Film What's the Last Film You Saw? v. Tell Us What You Thought!

[TheLoveBandit]

Parker (2013) <Netflix>

Jason Statham does minimal Jason Statham action. J-Lo plays a simple local, and does it quite well. If you want a Statham action film, this isn't it, really. There's only a few action sequences. If you want to see J-Lo, she gets down to her underwear (looks more like a bikini to me) which is meh. There are a couple of boob shots of Emma Booth portraying Statham's girlfriend. Oh, and there's a story line that partially involves a very old, very overweight Nick Nolte. Premise is that Nolte used to be a thief, and Statham is dating his daughter and is also a thief and they know about each other professionally and are on good terms. Nolte talks Statham into 'one more job' for an easy $200k with a team of guys Statham doesn't know. Job gets done, badly, then the team turns on Statham and leave him for dead. He's not, he connects with Nolte to track them down then sets about his vengeance. J-Lo gets rolled in as a local real estate agent in the area the team is hiding out whom Statham leans on for help. Ok, I'm going to stop there. Action earns 3/10, Babes earn 4/10, non-star actors earn 1/10 while the stars earn 5/10, story earns another 4/10. Averages out to about a 4/10 and not worth your time even if you are a Statham fan. If you are a J-Lo fan, I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but you will also be disappointed.

 

[TheLoveBandit]

Army of the Dead (2021) <Netflix>

Batista in the lead role of a zombie flick. I liked the premise, though the opening was a bit of a headslap for me in that the first 15-20min went one direction then the rest of the film felt like it jumped a different way than I was being led. Maybe that's on my and my limited brain power at the time. Anyway, the opening had Batista and some friends saving people at the point in time a zombie apocalypse breaks out in Vegas. We're treated to some pretty good eye candy of explosions and zombie killing to set things up, and it continues throughout the film. Early on we establish that Vegas got over run with zombies, walled up to keep them in, and the rest of the nation is waiting as the President decides to nuke Vegas to rid us of the infection. In steps a casino owner to hire Batista and a team to go in and recover $200m in the casino basement (he's been paid by the insurance, so this is free money of which Batista and team get to keep $50m if they can get it). Along the way we have some old crew of his involved, his estranged daughter who is a volunteer nearby helping refugees, and a handful of others added in for body count and plot twists (nothing major or surprising). You know from the beginning the money isn't the real goal, but we're dragged through a thin plot with lots of action to get to the very mild twist. I'd recommend this for the action, not the dialogue or story or characters. It's a cheap escape and a decent spend of time but not something you need to seek out. 5.5/10.

 

[TheLoveBandit]

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) <In Theatre>

I went in expecting big monster fights, and got them. However, there was more to it that just action and monsters. We have a lead female scientist tending to Kong in an enclosed artificial world to simulate Skull Island as history has shown if two titans exist and are aware of one another they will fight to the death, and folks are worried Godzilla will show up and end him. We throw in a deaf mute Inuit girl adopted by the Kong scientist, but she has a role in the film and isn't just there to pull on heart strings. Meanwhile, we have Millie Bobby Brown (11 from Stranger Things) from the earlier Godzilla film working to protect him while her father appears to be crisis manager for global Godzilla attacks. Recall, in the last film, Godzilla was the protector of the people, we became his pets. The story picks up with Kong showing displeasure at being held captive, even if it is for his own good and is a simulated home for him. We then switch to Godzilla launching an attack on a science station for unknown reasons. The 'people in charge' then bring forth a theory (apparently it's been around awhile) about a 'Hollow Earth' and that at the center of Earth there is a habitable world from which these titans came, and they believe they can get Kong to lead them back to this place so they can tap the energy that created the titans in order to get Godzilla in check. Not to spoil it, but we have a few Kong-Godzilla fights which are good in their own right. Then, we do get into Hollow Earth and find out Kong's role there....meanwhile Godzilla is tearing another science facility apart in Hong Kong. The two get into some throwback city stomping, then in the final act we have a new villain titan appear, to change the dynamics of the fight. I wasn't expecting this villain, but it fit very well with the story. Support and lead characters aren't great, and some sidekicks are a bit annoying, but overall they carry the story and allow us to have a true Kong v Godzilla film. Worth seeing on the big screen. 7.5/10

 

[birdup.snaildown]

I tried to watch Godzilla vs Kong and made it about 10/15 minutes in before I turned it off. What an absolute pile of shit. The plot is unbearably stupid. This is one of those films that even the actors know it sucks so bad that they can't bring themselves to deliver their lines with any conviction.

It's astonishingly bad. The worst film I've seen for years.

This is coming from somebody who loves monster films. I liked Godzilla (2014) and Kong: Skull Island. Loved Pacific Rim... but this film is dogshit.

@TheLoveBandit

7.5/10

What are you fucking crazy?

 

[TheLoveBandit]

What are you fucking crazy?

In my 50-ish years, I think I've stopped only 1-2 films short. The pain and suffering makes me know I'm alive, that I can appreciate when it is done.

But yeah, I like this one. I also haven't' been in a theater in 18mo, and I used to go frequently. But I liked it enough I'd watch again. In a theater.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I tried to watch Godzilla vs Kong and made it about 10/15 minutes in before I turned it off. What an absolute pile of shit. The plot is unbearably stupid. This is one of those films that even the actors know it sucks so bad that they can't bring themselves to deliver their lines with any conviction.

