# Post Pics Of Those Who Died From Drugs



## Chaos23

Post pics and names of those you know lost to drugs









^^^
Kristen Marie R., my sister
9-27-74 to 9-29-05

Samuel K. (best friend)
?? ?? 75 to 9- 29 - 04 (yeah, same day different year)

Baron M. 42 yrs old
Yeardly C. 24 yrs old
Ron F. 23 yrs old
Josh S. (??? 22 yrs old)
James 'nomad' C. (27 yrs old)
Jonathan M. (22 yrs old)
Laura S. 32 yrs old)
Brooke (last name unknown) (?? 26 yrs old)
Shariffe P. (26 yrs old)
Lauren B. (25 yrs old)
'Tip' (31 yrs old)
Jonathan B. (28 yrs old)

I may be leaving  a few out...  I had so many students who died.  This is just a thread based on those loved and lost. 

I believe the constant reminder of death may help others to either stop, or be more careful...

My heart goes out to all of your losses. 

(I lost most of my pics, and those were the only ones I had on my computer)


EDIT:  this is my sister and I when we were kids.  I have like 200 pics of her...  but i will spare you the misery of posting too many


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## Mind-Melt

RIP to all.... 

Tyler:


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## swilow

Grim thread, but a neccesary reminder.


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## swilow

> Kristen Marie R., my sister
> 9-27-74 to 9-29-05



I'm so very sorry, you have my thoughts and good will....


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## Ptah

I do not have pics of them, which is both fortunately and unfortunately I guess.  
Without exception heroin shooters, though additional drugs were involved too.
I really despise the sickos who post on BL pretending banging H is cool, rewarding and fun. 
I know misery loves company but [a bit harsh - sushii]
Thank you.


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## CBRworm

I don't want to post pictures.  I've been to way to many funerals for people in their 20's.  Here are just a couple.

My best friend from childhood, Mark, died at 23 due to what was supposed to be GHB eating through his stomach.  He didn't make it out of the house and was found by his sister.  He was married with 2 babies.  The medical examiner said it must have been a very painful death.

Another friend of mine, Rob, who was an avid drug user died on the back of his motorcycle while trying to teach his wife how to ride. . . He was 30

Chad, a guy I worked and raced with was killed in a freak bike accident on the track at Daytona a few years ago.  

Another good friend of mine, Andrew,  was killed when he hit a van at about 140 mph.  He was on a motorcycle of course.  He was an underwear model.  I don't know why that always struck me.  He was so good looking, and spent so much time making his body perfect - then he died.

Tracy had been drinking and flipped her truck into a canal and couldn't get out.

Karen's boyfriend also crashed his truck and was killed.

Amanda shot herself with her dad's .357 after a night of partying.

A whole group of people who I used to party with got AIDS.  I am not sure of the details, but they all shared needles, had sex, etc.  Luckily I never was messed up enough to have sex with any of them, and I am deathly afraid of needles.  A little more now.  

Scott died of aids as did Dawn and that guy whos name I can never remember.  The rest of them are still kicking.  The first one got diagnosed in '97.


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## Psychlone Jack

My friend Jason J. who died in October.  (I don't know who the girl in the pic is)

He was badly addicted to heroin and as a result of the accompanying depression he shot himself in the head.  

He was 19.

RIP


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## MDPVagrant

OP: Very sorry to hear about your sister & best friend.  I really wish society "allowed" comprehensive drug education + harm reduction, I think it would cut back greatly on deaths.


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## absent minded

yeah no kidding.


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## wingnutlives

Amber P. - 19 - died in July 2007 from heroin overdose
I miss her so much.....


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## The Frog

B.J. T.--heroin addict, shot himself
Scott J.--heroin addict, shot himself
Jason B.--heroin overdose
Michael E.--heroin overdose
Paul E.--hung himself
Jimmy B.--speedball overdose
Matt C.--hung himself depressed about meth addiction
David A.--"Lost" in Everglades in South Florida
Rory C.--heroin/benzo/alcohol intoxication
Josh C.--asphyxia/morphine overdose 
Matt S.--IV cocaine overdose
Gwen R.--heroin overdose
Mary H.--drunk driving/car accident
Diana C.--murdered/bad drug deal
Zack D.--car accident/oxycodone and cocaine 

RIP
You guys haven't been forgotten--those of us still here, we talk about you often...forever in our hearts...we love you and we miss you....see you when we get there........


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## IcarusRisen

[sorry icarus, I know you probably didn't mean that how it came across, but it wasn't a very respectful thing to say.....]


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## Khadijah

^^Yo, Im sure you didnt mean it that way but dude you should re phrase how you say shit like that, on the real. Cmon.


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## Hydrocodonious

IcarusRisen said:
			
		

> [sorry icarus, I know you probably didn't mean that how it came across, but it wasn't a very respectful thing to say.....]



I never post here but that was the most immature post I have ever seen.  Do you even think? did you even read what you wrote? Do you even have a conscience?

you just wait till youve lost a loved one

My grandfather RIP (died of pancreatic cancer from alcohol)


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## themindlessone

Nate P. - January '07. Methamphetamine induced Suicide.

I'm sorry buddy, it's over and we all remember you.


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## indelibleface

I'm lucky to not have known anyone very closely who has died from drug use.

But, given how things tend to be, I'm sure I'll know a few in my lifetime eventually.


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## SonOF

The Frog said:
			
		

> B.J. T.--heroin addict, shot himself
> Scott J.--heroin addict, shot himself
> Jason B.--heroin overdose
> Michael E.--heroin overdose
> Paul E.--hung himself
> Jimmy B.--speedball overdose
> Matt C.--hung himself depressed about meth addiction
> David A.--"Lost" in Everglades in South Florida
> Rory C.--heroin/benzo/alcohol intoxication
> Josh C.--asphyxia/morphine overdose
> Matt S.--IV cocaine overdose
> Gwen R.--heroin overdose
> Mary H.--drunk driving/car accident
> Diana C.--murdered/bad drug deal
> Zack D.--car accident/oxycodone and cocaine
> RIP
> You guys haven't been forgotten--those of us still here, we talk about you often...forever in our hearts...we love you and we miss you....see you when we get there........



I guess it's my own naiveté, but I never thought about how many suicides were drug related (not overdosing on the drug, but killing oneself because one cannot deal with addiction).  I wish some of these people tried treatment before taking such a drastic step.   

Sorry to all those who have lost.


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## SonOF

Mind-Melt said:
			
		

> RIP to all....
> 
> Tyler:



It's spooky how much this individual looks like me.    

RIP.


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## rat tat tat tat




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## IcarusRisen

My profuse apologies for the way my statement came off, but my words were true. It may hurt, but the lifestyle needs to change.


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## B9

Last year I met an old partner in crime ( we were heroin & other drugs i.v. users ) We counted the folks who we knew were part of our scene back then.

They numbered 42 persons15 years or so ago.By last summer (2006) 32 had died from accidental overdoses or suicides.


R.I.P.


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## biz0r

My best friend, Miles, RIP July 18th, 2004. He was 17 in this pic, died when he was 21. This is how I like to remember him, during our pre-drug era . I knew Miles since gradeschool, we were the kind of friends that you keep for life.

I also have another friend Scott that died October 7th, 2007, ripe old age of 25... no digi pics of him.

Life really sucks sometimes...*sigh*

My thoughts and feelings go out to the others who have posted a loss here...


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## ladyinthesky

this is Tyler, he died in September of an overdose, i dont know what and i dont want to know 

just hope he didnt suffer....RIP Tyler 
he always took great care of me and made sure i didn't over do it, turns out he did


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## stellablue

I will post his pictures later.

My father, Richard Allen P., in April of 1990. Shot himself.
My husband, Dana Morgan W., in July of 1998. Overdose.
My grandmother, Lucille P., in 1985. Shot herself.


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## chessmaster69

Anybody remember this guy who was on the OP forum, then the mty forum before they got shut down, called Andocando?  Good guy, always seemed to give good sound advise, but then dies. I always wanted to find out what happened to him, and what led to his demise.  If anyone knew him shout.


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## pennywise

SonOF said:
			
		

> I guess it's my own naiveté, but I never thought about how many suicides were drug related (not overdosing on the drug, but killing oneself because one cannot deal with addiction).  I wish some of these people tried treatment before taking such a drastic step.
> 
> Sorry to all those who have lost.


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## Omni

Very sad thread 

RIP to all the loved ones you all have lost.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must be like.


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## Chaos23

I don't know these people personally, but we all know who they are

Shannon Hoon





River Phoenix





Jim Morrison 





Jimmy Hendrix





Janis Joplin





Elvis Presley 





John Belushi





There are many many more..  These are just a few of the famous ones.

Sorry if this thread is a downer, but for those who continue to use lethal drugs, this is a reminder of what can happen...  From the looks of things a lot of other people have lost many people as well...  Just important to remember...


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## wingnutlives

I'm so glad I found a picture of her, finally... although it kinda makes me want to cry. My post is on the first page, I edited it...


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## Kenaz

Rollie B.: one of the local characters in the rural Pennsylvania town where I grew up.  Died of a heart attack in 1992 at 41, after approximately 20 years of alcohol and methamphetamine abuse. 

Bill S.: died 1993, self-inflicted gunshot wound after a night of heavy drinking

Paul H. (1958-1999).  One of the smartest psychonauts I ever met.  We lost touch: when I tried to find him via Google I discovered he had perished from a multidrug overdose.  Paul always had problems with opiates: when we last spoke in 1996 or thereabouts he had just gotten clean of a heroin habit.   Alas, his last relapse proved to be his last relapse... 

John D.: died 2000, self-inflicted gunshot wound after a night of heavy drinking

Nothing but memories here, not even pictures...


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## bulldog8b

RIP Marc C., he was my boy since we were 5 years old.  He died 11-15-07 from a heroin OD.  He was 25.  His sister found him in the bathroom.  Love you brotha.


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## Pillthrill

I'm sorry for you losses everyone, so many gone too soon. May these people continue to be close to you in your  hearts and bring you comfort.


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## Arzi

sad stuff guys


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## beachsidefl321

*R.i.p.*

Guillaume D. - Oxycontin/Cocaine - 18 years old - Died on February 10, 2006 






Jonathan R. - Oxycontin - 18-19 years old? 



Courtney M. - 22 years old - Disappeared while surfing at Velzyland, North shore of Oahu, Hawaii. Her surfboard washed ashore; marks on the leash suggested shark involvement.






Bradley Nowell - Heroin - February 22, 1968 – May 25, 1996


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## a mandy jooo

whoops i OD'd
shortness of breath
call ambulance
tell my wife i....
error in judgment
cut my life
no second chance
no guiding light

i never meant to cause you pain
i never thought i'd be the one who took the fall
i got lost in the moment
assholes like to test the limit

six minutes down
breathing machine
brain not feel right
the look on you
is killing me
drowning in shame,
but don't feel bad cause i
never feared consequences,
hate regrets more then apologies

a year has passed
like photographs
my life is just
a scrapbook of,
old friends and faded memories
looks like i pulled the rug from under myself,
the fall's to much for me to recover from
it's been real fun,
but now i must say goodbye
i'll see you all at okie dogs
see you all at okie dogs...

"whoops i OD'd" - NOFX



eric jon d. 9/10/85 - 10/17/06
love you forever


















......


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## beachsidefl321

I tried to edit my post but it didn't work.
a mandy joo: good song. you inspired me to post these lyrics brad wrote (lead singer from sublime pictured in my post above for those who don't know)

lying in my plasic bed
thinkin how things weren't so cool to me
my baby likes to shoot pool
i like lying naked in my bedroom
tying on the dinosaur
tonight it used to be so cool

now i've got the needle
and i can't bleed but i can't breathe
take it away and i want more and more
*one day i'm gonna lose the war*

lying in my plasic bed
thinkin how things weren't so cool to me
my baby likes to shoot pool
i like lying naked in my bedroom

tying on the dinosaur
tonight it used to be so cool

now i've got the needle
and i can't shake
but i can't breathe

take it away and but i want more and more
*one day i'm gonna lose the war *


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## Mind-Melt

SonOF said:
			
		

> It's spooky how much this individual looks like me.
> 
> RIP.



i hope it doesnt scare you but serves as a lesson.


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## rahnaynay

WHat's sick is all I can think about while looking at those pictures is "holy shit, this makes me scared, where's my uppers?"


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## xpensivtaste

it really is sad. and most of the pictures the people are sooo young, may they rest in peace. love to you all that have lost someone x


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## B9

Brings tears to my eyes -then again I always am an emotional person.


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## pennywise

beachsidefl321 said:
			
		

> Courtney M. - 22 years old - Disappeared while surfing at Velzyland, North shore of Oahu, Hawaii. Her surfboard washed ashore; marks on the leash suggested shark involvement.



while you have my condolences, how is getting eaten by a shark considered drug related?


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## Kastr0

My best wishes to everyone here.... some sad stories to read about, hopefully this thread can prevent someone else from OD'ing..

 Be safe!


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## panic in paradise

right when he seriously goes to kik, after HOW MANY years, he dies, trying. that one of the most shiningly twisted examples of poetic justice i've heard of.



 

*we love you**...*


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## zombiesarepeaceful

I've been thinking. Mistake #1. My grandma had been deeply depressed in the weeks prior to her death. She drank. She took medication. There was an empty bottle of vodka lying next to her chair when we found her dead. I can't help but wonder...did she drink herself to death? Probably my imagination being overactive again. She was very depressed though...felt discarded and hopeless. There was no autopsy, so I'll never know for sure. 

Either way, RIP G'ma.

Adah A. - 8/27/33 - 1/29/2008






Fuck I can't find her fucking picture fuck


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## FAR-BEYOND-DRIVEN

the first pic you all know, but i had to post, my favorite singer and inspiration, him and dimebag darrell....

the second pic is one of my best friends daniel...we called him dirty dan....inside joke, one of the coolest dudes ever, he o.d. on methadone and xanax....
there are seriously 5 more of my best friends who have o.d. on the exact same thing in the past year, where im originally from louisiana, i unfortunately dont have any pics on my computer yet of them though......its really hard, these were my best friends.......R.I.P. BROTHERS


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## Makaveli69

Unfortunatly I have no pictures of anyone close to me who OD'd (never really was saving pictures), I have known many people who were lost due to drugs but most of my best friends were lucky in that aspect.

Except one of my best friends larry who died 5 years ago when we were 16, we were high on xanax and alcohol then shot heroin, we both OD'd but they couldn't revive him.. was one of the saddest days of my life.

I also have acouple real good friends that were murdered for selling drugs but I'll just keep it to the ODs.

Condelences on everyones loses.


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## burn out

pennywise said:
			
		

> while you have my condolences, how is getting eaten by a shark considered drug related?




i was thinking the same thing. the title of this thread is post *pictures*
of those who died *from* drugs. not recount every single person you've known who has died. although you have our condolences, if drugs didn't play a roll in the persons death, it frankly doesn't belong in this thread. 

anyway, this is my friend chris who died from injuries resulting from him crashing into a tree while driving under the influence of alcohol:






he died on jan. 4th, 2007.


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## the_ketaman

This is such a sad thread, its definitely made me have a good hard think. Usually im worrying about other drug related things apart from death. I really get the feeling that its time to move on from drugs.

It does make me smile a little that most of the photo's people have put up are happy photo's, people are smiling and dont look all drugged up. Its great that we are able to remember them this way. My thoughts are with all of you because I may not know what its like to have someone die from drugs I know what its like to lose someone close, it isnt nice but to be able to see a photo of them smiling is enough to comfort me and realise such is life.


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## Boiling in Acid

^you're right, i looked at this thread in a bit different way. i'm sorry.


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## stellablue

No, don't be sorry for expressing yourself. I just wanted you to see it in a different way. Thank you for reconsidering.


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## nikol

Isaac P., 19 
Dec. 31, 1988-Feb. 16, 2008
Heroin Overdose


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## Psychlone Jack

^ Damn man... truly sorry for your loss.  He looks exactly like a friend of mine.

Can't believe it's been 4 months since Jason died.  Feels like it was last week.


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## artaxerxes

Rich G. (1967-2003), Greg O. (1965-2006). They both made it a long, long way.

RIP


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## canj00feelit?

Unfortunately I don't have any pics, but here goes...

Elizabeth Ann C. 11/08/1964 - 4/16/2004  (Cocaine od) *RIP Mom*

Ryan M. 4/24/1980 - 7/18/2004 (Methadone od / suicide) *RIP buddy*

I know many many more "aqcuaintances" that have died over the last 5 years, but these 2 were near and dear to me, not to say that the other aren't worth the mention... but I don't even know most of their full/real names, let alone their birthdates and exact dates they died.....

Let's all say a prayer, tomorrow morning I'm heading off to detox to better my chances of not going out this same way....


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## SFLraver

^^^ good luck my friend your in my prayers, you can do it!!


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## Chaos23

YET ANOTHER FRIEND...  When will it all end?
Mitch...  was one of my best friends growing up, although we only talked about 4 or 5 times a month as of late.
05/10/73 - 01/17/08


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## Roger32

All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be


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## haribo1

Wiki list of drug related deaths

Just look how many drugs have claimed. Note that although heroin is top of the list, cocaine is surprisingly up there in great numbers at once. Only 2 mention methamphetamine, 2 mention MDMA....


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## zombiesarepeaceful

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



Wrong. I'm not even going to say what I'm thinking, but you are entirely wrong. Suicides are not cowards. I have the utmost respect for those who go through with suicide.


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## pennywise

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



plz don't refer to people who committed suicide as cowards. for one thing, that is kind of a dick thing to say. for another thing, i think killing yourself takes plenty of balls. I know I have wanted to die before, but I was too much of a pussy to even think of killing myself.


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## burn out

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be




technically they did die from drugs if they used drugs to commit suicide.  this thread doesn't say "post pics of those who died from drugs unintentionally". basically all drug related deaths can be posted here, whether it was direct or indirect (for example dying from driving under the influence is indirect) because the thread doesn't specify. if you want to debate about suicide, take it elsewhere and no, it did not need to be said HERE. everyone has their own thoughts about suicide but this isn't the place to debate them.


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## Pillthrill

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



I take this very personally. Apparently you have never dealt with serious depression and suicidal thoughts. In the end people don't die from suicide really they die from pain and sadness that is so overwhelming that they seek any way to end it. I would ask that you please not say things like this and keep this thread in remembrance of those loved and lost. Just because someone died of suicide or whatever doesn't mean that they were not deeply loved and the people that loved them are not pained, it is disrespectful at any rate.


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## Xorkoth

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



Not cool  

Not cool at all.  Bad thing to say, even worse place to say it.


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## Pillthrill

My heart goes out to the people that loved those lost every time I come here. I see so much in these pictures of people that I have never met and its hard to believe that they are gone, I can't imagine how those that lost them must feel. 
All respect and love, RIP


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## drug_wench

i wish i had pictures but im a technophobe
RIP kate m. - heroin OD (19 yo at the time)
taylor n. w. (my first bf) - heroin OD (19 yo at the time)
christopher s. - heroin OD (20 yo at the time)
crystal s. - meth lab explosion (24 yo at the time)


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## ClubbinGuido

Anastasia - Heroin

Sean - Heroin

My Inner Child - Heroin


RIP


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## Lil' Stella

Pierre. R.I.P


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## Pillthrill

I really wish we never had to lose another person. It just breaks my heart.


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## stellablue

^ Mine to sweetie. It is hard to breath at times. I miss him so much.


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## Lil' Stella

^me too


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## Immortal Teknique

So many young people dying from heroin OD's.


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## Pillthrill

Immortal Teknique said:
			
		

> So many young people dying from heroin OD's.



Or drug related suicides...You know, I think emotional pain is really related.


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## drunken_etard

i dont hacve a pic of my buddies who died, and it just gets me to sad to think about it. =(


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## IwantitALL

So sad  Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger, it breaks my heart...... RIP


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## tioski

Jesus. I've stared death in the eyes several times during drug experiences only over the past 3 years as a result of my detrimental albeit common attitude towards drugs - *go big or go home*. And somehow, I still don't know if I've learned my lesson, having the most recent one of those experiences only last night with 15 pills in one sitting (pure and large dose). I'm the kind of guy who'd get the "Most Likely To Overdose" award in the high-school yearbook.

So with that said, this thread really gives my head a shake, presenting the very real risks I take when choosing to dance with the devil.


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## Phy

Laureline, drove drunk, 20, best friend, ex girlfriend.
1986 - 25 Feb 2007.
Already one year, I miss you so much!
(Don't wish to add a pic.)


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## enoughorangejuice?

this thread is terribly sad but a good reminder as to what drugs can do and where they can lead you and your mind... i know what its like to be an addict and wishing to have enough downers to OD and die, because there have been plenty of moments during my drug abuse where i wished for death... but in retrospect it was because of the depressants making me even more depressed than i am to begin with... i'm so sorry for all of your losses, i'm lucky that i dont know anyone personally but i'm sure it won't stay that way forever, unfortunately...

and all of these people are so young... late teens, early twenties... and most either OD on heroin/oxy/methadone or commit suicide because of the depression the strong opiates (and other drugs of course) put you in.... really makes you reconsider your life...

great thread but only because it should be a reality slap for those still abusing....

and again, i'm sorry to everyone for their losses... hopefully others can learn from all of this, so some good can come out of something so terrible.

peace & love


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## Gr3yghost

Lil' Stella said:
			
		

> Pierre. R.I.P




Thanks, Stella.  I was going to add him to the list but I see you've are way ahead of me.


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## Chaos23

I don't have a picture, but one of my best friends killed himself yesterday...  He slit his wrists in the bathtub.  His girlfriend found him.

I know it is not an overdose, but he was struggling with drug and alcohol problems for years and I can't deny the correlation between the drugs and his suicide...


I have lost so many fucking friends.  It makes me sick.  

RIP Ryan Blevins...  and fuck you for killing yourself. selfish....


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## summer sunrise

I don't have a picture of him... at the time I was nowhere near able to afford a digicam.

My ex-husband, Jeremy H. He was a crank and antidepressant addict. 
He hung himself shortly after I left him. He was 18.


R.I.P. Jeremy. 
September 17 1984 - August 6th 2003.


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## bow-viper1

Chaos23 said:
			
		

> RIP Ryan Blevins...  and fuck you for killing yourself. selfish....


I hate to say this to someone who just lost a good friend, but you're obviously the selfish one for thinking he's selfish. People who kill themselves are not selfish. Life isn't meant to be lived for others.


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## Chaos23

yeah.  you are entitled to your beliefs...  

life involves a lot of suffering, and in the instance of most suicides, those left behind feel angry and pissed.  It is all part of the normal grieving process.

Also, how people live life varies from person to person.  There are those with the belief that living an altruistic lifestyle is the key to being a truly good and spiritual person.

I am just upset, and his whole family and girlfriend are just completely devastated.  i stick by my conviction that his act was wholly selfish.  This interpretation is open to change as time passes and my anger wears off and turns into sadness and grief...


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## stellablue

Gr3yghost said:
			
		

> Thanks, Stella.  I was going to add him to the list but I see you've are way ahead of me.




^ No problem, I want you to know you can call me ANYTIME on my cell, if you lost my number PM me. I really miss him so badly, and I hope to be there for you if I can if needed as well. If you ever need an ear, I am here.


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## threelibras99

Ben C*.*, my first boyfriend
02.21.2006
tramadol + effexor


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## drugfukkdrockstar

Chaos23 said:
			
		

> I am just upset, and his whole family and girlfriend are just completely devastated.  i stick by my conviction that his act was wholly selfish.  This interpretation is open to change as time passes and my anger wears off and turns into sadness and grief...



Dude   You have had a terrible run! It is understandable that you feel the way you do. You're angry as well as distraught. My thoughts are you you.

Suicide is never easy to understand. It's completely complected. Sometimes it's really hard to accept that our loved ones no longer want to live and keep fighting, as we're still fighting.

My Uncle Kierran committed suicide due to his drug, alcohol and gambling problem about 4 years ago. He gassed himself in his car, parked outside the primary school he attended when he was a boy. He was completely wacked out on sleeping tablets and alcohol, and apparently smoked 4 packets of cigarettes through out his lead up to his moment of death. He drugged himself to make sure he couldn't back out of it because he tried to kill himself a time before but backed out due to fear and managed to only just survive.

He left his wife with all of his debts. So selfish also came to our minds at first unfortunately as well. It's after you get over the initial shock that you learn that they were battling mental illness.


----------



## Air

Suicide is always terrible. It really shows how (excuse me) fucked up a person really can get.

I feel the lost for all the familys and friends, but still, It's _their_ life and _their_ decision.

May you all have found the peace you were looking for.


----------



## gorgoroth

Darby crash from the Germs, heroin overdose


----------



## x602-NyteFall

I've never personally lost someone from drugs, but I can say that this thread just broke my heart, I can't imagine all the pain you guys feel. 

May all of the people you lost rest in peace.


----------



## notauniquesnowflake

My friend Jason G*.* died on March 27, 2008...self destructive to the max and I always had the feeling that he would leave us early.
Here's to you you crazy bastard....my hope is you find a better world than the one you shared with us.


----------



## EveryStar

Holy shit, this thread makes me scared as fuck. Never have I been so scared to face my own mortality. I don't want to find my picture in here one day.


----------



## JuicyJay

Jimmy, Jimbob

Jan 28th 2008

Overdose on xanax and alcohol

Dublin, Ireland


----------



## The Great Gatsby

I guess I will post a pic of the most recent friend to die a drug/alcohol-related death:






This pic was taken the summer of 1996, the year we graduated.  That's me on the right, Robbie on the left.  He's wearing his senior shirt, I see, and I almost put it into his coffin six weeks ago but kept it instead (not that it held any significance but that I have a million pictures from that summer and I don't think he ever changed clothes until fall...); died of massive brain destruction from a two-car wreck, his fault, head-on, and he was thrown out the back windshield.  DOA, practically, as he was shocked back to vitals at the scene but was for all intents and purposes as brain-dead as they come, was disconnected from life support the next day, and all organs were donated.  He, like me, was married for 10 years and had three--unlike me, my two to his three--kids, two girls (5 & 9) and one boy (3).  I grew up with him, and he was easily my best friend.  I had only seen him once in the past two years though, and we only lived 10 miles apart, but he owed me $400 on a car I'd sold him and he had defaulted on the deal (long story, but there were no problems related between us) and was ashamed over it and hadn't come to hang out in that long; to my discredit, though I had no concern over the money and had told him so many many times before we became seperated, I didn't bridge the gap either.  He came by after Christmas one night, late, drunk, and we talked for quite a while, rather out of the blue, and he cried and I cried and we spoke of how much we meant to one another, he saw my family, et cetera, and then, yeah, like happens, he died in February and that was that.  I carried his body as I had carried his drunken body many times in life.  He was horrified of death, and he beat me to it.  But, as it is, no more worries for him.  I really only worry for his children, as I can't imagine mine having to deal with the death of me or my wife at their ages.  He had finally beat his Xanax addiction as had I, though neither of us knew the other was also in withdrawal-Hell; we had withdrawn at the same time, last year, and we had started taking them together a decade ago.  He died full of booze, instead.

