# (Nitrous Oxide) - Experienced - Life Changing Problems



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi Everyone,

I have quite probably taken more Nitrous (at least in Whippit form) than anyone else alive.  So I feel compelled to share with all of you - my experience.

Excessive Nirous Oxide abuse can cause permanent irreversible brain damage.  I am Patient Zero, so please, everyone, read this all the way.  If I had been fortunate enough to read what I am about to write, 30 years ago, my life would be very, very different.  I could just post the facts, but if you will walk with me through my life, you need never run the risk of having what happened to me, happen to you.  If you are a serious Nitrous user, reading this could help save your life.  It's going to be quite long - but it is important to me to paint the whole picture.  I also hope that it might prove entertaining - and some of you might recognize yourselves in the narrative - and those who feel a sympathy with my feelings - those who relate to my expression and understanding - those who think yes, Yes, YES!! are the ones who need to read this the most - as you are in the greatest danger - or could be if you are not careful.  I am being honest about some stuff that I have hidden from others all my life - some of it is quite embarrassing - but I choose to share the humourous aspect with you all.  I can't be the *only* lunatic in the world.

This is *not* an anti-Nitrous post.  This is information that has only recently become available.  Personally I wish our atmosphere was Oxygen and Nitrous Oxide instead of Oxygen and Nitrogen. So without further ado...

The tale begins in the dentists chair.  I was 9 years old.  I had never taken any drugs, and was not looking to at the time.  But I had a phobia about dental work, and the new dentist told me that he would give me 'laughing gas', and it would remove my fear.  So he attached the mask to my nose and told me to breathe normally.  After about 20 seconds I began to feel a tingle, quite pleasant, which was getting stronger with each passing second.  The dentist asked me if I could feel the gas yet - and a drug addict was born.  I told him "No, I don't feel anything", so he turned it up.  By now I was really starting to feel *amazing* - it was fantastic.  But it was more than just tingles and physical well being.  Even though I was only 9, I started seeing patterns - in everything - a deeper connection - set of connections - a lattice that embraced reality, but which had a meaning - a message - beneath the surface - something *important*.  The dentist asked me once more if I felt the gas.  I told him that it was starting to take effect, but was not very strong - despite the fact that I could barely string the sentence together - as I wanted him to turn it up even more - which he did.  The last thing I remember hearing was the dentist saying to the nurse, "This one likes to fly high".

From that moment, I knew that I had to obtain Nitrous Oxide again at some point.  I had imaginings of listening to music while feeling that way and how awesome it would be (and I was right, of course).  It stuck there - in my memory - unforgettable - I was 9 - and I no longer saw the universe the way that I had before.

Jump ahead 11 years.  I'm 20, and I found acid about six months earlier.  I'm in Amsterdam, having left South Africa to avoid military service.  I'm a musician and making a living playing street music.  We're on acid all the time, taking larger and larger doses each time.  It's classic.  I'm the messiah and I'm going to save the world by turning everyone onto LSD.  I'm Ken Kesey, I'm Ram Dass, I'm Neal Cassidy driving the bus to the next Acid Test.  I'm on a mission.  I have found the ultimate truth, and I believe that I have the ability to express it.  It's straight out of the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.  I am The Merry Prankster - doing ever increasing doses of LSD because I believe that there is a reality behind this one, and I am going to evolve and become a transformed being - a metamorphosized, evolutionised, mental telepathical Guru.  I even have a following.  There are 5 of us - and I am the leader.  I'm the fucking chosen one.  This is why I am alive - this is why I exist - I am the new Messiah!@!

It's funny looking back on it now - a bit embarrassing (OK - a lot) - and I have never told *anyone* about this before - like who would admit this shit - but it's important to paint the whole picture.