It's astonishingly bad. The worst film I've seen for years.

This is coming from somebody who loves monster films. I liked Godzilla (2014) and Kong: Skull Island. Loved Pacific Rim... but this film is dogshit.

@TheLoveBandit



What are you fucking crazy?

I don't like even the 'better' monster flicks like Pacific Rim. Then again, I have blockbuster bias. Haven't seen too many of them to really pass judgement so I'll just step out now

 

[birdup.snaildown]

In my 50-ish years, I think I've stopped only 1-2 films short. The pain and suffering makes me know I'm alive, that I can appreciate when it is done.

Haha. You're an odd cookie. Sometimes I'll sit through a bad movie if it's so bad it's funny, but this one was just painful for me and I'm not a glutton for punishment like you.

I also haven't been in a theater in 18mo, and I used to go frequently. But I liked it enough I'd watch again. In a theater.

Were you super high when you watched it or something?

I think I've only walked out of two movies in the cinema:

1) Avatar 3D. I tried 3D once and it instantly gave me a headache. Never again. My eyesight is too fucked for 3D. I saw it later in 2D and thought it was mediocre but definitely watchable.

2) The Passion of the Christ. I walked out when they were torturing Jesus. Apparently that scene goes on for like half an hour. A couple of minutes was enough for me. Why the fuck would I want to watch someone being tortured?

I often turn off movies if I don't like them. Life is short and - thanks to piracy - movies are free now. If I want to be tortured, I will just take off my pants and ask the Mrs. to light a candle.

 

[Specified]

tAKEN.

Hello, You;ve been taken.

 

[The Wizard of the Creek]

I often turn off movies if I don't like them. Life is short and - thanks to piracy - movies are free now. If I want to be tortured, I will just take off my pants and ask the Mrs. to light a candle.

Ever tried to watch La La Land? Did you like it?

 

[birdup.snaildown]

@The Wizard of the Creek

If there's a scene with Emma Stone dripping candle wax on Ryan Gosling's balls I'll give it a go.

 

[MydriHaze]

 

[Burnt Offerings]

tAKEN.

Hello, You;ve been taken.

Taken 2: The Re Takening!

I recently watched The Whole Nine Yards (2000). It was OK I guess

There are a couple of boob shots of Emma Booth portraying Statham's girlfriend.

Speaking of which, Amanda Peet had a nice set on her

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Ever tried to watch La La Land? Did you like it?

I loved La La Land personally (and I HATE musicals), so much so that I bought the Bluray recently. Go figure

 

[MydriHaze]

I watched Nomadland. Beside a pittoresque portrait of a too unkown marginality fringe of america, it's the main character who catch all the reflexions of all the people met, of all daily situations which she got herself through, without giving up on her grief and therefore without giving up on herself

 

[MydriHaze]

A Scanner Dakly, been a while, this film is so trippy, so gloomy, so surreal... And it's the only Philip K. Dick's movie adaptation which stick to the script and not just steal a concept from one of the many he wrote to make a sensational businessed piece of shity-art. I advise the book though, the feelings of paranoia and losing of identity are more tangibles

 

[Cream Gravy?]

one of the many he wrote to make a sensational businessed piece of shity-art.

Awww come on man, no one can deny the utter beauty and existentialism of Blade Runner: The Director's Cut. I literally just bought a new Bluray copy because my old DVD copy doesn't scale right on a 4k tv any longer.

Total Recall (1990) was fun too, sure a bit more, eh, commercial? But mad decent nonetheless.

 

[MydriHaze]

Blade Runner is the exception, of course But it's kinda tragic, because Philip K Dick was more of an underground author until he met Ridley Scott, and he died a few mounths before the release, he didn't even get to see the whole movie...

Total Recall is garbage i think, Minority Report aslo in some kinda way, there's more but it don't worth it

 

[birdup.snaildown]

Boss Level (2021)

Naomi Watts doesn't really work as Frank Grillo's love interest. The casting is odd. He's not totally devoid of personality like some brick faced action stars, but he's not very likeable either. Add to that his character not being likeable. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to care about his relationship with the woman he abandoned to raise his son while he goes around club hopping, but I don't.

Mel Gibson's performance as the villain is the shining light of this film (if it has one). He has the best lines in the script and he delivers them beautifully. It's a shame. If you kept Watts and Gibson and replaced Grillo the film might not be half bad.

There's some good ideas, here and there... but - unfortunately - it's super unoriginal overall and there are plot holes a plenty.

4/10

 

[birdup.snaildown]

Total Recall is garbage i think

The original Paul Verhoeven Total Recall is a fucking classic. How dare you!

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep is way better than Blade Runner IMO. They took a book exploding with ideas and stripped it down to the bones.

 

[ghostfreak]

From the popular game comes the live action film. A writer moves to a remote island with his daughter and young son. After settling into their new home, a neighbor arrives to welcome them and give them a breakdown of the local rules; most important: do not go outside when the island's siren starts wailing.

To be honest it's nothing really to do with the Siren game series but it was actually a creepy wee film. Subtitled of course as not a fan of dubbed films unless done right.

Worth a watch if you can find it.

Solid 3.5/5