I have had many more die, oxycodone & Dilaudid, Xanax, alcohol, suicides... and that's all there is to that, I guess.  "Miss" doesn't even come close to describing it. 



			
				zombiesarepeaceful said:
			
		

> Suicides are not cowards. I have the utmost respect for those who go through with suicide.



You--and the other similar statements by others--are right.  Yes, we have one life, and if it ends by our own hand directly or indirectly doesn't matter.  The person matters and what we all had together when we were alive.  I may go one day with a planned suicide; so far, my family knows that it will be my choice, and one day it may be that way, one day a long way away, when I'm old and tired and want to go with dignity and lack of fear of the unknown... but if it happens otherwise before then, so be it.


----------



## GanjaBabe

5-7-1989 - 8-29-06
My best friend, Brittany.
She shot herself after having an encounter with police while coming down off of her first roll.

RIP


----------



## rangrz

Richard- "just" an old bum who lived on the street near my place, I use to talk to him, and sit down with him. dead-hypothermia from passing out from alcohol in the cold.

(out of respect to the family anonymous) one of my army friends. Joined up to get away from the drug scene and clean his act up. Dead from both his legs gone at the hip in some god forsaken rocky valley in Helmud province, Afghanistan. its drug related, as he would not of been there, if he was not trying to kick his habit, he was no fighter, he was a lover, just looking for some discipline to get him self cleaned up. *comes to attention and salutes*

Evan- methamphetamine OD....Miss you dude, I remeber how you never ever left the club with out a hot girl on your arm...you still inspires me to new highs of manwhoring. Wish you where still here.


----------



## IAmTheWalrus

Mike Richard B*.*, 39. Died March 8, 1999. I was 10 yrs old and my brother was 8.

He died of cirrhosis. He was rushed to the hospital on a freezing cold Valentine's Day night. 

We miss you Daddy. I hope you can see me and that you are happy with what you see. I hope you have found peace.  

I have a million pictures, but no scanner. I plan on making a DVD for my brother and mother that has pictures from when we were growing up. The background music will be "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and "Last Dance with MaryJane" (an inside joke in our family-when my bro was a baby he would cry when these songs were over), as well as Chicago's "Wishing You Were Here."  I also have casette tapes from my grandma that have conversations from when my brother and I were about 3-4 years old. It has us talking to our parents and each other. It is really cute and I really want my brother to hear it.


----------



## zerograv

this thread brought tears to my eyes.
i have been very fortunate to have not experienced a loss of a friend or family member.
my sympathy is with you all. and i know it must be hard, but just remember time heals all wounds

zero


----------



## Khadijah

Rick H....1969-2008. methadone and xanax overdose. RIP man. If anybody remember the thread in here I posted a ways back about "Clyde"......We always used to joke around n call him that cuz we all loved South Park n cartmans always talkin to clyde frog. rick would always be liek "Come on clyde hit this blunt!" if one of us was talkin too long or whatever. So I used that name as a alias to post about the problems he was havin. I fuckin hated seein it end that way but I always had a feeling....


That fuckin methadone and xanax bullshit gets me so fuckin heated. you dont even know yo. His Dr. knew he was abusing it.he got sent to the hospital 2 times in one week for it. He had already od'd once. the dr. fuckin knew and wouldnt do shit. we begged him over n over and he just lied n said hed take him off it but never did.Hes still there gettin his paper writin out dangerous scripts and dont give a fuck.


----------



## IXinX

A depressing but very necessary thread.

Pawel G*.*

died 22 (i  think)

overdosed on antidepressants.

Edit _sorry, i felt it necessary to delete the last name._


----------



## Chaos23

Kaitlyn B*.*

20 years old died last night after getting hit head on at 65mph by a drunk driver.

Once again, I am devastated.


----------



## Perpetual Indulgence

My friend Joe Buck hanged himself Friday.  Our mutual buddy called me yesterday.  His mom read it in the local paper and called him.  We were friends (with benefits) in high school and the early part of university.  I hadn't seen him in at least 10 years.  Last we heard he was caught up in heroin.  I am sorry that death was the only solution you thought you had Joe.

I don't have a photo...wait I do   It is from that trip to Montreal when we were 19...I forgot until now.  I don't feel right posting it.  It doesn't seem fair.


----------



## center

Too sad for Pierre(wesmdow).


----------



## rat tat tat tat

I know one person that's died from drugs, won't put gov't names on here but they died of a heart attack on mushrooms.


----------



## Omni

Roger32 said:
			
		

> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



While I wouldn't go so far as calling them cowards, I'm going to have to agree with you somewhat. There's always a way to pull out of a mess, even if you don't think there is. And there's always another option, you don't have to kill yourself.

Bad thread to say this in, but suicide is running away from your problems in the worst possible way. You leave behind loved ones that care about you and they will have to live with the fact that you killed yourself for the rest of their lives. Seems selfish to me. They should have sought out help or treatment.  

Life is a gift.


----------



## Chaos23

Omni said:
			
		

> While I wouldn't go so far as calling them cowards, I'm going to have to agree with you somewhat. There's always a way to pull out of a mess, even if you don't think there is. And there's always another option, you don't have to kill yourself.
> 
> Bad thread to say this in, but suicide is running away from your problems in the worst possible way. You leave behind loved ones that care about you and they will have to live with the fact that you killed yourself for the rest of their lives. Seems selfish to me. They should have sought out help or treatment.
> 
> Life is a gift.



I agree with you to an extent.  my friend who killed himself died at his own hand...  The loss is hard, but there is ALWAYS another way out.

Thanks for your words friend.


----------



## kidIrish

Omni said:
			
		

> While I wouldn't go so far as calling them cowards, I'm going to have to agree with you somewhat. There's always a way to pull out of a mess, even if you don't think there is. And there's always another option, you don't have to kill yourself.
> 
> Bad thread to say this in, but suicide is running away from your problems in the worst possible way. You leave behind loved ones that care about you and they will have to live with the fact that you killed yourself for the rest of their lives. Seems selfish to me. They should have sought out help or treatment.
> 
> Life is a gift.



agree entirely with both posters.  Suicide is selfish, your loved ones are left devestated, and racked with guilt. There has to be a better way.


----------



## cheez_ballz

Chaos23 said:
			
		

> Kaitlyn B*.*
> 
> 20 years old died last night after getting hit head on at 65mph by a drunk driver.
> 
> Once again, I am devastated.




sorry for the loss

did she die as a result of *drug overdose*?


----------



## Chaos23

nope.  a drunk driver hit her...  and thus she left this mortal coil...


----------



## panic in paradise

hiya folks.

with all due respect i have deleted the last names from several posts, i really hope no one is offended but, i just want to play this as safe as possible.


----------



## cheez_ballz

Chaos23 said:
			
		

> nope.  a drunk driver hit her...  and thus she left this mortal coil...




did u read the title of this thread before you posted??


----------



## panic in paradise

^

please, we are not going to argue this here, or any where.

she died as a result of drug use, i think its good for people who might be deciding to drink and drive to see. 

_maybe_ they might change their mind.


----------



## cheez_ballz

i just think he being obnoxious and greedy, nothing will change your mind until you actually drink and drive then stack your shit at 3 am on the parkway cause you wanted to party out of state!


----------



## Pshaaw

one of my good friends.. Paige H. died in '05  at the age of 40 of a brain aneurysm.. after almost 30 years of methamphetamine use..  (yes. her mom started partying with her when she was 10 or 11.. so she'd have speed  buddy)..  

was sad to see you go Paige.. I miss you lots, girl..


----------



## Chaos23

cheez_ballz said:
			
		

> did u read the title of this thread before you posted??




actually I started this thread my friend...  Alcohol is a drug, and my friend was killed by a drunk driver.  therefore she died due to drug and alcohol related causes.

Thanks for being such a wonderful and compassionate person.


----------



## panic in paradise

more then good enough.

RIP

*.*


----------



## Omni

GanjaBabe said:
			
		

> 5-7-1989 - 8-29-06
> My best friend, Brittany.
> She shot herself after having an encounter with police while coming down off of her first roll.
> 
> RIP



No way.....why??


----------



## Ungoliath

Jodi O.
Your suicidal ways ended both your life, and mine. That theft damned me and killed you.  I know you never could have dreamed that it would have turned out the way it has, but, it has....
Forgive me for my sadness and hate, my evil ways and leading you into temptation, it delivered me into evil, I've never been the same since I found you that morning....Im sorry I curse your name, and damn you when I speak, but, if you knew what you did would lead to, im sure you never would have done that.

RIP Jody 1989-2007 (nov 25th)


----------



## xpensivtaste

Ungoliath said:
			
		

> Jodi O.
> Your suicidal ways ended both your life, and mine. That theft damned me and killed you.  I know you never could have dreamed that it would have turned out the way it has, but, it has....
> Forgive me for my sadness and hate, my evil ways and leading you into temptation, it delivered me into evil, I've never been the same since I found you that morning....Im sorry I curse your name, and damn you when I speak, but, if you knew what you did would lead to, im sure you never would have done that.
> 
> RIP Jody 1989-2007 (nov 25th)



so young, so sad. 
sorry that you have to go through life with something so upsetting always in your mind and heart
sorry to all of you. 
suicide isn't the easiest but the quickest way out of a problem. i will admit that there have been times where i wished i were dead but i never went through with it because i could't put my loved ones through that sort of grief. 
with help i became stronger and i have no intentions of giving up now. cherish life, you only get one.
my condolences to everyone who has lost someone close due to drink or drugs.


----------



## bow-viper1

Anyone who is so devastated by the loss of someone who commits suicide that they can blame that action for what their life has become has much deeper issues to deal with.

Stop blaming them for ceasing consciousness. Life isn't for everyone, and if really think suicide is selfish, then you must agree that there is no more selfish act than giving birth. Birthing children is all about the parents.


----------



## Pillthrill

Such young beautiful people with the world open to them...


----------



## Chaos23

bow-viper1 said:
			
		

> Anyone who is so devastated by the loss of someone who commits suicide that they can blame that action for what their life has become has much deeper issues to deal with.
> 
> Stop blaming them for ceasing consciousness. Life isn't for everyone, and if really think suicide is selfish, then you must agree that there is no more selfish act than giving birth. Birthing children is all about the parents.



Actually despite my devastation after my friend Ryan's suicide, I felt much more comfortable with it than any of the people I have lost due to accident and overdose.  I attribute this to the fact that he wanted to die.  This is NOT the typical view, and I do view his actions as completely selfish.  His family was completely LEVELED by this.  His parents were good people who tried their best to raise him right.

A person makes their own decisions in life.  People come from crack whore families to become judges and doctors and lawyers.  People who are born to doctors and lawyers become crack addicts.

Life is a series of choices set out by the individual living it.  Death is always tragic when it happens to young people and those who are not expected to die.  it is always painful to someone regardless of the age.  So please show compassion and learn to live life in a way that shares love rather than creates resentments and negativity towards those you speak with.  Even in an online community you must realize that we live as human beings, and it is human beings who are typing to you.  If I misunderstood please disregard my reponse.


----------



## blackdog

*reality bites*

lest we forget. this thread does to me like i cant explain.
same for the song "all my friends that died died"
Now which way will i go? sobriety or have another fix.
R.I.P. Brothers and Sisters
dawg,


----------



## Dragynfyr

I've never cried like this over a thread on this site before. I wish there was something I could say to all of you who have lost, but all I can offer is a sincere Thank You, I hope your words have an impact on a friend of mine or two

I'm at a loss of words here guys... The number of heroin and opiate related OD's and suicides scares the shit out of me. I'm not an abuser myself (on any regular basis at least) but have a friend who I swear to god I am going to force to read through this thread, like I just forced myself to do. 

I've found myself recently on the brink with a 2c-e trip. 15 mg up the shnozz. I inhaled too deeply and the powder hit my lungs like burning embers. It felt as if they had shot directly into my heart from within my lungs, and the chest pain that persisted throughout my trip left me staring at the realization that I have done some damage to my heart over the years. (Although I felt no fear of this realization at the time, I was ready to die as far as I was concerned. I've never felt that realistically close to fucking up and killing myself before...on accident that is =\).


Right next to prozac now, I place heroin and friends, as leading to the most drug related suicides.... A class action against the assholes who marketed that shit to kids really needs to pick up soon, before it's too late. Someone needs to pay for all the lives lost to that 'medication'


Sorry for getting off track.. long night... this thread really caught me off guard...  you guys, everyone stay safe

~Peace


----------



## KompelZ

Damn, this thread is so sad. Really bought a tear to my eye scrolling through the pages. 
Karly Borg- close friend of mine, died in a car accident; possibly drug related. We never really found out. Lots of love xxx
My cousins Brett and Jason, both died of suicide after complications with depression, financial issues and drugs. Still think about them everyday and I know they're up there somewhere still thinking about us.
My auntie Nicole. Died of an overdose when I was only a couple of months old. I know she's my angel looking after me and has been all my life. 
*RIP*


----------



## bow-viper1

Chaos23 said:
			
		

> and I do view his actions as completely selfish.  His family was completely LEVELED by this.  His parents were good people who tried their best to raise him right.


And telling someone they should live when they have put thought into it, and come to the decision that they'd rather die, that isn't selfish? Making a decision about what someone does to their own body for them?

I'd imagine you'd have to be for the drug war then, too. Right?

You don't get a choice whether or not you want to come into this world, but you should certainly respect someone enough who wants out to be able make that decision on their own.

The parents didn't have a child FOR the child. They had the child for their ego. People have children to feed their ego by creating someone who will love them, respect them, admire them, and care for them when they are old. It's also about having power over something, and carrying on your name and genes.

Of course some of those desires are chemically and physically induced naturally, but most people don't truly think this deeply about WHY they want children.

My point is, that I suppose suicide is selfish, but no more so than having the child in the first place.


----------



## Pillthrill

I'm lucky that I have never had anyone close to me die from drugs or suicide...I pray that it lasts.


----------



## mandagirl3102

Billy G. 4/4/99 Hung himself in his room after a coming down off too much coke.
Jen C. 3/01 OD'd on heroin.
 RIP


----------



## Lysis

I loved you Robert.  This is EPiC from hack3r.com, my love, my life, my soulmate.  Oxy + Ambien/Xanax (not sure which one, but we're sure it is one of them).  Beautiful mind and beautiful person.


----------



## zombiesarepeaceful

I posted my grandma's pic earlier...and people may have thought it wasn't drug related. But upon searching her apartment further we found several bottles of vodka, rum, brandy...I knew me and her drank time to time, but I never knew and never will know the extent of the influence alcohol had on her. Maybe this impacted her depression in the final days? And I was drinking with her, because it was the only time I came around anymore, to leech booze. So she drank herself into a stupor. Or did she? After all...I did find her passed out in the bathroom. asdfsd7fs86wr 87iukjsfd


----------



## drug_wench

^dont keep tormenting urself with it ZAP - stop feeling guilty
i know thats easy for me to say, but i hate seeing u beat urself up over evrything all the time
its happened now, no matter why
oneday uve got to lay it to rest, with her
i believe shes at peace


----------



## zombiesarepeaceful

^That's what I suppose anybody would say. heh...it won't lay to rest until I do. it'll be the end of me. I guess I beat myself up over everything by nature, I feel too much. Most assume it's a show, but it's not..I guess I shouldn't care  though. if nothign else matters why should it matter what BL thinks. fuck it all.


----------



## drug_wench

^yea, i tend to beat myself up too - i guess thats why i hate seeing u do it!
of course it matters wat we think - most of us here care very much about u, ur a valuable member of our community
and 'nothing else matters' is just a stupid not-heavy-enough song


----------



## zombiesarepeaceful

too bad I feel too fucking guilty when I bitch. why should I care, when reality is fake. sorry. carry on with the topic. this ain't it.


----------



## Submarine

I overdosed on heroin around Christmas off of my addict friend's cotton.  My girlfriend brought me back to life with CPR, supposedly I stopped breathing and my face turned purple for a good minute, minute and a half.  She kept giving me CPR until eventually I took in a giant gasp of air as if I had just come up from underwater.  For the next couple of hours I was fading in and out of consciousness uncontrollably.  They got me some McDonald's and tried to make me eat, but I would take one bite before nodding out again.  I hardly remember it at all, but my girlfriend took a few weeks to get over it and was having nightmares about it.


----------



## jam uh weezy

Ryan T*.*
09/22/85 - 07-23-05
Killed by drunk driver.

We weren't even extremely close, but he was one of the most genuine, good spirited people I've ever met.


----------



## Kingofmean

I dont have any pics,but their names are Wayman Daniels 36-dead from an overdose of Oxycontin...And last night one of my friends James Clifton died from an overdose of Oxycontin..Fckin sucks...


----------



## Ringfinger

GanjaBabe said:
			
		

> 5-7-1989 - 8-29-06
> My best friend, Brittany.
> She shot herself after having an encounter with police while coming down off of her first roll.
> 
> RIP




WHAT?! what was in her roll?


----------



## Chaos23

This thread just keep growing and growing.  It is really unfortunate.  i have lost a LOT of people, and I know what you are all experiencing.  Just know that time is the great alleviator of all things.  Life is full of suffering.  It is how we deal with this suffering and move forward with our lives that really counts.

Seriously...  I hope you all find peace in turbulent times.  if anyone needs anything feel free to contact me.


----------



## KingConvenience

This thread makes me feel guilty since have tried to deliberately kill myself with drugs numerous times (clinically dead twice but got revived), should have my picture up there but for some reason and alive and typing. It really does make you think about it. 

I guess the only person I know was my uncle who we think had a heroin problem, got off it but was unemployed, divorced and I guess he just couldn't find his was again so he shot himself. 

He must've realised he wanted to end his life long before since he visited us which wasn't that common and took my brother and I down to get rasberry sodas at the corner cafe on a nice Spring day near the beach. I guess the whole time he knew that it was a final goodbye. 

He was such a good man that he didn't even want to bother other people with his problems. 



oh shit i'm nearly crying


----------



## edarrin

Bob K. 1976 : ran into a parked car on a snowmobile (up here in  Canada)    while high on Alcohol and cannabis

Mike S. 1979 : stagered in front of a car while hitch-hiking while high on alcohol and canabis

Ralph M. 1986: they say he jumped in front of a car after going to a pink floyd concert the night before with me  and getting high as hell on alcohol, cannabis and bennies (amphetamines)


----------



## bromance

Allen, overdosed on heroin in 2007. 
This is the saddest and most amazing picture of you.  I'll always miss you.


----------



## Baker

Thankyou everyone for posting this thread. It actually made me cry, seeing how much everyone cares about their lost friends. Having recently gone through a suicidal patch and returning to oxycodone in my vulnerability to deal. After the patch has subsided, I decided I want to quit again, tried to go clean today, but took half my normal dose to deal with withdrawals, once the sweats and anxiety led me to pull out my stash. Then I read this thread and sobbed thinking about how bad I would make my friends, family and partner feel if I was no longer with them anymore.
I hope I can get through this year and finish uni, without failing... that's all I ask

Thanks again

Baker


----------



## Junglefever1901

I don't want to post a pic of him but I know a boy who died whilst on ketamin. Was very sad .


----------



## NeoMeeko

Jeremy aka Blu with his fiancee Rebbecca. True cause of death is unknown, but he died in his sleep with a very high amount of opiates in his system.


----------



## Lysis

I'd like to see this thread survive the purge, if it's at all possible.


----------



## fluxy

I have lost so many fucking friends.  It makes me sick.  

RIP Ryan B....  and fuck you for killing yourself. selfish

exactly my thoughts,  to you brad .  so many years but you were my brother man,  you were supposed to be with me in this life.  you had so many friends and family and were such a champ, why did you have to go and do it?  its hard to forgive,  and impossible to forget.


----------



## ShroomBoom321

don't have and pictures of my great grandpa, (dads side). Anyways he died of alcohol poising many, many, years ago....RIP great grandpa!


----------



## panic in paradise

hiya folks.

with all due respect, i am and have been deleting the last names from posts, i really hope no one is offended but, i just want to keep this as safe as possible.


----------



## the_ketaman

Zac 1989-2008Supposed ecstacy OD
Eric A- 198x-2009(a week ago  ) Drink driving accident
Kelly C(my cousin) 1980-2008- Heroin overdose

I havent known many to die from drugs but I hope this is all I even know in my life to OD or die from drugs.


----------



## Miss Hollywood

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost love ones.

This thread really is a reality check for many of us fellow drug users.

I hope I'm not in this thread someday. Afterall, I am currently struggling with heroin addiction.

My condolences to all of you.


----------



## *Love*Lite*

This is the most sobering thread I have ever come across.  So sorry for everyone's lost loved ones.  My heart is saddened by the overwhelming amount of young people cut down in their prime.  I will never again be able to touch opiates without seeing those faces in my mind. *tears*


----------



## claire22

My father. A 15 yr heroin addiction & excessive marijuana habit drove him to insanity. Then one day he snapped.
I would post a picture but I don't feel comfortable doing so.
Rest In Peace V.K.L-B


----------



## n3ophy7e

This thread has me in tears. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses


----------



## Fjones

This is the saddest thread I have seen on here.  Seeing all these names and pictures of so many young people made me cry.


----------



## LivingInTheMoment

This is the most realistic thread, where drugs are not glorrified!
I felt goosebumps all the way through reading these! What a waste of life!

Whoever brought this thread out of its grave yard to present day, congratulations and thank you!


----------



## ducechute

my brother is bipolar and slit his wrists while on massive amounts of cocaine. Also popped all of his depakote as well. Apparently the coke and depokate had some weird reaction. Rushed to hospital and was saved with "charcol". He is an alcoholic and is currently in rehab.


----------



## An Iz

> Originally Posted by GanjaBabe
> 
> 5-7-1989 - 8-29-06
> My best friend, Brittany.
> She shot herself after having an encounter with police while coming down off of her first roll.
> 
> RIP



Well heres the one I empathize with the best.  If I understand, it isn't the come down but having a bad trip on something like ecstasy or methylone, I have never ever EVER imagined the world could look so black.    I think you gotta have an encounter with something really really fucked up and it turns perfect euphoria into the perfect storm of guilt and worthlessness.

Dust to dust.


----------



## iheartidaho

Uriah L. 24...went into rehab, turned away until they could get authorization from his insurance and a bed in detox...while walking to the car with his grandmother he kissed her on the cheek, told her he loved her and walked into traffic. He died 2 days later from his injuries.

There is not a day that goes by that he doesnt come to mind...I miss him...he has no pain, no heartache....R.I.P Uriah!!!


----------



## PrettyPillows

Janice H
October 2 1990-june 1 2006
She was drinking with a few other girls in a car. The driver over corrected and rolled into a creek. Janice was trying to get out of the car when it rolled over on her. I think she probably drowned. She was only 16.


----------



## Unknown

Debbie: April 28, 1986 - March 30, 2009 from a heroin overdose. Her body was dumped and set on fire. She had to be identified with dental records.

Her use was a secret. I love you, and definitely missed 





Me and her sitting outside her friends porch in 2003. Everything about her death (especially being set on fire) is the worse way for her to die. She was typically used by guys, and they didn't give a shit about her. This is how she died, alone and used...

(now im crying  )


----------



## Unknown

Ioanna: 1986 - December 18, 2008

I knew this girl since high school. She never touched drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. A few years after, she would take anything just to feel different. The night of Dec. 18th, she went out to the bar, and left early. She was reported missing a day after. The police searched her house, and discovered her body in the basement, with a scarf wrapped around her neck. She had benzos and alcohol in her system, and was reported to be extremely depressed that night while under the influence. I love you girl!





She's the one on the left.


----------



## Eight0Eight

Psychlone Jack said:


> My friend Jason J. who died in October.  (I don't know who the girl in the pic is)
> 
> He was badly addicted to heroin and as a result of the accompanying depression he shot himself in the head.
> 
> He was 19.
> 
> RIP



I find posts like this one especially tragic.

No one that young should be dealing with H addiction - I can't even imagine dealing with my habit when I was that age.


----------



## jamaica0535

I do not know if i should post her picture. 

Victoria was a beautiful blond cheerleader, scored 780 out of 800 on the math portion of the SATs, had good enough grades to attend an excellent university, popular, and generally one of those people you meet and think "She is perfect", i did not know her well but i attended her funeral because i felt like i should pay my respects to someone who had more potential to do wonderful things than anyone i have ever met. 

The only thing about it was, she was an oxy user and the night she died had also been drinking, she lost control of the car and rolled it while not wearing a seat belt. It was 2 days after christmas, end of the first semester of her senior year. Her funeral was on New Years Eve. 

The strange thing about it was, her favorite number had been 52 (she was a numbers person) from what i hear she saw it as a symbol for change and new beginnings. The day she died was on the 52 week of the year. 

Over 1000 people, including myself attended the funeral. 

Another odd thing about it is that not a lot of people knew she did drugs, which made the stories around her death vary by how they knew her. It seemed like most of the drug users knew it about her but none of us ever really told anyone. When i heard about it i was told not to speak of it to anyone. She was a closet druggy. 

I remember the morning i heard about it, my little sister woke me up at like 7am and said "guess who died?" and i told her i didn't know and she told me what had happened. I had to call a friend of mine to give him the news, the sad part about that was he was in boston visiting his uncle who died of cancer like a day later....


----------



## OpiodSlave

This thread...makes me wanna kick the opiods...real bad...but at this point, Im not even sure if I can dude...

I can feel al lthe pain on this thread...Im literaly shedding a tear, something I never done from a online thread but this one...just cut so fucking deep for me...so deep. Me and all my friends are drugees too the fullest but non of us (thank god) died. I guess I'd be the closest, I O'DD 3 months ago on xanx and Oxymorphone...god I hope you guys arent saying goodbye too me or any of my friends on here one day...and Im so so sorry too those of you that have...


----------



## Smyth

the honeys above a few posts dont look like the type you would think would want to end their lives.


----------



## kroozer_*

This is very sobering. I sure do hope there is a better place for those that pass on. I have attempted suicide but thank god did not work(via benzo+alcohol) Now i see friends/family and others dying on a massive scale. 

I will post a pic of my friend soon as i can reach his family. RIP to all unfortunate people out there.  

Why can't there be education in schools that tell the truth and reality of these topics instead of fear mongering and intimidation about drugs? That makes some people want to try more shit they never even heard of.


----------



## Alchemist

BL member who went by a few names....Bleek...Stamina walks...Savage Henry
My best friend 
1978-2006...died from a heroin/fentanyl overdose.
Was really sad.  His brother found him dead in his room and called my house because he knew we were together that night.  Well luckily he did because I OD'd as well and was close to death and was rushed to the ER.  Was out cold for 3 days and didn't even get to be at his funeral.

