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Question of the Week Who was your first love & how old were you?

Throughout this life there have been times where I’ve felt the heartache, as though I’ve loved.

Nowadays, I believe that I’ve only loved one woman. I was in my early 30s.

Her name was like music, and she inspired me to do things that I never though I could. She made me feel like no one before or after.

I never acted on it, then, we had a falling out. It was definitely caused because of my efforts to hide my feelings.

Today she is happily married with a young child. I on the other hand, am not.


Edit- I do have a 17 year old daughter who is anything and everything to me, but happily married with young child? Nope.
 
I was 17 and fell hopelessy in love with a girl at college who had a boyfriend.

I too didn't act on my feelings and aside from a glorious snog one day, nothing came of it.


I saw her the other day in the supermarket, and she's turned into a right munter.



Lucky escape...
 
I'd had relationships before, but the first time I truly fell in love with someone was not long after my 17th birthday. I was talking to this girl on Instagram who lived a bit under an hour away. Things started off with a lot of red flags. She pushed things forwards very quickly (saying she loved me when we'd only been seriously talking for under a week and had never met in person) and pressured me into a relationship. It gradually got more and more toxic. I made plenty of mistakes that I regret and definitely didn't treat her as well as I would have liked to. When I tried to end things about a month and a half in, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't get back together with her.

Things got bad after I didn't respond to her texts or calls for a couple days because I was sick of how she was treating me and needed space. She treated me 10x as poorly after that. Would bring up an emotionally abusive ex I dated for a week who had been harassing me for the two years since (she'd done this before but it was worse after), give said ex ammo to try to ruin my life, admitted she would regularly intentionally hurt me to "get back at me", etc. Every time I had an issue with stuff completely unrelated to her or our relationship and wanted support, she'd somehow make the conversation about her. We'd break up every few days and get back together the next day. I was the one ending it, then she was, then I was. By the end of it, she was talking to her 'first love' (a racist guy -sidenote: she wasn't white- a few years older than us who had been grooming her since she was a preteen and "affectionately" called her racial slurs) and telling him she loved him and wanted to be with him and all that shit. He'd been trying to get back with her for much of our relationship and she'd been talking to him behind my back while lying to me about it. I spent the day before Valentines Day with her (she had work on Valentine's Day) and then she was very distant that day. She was back to treating me like shit the next day, so I ended things for good. I wish I could say that I was nice about it, but we had quite a toxic text conversation afterwards when I was trying to get her to give back my clothes (I eventually got most of them back).

I stayed broken up with her for good that time, and the relationship ended up lasting a bit under 3 months. I only actually spent about half a dozen days with her in-person during the entire relationship. I've honestly been way happier since then, and it's been almost exactly 1 year since I ended things. I've been staying out of relationships since then because my standards for emotional maturity, personality, and lack of red flags are a lot higher and I just haven't found anyone who's a good fit. I've been proud of myself for being able to cut things off when talking to girls who I liked but who had a lot of red flags and weren't treating me well.

Side note: There was also a 1-month long-distance-relationship I had with this girl I'm online friends with at 16. I don't remember getting into the relationship or 90% of the relationship, but based on texts I sent her I apparently was saying "I love you" to her. I didn't find that out until months after ending it (because I didn't want a long-distance relationship and the maturity difference was also not going to work out.) I wouldn't say that I truly loved her or that she was my first love, but I also don't remember that month.
 
The first girl I ever had a crush on and we "dated" was in 4th grade, as much as a 4th grader could date, I always had feelings for her and still do in a way

The first girl I'd say I truly fell in love with I was 14 or 15, she was a cheerleader and out of my league. We broke up when I was sent away to my first rehab boarding school.
 
arrall said:
I'd had relationships before, but the first time I truly fell in love with someone was not long after my 17th birthday. I was talking to this girl on Instagram who lived a bit under an hour away. Things started off with a lot of red flags. She pushed things forwards very quickly (saying she loved me when we'd only been seriously talking for under a week and had never met in person) and pressured me into a relationship. It gradually got more and more toxic. I made plenty of mistakes that I regret and definitely didn't treat her as well as I would have liked to. When I tried to end things about a month and a half in, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't get back together with her.

