Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Squeaky]

Interesting side note:
I only get about 3 hours in between Kratom doses before my pains return. I took a dozen percs yesterday at 3:00pm and I was good until around 2:00 am. Today I was ok for about 5 hours between my first and second dose of Kratom. It actually feels like the percs are extending my Kratom effects. Maybe the huge amount of Tylenol???? Dunno

 

[papercuts]

I’m trying hard to not do the CWE trick. I know if it works I’ll burn through my percs like I did my oxy’s.
I’ll live. I drank a liter of gin and whiskey every day for more than a decade. About 5 years ago I just quit. No withdrawals. In the middle of that I had extensive blood work done and I was very healthy(even got drunk the night before). Some extra Tylenol won’t do me in but it’s keeping me honest.

I used to drink a litre of vodka at a time with my friend, an equally small female as myself, she used to drink a litre of Arak/raki/ouzo, whatever name you like, and once we'd finished our litre bottles, we were good to go dancing! Only that quantity at weekends, less on other evenings, I miss living with her, it was fun, my point is that doesn't make you invincible, my liver is no more than "ok", that's what my doctor said, but "ok" isn't sick, not yet, I don't drink any more, but opiates go through the liver too and I'd rather save whatever capacity my liver has left for that and for living!

 

[Squeaky]

I used to drink a litre of vodka at a time with my friend, an equally small female as myself, she used to drink a litre of Arak/raki/ouzo, whatever name you like, and once we'd finished our litre bottles, we were good to go dancing! Only that quantity at weekends, less on other evenings, I miss living with her, it was fun, my point is that doesn't make you invincible, my liver is no more than "ok", that's what my doctor said, but "ok" isn't sick, not yet, I don't drink any more, but opiates go through the liver too and I'd rather save whatever capacity my liver has left for that and for living!

I am getting older. Prostate is huge. Mind isn’t as sharp. Skin looks like leather. And I can tell that all of my liver’s responsibilities are taking more work than when I was younger. It’s definitely not fun getting old.....

 

[Squeaky]

I wonder how many people on Bluelight are disappointed that I’m back on the pills?

 

[n3ophy7e]

I wonder how many people on Bluelight are disappointed that I’m back on the pills?

Disappointed is certainly not the word I would use. Sympathetic, is more like it. I know exactly what it's like to relapse. Don't be hard on yourself though, and don't expect others to be hard on you. It happens dude. What happens next and the choices you make now are way more important than what's already happened.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I wonder how many people on Bluelight are disappointed that I’m back on the pills?

I'm sure there was nobody more disappointed than yourself. Some can sympathize as they are in the same boat and some realize it was just a matter of time. To truly make a commitment to any life change one has to be ready for all the complication that their change throws at them. That's where we all get weak and sometimes fail. When we are ready to say enough is enough then we can move on and deal with all the BS that change entails. And if we are never tired of the merry go round we just ride it forever and make peace with it.

 

[papercuts]

I wonder how many people on Bluelight are disappointed that I’m back on the pills?

I didn't mean to sound disappointed in any way. You stayed off them for four months, better than I've done recently. We've all been there. The next move is yours.

 

[papercuts]

I have to get healthy again. And soon like quick. This morning I woke up and my forearm hurt all the way up from the tendonitis you know. So it seemed to be really strained from something maybe. So I wore my left handed brace. Yeah that I didn't even know I had one. And made it kind of tight and within 15 minutes the pain was gone. And it could hurt for over a day. So I know I am not even taking care of my health that well right now. However, can low dose withdrawal cause pain all the way into the bone ? Like it said back in a previous post. But could this be me ?
Anyway just remember even small doses are significant to me in my humble testament.

Yes, I think any opioid withdrawal will reveal pains you'd forgotten or never even had before, especially in the bones. Any weakness, it will find it, to push you back to using more.

 

[papercuts]

How is it that I was abstenant (except my legit prescriptions) for close to two months, then started taking a little when I really needed it and three weeks later I'm using more than before and I'm losing days? Yesterday was Sunday, I have no recollection of it ever being Friday or Saturday. I don't know what happened except I was safely at home the whole time. Probably. Fricking three weeks after having it so well controlled. It seems that slippery slope is steeper and slippier every time I try to stay top of it.