Fats 1978-2007....Died from a fentanyl/hydrocodone overdose.


----------



## lostNfound

Wow, I just finished reading through every post in here.

A sad thread indeed.

So shocking.

More than anything. what stood out to me is the amount of deaths listed that were the result of legally available prescription drugs, not to say these people had scripts but just something to think about.

It seems all the meds listed like xanax, ambien, valium, hrdrocodone, oxies etc seem to be the biggest culprits.


----------



## jackie jones

This is a beautiful and deep thread.

Rest easy, all.


----------



## rstar84

Melissa K. P.

Sadly missed.


----------



## Misanthropic

RIP Amanda W. -complications from mdma, she rolled every week for the past year, also people at party didnt call an ambulance. she went an hour without oxygen and died in the hospital. There are pictures of her actually at the hospital but they are so graphic i wouldnt want to post them here.







RIP Jason S- old buddy of mine, heroin.


----------



## littlethings533

RIP Carolyn D. ~ AKA My Car-row-lynn, Carol Ann, etc.
9/9/1984 - 7/11/2003
Heroin Overdose

You will always be loved and missed.

RIP Bernie C. ~ AKA Bern Ball
7/11/1984 - 10/28/2006

You will also always be loved and missed.

~"Do not stand at my grave and weep" By Mary Elizabeth Frye~

"Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die."

Condolences and sympathy go out to all those who posted in this thread. Much love.


----------



## dentuk

rest in peace


----------



## bingey

Unknown said:


> Debbie: April 28, 1986 - March 30, 2009 from a heroin overdose. Her body was dumped and set on fire. She had to be identified with dental records.
> 
> Her use was a secret. I love you, and definitely missed
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Me and her sitting outside her friends porch in 2003. Everything about her death (especially being set on fire) is the worse way for her to die. She was typically used by guys, and they didn't give a shit about her. This is how she died, alone and used...
> 
> (now im crying  )



terrible man , can't imagine how the parents must have taken this


----------



## rollinrollinrollin

damn dude i'm sorry.


----------



## Dragynfyr

This thread is gonna lead my passive ass to punch someone right in the fuckin face 


Someone that really needs it at least


dude, everytime you get on opiates you turn into a complete asshole

-man, everytime i get on opiates you get on that 'every time you get on opiates' thing



wise man once said =\


----------



## Khadijah

April 24 1985
August 1 2009


----------



## 65daysofstatic

Quite a saddening topic to read, particularly on a sunday where I'm feeling low as it is!

I know a few young people I went to school with who've died from drugs but I won't post pictures because I'm not sure if there families would be happy about it.

I just hope I don't end up on a topic like this, I've come close so many times.


----------



## Sundaytripper

Dragynfyr said:


> I've never cried like this over a thread on this site before. I wish there was something I could say to all of you who have lost, but all I can offer is a sincere Thank You



I shed alot of tears reading the pages of this thread.
i didnt realize how many people lost soooo many to drug related causes..
im literally torn at this point, i cant imagine looseing my best friend.
but yes thank you for posting cause im sure it is truely hard.

Cassidy
died this year at the age of 39, had two kids and a beautiful wife.
RIP bro, i will never forget the times i got to share with you, i think about you all the time.




had alot of dui's got around on a bicycle. riding home from the bar he was involved in a car accident. didnt make it


----------



## BaybeX

*Uncle Carl*: Died at age 44 after a long LONG addiction to Heroin.  
Also had type 1 diabetes.  He dosed insulin earlier in the night, fell asleep, woke up and redosed which threw him into shock.  That's what my family said anyway- I know he was using at this time and had been since he was 16.. Miss him so much.

*Uncle Chris*: Died at age 39 due to complications with HIV. 
Also a heroin addict.. shared needles = HIV contraction.  He went through a horribly long and drawn out death.. he was hooked up to life support for way too long but no one would pull the plug on him.  He and my dad had made a pact to 'end it' if it ever got to that point so my dad did it.  

Both uncles were on my dad's side (his brothers) and died about a year apart.

RIP


----------



## XTc_for_me

rip danny w. stumbled in front of a car walking down the road, while drunk. very talented and will be missed


----------



## powerranger

It looks like no one has posted on this thread for a long time, and I was just directed to it, so I thought I'd contribute.

I don't even know the date, I think it was 2007 or early 2008.

I wish I had a picture of my kind of friend J.  We hung out about 12 times throughout college, he was a friend of a friend.  He lived like 70 miles away, but there were a few times when my roomate and I went to stay at his house for a weekend.  He really like Xanax and alcohol and weed.  That's all we thought he was into, and occaisionally coke and opiates, but not often.

Then last year I got an email saying police found him dead in front of his Xbox with 3 syringes lined up loaded w/ morphine, and one in his arm partially depressed.  No one knows what he was thinking.  With his knowledge of substances, he should have known how much more powerful IV morphine is than oral.  But no one will even know.  He was my friends' best friend since elementary school.  It absolutely devestated him.  Someone who you think only very rarely messes with opiates, and all of a sudden you discover he's been injecting morphine, OC, H for months??  And enough to OD and die?  He was such a fun guy.  What a horrible way for his parents and sister to find him, all blue and stiff with syringes lined up in front of him.

RIP J.  You were one of the most fun people I ever met.  We had so many great stories.  He always brought spliffs with when he visited so he could smoke us out.  But then after our shenannigans, he would get up early and clean up.  Damn he was a nice guy.  He didn't deserve to leave that way.  It reminds me of Layne Staley.  Once you've fallen into the needle trap, the only option is treatment or death.


----------



## Falls In ward

RIP buddy...you helped me through many a bad trip. 
Christian H. - Overdose, pretty sure it was on heroin or oxy





RIP Dad! I love you with all my heart...
Suicide - Heavy drug user, ended it when he thought he was going to jail.


----------



## RedRum OG

Roger32 said:


> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



wtf is wrong with you seriously. this is not what people who have lost someone close to themselves need to hear.


----------



## powerranger

Falls In ward said:


> RIP buddy...you helped me through many a bad trip.
> Christian H. - Overdose, pretty sure it was on heroin or oxy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RIP Dad! I love you with all my heart...
> Suicide - Heavy drug user, ended it when he thought he was going to jail.



Looks like a nice family.  I'm truly sad you lost your dad that way.


----------



## ladyinthesky

Tyler died of an over dose 2 years ago on Sept 22 2007. he was found on the floor with foam coming out of his mouth. he had been mixing cocaine and oxycontin the day before, or thats what i was told
not a day goes by that i dont think of him, he always told me watch "what you do, have fun, don't over do it and if you need to drive somewhere call me."
he took care of me when I needed someone the most and he will forever be in my heart 
i miss him so much
RIP TK 
i love you


----------



## the black sun

thank you for this thread, its really touched me in a place that i haven't fealt in a long time. i havent had anybody i know who is close to me die from any drugs. i just wanted to say r.i.p to all who have died from drugs and sorry to the people who have had to experiance these deaths.


----------



## spork

Chris: died of an overdose of oxycontin, oxymorphone, and methadone on August 31, 2009


----------



## Bloodheart

Justin S. Fentanyl Overdose.  He was only 15.


----------



## f0ssil

*sigh*

i accidentally stumbled upon this thread... but i guess i'll put in mine as well. no picture though... only a post in memoriam.

r.i.p. brother 12/4/1980-9/24/2006

his girlfriend of a few years had hung herself mysteriously one night, he never got over it internally but it seemed like to all of us he did, one night i get a call that he hung himself in his garage with pictures of her lying around and booze bottles scattered. i miss ya bro.


----------



## Kenickie

because i was thinking about you today, old friend...Martynas, 1-15-1988 to 2-14-2008. why did some punk ass kids think it was cool TO POISON YOU FOR DRUGS? no way such a gangster should have gone out because of rat poison...

i miss you. you were so cute when we first met. didnt speak any english and listened to shitty music. and then you blossomed into tripp fontaine ala virgin suicides and we drifted. i'm still down with you man.


----------



## badandwicked

^ he was beautiful


----------



## wreckless2009

*sad*



spork said:


> Chris: died of an overdose of oxycontin, oxymorphone, and methadone on August 31, 2009




this was very recent, what happened? can u tell me about his life, i am really interested


----------



## Captaindammit

My brother who died from a methadone OD.


----------



## wreckless2009

Captaindammit said:


> My brother who died from a methadone OD.



life is so weird eh, especially when u lose someone close to u, it makes like worthless, but let me tell u something there is a hereafter, a life after this life, but u must follow god's rules, this is why unlike other animals we got rationale and logic and therefore know right from wrong. be good in life, be good to people, your brother was a sign from god to u, feel blessed as opposed to depressed. " god's signs are all over, but only for those who take the time to realize." wish u and your family strength and a better life, i felt like he was my brother.


----------



## Falls In ward

Thanks for your words powerranger. 

What a sad thread...so many relatives and friends lost. 

Missing/loving those lost.....


----------



## Hendrix Haze15

RIP Mark - methadone+xanax overdose

RIP Dennis - heroin overdose

RIP Brad - Suicide. Suffered from alcoholism and depression his whole life and finally couldn't take it anymore. His body was found in the bathroom of his favorite mexican restaurant, with a bag taped shut over his head. I can't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind those last final moments as he taped the bag shut.


----------



## DragTheDevil187

God i thought i was a "tough guy" but this is the only time i have cried from online posts....RIP to all and especially you Tim...Tim you were like my brother in every way, almost. RIP buddy


----------



## menosel

Misanthropic said:


> RIP Amanda W. -complications from mdma, she rolled every week for the past year, also people at party didnt call an ambulance. she went an hour without oxygen and died in the hospital. There are pictures of her actually at the hospital but they are so graphic i wouldnt want to post them here.



wow was not expecting to see that picture

i knew amanda 

 RIP


----------



## AfterGlow

What a shame.  She's gorgeous!


----------



## Perpetual Indulgence

yeah beautiful people die too


----------



## AfterGlow

you're not dead!


----------



## Clinthumpdz

*Joey Bransford Johnson*

May 28, of 2009 my best friend Joey Johnson OD'd from Fentanyl....27 years old...Don't play with this shit it is not meant to shoot! He had scoliosis and was prescribed and on fentanyl for a couple of years so his tolerancy was ski high..(no pun intended) Don't fuck w/ this drug take as prescribed! RIP ...my heart goes out to you all..5 months clean Joey! I did it ..Miss ya bro








[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## Clinthumpdz

so sorry lacey ......RIP


----------



## socalthizzn

joe g - heroin od
sean ob - anurism due to drug use (so i was told)
dawnelle j - seroquil/heroin od 
LA - fentynal od (like sum1 else said that shit aint for slamming is deff right)
BJ m - hit a tree drunk driving i was 14 first friend i ever saw in a coffin cried for the whole memorial 

1 more kid i never knew his name but he went down beside me at ravers ranch, i helped load him in the bed of a truck. they asked me to check his pulse just as the driver was getting back in the truck but there was none. whoever u were man i can never forget u. ur in my life forever i c ur face all time.


----------



## totach

guys please evreyone try to make sure this thread doesnt die pls


----------



## Surrealist-

Christine... Suicide to cope with addiction.






It's been many years and you were so young. I wish you didn't do it but I do know you found the peace you craved so much. Remember when we wrestled and you bit my hand? Haha you were always a cheap wrestler. I'll never forget me pulling my fist out of your mouth and half your front tooth coming flying out with it. You were so embarrased!

On my bedside table still sits the hospital bracelet they put on you before you died. 

Sweetheart I miss you, I'm just hoping you can't see me now. Please don't look.

RIP Christine. O


----------



## love2party

Jason H. 198x-2008  

poly drug overdose.  Took multiple types of drugs at a party and was found dead in the morning.


----------



## HofmannBlotter

Shanna D. 03/04/1987-17/02/2009 : Suicide on Mushroom trip (Thrown over a bridge)
You missed me so much Shanny :'(


----------



## Captaindammit

R.I.P Tanner


died from a heroin overdose Jan 7, 2010.


----------



## StaffWriter

Philip S. Died of a Fentanyl overdose in March of 07.
We miss you.
SW


----------



## HofmannBlotter

RIP to all people who died of drug(s) abuse :'(

You watch us all from paradise


----------



## lightsabersteez

Rest in Peace to my best friend growing up, Justin Dane Wright. He died July 22, 2006 at the age of 19 from a Fentanyl overdose. Unfortunately any pictures I have of him are not in a digital format, nor do I find that it would do any good to take the time to have them scanned. The thought just makes me even more sad. I honestly can say that I feel like maybe, just maybe, if I could have been a better friend he just might still be here.


----------



## drewskie

pennywise said:


> while you have my condolences, how is getting eaten by a shark considered drug related?



show some respect in this thread please. regardless of how some left this world, they still left and this thread is here to remember them. may all of our lost ones rest in peace and may we always remember the good times.


----------



## Lifeandtimes

Surrealist- said:


> Christine... Suicide to cope with addiction.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's been many years and you were so young. I wish you didn't do it but I do know you found the peace you craved so much. Remember when we wrestled and you bit my hand? Haha you were always a cheap wrestler. I'll never forget me pulling my fist out of your mouth and half your front tooth coming flying out with it. You were so embarrased!
> 
> On my bedside table still sits the hospital bracelet they put on you before you died.
> 
> Sweetheart I miss you, I'm just hoping you can't see me now. Please don't look.
> 
> RIP Christine. O




I was just overwhelmed when i saw her picture. She seemed so happy in that pic, very pretty and full of life. What happened? what was her story? What drove her to suicide? Sorry for the questions, i suddenly became overwhelmed with grief and attached with her picture, and usually im not this emotional.


----------



## lightsabersteez

This is in memorial to my friend Asher Edgerton Austin. 





May 20th, 1983 - June 7th, 2009

He struggled for a very long time with a very bad heroin addiction. Id seen him in his real ups when he was happy working in a bakery and going back to school and in his real downs when I had to revive him in the parking lot in front of my house while waiting on emergency assistance. He was a real original, an amazing artist and musician and overall an amazing person and friend. 

Last year he celebrated his 26th birthday on the 20th of May. Three days later on the 23rd of May he graduated after tons of hard work with his Bachelors degree. He passed away a mere two weeks later from an overdose of heroin. 

I miss talking to you and I miss your awesome flaming giraffe tattoo. We all miss you very much, Asher. Hope you finally found some peace..


----------



## Lifeandtimes

lightsabersteez said:


> This is in memorial to my friend Asher Edgerton Austin.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> May 20th, 1983 - June 7th, 2009
> 
> He struggled for a very long time with a very bad heroin addiction. Id seen him in his real ups when he was happy working in a bakery and going back to school and in his real downs when I had to revive him in the parking lot in front of my house while waiting on emergency assistance. He was a real original, an amazing artist and musician and overall an amazing person and friend.
> 
> Last year he celebrated his 26th birthday on the 20th of May. Three days later on the 23rd of May he graduated after tons of hard work with his Bachelors degree. He passed away a mere two weeks later from an overdose of heroin.
> 
> I miss talking to you and I miss your awesome flaming giraffe tattoo. We all miss you very much, Asher. Hope you finally found some peace..



he was my age, i was born a month after him. very sad.


----------



## lazylazyjoe

Jen.  Suicide due to depression/addiction.  
I loved you very much, more than you knew.  You were the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out.  Been over two years and still I think about you every day. I'm sorry for everything that happened.  I feel like I could have been a better friend to you.  I let my addiction affect how I treated you.   

We all still love you.  I hope you found peace!
p.s. Take care of Shiloh, Danu + Sharon.


----------



## Coolfonz

I'm an older guy, 45, I had a heart attack six years ago, smoked weed for England as we say here. Lucky I had it in a small village when the doctor was open, 12 hours earlier and i'd be dead. 

It's so sad to see so many young people dying, so many from heroin and so many in the US.

There are ways out. Knowledge and politics, the shit things in your life often are the fault of the state, of power, don't take it out on yourself.

These kids on smack are dying because of the criminalisation of the drug, they are being killed by political policy all over the world.


----------



## TouchN' Stuff Blvd

RIP all you guys and gals


----------



## zekethemusicman

My respect to those that are gone.  

For most, this thread should serve as a wake up call that we all need to do as much as we can for the sake of harm reduction.  So many overdoses.  Makes me sick.  Whats worse is that ive done some of the things that have made some of our lost ones overdose.  

T


----------



## Htownkilla

RIP to all. Although sad this thread hopefully helps lives of others


----------



## Mr_Fluffykins

wow, this is torture to read,


----------



## rikkitikkitavi

Wow...this keeps it real....RIP all.....may you find peace


----------



## yucatanboy2

RIP to all, and condolances to all who have lost family and loved ones 

A good friend of the family died two summers ago.  She was in her late 40's, maybe 50, I can't remember, and I don't want to think about her too much because it hurts.  Her children are a bit younger than me.  She died from Hepatitis C.  She didn't know she had it until a few years earlier, even though she hadn't used needles since she was in her 20's.   She partied like crazy back then, according to my parents, but was always a wonderful and loving person, like when I knew her.  Its crazy how long the disease was dormant, and then just jumped up and her liver started failing (had to get a transplant, radiotherapy, chemotherapy, so much pain  ).  I saw her the day before she died in the night.  I got there with my dad just after she had lost consciousness.  She was struggling/coughing/fighting... dying.  She died that night.  Her poor family 

I don't have a photo to post... 

I also saw my aunt die from pancreatic cancer, she had been a heavy user of alcohol and had been using morphine quite a bit.  She had also lost her spleen, so I don't think you could directly relate her death to drugs.

Ah crap now i'm crying.   I miss both of them so much.

My fiancee knows some people who have died, and I will have her post them later, but they died from Hep C and HIV or Overdoses due to needle usage (Heroin)


----------



## trainwreckmolly

what makes me really sad is there are just as many, if not more, suicides than overdoses that people are posting about on here.  suicide is much more preventable than an overdose.  i know it can be hard to do so but people just need to reach out and get help when they really need it.  I'm one of the lucky ones to not have lost anyone close to me from a drug related overdose or suicide.  I hope that's something I never have to go through.  If ANY of you are having suicidal thoughts, feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.


----------



## Pillthrill

so many beautiful young people  
And I believe suicide is just as legit as anything else!

Does anyone know someone that died of a seizure while on drugs? Just curious.

May this remind us all that we take our lives in our own hands. We are not as immortal as we seem to think we are.


----------



## di.ACE.tyl.rob

RIP Nicholas Z. - Kearny NJ - 1980 - Dec. 24, 2009

Nick was struggling with heroin addiction for quite a few years. He was the most charismatic person I've probably ever know, reminiscent of Pres. Obama or somethin', such a profound public speaker. Nick OD'd Dec. 1st at 9 in the morning, his father found him and revived him. Nick then OD'd 12 hours later that same day. At this point Nick decided to enter a 21-day rehab program at Bergen Regional in Paramus, NJ. He completed with flying colors & was released on Dec. 22nd 2009. However, two days later Nick suffered a final fatal overdose and was found by his father sometime in the night. He passed away on Christmas Eve 2009. 

You'll be missed

Obituary: http://obits.nj.com/obituaries/star...=nicholas-william-aloysius-zuza&pid=137772720


----------



## Khadijah

drewskie said:
			
		

> pennywise said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> while you have my condolences, how is getting eaten by a shark considered drug related?
> 
> 
> 
> show some respect in this thread please. regardless of how some left this world, they still left and this thread is here to remember them.
Click to expand...


Uh, no, it aint. its here to remember people who died from DRUGS, thats why the title is post pictures of those who died from drugs. This thread aint here "to remember our friends regardless of how they died." You are wrong to say that. its a memorial to those who died from addictions, overdoses, and other drug related fatalities, period. Too many ppl who meet their death at the hands of a drug get forgotten and over shadowed by the rest of the ppl who die in "normal" ways, in real life, so At least let this thread give them their proper respects. To post "RIP"s about any and everybody you knew who died, regardless of if it was from drugs or not, takes away from that. Show some respect and keep it for those who died from drugs to be remembered, lets please not forget why this thread is really here.



Anyways.....I still think of you all the time steve, you poor mutha fucka....I cant help but feel bad , still. Some shit just aint fair.


----------



## Detrevni

^Amen.  Where drugs are so taboo, "normal" society often overlooks and might even think those that died related to drugs had it coming.  I definitely give my condolences to the others posted here that weren't drug related but I agree we should keep this thread on topic for the respect of our fallen comrades.  Hopefully this thread won't have any new posts for a long long time to come but that's probably a pipe dream.  Just remember everyone that those pictures of the guys that looks so similar to you, could be you if you make a stupid mistake.  Stay safe.


----------



## Detrevni

^Amen.  Where drugs are so taboo, "normal" society often overlooks and might even think those that died related to drugs had it coming.  I definitely give my condolences to the others posted here that weren't drug related but I agree we should keep this thread on topic for the respect of our fallen comrades.  Hopefully this thread won't have any new posts for a long long time to come but that's probably a pipe dream.  Just remember everyone that those pictures of the guys that looks so similar to you, could be you if you make a stupid mistake.  Stay safe.


----------



## shroomNick

1894 - 1963
RIP


----------



## Opicid

I know this site saves many lives, but a few people sending me pms on this are dead now years later from overdose.


----------



## Wizzle

This thread reminds me to never take an opiate again. Fuck that shit.. Al those destroyed lives, RIP


----------



## ThePharmicist

*"Though the favorites of the gods die young, they also live eternally, in the company of gods."*

May all who have past on find peace. 

RIP Corey


----------



## Namhe

Omni said:


> While I wouldn't go so far as calling them cowards, I'm going to have to agree with you somewhat. There's always a way to pull out of a mess, even if you don't think there is. And there's always another option, you don't have to kill yourself.
> 
> Bad thread to say this in, but suicide is running away from your problems in the worst possible way. You leave behind loved ones that care about you and they will have to live with the fact that you killed yourself for the rest of their lives. Seems selfish to me. They should have sought out help or treatment.
> 
> Life is a gift.



Not always. Sometimes there truly is no way out. Everything depends on the situation. I fully understand why misplaced tribe members decided to commit mass suicide by hanging themselves. There was no way out. I fully understand why a girl, sexually abused since childhood by people she trusted, when put into a mental institution only to be further abused over and over, commits suicide. Sometimes there truly is no way out. Especially with depression. Our society does not give enough importance to mental health. People feel painfully alone.

But anyway. As far as help with addiction, I do agree that there is help available!


----------



## the bold one

to my childhood freind and dark days running partner  big joe c (died 28 jan 09, heroin)love you and miss you, you wont be forgotton hope you have found the peace you did not have in your short life...erik..........


----------



## the bold one

Roger32 said:


> All of these suicides are fucked up.  But I dont think that you can say they died from drugs.  They died at their own hands because they were too big of a coward to make the changes they needed to in life.  Not something that I feel comfortable saying, but I think it needed to be



ps roger... you are a cunt.


----------



## woamotive

This thread is terrifying. Makes me think-if I am lucky enough to wake up tomorrow I wish to (a God?) something that I am strong enough to not use again. I really wish that would fucking happen.


----------



## Cohesion

*Mama: Nov 19, 2003  *

Xanax / Codeine / Vicodin

That's what my family said the toxicology report indicated. 

Is there any way I can get that toxicology report? Who conducts them?

I don't feel comfortable about posting a picture of her.


----------



## lozgod

woamotive said:


> This thread is terrifying. Makes me think-if I am lucky enough to wake up tomorrow I wish to (a God?) something that I am strong enough to not use again. I really wish that would fucking happen.



You and me both. Tried reading this thread at work. Took everything i had not to let out tears. Brings on the reality my using effects others.


----------



## x0020779

My friend Justin died at the tender age of 17.  only 17.  He used heroin mostly, but died of a speedball OD [it was heroin and meth]. (no pic out of respect for his family, but I know he wouldn't mind)

I am an opiate addict, especially heroin.  It has been my drug of choice since the first day I ever took a drug besides caffeine. This thread made me think harder than I ever have about my addiction and how it affects people.  It makes me terribly sad to think I could die and leave my family with such a burden I can't even stand it.  I want to get clean SO BAD but it hard you know?? The withdrawals are the worst part, but even after that the mental addiction says, "Hey!!! do some drugs already!!" I can't be a statistic, God please help me be sober.

I'm so sad after reading this thread but I think it was beneficial for me to see the devastation opiates create.  It is possible to recover...or so i hear.  I'm doing my best.


----------



## HofmannBlotter

mami said:


> *Mama: Nov 19, 2003  *
> 
> Xanax / Codeine / Vicodin
> 
> That's what my family said the toxicology report indicated.
> 
> Is there any way I can get that toxicology report? Who conducts them?
> 
> I don't feel comfortable about posting a picture of her.



Whoa sorry to hear that  I'm really afraid too because my mother still use Xanax and Codeine a lot of time and Vicodin too since 8-10 years now :x

What a mess


----------



## laetoile

in 2006 in the midst of my meth addiction a friend who i hadn't seen in about a year (and had previously done meth with) called me out of the blue to see if i could get him a g.... i found him some really good, creeper shit and warned him to take it slow because it wouldn't hit you at first,and he hadn't done it in like a year so i wanted him to be careful. well i talked to him on the phone around 5 the next morning and could tell something was wrong... a few days later i had a missed call from his house and it was his mom. she told me he had died from asphyxia.... i try not to think about it but i think it's my fault still... i'm sorry chance... i should have called you back... or driven to where you were... but i was too worried about keeping myself high to be concerned....i'm so fuckin sorry man i hope you are at peace now wherever you are....


----------



## 33Hz

This thread makes me glad to have always passed on the offer of strong opiates, despite how tempted I have been to try them.


----------



## Nib

Online friend who I talked to for about 5 years on the right.  Heroin.  

His sister on the left, OD'd on Heroin about a year later.


----------



## the bold one

when is this going to end? another friend lost...rip samantha k  heroin/vodka/benzo od today.i feel so guilty and am close to a breakdown.a beautiful girl with severe problems,when we wher a couple it was me that introduced her to heroin in a lost attempt to stop her drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day.now shes gone leaving 2 beatifull kids and im partly responsible.........i dont think i can live with this guilt much longer..goodby sam,im so sorry. i never stopped loving you......


----------



## Nexius

...


----------



## Luude

This thread scares the shit out of me, reminiscing on the stupid things i did when i was younger i could very well have been another face in this thread.

RIP to all.


----------



## jachung

My condolences to everybody. This threat is nothing but an eye opener. Please people, be as safe as you can!!


----------



## Chaos23

Mitch L.






I HATE posting in this fucking thread!

Oh, and just because I miss my sister more than anything in the world I will post her picture again too.


----------



## moonyham

Damn this thread is too much. Im giving up drugs. Fuck it, im not gonna be like these people. It makes me so sad to see how many people here in this are my age or close to it, who have died, because of wanting to get high.

They all look so happy, just looking in there eyes and knowing.. that guys dead... hes gone.... such an emotional thing.


