# DMT - First time - Bad Trip



## zenmasterjack

I'm sorry if this is long. I've never posted a trip report before and I really need to get this out.

I had read the Rick Strassman book, heard stories, and done some serious contemplation as to whether or not I wanted to try DMT. I had minimal experience with psychedelics (psilocybin), but I knew that DMT was something I couldn't wait to try.

Two nights ago I was in my friend X's apartment, feeling giddy about what we were going to do. He had done DMT multiple times and had invited me to join him. I was well rested, in a good mood, and overall just excited for what was to come. 

We were all set for 3, 30mg hits each with about 30 minutes between each trip to allow the higher tolerance present shortly after a hit to dissipate. The DMT was slightly yellow, though without any other experience with it, I have nothing to compare to. We were going to be smoking it out of an oil burner to try and get the fullest hit.

I wasn't going into the experience expecting anything or hoping for anything. I tried to clear my mind to allow for it to take me somewhere deep and somewhere new. I felt very prepared.

My first and second doeses were relatively small since I'd never used an oil burner before and didn't get the whole dose. Both times I had a warm, surging feeling throughout my body, beautiful fractiles and colors filling my vision in a tunnel shape, and even a sense of a beautiful, blue being reaching out to me the second time. Both times I came out of it smiling, feeling energetic, and somewhat euphoric; but not exactly what you would call a "psychedelic experience." 

The third dose is when everything went wrong. Bear with me, it's really hard to explain in words.

As I took in the hit, I knew I had gotten every last bit this time (plus some extra that we noticed was still in the pipe from our previous incomplete hits). Within seconds X's wall fractalized and there was a huge surge, a rush of warmth throughout my body as I closed my eyes and laid back on the bed. X turned out the light like I had asked and a loud whirring took over my hearing.

I don't remember the first image I saw, but it scared me enough that despite being told that the trip is better with your eyes closed, I immediately opened my eyes as wide as I could. Then everything became utter chaos. I felt constricted, unable to move. There was darkness all around me (totally unlike the beautiful colors and lights from my first two doses) and I was filled with a sense of dread. 

I frantically looked around until my eyes landed on X; but due to the visuals overlaying reality, he wasn't my friend, he was a skeleton with pieces of decomposing flesh still hanging on and the most menacing, sharp-toothed grin I have ever seen. There was another presence in the form of anthropomorphized black mist. This presence, I somehow knew, was in control. It was telling the skeleton what to do. The skeleton came over and pinned me down. I have no idea what they were doing to me.

I knew I had to get out. I had a vague memory that I had taken DMT and that it was causing this, but remembering that this wasn't real did nothing. At that moment it WAS real, and I was absolutely terrified. I attempted to sit up, to get away, but my movement was...I don't know how to explain this...stuttered. As if you played 1 second of footage of a man sitting up over and over on repeat. Everything I tried put me into a loop. Note: according to X, I never sat up...but my hands were apparently twisting and contorting, and I quote from X, "...as if you were possessed."

The sounds were a mix of two things: 1) An electric buzzing like that of a tesla coil which had a crazy reverb and echo effect. It would increase in pitch and build during each of my 1-second "movements" and then it would drop back to a low pitch as the "movement" repeated. That sounds was filling my ears, drowning almost everything else out. And 2) Some sort of whispering in a language I didn't understand that seemed to come from everywhere.

At this point I was able to muster up the strength to call out, "Help!" It's all I could think to say.

I also had a sense of wetness, which I now attribute to the fact that when I came to, I was drenched in sweat. It felt like that moment when you are in a swimming pool and are swimming under the water and begin to go up for air. That moment right before you break the surface...that's where I was stuck. I could see it and sense it; but these beings weren't letting me go. Some part of my mind understood that I was actually taking big, gasping breaths at this point.

Once more, and with less hope in my voice, I was able to cry out, "Help me."

It was loud, frantic, oppressing, exhausting, and felt pure evil...and I thought I was stuck there forever. It just kept going and going, getting worse with each second. Time was going so slow that it felt like days. As the effects began to fade, 10 excruciating minutes later, X would occasionally morph back into himself. I heard him ask, "Are you alright? You OK?" but I immediately dismissed this is a trick of the cruel world I was in as he would then turn back into the skeleton and the repetitious movement would start again.

