# Mtgg



## cherrycolouredfunk

MTGG has passed away. He slipped away in his sleep over the weekend. That's all there is to tell at the moment. The policeman said it didn't seem like he was in any pain. 

I keep opening his name on MSN and watching the start bar hoping that it will start flashing orange. 

He just wasn't made for these times. 

See you in the next one Tom. I will always love you. We've all lost something really special in you. I hope you can find your place to fit in. x

'Turning and turning in the widening gyre
 The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
 Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold'
 William Butler Yeats.





Tom - 17th April 1982 - 6th June 2008 


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.


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## nipsa123

May peace be with you dude.


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## Acid4Blood

Aw no. Cant believe it. 

RIP Tom


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## caizar

didn't know the guy but sad news indeed R.I.P.....


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## 'medicine cabinet'

So sad....

rest in peace friend.


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## tribal girl

Shit. I'm stunned.  

My heart goes out to everyone who knew him.


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## Shambles

Fuck, that's just awful news. I never met the man but I enjoyed reading his posts and he seemed a thoroughly decent human being.

My greatest sympathies to all those that new him .


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## Tranced

Fucking gutted.  

Absolutely sound bloke, good memories of dancing on the Sunday at Glade with him. Later Tom


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## cletus

My condolences to hungryghostredman & yourself Helen as I know you & tom were close.

Horrible news to come home to. RIP fella


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## Bowser22

We were meant to be visiting in a few days.... sad news indeed... very sad


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## StoneHappyMonday

What a waste - Ian Dury.




Fucking hell Tom.




Fucking hell.


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## The Kid

Rip Mtgg.


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## duck_racer

Tom you fuck it felt like you were doing everything possible to escape us and now you have.

Terrible, terrible news...

RIP.


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## Don Luigi

I'm completely shocked. Rest in peace and all my comforts go out to all his friends and family.


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## B9

A great shame - he will be sadly missed.


R.I.P. Tom


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## Stainboy

Shit, the first time it's happened to someone I've chatted with.  If he wasn't happy at this point in time then I hope he's happier now, he may well have already been born into a better world.


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## iwish

"_Death is not the opposite of life.  Life has no opposite.  The opposite of death is birth.  Life is eternal._"

MTGG is still here


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## Carsick

I'm too much of a doubter to mention heaven or whatever, but regardless, he's never really gone, so long as his friends remember him

A waste indeed. Time to rest, I hope.


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## UnfortunateSquid

So sorry to hear about this.

I can only echo what has already been said and offer my condolences to all who knew him.

Rest in peace


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## Mona Lisa

I never knew him but it's always a  tragedy when this happens


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## eDDe9

Damn.

First time I've felt sad over someone dying on Bluelight. Never thought it would happen to someone I chat with.

Hope his family are doing ok


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## experimental

That is such awful news. My heart goes out to his friends and family.


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## reptilian

Aww fuck man!  

 Guess we will have to meet up a little later than planned for that drink and chat we talked of my freind  

 Totally shocked.


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## felix

oh shit. 

sorry helen.


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## rock_lobster

Ahh I can remember seeing some of his posts.

  RIP. 

So many people dying on this board in the last six months? It's making for depressing reading.


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## Hedonistic Angel

This is so sad... He was a real character, and Im sure many will feel his loss. I met him once... at Glade, and he seemed like a genuine person. In the few chats I had with him then, and one MSN/FB/bluelight, he seemed like he was really struggling to find himself... It seems so sad now that he never will.

Helen, my heart goes out to you... 

Rest in Peace, Tom. xxx


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## mitz-e

RIP mate


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## WarmRushes

Helen you know we're always here for you, I'm sorry it all happened like this, the timing and everything but it's never easy. Me and Miss T love yah and will help ya in anyway we can. 

Terrible news.

Goodbye Tom.


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## 1024

Was chatting to him on msn, was going to go to Manc to meet him and drag him to a shrink.  Next day he got a job at an estate agents and was put on anti depressants, so I *thought* everything would be ok.

If there is some other place I hope to meet him again.  RIP man.


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## Link_S

R.I.P. I didnt know you, but i can tell by everyones responses that you were a good guy.


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## junglejuice

Not another one


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## monstanoodle

He added my msn a while ago but I'm too much of a "scaredy cat" to contact anyone on that thing. I now wish I did.
[speechless]

Sleep well man


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## Mugz

crap, im shocked. sad news for sure. :-(


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## cherrycolouredfunk

Thank you all for your kind words to Tom.

I wish he could see how many people did care for him as I don't think he really ever took it in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EePIKX7ZU6E


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## Rexeh

R.I.P. even though I did not know this person, IRL or online.

My condoleances and sympathies to everyone who knew him...


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## kappadaftie

Aw fuck 

_Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not _

So true, death only affects the living.

My thoughts are with his friends and family.


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## Ismene

Very sad news, had some good laughs with MTGG.

Edit: Not very sad, it's sickening news.


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## MrMoss

RIP MrT  .. you'll be sadly missed


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## McPanda

R.I.P 

Puts life into context sometimes. Can I ask where he was from ? As Im sure someone had changed the background picture at my work caffeteria PC to the one of him in he hills ? Maybe just a silmilar pic.

Love to his family and freinds
McPanda


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## happyus

utterly numb. 
much love to everyone that knew him, as he will be sorely missed. 
Tom i hope you found the peace you needed.xxxxx


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## cherrycolouredfunk

> Can I ask where he was from ?