----------



## a2lambretta

Thank you everyone for your contributions. I was just going to IV Fentanyl, and decided not to. Thank you. It seems like I have a friend every summer that passes on due to some sort of OD. I miss them oh so much...


----------



## Rosencavelier

Very sad thread. So far only lost one friend to drugs: I just found out that an old school mate OD'd a couple years back. Probably hadn't talked to him for 12+ years, but it still hit hard. RIP Stuey P.

My parents, father in particular, lost a lot of mates due to drink driving.

[<snip> - RR]


----------



## MgmtBlue

@a2lambretta I'm glad you decided not to go through with it.  Please stay safe.

Back in high school I lost a friend to a heroin OD.  No one even knew he was using.  Very sad.

Last night a friend of mine came over.  He had been drinking all night and then asked me if he could have one of my percocets until he could get in with his doctor today for an injury he sustained on Saturday.  I am prescribed the meds for chronic pain and I have quit drinking altogether.  Besides the fact that I signed a pain contract and could be called in for a pill count at any time, I tried to explain to him that taking percocet after a night of drinking is quite dangerous, especially considering he has little to no tolerance.  I could tell he was angry with me and you know what, I don't care.  He'll get over it.  He's alive.  

Might sound a little dramatic to some, but the last thing I need is to lose my best friend of ten years.  

My condolences to everyone who has lost someone to drugs. xoxoxo


----------



## yucatanboy2

^ good for you! 

Condolences to all, be safe everyone.


----------



## Ixchellian

I've lost too many friends than I care to count, most to drug-related shite, and the rest due to the war.  And this is the only picture I have left of one that's gone before me.
He went through over 365 days of being in Iraq with me, yet booze is what got him only days after we got back.
RIP
SPC. Wilder


----------



## kevinc

Painkiller OD the night before his high schools Prom last week. My sis and I went to school with him for years, he was always different (awesome). Like a lot of us here haha.






I'm gonna delete this picture soon for his sake. 

Dad past away also from smoking cigarettes and the infamous cancer. I don't have the nads to post him up though.


----------



## ro4eva

I tried holding back tears but I couldn't.

So sad, such young and beautiful people gone forever.

I'm gonna pray harder ever night after seeing this thread.


----------



## tooroi

My aunty, OD'd on who knows what (my parents never told me), managed to set fire to her house with herself in it and burnt 90%+ of her body. She was in intensive care for 3 months then finally died of an infection.

just realised i was meant to post a pic - also realised i dont have one picture of her and cant even remember what she looked like... sad


----------



## DragonRider97

Lots of power in this Thread...  

Guess I'll give it a shot too:

My Dad, 1949-2005, dry Alcoholic, Heart Condition, Benzo Withdrawl, Hung Himself after promising me he wouldnt...

Barry C.  1969-1991, Drunk driving accident in college, killed a lady, went to prison got shanked, died after four weeks of hospitalization.

Tommy T.  1968-2003, Alcoholic Relapse, Shot himself in the head.

I would post some pics, but I can't even bear to look them up right now, crying too fuckin hard!

God I'm so glad I'm getting off of this shit...


----------



## kace

Such a sad but important post, RIP.


----------



## Lysis

Thank you BL for keeping this thread. It's been over 2 years since I posted my Robert's pic. I read it every once in a while and remind myself of where I was. I realize that I was so suicidal and couldn't get the pain in my heart to go away. Now, after a breakup with a BF, I feel like it's nothing compared to losing him. 

I also have this strange feeling seeing the images of others who have died from drugs. It's so hard to comprehend that someone is healthy and beautifully alive one minute and then the next they are gone. My  bleeds for others who have lost people to drugs.


----------



## Strapped420

RIP JIMMY "THE REV" SULLIVAN
died of oxymorphone,oxycodone,xanhax, and alchohol peacfully in his sleep. such a talented musician, and his life was cut short much to soon. i still cant get over his death. whats weird is he wrote a song 3 days before he died, basically preminising his death,  he says "I hope youll find your own way, when im not with you tonight"... 
















REST IN PIECE JIMMY,
foREVer​


----------



## a2lambretta

It seems like I have a friend that passes on every summer. Lately it seems like they were going to go sooner or later, but even so it's always a shock. I always feel that I could have done more.

I feel it's important to realize that when someone is very lost and wants go on from this life, maybe it can be celebrated in a way. Sometimes people never really find their way...


----------



## molly897

literally crying


----------



## tony314

I would be on this list, my fiance broke up with me and i was a junky, I pulled the trigger but the bullet didn't fire. It should have, it didn't get wet, it was a quality bullet. Bad primer I guess. my condolences to all. A year later im back with her and clean. 

To quote the killer, " It's not so bad, it's not so bad."


----------



## severely etarded

tony314 said:


> I would be on this list, my fiance broke up with me and i was a junky, I pulled the trigger but the bullet didn't fire. It should have, it didn't get wet, it was a quality bullet. Bad primer I guess. my condolences to all. A year later im back with her and clean.
> 
> To quote the killer, " It's not so bad, it's not so bad."



Friend of mine went to vietnam and an artillery shell landed in his tent in the middle of the night, through mud all over him. And he lived, because it didn't go off. What are the odds, huh? I guess it's not your time if it's not your time, right?


----------



## Ixchellian

I had an 80mm mortar shell land right next to my hooch on my last deployment.  It hit the hard dirt, bounced and the warhead just kinda broke apart.  we played with it for a while before it disappeared one day.

I heard it come in....  and it sounded like someone tearing a piece of paper fast.

And that wasn't the last one to do that near me.  lol


----------



## PendulumAM

David M - passed out on OxyContin and choked on his vomit in his sleep

I didn't know him for long but RIP


----------



## Eagleman

Tim M. -- heroin overdose, age 30.
Bill B. -- heroin overdose, age 31.
Brian M. -- seizure induced by methamphetamine and tramadol, caused drowning, age 28.

Miss you guys. 
-E


----------



## tramaqueen

My first love Anthony Martinez... 1971-2007
He died in 2007 complications from slamming heroin, he developed a massive abcess and eventually got septicimia. He chose not to get treated and die.
I dont have a picture of him and our time together.... but no need for a picture of him... I see his face on the face of our son...
I never got to tell him but somehow I think he knows
"Im so sorry I left babe, but  I couldnt take anymore I was gonna kill myself...and you didnt want to stop, couldnt stop...it must have been an angel guiding my steps away from from our lifestyle... because unbeknowst to me when I left you I was 3 weeks pregnant with our beautiful son...Im sorry"
May you rest in peace now sweetheart.


----------



## Dr migi

This thread is full of deep emotion... When I see all these sucide from heroin, Painkiller OD or car accident from booze it gets me very sad and angry, everyone of us probably say " yea yea im very carful on my use of drugs, im not a kiddie..." but with the time, it just take ONE mistake and you can pass out forever. 

Be more and more carful with this.

RIP everybody, I love you all.


----------



## skn

Dr migi said:


> but with the time, it just take ONE mistake and you can pass out forever.
> 
> Be more and more carful with this.
> 
> RIP everybody, I love you all.



yea well better to go in peace than with everyone annoyed by you, but if you cant control your addiction then by all means: help yourself


----------



## carrion Doll

This one is for Jason R. I did not know him myself, I am posting on behalf of my husband. Jason was one of his best friends growing up. We had all planned to get together with some other mutual friends but it did not happen before he fell into a coma due to complications from injecting roxis. The fucked up prison system here in Florida would not even allow his twin brother to attends the funeral.  Chad and Matt sure do miss you...


----------



## JunkiZen80x

...


----------



## lozgod

Please don't get offended anyone, but do ever envy those that are "out". Like they don't have to deal with this bullshit life of addiction anymore. I spent four years in prison and I had a cell mate that eventually hung himself. He only had 16 months, which to me wasn't shit. I was heavy in the criminal lifestyle then. Even my 4 years was easy on me mentally. 16 months was like a walk in the park but to this man one day was too much. He chose to leave prison at his own hands by ending his life. Knwoing him it wasn't suicide in his eyes. It was leaving prison.

I look at death sometimes not as death but as an "out". No plans for suicide. Not saying that. Just saying death is coming eventually whether I stay getting hi or I get clean and go on to do great things. Either way I am sure the emptiness that leads me to choose addiction will always be there. I'll never be truly happy I believe because I never experinced it. I hate the feeling of someone expressing their love towards me, it is uncomfortable and while I care deeply for some people in my life I do not know if I can truly experince love. It is as comfortable as opiate withdrawal to me. It makes my skin crawl and makes me want to run. 

Am I alone in envying those that escaped this emptiness even if it meant the end of thier life?


----------



## tals86

Hi all, 

I already posted this in the RIP section, can't be bothered typing all this again, it's only happened tuesday night/wednesday morning and I haven't slept yet.

Some of you may have known my twin sister, White Oleander. Unfortunately, after a lifetime of fighting her recurring drug addictions, she passed away on Tues night sometime (31/8/10) at 23.

My sister was the most loving and caring person I knew. She had a troubled and sad life, she suffered abuse most of her childhood and was tormented by this in her adult life. She had a history of schizophrenia at the age of 10/11 - long before drugs were involved. She always kept up a bright and happy face, even when she was going through mental confusion with all her voices etc. She had attempted suicide and notified our family via this website a few years back and it was only thanks to someone from this website that we were able to get to her in time and save her. (I don't know who it was but they found us in the phone directory and called from overseas).

From her posts on here, I can see that she didn't want to live the life she was living. She was desperate to be free of the hold of her addiction. Unfortunately she was introduced to drugs very early and would have no doubt struggled with her problem for the rest of her life. (I was a heavy IV user just for a year a few years ago and I know - I see myself as a recovering drug addict for life).
It's such a shock that this has happened when she really seemed to be getting her life on track. It's such a waste. She had been 100% clean for ~12 months now, started a new diet and lost around 20kg, and she was very focused on her Accounting studies.

A sudden lapse in judgement and a moment of weakness was all it took and she paid for that mistake with her life. 
She had a big exam on Monday that she apparently did very well in and she rewarded herself with some drugs on Tuesday, (no autopsy yet but at this stage I think it's safe to say it was either h, or a combo of h with something else). I tried to call her Tuesday evening with no answer, and when nobody had heard from her on Wednesday night alarm bells started ringing as she was very reliable. Our mum went to her apartment and found her overdosed and passed away from the night before. It seems like she passed in her sleep, which is at least some comfort.
Sorry this is so long but this was my twin sister and I'm still in total shock - it hasn't hit me yet. I can't help feeling I'm to blame in a way, we had a massive argument when I last saw her a couple of days prior, and I said some terrible things that I'm too ashamed to repeat to anybody. She was a sensitive person and I think I pushed her over the edge. I can't ever forgive myself for that, my 3 month old daughter is the only thing keeping me going.

R.I.P. my beautiful sister. I hope you have finally found peace and some happiness. Lara will miss her favourite auntie  I'm so glad you got to meet her, even if it was only for a couple months.

I wanted to add a photo but I don't have one of her on the net (so can't upload via url, right?)


----------



## mario323213

MDPVagrant said:


> OP: Very sorry to hear about your sister & best friend.  I really wish society "allowed" comprehensive drug education + harm reduction, I think it would cut back greatly on deaths.



seriously all they fucking have is "drugs are bad! you will look like this!" then in the fucking media its all like "were cool cuz were doing drugs! its so much fun!" fucking bitch ass government..fucking up the little kids its so fucking sad


----------



## lozgod

I do not know anyone here. But I almost feel compelled to give someone my name and some pictures of me and a way to find out my demise if I disappear from this board so they can confirm what happened because I love heroin so much if it isn't prison it will be death. I coming to a realization that I have no intentions of quitting. I couldn't imagine my life without it. I'd almost be better off dead. No disrespect to anyone that has been hurt by the loss of someone close to them, not trying to devalue anyone's loss. Just being honest. I love heroin and it's only end is jails, institutions, and death. I've been to prison, been institutionalized, I got one more stop. This thread.


----------



## opiatekrzy

being in the drug world since 2000, i have experienced deaths from a few people:

Oct 25th 2001 R.I.P-Darryl Johnson(19), Dan Otremba(15), Jack Gallivan(15)-(smoking pot in a car after getting out of detention at school, all dead at scene.

Greg Chaltain 2004(19)-ex-Girlfriend found him hanging in his room depression from drug use/breakup
David Gugino(26)Found dead in his sleep prolonged use crack night before, heart gave out.
Eric Gadik 2009(24)- Just got out of jail Od'ed and died from IVing cocaine and heroin.

Myself- Almost saw my life pass me by as i lay on the ground on my bedroom floor after injecting 3/10th's of molly crystals, extreme buzzing ringing, collapsed to the floor, chest pains, heart racing, thought i was slowly fading away into heaven as i just had a newborn son with my fiancee. 20minutes later i woke up, wondering did i die? is my dad really on the computer bitching bouut a bad hand on a poker game? did i make it alive, or is this heaven?

-SCARIEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE


----------



## tylerzsecret

this is pretty sad


----------



## NJDOKE

di.ACE.tyl.rob said:


> RIP Nicholas Z. - Kearny NJ - 1980 - Dec. 24, 2009
> 
> Nick was struggling with heroin addiction for quite a few years. He was the most charismatic person I've probably ever know, reminiscent of Pres. Obama or somethin', such a profound public speaker. Nick OD'd Dec. 1st at 9 in the morning, his father found him and revived him. Nick then OD'd 12 hours later that same day. At this point Nick decided to enter a 21-day rehab program at Bergen Regional in Paramus, NJ. He completed with flying colors & was released on Dec. 22nd 2009. However, two days later Nick suffered a final fatal overdose and was found by his father sometime in the night. He passed away on Christmas Eve 2009.
> 
> You'll be missed
> 
> Obituary: http://obits.nj.com/obituaries/star...=nicholas-william-aloysius-zuza&pid=137772720



Sad to hear about your friend, RIP to everyone who was mentioned in this thread. Ive been in Bergen pines many o times in the past.And also have lost a lot of close friends,and not so close friends to the Habit.Im  On methadone now so not trully clean,but I manage. RIP


----------



## rayne

Surrealist- said:


> Sweetheart I miss you, I'm just hoping you can't see me now. Please don't look.
> 
> RIP Christine. O



I haven't actually posted in a forum in 8 years... your words here moved me to do so. I have lost a lot of people over the years and I can not tell you how many times I've had this thought... It hit home and had tears pouring down my face. I hope to share more once I have some time to gather my thoughts. I guess this particular post of mine is a thank you. Thank you for waking me up...


----------



## stellablue

Here is a picture of me and my hubby at our wedding. He died in 1998.






To my soul mate. R.I.P.


----------



## skipperdeedoo

"See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
The breath from your own lips, the touch of fingertips
A sweet and tender kiss
The sound of a midnight train, wearing someone's ring
Someone calling your name
Somebody so warm cradled in your arm
Didn't you think you were worth anything
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world

SOLO

Millions of us in love, promises made good
Your own flesh and blood
Looking for some truth, dancing with no shoes
The beat, the rhythm, the blues
The pounding of your heart's drum together with another one
Didn't you think anyone loved you
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world
See what you lost when you left this world, this sweet old world"

-Lucinda Williams


----------



## That-Strange-Guy

My great aunt Cathy; killed while pregnant over a drug related conflict. I miss you
Tina; a friend's mother, hung herself due to guilt of heroin addiction
Mark; a childhood best friend, overdosed on cocaine 2008, I miss you man
Jody; Overdosed on MDMA 2009 at a party when I was there.
Brad; Left the music festival while high on oxys to get his girlfriend, was killed in a car accident. Augest 2010. Rest in peace man, we all miss you.

My heart goes out to all those who have lost friends and family due to drugs. I feel your pain. And to all those I have lost, I love you and will never forget you.


----------



## lozgod

The angering part of all this is there is a LARGE segment of society that could care less when "a junkie" dies, some see it as good riddance. I didn't chose to become a junie because I lack morals. I lacked something in life. Could of been not having a mother growing up thereby learning unconditional love for myself, could of been the lack of self esteem being one of the poorer kids in school growing up getting teased about my clothes, could be a lack of endorphins, could be anything but I know that myself and those fallen before me are not scumbags, or pieces of shit. I have feelings, I've made people laugh, I've hugged people as they cried. I am not a bad person. I have something inside of me that craves opiates just like my stomach craves food after not eating for X amount of hours.

Them judgemental pieces of shit that call us the pieces of shit don't know how lucky they are to not of been born with this sickness. Yes it is an illness. It has symptoms, mental and physical, and can lead to death just as every other disease does. 

So to the judgemental, I hope you never have to experience the pain this sickness causes. Either directly by becoming addicted or losing someone you love to this disease, but try being human for once in your life and see that no one sane would want to stick needles in their arms not knowing if it will be the last time. And if you can't look inside of yourself and find sympathy or empathy for those that are caught up in this mess can fuck yourself.


----------



## vonchampz

Philip Tablin Wolf 
June 17th 1987 - Sept 15th 2009
Heroin and cocaine overdose






I don't think anyone really knew what was going on in his life and I think he kept it pretty secret. He had just moved out of state for college and I also don't think he had been using very long either. A combination of lack of knowledge, experience as well as other factors I think caused it. I just wish that at least he would have told more people or used with others, because I think he mainly used alone and perhaps if there was someone with him that night...... Who knows. We miss you phil!


----------



## peruvianflake

menosel said:


> wow was not expecting to see that picture
> 
> i knew amanda
> 
> RIP



Omg she was so beautiful im so sorry


----------



## alantis360

An old friend of mine named Doug died in 2007.  Was a poly drug addict.  First time I was on acid we were out of town driving around smoking a blunt.  We got pulled over and they found a tab and weed in his car, this was his second or third run in with the law that semester.  A week later he shot himself in the parking lot of my dorm. 

Rip man


----------



## UnSquare

When you died Sam
a large part of my heart broke off
+ I don't know how to get it back.

I tried for years to bury the pain 
with a host of addictions
sure they were present before
but then I REALLY pushed it.

I'm very lucky to be alive today
as are we all
so let's HELP each other keep it that way.

Mad Love To BL
+ Please Be Careful Peeps.
Someone out there ALWAYS REALLY LOVES YOU.


----------



## milpool311

Scary thread, especially hearing about people who kill themselves during the comedown from coke or X. I think the words "this too shall pass" were my only savior during those moments of my life. 

This one goes out to my friend Barrel. (Died Jan 5, 2005) The night before we had a massive "Rave" at my boy's condo. There were about 60 people there partying and Barrel WAS the party, he made sure everyone had a TAB to pop, a line to snort, a bowl to smoke, and some valium and bars for the comedown. We all stayed up until 4-5 ish and then everyone kind of dispersed. The next day as I was driving to Houston for the weekend my friend called and told me he had died around 6 am on his floor laying on his back. Official cause of death was drowning on his own vomit, but only because he was comatose from the massive combination of coke, xanax, mdma, and alcohol.  He had fronted my friend a pound of reggie and me a 90 bottle of Roche 10's. After he died, someone robbed his corpse of over $8,000...He was 19.


----------



## User Name Here

Unfortunately his sister passed as well... Both died of overdoses. James was a great guy but unfortunately I hadn't spoken with him in a long time... He was the kind of guy who always put a brave face on but you could tell there was a lot of turmoil underneath the surface, especially with the death of his sister. His parents are, of course, devastated... His father found him after he hadn't answered his cell phone in three days. He was so young, just 22. The whole thing is just fucking tragic; too tragic for words so I'm gonna bring this to an end with "I miss you, James. I know you're in a better place."


----------



## candycandy

Wow. Just found this section... and I'm on the verge of crying. Condolences to everyone... can't believe how many H and fentanyl ODs there are. Actually I can. Of course I can, since I've ODed on them as well. I shot fentanyl pops for months. Crazy shit, thank whoever's-up-there I don't do that anymore...

For those of you who do H and/or fentanyl... or any kind of heavy opiates... please, PLEASE do it w/ someone around you. Even better if that person has access to Narcan, as that one minute WILL make a difference if you are in a serious state... (i.e. I was "posturing" meaning I was on my way to being brain dead... if I had to wait for an ambulance, most likely I would've suffered brain damage, if I were alone I would've most definitely died.) That seriously saved my life twice. I know it's hard... I know it's hard to wait till someone's around, but it WILL save your life. It will make all the difference in the WORLD.

Again, I am so sorry for everyone who has lost loved ones... wow.


----------



## pnkparis

candycandy said:


> Wow. Just found this section... and I'm on the verge of crying. Condolences to everyone... can't believe how many H and fentanyl ODs there are. Actually I can. Of course I can, since I've ODed on them as well. I shot fentanyl pops for months. Crazy shit, thank whoever's-up-there I don't do that anymore...
> 
> For those of you who do H and/or fentanyl... or any kind of heavy opiates... please, PLEASE do it w/ someone around you. Even better if that person has access to Narcan, as that one minute WILL make a difference if you are in a serious state... (i.e. I was "posturing" meaning I was on my way to being brain dead... if I had to wait for an ambulance, most likely I would've suffered brain damage, if I were alone I would've most definitely died.) That seriously saved my life twice. I know it's hard... I know it's hard to wait till someone's around, but it WILL save your life. It will make all the difference in the WORLD.
> 
> Again, I am so sorry for everyone who has lost loved ones... wow.




I to send my condolences to all who have lost on this forum.

I also OD'd 4 years ago on a bad mixture of Vicodin, cocaine, and multiple pills of e.  I was lucky enough to be with a knowledgeable friend who saved my life.  

I am no longer a cocaine user and i know longer mix any type of drug EVER.

be strong and if you know of someone struggling with an addiction, offer to help.  you may make the difference in that persons life.


----------



## stellablue

Here was our last family photo before my husband died in 1998 and left me and our daughter, Morgan. It is getting closer to Christmas and that was always his and my favoriate time. We always had so much to celebrate. I am still celebrating him through Morgan though, and I know where ever he is, he sees it and knows it. I am doing it mostly for her, but a part of me is doing it for what he and I created, our little Morgan. May he live on through her and our memories. To you Dana. We love and miss your giving heart. If I could only offer you my breath and let you borrow my heart beat just to meet her. I know you know she is a great kid from where ever you are. It's just she is about to turn 16 in May, and needs to remember you. Wow, how time flies. I just wished she remembered you, the way I do. That is such a sadness I bare. I promise you this...no matter how long I am here on earth with my kids, when it is my time, I WILL find you, and we will be one again baby I promise. What are a few years to eternity?


----------



## oc3anide

To everyone who has loved and lost - my thoughts are with you.

This thread makes me never want to touch drugs again...


----------



## totach

This thread never fails to bring my eyes to tear : (.
Such a good reminder to just stop doing what the f**k your doing.........But yet so hard to do.
R.I.P TO ALL THAT HAVE ALLREADY FALLEN.


----------



## 303Thizz

I've seriously been brought to a full on gusher of tears by this thread, and I'm usually a fairly emotionally cold person. One picture on this page instantly made me cry- I won't mention by name out of respect, but they looked so happy in the picture & I can only imagine the depth of their loss.


----------



## walio

My condolences to all those who've lost family or friends 

RIP


----------



## sbgirl

I'm from South Boston, MA where lots of children and adults from our crew have od'ed or killed themselves while under the influence. In a ten year span (1995 to 2005, it was an epidemic) I'd say about 30 left us possibly more. I had a friend die from benzo/alcohol intoxification when we were 15 but as we all got older it was usually heroin overdose or speedball related.........MAny times ppl would be sober for months and then go get wrecked one day and die as a result of there tolerance levels going down......"That dope killed so and so...where can I get some of that?!" Ive heard that too often.
PPl that still use please please be safe! Have narcan available at all times or whatever else may save a life.....RIP-wish you all knew it could get better


----------



## sbgirl

lozgod said:


> I do not know anyone here. But I almost feel compelled to give someone my name and some pictures of me and a way to find out my demise if I disappear from this board so they can confirm what happened because I love heroin so much if it isn't prison it will be death. I coming to a realization that I have no intentions of quitting. I couldn't imagine my life without it. I'd almost be better off dead. No disrespect to anyone that has been hurt by the loss of someone close to them, not trying to devalue anyone's loss. Just being honest. I love heroin and it's only end is jails, institutions, and death. I've been to prison, been institutionalized, I got one more stop. This thread.



OMG you just made me so sad! you feel like this now!!!! your thoughts can change. You have severe depression because you don't care about yourself. You can get help if you want it. U seem like a good candidate for a replacement therapy or you can still use and get help at the same time.
Do you have family or freinds that care about you? 
You can't see past your heroin right now but that DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL THIS WAY! I care about you and I don't even know you.


----------



## stellablue

Another year has passed, and I wanted to post in here for my husband Dana, who died in 1998 to an overdose of methodone. I also wanted to give my respects to my best friend Joe who passed two years ago to an overdose on Xanaxs and loratabs. I also wanted to give my respects to Piere who overdosed three years ago to an overdose.  
Please everyone be careful this year. So many new and old drugs so many risks. Don't have your picture in this thread.


----------



## Lysis

I remember your story 2 years ago, stella. 

RIP Robert. I still miss and think about you every day. I know if you were here, I wouldn't be hurting. You would have made me go out with you, and played Warcraft with me until I was laughing from ganking nooobs.  I'm angry at you for leaving me though.


----------



## stellablue

Lysis said:


> I remember your story 2 years ago, stella.



^ Thanks for your support. You are sweet.


----------



## windycorners

My friend Ryan (07/15/1988 - 11/10/2010)

Died of an overdose unfortunately, he was loved a lot!


----------



## lozgod

Way too young. Sorry for your loss.


windycorners said:


> My friend Ryan (07/15/1988 - 11/10/2010)
> 
> Died of an overdose unfortunately, he was loved a lot!


----------



## Fizzy Womack

rip young loc, drug related murder






rip joe


----------



## Katapult

A friend of mine got hit by a train in the night of his 18th birthday. He was drunk, nobody knows the circumstances but an accidents very unlikely.

I knew about 5 people that died of cancer and they were all smokers, I can't be sure that all the cancer was smoke related but I count them as people that died from it...

No pics, sorry.


----------



## weißwurschtis

Tomorrow is the funeral of my very good friend Flo.
He was nearly 6 month on the intensive care after a epileptic or something like that...
No one knows exactly what happened, and I will never realise what was going on the last month.
Oh god, I´m just crying riht now again


----------



## a7xlover

Never knew anyone who died as a result of drugs, hope i never will.


----------



## DexWeedAndMe

Woah. Having just read 314 extremely sad posts, I offer my condolences to every last person who has known someone who's died as a result of drugs. I don't know anyone close to me (yet, I'm sure I'll see it happen) but R.I.P Matt H.- Methadone OD, RIP Colton K.-Antidepressant Induced Gunshot. By far the saddest thing I've ever seen on the internet, had me in tears, hardcore.


