# Really nerdy discovery from maths -- the fish curve



## VelocideX

You know that you've always wanted a fish curve
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/FishCurve.html


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## Chaos Butterfly

well now my life is complete.

well except for everything else that this fish curve didn't fulfil... which granted isn't much but is definitely enough to keep me existing


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## fake star

oh that makes my nerdy little heart cry out in joy.


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## Belisarius

I just came.  :D

Just kidding--I'm not a math person at all, but it is cool.  I'm more fond of the trochoid:

http://mathworld.wolfram.com/Trochoid.html


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## PGTips

When I'm bored I often go to Mathworld and click "Random Entry" till I find something of interest. 

http://mathworld.wolfram.com/ChaosGame.html is a good one for interesting pictures, generating fractals (but not always) depending on 2 conditions and an initial point. Shows how subtle changes can bring "order into focus" from otherwise seemingly random systems


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## SardonicNihilist

Random nerd joke:

There are 10 types of people in this world- those who understand binary, and those who don`t.

no explanation given


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## hashish2020

hahah SN


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## Nietzche

Wow.  I actually laughed at that joke.  :/


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## silverwheel

^Nerd! :D


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## Kul69

> There are 10 types of people in this world- those who understand binary, and those who don`t



That is wrong, there are 11 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who use calculators to pretend they do.. but I guess then they'd still fal in the "don't know category".. but I couldn't think of another reason to change it from 10 to 11


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## maybetinymaybesad

another math joke:

math nerds are -e^i*pi

or this oft-repeated one:

A well-known physics definition states that power equals work over time. It is also well known that knowledge is power, and that time is money. Substituting in these values yields the equation knowledge equals work over money, which can be rearranged to read money equals work over knowledge. As knowledge approaches zero, money grows infinitely large, no matter how much work you do! It is rumored that the day Bill Gates found out about this, he dropped out of Harvard.


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## VelocideX

math nerds are 1? I dont get it


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## PGTips

Shamelessly copied from posts of mine in The Lounge :

*Why didn't Cauchy like taking his dog for a walk?*

_Because it kept leaving residues at all the poles_

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_There's a big party and all the exponentials of x are invited. 2^x and 3^x are drinking beer and talking, 4^x and 5^x are deciding what CDs to put on, 6^x and 7^x are kssing in the corner and 8^x, 9^x and 10^x are outside smoking. Everyone's having a great time apart from e^x who's in the corner on his own. 8^x comes in wasted and sees e^x.
"Mate, what's wrong? You don't look like you're enjoying yourself very much," says 8^x.
"The thing is I don't really know anyone," says e^x. "Everyone else are friends with each other and I feel a bit left out."
"It doesn't matter if you don't know anyone," says 8^x. "The point of going to parties is to meet new people. Try to talk to someone, mix with new groups, integrate."
"That won't change anything," replies e^x._

-----------------

*Two cats are sitting on a rooftop. Which one falls off first?*

_The one with the smallest mew._

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*What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?*

_Works it out with an pencil._

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*How did the animals know where to find Noah?*

_They saw the arcsine._

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*What do maths students use as a chatup line?*

_You are 1/cos(c)_


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## krustybarnes

Loving the maths jokes. Funny stuff that.


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## Kul69

For females:

Attractiveness (on a scale from 1-10) * IQ = Constant around 150.


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## Kul69

Can anyone tell me what this says? And I'm not sure any of those retarded online calculators will work, so figure it out using math =P

100100110000011000010110110110000011100110110111110000011000110101111101011111011011001000001100001011011100110010010000011001100110010101101101011000010110110001100101011100111000001110111011000010110111001110100100000110110101111001100000110010001101001011000110110101110000011000110110000101110101011100110110010110000010010011000001100100011011111000001110011011101000111010101100110011001101000001101100011010010110101101100101100000111010001101000011010010111001100101110


Hint: 48696E74

lol.. I used an online binary to text converstion tool and it told me it says, "“Ø9·Á￾}}²-Ì￾femalesƒ»s¤^`ÈÒÆ×6W6X$Á‘¾nŽ¬ÌÐlikeƒ£CK™"

Which I assure you it doesn't, although it got two words right.