I finally had enough of my wit gathered to be able to ask him to turn the lights on. I needed to get out of the dark. Whereas the first two trips made everything in X's room look colorful and amazing to look at when the lights came on, as I sat up this time everything looked absolutely menacing. His lamp had a gaunt face with fangs, his plant looked sharp and dangerous, even his refrigerator somehow looked like it wanted to kill me. X's face was back to normal now; but ripples of translucent image would turn parts of his face back into the skeleton for brief seconds. These haunting visuals lasted at least another 10 minutes. All I could say at this time was, "Yeah...that wasn't good."

For the next hour we sat and talked it through. For the whole hour my heartbeat stayed so high it felt like I had run 10 miles. I had to take deep breaths to try and slow it down. To be honest, just writing this out, my heart rate has risen significantly. X told me how at one point he had taken my hand in attempt to calm me, how my body was contorting, how I had called out for help. Neither of us had much of an answer for why it happened or what it meant.

Now that I've had a few days to process what happened, I'm still at a loss. It was the most intense trip I have ever had on anything. And I honestly felt more emotion (be they good or bad) during that 10 minute period than I had probably felt during the past week combined. I looked at it from a cathartic perspective...but realized it wasn't. I tried looking for the silver lining; but all I could come up with was, "At least real life isn't like that." So I don't know what to take from the experience other than the fact that I felt more abject terror than any other time in my life. I can't figure out the moral to this story.

I'm also left with confusion about whether I would ever do it again. Some of the stories sound SO incredibly wonderful; but if I have to risk going back to that place, I'm not sure any promise of beauty could persuade me to risk that. Or maybe now that I've experienced it I would be able to handle it differently next time?

I don't want this to sound like a warning story or some morality tale...I just wanted to get my thoughts down as another attempt to understand.

*Tagged by Xorkoth*
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled


----------



## PippUK

Great report - Sorry to read that your first real DMT smash has left you feeling a bit shaken like that. Trouble is people can try to explain what you would be letting yourself in for, but there is no substitute for the actual experience.
  OK so it was perhaps terrifying to some extent, unlike anything you might previously have conceived of. But, now that it is part of YOUR experience, you won't be so surprised by it if there is a next time. Lets face it, you instigate the trip, it happens, you return to some semblance of reality (albeit forever slightly broadened!). And now that you can look back on it, write it down etc, you are already integrating it.
   It makes sense to approach DMT with awareness of its power and potential terror. My first few times it seemed to be challenging me or trying my nerve, but you have to get beyond that dichotomy. This happens with practice. 
 I really hope that perhaps with a few more blockbuster tokes and more familliarity with the terrain, you will see a bit more of the joy/comedy/love angle which I reckon is the main reason why I keep happily getting spiced up every once in a while.
  It's too easy for me to say - Go with it - but that really is the best I can do.
Happy Tripping - Pipp
Oh, and welcome to BL.


----------



## zenmasterjack

Thanks Pipp,

I have come to this realization that the trip might have been bad, but the overall experience was not. There's a reason people go to scary movies...being scared (when you know that you won't actually be harmed) is fun! The reason the trip shook me up was because the understanding that I would, in the end, be ok, was not there. I genuinely felt in danger.

Have you ever heard the story about one of the first "movies" ever made? It was a simple shot of a train coming towards the camera. But people had never experienced a film before, and when faced with this scene of a train coming at them, they were terrified and ran out of the theater. They had no context for the experience.

I think my trip was like that. I was not able to contextualize the experience and therefore I was running away from a train that couldn't physically hurt me. I've decided that getting spiced up again is something I want to do, purely for the experience, whether good or bad.


----------



## Sandozer

PippUK said:


> Great report - Sorry to read that your first real DMT smash has left you feeling a bit shaken like that.



Ditto.^

Welcome to Bluelight.

Next time you should probably leave the lights on. Or do it in a nice green field on a blanket during a nice day. Remember that set and setting are key. I believe that light gives a more friendly vibe. The reason you felt trapped or pinned down was probably because you actually were, by the darkness and confines of the room so to speak.

I tried DMT for my first time two days ago. The room was lit very well, and so far by far it is the most beautiful experience I've had to date although my friend said he was just dipping my foot in.