It's just a similar pic. He was living in Manchester. That pic is from the Dales.


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## Treacle

I'm absolutely gutted. RIP Tom. xxx


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## Grrrrr

I'll always remember how well written he was, we used to chat quite a bit on msn and he had such a eloquent way of putting his thoughts and emotions into words.

Rest in peace dude


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## tambourine-man

What a fucking loss.

I think this is the first time someone who I've shared many PMs with has died.

If I was ever surly.  If I was ever harsh, I'm sorry.  Tom, take it easy man.

RIP


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## Fishface

Bless you, Tom - bless all who knew and loved him


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## cherrycolouredfunk

I want to escape again now more than ever

Last time I escaped I ended up living with the most beatiful boy there is. That wont happen this time.


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## lilczey

rip....


this man will be missed


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## PinholeStar

I'm so sorry to hear of this. 

Safe journey man.


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## Fabric 22

caizar said:
			
		

> didn't know the guy but sad news indeed R.I.P.....


ditto.


Never directly conversed with him, enjoyed his posts though. 

Terrible loss.


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## RockWell

RIP bro!


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## alasdairm

sad news indeed.

alasdair


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## cherrycolouredfunk

I cant handle this.


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## Fausty

_Droll thing life is – that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourself – that comes too late – a crop of inextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with death. it is the most unexciting thing you can imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, without clamor, without glory, without the great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid skepticism, without much belief in your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of the ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be._

*- Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness*


_Time does not heal. . . it only makes you forget the name of your illness._

*- Robert McCammon, Night Boat*


Peace, 

Fausty


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## eclipsedesign

Gah really sad news, hope his family are coping OK.

Love,
Eclipse


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## purplefirefly

This is terrible news.

My heart goes out to all of his friends and family. May you find light in the darkness.

*hugs*


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## The Kid

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> I want to escape again now more than ever
> 
> Last time I escaped I ended up living with the most beatiful boy there is. That wont happen this time.



I'm guessing at present you just want to disappear and never come back.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

The place I want to escape to there will be no beautiful person there to meet me. So, i'm better off just doing what I can on my own for him


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## The Kid

^ That's a pretty clear thought for such a fucked up moment in time.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

What good is fuckedupness going to do him.

I'm fucked up right now a lot.....but....


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## The Kid

^, true but sometimes a bit of fuckedupness can help yourself. You've still got to keep an eye out for your own well being. 

I guess you knew MTGG pretty well then?


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## cherrycolouredfunk

He was my boyfriend. I lived with him for 9 months. I only recently just moved away after some difficulties. I had to think of him and myself. It was damaging for us both. Now I can't help thinking what if....... 

We spoke everyday since then. I knew something was wrong when the communication died.

I always thought we'd end up back together after we sorted ourselves out.


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## Limpet_Chicken

I never knew MTGG, but my condolences go out to his family, and his memory.

RIP, MTGG.


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## The Kid

^ Shit, that's fuckin tough. My heart really goes out to you. 

I've lived my life saying and believing that there's no use looking back on decisions with the benefit of hindsight. What's done is done. Millions of different variables can effect the courses of our lives, so just by saying "what if..." doesn't mean an outcome might be different. 

But obviously words like the above mean pretty much fuck all in situations like this.......


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## Lysis

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
> Somewhere along in the bitterness
> And I would have stayed up with you all night
> Had I known how to save a life.




I read this song and it fucking hit close to home.  I cried at work.  I don't know you and I don't know MTGG, but I know what it's like and I have this stupid wish that no one goes through what I have been going through.  I'm so sorry.


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## L2R

rip


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## wh0re

Wow, really sad news. This is incredibly shocking as we used to talk on msn sometimes. A very nice guy.


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## MrMoss

“Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.” ... see you in my ketamine dreams


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## General Bale

Thats some really sad news.  
It is always terrible to lose someone.  
Hope he will be in a better place now.


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## ~*geNeRaTiOn E*~

RIP 

condolences to everyone that knew him


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## Jamshyd

My heart goes out to his family and friends. I am very sorry to hear.

A painless death is the ultimate mercy.


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## stellablue

RIP, you are now at peace. You will be missed.


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## SA

Damn! My heart goes out to MTGG's family and those close to him and who knew him.

Rip
.


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## Arnold

RIP man.


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## fengtau

Rip


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## Treacle

Where has the colour scheme not been changed?!


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## getreal

Very Tragic news- my heart goes out to everyone who was close to him.
I hope you in a better place Tom- May God help us all.

Be strong CCF I'm here if you need me.


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## Mariposa

No words save for my condolences; my thoughts are with all of you.


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## JB

Ohhh fuck. No way 

He's still signed in to MSN as well  

This is so sad. My condolences to his family all those who knew him well.

Hope you ok Helen.




At least he is at peace now.


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## glitterbizkit

That's terrible news   I never actually spoke to MTGG but followed a lot of his posts on bluelight.  He seemed like a really good person.

RIP

My condolences to you cherrycolouredfunk, and everyone else who knew him


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## Acid4Blood

Treacle said:
			
		

> Where has the colour scheme not been changed?!



I PM'ed *Infinite Jest* yesterday about going blacklight again but it still hasn't happened.

Whats taking so long admins?