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## VelocideX

There once was a woman named Bright
whose speed was far faster than light
she set off one day
in a relative way
and came back the previous night


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## Dave

rdrr


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## maybetinymaybesad

oops, sorry, i meant:

math nerds are # -e^i*pi!


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## Medi57

AlphaNumeric said:
			
		

> *There's a big party and all the exponentials of x are invited. 2^x and 3^x are drinking beer and talking, 4^x and 5^x are deciding what CDs to put on, 6^x and 7^x are kssing in the corner and 8^x, 9^x and 10^x are outside smoking. Everyone's having a great time apart from e^x who's in the corner on his own. 8^x comes in wasted and sees e^x.
> "Mate, what's wrong? You don't look like you're enjoying yourself very much," says 8^x.
> "The thing is I don't really know anyone," says e^x. "Everyone else are friends with each other and I feel a bit left out."
> "It doesn't matter if you don't know anyone," says 8^x. "The point of going to parties is to meet new people. Try to talk to someone, mix with new groups, integrate."
> "That won't change anything," replies e^x.*




I just LOL'd IRL.

[/nerd]


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## BigTrancer

Kul69 said:
			
		

> Can anyone tell me what this says?  "“Ø9·Á￾}}²-Ì￾femalesƒ»s¤^`ÈÒÆ×6W6X$Á‘¾nŽ¬ÌÐlikeƒ£CK™"


It says even computers can't work out what females like.

BT


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## TheLoveBandit

The difference between an engineer and a mathematician:

There was an engineer and a mathematician standing side by side with a beautiful woman across the room.  The only way to get there was by cutting your distance in half each step.  The mathematician gives up, saying "It's impossible, you'll never get there because you can always halve the distance that remains."  The engineer smiles and says "I can get 'close enough'  "

The realist reminds them no beautiful woman would be in the room with them in the first place.


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## compact

> This relic from Fri, 21 Feb 1997: Last night on Letterman, he inaugurated a new feature called "Over Our Heads," in which people from different academic fields presented jokes that would only be funny to others in that field ... In that spirit, Letterman introduced a mathematician from Harvard. Here's his joke .."A master's student was taking his final oral exams and the professor asked him, 'Can you name a compact topological space?'  The student thought for a moment and said, 'The real numbers.' " There was a long pause until finally the professor said hopefully," In what topology?'"


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## PGTips

Out of interest, is your name Compact in reference to the maths "compact" or just a coincidence.

I've had plenty of "spur of the moment" chringe worthy jokes (Cex and Euler will back me up on that one ). One of my worst was Cex, myself and a bunch of friends in a pub and Cex said "My life isn't complete" and me replying "At least its closed and bounded though!! ". 

At which point I get attacked by 2 friends for bringing up bad maths jokes in a pub


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## junglejuice

Here's my favorite mathematical proof.
http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/Proof_that_Girls_are_Evil.html


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## TheLoveBandit

AlphaNumeric said:
			
		

> *... Cex said "My life isn't complete" and me replying "At least its closed and bounded though!! ".  *



I love a sharp wit seizing opportunities.  Nice one. :D


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## sexyanon2

Hehe. I liked your jokes AN with Cex and of e^x. Poor guy.


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## Leg

everyone in this thread needs to be banned IMMEDIATELY!!!

i opened this thinking the "fish curve" was a new model alternative to the "bell curve" hehehe

and then i stumbled into a bunch of weirdo math jokes!!! OMG


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## Belisarius

LOL at TLB.


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## Cecil

I love those three-scientist type jokes. 


