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Film What's the Last Film You Saw? v. Tell Us What You Thought!

Joined
Jan 21, 2020
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Yeah, Wizard. It is not the fault of movies. Or TV. It is my poor attention span. The length of a TV show is fine, let's say 45 minutes. But then i would have to watch the whole season to get the idea. Movies are way too long in length. I lose myself somewhere, and forget the movie then, not even half through :)
Alright, no judgments from me. I just happen to watch a lot of movies (at least 4 a day. No kidding!) i use to spend all my money on buying VHS tapes, then DVDs/Blue Rays. Now I have all of these streaming services and that fills my days watching movies. I don’t really get into TV series so much anymore, unless they are critically acclaimed or are somehow award winning or noteworthy?

I minored in film studies getting my bachelors degree and just love the art of making film and storytelling.

🧙‍♂️
 

birdup.snaildown

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The Wizard of the Creek said:
at least 4 a day. No kidding!

You average at least 4 movies a day? That's honestly crazier than 4 movies a year. I don't know how you even have the time for 4 movies a day. Average movies are like 100 minutes long. That's half a day, every day! I guess I just don't like movies enough to sustain that kind of habit. I also try to avoid re-watching stuff as much as possible. It ruins movies if you watch them too many times in short succession. You need to leave the brain time enough time to forget or you lose the magic. The longer the better. I use this technique with home photos and videos too. I didn't watch my wedding video during my entire first marriage because I figured it would be more impactful years later. Then, eventually, we got divorced. Now, ten years later, I still haven't seen it. I know when I do it will provoke an emotional reaction, just not the one I was hoping for back then.

I don't know if movies have gotten a lot shitter in the past 10/20 years, or if I'm jaded... but there's just not a lot of films being produced that work for me. I think I'm probably jaded. I don't like action scenes. I know so many people that shit on pro wrestling because it's fake but they love watching Hollywood fight scenes. Most comedies fucking suck. I hate it when people go see stand up comedy routines and laugh obnoxiously loud at everything. The sort of people that keep looking nervously at their friends every five seconds to make sure everyone is having a good time. It's just not that funny. Political correctness and the #metoo movement and all this BLM shit is killing cinema. Artists perform better when society gives them the freedom to be wild.

I also miss the days of the video store. Australia has very limited streaming services. My local video store used to stock 20,000 titles. I know because my brother worked there. Fifteen years later, Netflix has less than 4,000. Amazon has 9,000. I don't know how many films Disney Plus has, but you shouldn't have to combine the might of the three largest streaming services in the country to match what a local suburban video store had in stock fifteen years ago.

I'd say I average between 50 and 100 movies a year.
 
Joined
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You average at least 4 movies a day? That's honestly crazier than 4 movies a year. I don't know how you even have the time for 4 movies a day. Average movies are like 100 minutes long. That's half a day, every day! I guess I just don't like movies enough to sustain that kind of habit.
Yeah, 4 movies a day is about the average run time of what I watched yesterday:

Independence Day: Resurgence. It was nice to see Bill Pullman resurrect his role as President Whitmore, but definitely not worth the 2 plus hour (even if yesterday was the Fourth of July) run time.

Grade C

Men in Black: International. I enjoy the Men in Black movies and was entertained throughout this recent installment. I thought Tressa Thompson (Agent M) was cute enough as the new MIB protagonist, as well as Chris Hemsworth (Agent H) costaring . Fun movie

Grade C-

Let Him Go.This was the new premier on HBO this Saturday night starring Kevin Costner and Diane Lane. This movie kept my interest throughout the close to 2 hour run time. It’s a western tale that takes place during the early 1960’s about good vs. evil. I’m not going to spoil for anyone, but it resolves itself in the same manner that most good vs. evil tales resolvethemselves (Good guys win iirc)

Grade B

 

birdup.snaildown

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Cranston Academy: Monster Zone

Saw this in the cinema. It's another secret school for gifted kids film, like Harry Potter and X-Men, but it's a school for geniuses rather than wizards/mutants.

I don't like the animation very much. It costs a lot of money to make 3D animation worthwhile. I don't know what the budget was for Cranston, but (like a lot of 3D kids movies) it feels cheap. With the old classic Disney and Warner Bros. 2D cartoons that were produced in the early 20th century, they didn't have to compromise anything other than the frame rate. With 3D, you have to cut corners. Like a magician, you distract the audience with flashy gimmicks.