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## Treacle

I PMd him, too.


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## Slay

i dunno this dude but i'm sharing the same thoughts with above posters

when i see a bler pass away i always think that he/she could be me or someone i know and its such a sad thing seeing young people pass away and theres nothing we can do, so tragic


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## 1024

Suggested a one minute silence at 2CBeats for him.


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## Valkyrie

Sad news 

My condolences to all his family and friends.


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## eDDe9

Damn ccf, I had no idea you were close to him. *hugs*


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## browntar

Sad news.


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## Phat_bass49

holy shit man  my prayers go out to his family and friends, this was certainly out of the blue, i'm shocked and stunned. poor poor bloke    r.i.p man i guess we'll have meet for a drink an a moan about corporations another time :'(


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## Jackal

Oh fuck,

I was only messaging him recently. Damn.

R.I.P


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## Evad

still can't put what i'm feeling into words tom, just hope you knew you were loved. you'll be sorely missed.
rip.


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## duck_racer

Phat_bass49 said:
			
		

> this was certainly out of the blue,



Really?

It just makes it sadder for me that this was all too predictable tbh. 

There aren't words for it - It's just so sad.


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## swanhaggisman

Sad that a young life is cut short before it's really begun. My deepest
sympathy to his family and friends.


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## Miss Peks

I'm at a loss for words. 

RIP Tom


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## snollly

too harsh =\

RIP


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## cherrycolouredfunk

Ah fuck.

'I should be crying, but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said
That I never said
All the things we should've done
That we never did
All the things that you needed from me
All the things that you wanted for me
All the things that I should've given
But I didn't
Oh, darling, make it go away
Just make it go away now'


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## fastandbulbous

Hope he's now found the peace that he was seeking in life


2008 is turning out to be one of those years that stay in the memory for all the wrong reasons


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## Tranced

Treacle said:
			
		

> Where has the colour scheme not been changed?!



Someone put a post up in The Shrine


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## felix

Tranced said:
			
		

> Someone put a post up in The Shrine


No - _this _one will be moved to the Shrine.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

Colour scheme does not need changing. It's hardly important. 

The reponses to this thread have been wonderful. If only he could see. He'll know somehow.


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## Jabberwocky

That's shocking!! I hope his family are holding up ok, and you too CCF. I can't imagine how you must be feeling just now


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## Canis aureus

There will never be another one, like you... that's so true about us everyone... 

RIP


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## AmorRoark

A lot of these loving responses remind me of a Joan Didion quote:

"I could not count the times during the average day when something would come up that I needed to tell him. This impulse did not end with his death. What ended was the possibility of response."

My sympathies for those who this is most difficult to bear. 

 RIP


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## Jabberwocky

p.s SA isn't here at the moment and he's the one who usually changes it to blacklight so it can be done when he gets back


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## cherrycolouredfunk

One of my favorite pictures.


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## Infinite Jest

.

RIP 

Apologies for the Blacklight delay - I realise it's been raised here, and two of you PM'd me. We're *very* short on admins at the moment - I'm hardly on, same for forgotten, and some of the others are away at Starscape. 

As Deathrow says, SA is really the one who knows how to do this, so we got to wait on him. Be assured that it will happen.


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## wh0re

Is it rude to ask what happened?


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## SA

Sorry about the blacklight delay, everyone. I had to run out, but will get it set up shortly.

edit: done

once again, my heart goes out


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## eDDe9

Should this be linked to news?


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## wideI

I am relatively new here, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and the families CCF. Never an easy experience to work through.
wideI


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## Madhatter4

Rip


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## @lterEgo

peace to you, MTGG 
and lots of love to those you left behind


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## UnSquare

I'm so sorry.

...

That is such a beautiful photo.

...

*I'm so sorry.

For your loss
*
   
UnSquare


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## pr0ficient

awful news,

my condolences


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## Naptown Wicked

I didn't know him, but we did share our birthdate so I'm sure I've partied with him in spirit....  RIP....


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## johanneschimpo

I'll miss you buddy.
Now you're in peace, where there is no pain or sorrow.


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## Tenchi

I only met Tom once at a mini bl-meetup in Manchester last year.  Top quality bloke, and he'll truly be missed.

Helen, if you need anyone to talk to, PM me, I'm always around.

Sleep well Tom.

Your Buddy,

Tenchi.

RIP.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

Red Arrow said:
			
		

> probs a bit since noone knows yet really
> 
> think its safe to assume it was drug related



Nobody knows though. Could have been the simplest thing. He'd been unwell for a while. 

I just realise i've been wearing my jumper inside out! My grandmother always said it was bad luck to take it off and sort it out.


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## stimutant

rip!


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## tobala

I saw a picture of Buddha on the wall--wonder what his reincarnation will be...


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## natas

RIP my Bluelight Bro


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## AgentSquish

Thats a shame.


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## Pretty_Diamonds

Omg, this is so sad. RIP.


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## AmorRoark

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> One of my favorite pictures.



Beautiful photo.


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## discopupils

Terrible.
I didn't peronally know him but my heart still goes out to him and all who knew him.
RIP


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## cherrycolouredfunk

From when we were at our happiest in october 2007??? So very very VERY skint but still managing to make healthy meals. It's home made cous cous. He'd eaten all of his and was pinching some of mine! He taught me that recipe. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdSIlVZhsDw&NR=1


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## TripperKay

you may be gone, but never forgotten


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## Wintermute

He sounds like a wonderful person...I wish I had the opportunity to meet him. 