There were times during the peak of my experience where I had to establish the fact that I was still there and the fact that I'll be back from this realm in 5 minutes.

It blew my mind so hard so fast that I couldn't even be scared. I had no clue that my mind could even conceive such an experience. I wouldn't say that I was scared as much as not ready for what it had in store for me. Now that I have a general conception of what it has in store for me I can approach the experience with exactly that, experience. (I didn't want to say confidence.)

It took me to another place; a place which I would like to visit again with more experience so I can make more sense of what's going on.

Don't let one bad experience ruin it for you. Next time just make sure the conditions for positive set and setting are met.


Just throwing it out there, I could be wrong.


----------



## malakaix

That's unfortunate to hear Pipp, though i can relate.

My first few experience's with DMT were quite wonderful, they were however small or 'light' dose's, i did these with my eyes open at awe with what was taking place infront of me, leaving me with a sense of calmness and peace with the universe, but only scratching the surface.

It would be my first break-through on a large dose that injected pure terror into me. This dose i took out in the forest on a sunny morning, an absolutely gorgeous setting.. however i was determined to experience this with eyes closed for maximum effect. I inhaled the entire dose in one breath, i swear that day i increased my lung capacity with quite possibly the biggest breath i've ever taken.. i was very determined to get all of it.

After holding it in for 10seconds, i exhaled and felt myself 'power down' my upper body lent forwards and down, my entire body and mind became infinitely dense and i felt like i weighed a million tonnes. My body automatically lent back into a straight-up cross-legged position (somewhat that of a meditative position). I watched on in awe at the trans-dimensional colors began to shift and morph behind my eyes.. the sounds of reality were stretched into an infinite blend of time, my sense of reality dissapeared entirely, and for a brief moment of time that seemed like an eternity all that existed was my present awareness of the moment.

I watched on as i flew through the horizons of this multi-dimensional tunnel, secrets of the universe been revealed at every twist and turn, impossibilities becoming possible.. what seemed like entities directing me to pay attention as the mother goddess directed me through the flower of life.. and then i was hit with a fear that still gives me shivers to this day.

I was faced with an option of continuing at the expense of my 'self', and the reality i thought i knew was simply my dream, a manifestation created by my own being. I panicked, and opened my eyes hastily.. but it was too late, my self no longer existed and i was thrown into 'The Void' a place of nothingness, aloneness, total disconnection from everything. The 'reality' i was welcomed back to was unfamiliar, an alien landscape void of definition.. indescribable whispers rushing back and fourth between me.. time been sped up and slowed down.

Never have i felt such a powerful force of fear, The Void was the final frontier of everything and as i was so unprepared for such an experience, it shook me to the very foundations of my being.

It took me at least 20mins to collect the pieces of myself, however even after such an experience i was endowed with a sense of peace and calmness, a wiser understanding of the world around me. This experience, harsh as it was.. did open me upto spirituality and sent me on the path of pursuing meditation, it benefited me greatly.. i havn't touched DMT again since with any big dose's.. but i believe in time, i may revisit.

For now, i spend most of my time integrating my past psychedelic experience's and understanding into my everyday life.

I kind of hi-jacked your thread there temporarily, my apologies.. but i thought i'd share my experience as i can relate very much to your own.


----------



## xyzxyz

Very interesting experience. Thanks for sharing.
It has slightly put me off trying DMT though!

Quick question - if you were to do it again, would you do a high dose and or a light dose?


----------



## zenmasterjack

xyzxyz said:


> Quick question - if you were to do it again, would you do a high dose and or a light dose?



Well, 20mg is supposed to be the smallest amount that would allow for a breakthrough experience. I was set up for 30mg, plus there was extra in the pipe from before, so I probably did 35-40mg.

So I think the answer is that I would go for a solid 20-25mg dose. My smallest dose was probably about 10-15mg, and while it was cool...it was nothing spectacular.

Basically, the intensity and power of my trip caused me to realize that if it had been a pleasurable trip, it likely would have been one of the most amazing moments of my life.


----------



## Coolio

I consistently get paranoid, anxious, and schizophrenic from DMT. It gives me The Fear like 5-MeO-DIPT does.