Things got bad after I didn't respond to her texts or calls for a couple days because I was sick of how she was treating me and needed space. She treated me 10x as poorly after that. Would bring up an emotionally abusive ex I dated for a week who had been harassing me for the two years since (she'd done this before but it was worse after), give said ex ammo to try to ruin my life, admitted she would regularly intentionally hurt me to "get back at me", etc. Every time I had an issue with stuff completely unrelated to her or our relationship and wanted support, she'd somehow make the conversation about her. We'd break up every few days and get back together the next day. I was the one ending it, then she was, then I was. By the end of it, she was talking to her 'first love' (a racist guy -sidenote: she wasn't white- a few years older than us who had been grooming her since she was a preteen and "affectionately" called her racial slurs) and telling him she loved him and wanted to be with him and all that shit. He'd been trying to get back with her for much of our relationship and she'd been talking to him behind my back while lying to me about it. I spent the day before Valentines Day with her (she had work on Valentine's Day) and then she was very distant that day. She was back to treating me like shit the next day, so I ended things for good. I wish I could say that I was nice about it, but we had quite a toxic text conversation afterwards when I was trying to get her to give back my clothes (I eventually got most of them back).

I stayed broken up with her for good that time, and the relationship ended up lasting a bit under 3 months. I only actually spent about half a dozen days with her in-person during the entire relationship. I've honestly been way happier since then, and it's been almost exactly 1 year since I ended things. I've been staying out of relationships since then because my standards for emotional maturity, personality, and lack of red flags are a lot higher and I just haven't found anyone who's a good fit. I've been proud of myself for being able to cut things off when talking to girls who I liked but who had a lot of red flags and weren't treating me well.

Side note: There was also a 1-month long-distance-relationship I had with this girl I'm online friends with at 16. I don't remember getting into the relationship or 90% of the relationship, but based on texts I sent her I apparently was saying "I love you" to her. I didn't find that out until months after ending it (because I didn't want a long-distance relationship and the maturity difference was also not going to work out.) I wouldn't say that I truly loved her or that she was my first love, but I also don't remember that month.
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Hey man, ya live and you learn.

Even if it was a toxic nightmare of a relationship, the experience you gained from it will be incredibly valuable to you moving forward.

That's the biggest thing I've had to learn myself about my marriage and divorce. We were together (off and on) eleven years, married for three. There were incredible times, and I did truly love her, but I made a LOT of mistakes, as did she. Our love was pure, but it just wasn't meant to be, and circumstances eventually ended it.

But now moving forward, I feel much more positively about the entire experience. It was tough, but ya know, we were young, and growing up together. And very few people truly get it "right" on their first try.

I am a much more wise, strong, and emotionally complex person because of it, and I'm learning to cherish that. I'm starting to understand myself more, simply being at peace with yourself can be one of the hardest lessons you ever learn.

But, my hope, is that we will all get there in time.
 
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I had my first girlfriend over the summer when I was ten. She was blonde and her name was Michelle. I liked her, we had a lot of fun hanging out. Ended up only "dating" for a couple weeks, until she broke up with me, probably for just being an awkward weirdo or not knowing what to say sometimes. I was kinda shy. That was my first "heartbreak" moment. I remember sobbing on the couch, and my stepmom trying to console me.

Holy shit! I actually couldn't remember when my first "kiss" from a girl was, and it literally just popped in my mind and I remember clearly now. I even remember her name. It wasn't anything serious, we were just on the playground and she kissed me for whatever reason. Wow. Funny stuff. This was sometime shortly after Michelle I believe.