Most of the characters don't even offer an illusion of originality. Arguably nothing is original, but they could at least try. Most of the background characters aren't even mentioned by name (or, if they are, it is so brief you instantly forget it). I can't help but feel that kids films these days are so desperately spinning their plates, they don't have time to establish characters any more. The only characters - aside from Moth Man - that are given any time are Liz and Danny.

monster-zone-2021-movie-cranston-academy-monster-zone-netflix-amazon-apple-tv.jpg


Liz (on the left) and Danny (on the right).

Liz is the daughter of a genius. She is tough, but a little insecure. She speaks her mind. That's her entire personality. I'm not summarizing it. If anything, I'm being generous.

I watch these films and I instantly forget them. I forget them while I'm watching them.

This film has two (three if I'm being generous) redeeming features.

1. Moth Man.

114.jpg


If this was an American film, Moth Man would be a different character. Thankfully, it's not an American Film. It's a Mexican-Canadian-British-American film.

Moth Man is a Mexican stereotype. He loves tacos and enchiladas and he lives for hot sauce. Since he's a moth, he also has a tendency to fall in love with light bulbs.

2. The monsters.

SCS_FullMovie-Final.00_33_48_21.Imagen-fija069-717x401.jpg


The monsters aren't ground breaking like H.R. Giger collaborating with Ridley Scott, but they're good. They're well above average for a kids film. It's hard to find pics for this film because it's not doing well so these images don't really do the film justice.

3. The Hamster.

The typical cute/silly animal that is always there for comic relief. Sometimes these characters are misfires. I liked the hamster. He only gets a couple minutes of screen time, which is just right. Often these kids flicks hit the cute button too much.

5/10

I kind of hated the female character (Liz) throughout the entire movie. When the credits started rolling, I realized why. She is voiced by Ruby Rose, who is best known as they Australian actress who played Stella in Orange is the New Black... I think a lot of the time people who aren't Australian don't see the cringe as clearly as Australians. Same thing with foreign films in general. I haven't spent that much time in America, so it doesn't even blip on my radar when something is completely inaccurate. You might look at Ruby Rose and think she's human. From an Australian perspective, she isn't human. She's a big bag of horse shit. If I knew she was in it beforehand, the film would get 1/10.
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

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MDPOPE (The Most Disturbed Person On Planet Earth) - 2 Stars and 5 stars - two ratings because I'd give the experience two stars as in enjoyability - although this is not something any human would ever enjoy, that's very much the wrong verb - and 5 stars because this compilation (that's what it is, a non-narrative 147min compilation of 60-something clips) absolutely sets out what it attempts to do. The guy behind this compilation created it in an attempt to "prove" his claim that he is indeed the Most Disturbed Person on Planet Earth. MDPOPE makes most traditional "shock sites" look like Pollyanna. There's a reason this "movie" - which is one of three in a series - is known as the holy grail of disturbing movies. It IS. Nothing comes close except maybe F.U.B.A.R or Goreporn Vol. 1 and 2.
Again, not a movie since it has no narrative structure and no acted or staged scenes, not even ones just claiming to be real (I'm looking at you, Faces of Death). Every extreme, disturbing type of porn is shown in clips here (let me put it this way, 2 Girls, 1 Cup - which is actually just a trailer for a full-length German porn movie called Hungry Bitches - is in here and is maybe the tamest of the porn clips), frequently involving urine, faeces, vomit and animals. Many, MANY clips from the likes of Ogrish and Live Leaks websites.
It DOES contain genuine snuff, including killers who taped their torture/murder of a victim.
The worst for me was probably the Crushing porn (no, not BBW sitting on skinny men, that's Squashing). If you know, you know. If you don't, I envy you.
The term NSFL has never applied to anything more.
And yet...I wasn't as bothered as I thought I'd be by 90% of it....maybe I'm the most disturbed person on planet earth? lol. But no 'cause I didn't enjoy it. It's more of an endurance thing.

Anyone on here ACTUALLY watched this?
 

Cream Gravy?

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Blade Runner 2049, on the other hand, is just garbage. YMMV.
I wouldn't say it was absolute garbage (in that as a visually entertaining spectacle, it thrived)... but in that Dennis didn't follow the Final Cut ending... he totally threw it out the window. So the plot was pretty blah as a result to me. R. Scott went out of his way to show us who were replicants and who weren't, though very subtly, while Dennis V. just threw that idea straight out... into the garbage. THEN he cast Jared Leto as Tyrell's successor???! CHRIST. I heard David Bowie was gonna play that role but then well, he died. So... somehow Leto was runner up.