5-MeO-DMT on the other hand, which tends to give a lot of other people panic attacks, is extremely calming and MDMA-like for me. Much like DMT experiences are described by most people...


----------



## His Name Is Frank

I wish I could try it. I've never even it before. Goddamn, what a bummer!


----------



## zenmasterjack

So after a little more time, I've decided that I do want to try it again. Despite feeling so prepared for it, I now know that I wasn't. I'm not sure if I would ever have been able to be prepared for that journey. But now? Now I'm ready to try again and see where it takes me.


----------



## Shaggy420

Both times I've smoked dmt I've gone to a void even with my eyes open and the first few moments my body is a puzzle in this realm. If I move it's like a endless loop of that action like you said. This last time was very very scary though I was terrified it was like there was a presence there laughing at me. When I breahed in and out it seemed to say then we go up. The we go down. And I was going up and down through these big red and blue circles in a black void. It stopped when I blinked and I fell forward through space and right back, and it's like a image of something laughing with its hand over its mouth in the darkness. Then I'm back I'm my room when I turn my head but I just keep turning my head on loop. Then I stop and look down and it loops more. After the really scary part colors seemed to kinda melt in a very weird way. After it was over I was really scared but still I wanna do it again.


----------



## donohue100

I have seen this happen to people on DMT and more so on ketamine.  I wonder if it was some sort of ego death?


----------



## THCified

^ It surely is. 

People describing their visuals on DMT reminds me a lot about what i experienced on 4-AcO-DMT, which many people find to be more shroom-like, but not me. When i take 4-AcO-DMT, it's mostly like what said here, at least regarding the weird scenery, when everything looks strangely different and bright, colorful, melting in- and outwards itself, and everything seems to have some kind of personality, objects, just everything.

Scared the shit out of my at first, after that it was mad fun :D

Can't wait to try DMT!


----------



## Crashing

Nice report, my first DMT breakthrough was also very much undesirable. The power of the experience is something that nobody can imagine or be prepared for that first time.


----------



## Captain.Heroin

It sounds like you shouldn't be using DMT if you can't handle the intensity.  

Smoking it is probably the worst ROA for it, causes more anxiety IME.


----------



## Crashing

Too bad mimosa hostillis is illegal now. I say 'too bad' but really i mean something much, much more.


----------



## dmtislove

I realize this was a few years ago, I'm curious if you ever tried it again.
Anyways, it sounds like a normal dmt trip to me. Why it was so frightening is because you let fear take over. I'll admit that I was scared my first time (I thought I was dying and that I seriously f'd up and I made a terribly wrong decision). DMT will attack that fear and test you. It is not for the weak minded or willed. Now nothing can prepare you for the first time, it's rough, but it loves you and it's trying to make you stronger. 
Just know this; dmt is not always fun, it's real and you need to go through pain to achieve enlightenment.


----------



## pentouch

maybe it was a little piece of hell,hehe


----------



## armbar55

I know this is an old thread but I can tell you I had a very similar experience on my 1st and only DMT trip specifically this part:

"The sounds were a mix of two things: 1) An electric buzzing like that of a tesla coil which had a crazy reverb and echo effect. It would increase in pitch and build during each of my 1-second "movements" and then it would drop back to a low pitch as the "movement" repeated. That sounds was filling my ears, drowning almost everything else out. And 2) Some sort of whispering in a language I didn't understand that seemed to come from everywhere."

I took too high of a dose (I think) through a glass vapor genie within a few days of a so so acid trip.  I can tell you basically all I can recollect of DMT: 

1. Hear a siren, and a moment of seeing the weirdest images you can imagine
2. my soul traveling to the edge of the universe at light speed, looking out on planets/maybe alternate universes
3. warping back at the same speed with orbs hovering around and an alien yelling at me in it's language
4. waking up with total amnesia and the entire planet looks completely foreign

Still not over it.. I know this is a personal thing experience and others can't relate. All I will say on high doses of DMT.. you see some shit.

I would recommend staying with a slightly lower dose.


----------



## yaesutom

I've had a similar thing happen when smoking several doses of DMT in a row, or using DMT too much.  I know that any amount of the other crap in mimosa extracts ruin the trip like that.. feeling underwater and everything looks really awful.  I never could 100% figure it out though whether it was totally because of the jungle alkaloids or just DMT itself acting really weird occasionally.  