I'm glad he had so many people who will remember him and miss him


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## MynameisnotDeja

Rip.


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## Aros2k

So sad, one of our own. Seemed like a truly nice guy, I feel shocked.

mtgg, i hope you find some peace where ever you are now.


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## lunanueva

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> One of my favorite pictures.




Pure love. My heart goes out to you ccf. May you see him in your dreams...


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## StayinAwake

Rip


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## Mr_Fluffykins

rest in peace
its always  sad to hear of a bluelighter leaving us, 

i don't know him, but i feel the pain

i hope you feel better soon cherrycolouredfunk.


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## Edvard Munch

These deaths on Bluelight need to stop.  The next person to die gets a healthy loving kick to their holy ghost testicles.


RIP, MTGG, and an eternity of peace and blessings from me.


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## drug_wench

this is awful news
i now understand the colour change on BL
so many of us hav passed away this yr
RIP tom, even tho i didnt ever talk to u, u sounded like a nice guy


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## dr-ripple

"I went out into the garden and it had been raining during the night. I had the feeling that i saw the earth and the beauty of nature as it had been when it was created, at the first day of creation.  It was a beautiful experience! I was reborn, --  Rest In Peace seeing nature in quite a new light."


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## FrostyMcFailure

Mtgg Rip & Rwr


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## vibr8tor

my thoughts go out to his family and friends.


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## Treacle

How do so many people know about this thread? There is nothing on the front page...


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## Aeon Psyche

iwish said:
			
		

> "_Death is not the opposite of life.  Life has no opposite.  The opposite of death is birth.  Life is eternal._"
> 
> MTGG is still here



So true. Glad to see someone else understand this concept as I've said the same thing so many times before. I don't know who he was but may he go to a planet of a higher category. Reincarnate In Peace friend.


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## ninjadanslarbretabar

its always sad to see the blue ..  black..
peace
rest in,, peace
 
much love to everyone close to him


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## DoctorShop

rip


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## crazy_lil_1

Rest In Peace.


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## ladyinthesky

aww RIP  its always sad to hear that a bler has died


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## ladyinthesky

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> One of my favorite pictures.



what a beautiful pic
stay strong


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## Medi57

RIP Tom


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## Acid4Blood

Treacle said:
			
		

> How do so many people know about this thread? There is nothing on the front page...



Cos it's Blacklight. People in other forums are wondering why & are led here!


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## PriestTheyCalledHim

Rest in peace.


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## jam uh weezy

sleep well...


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## jaymie

So sorry for your loss CCF   My deepest thoughts are with you. May he have passed without fear.


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## I_NEED_MONEY

didn't know the guy at all, but I understand how hard it is to lose someone, I feel for anyone who knew and loved this guy. R.I.P Tom may your life and death not be in vain.


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## MeDieViL

i dont know this guys, but i realize how much of a pain it would be to lose someone
rest in peace


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## tenderjuice

Rip


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## reality_check

rest in peace


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## tigger420

So sorry to all who knew him, my heart goes out to you.

Sleep well Tom.


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## tigger420

AmorRoark said:
			
		

> Beautiful photo.



Truely is, the eyes and the hug look so meaningful....


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## Grrrrr

Some of you might like to read through this, my favourite post of Hollow Horsey

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=4183139&postcount=25


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## hoptis

Deepest condolences, especially to those that knew him.


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## donkeyPUNCH

didn't know the guy, but its always sad when a fellow BL'er leaves us.   

RIP my man, hope all is well on the other side.

Edit:  I gather that he was ill at the time?  I just wanted to make sure though.  It seems like most BLers end up dying from an OD, this was natural causes though am I correct?


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## hungryghostredman

...thanks for all your sympathy. Hope your ok helen...we will contact you about the funeral etc it'll probably be next week.
   The post mortem showed that he basically choked on vomit whilst unconcious. He had been drinking so much that he was having fits when he tried to stop; but on the other hand carrying on was killing him too. Its sad because he was meant to be going into rehab tuesday(yesterday).
    It is unbearable.
   I got so used to seeing him unconcious and have overdosed on various things myself so often that you get casual about it and assume that things will always be ok. You put em in the recovery position and a few hours later they wake up and you think "that was close could of died" and go about your business. Why couldn't this have been one of those times?
   I just want him to be ringing me up from rehab complaining about the poor facilities offered by the NHS.
   Cheers everyone (i am his brother for those who don't know) Don't post here much anymore as have a little baby so my drug days are over...sort of(another story)


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## Acid4Blood

^^ Thats so tragic 
I choked on my vomit several months ago whilst unconcious from drink, benzos & too much ket. Luckily i came round when i couldnt breath & managed to clear the vomit from my trachea.
Wish the same could have happened to Tom.
& before you even posted that, the first thing that came to mind was that he choked on his vomit. Dunno why, just had a very strong feeling.
Cant believe he was meant to be going to rehab yesterday.
Sooo sooo sad.


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## StoneHappyMonday

So much crap on these boards about the perceived dangers of some drugs, make sure you take your 5-htp, pre-load, post-load bullshit. Yes it is bullshit. Because at the same time we have many many young people destroying their lives with alcohol. 

The elephant in the house.