But LSD is not a beast to be tamed.  Oh, I *believed* that I was in control of the acid - that *I* held the reigns.  I had become it's master, and it's servant.  But I was treating it disrespectfully - and when you do that, the Acid inevitable turns around and slaps you down a peg or two.  In my case it was all the way down from my lofty delusions of grandeur, to a smear on the roadside.  A new acid had come out - called simply "Mandala" (Amsterdam 1981).  The dealer told me that it was not 'commercial' acid, a bit stringer.  And to boot, a *half* a hit was a whole.  I had been dropping between 5 and 10 at a time, and I did not assume that this half hit of new acid was going to top my multiple ingestions from the weeks before.

But I learned that day that what I had been taking was not truly LSD - but a pale shadow of what *real* LSD is. All my research - all my dosing - nothing - had prepared me for what happened.  It was *phenomenal* acid - I had never seen such colours - and it warped dimensions that I did not recognise anything around me.  It was too much for downtown Amsterdam, so we all jumped on a tram, laughing uncontrollably all the way home.  Once home it was even sronger, having really kicked in.  I made a big hashish pipe and took a huge hit of really good Afgan hash.  

And then I completely lost my mind.

I had to reconstruct it all afterward, with the help of my friends.  There was a huge flash - and reality had shattered - literally.  It was as though everything I had been seeing was made of glass - like a mirror, and the hashish exploded the acid so hard and fast, that I suffered a psychotic break.  More to the point - from one moment to the next I had total amnesia.  I was with my closest friends - a girl who had come over to Europe with me who was like my sister - I had known them all for years - but I recognized no-one.  And I did not know who I was - or where I was (and I don't mean which town - I mean which *Universe*).  I was a total blank - wiped clean - nothing left.  I realized that I was bleeding - in my throat - it had turned to glass - and shattered - blood was everywhere, and my life started slipping away - I collapsed slowly to the floor - and died.

However, a while later I appeared to be conscious.  SO this was it - I was dead.  This must then be the afterlife.  A man walked up to me and looked at me curiously - and then said "Are you OK?"  But what I heard was "A R E    Y O  U    O K  A  Y" in a kind of deep Twilight Zone surrealism.  Who *was* this person.  If I was dead - perhaps he was me - a reflection of me - on the other side of the shattered mirror that was reality - so I said "Who *are* you?"  And he said to me "You know who I am" - which I heard in a big boomy voice as  "Y O U   K  N  O  W     W H O   I   A M!!!"  The poor guy - he didn't have a clue what was going on - none of them had actually realized yet that I had quite literally lost my mind - all of it.  So I deduced that if he were me - a kind of 'afterlife' version - that we would have the same mother as I - so in an attempt to confirm this I asked him "who is your mother", to which he replied "You know who my mother is..." which I heard as....

OK - you get the picture.  I treated LSD as though it was something that I actually had control over - that I was bigger than Acid - that I was beyond a bad trip.  I will end this part of the tale of this day here, but know that it took the rest of the day to reconstruct my *basic* ego - just knowing who and where I was.  I still felt broken glass in my throad from where it had shattered when the 'mirror' shattered.  I could no longer sing.  When I tried I was overwhelmed by an abject terror, and shut down.  It was weeks before I could sing again (which I needed to do to survive) - and I continued to have terrifying Flashbacks for the next 6 months.

This was the most phenomenally life changing experience of my entire life.  I was afraid - afraid to do acid - I had been so humbled - so beaten - so kicked in the teeth - any 'normal' person would have just said "That's it!  Never again!!".  But I could not do that - live in fear the rest of my life, because i had experienced this overwhelming and incomprehensible annihilation of ego.  I had to face my fear.  I had to get back in the drivers seat - I had to understand what had happened in order to be whole again.  And there was born a true and devout Acidhead - for life (still going strong).  I needed to *understand* myself - how my brain worked - and LSD was the tool that had both damaged and which would repair me.

The experience kind of put a crim p in my plan to save the world, as I realized that it was *completely* unethical to turn anyone on unless they truly desired to be turned on.  It was a full year before in mid winter, Christmas time in Konstanz, Germany, that I did my next truly supurb LSD - only this one was as soft as the other one had been hard - and finally - utterly high, I looked in the mirror and was no longer afraid.  I finally had all of my mind back - and my fear was gone (but my respect has never faltered).

