that I'll have access to more fresh stuff.
I want to know if I'm ok without it before I'm travelling (same old story) but I can't do it.
It gets to 5pm and if I've been working I need it, if I'm not working that day then I'm stoned before then already.

 

[Squeaky]

My kids are determined to keep me clean. Second one is moving to another EU country, better jobs, at least it's not as awkward as the first one moving to GB and getting such a good job he's never coming home. I don't like crossing borders much, it scares me long term because I'll manage one trip at a time then want back on the pods, then I'll get searched visiting my kids. I guess as a problem I should be glad this is what's worrying me and we still have homes to sleep in.
Still trying my best to run out of green, can't believe how many bits and pieces I've left lying around including about half a quarter of forgotten hash. By the time I'm through that I'll have access to more fresh stuff.
I want to know if I'm ok without it before I'm travelling (same old story) but I can't do it.
It gets to 5pm and if I've been working I need it, if I'm not working that day then I'm stoned before then already.

It sounds like you really need to separate your goals. If you only want to get off that stuff so you don’t get searched when traveling, then if the pandemic gets worse again you’ll have a great excuse to get high again.

 

[hylite]

Oh the tapering thread !!!! Its the perfect timing. And just what I need.

I am at the bitter end of my taper. And this is the most terrifying part of it right now.

Not ready to jump off of anything sadly. Mostly udder and almost complete confusion.

The sadness has already passed the panic is setting in. Now.

Just something I am going through bad right now. But I know I can't quit so I might

just need five more this time.

I guess I will be back up one level to the sadness.

The fear will await. Till later.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Been training 2.5 years. Blue belt. Haven't been in 2 weeks cos of this codeine bullshit.

I wish you success in kicking the codeine. I know when I am training regularly that when I do miss a class or roll, I feel pretty sour. I've found jiu jitsu to be addicting in and of itself. But in a good way.

Haven't trained in 6 months and I feel myself getting softer every day

 

[papercuts]

It sounds like you really need to separate your goals. If you only want to get off that stuff so you don’t get searched when traveling, then if the pandemic gets worse again you’ll have a great excuse to get high again.

Apart from that I'm definitely getting physical withdrawals at day 2 and 3 of my plan of using pods every sixth day.
It's a repeating pattern.
I wasn't able to eat yesterday, only three small bits of bread dipped in soup, felt so sick, so I lay awake with stomach pains, sweating all night and I'm no better today (day 3 of 6).
My head is ok with it but my body isn't.

Question; I used opiates daily for most of the two years of the pandemic, from maybe Aug 2020 until 11 weeks ago, with other attempts to quit along the way, will my body reset eventually or will I keep getting wds like this after only one day of use?

 

[Sidban]

Oh the tapering thread !!!! Its the perfect timing. And just what I need.

I am at the bitter end of my taper. And this is the most terrifying part of it right now.

Not ready to jump off of anything sadly. Mostly udder and almost complete confusion.

The sadness has already passed the panic is setting in. Now.

Just something I am going through bad right now. But I know I can't quit so I might

just need five more this time.

I guess I will be back up one level to the sadness.

The fear will await. Till later.

Fuck fear!

You've got this. I'm on day 3 and had a shitty morning but I'm OK now. It gets better. I feel better

What substance are you on?

 

[Sidban]

I wish you success in kicking the codeine. I know when I am training regularly that when I do miss a class or roll, I feel pretty sour. I've found jiu jitsu to be addicting in and of itself. But in a good way.

Haven't trained in 6 months and I feel myself getting softer every day

Thanks man. I'm on day 3. The hump. Feeling OK.

I want it to be tomorrow now, you know?

Spot on regarding the jujitsu lol. I'm going back next week fuck it. Get smashed to bits lol

 

[Sidban]

Thanks man. I'm on day 3. The hump. Feeling OK.

I want it to be tomorrow now, you know?

Spot on regarding the jujitsu lol. I'm going back next week fuck it. Get smashed to bits lol

DAY 4. Still clean. Wee bit of diazepam has helped. Fix that later, another taper.

Went to work. Got through it. About to go in the bath. Still feel a bit shitty but mostly psychological and mad cravings.

Telling my wife was the difference. I was too scared to tell anyone. Gotta have support. It's a must.

The diazepam taper is next. Long road. But just now it's helping. As are baths, exercise, getting out the house, healthy food.

No jujitsu tonight. Not a fucking chance lol. I am knackered. Wednesday.

Today I looked at trees and felt happy briefly. I'm a teacher. I was also "nicer" to my students