Its possible that the DMT had a little of the jungle alkaloids in it (there is other stuff in mimosa extractions that sometimes comes out), but the DMT overpowers it at first until you smoke it many times in a row not leaving at least a day in-between.. and since you have a tolerance to the DMT the jungle stuff takes over... i've had this happen to me.


----------



## twingall1

Thanks for a really well written trip.. there's a lot i can relate to in there


----------



## Iron Lungs

yaesutom said:


> I've had a similar thing happen when smoking several doses of DMT in a row, or using DMT too much.  I know that any amount of the other crap in mimosa extracts ruin the trip like that.. feeling underwater and everything looks really awful.  I never could 100% figure it out though whether it was totally because of the jungle alkaloids or just DMT itself acting really weird occasionally.
> 
> Its possible that the DMT had a little of the jungle alkaloids in it (there is other stuff in mimosa extractions that sometimes comes out), but the DMT overpowers it at first until you smoke it many times in a row not leaving at least a day in-between.. and since you have a tolerance to the DMT the jungle stuff takes over... i've had this happen to me.



An excellent report and great thread, the above post interests me as I didn't think you could build tolerance to DMT?


----------



## clayhughes@netins.

if you have a mental disorder like bipolar or severe anxiety. Or maybe u are a good kid mixed up with some druggies. That's god telling you that drugs aren't your path in life.you were meant for something different. He showed you hell. Did you like it? Didn't sound fun to me. quit while you are ahead before you give yourself a permanent psychosis. I had the exact same trip. They won't be fun after that one.


----------



## clayhughes@netins.

Totally agree. I've been there and it's like your stuck in time and you will never be normal again. Self conscious people shouldn't take it.


----------



## BluesClues123

The third experience you faced sounds exactly like sleep paralysis not a DMT trip. What probably happened was your soul was about to leave your body to go on the breakthrough this usually makes u hear vibrations and see images and because you paniced and opened your eyes from that scary image you stopped your soul from leaving your body and thus got stuck in sleep paralysis. God bless and goodluck, DMT is not supposed to do that type of scary thing to you it is not a trip like shrooms or acid it is a breakthrough to a different dimension.


----------



## nkautz

I signed up just to chime in that I've had a few similar bad trips just like this,  where fear and despair took over and were unbearable.   Twice it has happened out of ~30 times using DMT in total.  Both times it was because I took huge rips after adding "a little extra" , in a setting where I couldn't clearly see how big of a hit I was getting.    Turning all lights off completely before laying down was also probably not the best idea.  I remember feeling like the darkness was tied in with the fear somehow.  There was an intense fear of going insane and being so disconnected from myself, trapped forever in that hell.  Looking back, it's difficult to make sense of such extreme negative feelings.  It's kind of scary to know that it's even possible to feel that terrified.  Had to take a break after each bad trip but I eventually eased back into it.    I wouldn't wish a trip like that on anyone.    If I had taken a 2nd or 3rd hit either of those times , YIKES...     On a brighter note , I've had way more amazing positive experiences than negative ones.


----------



## Volsam

Powerful mindful meditation for a couple hours prior to trip is a must for me with DMT. As well as days of mental preparartion beforehand, I always "listen" to whether it's "calling" me or not, if that makes sense... It makes HUGE difference in trip quality, I actually get quite euphoric and super high but at the same time I've learned to stay "protected" - I use mantras, amulets and scents, I actually think about issues that I want to resolve in me or the information I want to obtain before going in. I dont do it with strangers, preferably solo or with the closest friends. Outside is fine as long as there are no social and noise distractions. Being next to water and hearing it flow seems to enhance effects of DMT positively for me. 

Also, some other psychedelics seems to lift the fear completely, so I can smoke DMT without proper preparation and these are LSD and 4-HO-EPT for me so far, of course you need to make sure you want to handle all that together before going in 

Check out the book Psychedelic Experience by Leary, Metzner and Alpert - they are explaining in details how to deal with strong come ups. I highly recommend it - http://psychedelicfrontier.com/free-book-psychedelic-experience-timothy-leary/ 

I love DMT! %)


----------