And now the long awaited return to the topic of Nitrous Oxide.


WHo would have thought - who would have guessed - that Nitrous Oxide - laughing gas - was used to make whipped cream.  I found out form a young freakzoid heroin junkie in germany - that 'whippits' were Nitrous.  Finally!!  The 9 year old boy in me shouted in glee.  I knew it.  I knew I would find it again.  And this time I was going to really get to know it.  I remember buying the whipped cream machine, and a box of the cartriges - I remember my total excitement - my fear of disappointment - what if he was wrong?  I wound in the first cartridge (neglecting of course to add the cream).  I hyperventilated for a minute, breathed all the way out, and inhaled the entire contents.  Within 5 to 10 seconds I recognized the feeling - my insided screamed in glee - and for the next minute my world was perfect.  it was exactly as I had remembered it - only more so (I have since figured out through much experience that the reason that breathing Nitrous Oxide through a whipped cream syphon is so much stronger than from a tank is because it is *compressed* in the machine.  It's like taking Methamphetamine instead of plain old Amphetamine.  I also learned over time that you can load about 2 to 3 cartridges into the machine before breathing - and that the more compressed the gas, the more intense and powerful the rush - someone posed this question in one of the forums - and there is the answer for him).


This is my encapsulated life story, so I have to jump to pivotal moments if I am going to keep your attention.  Let's just say that over the course of the next year I did *hundreds* of boxes of Nitrous - maybe a thousand.  And the more I explored the Nitrous reality the more sense it made - of everything.  I was starting to feel that I understood the intrinsic nature of the universe - not just in the sense of thoughts - but in perceptions - understandings.  There were times - and I am sure that most of you can relate - when I felt that for a moment I *truly* understood the universe - as it *really* was - and it was *so* simple - and funny - fucking hilarious!!  I would experience the moment and crack up laughing uncontrollably - because I understood the core of the essence of God - the universe - matter, gravity, light, energy, quanta.

But as we all know - the profundity of Nitrous is fleeting, and after the epiphony it fades so quickjly that one can't quite remember what it was that one was thinking - and why it was so funny.  This, I found to be the curse of Nitrous - to have this understanding - so plain and simple - even expressible in mere words - if I could find them - or once found, if I could not lose them.  How, I wondered, can we extend this experience - make the come down slower so that it would be possible to bring back some of this universal intrinsic truth to the real world.

On a beautiful summers day of 1982, I discovered the chemical synergy that I have affectionately referred to for the last 30 years as "GASCID" - as in Gas and Acid = Gascid.  And from that moment, my life changed almost as profoundly as the day I lost my mind - because it was the day that I found my answers - all of them.

I had done some acid - not a lot - maybe half a hit.  I was still very cautious, after my annihilation a year earlier, and the theory was twofold.  If I did Nitrous right at the end of an acid trip - like 8 hours into it - when everything had resolved on the Acidic level, perhaps a) the Nitrous would boost the strength of the acid to give me a momentary high that was like 5 or 10 hits of *really* good acid - and b) that perhaps the acid, would help to extend the duration of the Nitrous, and give me a little more time to try and bring back some of the deeper essence of the experience.

I was extremely careful.  I'd lost my mind once already, and I was not keen on a second round.  My first hit was miniscule.  There was a very sligh shift in my perceptions.  I took a little more and felt the Nitrous very vaguely, but in a way like never before - and in a good way like I had never imagined.  By the time I was on the last cartridge, I took the entire thing, and I experienced for the first time in my life, the Holy Realm that is Gascid.

The world that is Gascid is a story unto itself with so many facets.  I am not going to try and define any of the experiences right now - too much of a tangent.  If anyone finds this interesting and wants to start a new thread I would love to share some of my experiences.  I became a student of Gascid.  I had found what was - at least for me - *the* key that unlocks the doors to everything - and more importantly, it was the most exquisite experience that can be.  It is heaven to me - a perfect state of being - the thing that we all at the core wish to experience - even once.