The mere presence of Jared Leto in a film usually bumps it down a few points for me; I cannot stand the guy and he's a very subpar actor IMO.
You average at least 4 movies a day? That's honestly crazier than 4 movies a year. I don't know how you even have the time for 4 movies a day.
I often watch 2-4 films per day, sometimes 5. Ahhhh, the life of a house husband. I take care of all our finances/yard work/pets/repairs/cars, etc. And in exchange I get a heck of a lot of freedom with my time and how I spend it. Some days I watch no movies cause so much shit needs attending (this week we got a new dog and she's a handful, very busy), others I'll watch 5 and take a tab or two of LSD lol.




Watched Nacho Libre again earlier this week. It is hands down one of the funniest (and PG?) films of all time. I had pain in my abs from laughing so much lol. 9/10
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

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My favorite John Waters film is by far Serial Mom. If you haven’t seen it, please do!

Hairspray is a purposefully whitewashed social satire about the 50’s-60’s. That is what many people (like me) find endearing about the film. Waters did not make a mistake doing his film this way. Here, listen to him about this:


Other than Serial Mom, watch Pecker!

John Waters is an old creepy queen from Baltimore that I have really enjoyed throughout the years.

Serial Mom:


🧙‍♂️

I love Serial Mom!

"Pussywillows, Dotty!"

The movie is awesome. That and Sleepaway Camp 2 are the only comedy-horror slasher movies I can think of that are super-fun and where you really root for the killer.

Weird you mention John Waters. I've seen some of his movies and have gotten back into watching the rest recently. I watch Cry Baby last weekend and enjoyed it, although his "PG-13" movies just aren't the same lol. I also watched Female Trouble a few days ago and watched the first bit of Desperate Living this morning.

Pecker was fun, too.

Pink Flamingos was the first I saw. I'm still shocked that Devine FOR REAL ate dog shit for that scene :sick: "Be gay, do crime!" lol

Have you ever managed to find a copy of his first super-rare film, Eat Your Makeup? There's another, too. Multiple Maniacs or something, I think?

Polyester was good, too, but I WISH I had gotten too see the "smellovision" version in the cinema (the audience were given numbered scratch-and-sniffs and the number would come on the screen when to do it).
 

ChemicallyEnhanced

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MDPOPE 2 (AKA The Most Disturbed Person on Planet Earth Part 2) - umm, 3 stars, I guess? - it's around 182 mins and held my attention throughout, so that's something. But the content....I thought the first MDPOPE was the most disturbing, fucked up experience of all time...well, they managed totop it. This time for sexytimes we get scat porn, vomit porn, bestiality and genital mutilation. For a bit of the old ultraviolence, we get extreme animal cruelty, the WORST disfigurements and accidents to ever happen, many genuine snuff films and a lot of torture.
Why would anyone want to watch this? I...they wouldn't I guess.
Extremely morbid curiosity/fascination is my reason.

I almost regret making my way through the worlds most disturbing movies these part 2 weeks. I've lost 7lbs (and I was only 124 to begin with) and have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep.
Somebody stop me!
 

birdup.snaildown

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It occurs to me writing these reviews that I still watch a lot of films... a lot more than my estimated 50 per year.

Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)

This is the third time I've seen this film. I take a lot of drugs over the past 14 years. It's rare that I'm this confident about the chronological viewing number. In this case, I know it's the third time because I distinctly remember remembering why I deleted it from my memory in the first place. Will this happen again? My bet is on yes.

It's not the worst film in the world. It has moments of Mr. Bean. I feel the same way about the Tom & Jerry movie and the new Star Wars. They aren't entirely misfires. There are several minutes of Star Wars gold in each entry of the sequel trilogy. Unfortunately, the rest is totally misguided.

I love Mr. Bean. I don't get enough Rowan Atkinson. He's a fucking gem. If literally anybody else on the planet played the titular character Blackadder, it wouldn't have been the same.

I liked Johnny English mainly because I love Atkinson, but English was way better than Bean 2. There are so many things I don't like about this movie.

I thought the first Bean film was perfect. When he talked at the end and gave that speech about Whistler's mother, it somehow worked. They pulled it off.

Making a Bean movie isn't easy. He's basically a mime, without the miming.

