Using MDMA therapeutically when alone?

[Tranced]

Well today I tried 58mg as sort of a low dose test of potency or what you could describe as a "mega-dose allergy test". I certainly felt it rather stronger but mostly it made me feel weird/anxious and kind of edgy.

Granted i had taken 30mg of dextroamphetamine early in the day. But I am pretty certain i would have had a similar result regardless of the dexedrine. But I suppose now I know the strength of this batch, seems pretty strong.

I felt like i almost felt good from this dose but never actually felt good. Almost felt like reaching out my arms and stretching on a bed, almost felt like i was freezing cold and wanted to be under blankets, almost felt like yawning (all the typical serotonergic effects). Pupils are a little dilated.

I pretty much knew this would be the outcome, though I was hoping it would be a little more pleasant. It was a suprisingly rough comeup for something that didn't even materialize into anything, probably because of the dextroamphetamine (or maybe it would have been even a worse experience without the dextroamphetamine).

For my actual dose I'm thinking maybe 140mg or so. No dextroamphetamine of course, in fact I'll probably discontinue the dextroamphetamine for a few days prior. I wonder if taking it 1 month from now would be too soon. I can't imagine that this 58mg dose released too much serotonin.

Hey man,

Sorry to hear that, yeah pretty much exactly what I imagined would happen if you took the small dose, Ive always hated not being quite up. Forgot how deeply frustrating it could be but you summarised it well.

There's a reason people call it 'coming up' or 'rolling' and thats basically that you aim for the peak, otherwise sadly it can be a bit like this.

Just think of all those emotions and feelings bubbling up but not bursting the surface; its no wonder not being fully 'up' can be so frustrating, and doing so just ridiculously exillerating.

"It was a suprisingly rough comeup for something that didn't even materialize into anything"

This and your other comments about just... almost... stretching, etc, are exactly it. So close yet too far. I'm always happy once my jaw starts rattling, that's when I know I'm up, and my mind starts sort of rolling forward in waves of silly beauty.

140mg is a dose that gets my nod. Enjoy! One month is absolutely fine. You could do it sooner, but whatever you're comfortable with.

 

[robbli777]

I've been using m0llie alone for self therapy reasons for 7 months now, my God, I had some major breakthroughs into understanding what is at the core of my long term problems from childhood (an accumulation of self-hatred) partially due to the abandonment and neglect plus living with undiagnosed mental and neurological conditions.

I'm aware of the dangers of manifesting a dependency, so I've been taking it usually once every 2 months going on nature walks listening to music on headphones and writing in a journal, some say it should only be taken once or twice a year. I've struggled with mushrooms and ayahuasca (ceremonially) for healing, m0llie only seems to be the only substance working for me with some deep epiphanies (light bulb moments) about myself and sh1t I struggle with, yet I do struggle with integration after, so maybe it's worth looking into after care support rather going it completely alone?

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

if you can write while you're on mdma, you either didn't take enough or it was weak sauce

 

[negrogesic]

As an update to this I did go ahead with it back in late December. I went with 160mg (or perhaps it was 180mg).

Turned out pretty awful, I had like an almost 2 hour come up until I finally felt comfortable. Made me feel quite tense and anxious, so much so that the comeup overshadowed the "roll".

At the time i had been rubbing testosterone gel on my balls for a number of weeks prior. Turns out that upon later testing my total testosterone was in the 2400ng/dl range, which is perhaps what was behind the extreme tension.

But yeah it was a pretty big fail.

 

[robbli777]

if you can write while you're on mdma, you either didn't take enough or it was weak sauce

Sometimes I zone out in bliss unable to do anything, other times I pick up a pen and write and go into a flow state off loading thoughts and messages to myself. I usually take 150mg, maybe I need to add some bumps.