I first made out with a girl when I was 11. My buddy and I were hanging out with this girl in his room, and she switched off making out with both of us. I remember her saying I was a really good kisser, but that I was so twitchy and shaky, probably from being nervous lol.

I honestly had a huge multitude of girlfriends between the ages of 10-13, I honestly couldn't remember all of them if I tried, but I think I remember the main ones.

But, I didn't get into a proper, "serious" relationship where I could say that I loved her until 8th grade, I'll call her A. I was 13, had just moved to a new town after my father died. So I was the new kid, but made friends quickly enough. This girl and I had some mutual best friends, and eventually grew attached to each other. We had a ton of fun together, and I really did love her. She was very pretty. Unfortunately, I completely took her for granted and kind of treated her like shit.

We dated for 2 years. This is who I lost my virginity to at 14. God, she was so sexy at the time, and really let me do any thing I wanted in bed. I guess that's where I "learned the ropes", and also developed some very unhealthy sexual habits. I broke up with her a ton of times to chase other girls, and ultimately I'd make a fool of myself or get denied by the other one, come crawling back to her begging forgiveness, and she'd take me back. That worked for a while, but eventually she got tired of it all and broke up with me for good.

I guess the biggest factor in that, was that, her best friend at the time, was my future wife, who I'll call S. I had cheated on A with S a bunch of times, and did really some kinda shady shit. We had a sleepover one night while I was dating A, and it was a bunch of friends sleeping up on S's parents bed.

I was in between A & S. And I was fingering them both basically, without A's knowledge of course. A went home the next morning, but I stayed back at S's house. S and I then made love for the first time. It was wrong of course, but it felt so right. We were instantly attached at the hip. Even if we weren't romantically involved, we were best friends. It took some time, but eventually A finally broke up with me and that's when S and I started dating seriously.

And wow, that was a serious whirlwind of a relationship. Like I said, 11 years. We just got our divorce finalized in November. I still consider her my best friend, and I do care about her deeply.

I guess out of all the women I've dated and slept with, I reckon I can only say I truly "loved", three of them.

But I am very content at the moment with my current relationship. We've been together now for nearly three months. But, we've been hooking up going back years now, so we were already pretty close. Things just finally worked out how they needed to for us to be together, and we're both so very happy. I can truly feel the love and connection. It's liberating. It feels like I've developed emotionally from all of these experiences, and am more in love than I ever could have imagined being.
 
Thank you for sharing your story, def.
deficiT said:
I am a much more wise, strong, and emotionally complex person because of it, and I'm learning to cherish that. I'm starting to understand myself more, simply being at peace with yourself can be one of the hardest lessons you ever learn.
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All we can do is enjoy things while they last and then learn and grow from them as much as possible. It's great that you have been able to do that and gain a better understanding of yourself and your emotions
 
FredF said:
Throughout this life there have been times where I’ve felt the heartache, as though I’ve loved.

Nowadays, I believe that I’ve only loved one woman. I was in my early 30s.

Her name was like music, and she inspired me to do things that I never though I could. She made me feel like no one before or after.

I never acted on it, then, we had a falling out. It was definitely caused because of my efforts to hide my feelings.

Today she is happily married with a young child. I on the other hand, am not.


Edit- I do have a 17 year old daughter who is anything and everything to me, but happily married with young child? Nope.
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Thank you for sharing your story, Fred. Not sharing your feelings until it's too late is unfortunately something all too common. All we can do is learn from these experiences and make sure we let people in our lives know how much we care about them - romantically or platonically.
 
Yes, if such a situation arises again, I’ll definitely approach it very differently. A familiar thought, isn’t it?

I think one day I will tell her. But not until very far into the future, when it would be no threat to her married life. Not that it would be, but just in case. Im not an asshole.

But one day, probably when we are elderly, I don’t know. I feel like I might want her to know that she was very special to me, and that I regret not taking the chance, when one may have been there.
 