----------



## jpinky

don't really want to post a pic cause its kinda hard to look at but my mother, 4/2/58 - 8/16/2010
benzo / pain killer OD, R.I.P. mom


----------



## thattoh

Such a sad thread, love to everyone. One thing that strikes me is how young and beautifull these poeple are, so much far removed from what we get called "Dirty Smack Heads".
Myself have been on Heroin for 20 years now, and lost friends a few who come to mind...

Paul H : Aged 25ish, Hung himself withdrawind from methadone and cyclezine in jail
Geoff W : Aged 55ish, Cause of death unknown, but was a old time junkie

also to a guy who spent a lot of his own personal time and money, helping others who he had nothing in common with. Kieth M I'll always think of you Kieth, and thank you everyday for helping me change my outlook on life, you and Old Tony. Thank You, and God Bless!!


----------



## Come real or not a

In loving memory of Dustin Nicholas Moore. He died in a drunk driving accident at the age of 24. You are missed d-dawg.

In loving memory of Emily Stieglitz. She was my best friend. She died in a car accident. She crashed into a tree while using pills. Your missed Emmy.

In loving memory of Gary Vorhies. Gary hung himself after years of cocaine addiction. His father died the same way and Gary always told me he would never put his family through what he went through. Your missed Gary!

Pictures coming soon.


----------



## kkattastic

many years ago,before i discovered heroin,i died giving birth to my son.he died at the same time but they managed to revive us both.i was furious at them bringing me round simply cos it was so calm and peaceful wherever i was.since then,i have no fear of death at all.
like many other addicts,when you do withdrawal,you get that dark,deep,deep depression that seems insurmountable..from this experience(s),i found myself visiting two google newsgroups;ASH (Alt.Suicide.Holiday) and ASM (Alt.Suicide.Methods).They are not pro suicide nor are they anti suicide..they are there to support you whatever decision you make and also to prevent botched attempts that can leave you disabled and even more of a burden on your loved ones.The people there were great and saw e through a lot of shit.They made e realise that I couldn't do that to y 2 kids(who are now 16&18) but i have been on and off of there for about 6yrs.
It is also through that group that i met and played my part in the capture of a genuine online internet predator who would coach young and vulnerable people in how to hang themselves so he could watch them on webcam(PM me if you want to know more).

Anyway,back on topic:
My cousin,Jason C was sitting in a car on his mothers driveway chatting to a friend when a drunk driver,racing a drinking pal from one pub to the next, ploughed through a bus stop and killed him instantly.
many on BL will remember the dogg101,who died at the beginning of feb from an OD of H.he was deeply depressed due to a split with his partner of 8yrs.I know many here will miss him.Paul H
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




also a dear friend,debs who suffered a life of unimaginable abuse.wound up in a wheelchair with a deportation order over her head.they wanted her to leave the only family that had ever shown her any love at all(her original family sold her-i shall say no more about this)-she ODd on insulin





why won't y piccys show up?


----------



## cletus

^It won't show because the picture file is linked to a private facebook account, hence the broken image icon. Either save the file (if you haven't already) to your computer & upload via imageshack or any similar hosting website. Use the direct link from them instead of the facebook link. That should do it.


----------



## cutecute

(on left)

Andrew Spear
04/04/89 - 12/23/10
oxy/heroin

i loved this kid so much. he was one of the most positive, wonderful, loving, and enthusiastic people i ever met and he helped me through the worst time of my life; for a quite a while he was literally my only friend. he never gave up on me and loved me with all his heart like the sun shined out my ass when i was not even close to deserving it.

he always wanted a relationship with me but i wouldn't let myself even consider him because i knew i couldn't handle his emotional problems and his drug use. i dated other people while still caring about him, but he was always there for me anyways.

a month before he died i was trying to call him to ask him to teach me how to rollerblade and i found out through some other friends how fucked up he was. even knowing that i just figured he would be out of rehab and fine, just like all the other times. it really broke my heart to see him go so fast, he was fine that summer.

i wasn't able to fully comprehend that we'll never talk or hang out again until i was sitting there in the church at his service. everyone got up afterwards and i couldn't stand. i could do nothing but fucking sob. i'm tearing up writing this, knowing that there is nothing good or redeeming about his death, we won't be together again, he's not watching me from the sky or some bullshit. but i know the impact he's had on my life is irreplaceable. he taught me to love and to savor life, to just wing it and be bat shit crazy, and in general how to be a truly good person who puts others before his/herself no matter what.

i will never forget you spear


----------



## D's

*Megan Alexandria Johnson
5/2/92-3/10/11*

Megan was one of my first girlfriends, she had such a awesome personality. We dated back when I was 16, and she was 14. 
You will always have a special place in my heart Megan.
I love you.
Drew


----------



## wvskinbyrd

In memory of my best friends in the world, Kemper G. age 40, fentynal and xanax and alcohol

Donnie M. 32, fentynal and xanax

Donald C. Alcohol and gunshot suicide

Dickie 20 Methadone and Xanax

Richard M. Fentynal xanax and alcohol

Mike M Fentynal and alcohol

Mike S. 40 methadone and xanax

Billy S. 26 methadone and xanax

Larry R 52 oxycontin and xanax

Mark W. 34 opana and xanax

Buddy T. 30 methadone cocaine oxycontin xanax

Geno W. oxycontin alcohol xanax

Richard K. xanax alcohol

Jesse B cocaine alcohol xanax xtc 

I miss you all everyday and I will see you soon


----------



## kace

this thread always beings tears to my eyes.  r.i.p to all of those lost.


----------



## Codones

Amazing thread. A thread so unnerving, but so appropriate, and even moreso, necessary, for purposes of harm reduction. My condolences to the friends and families of the loved ones lost.


----------



## VespaVixen

My best friend died 10 years ago this month and I want to tell you what happened.
He was addicted to heroine from middle school, Yes middle school.
He never stopped and would shoot ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
I begged him to get help, or at least to not shoot up. It's SO dangerous and if it's too much it's TOO LATE once you use it. You can't vomit it up you can't do ANYTHING.
And he never would stop, his arms and legs whatever veins he had were ruined becuase of this nightmare. I begged him one time and we had a huge fight and I couldn't find him for days.
I finally found him and he had some new stuff he wanted to try.
I asked him not to, just this once to please NOT try it.
He didn't listen.
He said he wasn't and I found him in the bathroom on the floor with the fucking needle STILL in his arm. The fucking piece of shit thing that KILLED my best friend.
I HATE needles to this day, ANY time I even have to have blood drawn I freak out and cry. No one knows why I just have to make up a story that I had a bad experience as a kid.
If they knew the real reason they'd freak out.
I lost my best friend to drugs. to SHOOTING up drugs, all for some STUPID HIGH.
PLEASE I beg of you ALL OF YOU THAT SHOOT UP ANY DRUGS.
PLEASE STOP DOING IT!
STOP!
it's NOT worth it! It's DANGEROUS.
SO DAMN DANGEROUS.
Imagine having to PUNCH your friend in the chest as hard as you can, and the paramedics arriving and trying to resussitate your best friend and they're GONE because they HAD to have JUST ONE MORE HIT!
Is it worth it?!
Is that high worth losing your best friend? The love of your life? Your sister? Your brother? Your Mother? Father? Friends? Anyone at ALL? 
WHY?!
Sit and ask yourself WHY you HAVE to SHOOT up drugs!
I'm asking you begging you ask someone who lost their best friend to this in their own arms LOST THEM because the drugs became more important than ANYTHING ELSE.
PLEASE
Ask yourself WHY you HAVE TO shoot up!
It's NOT worth it.
You'll die.
YOU WILL DIE.
I've lost a LOT of people and every year I cry my eyes out and wish I could have done something to get through to them, or that they could've just stopped and thought about it for a minute before they took that last hit that took their life.
PLEASE STOP SHOOTING UP DRUGS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Think of whomever you love and imagine they have to hold your cold limp body in their arms crying and shaking you desperately to wake up.
SAVE YOUR LIFE and THROW OUT EVERY SINGLE SYRINGE YOU HAVE DO NOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!
I don't care if you hate my post I PROMISED my friend that I would tell people EVERY year what happened and would try and save at least ONE user.
PLEASE
Throw them away don't do it anymore.
It will kill you.
It will, the last thing my best friend said to me was he should've listened to me that night.
Please don't let this happen to you please!
I'll forever be reminded of the last time I saw my best friend with his whole body going limp in my arms and tears down his face begging me to save him. 
And I couldn't it was too late, the drugs fucking killed him.
I'll always hate heroine I'll ALWAYS hate shooting up drugs. It's a murderer in disguise.
I'll always love my best friend Will who never got to be a rock star like he wanted never got to get anywhere he wanted to, never got to get married, never got to have kids he wanted to have, never got to go to his prom, never got to be the person he wanted to be. But he'll always be that person to me even though he's not longer here.
Save your best friend save yourself please if you can't get yourself or someone you love or care about to quit abusing drugs at least make them stop shooting up drugs. The effects are too dangerous.
I'm sorry if this post upset you but I have to reach someone even if it's by shocking them to stop them.
In memory of Will, you're always in my heart.


----------



## Divine Moments

Very moving thread. Condolences to everyone


----------



## northwest

I was so afraid, going through here, seeing every picture that it would be someone I loved. My heart goes out to EVERY person who has lost someone close to them. The responses about "Even beautiful people die," had me a bit floored though. EVERYONE is beautiful. That is all there is to it. Perhaps it is this division that we place on society that leads to much of the stress in people's lives as it is.


----------



## jaredvillhelm2002

So many good people have passed. Drugs are both great and terrible. Peace for those who've passed, fond memories and comfort for those who are left. My condolences to all of you who have lost someone...


----------



## muntlord

i used to pray for the day i'd leave this place/
were i stayed i couldn't wait i needed space/ 
my own head, worst enemy/
my lone friend, it got the best of me/
so i let my thoughts subside the noise died down/
got tired of myself liven in this ghost town/
and then i met you someone on my wavelength/
ya know the type a person that skips the cracks on the pavement/
not the normal type but someone i can relate to/
maybe cos we both walked a mile in the same shoes/
he shook my hand with a smile and said his name was andrew/


the years past and so did the distance/
so many stories gone by all worth the reminiscin/
sideways doin 85 i swear by a thread i was kept alive/
but you let yourself get swept with the tide/
i still remember the day you died/
from the front to the back of my mind/
it was a gift knowing you a present i'll keep forever/
i know when the clouds gather you were prepared for the weather/
but this time was different you found a different path/
my one regret is we didn't get to share the last laugh/
so on the days i remember my flag will always be at half mast/
cos lookin past the looking glass inside myself you never did depart/
i love you man one day we'll have that last beer together/
until then keep em cold and watch over me forever.

r.i.p andy. gone to soon mate.




The thunder rolls
And the lightnin' strikes.
Another love grows cold
On a sleepless night,
As the storm blows on
Out of control
Deep in her heart
The thunder rolls.

 (i'd only ever listen to garth brooks for you mate)


----------



## OzzBozz

good thread just found this. I had a friend who had a severe cocaine addiction, on top of his life crumbling away... he decided to kill himself after he blew an eigthball. It was heartbreaking for everyone that knew him. he was such a good person and was one of the most people u just will never forget


----------



## alwaysblazed

*Rest in peace Zachary November 27, 1991-April 18th, 2011*

I've known you since I was twelve years old and you were fifteen.  I have been in love with you sense then, well I still am in love with you.  Like you said people change but my feelings for you will never change.  That quote right there will always remain true.  You were the first guy I ever loved and honestly I believe you were my true love.  We were suppose to be with each other until we grew old and into the afterlife.  We were suppose to take our things and get away from everyone and everything and start over.  I knew how bad you wanted to be clean but it wasn't going to be possible if you stuck around where you were living....I wish I could have gotten you out in time.  I wish I could have had that little baby boy named Optimus Prime (hahahah) when we were older.  Who would have a tattoo sleeve by age seven and would be in MMA just like his father.  It's just so sad that all of those things can't happen now.  My whole world got flipped upside down when I found out you died....  I was going on your facebook to apologize for not talking as much and then I see rest in peace..  My heart sank.  It just couldn't be true.  I still can't accept that you're gone.  You had so much more to give and so much more to do.  This right here can't even explain half of the things I feel when I'm here without you.  I love and miss you so fucking much that it makes me sick.  My heart literally aches when I am here without you....you told me I was one of the only people you would die for.  You treated me with so much respect and love.  You were the reason I woke up every single fucking day....now you're gone and I want to die.  Yet, I'm going to try as hard as I can to live because it's all for you.  You will always be in my heart and I will never forget about you...  All the memories we shared.  When you were the kid addicted to pie and use to pretend you were smoking in your pictures but in all actuality you had a cheeto in your mouth.  Ugh how it sucks that my best friend and the love of my life is gone...  I would of given up my life in an instant for you..  I would do anything if possible for you to be back here.  I know you're still around and I talk to you every night.  I know you can hear me it's just I wish I could hear you...  Again I love you Zachary and if I ever have a boy in the future...I'm going to give him your middle name.


----------



## smackcraft

wow alot of people in this thread 

sorry for loses


----------



## ianfallgard

VespaVixen said:


> My best friend died 10 years ago this month and I want to tell you what happened.
> He was addicted to heroine from middle school, Yes middle school.
> He never stopped and would shoot ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
> I begged him to get help, or at least to not shoot up. It's SO dangerous and if it's too much it's TOO LATE once you use it. You can't vomit it up you can't do ANYTHING.
> And he never would stop, his arms and legs whatever veins he had were ruined becuase of this nightmare. I begged him one time and we had a huge fight and I couldn't find him for days.
> I finally found him and he had some new stuff he wanted to try.
> I asked him not to, just this once to please NOT try it.
> He didn't listen.
> He said he wasn't and I found him in the bathroom on the floor with the fucking needle STILL in his arm. The fucking piece of shit thing that KILLED my best friend.
> I HATE needles to this day, ANY time I even have to have blood drawn I freak out and cry. No one knows why I just have to make up a story that I had a bad experience as a kid.
> If they knew the real reason they'd freak out.
> I lost my best friend to drugs. to SHOOTING up drugs, all for some STUPID HIGH.
> PLEASE I beg of you ALL OF YOU THAT SHOOT UP ANY DRUGS.
> PLEASE STOP DOING IT!
> STOP!
> it's NOT worth it! It's DANGEROUS.
> SO DAMN DANGEROUS.
> Imagine having to PUNCH your friend in the chest as hard as you can, and the paramedics arriving and trying to resussitate your best friend and they're GONE because they HAD to have JUST ONE MORE HIT!
> Is it worth it?!
> Is that high worth losing your best friend? The love of your life? Your sister? Your brother? Your Mother? Father? Friends? Anyone at ALL?
> WHY?!
> Sit and ask yourself WHY you HAVE to SHOOT up drugs!
> I'm asking you begging you ask someone who lost their best friend to this in their own arms LOST THEM because the drugs became more important than ANYTHING ELSE.
> PLEASE
> Ask yourself WHY you HAVE TO shoot up!
> It's NOT worth it.
> You'll die.
> YOU WILL DIE.
> I've lost a LOT of people and every year I cry my eyes out and wish I could have done something to get through to them, or that they could've just stopped and thought about it for a minute before they took that last hit that took their life.
> PLEASE STOP SHOOTING UP DRUGS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
> Think of whomever you love and imagine they have to hold your cold limp body in their arms crying and shaking you desperately to wake up.
> SAVE YOUR LIFE and THROW OUT EVERY SINGLE SYRINGE YOU HAVE DO NOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!
> I don't care if you hate my post I PROMISED my friend that I would tell people EVERY year what happened and would try and save at least ONE user.
> PLEASE
> Throw them away don't do it anymore.
> It will kill you.
> It will, the last thing my best friend said to me was he should've listened to me that night.
> Please don't let this happen to you please!
> I'll forever be reminded of the last time I saw my best friend with his whole body going limp in my arms and tears down his face begging me to save him.
> And I couldn't it was too late, the drugs fucking killed him.
> I'll always hate heroine I'll ALWAYS hate shooting up drugs. It's a murderer in disguise.
> I'll always love my best friend Will who never got to be a rock star like he wanted never got to get anywhere he wanted to, never got to get married, never got to have kids he wanted to have, never got to go to his prom, never got to be the person he wanted to be. But he'll always be that person to me even though he's not longer here.
> Save your best friend save yourself please if you can't get yourself or someone you love or care about to quit abusing drugs at least make them stop shooting up drugs. The effects are too dangerous.
> I'm sorry if this post upset you but I have to reach someone even if it's by shocking them to stop them.
> In memory of Will, you're always in my heart.




thank you for sharing this. i just registered to see some of the effects of drugs.

i cried my eyes out. i've literally had to save my father a dozen times from death by overdose by myself. it's a feeling of gut-wrenching, hopeless despair that has unwoven me over the years.

i find myself dabbling in minor drugs, not having the time or money to afford anything hardcore, and forgetting the misery i went through. your post about your friend (and i truly am sorry for your loss) filled me with guilt and sadness because i know my sisters and mother would be crushed without me, even my father despite his problems. 

at times i've just wanted out - truly, whether by means of drugs or death. my family has burdened me with lofty expectations that i fear i won't be able to reach, or at least won't be able to reach quickly enough. but your message was sincere and touching and reminded me that some people really do care.


my best regards to you


----------



## SimplyAshley20

ugh. Good god I don't think a thread has ever made me as depressed as I am now. I feel so bad for people who have addictions. Especially those who need to inject a needle in themselves to feel anything. All of my prayers and positive thoughts will go to all of these poor lost souls as well as for all of the people who suffer in their loss. I couldn't even imagine. D:


----------



## panic in paradise

^ well t/y then , although i see lots of 's & and hardly any- 



> *SimplyAshley20*
> will go to all of these poor lost souls as well as for all of the people who suffer in their loss. I couldn't even imagine



this is not a show of lost souls - this how they/we all carry on, in love not at all out 0f.


*Life Love & Light*


----------



## desert_devil

I've saved a couple friends in my life, and to this point have been lucky not to lose one. Unfortunately I know luck must, and will, run out eventually. Sorry to everyone who has already lost someone - if something like this doesn't make you think strongly about your own usage I don't know what will.


----------



## xstayfadedx

alwaysblazed said:


> *Rest in peace Zachary November 27, 1991-April 18th, 2011*
> 
> I've known you since I was twelve years old and you were fifteen.  I have been in love with you sense then, well I still am in love with you.  Like you said people change but my feelings for you will never change.  That quote right there will always remain true.  You were the first guy I ever loved and honestly I believe you were my true love.  We were suppose to be with each other until we grew old and into the afterlife.  We were suppose to take our things and get away from everyone and everything and start over.  I knew how bad you wanted to be clean but it wasn't going to be possible if you stuck around where you were living....I wish I could have gotten you out in time.  I wish I could have had that little baby boy named Optimus Prime (hahahah) when we were older.  Who would have a tattoo sleeve by age seven and would be in MMA just like his father.  It's just so sad that all of those things can't happen now.  My whole world got flipped upside down when I found out you died....  I was going on your facebook to apologize for not talking as much and then I see rest in peace..  My heart sank.  It just couldn't be true.  I still can't accept that you're gone.  You had so much more to give and so much more to do.  This right here can't even explain half of the things I feel when I'm here without you.  I love and miss you so fucking much that it makes me sick.  My heart literally aches when I am here without you....you told me I was one of the only people you would die for.  You treated me with so much respect and love.  You were the reason I woke up every single fucking day....now you're gone and I want to die.  Yet, I'm going to try as hard as I can to live because it's all for you.  You will always be in my heart and I will never forget about you...  All the memories we shared.  When you were the kid addicted to pie and use to pretend you were smoking in your pictures but in all actuality you had a cheeto in your mouth.  Ugh how it sucks that my best friend and the love of my life is gone...  I would of given up my life in an instant for you..  I would do anything if possible for you to be back here.  I know you're still around and I talk to you every night.  I know you can hear me it's just I wish I could hear you...  Again I love you Zachary and if I ever have a boy in the future...I'm going to give him your middle name.



This was my boyfriend....decided to keep this account instead.  Any ways I am doing better now but my heart still aches.  Sometimes I think I've accepted you're gone but other times I know I'm just lying to myself.  I miss you....I can still feel your presence here but I miss your touch.  You'll always be in my heart Zachary, love you always.


----------



## stellablue

stellablue said:


> Another year has passed, and I wanted to post in here for my husband Dana, who died in 1998 to an overdose of methodone. I also wanted to give my respects to my best friend Joe who passed two years ago to an overdose on Xanaxs and loratabs. I also wanted to give my respects to Piere who overdosed three years ago to an overdose.
> Please everyone be careful this year. So many new and old drugs so many risks. Don't have your picture in this thread.



^ All my misfortunes and loses. I am so lost. I wished they could just breath into me and give me my life back. That unfortunately will never happen so I am on my own yet again. It just fucking sucks everyway you see it.


----------



## muvolution

I think this thread has real harm reduction value, and it is a touching memory.






3 of these 4 are dead. 
Jesse G. died only months after our highschool graduation. Percocet OD.
Ryan R. died about a year after graduation. Percocet OD.
Ryan W. died about a year and a half after graduation. Poly-substance driving while intoxicated accident. He also killed 3 people.


J.D. ate her service revolver after struggling with substance abuse and depression.
Gavin R. died of complications from shooting heroin (not an OD, way gnarlier than that)
James S. was shot in the head picking up Heroin in the ghetto.
Danny L. died drinking and driving.
John H. steered his pickup truck into a bridge abutment, killing himself after relapsing on alcohol.

I wish I had pictures to remember most of these people by. There are memories, though.


----------



## xburtonchic

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses on this thread.

It's really scary to see how many of these are due to opiates and benzo's, two things I'm currently prescribed (Suboxone and xanax).  I don't abuse them at all, I take them as prescribed... sometimes less... but it's still scary because that wasn't always the case.  I tried jumping off Subs two weeks ago, couldn't handle the w/d's... popped a few Vicodin to try and even things out (about 25 over the course of a week... seems like a lot, but I say few because at the height of my addiction I'd take 25 in a day).  Anyway, they weren't helping my withdrawals much, my doctor's office was closed, he told me to go to the hospital to see what they could do to help me with my withdrawals.  I did NOT WANT to go to the hospital... but luckily my parents basically forced me into the car and drove me there.  Once I'm there... surprise!  A few hours later, a nurse comes around the corner panicking like fuck and asking me "How much tylenol have you taken?"  She told me I had overdosed on tylenol and that my toxicity level was too high (80-something) and that I needed to go to the ICU for the next three days.  They told me they didn't even know if I was going to die or not, that it was too soon to tell.   I was utterly confused.  No idea what came over me, but I detached myself from the things I was attached to and bailed out of the hospital and tried to walk home... I guess I just kind of panicked, I couldn't understand how this was happening because I felt FINE (aside from wd's) and I couldn't fathom that I OD'ed on such a small dose tylenol compared to what I'd taken before... and I was scared shitless that there was a real possibility I was days away from dying of liver failure, which I've heard is excruciating.  But I was picked up by a medic and two security guards, they went looking for me... and then I got to spend some time in the ICU, drinking some sort of nasty liquid that tasted like rotten eggs every few hours.  They said if I hadn't gone to the hospital that day, I'd have died.  I'm not kidding, that experience completely changed my life and I will not go near ANYTHING containing tylenol EVER again in my life... fuck that.  I'm back on the Subs, they put me back on so I wouldn't take anymore Vicodin (which wouldn't have been a problem trust me)... but next time I jump off, I'm sticking it out.  I can deal with a few weeks of withdrawals... I can't deal with dying of liver failure, one of the most painful deaths possible, and leaving my family and friends behind... fuck that.  

I don't know why I just went off on a tangent right now, sorry.  I haven't talked to anyone about it, I don't think anyone realizes exactly how much that experience impacted me.  All I can say is, having looked a possible overdose in the face... and one that would not have been quick and painless, but slow and excruciating... it seriously made me think twice about a lot of things.  It scared the shit out of me, still does a little bit.  I'm glad I survived, but it just blows my mind that something like tylenol that's sold OTC can do so much damage.  

Anyway... recognition is in order for those who weren't as lucky as I was. 
R.I.P. Jerry L. 7/4/09- passenger in a vehicle where the driver was drunk... they were on vacation in Alaska, swerved to hit a moose, lost complete control of the vehicle.  All 5 people in the vehicle lost their lives.  Miss you, Jer 
R.I.P. April- victim of a drunk driving incident; driver ran a red light going 90 and hit the driver's side head on (it was also the driver's third DUI, she was only 20... she's now locked up for life on murder charges, YAY FOR JUSTICE).  I didn't know April personally, but she was my friend's girlfriend and they were going to get married... can't even begin to explain how much her death affected him and still does to this day.  

I don't know anyone who has died from a drug overdose directly.  But my friend just had a friend pass away from an OD a week before I went to the ICU for my (completely accidental) tylenol overdose.  My experience, and seeing how it was affecting my parents and brother even though I wasn't even dead just a possibility that I would be, on top of reading every single post on this forum makes me so sad for him.  He's one of those types of people who won't let on how much his friend's death is affecting him, but now I realize it's probably killing him inside.  Hopefully I'll see him tomorrow, cause seriously I just want to give him like the biggest hug ever now.  I haven't even known him for long, but after reading this entire thread and seeing how much it affects people, I really just want to make him feel better and tell him that everything is going to be okay.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I just have a lot to say about this.  My condolences go out to every single one of you who have lost a loved one to drugs or alcohol.  And to those who have lost their lives, may you all Rest In Peace. 

EDIT: Also, R.I.P. ektamine, fellow BL'er.  
Also, pictures of these people are all linked to private Facebook accounts, so I can't post them, sorry.  But they were all beautiful


----------



## revelator

wow havnt sobbed like that in a long time. deply moving thread. its a shame how many lives opiates have taken. im glad one of my best friends got off them before anything happened. still i worry though. RIP to all those on this thread its really sad seeing how young so many are.


----------



## indicaa

i knew i shouldn't have looked at this because it made me cry. i'm fortunate enough to haven't lost anyone to drug use yet - but i know a few that unfortunately are on their way. i'm so sorry for everyone's losses.


----------



## Panama

indicaa said:


> i knew i shouldn't have looked at this because it made me cry. i'm fortunate enough to haven't lost anyone to drug use yet - but i know a few that unfortunately are on their way. i'm so sorry for everyone's losses.



dido. i just read through all the in memory threads....tears were shed and may they rest in peace.