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## WarmRushes

StoneHappyMonday said:
			
		

> So much crap on these boards about the perceived dangers of some drugs, make sure you take your 5-htp, pre-load, post-load bullshit. Yes it is bullshit. Because at the same time we have many many young people destroying their lives with alcohol.
> 
> The elephant in the house.



It's so sad but true. It's really not worth it.

Poor Tom


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## Treacle

This happening has made me wake up. I'm going to quit the booze. I drink a stupid amount, daily, and I certainly have a problem.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

You've said that to me so many times...you'd repeatedly tell Tom the same thing.  

Stop saying it and do it!


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## snollly

man this has proper woken me up like. 

guess i'm gonna stop with the excessive drinkin in memory of the poor bloke. like SHM said, it's mad this is a board all about your drugs, and it's this that happens.

damn.

hope you're doin ok ms ccf, or as well as can be hoped for. i can't even begin to imagine how it is..


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## cherrycolouredfunk

> it's mad this is a board all about your drugs, and it's this that happens.



Alcohol is one of the worst drugs! People seem to forget that. It's socially acceptable. Someone takes a gram of cocaine to the pub and its like 'OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU'.....sit and drink 10 pints and stumble home, vomit and it's all 'Hahaha good night last night you put a lot away' Pffft.


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## androoo

rip mate


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## snollly

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> Alcohol is one of the worst drugs! People seem to forget that. It's socially acceptable. Someone takes a gram of cocaine to the pub and its like 'OH MY GOD HOW DARE YOU'.....sit and drink 10 pints and stumble home, vomit and it's all 'Hahaha good night last night you put a lot away' Pffft.



yeah this is what pisses me off =\ i drink far far too much, and it's acceptable to my family, but the second i roll up stoned, they go 'OH YOU FUCKING JUNKIE'. I love my booze but i'll be the first to admit it can be the worst thing around. it's one of the worst drugs around and although the boy is gone, at least take some solace in the fact that it might make some people realise alcohol isn't something to piss around with. i know i have a huge drinking thing, but i'm a cocky fucker and i never thought it could get that far til now. i am so so sorry.


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## massiveinminiature

*TOM a ONE OFF ~ much loved !!!*

*Tom was a unique individual with alot to offer !!!
Very intelligant, very sharp witty and a bit of a well-loved loon    !!!

You will be very much missed and no character can replace you !!!! 

Love to all his family and his beloved funky pants  !!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx *


----------



## haribo1

I knew Tom as a kind, deep and very clever individual. I have never met anyone even similar to him before. Since I heard, I've been thinking about him an awful lot. We conversed on so many topics, we shared time and I did try to help him to cut down the drinking.

I was frightened something like this might happen. I feel just terrible.

My thoughts are for his family and especially Helen (CCF).


Love you Tom; miss you Tom; respect you Tom.

Love,
Sean


----------



## wideI

I would like to reiterate on the posts re: alcohol is socially acceptable and kills more ppl.  

I drink alot too, only bcause it is legal and easy to get and so widely accepted.  Drugs are no-no with s/o.

I, like alot of other ppl, i'm sure, cannot understand _for the life of me _, as well as for so many others that have been lost, destroyed or permanently altered by alcohol abuse)... Why this is so??  Why is _this_ acceptible in the eyes of (most of) our governments??

 My best wishes to the family/ies and fellow Bluelighters on their journey along the path of mourning, healing, and recovery from the loss of someone ostensibly so dear..


----------



## tambourine-man

Gah....  I just can't get over the fact that he's gone.

It was so clear that he had intellect and capability.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

He really really did. I think sometimes a little too much. 

'They say I got brains but they aint doing me no good, I wish they could' 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EePIKX7ZU6E 

The beach boys are really helping me at the moment.

I need to PM you later tambo....not yet though.


----------



## Spaazkaz

so so sad. damnit be careful guys. not saying this was directly drug related but our lives our so precious. you will be missed mtgg, a very good BLr and the best kind. R.I. Peace friend.


----------



## Tryptamite

RIP, seemed like a great guy.


----------



## tambourine-man

cherrycolouredfunk said:
			
		

> I need to PM you later tambo....not yet though.


Sure.

I'm in a hotel in Liverpool with work paying for my wi-fi.  I'll be around all this week in the evenings.


----------



## Winding Vines

I didn't know him personally.. But i busted out crying when I read his journal:
*
Had we but world enough and time

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.


# 2
We go into the arena alone.

There are times and places, sometimes it hardly seems fair that they are so numerous.

Some could have been avoided, but it us inevitable that beyond our own consciousness and even our attempts to share the burden of loneliness, that we still go into the arena alone.

Everybody is lonely for this reason and it prepares us for those times when we will face ourselves.

What will pass through our heads during this time?"
*

May your life be loved, Tom, be rested for the next one.


----------



## sonic

RIP. My condolences to those who were close to him. 
I wish I had more to say. Don't forget, he will continue to live on as long as he's remembered.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Grrrrr said:
			
		

> Some of you might like to read through this, my favourite post of Hollow Horsey
> 
> http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=4183139&postcount=25



That PC lasted a very very long time. It's still going just about okay...give it a minute or two. The monitor since broke so I left him mine. 