 

[papercuts]

And I need to stop buying real nice luxury goods online during my time away. My credit card is burning me.

 

[Squeaky]

I have to get healthy again. And soon like quick. This morning I woke up and my forearm hurt all the way up from the tendonitis you know. So it seemed to be really strained from something maybe. So I wore my left handed brace. Yeah that I didn't even know I had one. And made it kind of tight and within 15 minutes the pain was gone. And it could hurt for over a day. So I know I am not even taking care of my health that well right now. However, can low dose withdrawal cause pain all the way into the bone ? Like it said back in a previous post. But could this be me ?
Anyway just remember even small doses are significant to me in my humble testament.

My experience is absolutely yes. The kinds of pain I endured for about 2 months hurt everything from my hair to my toenails (not exaggerating). The aches and pains were so deep into my bones that even after a month off the pills I was assuming it was from my surgery. The biggest mother f’er I have experienced in my attempt to get away from my prescription was that the Dr says it will be all over in a couple of days - NOT!. Google says more like a week to 10 days- NOT! Myself, I detoxed once before off a lower dose and I was fine after about a month. But after 5 years and ending up at 300mg + per day on oxy..... the list of pains was a mile long and went on for more than 2 months. The deep bone pain isn’t life threatening but there’s really no words to describe how it felt.

I got really sick once, flu I think. The only real symptom I had was a high fever that made my bones feel like I had been driven over by a locomotive. My Dr called it a “bone crushing fever”. That’s pretty much how I felt, on and off, for two months.

 

[Squeaky]

How is it that I was abstenant (except my legit prescriptions) for close to two months, then started taking a little when I really needed it and three weeks later I'm using more than before and I'm losing days? Yesterday was Sunday, I have no recollection of it ever being Friday or Saturday. I don't know what happened except I was safely at home the whole time. Probably. Fricking three weeks after having it so well controlled. It seems that slippery slope is steeper and slippier every time I try to stay top of it.

That’s exactly how it went for me. The deeper the whole is, the farther you fall.
Unfortunately, the body doesn’t know the difference between the ones you were prescribed and the ones you weren’t.

I’m convinced that the only way I’m going to get my life back on track is to give up everything. Pills, booze, caffeine, Kratom, even McDonald’s. Every one of those puts a strain on my liver, kidneys, etc. I think the only way I’ll ever get back to sleeping through the night and waking up refreshed is to get back to some sort of healthy diet.

 

[Squeaky]

I didn't mean to sound disappointed in any way. You stayed off them for four months, better than I've done recently. We've all been there. The next move is yours.

No worries. I know you are all trying to help. Part of the reason I said that is because I really do appreciate everyone’s concern. The support and information I have received here on BlueLight has been priceless. I was kind of hoping to get a thousand responses to that message, all telling me to quit again.

 

[Squeaky]

I didn't mean to sound disappointed in any way. You stayed off them for four months, better than I've done recently. We've all been there. The next move is yours.

No worries. I know you are all trying to help. Part of the reason I said that is because I really do appreciate everyone’s concern. The support and information I have received here on BlueLight has been priceless. I was kind of hoping to get a thousand responses to that message, all telling me to quit again

 

[Nurse Ratched]

No worries. I know you are all trying to help. Part of the reason I said that is because I really do appreciate everyone’s concern. The support and information I have received here on BlueLight has been priceless. I was kind of hoping to get a thousand responses to that message, all telling me to quit again.

Believe in your heart that you got a thousand messages and that you want to really try with the booze and pills and cheeseburgers. Once we get our mental addiction to the pills under control we can have a cheeseburger once in awhile. And a beer at a B-B-Q and a pain pill ( not 8 or 9 ) when we are in agony. We just can't do it every day is all. Your mind and the oxy are still very much entwined. You beat withdraw ( body wise ) but I'm afraid the mental part is very difficult. Nothin' harder than telling your mind you don't want that pill. And then not taking it . You'll get there. You simply aren't ready yet. Never quit trying.

 

[Squeaky]

Believe in your heart that you got a thousand messages and that you want to really try with the booze and pills and cheeseburgers. Once we get our mental addiction to the pills under control we can have a cheeseburger once in awhile. And a beer at a B-B-Q and a pain pill ( not 8 or 9 ) when we are in agony. We just can't do it every day is all. Your mind and the oxy are still very much entwined. You beat withdraw ( body wise ) but I'm afraid the mental part is very difficult. Nothin' harder than telling your mind you don't want that pill. And then not taking it . You'll get there. You simply aren't ready yet. Never quit trying.