I had found the key - a gateway - a wormhole to what has for me become not so much a drug synergy as an actual *place*.  I devoted my life to this 'faith' of mine - and my quest was to bring back some of these truths, and to find a way to share them with others - which I did in fact accomplish.  I have kind of built an environment that almost *guarantees* arriving at this place.  There is technology involved - it's all very complicated - and again - if there is interest I will happily share.  

But this post is not about Gasid - it's about Nitrous, and the risks.

Over the next 12 years, I did Gascid about 500 times (and we're talking full blown 4 hour experiences with like 10 boxes of Nitrous each time).  It is my world - my reality - my Guru - my god - and myself.  I have no doubts - no hesitation - no lack of understanding - and it just got better all the time, as I learned to 'pilot' this space/time/ship that I built over the course of those 12 years.  

I eventually left Europe and moved to Canada, got a new life and a new wife, and continued building and discovering.  It was very hard at times.  Terribly lonely.  From my perspective I had found *the* answer.  And what's more is I could pretty much prove it.  And took a few select people on a trip around the universe.  But it was *so* lonely.  All I wanted to do was share what I had found.  But very few people knew about Nitrous back then.  I began to get adamant about finding proof - finding a way to bring back something significant enough that would *make* people take me seriously.  I knew that if I told this all to a shrink that I would be labelled a schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur.  But *I* knew that all a doubter had to do was come for a ride and see for himself.  They would find their own truth - not mine - everyone has their own truth.  All I had found was the medium in which to fairly reliably produce a very specific experience - and to be able to return and continue the thought - any time.

I was frustrated.  My wife was not too supportive of this - and I wanted her on my side, so I tried even harder to find some tangible evidence that the work that I was doing was valid - telepathy - psychokenesis - some small evolutionary step that would demonstrate that what I was doing was *valid* - and that I was not just another nutter who did too many psychedelics.

This was the time that I almost completed my space/time/ship.  It was an entire room, with a 'drivers seat' positioned in the middle - there were spinning wheels and stroboscopic lights - all synchronized to music - my own of course which was writted specifically to induce certain types of trance using light and sound to guide the subject on a 'solid' path. I was so *close* - but relations were getting strained with my wife, who thought that I was obsessed.  She was right of course.  I was.  And why not?  This was the most important thing in my life.  It was the one thing in which I truly had unshakable faith.  I *had* to find some evidence of the validity - I needed *support* on this - not criticism.  I at least deserved a chance to demonstrate it to someone else - to have the years that I had invested validated by another fearless soul who was willing to walk through the gates of heaven and be embraced lovingly by the universe.

And now we start to approach the moment of truth - the point - the reason that I have written everything that came before now.

I am a scientist - not just a druggie.  I don't just *take* drugs - I study them.  I prepare myself, I am informed - I know the risks - I am *careful*.  But this was before the Internet.  The only knowledge that existed was in books - and almost no-one knew practically nothing about Nitrous.  It had just slipped by - owing to the fact that it was legal - and a secret known by not a lot of people back then.  According to Peter Staffords Psychedelic Encyclopedia at the time, Nitrous Oxide was a perfectly safe drug.  There were two, and only two dangers.  The first rule was - don't breathe directly from a tank - you can freeze your lungs.  And the second rule was - don't tie a mask to your face, because if you fall unconscious, you will eventually die from lack of oxygen.   That was it.  Other than that - it was safe - they give it to *kids* for fuck sake.

I don't know exactly when it went from genuine psycho-scientific-spiritual research to addiction - but it was marked by the fact that I started doing Nitrous without doing acid.  I know myself - I'm an obsessive raging fucking maniac when it comes to drugs.  I have no brakes.  So I made a deal with myself many years before (after doing way too much Nitrous for way too long and having spent a small fortune on it) that I would *only* do Nitrous if I had done acid.  I tried to keep it to once a month - but not always - I kept it at least to once a week.  But I was so intent on finding my 'proof' - *quickly* - that I made an exception - just once.  then again.  and again.  