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This is a sad story but here it is. I had the perfect girl in high school-her name was hollie. She was beautiful inside and out. She was so pretty she never had to wear makeup. She was a model in junior high and high school for some companies and magazines. Definitely my first love-we were together for 6 years and were inseparable early on. We did everything together, her family LOVED me, we were engaged, and even had a kid together. Unfortunately, my dumb ass had just began using meth heavily about 4 years in to our relationship. I was lost and badly hooked on this new favorite drug of mine. I chose getting high over every damn thing in my life. I would disappear for 3, sometimes 10 days without calling any of my loved ones (this was back in the 90s by the way-america was not online yet, and there were no cell phones yet. Payphones were it.. Anyway, She put up with me for 2 more years-tried like hell to help me get out of the hell I was entering, but was unsuccessful. and then she left me for another guy, threatened to take me to court if I didn't sign my parental rights away for my son, and moved to friggin Alaska with this new guy..
I was crushed-heartbreak like I have never felt since. I never blamed her one tiny bit-i was fully aware the situation was where it was 100% because of me and my choices-i HATED myself.. I immediately stopped smoking and snorting meth and instead graduated to the needle-something I was always 100%against--****something I DO NOT recommend by the way-IV is much more dangerous than other routes in countless ways****But I didn't care back then, I just wanted life to end sooner than later. My usage increased at an alarming rate, I disappeared from all family for at least a year and a half, and experienced an inner anger I didn't think was possible, and my IV meth use just enhanced that anger 10 fold. Deep depression, regret, guilt and shame consumed me completely.. The only way I could make the inner pain stop was to slam dangerous amounts of meth which would silence every bit of stress and allow me some temporary inner peace.. I was 21 when I began IV use, and unfortunately-i still struggle to stay clean for a long period of time.. That was 23 years ago-i'm 44 now, I've been to 4 different inpatient rehabs in those 23 years and have been shot at multiple times, robbed several times, jumped and beat up more times than I can count (probably 5 concussions), been arrested probably 20 times (didn't catch any felonies thank god), been homeless a handful of times, been tackled by the cops more than once, gotten terrible cases of cotton fever probably 6 different times👎👎, etc, etc--...
Fast forward to today-my one and only doc is IV meth. I successfully completed school 6 years ago and am now a registered nurse, been married 11 years-have 3 step kids, a house and a good life. I still keep in touch from time to time with my first love--i will always consider her to be 'the one that got away'. I have also since sincerely apologized to her and her family as well as my son who is 25 now. My son and I talk often-which is a true blessing.
I am involved in NA, and have been for about 15 years. 2 and a half years is the longest stretch of clean time I've ever attained. Today I can honestly say I'm not clean-i have struggled alot the last 6 months.. but I have made a commitment to myself to always return to recovery as many times as it takes instead of suicide-which I've seriously considered a few times in the past... It's a struggle for sure.. That IV meth high stands alone in it's own category of intense euphoria-i've done every other drug out there and nothing comes close to it's intensity. I think if I stuck to smoking it, I'm certain of 2 things: I would have a much easier time staying clean, and my teeth would be rotten out by now for sure - they amazingly never suffered adverse effects from my meth use.
My apologies for being excessive with the brief version of my life story, but whenever I think of hollie, I automatically think of my addiction and how it owned my ass beginning when I was with her and caused such a dark almost 10 years of my life after that..
I will always love hollie.. I know for a fact that if I was not an addict we would be living happily together still today🤦.
Good day everyone--
 