----------



## snooter420

roland salvatore....bout 35 yrs old...was avery good dude peaceful hippy type. he was shot in the neck with a muzzle loader after a dispute that im pretty sure had somethi g to do with his ex stealing a large amount of hash....
anyways e all miss him so much and this town and this orld will miss out on him not being here so much....he was loved my so many, but all it takes is to be dislike by one...i will get a pic up later i have lots 

love you Roland RIP


----------



## xstayfadedx

I find myself lurking around this forum just thinking about all the lives lost and it makes me question myself a lot....why am I still using drugs...  I get upset when reading this thread, it's hard to see how many people have died.  I almost lost another friend just this week from drugs and luckily the ambulance got to her in time.  I don't know if I can handle another death of a closed one... I still am not handling the death of my boyfriend well...I find myself dwelling on the fact he's gone and I can't accept that.  It's hard to do that.  Maybe in time I will.  Sorry to hear about your losses though and my prayers are with you all.  Stay strong.


----------



## ryand123

R.I.P. Brett- Heroin overdose (buddy)

R.I.P. Dad- Chirrohsis of the liver from booze, pills, and crack.


----------



## TINK

I got clean almost 5 years ago, if I didn't I would have surely been one of the persons on this page.  My heart goes out to all of the friends and families that have lost loved ones. We need to keep reminding ourselves too, that it is not just the addicted that death can afflict. It could be that one time you havent partied in years and you go to far, or you get bad stuff, or where or who you get it from isnt the safest place for you to be.  Please think about these things before you spontaneously think about getting fucked up.

RIP all those who have fallen


----------



## D's

one of my close girlfriends passed away from an overdose yesterday morning.
Words cant describe the feeling that I'm feeling right now. 




RIP Jeannie S.
August 28, 1987 - July 27, 2011
love ya sweet baby girl,


----------



## snafu

R.I.P Grandma.. 1936-2005

Tobacco


----------



## JB

It's always a fucking opiate isn't it. God damn it.


----------



## severely etarded

?? whats up man?


----------



## Jewels

I am sobbing.
Sister-long time heroin & methadone addict & alcoholic (lots of pills too)--Hep C-49 years
Sis-In-Law-Suspicious circumstances but no $$ for investigation-supposed suicide on Zoloft (5 of them in her stomach; undissolved). Recovering crack addict, diet pills & alcoholic-37 years

RIP my Sissys--I love & miss you--RIP


----------



## severely etarded

^ So sorry for you guys' losses 

Everybody in here...


----------



## albastrux

Christina McQuade, (Nina), 21. Died of an accidental heroin overdose on 23 August 2009. I've never had a better friend, and I'll never forget all of the ridiculous things we did together, or the bars we frequented when we were both underage drinkers. Love that girl with all my heart.

She used to try to drag me to church every Sunday morning and for a while, I was going with her... until that one Sunday morning that she didn't call.


----------



## villian

Damn.. I don't even have a picture of my boy anymore. This is all I have left...






You died so young leaving your little baby girl behind.. 

I miss you man. The fucked up thing is that out of the whole clique we ran with I'm the last one left alive. I'm sober now, but why did I have to watch so many friends die to get here?


----------



## severely etarded

^ Damn bro. Not even 17 years old. How sad 

You had to watch them die so you could survive. It's fucked up but I'm sure you've taken some lessons from it. I know I have. Sometimes we have to see people die so it won't be us. If you had died it would have been somebody else in your clique, alive, and taking the lessons from it. Just fucked up it happens so young.

My deepest condolences.


----------



## verso

albastrux said:


> Christina McQuade, (Nina), 21. Died of an accidental heroin overdose on 23 August 2009. I've never had a better friend, and I'll never forget all of the ridiculous things we did together, or the bars we frequented when we were both underage drinkers. Love that girl with all my heart.
> 
> She used to try to drag me to church every Sunday morning and for a while, I was going with her... until that one Sunday morning that she didn't call.








Nina McQuade. Too young...


----------



## blue valentine

I will try to post the pic later, but I have one that shows me, my husband Jon, our cat, and two friends Gabe and Sarah.  I am the only one alive right now...
Jon died in the same car accident I survived...he wasn't on drugs, it wasn't even his fault BUT we were on our way to cop some dope so sometimes I feel if we had quit already like we always talked about, we wouldn't have been in the car on that road at that moment
Gabe-cocaine overdose
Sarah-speedball overdose

I know quite a few more, way way too many actually but this picture brought these people to the front of my mind...the cat died too, not drug related obviously but sometimes I think she just missed Jon so much she died of a broken heart...and sometimes I think I will too...It has been one year and I'm still here.


----------



## Schrei

I never knew of so many people dying from drugs. It really gives me a more careful out look on what I do.
Im sorry for everyone lose.


----------



## badfish45

r.i.p  man


----------



## Methadone84

This thread gives me the CHILLS have had plenty of friends die shootings selling dope


----------



## mrflowers00

i find this to be very disrespectful to those who lost their lives


----------



## chinky

how??

any way to remember them is a good thing..if they died of drugs its prolly isnt a secret so its not like your disrespecting them by tellin a dark secret about them

ive known prolly 10-12 people who have dies from heroin..aside from a car crash and suicides which i dont count, heroin is the only way people i know have died..and not one of them died from snorting it, its all the needle...one even died the first time they ever used a needle afte ryears of script drug abuse and then snorting dope...another died the first time they hit themselves..they had someone else hit them up always and he found it to be a hassle cause to hit him up he would have to give his buddy a bag..i remember him complaining about this and offering to hit me up for free but finally he learned how to do it himself and the next day his buddy called lookin to chill with him and his mom picked up the phone and basically threatened to kill the friend cause she knows that he was the one her son did dope with and knows why he picks up her son everyday at 10am and how hes the one who shot him up/taught him how to do it because hes the only one of her sons friends with trackmarks and she told him shedidnt like him and how he wasnt allowed in the house and all this crazy shit

i know cause at the wake, she flipped on the kid when he showed up and i had to drag him away cause the mom was screaming at the kid at the wake and blaimed him...messed up part was her son is the one that was the big drug dealer who kind of introduced everyone to everything but you cant tell a mom that..his sister told me his mom found him with the needle in his arm still and i know he had narcan cause him and a few other people who use needles all got it, they thought they where being smart and cautious just in case since they used needles but its not anygood if no one else knows you have it or even knows how to use it


----------



## etnies

Last year I lost a friend to Heroin.

3 Days ago I lost a friend to heroin

2 Days ago another kid in my town died of "molly and pain killers"

kinda messed up...I admit I do like benzodiazepines...but stay away from dope, please people. This is 2 much.

rip all.


----------



## chinky

^^^its sad to say but those wont be the last ones you know who die from this shit


----------



## pizzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPgv3gyoyWI - Tribute to Trav

http://obits.syracuse.com/obituaries/syracuse/obituary.aspx?n=travis-a-bowles&pid=121310377

Travis Bowles  
6/23/83 - 12/10/08 - Died from a Methadone & Xanax overdose.   

My bestfriend....  I miss him every day and not a day goes by that he isn't on my mind.     RestInPeace


----------



## pizzy

etnies said:


> Last year I lost a friend to Heroin.
> 
> 3 Days ago I lost a friend to heroin
> 
> 2 Days ago another kid in my town died of "molly and pain killers"
> 
> kinda messed up...I admit I do like benzodiazepines...but stay away from dope, please people. This is 2 much.
> 
> rip all.


 

I live in the 315 too man.  Travis was my bestfriend, Flow was a really great friend for a while until the drugs took over.  And I'm sorry about Chris dude, he was my boy.  It's a damn shame that had to happen.


----------



## nAON

going through facebook to find these guys, fucking chilling

was 19 or so, died almost a year ago, think it was some complications with his prescription meds (he was on MAOIs i think, but he was on all sorts of drugs all the time)






on the left, he was on the forum, bignbrown. knew him for years, probably talked to this guy more online than i did to any of my mates. ended up ODing on dhc and kratom (actually posted a topic up here on BL asking for help with the combo a few hours before he died). i think the kratom he put up his ass too, exactly sort of situation we would joke about with him :D was 19 or 20, died a few months ago





another one of the guys i would spend most of my time chatting shit to online back in the day. he was early 20s when it happened last year, ODd on poppy pods 





and a few other people i wouldn't feel comfortable posting photos of

*RIP*


----------



## Bill

My two very best friends both died in October not even two weeks apart from each other

Chris, committed suicide because of a very bad heroin addiction






Shane died in his work truck of a heroin overdose 






It doesn't even feel real
I feel like I'm still gonna see them sometime

They were my best friends.
I tried to help so much, but it never worked :[

RIP


----------



## herbavore

^I am so sorry, Bill. That is a tremendous loss. They both look like good guys and I know they were.


This a picture of Caleb (ektamine) speaking in a kava ceremony in Samoa. Ia Manuia Lou Malaga


----------



## effie

I have no words for you all right now...


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

*MTGG. *
*7th April 1982 - 6th June 2008 *
My boyfriend, He had difficulties with alcohol and other drugs, and choked on his vomit when passed out after drinking too much. The last conversation I hadwith him was a sad one. He was due to be admitted into rehab two days after he died. 





*Unfortunatesquid*
*1st May 1985 - 2nd January 2012*
My ex-boyfriend. He came to stay with me for new year, it was the first time we'd seen each other in over a year. We'd been e-mailing eachother to explain some issues. Forgiveness was achieved. He died from a suspected Ketamine overdose a day after saying a sad Goodbye to me. He was due to start a new job the day after he died. I still can't believe it. I keep expecting to get an e-mail from him, telling me he'd made it home and how bad British public transport is. I sent him a text asking how hisjourney home was,even though I knew he'd never read it. 

I still blame myself for both of their deaths.


Only the good die young.


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Mic Righteous Ft. Lucia - Crack a Smile

‎'And if you've just lost your best friend bredrin, crack a smile in their name.'


----------



## Samadhi

My heart breaks whenever I read this thread. 

herby, what a precious memory to have of your Caleb. I remember reading his facebook page when i first heard the news, and was blown away by the outpouring of love - and how amazingly mature his brother was in the face of such a tragedy. *hug*

cherry - I have no words, to say that i'm so sorry this has happened seems trite, so please just know you're in my thoughts


----------



## Miss Kirsty

*My beautiful mum...*

This is my step-mum..She died on her birthday last year. She was given a present by a loved one, and she OD'd that night. SHe had apparently had cocaine and heroin and either got the baggies mixed up or just plain had too much..She had been taking heroin for over 30 years, and was Peruvian. She loved her coke. I miss her evry single fucking day...Words just dont cut it.   Love you Pilly...I hope you felt nothing my lovely lady..She died 6 hrs after this photo was taken....









The fact that she died from a " gift " has led me to NEVER buy drugs as a present for a loved one.  RIP Obwella...you are an angel now.  Hope you are giving them what for up there!!
Obwella= SPanish for Grandmother...I aint a good speller, but I called her Obwella..

After doing "hard drugs" for 20 years, ive had many more friends die..Probably 10 plus...I stopped counting, I miss them all....
Hugs and kisses to all have loved and lost....


----------



## Miss Kirsty

chinky said:


> ive known prolly 10-12 people who have dies from heroin..aside from a car crash and suicides which i dont count, heroin is the only way people i know have died..and not one of them died from snorting it, its all the needle...



My loved one died snorting....Snorting dosent equal saftey mate....I realise you said  "*you* havent known of anyone to die from snorting"....snorting can kill also..and it does kill"....


----------



## michael

my dad died a couple years ago after a couple decades of abuse


----------



## 5-Meo-WTF

RIP Jon Mac
I did not know him very closely but I know a whole lot of people who did. This kid, as you can see, was an absolute party animal. He managed to maintain fantastic grades and was a star lacrosse player throughout high school. I'm not positive but I think he had a full scholarship to the honors college at Temple University(where i met him), where he excelled as well. He took every drug he did to the extreme, he would take handfuls of xanax bars daily as well as inhuman amounts of acid, molly and countless other drugs, but he never let it harm his grades or any other part of his life. He was one of those people who truly seemed superhuman. What did him in was heroin. After his first time shooting up, he was dead within a month. So tragic, such an immense amount of potential wasted. He was truly one of the nicest and most generous people I have ever met. He was 18. Rest easy Jonny...


----------



## Tilt

Why do the good people always die young


----------



## Tilt

michael said:


> my dad died a couple years ago after a couple decades of abuse



Beautiful pic. He was such a handsome man. Sorry for your loss.


----------



## bowdenta

its really sad seeing all these young faces. I've been on the brink myself, woken up in hospitals, got better but still wish i didn't drink so goddam much. I've only lost one person and I hope through information, harm reduction, and support I never have to lose another. RIP Nick


----------



## Lysis

5-Meo-WTF said:


> RIP Jon Mac
> I did not know him very closely but I know a whole lot of people who did. This kid, as you can see, was an absolute party animal. He managed to maintain fantastic grades and was a star lacrosse player throughout high school. I'm not positive but I think he had a full scholarship to the honors college at Temple University(where i met him), where he excelled as well. He took every drug he did to the extreme, he would take handfuls of xanax bars daily as well as inhuman amounts of acid, molly and countless other drugs, but he never let it harm his grades or any other part of his life. He was one of those people who truly seemed superhuman. What did him in was heroin. After his first time shooting up, he was dead within a month. So tragic, such an immense amount of potential wasted. He was truly one of the nicest and most generous people I have ever met. He was 18. Rest easy Jonny...



That reminds me of my ex, who is posted here soon after he died. He was clean for 10 years, and within 3 months of going back to pills, he was dead. I miss him so much. Hard to believe in 5 days it will be officially 4 years, and 4 years since I found comfort at BL. I don't think I'll ever find someone as smart, sensitive and giving as him. He was an incredible person.


----------



## Miss Kirsty

Lysis, i too have lost a soulmate, Time dosent heal wounds, but you learn how to live with your pain in a better way...I was widowed at 29 years old...My hubby had the saddest life you could imagine...(Angelas Ashes)...but ive learned that time has helped me learn how to live again...it certainly hasnt diminished the pain and it wont..4 years is not a long time...I wish you the best mate, you arnt alone, 3 days ago, it was my hubbys death annerversary too..Live your life well for him, Lysis...That would be the best gift  in the world....LOL (lotsolove)


----------



## badfish45

michael said:


> my dad died a couple years ago after a couple decades of abuse



Thats such a sweet picture


----------



## effie

One of my favourite people ever, Sam, died of an overdose recently.

Sam. My wonderful friend. Can't bring myself to post a pic right now.

Sam was as hedonistic as I am, which is saying something.. but he introduced me to the concept of harm reduction and he was as careful as he was pleasure-seeking. He was also one of the kindest, smartest, funniest, loveliest people I know. I hate it that people will think I am just saying that because he died; I'm not, he really _was_. He worried over my drugs use and used to tell me to be careful - last chat we had he was asking me to watch myself. He looked after me when all my other friends moved away, and he was there for me when my boyfriend died. I'd not seen him in a year and I am kicking myself now, why did I let time drift by? I of all people know that time is finite and people can be taken from us at any minute 

Sam I love you, I'm sorry I didn't come to see you, and I am so sorry things ended this way. Too fucking bright and too fucking young. I think about you every day and I hope we were all wrong about heaven. Say hi to Dave yeah?    

(pics to follow if family don't mind)


----------



## Lysis

Lysis said:


> I loved you Robert.  This is EPiC from hack3r.com, my love, my life, my soulmate.  Oxy + Ambien/Xanax (not sure which one, but we're sure it is one of them).  Beautiful mind and beautiful person.



I hate coming to this forum. What a long time it has been, and even now I still cry like a baby. I'll never find anyone like this guy right here. He's an asshole for what he did.


----------



## stellablue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahha3Cqe_fk


This one is for you Dana Wesson. I miss you everyday. 10-63,7-98. My husband.


----------



## highasakyte12

Rhett Franklin Butler. 
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/houstonchronicle/obituary.aspx?n=rhett-franklin-butler&pid=16484953
[AUGUST 28, 1987~JANUARY 24, 2006]

That final day, when you chose to spend your last day on earth with... me. You were popular, handsome, incredibly skilled, gifted and intelligent. And you chose me...why? In my mind we were associates at best, for I didn't have what it took to hang with you, yet you called me up to hang out on your final day. You planned it so well...And all the warning markers were there. The left-over slashes on the wrist. You sold all your valuables to fund our endeavors that day, and the only thing that registered in my mind was "Great, we can buy more drugs" What a FUCKING SELFISH FOOL I WAS.... and still am. You were so serene as I left you that night, coming off that MDMA and cocaine...I simply said "Hey bro, I'll see you tomorrow" You smiled,... and nodded. It didn't feel right leaving. But I wrote it off as coming down. 

you even text-ed me asking for some weed to help you come down. My selfish stupid fucking ass was in bed and didnt respond, even though i read the message. "It's late, I'll see you tomorrow with that" i told myself. You then proceeded to use a large amount of diphenhydramine to get high and combat the comedown. Something you had learned from me. 

You killed yourself that night. Your girlfriend found you hanging in the garage. The same garage I pass by in the neighborhood every single day. I miss you man... It should have been me in death's throws. You were incredibly more valuable to this world, to the human species, than my pathetic POS self will ever be. 

You have the jump on us mortals Rhett. I miss you so much and I will see you soon.


----------



## stellablue

^ My heart goes out to you.


----------



## Patty77

I'm so sorry to those who have lost. This is a sad thread, but much needed as a reminder.
If each one of us could just educate one person.....


----------



## Bekka

So sorry to read through the losses of your friends and family.






This is Krysti. She passed away last December. She had just turned 26. The coroner found a shit ton of soma in her intestines. It was my first time having to deal with something like this. It also taught me to be much more careful with my using, and to be there for those who are using with me, in case they are in trouble.


----------



## Poppa Poppy

Billy L. (My uncle) 1950 - 2005 Aged 55 - Died from an overdose of Klonopin & pain killers. 

RIP


----------



## Lizard King 420

damn, really makes me appreciate staying away from opiates


----------



## AminoAcid

threelibras99 said:


> Ben C*.*, my first boyfriend
> 02.21.2006
> tramadol + effexor



I just want to warn people about this. Tramadol and Effexor are a DEADLY combo. I took the same as this guy did and ended up on life support. Heart and breathing stopped numerous times. Only survived by a miracle.


----------



## Kcwhite

This thread never fails to choke me up and make me think hard about my own actions.  I really hope that I can quit the dope before I end up being a thread in this forum.


----------



## thrillipod

http://www.piasecki-althaus.com/images/obituaries/Otterson Kenneth Obituary Photo.jpg

"big ken"  -Opiates


----------



## Anomaly88

Cassie, 23. Heroin OD

*NSFW*: 









Kenzi, 20. Heroin OD

*NSFW*:


----------



## Lysis

I fucking hate this thread, but feel I need to look at it every once in a while.

Hugs to those people who lost someone. Never forget.


----------



## BlueHues

Yeah, I don't have pictures on hand, but it actually does bring a tear to my eye, even people I don't know, especially these young ones that had no idea what was coming....
RIP

And now, the asshole part:
Anyone posting pics of celebrities that died from drugs in this thread is so retarded, they should be killed themselves!


----------



## OriginalCrazyone

Christy C. Died 9/11/2012 unknown OD culmination of an abusive relationship.  her abuser was arrested the day she died assaulting 2 other people and her charges were added to the list, so she may get some justice...





Jason C.  Died 6/27/2008... He was given a "Hot Shot" by someone after being falsely accused of being a CI... 

Last, but not least...
this one is a reminder that it doesn't have to be a drug taken for pleasure.  One of my best friends, and a well loved contributer to the Bluelight community...




Thaddeus Wright, DJ Negative, Negativeismyname here on the boards, Died 12/23/2006, from an allergic reaction to an antibiotic he was given for strep throat.  he took a dose and went to bed, and never woke up...So remember, even if it is a medicine not for recreation, if it is new, take it while awake and with someone around in case of adverse reaction... 

RIP, my friends, 

-OcO-


----------



## herbavore

Kcwhite said:


> This thread never fails to choke me up and make me think hard about my own actions.  I really hope that I can quit the dope before I end up being a thread in this forum.



I do, too, Kcwhite.I have the utmost faith that you can.


----------



## stellablue

Lysis said:


> I fucking hate this thread, but feel I need to look at it every once in a while.
> 
> Hugs to those people who lost someone. Never forget.



^ I feel that same way. I still have to look, so I don't forget. 

*Hugs to all*


----------



## xCONMANx

BlueHues said:


> Yeah, I don't have pictures on hand, but it actually does bring a tear to my eye, even people I don't know, especially these young ones that had no idea what was coming....
> RIP
> 
> And now, the asshole part:
> Anyone posting pics of celebrities that died from drugs in this thread is so retarded, they should be killed themselves!



Although I agree that some celebrities have glorified drugs etc... That is a very childish and immature thing to say...

Heart goes out to all that have lost love ones to drugs famous or not...


----------



## BlueHues

I personally have friends who have died of overdoses, and to post pics of curt cobain and Jim Morrisson misses the point, trivializes the whole thread and renders it meaningless....Did you really start an account on BL to bitch about my post?!  Care to qualify by sharing any personal experiences or people that you've known that have overdosed or died from drugs?

I obviously don't think people think anyone "deserves" to die for posting a picture of a famous "drug celebrity" on BL, although it is a pretty fucking stupid thing to do, IMO......


----------



## Lysis

BlueHues said:


> I personally have friends who have died of overdoses, and to post pics of curt cobain and Jim Morrisson misses the point, trivializes the whole thread and renders it meaningless....Did you really start an account on BL to bitch about my post?!  Care to qualify by sharing any personal experiences or people that you've known that have overdosed or died from drugs?
> 
> I obviously don't think people think anyone "deserves" to die for posting a picture of a famous "drug celebrity" on BL, although it is a pretty fucking stupid thing to do, IMO......



I agree with you. Posting celebrities just depersonalizes the thread.


----------



## mister

This thread is the most sobering, sad and timely reminder to all of us to be careful, to care for our bodies and minds as much as possible.

To look after your friends and family, be aware as much as you can as to whats going on in peoples lives and to say something if you think things arnt right.

I hope this thread doesnt grow any quicker, if at all.

My heart goes out to all those who have past away, and to all those who have lost someone.


----------



## BlueHues

It's kind of strange, when I was in my early twenties, a lot of people moved on from the drinking and weed and psychedelics onto the heroin and cocaine and pills....and for a few years it seemed like a lot of people in my extended circle of friends died, particularly from heroin....that was the late 90s and it was very prevalent for a few years...

After that, for the next 8 years, it seemed like the people that didn't OD in the beginning just kind of dragged through lives as "druggies" for awhile, not really going anywhere or accomplishing much, but kind of surviving....

Now for the last few years in my 30s , a lot of people I know that have been using a ton of drugs for a long time have been dying....I personally know 5-6 people who have died from mixing opiates and benzos in the last few years....

Just last month my mom's best friends son, who has been an acquaintance of mine for years died from methadone and carisprodol(bad drug to mix with other shit).....I don't have a picture on hand though...oh well


----------



## areros18

*For XBURTONCHIC*

Dearest xburtonchic:
You just saved my life. I am on prozac, suboxone and Valium - I have been tapering my sub dose because I've been having mad opiate cravings. All I have found are 5/325 & 7.5/325. My usual dose is 70 mgs at a time... How many mgs of apap would that have been in one sitting? 
Thank you.


----------



## areros18

*The day my friends were murded and my life died 1991*






[/IMG]
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




[/IMG]
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




[/IMG]
in loving, hurtful, angry, PTSD
memory of my high school friends who were young and foolishly in search of fun at any cost. Later each girl was to die for no reason in Kathy's home in an upscale neighborhood by the Pasadena Rose Bowl. the killers were two White Pride tweekers with nothing to lose. and a single gun shot to the head for each girl.. Disgusting end to  a night of music, cruising,meth and alcohol. The girls bickered with two boys who should have never entered kathy's home and much less entered our lives. The boys had been locked out of Kathy's guest house where she stayed and threw daily parties. Parents were never home. 
boys, 16 &17 killed them in search of veengance? provocation? a joke turned sour?.. the boys broke into Kathy's main house, located a shotgun and ammo- in Kathy's step dad's closet (not locked- we all knew he collecyed guna and had played with them before) crawled back up and ambushed the girls. Kathy and Heather were awake and taken by surprise. They were shot first. My angel, Danae, was asleep in bed. Fetal position. They aimed at the back of her scull and took her away from us. 
Assholes washed their clothes in washer downstairs, cleaned themselves up. Ate something and made plans. They stole Kathy's mom's Mercedes and drove to Oregon to meet one of their dads . A dirt bag white pride POS. 
A week before this incident Kathy and I argued about our wreckless behavior. Out of anger my last words to her were: "if you don't slow it down you'll end up dead". I didn't mean it. I just wanted to scare her. She laughed and called me a spazz. 
Heather "Tinker" 1972- march 1991
Kathy feb 14, 1973-march1991
Danae sept.12,1973-march1991 

My life will never be the same without any of you.

Dave & Vinnie. I hope your premium  Aryan asses are being torn daily.


----------



## thestudent14

Just went through this threads, condolences to everyone. Moving stuff, too many too young =(


----------



## sunflowery2020

RIP to all that were really just searching for answers, peace, and to be comfortable in their own skins. All my best to everyone.


----------



## DonMakaveli

No lie, this is really sad.. I know people die everyday from drug ODs its nothin new but bein a member of this BL community n seeing so many ppl, most young, who were members of this same community passed away prematurley due to OD, is sobering.. Who were close friends with some of u all, its almost kind of surreal.. My condolences to all of those whos friend or relative on here passed away. Im no stranger to knowin the pain u get from losing friends around u, not cool.


----------



## shimazu

My cousin died from a drug overdose when I was 14 and before I really knew about drugs. I dont know 100% for sure but I think it was heroin related. I never had anyone I would consider an "inner circle" friend pass away if that makes sense, but I know a few people who were friends of inner circle friends that have. Two were from heroin overdoses and the other was from a combination of benzos and alcohol. And that's just people I would talk to on a somewhat regular basis, there's a lot of people I wasnt really friends with but knew who they were and would recognize them if I saw them in the street that died too. It is hard at first but life stops for nobody. 

There is a grieving time that should be allocated for sure, and you always want to remember the person for the good times they had, but in the end, we must all move on. It's not like everyone is going to live forever anyway, and if I were to die of an OD I would not want people to feel suffering over a choice I ultimately made in the end.

Of course it's not that easy because life is never that easy. But the greatest advice my grandfather ever gave me was at my cousin's wake. He was pretty quiet throughout the whole affair (I mean, even for a wake he was quiet) and I'll never forget as we were walking out after the last pass byes and everything he just looked me in the eye and said _"Don't do what he did and trade 40 years of your life for 40 minutes of happiness."_

And at the time I was still pretty naive to everything about drugs so I was just like "uh yeah sure I wont" and just kind of forgot about it for a while. But looking back now after having used opiates and other drugs, I realized he was exactly right. 

You need to think about all the time and effort people have invested into your life. And I realize not everyone has the most stable and supportive family, and that sucks because those are the people that make you feel the most empathetic. But if you have a family that cares about you, or even someone who cares enough about you to post your pic in this thread to keep your spirit living on, just take a long and deep look at what opiates really are. Because if you leave this Earth, not only are you wasting your life, but you are forever scarring anyone who has ever truly cared about you.