I really couldn't afford it, and I knew my wife would be pissed at me for wasting money - so I kept it to myself.  After all, I was almost there.  12 years of exploration and design was finally going to come to fruition.  I almost understood it all - I was so close.  And the Nitrous would run out and I would go to the store and get more - and then be wracked with guilt over it.  And suddenly I realized that I was addicted to Nitrous Oxinde.  They had said nothing about addiction in the books.  But I had been doing it every day for about 6 weeks, maybe more - and had been doing it excessively before it became daily.  And when it ran out I just could not cope.  This was not a drug withdrawal like an opiate - this was madness incarnate.  I could not *stand* being in my body - it was blindingly intense and wouldn't go away.

The next weeks are only a vague memory - with scattered images and vague recollections.  I could not afford to keep taking the Nitrous - but I could not survive stopping.  I wanted to call out for help - but who the fuck would I talk to.  There was no Inmternet - very few people knew about the recreational legality of Nitrous.  I felt so stupid - how do I even begin to explain to someone that I inhale the whipped cream charges - they'd probably lock me up.  So I had to stretch the Nitrous I had - breathe very, very little in between, hold my breath for minutes at a time.  Not breathe - as much as possible.

I was losing it.  I knew that.  I was starting to go crazy - even by my own standards - and those of you who have actually read this far can probably understand that I am a rather bizarre individual.  I don't remember much of the last weeks.  I felt like I was dying - slowly.  My thoughts were scrambled - there were 'dark patches' in my consciousness.  At one point I thought I might have been posessed.  I had gone from what I considered to be a self-respecting scientist (of the whackiest of varieties) to a fucking loony.  I was lost.

I was doing a gig on Vancouver Island, sitting on the beach doing Nitrous all day long in tiny little gasps.  The first night I noticed that I had lost the feeling in the tips of my fingers on my right hand.  The next day, my left hand.  By he time I got home, my hands and feet were numb.  Two days later my entire body had no sensation, and I had completely lost my motor control.  Then I was in the hospital - and the year that followed never became cemented in memory.

People - Please pay attention - this is not a well known fact.  Not a lot of people have screwed up quite as badly as I did - and it's never been made public in a big way.

The effect of Nitrous Oxide is *cumulative*.  If you do it too long, it builds up in your bloodstream.  Then you do not have enough oxygen in your system - hypoxia sets in, and your brain starts to die.  And once you go past a certain point there is *no* coming back - ever.  Your life is fucked - forever - till the day you die.

If I remove the mental, and psychological, and emotional horror that followed, I'll tell you that the physical sensations finally returned - as did my motor control.  But the problem is that I had damaged my brain - and the signals that should have just reported to my cerebellum that I was in fact alive and moving, were mistransleted by my brain as Pain signals.  In short - when my feeling returned, I was in unbearable pain - everywhere -  non stop - every freaking day of my life for the last 14 years.

I nearly commited suicide so many times.  Not because of depression or sadness, but because I simply could not imagine waking up every day to *this* - suffering - and *nothing* to be done about it because it is not physical as such - it's neuropathic pain - and it did not heal - and there is no treatment.  I have spent 14 years wishing to god that the internet had been around just a little earlier - because once it arrived I found another person who had done what I had done - and who had suffered identical damage.  I only found this *two* years after the fact.

I could descibe my suffering over the last 14 years - but I hope that I have successfully illustrated my point through this post.  Nitrous is *amazing*.  Gascid is *everything* that I have said it is time a *million*. There was nothing wrong with my perceptions - only my obsession, and total lack of self restraint.  I had my cake - and I was eating it - and I could have continued to be privvy to what I consider to be the best chemically induced experience that there is.  I found heaven - and I was such a glutton that I destroyed it through my greed.

I still believe *absolutely* in Nitrous - and particularly gascid.  It is simply the best.  Nothing is better - not even love.

I am almost done.  There are so many aspect of this story that I left out - because we're talking 15 odd years - hundreds, maybe thousands of *cases* of Nitrous (and about 750 hits of acid).  All I wanted to do was share it with someone else.