That’s just about exactly correct......

 

[Squeaky]

10 years ago I drank..... a lot. But that was all. No weed, tobacco, pills, etc. Pretty healthy diet.
Now I have so many vices it’s scary. Vaping, pills, weed.... I think I was better off being a drunk.

I have been using my Percocet in large quantities for the last few days. I’m only using them twice per day and that is going much better than when I was using the oxy 30’s all day long. Kratom in between. I’m not delusional. I know it’s not better to be hooked on Percocet than oxy 30’s. Probably worse because of the Tylenol. But my fear of the Tylenol is helping to keep me from going further. It is really nice to have some pain relief to look forward to though. It does suck however that I am back to planning my day around my pills. I’ll have run out in a few days, so I’ll see how much this is going to suck when there’s none left (again).

This feels like I’ll need to give them to my wife again starting next month. I was really hoping to police myself, and I still might be able to. But it’s looking less and less likely.

One of the things I had been hoping for was to be able to help other people by offering my pharmacy-at-home service (ex: my friend had 4 wisdom teeth pulled recently and the dentist gave only ibuprofen. I gave him a couple of Percocet to get past the first couple of days of pain). It’s a lot easier to give someone a couple of Percocet and say break them in half instead of one oxy 30 and telling them to break them in 6th’s. I had been out of Percocet for a few years, but now I’ll eventually have a large stash of them.
I really enjoy helping other people and my dream is to turn my experience into a tool I can use to help others.

 

[Squeaky]

At least now that I’m dosing myself only twice per day(or less) my bowels are moving. Not quite normally, but my previous record for not having a ‘movement’ was 14 days. Two weeks of being backed up wasn’t really a problem until the pills ran out and everything tried to start up again. Probably the closest any man will ever get to giving birth. (Imagine pushing a tennis ball through a garden hose). More than unpleasant!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Please people, do not laugh me out of this thread. I am serious for once.

6 days ahead. 30 grams of tobacco left. Normally i smoke about 10g a day. If i run out, i am fucked. Then i will be wandering the streets again, looking for cigarette butts. That increases my self loathing and shame, and i don't think that is a cool thing to do during a pandemic.

Crap. Craving for a cigarette right now. But i won't roll one. I will roll one when it is absolutely crucial, in order to keep the remnants of my mental "health".

Thanks.

 

[papercuts]

10 years ago I drank..... a lot. But that was all. No weed, tobacco, pills, etc. Pretty healthy diet.
Now I have so many vices it’s scary. Vaping, pills, weed.... I think I was better off being a drunk.

I have been using my Percocet in large quantities for the last few days. I’m only using them twice per day and that is going much better than when I was using the oxy 30’s all day long. Kratom in between. I’m not delusional. I know it’s not better to be hooked on Percocet than oxy 30’s. Probably worse because of the Tylenol. But my fear of the Tylenol is helping to keep me from going further. It is really nice to have some pain relief to look forward to though. It does suck however that I am back to planning my day around my pills. I’ll have run out in a few days, so I’ll see how much this is going to suck when there’s none left (again).

This feels like I’ll need to give them to my wife again starting next month. I was really hoping to police myself, and I still might be able to. But it’s looking less and less likely.

One of the things I had been hoping for was to be able to help other people by offering my pharmacy-at-home service (ex: my friend had 4 wisdom teeth pulled recently and the dentist gave only ibuprofen. I gave him a couple of Percocet to get past the first couple of days of pain). It’s a lot easier to give someone a couple of Percocet and say break them in half instead of one oxy 30 and telling them to break them in 6th’s. I had been out of Percocet for a few years, but now I’ll eventually have a large stash of them.
I really enjoy helping other people and my dream is to turn my experience into a tool I can use to help others.

I've never heard of an addict stockpiling for random others who might have need of pain relief. I stockpile all I can, because I've experienced a doctor saying, "That's your lot, no more prescriptions, you're better". It's not nice of them. I would help anyone by giving them away, not a problem.
Just bear in mind, the stockpile will be used by it's addicted owner in most cases.
Then there's that other problem, these laxatives aren't working