I'm not going to preach to anyone here because everyone must come to their own conclusion about moral choices in life, because we all have different morals. But I would hope that all of you at least have the moral of not wanting to harm people you are close to. So the next time you're thinking about doing that next shot, or driving home from the bar because you cant get a DD, or doing that speedball, just take a second and think of anyone who's ever given up a moment of their time to help you out. 

Because if they are kind enough to give you at least a moment, you sure as hell dont want to make them give up the rest of their lives wondering what could have been.

Sorry for the long post but I've just thinking a lot about this stuff lately because until you actually see someone there one day and then never again, it doesnt truly sink in how tragic it is.

And until we all meet them again on the other side just keep your head up and know that nobody disappears from existence entirely, we are all just constantly reforming into new matter and as long as you keep the memory of these people in your hearts you can know that somewhere out there their spirit is still infused within this ever fascinating and changing universe.


----------



## lalapanda

Anomaly88 said:


> Cassie, 23. Heroin OD
> 
> *NSFW*:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kenzi, 20. Heroin OD
> 
> *NSFW*:





Holy crap Kenzi looks like a girl I knew. D:


This thread is making me want to cry omfg


----------



## wondci2

I just lost my best friend/love of my life to heroin OD two weeks ago. I'm broken.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I never thought I'd have to post here. I can't believe he is gone. He is no longer struggling with his addiction. But I would give anything to have him back.


----------



## pofacedhoe

its one thing to hear about people in the middle of a heavy iv heroin habit dying from an overdose but,

my friends dad topped himself after a 20 year (we think) functional cocaine addiction. after being found out and coming off the coke he tried to kill himself once, then around a month later did it for real.

people often think that you can play around with hard drugs, and you can _but_ you can seriously mess your head up and even if you dont OD the depression you are left with can be fatal.

a lesson for all to moderate your use of hard drugs like cocaine


----------



## F1n1shed

^ i cannot imagine being a long time addict of cocaine. I mean i've been addicted to heroin numerous times and it has a stronger pull than coke. But coke has those awful crashes, doing your last line and feeling impending doom about to come hit you. I cannot imagine going through coke crashes every day,  harsh.


----------



## DrunkardsDream

mrflowers00 said:


> i find this to be very disrespectful to those who lost their lives



Do you mean the pics of the famous musicians? Or the entire thread?


----------



## DrunkardsDream

This entire thread makes me sad.  rest in peace.

Two guys I went to highschool with who OD'd on heroin or some form of opiate or OD'd somehow in their early 20s.  Another guy I went to HS with died while driving drunk in his early 20s.

A friend who hung himself in his early 20s and another friend who did it at 27.


----------



## Bob Loblaw

Harrison K, on the right 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




He should have turned 21 today, but instead he died exactly 6 months ago . I think back on all the times I've ODed, including last week, and I wonder what was so different between him & me.


----------



## Hammilton

He just got there first.

Try not to follow him!


----------



## fighting4freedom

My father died from an opiate overdose after 9 months of sobriety, he was 49 years old.I have the deepest compassion for anyone who has suffered such a tragic loss... losing my dad has been a painful inspiration for me to quit using myself.When i am in the pains of withdrawal and desire to use- i think of him and it gives me strength(but also makes me cry) Im so sorry about your sister- RIP


----------



## Pagey

shimazu said:


> _"Don't do what he did and trade 40 years of your life for 40 minutes of happiness."_



Wise words. Thanks for that post shim, it was very powerful. 
I just teared up going through this thread. So many beautiful people who shouldn't have left us so early. We can only hope they've found peace now, wherever they are.
I'm so sorry for anyone who's had to go through this.


----------



## Northern LIGHTS

managed to stumble upon this thread, figured id contribute in a way.

an acquaintance of mine and a friend of several of my friends OD'd on a combo of Xanax and alcohol, possibly other pills only about a month ago.  lived alone, and wasn't found until 3 days later.  his name was mason and he was 20.  from what I saw he was one of the nicest, funniest, and most down to earth dudes anyone could ever meet.

it sucks because many of my good friends are wayyy to heavy into drugs.  I just have a strong feeling that its going to happen to them some day soon.  one of my buddies is heavy into opiates and prescription meds and I haven't seen him for a while, makes me worried a bit. 

also, i have a strong feeling that my best childhood friend in the world since i was 4 years old in little league is going to OD soon or kill himself.  been through several rehab sessions and relapses with heroin, crack, coke, pcp, etc.. and hes now in jail for second degree burglary or something on those lines.  honestly am glad he is in jail since it will hopefully keep him away from that crazy shit for good.  been doing that shit since he was no older than 13 or 14.  crazy...

i have a near overdose story where i took too much of a mislabeled batch of LSD which was really a DOx or BDF, and took a few pts of molly as well.  was sitting in a corner for 1-2 hours convulsing, felt cold everywhere (likely hyperthermia), and couldn't feel my arms or legs.  also was throwing up and what not.  somehow made it out of that only to have my current best bro (alcoholic) call me talking about jumping off of an 8 story roof.  talked him out of it luckily, but it all just hits heavy.  2 days later i was still tripping and losing feeling in my legs so i had to check myself into ICU, where i would see flashes of literal hell every time i closed my eyes.  This was back in September, and has had a very long lasting impact. 

All this shit really just makes me realize how close I actually was to dying myself.  I was really into coke for about a year+ (first tried at about 15, but got really into it around xmas time a year ago), MDMA, LSD, and pretty much would take anything i could get my hands on.  In crazy combinations and dosages too.  Luckily I've been clean off of everything except occasional weed and drinking for 6 months.  the path to that has been hell, but lately ive been happier than ever.  to all of those that are having an awfully hard time coming clean, just know that time will heal, and you will feel much better when the moment passes.  your life is not worth a few hours of being high.

RIP to those lost.


----------



## ChickenScratch

lost a good one on saturday.  pic of me and him being dumb just a few weeks ago when he was in town for the final 4.  huge louisville cards fan, so i'm glad he got to see his boys win the natty.  still a little shocked over this.  not determined if it was drug related yet, or not.  RIP ruben.  you were a helluva dude.  he's in the hat.


----------



## neversickanymore

Pillthrill said:


> I really wish we never had to lose another person. It just breaks my heart.


 some day soon


----------



## DrinksWithEvil

molly/methadone/xanax. bout 6 years ago. Rip buddy.




was found murdered in glendale about 3 months ago with his head bashed. Drug deal gone wrong. Nicest kid in the world went to highschool with him and partied together. In the best year of our lives.


----------



## severely etarded

^  murdered? fuck!

I almost ended up here... hydrocodone, valium, dxm, and dextroamphetamine. pretty sure I almost died but I woke up gasping for air, covered in sweat head to toe, like I stopped breathing. I guess I'm lucky to be alive but I kinda wish I died cuz it was a half-assed suicide attempt trying to make it look like an accidental overdose of too many drugs... If I dosed any higher on any of those my intentions would have been obvious in the toxicology and I would have succeeded I think


----------



## F1n1shed

molly/methadone/xanax   you would think the molly would counter the methadone and xanax because it would stimulate the body to stay awake and alive.
But who knows, it shows we all need to be careful. Drugs are so unpredictable , especially combos.
I think the vodka, xanax, mdma combo i did was pretty stupid as well as all the other shit i've mixed  : (


----------



## severely etarded

^ methadone + SSRI's is a huge no-no if I'm not mistaken.  And MDMA huge SSRI effect. . Methadone potenciates a lot of substances extremely.  I once took a methadone 5 and a percocet 5 and I'm pretty sure I almost died. My body did not like the way 500 mg apap + 5 mg oxycodone. + 5 mg methadone mixed at all. Cold sweats real heavy breathing bfreaked me the fuck out.


----------



## F1n1shed

I see, that makes sense.
And to think some people think methadone doesn't get you high .....   : |


----------



## BlueHues

If you don't have a tolerance to opiates, methadone gets you high!  If you use it for a long period of time, it pretty much loses all it's recreational value.  You can still always take enough to "get high".  It definitely fucks you up, but it's definitely not the most euphoric opiate.


----------



## heyit'sme

8-17-2012 I lost my first real love to a methadone overdose. We were alone on the beach, his favorite place. He didn't make it to his nineteenth birthday. His was the first real death I had ever experienced. He died in my arms. I forget we were just kids. (wish I had a picture, I just stumbled upon this forum and really wanted to share.)


----------



## some dude

^ could you possibly elaborate on the dosage he took /was taking a few days before? Where you with him at the beach when it happened? What happened? If any of these questions are inappropriate I totally understand. I feel curious about more specifics on how these ODs went down. I feel like I had a close call with the 'done that might have taken one of my 9 lives. I'll post that story soon.


----------



## heyit'sme

he had been taking the pills the whole month. first in moderation but the last day it had to have been at least four in less than an hour. i had asked him to stop after i saw him take the last one. we were drinking and wandering around. playing in the water. then he told me he was tired. he said he wanted to sleep. so i said it was okay. a half hour later he was out cold. i tried waking him up but he just groaned. so i didn't think anything was terribly wrong. i just thought he was messed up. i woke up seven hours later and he was dead. i didn't understand. he couldn't be dead. but he was so cold. i tried hugging him, trying to warm him up. i tried to pick him up but he outweighed me. i tried to start a fire but it was too windy. i opened his eyes and saw them fixed straight. that's when it really hit me. i sat on him and pulled his face up to my chest and just sobbed. i looked into the woods and just screamed "why", because that's all i could think. i ended up running to his mom's house and telling her i couldn't wake him up. the whole experience was devastating to say the least. traumatizing. it's so easy to believe someone is invincible. he had previously survived three overdoses. i still can't help but think the only reason he didn't pull through that time was because it was me that was supposed to take care of him, and i failed.


----------



## BlueHues

^I'm so sorry, I know how it feels.....It's not your fault, you didn't know he was ODing and by the time you woke up he had probably been gone for awhile.  Don't blame yourself....Easier said than done, I know.  It's so strange to have someone go that way because it just happens so quietly...they're just there one minute and gone the next.  It's very hard to believe it's actually happening.  That's the nature of an opiate overdose though.  you take a little too much, you just stop breathing and die.  He didn't suffer at all that way though....It's pretty much like going to sleep and never waking up.  Which is what makes it even stranger. People who die that way never even have any clue that they're dying.  The last thing he was aware of is that he went to sleep.  you'll probably never feel good about it, but try to hold on to the memory of your friend and not waste what's left of your life drowning in guilt.


----------



## manboychef

I no longer keep his picture around. Sean dec18 2012. 

He killed himself. Reading this thread reopened the void in my heart he once occupied. I wish he would have reached out I would have done anything for him. The world is full of cynical assholes and he was a spot of joy in that for my circle of friends...whenever his name comes up we all shed a tear. The first night I met him he made me eat three extremely potent brownies( unwittingly). I'm usually very introverted but he reached me in a way no one could. I owe the fact I'm sober today to him prodding me into rehab. He was the only one that wrote me or visited....now I'm sobbing but maybe its good to let it out.


----------



## forte

trainwreckmolly said:


> what makes me really sad is there are just as many, if not more, suicides than overdoses that people are posting about on here.  suicide is much more preventable than an overdose.  i know it can be hard to do so but people just need to reach out and get help when they really need it.  I'm one of the lucky ones to not have lost anyone close to me from a drug related overdose or suicide.  I hope that's something I never have to go through.  If ANY of you are having suicidal thoughts, feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.



I find this thread very sad to read.  I'm a recreational drug user and I've known a few people who have died from od and one person in particular who I liked greatly who died from an H overdose as the result of a slip during recovery about fifteen years ago.  H devastated her and it's terrible that as she was turning the corner she left this world and her parents childless. She was a strong character and is missed greatly by her close friends and family alike I'm sure. I think of her from time to time and the potential she had that went unrealised.  I can't bring myself to agree with the above comment though. Suicide is often the product of a long drawn out battle with depression be it drug induced or otherwise and a great deal of thought often goes into it. Overdose in my opinion is often a result of careless drug use rather than drug use per se (in these cases that is not to suggest those who od deserve their fate but rather that they bring it upon themselves to a degree).  Sad as it is could anyone deny that this thread describes some drug users who would still be alive if they had used drugs more carefully? To me that makes overdose much more preventable than suicide though of course help is available for both depression and addiction and should be sought in either case.  My thoughts go out to all those who have lost love ones to drugs in this thread and elsewhere.  Be safe.


----------



## citizen cained

My mum, died 8/11/12 aged 54 from liver disease resulting from alcohol addiction, I miss you every day mum and I just wished I had one more day to spend with you and I wish I was able to do more to help you quit. Without you, I wouldn't be the person I am today, you did a fantastic job in raising 3 kids by yourself and sacrificed so much for us


----------



## Readbetweentheline

Emma M.  A friend of mine I met in Rehab.  Died 31/08/2013 from a massive heartattack caused by her alcoholism.  RIP Enile - I will miss you my dear friend - hope your up there playing with Mickey and hanging with your Nan.


----------



## neversickanymore

Clay.. aw man. and holy, shit you are by no means the end and by no means the beginning.. pills and booze.. and my god this is a worldwide epidemic.. 
Sarah McLachlan - Angel 






AND YET TOMORROW THERE WILL STILL BE AMAZING PEOPLE DYING OF THIS ALONE AND ASHAMED 

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????...


----------



## belfort

i actually think many overdoses are suicides, just disguised..rip to all these folks..


----------



## IXinX

Holy crAp, last posted in here 5 years ago and re-read it all. What a terrible, poignant and necessary thread. I find it uncanny I stumbled upon it after deciding that earlier today I am going sober. And to think that only yesterday I was having an anxiety attack and being carted off to ER. I took some unknown drug that was given to me on Saturday night and am only starting to feel myself again today. 

I have two friends to add to this list at a later date. Two absolutely beautiful guys, one od'ed on heroin on a Friday night after finishing work at a new job, another hung himself after a huge amount of whiskey. He. Posted pictures to his Facebook of the noose he made and commented can't wait to try it out, and no one did anything,,, teArs me up whenever I look at their facebookls now. Stay strong people and love yourselves and each other


----------



## RVAbrowntownRVA

So sad...I'm sorry for yalls losses.


----------



## CJinHighland

Not only is it Veterans Day here in the U.S. it is also one of my very best friends Birthday. RIP Jim W. Burns 11/11/66--7/7/88.

"Foote" as he was known by growing up was a truly great guy that loved fast Fords and having a great time died way too young. His GF came home to their new place they were moving in to to find him with a trash bag over his head. Some fool a week before had showed him at a party how to put nitrous oxide from his racecar bottle into a bag and put the bag over his head to get high. I guess it worked fine when there was other people around to take the bag off his head, not so well doing that when he was alone. Will visit your grave today and pour the customary Colt 45 40oz. bottle by your headstone...

If I can come across a good picture of him in the archives I will post it. He was a 6' 5'' carrot top with a big quirky got something on you smile. Miss you forever...


----------



## pierrat

Every time I see a vet or active service member, first I thank them for serving then I thank them for the freedom I "do" have. I think others should do the same. People bitch about the freedoms we don't have, I think we should be thankful for the freedoms we "do" have. God Bless our military thanks to them we are THE SUPER POWER!!! Hey man there ARE worse places to live!!!


----------



## kaotic42

Well, I'm feeling somewhat morose today. Just lost another great freind of15 years a couple weeks back. Makes me think of how much death the drug scene has brought into my brief 34 year existence. I'm not sure if I can even remember all of them... how frakking sad is that?

2014 - Ginger Andy; MXE overdose
2013 - Kelly R. - 28yrs old; Cancer
2013 - Screech - 30yrs old;Heroin overdose
2012 - Kyle - 17yrs old; hung herself
2011 - Big Phil - 29yrs old; cocaine + heart defect
2011 - Ian H. - 25yrs old; Polydrug/legal highs overdose
2010 - Big Seano; 28yrs old;polydrug overdose, died in my arms
2010 - Donna - 41yrs old; went out with brain cancer whilst on LSD

Screw this, I can't do this anymore... :'(


----------



## herbavore

That is a lot of people, kaotic.


----------



## brahbruhbro

my mom died of a heroin overdose alone in the back of a shitty fucking buick in the middle of nowhere. that's all i know. the only picture i have to post is a grave stone but i don't want to get that intimate with all you junkie fucks on the account of all the incriminating bullshit i plan to do on this site, no offense. idk i'm pretty deep in the shit myself and don't really know how it'd be if ma was around today. could kill her or it could of been a weirdo sid vicious kind of relationship. well here's to you mom, live on in infamy in some back page drug discussion board. i'm sure you'd think it kind of funny or sad enough to laugh about.


----------



## lowski E

when i was 17, i lost a friend Andy Davidson who i knew from preschool and always hung out and skateboarded, who went to a different high school, and died of a speedball overdose, and his "friend" left the scene without calling the cops because he was afraid of getting in trouble.....stupid chicago laws back then, then about a month ago my friend Matt Oneill, who i smoked pot with for the first time, died of an appartment benzo, adderall, heroin overdose, ill never really know, but we kept in close contact and he actually called me that night to come over and party in the city, but i said no because i had work in the morning, early.  He got really mad at me and i was worried so i called another best friend and he said to stay away from those drugs, which i did and the next night i found out he locked himself in his room, and did the drugs, overdosed and passed.  31 years old, what a waste of a life, he had so much going for him too.....at least he is with his dad now, which probably made him go to the level he was at, his dad was a vietnam vet, who he would always talk about and his storys that matt told me about his experience were mind blowing.  I just hope they are watching out for their family, friends, and are in a paradise.  I hope for Andy and Matt that they had some reason for this to happen.  Maybe it saved my life, because i have touched h since his death.  I also think of the consequences before doing stuff now.  I pray for their family and like they always say, "Only the good die young"


----------



## PetalToTheMetal

My friend's uncle drank himself to death. I really looked up to the guy, he was kind of a father figure type. Cool Native American who always told me to hold my head up high, and was funny as fuck and great to hang with. Rip.  

My father. Died from liver failure after years of boxed wine and poly drug use. Rip.

My step grandfather. Drank himself into near comas ever day, and developed onset Alzheimer. Died during a house fire in January last year. Rip 

Dizzy, a friend of a friend. I didn't know the guy, but if she liked him, he must have been one hell of a person. Died from a bad batch of chems. Rip

Zack. After dealing with gender identity, drugs, abuse, and sexuality, he hung himself. Possibly murdered. Rip


----------



## nygiants1313

PetalToTheMetal said:


> My friend's uncle drank himself to death. I really looked up to the guy, he was kind of a father figure type. Cool Native American who always told me to hold my head up high, and was funny as fuck and great to hang with. Rip.
> 
> My father. Died from liver failure after years of boxed wine and poly drug use. Rip.
> 
> My step grandfather. Drank himself into near comas ever day, and developed onset Alzheimer. Died during a house fire in January last year. Rip
> 
> Dizzy, a friend of a friend. I didn't know the guy, but if she liked him, he must have been one hell of a person. Died from a bad batch of chems. Rip
> 
> Zack. After dealing with gender identity, drugs, abuse, and sexuality, he hung himself. Possibly murdered. Rip



Im sorry for your losses. Ive had a bunch of close people die so i know its not easy. I hope you are doing well!!


----------



## littlegypsymoth

I will try to get these right:
Micah car accident drinking & driving
Dan (Danimal) & Mike four wheeling accident drinking & driving
Jack car accident alcohol & cocaine
Nick heroin overdose
Paul drinking & driving
TJ possible heroin overdose
His brother Connor drinking & driving motorcycle accident
John heroin overdose
Lexie heroin overdose

Its sad that I know there are more but I can't recall at this moment. 

Fare the well we love you more than words can tell....


----------



## Crazyfrog

Drugs are awful. That make you feel like a  god at first.But rob your spirit  last. Rip to Johnny , alcohol.  Drank his brains out  on his birthday at a club .  Got kicked out and passed out in the cold  outside while his party friends continued  to party inside.


----------



## pill_billy

shelly- suicide by OD
mike- fucked up on xanax while drivin
zach- hit n run by drunk driver
jimmy- liver failure from bangin
jessica- OD
sonny- suicide by OD
jessica- drunk drivin
little brandon- suicide
april- OD


----------



## Readbetweentheline

Rip Thomas Suicide






Rip Andy - Overdose


----------



## beardwhip

Rest in pizza, Jeremy Lee Rutt. 

17 years old. Xanax, alcohol, and a fight with his girlfriend. such a fucking shame, he knew better than this. How the fuck...


----------



## username08

beardwhip said:


> Rest in pizza, Jeremy Lee Rutt.
> 
> 17 years old. Xanax, alcohol, and a fight with his girlfriend. such a fucking shame, he knew better than this. How the fuck...







Before you make commets like this you should know what you're talking about, jeremy was in the hospital on life support for 3 days they did a drug test and he tested negative for drugs only an hour after he shot himself. He had a bad childhood that led up to his death, his mother and father were evil people. Jeremy should of been stong enough to handle the fight with his girlfriend, but he wasn't on drugs when he killed himself... which is probably why he shot himself he should of never stopped smoking weed! R.I.PEACE Jers.


----------



## SluttyPeach

I tried to post a picture with no luck.

This is dedicated to my friend, Quincey. He committed suicide by overdose on saturday.. no words. I'm sorry you felt so shitty about everything Quincey, if only I had done something to help you, or if you had sent me a message before deciding to take your life. The streets were unkind to you but I hope you'll always know we care about you, and then some. Maybe one day we'll get to hang out and toke up again like old times. Your short life was hard but now you don't have to hurt anymore buddy. 

RIP Quincey G.
5/2/91 - 5/30/15


----------



## yuseaname7

This one is for Ian J, or mysticotaku on aim/ irc way back when.  You opened my eyes to a world I needed to see, you gave me the tools to transcend from the falsehoods of everyday life and to accept truth at face value instead of believing lies.  

Your untimely passing in 08 haunts me to this very day.  I am not mad at you for taking that lethal combo of dextromethorphan and methadone, but that day your brother died inside as did we all.  The so-called Christians that you had to live with when you came to my area are have been facing the fact the fact they played a key part in your final downward spiral.  I was broke, living in that hellhole of a college but I would go days without so I knew that even though you were on the streets you'd have food, some phone minutes and and a pack of marlboros. I even got my roommate to agree to have given you the couch before you moved back to live with your mom.

Its a shitty deal how the world will devour you, chew you up and spit you back out.  I know how much you were hurting.  I did everything I could to help, but the help you really needed was beyond my reach.


----------



## herbavore

^ Even though I don't know the whole story, what you have written here paints a very sad picture indeed. I am sorry for the loss of life and for all the suffering his death caused.


----------



## duckman2

Andy Y- hung himself on bathsalts
Miss you bro. Bath salts are evil


----------



## chrisastler94

brother sadly thats what it takes some times to relize the true evil that is drugs...good luck in ur sobriety


----------



## RivieraLife

My deepest respects to all those who are gone, but not forgotten. I am so sorry for all of your losses, from the bottom of my heart.  xxx


----------



## lalapanda

(I have more flattering pictures, but I didn't want to post my daughter on here.)


> Dear Kev,
> this came as such a shock to me. I just found out a couple days ago, looking for you on Google.
> I cried, I was shaking and I haven't stopped having nightmares about it.
> I'm so sorry on the terms we ended on, it was stupid of me to go through your emails, but I really was concerned about you. (It had nothing to do with jealousy.)
> I will always remember you as the beautiful person you were, drugs weren't you. They just had too much control over you.
> I'm surprised your memory book isn't over loaded with pages. You had such a likable personality, you were real. (I'm just going to add in how beautiful your eyes were and how your smile made me have butterflies in my stomach, but you already knew that.)
> I loved it when you talked about how much you love your mom, how you were getting better.. It breaks my heart, that you left this world so young.
> You were so lovely to my whole family, and I loved how sweet you were to -edit- (daughter). She really liked you.
> I'll miss you even though it's been 2 years since we talked, I'll always miss who you were. I don't know if there's something better in the afterlife, or if we get reincarnated.. But I hope the best for you and that beautiful soul of yours.
> I'm not good at saying goodbye, and just thinking about you literally not being on this earth is bewildering to me. It reminds me that no one is invincible.
> I hope that this was honestly an accident and you didn't mean to hurt yourself, because the thought of it being a suicide is even more distressing. I also hope it didn't hurt too much or (at all.)
> This is so sad to even think about, I can't even imagine how your family feels.
> 
> Rest in peace, Kevin.
> Where ever "peace" may be.
> 
> Posted by: lalapanda  Sep 20, 2014
> 
> -Obituary posting



I still miss you and I still feel the same way. 

Fuckin' heroin... Takes some of the most loveliest people out of this world.

I'm so sorry for everything, Kev.


----------



## lowski E

my best friend matt oneill died about 6 months ago from a heroin, xanax, adderall, and whatever he was doing overdose.  He texted to come over and party and i told him i was done with that stuff (except prescribed xanax) but he got all this and got mad at me thru text, and i called one of my other best friends, and said to stay away.  I had work at 7am the next day so to this day i wish me and my other friend would have gone over there and threw away all the drugs.  But we didnt.  A day doesnt go by thinking about what we could have done.  It was his second overdose from about 6 drugs in his system, but i miss him like crazy.  He was funny, serious when he needed to be, loved his dad who was in vietnam, but he was a table junky just like i was.......his dad who served in vietnam passed about 5 years ago....and i think he wanted to be with him.....ill never know but i love you man.  I miss you to death.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




e


----------



## lowski E

lowski E said:


> when i was 17, i lost a friend Andy Davidson who i knew from preschool and always hung out and skateboarded, who went to a different high school, and died of a speedball overdose, and his "friend" left the scene without calling the cops because he was afraid of getting in trouble.....stupid chicago laws back then, then about a month ago my friend Matt Oneill, who i smoked pot with for the first time, died of an appartment benzo, adderall, heroin overdose, ill never really know, but we kept in close contact and he actually called me that night to come over and party in the city, but i said no because i had work in the morning, early.  He got really mad at me and i was worried so i called another best friend and he said to stay away from those drugs, which i did and the next night i found out he locked himself in his room, and did the drugs, overdosed and passed.  31 years old, what a waste of a life, he had so much going for him too.....at least he is with his dad now, which probably made him go to the level he was at, his dad was a vietnam vet, who he would always talk about and his storys that matt told me about his experience were mind blowing.  I just hope they are watching out for their family, friends, and are in a paradise.  I hope for Andy and Matt that they had some reason for this to happen.  Maybe it saved my life, because i have touched h since his death.  I also think of the consequences before doing stuff now.  I pray for their family and like they always say, "Only the good die young"



"It is better to burn out than to fade away"


----------



## ChickenScratch

Fucked up story about a good person.  Link in the thread to donate to the family if you're interested.


http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...anic-concert-thought-to-have-overdosed-on-LSD


----------



## SoxPatBru

Wanda T. She was a 42 year old mother of two children. She passed December 2014. She was one of the nicest and a most humble person. Last I saw her something clearly did not look right but I didn't ever think it would be heroin. It is really sad to see a mother leave two children behind. Their  father was arrested last month in his car. Cops were raiding his home and found him in the car unconscious. They had to hit him with Narcan twice just to arrest him. He was found with lots of pills and weapons. It's a sad story all around. Funny thing is when you are gone you are gone. You are so terribly missed by some but forgotten by most. Drugs do so much damage. 