> It was both his doing and undoing. He was a functional alcoholic until no job and access to unlimited alcohol and lots of free time send him to the depths of the dionysian abyss. He recovers slowly from this. Yet he still has a computer, (1 of 2. Shoulders are above barriers and thats how you carry heavy pc towers, idiots!) was able to search jobs online and write all his job applications, effectively he pulled himself out of the gutter and lives a better life, yet still hopes for better. He now (ironically) works in a supermarket (where he spots them when noeone else does and lets them get on with their job as I do mine now, since the losses are already written up before the thefts happen) posts occasionally on BL using said computer (upgraded beyond recognition) and hopes one day to write a book.



Reading those lines though break my heart. I want him here.


----------



## adam562

Didn't know Tom, nor did I ever speak to him. I read many of his posts and so I knew a tiny snap shot of his life I suppose. He seemed like a nice guy, trying to battle through life.

I've never felt sad when a Bluelighter has passed away before. I am shocked to say the least that the guy's gone.

Best wisheds to you Helen and everyone else who knew him a whole lot more than I or many of us did.

RIP Tom.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

I go to bed in a dream thinking its not real...and wake up in disbelief.


----------



## GlassAss420

My condolences to Toms family and Helen.. I read his posts and thought he was a really cool guy and contributed a lot to the forum.. He will definitly be missed around here..

Again I'm very sorry for his family and Helen.. I hope you can find it in you to somehow move on and cope with your loss.


----------



## plurMONSTER

Rest in peace, Tom.


----------



## bromance

RIP buddy.


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## hungryghostredman

fucking undertakers! The priest we want to say a few words (being the only religous type who knew tom personally) is going away tuesday. So we want the funeral then. We have to go and formally identify him in manchester today; then we get an interim death certificate enabling us to bury him. But the undertakers claim that if they can't collect him today they won't be able to organise funeral by tuesday. What happened to friday and monday you ambulance chasing bastards? Fuck it for the thousands we are paying you you could work weekends even...i appreciate there is probably a lot of red tape involved but for fucks sake....
    shit it makes me so sad even to be posting here...the last time i used to post we had just discovered GHB and I'd be on the computer downstairs and he'd be upstairs (G would give me verbal diarrhea as well as the normal kind). been looking back at his old posts but got to stop as its just wallowing....it's nice to know he had some good freinds and some good times.


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## Fausty

^^ please don't let the oddly inefficient rituals of death in our culture get under your skin.

I've been through some truly horrific funeral situations with dead friends, in the past. The first few times, it just made things so much worse. Later, I learned to look past that silly stuff and focus on the memories and the wisdom. Even the best funeral or memorial still doesn't make death go away.

Death is not efficient. In fact, I'll share an old BASE saying that somehow helped to encapsulate the whole surreal process for those of us who really have seen too many deaths, and funerals, and losses: 

_Death, as they say, continues to suck. . . _

Peace,

Fausty


----------



## fastandbulbous

Out of the people I've known who have died through intoxication, alcohol is by far the biggest culprit. One friend asphyxiated himself by passing out face down on a pillow while very pissed; if anything, I hope the people who are saying that this is a wake up call actually mean it and they're not just hollow words. Then at least something positive will have come out of this tragedy - as I mentioned in my previous post, 2008 has been a shitty year so far for BL as several members have passed away; please try and make it so that Tom is the last one this year. Wherever he is, I'm sure he agree with that sentiment


----------



## olskoolrollrz

didnt know the kat..but obviously loved by many..R.I.P fellow human being


----------



## hungryghostredman

it seems I've wronged our nations undertakers...they have sorted it for tuesday. I suppose they think its better to say they can't and then it turns out they can, than the other way around. Thanks once more everyone


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## haribo1

I had a dream about Tom last night. We were discussing Camus and Sartre. Tom said 'I don't like Sartre, all that rubbish about nausea'. Now, he liked, as I do, Camus, but having someone like Tom agree with me sort of made it official, like asking a teacher if your work was right.

His intellect was quite formidable. Certainly in the top 1%.

I figure as long as we remember him, he's not gone. He changed my life for the better. He looked after me. He worried about me.

I hope to get hold of a picture of him, so I can keep his image fresh.


Sean


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## schiz0phren1c

I'd just like to pay my respects although I never met Tom the man seems to have been a thoroughly decent human being.

*    Do not stand at my grave and weep,
    I am not there, I do not sleep.
    I am in a thousand winds that blow,
    I am the softly falling snow.
    I am the gentle showers of rain,
    I am the fields of ripening grain.
    I am in the morning hush,
    I am in the graceful rush
    Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
    I am the starshine of the night.
    I am in the flowers that bloom,
    I am in a quiet room.
    I am in the birds that sing,
    I am in each lovely thing.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry,
    I am not there. I do not die. *
Mary Elizabeth Frye.


----------



## BeefcaKez

shit man i remember reading one of his posts the other week 

R.I.P m8 didnt know u but u will be missed by many


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## Tylerdurden

Tom! Sad. Sad. Sad. 

Such a clever oke! I hadn't been round here a while and hoped he'd found his peace somehow. He was just too sharp for his own good. Dear foolhardy Tom!

I remember at glade last year he saw a kid get bust with a fuckload of pills by security and he went to his defence, quoting laws at those bruisers better than a lawyer could've.

RIP

*hugs to Helen*


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## Tryptamite

Tylerdurden said:
			
		

> I remember at glade last year he saw a kid get bust with a fuckload of pills by security and he went to his defence, quoting laws at those bruisers better than a lawyer could've.