A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are chatting together in a café across the road from what appears to be an empty building. After a while, they spot a couple going into the house. After a few more minutes, they come out again - with a child.
"Ah", says the physicist. "There must have been a measurement error."
"Not at all", says the biologist. "They've reproduced."
"Don't worry about it", says the mathematician. "Maybe someone else will go back in in a while, and then it will be empty again."

------------------------

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.

The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.

The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep. 

In the morning, the mathematician awakes to the cooling embers of the fire from his room. He fans it back into a roaring inferno, observes that "this reduces to a previously solved problem", crawls into his warm bed, and goes back to sleep.

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An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are each sentenced to die by the guillotine. As the physicist is led to the guillotine, she decides that she'd like to observe the blade as it falls, perhaps to verify v=at, and she requests to be strapped in face up. The executioner agrees (why not? it all pays the same...), and straps her in. As the blade falls, it sticks about two thirds of the way down. Seeing this, the crowd cheers - the physicist must be innocent! So the exectuioner unstraps her and sets her free.

The mathematician is next. Being well versed in matters statistical (perhaps she is an actuary), she quickly asks to be placed face up as well - afterall, the odds of it happening again are pretty good, especially if the initial conditions are similar. So the excutioner obliges, and once again, the blade sticks about two thirds of the way down. Again the crowd cheers, and the mathematician is also set free.

Finally, the engineer. Not willing to do anything in public that is different from her peers, she, too, requests to be placed face up. As the executioner is strapping her in, she's looking up at the blade and studying the track in which it slides. As she does so, she notices something. "Do you see that?", she asks. "About one third the way up? If you fixed that there..." 

----------------------------------------------

An engineer, mathematician, and physicist are each asked to determine the volume of a red metal ball.

The mathematician measures the diameter, divides it by two to obtain the radius, and then performs a double intergration.

The physicist weighs the ball and then weighs it again when immersed in water. Knowing the density of water and the difference in the two weights, she calculates the displaced volume of water, which is the volume of the ball.

The engineer turns to her reference text The Physical Properties of Balls and in the chapter entitled "Metal", finds the table labelled "Red". Searching for a row that the contains the appropriate model number (which is stamped on the ball), she reads across to the column "volume", ignoring those dealing with "coefficient of thermal expansion" and "software rev. level". 

-----------------------------------------

Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer walking through a field come upon a farmer.

The farmer asks what is the best way to construct a fence that will contain his livestock (ie., most area for least perimeter). The physicist does some calculus and concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence. The engineer looks at him and laughs. "No, the best way is a circle". The physicist concedes and they start building the fence.

The mathematician just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says "I declare myself to be outside".

-----------------------------------------

There was a mad scientist ( a mad ...social... scientist ) who
kidnapped  three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a
mathematician, and locked  each of them in seperate cells with plenty
of canned food and water but no can opener.

A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
cell and  found it long empty.  The engineer had constructed a can
opener from pocket trash, used aluminum shavings and dried sugar to
make an explosive, and escaped.

The physicist had worked out the angle necessary to knock the lids off
the tin  cans by throwing them against the wall.  She was developing a
good pitching arm and a new quantum theory.

The mathematician had stacked the unopened cans into a surprising
solution to the kissing problem; his desiccated corpse was propped
calmly against a wall, and this was inscribed on the floor in blood:

        Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die.

        Proof: assume the opposite...


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## PGTips

Time to revive this thread. 

Someone posted this link on another forum I post on. You probably won't get the puns if you're not at least an undergraduate, but my mathmo friends who normally hate my terrible maths puthage found this funny :

http://movies.collegehumor.com/items/2005/05/collegehumor.149448.wmv

Then there is a collection of quotes from Cambridge maths lecturers here :

http://www.geocities.com/Imre_Leader_Appreciation_Society/

Goes to show the somewhat crazed thought processes some of my lecturers have. Having actually been in a fair number of the lectures those quotes are from, I can testify to the oddness of such people as Korner and Saxl. Particularly his mutterings like "Hmm... Theorem 47, thats a good name!"


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