couth77 said:
This is a sad story but here it is. I had the perfect girl in high school-her name was hollie. She was beautiful inside and out. She was so pretty she never had to wear makeup. She was a model in junior high and high school for some companies and magazines. Definitely my first love-we were together for 6 years and were inseparable early on. We did everything together, her family LOVED me, we were engaged, and even had a kid together. Unfortunately, my dumb ass had just began using meth heavily about 4 years in to our relationship. I was lost and badly hooked on this new favorite drug of mine. I chose getting high over every damn thing in my life. I would disappear for 3, sometimes 10 days without calling any of my loved ones (this was back in the 90s by the way-america was not online yet, and there were no cell phones yet. Payphones were it.. Anyway, She put up with me for 2 more years-tried like hell to help me get out of the hell I was entering, but was unsuccessful. and then she left me for another guy, threatened to take me to court if I didn't sign my parental rights away for my son, and moved to friggin Alaska with this new guy..
I was crushed-heartbreak like I have never felt since. I never blamed her one tiny bit-i was fully aware the situation was where it was 100% because of me and my choices-i HATED myself.. I immediately stopped smoking and snorting meth and instead graduated to the needle-something I was always 100%against--****something I DO NOT recommend by the way-IV is much more dangerous than other routes in countless ways****But I didn't care back then, I just wanted life to end sooner than later. My usage increased at an alarming rate, I disappeared from all family for at least a year and a half, and experienced an inner anger I didn't think was possible, and my IV meth use just enhanced that anger 10 fold. Deep depression, regret, guilt and shame consumed me completely.. The only way I could make the inner pain stop was to slam dangerous amounts of meth which would silence every bit of stress and allow me some temporary inner peace.. I was 21 when I began IV use, and unfortunately-i still struggle to stay clean for a long period of time.. That was 23 years ago-i'm 44 now, I've been to 4 different inpatient rehabs in those 23 years and have been shot at multiple times, robbed several times, jumped and beat up more times than I can count (probably 5 concussions), been arrested probably 20 times (didn't catch any felonies thank god), been homeless a handful of times, been tackled by the cops more than once, gotten terrible cases of cotton fever probably 6 different times👎👎, etc, etc--...
Fast forward to today-my one and only doc is IV meth. I successfully completed school 6 years ago and am now a registered nurse, been married 11 years-have 3 step kids, a house and a good life. I still keep in touch from time to time with my first love--i will always consider her to be 'the one that got away'. I have also since sincerely apologized to her and her family as well as my son who is 25 now. My son and I talk often-which is a true blessing.
I am involved in NA, and have been for about 15 years. 2 and a half years is the longest stretch of clean time I've ever attained. Today I can honestly say I'm not clean-i have struggled alot the last 6 months.. but I have made a commitment to myself to always return to recovery as many times as it takes instead of suicide-which I've seriously considered a few times in the past... It's a struggle for sure.. That IV meth high stands alone in it's own category of intense euphoria-i've done every other drug out there and nothing comes close to it's intensity. I think if I stuck to smoking it, I'm certain of 2 things: I would have a much easier time staying clean, and my teeth would be rotten out by now for sure - they amazingly never suffered adverse effects from my meth use.
My apologies for being excessive with the brief version of my life story, but whenever I think of hollie, I automatically think of my addiction and how it owned my ass beginning when I was with her and caused such a dark almost 10 years of my life after that..
I will always love hollie.. I know for a fact that if I was not an addict we would be living happily together still today🤦.
Good day everyone--
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That is a very heartbreaking story, but I definitely applaud you for telling it.

It sounds like you have made incredible progress in the following years, and you should absolutely be proud of that.

Just keep up your commitment to recovery and improvement, and hopefully your future success will surprise even you.
 
deficiT said:
That is a very heartbreaking story, but I definitely applaud you for telling it.

It sounds like you have made incredible progress in the following years, and you should absolutely be proud of that.

Just keep up your commitment to recovery and improvement, and hopefully your future success will surprise even you.
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Thanks so much.. I appreciate the kind words👍
 
deficiT said:
I had my first girlfriend over the summer when I was ten. She was blonde and her name was Michelle. I liked her, we had a lot of fun hanging out. Ended up only "dating" for a couple weeks, until she broke up with me, probably for just being an awkward weirdo or not knowing what to say sometimes. I was kinda shy. That was my first "heartbreak" moment. I remember sobbing on the couch, and my stepmom trying to console me.