I don't want to take away from the tradjedy of his death, but what a fucking hero!


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## Tranced

Tylerdurden said:
			
		

> Tom! Sad. Sad. Sad.
> 
> Such a clever oke! I hadn't been round here a while and hoped he'd found his peace somehow. He was just too sharp for his own good. Dear foolhardy Tom!
> 
> I remember at glade last year he saw a kid get bust with a fuckload of pills by security and he went to his defence, quoting laws at those bruisers better than a lawyer could've.
> 
> RIP
> 
> *hugs to Helen*



Yeah, he got a black eye for that (the kid got off with it by the way).

I remember sitting with him and you in the morning, he was buckled and kept trying to light invisible tabs.


----------



## squidhead

I never chatted with him, but it sounds like he had a lotta friends.

RIP, MTGG!!

"If there's a God in Heaven...& I sure hope there is...then he's sitting up there drunker than a monkey & smokin shit...as he left all his pain down here." -- Platoon


----------



## glitterbizkit

Grrrrr said:
			
		

> Some of you might like to read through this, my favourite post of Hollow Horsey
> 
> http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=4183139&postcount=25



I never saw that post before... I love it.


----------



## France

Rest in peace.


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## pill_munky

Im sorry to hear about that he seemed a realy cool guy. R.I.P


----------



## AuraithX

hungryghostredman & cherry

I did not know Tom that well but my deepest sympathies go out to you and Toms family.


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## greenlittlepill

i know for a fact he's okay.....in a better place.......i wish i was with him,but i have work yet to do b4 its my turn. r.i.p. bro


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## getreal

greenlittlepill said:
			
		

> *i know for a fact he's okay.....in a better place...*....


Yea he is


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## Riklet

Very, very sad.  I always read MTGG's posts with interest, and he could be bloody eloquent when he wanted to be! A real loss for bluelight, and everyone else in general, but the way he described the lessons he learned, definitely had some positive impacts.

Rest in peace, and thank you!


----------



## swybs

Ccf, and anyone who was close to him-or those who only chatted online with him-he was a very intelligent man/soul and I wish that he is in a much better place-rip.

Swybs


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## Grrrrr

Tylerdurden said:
			
		

> I remember at glade last year he saw a kid get bust with a fuckload of pills by security and he went to his defence, quoting laws at those bruisers better than a lawyer could've.



Wow  

Ever since this thread i have spent a lot of time thinking about Tom, it's just such a tragedy. I really hope he knew of the love and respect everyone here had for him. For anyone that didn't see it, i urge you to read the post i linked to earlier, it gives a nice insight into his life and thoughts


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## hungryghostredman

Thanks it has been nice to see the effect he has had on people, both on this site and in real life. The funeral is tommorrow I think there will be many people there. I love that story too. I miss him unbearably


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## cherrycolouredfunk

I had a dream about him last night. Somehow he had managed to get his hands on some sort of time machine and had had taken himself back in time but he could only stay for a short while. Then I had the realisation that he would eventually have to go again but how was that going to happen. I was distraught and I said well go and talk to whoever gave you the machine, maybe you can strike up a deal. I've been crying in my dreams. 

Thats only the basic outline! It's a subconcious way of dealing with things. I had as similar dream about my mother when she had just died. She came back to life but I wasn't allowed to tell anybody else! I've been thinking about parallel universes a lot recently. They were one of Tom and mines favourite conversations.


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## happyus

to say i was thinking alot about Tom yesterday.
I really hope the day was a nice peaceful ending to his sometimes chaotic time on this earth and that everyone he knew and loved are doing okay.


----------



## Treacle

Same here. I was hoping to attend the funeral, but it was in Southport, and I thought it was in Manchester, for some reason. I hope it was a good service.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKQDYDvurek&feature=related

'How hard is it for me to
wait for you, my love
See you in the next one have a good time
Could be a lifetime before I
see you again, my love
See you in the next one have a good time'


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## Lysis

Cherry, sweetie!  I tried to get an msn account and failed.  I will work on that, but please know your love is in my heart and I feel for you deeply.

Good luck my friend.  One day you will see him as we all will with our soulmates.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

The last film and night out me and Tom had involved going to see Juno. We both fell in love with the soundtrack. 

Its been a while until I could listen to this song. it still makes me cry. The lyrics did then and now still do make so much sense. 


Moldy Peaches, The - Anyone Else But You

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you​
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtBMF0BqDrU


----------



## Swerlz

Rip


----------



## stellablue

RIP, your missed so much by so many.


----------



## getreal

Tom,
Thank you for watching over my son.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Exactly 1 year today and almost to the hour since I met this beautiful boy in person. 

I'm so happy to have done so and to have been able to spend some wonderful times with him. Love always


----------



## Tranced

Sound.as.fuck


----------



## Tenchi

Amen to that.  I still have his mobile number in my phone, keeping it there.


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## cherrycolouredfunk

Things were happy this time year ago. Merry Christmas you.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

"I read somewhere how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once... to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head. . . ." 
Christopher McCandless.

I remember MTGG telling me he found this book in a reduced section of a shop years before it was made into a film. The film, 'Into the Wild' along with a letter written by himself, was one of the last things he gave me before he died. I am being strong, I think.