4/10 (because I'm willing to torture myself for a bit more bean).
 

birdup.snaildown

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ChemicallyEnhanced said:


When I was a teenager my local video store had a film called Executions, which was a documentary about death. They had actual footage of people dying in the electric chair and people being hung from the gallows, etc. There was also footage of a guy being shot in the face which always stayed with me. I found it fascinating when I was a teenager.

The Human Centipede scratches a certain itch.

I saw footage of a man's head being cut off online many years ago. It's totally unlike we see it in movies. They should rectify that. Why doesn't a horror director make a movie that is as brutal as reality?

I'm desensitized. I want to be scared... but, I don't want to watch what you're describing. I haven't seen 2 girls 1 cup because I want to be able to maintain an erection.
 

Cream Gravy?

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Watched Terminator 2: Judgement Day yesterday. Not my first rodeo with it. Not as good as the first film, but classic. Don't know why/how there were any follow up films though.

7/10


Also watched Stardust again with the wife. Such a quirky, humorous fantasy film, with one of DeNiro's most entertaining roles of all.

7.7/10
 

izo

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Watched Terminator 2: Judgement Day yesterday. Not my first rodeo with it. Not as good as the first film, but classic. Don't know why/how there were any follow up films though.

i found terminator II to be the best out of the series but the first is also really good. then theres terminator 3, also really good. the ones that followed then were not that great, with the latest beeing one of the lamest.
 

Cream Gravy?

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i found terminator II to be the best out of the series but the first is also really good. then theres terminator 3, also really good. the ones that followed then were not that great, with the latest beeing one of the lamest.
As far as sequels go, T2 was one of the best ever. I just liked the original better for some reason. The final action scene at Cyberdyne in T2 is probably one of my favorite action scenes of all time though. Too much of T2 was harping on scenes from T1 to feel original at all though, maybe that's why I enjoyed the first more.

I recall watching T3 as a teen, but not really enjoying it much. Salvation w/ Christian Bale, eh... it was the second in a double-feature I saw at an outdoor cinema (The Hangover played first) and thirty minutes in we got bored and drove home lol
 

Cream Gravy?

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Ran (1985)

An adaptation of King Lear by Akira Kurosawa. This was one of the most beautifully, masterfully filmed movies I've ever seen. Set against a Samurai backdrop, co-produced by a French film company. Had never read Shakespeare's King Lear, but man... this was a tragedy if there ever was one. I could definitely see the Shakespearian elements throughout. Longwinded, depressing, tragic, but so well done. Worth a watch if you have two and a half hours of free time and feel like being bummed lol.

8.5/10
 

birdup.snaildown

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I've been watching a lot of kids films because it's hard to find time to put on an R rated film with a 2 year old running round the house. She sleeps a lot less than other kids her age, so that doesn't help.

Even though some of her favourite TV shows turn my brain to jelly, it's been nice to have a break from cinematic sex and violence.

You're never too old to have a chuckle at a Mickey Mouse cartoon. Of course, weed helps in that department.

I went to the cinema to see Spirit: Untamed the other day. It was my daughter's first cinema experience. She brought one of the Spirit toys I got her on eBay. When Spirit appeared for the first time, she jumped up and yelled, "It's Spirit!" How much I enjoyed the film is unquestionably influenced by seeing her witness the magic of cinema for the first time.

We are fans. We've seen the original film and all the episodes of all the (many) TV spin-offs... but this was a bit different.

The basically threw the original film Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron out when they made the TV shows, which suits me because I thought it was a bit artsy and pretentious... They don't work together as a package.

Spirit: Untamed is much closer to the TV show, but they recast and redesigned every character. Jake Gyllenhaal sweeps in and replaces Nolan North as Jim.

I wonder, do kids care about Jake Gyllenhaal? Are parents significantly more likely to take their kids to a film because it has Donnie Darko in it?

The original Jim was better. If I was Nolan North, I'd be pissed.

I don't think Walton Goggins added anything either, and I usually can't get enough of him. Julianne Moore replaced another relatively unknown actress. It goes on and on.

The main character - Lucky Prescott - is voiced by Dora from the live-action Dora the Explorer film (which I thought was a surprisingly good film but I was super baked so I'm sceptical of myself).

Most of the characters are close enough to their original versions.

Abigail is where they fucked up. They took a character that absolutely was not broken in any way and fixed her. In doing so, they lost a lot of the magic. She should have looked and acted exactly like she did in the original.

I can confidently say that I would have directed this film better.

Whoever was paid to do this doesn't care about the franchise.

6/10 (Spirit deserves better.)

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