Holy shit! I actually couldn't remember when my first "kiss" from a girl was, and it literally just popped in my mind and I remember clearly now. I even remember her name. It wasn't anything serious, we were just on the playground and she kissed me for whatever reason. Wow. Funny stuff. This was sometime shortly after Michelle I believe.

I first made out with a girl when I was 11. My buddy and I were hanging out with this girl in his room, and she switched off making out with both of us. I remember her saying I was a really good kisser, but that I was so twitchy and shaky, probably from being nervous lol.

I honestly had a huge multitude of girlfriends between the ages of 10-13, I honestly couldn't remember all of them if I tried, but I think I remember the main ones.

But, I didn't get into a proper, "serious" relationship where I could say that I loved her until 8th grade, I'll call her A. I was 13, had just moved to a new town after my father died. So I was the new kid, but made friends quickly enough. This girl and I had some mutual best friends, and eventually grew attached to each other. We had a ton of fun together, and I really did love her. She was very pretty. Unfortunately, I completely took her for granted and kind of treated her like shit.

We dated for 2 years. This is who I lost my virginity to at 14. God, she was so sexy at the time, and really let me do any thing I wanted in bed. I guess that's where I "learned the ropes", and also developed some very unhealthy sexual habits. I broke up with her a ton of times to chase other girls, and ultimately I'd make a fool of myself or get denied by the other one, come crawling back to her begging forgiveness, and she'd take me back. That worked for a while, but eventually she got tired of it all and broke up with me for good.

I guess the biggest factor in that, was that, her best friend at the time, was my future wife, who I'll call S. I had cheated on A with S a bunch of times, and did really some kinda shady shit. We had a sleepover one night while I was dating A, and it was a bunch of friends sleeping up on S's parents bed.

I was in between A & S. And I was fingering them both basically, without A's knowledge of course. A went home the next morning, but I stayed back at S's house. S and I then made love for the first time. It was wrong of course, but it felt so right. We were instantly attached at the hip. Even if we weren't romantically involved, we were best friends. It took some time, but eventually A finally broke up with me and that's when S and I started dating seriously.

And wow, that was a serious whirlwind of a relationship. Like I said, 11 years. We just got our divorce finalized in November. I still consider her my best friend, and I do care about her deeply.

I guess out of all the women I've dated and slept with, I reckon I can only say I truly "loved", three of them.

But I am very content at the moment with my current relationship. We've been together now for nearly three months. But, we've been hooking up going back years now, so we were already pretty close. Things just finally worked out how they needed to for us to be together, and we're both so very happy. I can truly feel the love and connection. It's liberating. It feels like I've developed emotionally from all of these experiences, and am more in love than I ever could have imagined being.
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Dude thanks for sharing! You were quite the player! Even before puberty! Impressive✌

I love hearing people share that they've found true happiness-it warms my heart. Happy for ya man🤙
 
Falling in love is not always a romantic experience for me. My love for partners can be equally deep as my love for friends, family, places, even things. I have only fallen in love romantically ONCE. He thought i was from around his block, and when he found out i lived in another country, he stopped talking to me after being together 24/7 for 2 months, maybe the nicest two months of my life. I woulda moved to another continent for him. Whatever tf was so great about him, i never kept anyone in my thoughts as intensely as i did him. I wish i could put my finger on it, or i wish i told him that i did live where he wanted me to live.
 
arrall said:
Thanks to @Nurse Ratched for the thread idea!

This one is pretty straightforward. Who was the first person you fell in love with and how old were you?
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Aaa may be 10 years old?To my second cousin from other town.Bigger than me 15-16?Still remember that feelin.My mother ask me"what hapenned,are you ok?"....seems to look strange to her.
 
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