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## icancu2k

^Hope you're well CCF

Weird I was just thinking him the other day.

I have the Juno soundtrack as my alarm on my PC at the moment. What a beautiful song that is.

Stay strong


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## cherrycolouredfunk

I've been thinking about him a lot recently too, it's almost coming up to a year. It's strange, as I wasn't even aware of the actual date, months are just running into each other at the moment.  I just found myself thinking about him, then realised it was almost the date he passed away. The mind is a powerful thing. 

It is a lovely song yes. Happy Memories.


----------



## Mugz

> "I read somewhere how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once... to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head. . . ."
> Christopher McCandless.



one of my favourite quotes from the book and film, he was a wise man to find and enjoy the story of Chris McCandless before it was made into a film


----------



## TheSpade

I ended up in this forum by accident and came across this post. I totally missed it the first time round, I was in Bali at the time, I remember lazing on my bed one afternoon after too much sun when Mr Moss text me to tell me the bad news. By the time I was home and had access to the internet I couldn't find any topic on the subject and thought maybe it had been kept off the board for one reason or another.

Reading through this has made me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because it's so tragic, yet happy to see how caring the people of BL are. 

R.I.P. mate.


----------



## lazygit

R.I.P I wish I knowed you more.


----------



## Omar

Miss ya fella!

3 days late soz!


----------



## brandon-cameron

Rest in peace.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

.


----------



## captain codshit

Until today I never even knew this side to Bluelight existed. It was the death of another bluelighter Carsick that brought me here. I feel sad and glad to have read this thread. Tom sounded like a great guy who had so many interesting things to say and stories to tell. I'm sad I missed hearing so many of them. 

I'm glad I have read this though as it shows how many strong caring people are out there.

RIP Tom


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

He was a true story teller


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## Lifeandtimes

cherrycolouredfunk said:


> He was a true story teller



He had very profound eyes and seemed like a real genuine man, a real thinker. Those eyes seen some very powerful experiences in life, alot of hardships, alot of good times, you can tell from those eyes that he just wanted to understand life. those eyes undoubtedly had a story to. Life is so tough sometimes, we should all just love one another regardless of religions, belief, opinions, looks, age, weight, problems, Let's fucking love each other and help each other live in this world. we all just want to live, so let's help each other live. Those eyes just wanted to live


----------



## D's

Damn, sorry to hear bro. Times are hard. It pisses me off to read shit like this asking myself why couldn't it be me and not you. My prayers go out to you and your family and friends. You will be missed dude.


----------



## PixieDust

How did he pass? Dare I ask...

R.I.P. Tom
my prayers go out to his loved ones


----------



## phactor

RIP....

I've been on bluelight for awhile, we have lost far far to many. Please be careful everyone.


----------



## lazzzy

Another one who came here from other threads to see a name I remember from years ago.


----------



## SteeleyJ

RIP. Man i hate hearing about BLers dying. I look at this place and the cats on here like a sort of family.      I give my sympathies and condolences to his fam and friends.....keep strong.


----------



## monstanoodle

R.I.P Tom 

I wish so badly I'd have spoken with him more on MSN when he added me.
Such a lovely bloke.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Happy Birthday empty horse. 


I'm a day late, but I was busy thinking about you yesterday.


----------



## cakehead

man, not been around bluelight for a while but seems theres a lot of people died over the last couple of years. personally i think the best anybody can hope for in this life is that when they leave they leave behind people who remember them with love and mtgg certainly seems to have achieved that.


----------



## 65daysofstatic

just saw this topic from another thread. Made me realise that I should wise up my own ways, if not for myself then for the people I'll leave behind next time I fuck up.

im sorry for your loss


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

> for the people I'll leave behind next time I fuck up.



Do it!


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Empty gee gee, I can't believe it's been two years since you were taken away too soon. I still miss you like a part of me is walking to the wrong beat. I've thought over and over things so often and wish I could take back so many things I and we said and did.  

I hope you've found your place to fit in now. Rest well wherever you are, keep a seat warm for me and I will see you in the next life.


----------



## Treacle

Hope everything's OK up there in the clouds... Miss you loads, dude. x


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Still miss you fella. Could do with your advice right now, or to just hear you say 'Get on with it then girl!'


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gV3g9LCvPc&feature=related

'The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time 
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind'

I still love you.


----------



## reptilian

Thinking of you Tom. Deeply regret missing my opportunity to meet you in person.

 Touched.

 Reptilian.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

It would have been your birthday in two days. I wont have a drink for you, as I'm trying to stop, but I will smile and be thinking of you.


----------



## jonny.steel18

don´t morn his death but celebrate his life for he is in a higher place now
R:I


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Thinking of you.


----------



## ChainsawWilliams

cherrycolouredfunk said:


> Thinking of you.



Absolutely beautiful you keep this going after 3 years. Sitting here weeping.

Hope everyone he left behind is ok because I'm sure he is.


----------



## Tenchi

Still miss you man.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

We've lost two BL'ers in the past few days, one of which you loved to banter with, and it made me think of you. Just fucking why. You were so close to the chance that could have turned things around, two more days and you would have been in Rehab. I can't stop thinking about the what ifs.....

Still miss you fella


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk




----------



## clubcard

He was an amazing guy. He did everything to the ultimate degree. Last time we talked he was going into inpatient care to get clean and he was happy to do so.


----------