Will not post picture out of respect for her children.


----------



## NaMean517

Kenneth E. Johnston 1965-2015
Supposedly died in his sleep after a day or 2 of speedballing meth and heroin. I Also think his heroin was cut with fentanyl tho. There were 3 fent overdoses in the neighborhood that same night. 
He was a good unkle, we both knew the other was using heroin, we did trips and noids and things together before, but for some reason we never took the heroin conversation further than confirming the other used. Was for the best I think. I like to hope he went to a better place, free of his various lifetime addictions, heroin being his last it seems. Keeping him in mind helped me quit heroin.

Walter H. Johnston 1947 - 1996
Dad, died when I was younger. Pancretic cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. Had many health problems as a result of being a lifelong alcoholic. Suffered many years, spent his last year or 2 sober, doctor thought he woulda lived longer had he kept drinking beer from what i hear. Shoulda took this knowledge as a warning at a young age, now I have colitis the rest of my days as the result of a galon of whiskey a day habit I managed to quit after waking up in the hospital after a blackout, took 30mg of klonapin and 20mg of etizolam and my daily ammount of alcohol. Dont remember attempting suicide tho.
Havent been an alcoholic since.
I wish I woulda had more time to get to know him before he passed away, I think about it all the time.

Will post photos and more names later. Those 2 are just the most personal to me.


----------



## cj

Meaghan G- 25 opiate overdose.

Darcy A 18 heroin overdose

Taylor S 18 Methadone and alcohol overdose


----------



## CruelBri

SO many friends of mine have died from drugs


----------



## evilpanda

I've lost two people close to me to drug OD.  

RIP Brent...heroin OD
RIP Jose....opana and xanax OD


----------



## Marktwang

For a once-close friend of mine, a kind, funny, and endearing person: 


Matt, 

Thank  you so much for befriending me and making me feel comfortable when I was lost and disoriented in my first year of college.  It's so strange to think that the vibrant person you were is gone; that all I have to fill the gaping hole you left is a collection of memories.

I remember our philosophical conversations and your surprising sensitivity.  I remember how we made pacts to stop using hard drugs, to hit up the gym, to stick to psychedelics--and how we actually believed ourselves. I remember how, in moments of sobriety, you told me that what you really needed was to leave Philly and travel far, far away.  And I will never forget that unfocused, distant look in your eyes when you told me how much it hurt that you'd given 10 years to heroin--one whole decade of your life that you'd never, ever get back.

Matt, I think that the full implications of your untimely passing still haven't completely sunk in for me.  For now, I can just say that words do not have the capacity to express how much I wish heroin hadn't taken your life as well.

A numbed and incomplete goodbye,
Justin


----------



## AmbarrZ

I think 

It's important to mention the ones who passed while they were high, or suffered from mental issues during their addiction.. 

It makes you realize how dangerous drugs can be.. And it also makes you aware that overdose-ing isn't that ONLY way to
Go
Out from drugs.. Not at all

They can fuck with your head.. Ur reality... Could happen ur first time, could happen after long term use. 
You might hurt yourself . You might hurt someone else . 
You might be just selling it and someone Robbs you and it goes bad .


Anyways 

RIP 

Sarah 23 Herion OD

Leland 23 Herion od 

Brandon 18 sucide & drunk driving 

I've noticed a few people I
Know that have OD, were actually
Clean for a bit and then decided to use , and that was the last thing they ever did. 
I don't know if they didn't understand about tolerance or what .. But that is so avoidable. so whoever is reading this , please remember tolerence goes down fast as shit . You can always do more but you can never take it away. (Unless u have naxalone but that's a different subject . Just DONT)


----------



## UpInFlames

This brings back the sort of memories that are making me cry.

I don't think a list of names from the 70s are going to mean much here, or a few soldiers from the late 80s, or the dozens lost AIDS in the late 80s and the 90s.

Just know that my heart goes out to all those who have been lost and to all those who mourn them.

I would've thought, based on how many of my friends died of opiates/oids and benzos w/wo alcohol in the 70's and early 80s, that by now, perhaps people would've caught on to the dangers. I am saddened that they have not.

And the suicides. Today the suicides that hit me close are the soldiers of my husband's generation. I feel like there will always be something that is killing off our  best and brightest, and until we can allay the pain beneath all of this, nothing will get better.


----------



## Jabberwocky

My sons father. 11 years ago last month. Iv oxy
rip Chris   Age 27


----------



## twoxtwo

RIP Corey B. 24, heroin OD. You kicked the shit for 6 months. Shouldn't have came back here man it's toxic. Everyone misses you.


----------



## Selfmeditaker

My younger brother, my best friend, my other and better half. We were like pb&j. He hung himself in our apartment almost 10 years ago. I walked in from a long days work and found him there... Tried to revive him but he was ice cold. It was part drugs but more so  finding out the "love" of his life, his first girlfriend was cheating on him/didn't wanna be with him anymore. He took a copious amount of drugs before, knowing he'd pass out as he hung himself. He only used pot but when he found out the truth he got the good stuff to not feel any of the pain. I love you and miss you brother even 10 years later. You were 18 and I was 20. I wonder what you'd be like today.... i find myself asking, brother why'd you have to go? You left us all too soon. Brother why'd you have to die, you finally made your brother cry. But I know your watching over me tonight. I know your watching over me tonight..


----------



## Burnt Offerings

resident of my home state, 24 years old, died in a cage while detoxing from heroin.

RIP & fuck the police

http://www.adn.com/article/20160409...etoxing-heroin-her-family-wants-wants-answers


----------



## herbavore

^Stories like this make my blood boil. The same thing just happened here in my so-called 'progressive' little town. These girls did not have to suffer like this and they did not have to die. My heart goes out to the parents who made a desperate decision that took their daughter's life rather than saving it.


----------



## Turk82

Most of us have lost friends to H or pills, in my graduating class of about 350 I can think of atleast 10 people I went to school with that died of O.D. or car accidents due to being high. So sad to see lives wasted so needlessly.


----------



## cj

Burnt Offerings said:


> resident of my home state, 24 years old, died in a cage while detoxing from heroin.
> 
> RIP & fuck the police
> 
> http://www.adn.com/article/20160409...etoxing-heroin-her-family-wants-wants-answers



Poor girl. When will we wake up and begin treating our most vulnerable with a little bit of compassion?


----------



## JackiePeyton

Solomon and his brother Willie 13 years before both to opiate overdoses. Their mom is my best friend. 






Methadone overdose, left a daughter, Randy aka "Pudge"


----------



## Lobsterbutch

One of my best friends Died of an overdose of IV clonozolam solution and other stuff, not sure what else. Talked to him a few days before it happened, always thought he'd pull through.


----------



## 777prp

OMG Chaos, I'm so sad for your MANY losses of friends and loved ones. I see your post was 12 yrs ago. Just wanted you to know you are not ALONE!


----------



## SS373dOH

20 pages of sad wake up calls.. I'm not going to post pics, but I'll add my $.02..

Karen- Heroin Od 09/2016 Survived by 2 kids
Fatty - Ketamine/Heroin/xanax OD 02/2013
Shawn - Shot in the head during a drug deal. 10/2014 
Valarie - 04/2015 Heart finally gave out after 3 OD's and years of prescription opioid abuse. Survived by 2 kids. I didnt know she passed until I seen her picture on the news.
Troy - Heroin OD 04/2013
Corey - Fentanyl OD 08/2010 Him and his brother thought it would be a good idea to lace a bowl a weed with fentanyl.. turned out to kill him.
Lydia - 04/2012 Not from drugs, but I nearly OD'd at the funeral, but she was my baby sis, died from a brain aneurism at the ripe age of 12. 
Lenny- 08/2015 Hit the back of a stopped school bus, doing 55mph, was drunk and had multiple drugs in his system.
Steve - 02/2001 Finally succumed to a long battle with alcohol.
Boone - 10/2002 Intentionally drove his truck into a tree, no brake marks. Was drunk at the time.
Matt - 08/2009 Heroin OD. Survived by a baby daughter. She has to be about 7 now, I havent seen her since he passed.
Matt - 09/2005 Shot himself in the head, was dealing with heroin addiction, a breakup, and was living out of his car. We were both 21 at the time..
Johnny - 11/2003 Died from sezuires that were a result of an attempted benzo detox. 

This is starting to get difficult, I'll edit my other homies that I've poured out 40's for at another time.


----------



## PetalToTheMetal

My father. Died from liver failure due to alcoholism about 2 years ago


----------



## herbavore

^There is such a sweet happiness in that picture.


----------



## Burnt Offerings

PetalToTheMetal said:


> My father. Died from liver failure due to alcoholism about 2 years ago



That's tough. My grandmother died from liver failure/alcoholism (before I was born, I never knew her personally)


----------



## PetalToTheMetal

herbavore said:


> ^There is such a sweet happiness in that picture.




Yeah.  It makes me think of how I'll be remembered



Burnt Offerings said:


> That's tough. My grandmother died from liver failure/alcoholism (before I was born, I never knew her personally)



I'm sorry to hear that man. Sadly alcoholism runs in my family. My brother is the only person I can think of who isn't affected by it


----------



## drchinacat

Claire (heroin overdose) 1993-2012
Zac aka Cuneo (Drug OD/heart failure) 1990-2016
Elizabeth aka Lizard (heroin OD) 1979-2016
kristen (heroin OD) 1991-2016
Libby (car accident//drugs involved) 1992-2010
Blake aka Goofy (Suicide/heroin addict) 1990-2015


love you and miss you friends. Life isn't the same


----------



## Breathe

Wow.

Damn.

I am currently sober, but sometimes
I need to remember the Life I came from.
I have lost dear friends, too.

To all of you who lost someone,
I am so sorry. Sincerely.

To all of you still "out there",
Imagine a life where the heights you reach
are higher than any drug could possibly achieve.
I am there, it is fucking possible!
PLEASE.....try it sometime.


----------



## badfish45

Somber reminders of what we have to lose.

My heart goes out to all of you


----------



## Dr.Mambo

Summer (my sister) '89-'15 heroin OD  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Nate (died from heart infection) 25 yo
Destry (went into diabetic coma from method use and died) 23


----------



## puke

So sorry you lost your sister.


----------



## cj

Sorry for your loss. She was quite beautiful


----------



## subotai

my friend Wayne who died from a heroin/benzo overdose almost 3 years ago. I'll think of him at the most random times it's crazy.


----------



## WSH

subotai said:


> my friend Wayne who died from a heroin/benzo overdose almost 3 years ago. I'll think of him at the most random times it's crazy.





is that him after the overdose?


----------



## WSH

Now some famous people from the "27 club" 

Amy Winehouse

Kurt Cobain

Jimi Hendrix

RIP to them all


----------



## Jekyl Anhydride

I actually got to speak with his family and discussed his life & death while in his parents living room beneath a large picture of him when he was young. I'm a bottle rocket but he was a shooting star..

Bradley Nowell-


----------



## Boupstarnm

Heh. I remember when this thread was new.
 Half of us are dead.
Keep it to psychedelics and dissasociatives.
Remember your brothers and sisters when you butter your toast.


----------



## badfish45

Jekyl Anhydride said:


> I actually got to speak with his family and discussed his life & death while in his parents living room beneath a large picture of him when he was young. I'm a bottle rocket but he was a shooting star..
> 
> Bradley Nowell-



 such a sad painful story from an individual who gave us so much beauty


----------



## D's

RIP Stephen, going to miss you brother.


----------



## d0wN

My bandmate and mentor, David Cheek aka Star, 1975, drug/alcohol overdose. Amazing guitarist, he could have owned the world. Still seems like yesterday, but it's been almost a life time. He was 22.


----------



## SherB1979

I actually did know Shannon Hoon. He was by far the sweetest guy you'd ever want to meet. And he was hella talented. Blind Melon was great band! It's unfortunate how many talented people are taken from us by this disease.


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## G.R.S.H.

A year ago today my son's father decided that the words he had said to his son earlier that day meant nothing. I have no idea what happened between the time he dropped my son off at school and when he decided that hanging himself in his mother's garage was the thing to do later the same day. I know this- the day before was the first time that my son had seen his father in over a year. At this point in his life, my then 15 year old son really needed his dad. They had spent the night and morning talking about all that had gone on his (my son's) life, his hopes, his hurts. His father told him 'I will be here for you, from now on. I will always be here for you.' and once again, my son believed him. The next day I received a text "Eddie's dead". My son, even now a year later, thinks it is his fault. My son, he thinks he is responsible.
Never mind that his father had started shooting meth at 12, never mind that his father was talking about how hard the heroin detox was on him. Never mind that his father hadn't been able to stay clean, cut down, or control himself for more than a year since he was 11. My son, he thinks he is responsible. 
Eddie's 'habits', his illness, killed him. He had made it to 41. My son was 15, he almost didn't make it to 16. His father's words will never go away, the promises that he made. The belief that because he made these promises, in his desire not to fulfill them, he killed himself to get away from his very own son. My son, he thinks he is responsible.
Our sickness, our habit, our escape, our desires- they effect so many people. There is so much pain on these pages, there is so much shadow for those left behind. Some say that 'some die, so that others may live'. Apparently some die so that others will feel responsible. 
If you reading this, thinking of the next step in your addiction, or even recovery (as plenty of us make it there before we decide to go), please think about those you are leaving behind. Think of those who will see your back and think you are running from them no matter how you are planning your escape. 
I am still afraid for my son, he thinks he is responsible for his father's death.


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## 1PlaneJane

G.R.S.H. said:


> A year ago today my son's father decided that the words he had said to his son earlier that day meant nothing. I have no idea what happened between the time he dropped my son off at school and when he decided that hanging himself in his mother's garage was the thing to do later the same day. I know this- the day before was the first time that my son had seen his father in over a year. At this point in his life, my then 15 year old son really needed his dad. They had spent the night and morning talking about all that had gone on his (my son's) life, his hopes, his hurts. His father told him 'I will be here for you, from now on. I will always be here for you.' and once again, my son believed him. The next day I received a text "Eddie's dead". My son, even now a year later, thinks it is his fault. My son, he thinks he is responsible.
> Never mind that his father had started shooting meth at 12, never mind that his father was talking about how hard the heroin detox was on him. Never mind that his father hadn't been able to stay clean, cut down, or control himself for more than a year since he was 11. My son, he thinks he is responsible.
> Eddie's 'habits', his illness, killed him. He had made it to 41. My son was 15, he almost didn't make it to 16. His father's words will never go away, the promises that he made. The belief that because he made these promises, in his desire not to fulfill them, he killed himself to get away from his very own son. My son, he thinks he is responsible.
> Our sickness, our habit, our escape, our desires- they effect so many people. There is so much pain on these pages, there is so much shadow for those left behind. Some say that 'some die, so that others may live'. Apparently some die so that others will feel responsible.
> If you reading this, thinking of the next step in your addiction, or even recovery (as plenty of us make it there before we decide to go), please think about those you are leaving behind. Think of those who will see your back and think you are running from them no matter how you are planning your escape.
> I am still afraid for my son, he thinks he is responsible for his father's death.



I'm so sorry G. I hope you've gotten your son into grief counseling. I hope that you've freed yourself of your addictions. I hope your son finds peace and stays far away from drugs and alcohol forever since he shares DNA with Eddie and the habits he had. I'd hate for him to experiment and love the feeling of "escape" that getting high may temporarily offer.

I will include y'all in my prayers tonight. 

Jane


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## G.R.S.H.

Thank you Jane


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## Redneckqueen

on your location you have USA..*sigh*...sux. So, you wish you lived somewhere else?


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## Jekyl Anhydride

Tim

A childhood friend with an Oxycodone Habit, a new pistol and denied rehab.


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## ConstanceG

I wish it was a requirement to read this before you could post...however, we may not have anyone posting then.  My heart to all and any one of you who has lost someone in whatever way.  Loss is loss.  ?


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## dood42069

I had a friend who had a meth addiction, then disappeared. I dont know what happened and I dont know if I will ever find out. Let peace be with him and free him of addiction.


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## Dustoff1

Alaysha Dean from Jacksonville Fl, died very young.  Now, even her social media posts are gone.  She seemed at peace and resigned the last time I saw her.


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## Chaos23

I started this thread about a decade ago. It saddens me that there have been so many additions over the years.

Life is a real motherfucker, and death is inevitable. 

I only hope that death avoids us until it cannot ignore us anymore. 

Here's to love, life, happiness, and hope my friends.


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## herbavore

^ I think the thread you started has offered something very important to people here. Many drug deaths are swept under the rug by everyone from family to communities. Here is a place where people can honor their friends and family members, acknowledging not only the pain that led to their deaths but the good their lives held as well. Thanks for starting it.


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## Chaos23

herbavore said:


> ^ I think the thread you started has offered something very important to people here. Many drug deaths are swept under the rug by everyone from family to communities. Here is a place where people can honor their friends and family members, acknowledging not only the pain that led to their deaths but the good their lives held as well. Thanks for starting it.



Thanks...  It's been a difficult few years for me again. 

My mother passed away in August of 2014 after consuming a marijuana edible I'd made her for her birthday. 

She had been smoking a little pot for a couple of years to help her sleep and help with melancholy. 

It was her 69th birthday and she ate half of the marijuana edible I'd made her. She had been on vacation playing golf for the week to celebrate. She had an aortic aneurysm and died pretty quickly thereafter. 

I blamed myself intensely for 3 years. I lost my shit completely. A total and compete case of misery and self- loathing that blaming yourself for your mother's death will give you. It was horrendous and has forever changed me. We were best friends. 

Then I got out of that funk and things were going really well. 

Now my life has been yet again flung into loss and chaos, albeit not to death this time. (I posted in SLR about it if anyone is curious) 

I guess I suppose I chose the correct screen name so long ago. I feel like chaos has followed me closely for my entire life. 

Facepalm.


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## cj

Chaos23 said:


> Thanks...  It's been a difficult few years for me again.
> 
> My mother passed away in August of 2014 after consuming a marijuana edible I'd made her for her birthday.
> 
> She had been smoking a little pot for a couple of years to help her sleep and help with melancholy.
> 
> It was her 69th birthday and she ate half of the marijuana edible I'd made her. She had been on vacation playing golf for the week to celebrate. She had an aortic aneurysm and died pretty quickly thereafter.
> 
> I blamed myself intensely for 3 years. I lost my shit completely. A total and compete case of misery and self- loathing that blaming yourself for your mother's death will give you. It was horrendous and has forever changed me. We were best friends.
> 
> Then I got out of that funk and things were going really well.
> 
> Now my life has been yet again flung into loss and chaos, albeit not to death this time. (I posted in SLR about it if anyone is curious)
> 
> I guess I suppose I chose the correct screen name so long ago. I feel like chaos has followed me closely for my entire life.
> 
> Facepalm.



That's just a freak accident. Not your fault at all


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## CFC

It absolutely isn't Chaos23's fault. Aortic aneurisms typically take years or decades to enlarge and weaken to the point where they split. I suspect he knows that, but I can also see how even so, he might feel guilty about the circumstances. In any case, I'm so sorry you had to go through that mate


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## Chaos23

Part of the grieving process is placing blame. Regardless of how someone dies, there is typically someone blaming themselves somewhere close by. 

The sharp increase in blood pressure from the edibles could have been enough to trigger the aneurysm. 

She might have lived another month, or another 15 years...but she didn't. There is no turning back the hands of time. 

The universe is exactly like it is at every moment in time. It couldn't possibly be any other way than it is right now, in this very moment. 

There were other things that could have triggered the aneurysm as well. She was medicated for high blood pressure, drank a lot of alcohol, and had been playing golf every day for a week. 

There isn't any way to know exactly what triggered it, but OF COURSE I had to blame myself. 

I've come to grips with it at this point, for the most part. It occasionally gets to me, but the intense grief has ended, as she would want it. 

Thanks for the replies.


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## TheBetz

I have no pics that I can post....but my partner of 5 years ODd on a combo of Xanax and opiates.  Found her next to me in bed on 7/7/2012.  
My dear Karen... REST IN PEACE.   Miss her every day.

Sherry - 6-27-60 - 03/17/2004... OD on Fentanyl patch.  Left behind three children.  Miss her and love her.


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## herbavore

I'm really sorry, Betz. That has to have been extremely traumatic. Hope you and her children are bearing it well.


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## Naomi Neu

*Dara Quigley*

The brightest mind in journalism, a woman who overcame the most harrowing abuses both mental and physical, kicking her way through a realm of addictions that have beaten the strongest men. Her voice was strident, powerful, her writing a vehicle for change both at home and abroad. A warm and funny individual with a few close friends and a great many admirers, her reputation grew at such an alraming rate that she soon became a threat to national security. Bullied, derided, harrassed, humiliated and denigrated. Dead in her mid-thirties, publicly humiliated by police and public alike after a video of her arrest was captured in the CCTV room of Garda HQ in Dublin and shared on social media. Found in a lake, her apparent suicide blamed on cannabis psychosis. No answers given for the abuses she suffered at the hands of law and family alike. 

12 April 2017. The world changed and will never be the same without you, in a worse way. 

We remember you. A natural diamond.


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## Naomi Neu

Apologies moderators, thought this was a forum for those "we" have lost. Read the rules and realise I misinterpreted the meaning. Delete as you see fit, I can't figure out where to do it myself. - Nay


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## herbavore

No problem, Naomi, thank you for the information. What a tragedy. Yes, pulling "cannabis psychosis" out of the hat was particularly cruel and hypocritical. Any chance you could attach a photo? I'm merging this into the thread for remembering people that have died from drugs although that is perhaps not the direct cause here.


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## Kratom777

tioski said:


> Jesus. I've stared death in the eyes several times during drug experiences only over the past 3 years as a result of my detrimental albeit common attitude towards drugs - *go big or go home*. And somehow, I still don't know if I've learned my lesson, having the most recent one of those experiences only last night with 15 pills in one sitting (pure and large dose). I'm the kind of guy who'd get the "Most Likely To Overdose" award in the high-school yearbook.
> 
> So with that said, this thread really gives my head a shake, presenting the very real risks I take when choosing to dance with the devil.




Bro, please seek help. I am not saying this to be a prick, but get help. I had two close calls with MDMA. I found out I am allergic to it. I puke and choke on it. It's too bad because it helped me but I can't use it. I am done with drugs. It isn't worth it. There are a lot of good things you can get addicted to like a healthy hobby, working out (w/o using steroids), learning, etc etc.

I really hope you can help. You "next dance with the devil" could be the last. Drugs aren't worth it. Choose life.


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## cj

Mathew caillen Brittain. Sucks your gone man. You won't be forgotten


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## LopLover

I lost my very best friend Linda C December 23, 1997, from an overdose of heroin and Klonipin. She was breathing when she went to bed but died some time in the night. Her house was locked so they had to put her little grand-daughter through the window to unlock the door. She was the first person to see her beloved Nana dead. We had been using together so I blamed myself for years. Still do, sometimes. I was saved from death so many times, so many ways. I thought it should have been me there, because Linda was funny and warm and loved everybody, and such a better person than me. I always feel like nobody would have really minded if I had died, although now that I'm reunited with my family I know that's not true. I have many more deaths that I could list, but I won't. I wish I knew why some people died and others survived. The circumstances of an addict's death are always so tragic, you know?


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## TamanRi

My brother died five months ago, age 27, shoot him self with something what was supposed to be coke, but was a bad deal, cut with methadone and some other pills. He was actually sober for some time, used to IV heroin, then was on meth  or just mix of all stuff possible.
 Then he got clean, seemed more stable then ever, wanted to have some fun that night, got some coke and died.  
  It seems we can?t run from it... and for me, I couldn?t deal with it sober, still fighting my addiction. Plus the blame, after we lose someone we love we realize all we could do, all we didn?t do, and sometimes we realize how much we love that person.


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## wondci2

I'm on year 5 of the loss of my dear boyfriend Curtis. The blame game is the hardest to fight and win within our self. It will forever be there and some days will be better then others. Just know...... that your friends and loved ones are there for you. Reach out to them if you need. I too am forever changed because of this death. 



https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152608451168356&l=363d3fb6a8


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## chompy

I will not post pictures of my friends that have passed away. May they rest in peace on the shrine.


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## RedHat

SonOF said:


> I guess it's my own naiveté, but I never thought about how many suicides were drug related (not overdosing on the drug, but killing oneself because one cannot deal with addiction).  I wish some of these people tried treatment before taking such a drastic step.
> 
> Sorry to all those who have lost.


Same here. That same thought dawned on me after I watched a documentary called _Reindeerspotting: Escape from Santaland_. Just an insane documentary about this little town thats full of junky kids that shoot subutex and how its ruining their lives and the town. After I watched it, I did some Googling, and, if I remember correctly, the producer of the documentary was actually the guy bringing in the Subutex and selling it to these kids. So he was getting them all hooked on this shit (getting rich), then filming how much its fucked their lives up (getting rich again). I was curious about if the main kid in the documentary got clean or not when the producer got locked up, and he actually ended up hanging himself, and I saw a picture of him hanging from a rope he tied to a fece. Kinda blew my mind. Theres a special place in hell for that asshole producer.


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## Mr.Heffo94

Kevin Dunne - 23 Years Old. Battled with heroin addiction, was going through withdrawls and things got to much on day 3. Hung himself in the construction site next to his parent's home. R.I.Paradise bro.


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## cowboycurtis

Andy B. 27
Likely heroin overdose/probable suicide. First dude I ever shot up with. Was homeless with him back in the day. Unfortunately he never made it off the streets. Really talented beatboxer and artist and heroin took it all away. I remember he got clean back in 2016 around the same time I did and was posting quite a bit on Facebook. Then he disappeared and some of his last posts (months to years apart) were asking for money/food or a ride to go boost. Then I heard he died. Really sad and eye-opening at the same time. It’s part of what started my current attempt to get clean.


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## SnarkalarkalarkThe

Heres me and my friend Ryan known as Help?!?! On this forum. Love you man


__
		https://flic.kr/p/2kq2VjX


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## phenethylo J

miss Help that dude was awesome


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## neversickanymore

RIP.  Dan K.. better known as dank.


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## w01fg4ng

NeoMeeko said:


> Jeremy aka Blu with his fiancee Rebbecca. True cause of death is unknown, but he died in his sleep with a very high amount of opiates in his system.


This is the first time I've addressed you directly here on bluelight, Jeremy.

I fucking miss you man.


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