I have told only a handful of people about this - adn I have never told the wholse story at once.  If even one of you reading this, ran the risk of making my mistake - and if this post at some future point helps to prevent that eventuality from becoming a reality, then exposing myself in this way will have been worth it.

Please frends - be careful.  If you ever find Heaven - take care of it.


*Tagged by Xorkoth*
substancecode_nitrous
substancecode_dissociatives
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_experienced
explevel_retrospective
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_addiction
roacode_sublingual
roacode_inhaled


----------



## SmokeTrails

there is no way in hell i can read all of this


----------



## johanneschimpo

Good read.



Here is the trip reports forum, where I have a feeling this will be moved to: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/forumdisplay.php?forumid=40


----------



## mmmCHRISx

FUCKING AMAZING BRO! Holy shit.

Can you take any meds for the pain?!


----------



## Bob Loblaw

That shit sucks bro .


----------



## lenses

Well at least your mind is somewhat intact.

You are a good writer, and to be able to write tangible sentences says something about your mind. 

Do some intense research on nitrous pharmacology. Do you take B12? That could help...

PM me . I'm willing to do some research for you to help you if you're willing to talk in depth with me.I enjoy and am good at reading medical research papers and finding obscure answers... 

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, but I don't feel like writing them all down here at the moment. I think I can help though...

-lenses


----------



## brainwash

Amazing read. Thank you for posting. I wish there was something that could be done.


----------



## Atlas

I can relate to your attraction to nitrous and understand what you were chasing. In college we combined it with MDMA which would teleport me to another world where I would find the meaning of life and the universe only to have that discovery slip from my fingers as I trickled back into our physical world. I always loved going back to that land and each time tried so hard to hold onto that discovery to bring it back and understand it. It was like a marine biologist eagerly pulling up an amazing new creature from 10,000 feet deep only to have it rupture into an unrecognizable mess each time.

These excursions into nitrous land would sometimes feel like a lifetime when in reality they were merely moments.

I'm sorry to hear how your story ended up. Good luck.


----------



## Jabberwocky

moving over to Trip Reports


----------



## hoopyfrood

That was an awesome read... I'm not a nitrous user or anything of the sort (though I'm interested in acid), and I found every sentence of that story interesting.  

I usually don't look forward to reading long posts like that, but this one was well worth it.





... And I have to add.  I hope you continue to post on these boards.  If you write as well as that all the time, then I'd love to have you post here all the time.


----------



## Social Suicide

This was a truly amazing read. I'm glad I read it as I've been looking into Nitrous. I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## captainballs

that is fucked, dude. For a while I was a nitrous fiend, like I would do 50 every day for about a month. But then it just turned into a headache. That was only a couple of months ago. I didn't know it could get so fucked up, but I could tell that something was happening (anyone who uses drugs always gets "that feeling" with their drug of choice at some point, where the choice is either to cross the line into what feels like what could be an abyss or slow down/stop). I stopped, and it (along with everything else that can get pretty psychedelic) does not tempt me in the slightest. It's just too much, when you see that "reality" for too long that seems so full but is actually more like a hologram on a thin piece of plastic, nothing more. Good read.


----------



## QuasiStoned

mmmCHRISx said:


> FUCKING AMAZING BRO! Holy shit.
> 
> Can you take any meds for the pain?!




It's neuropathic pain that he is having, which makes it more difficult to treat (though I think there still are meds available for neuropathic pain, not usually opiates though).

That was a good read, I'm sorry to hear about your suffering though.


----------



## PippUK

Thanks for that excellent read. I send my regards and best wishes for the future. I hope something comes onto the horizen with regard to your pain.


----------



## Xorkoth

You should ask your doctor about Lyrica/pregabalin.  It's prescribed for neuropathic pain I believe.

That was a great read, thanks for sharing.


----------



## Xorkoth

I am very interested in further descriptions of "gascid", in as much detail as you could articulate. 



> But as we all know - the profundity of Nitrous is fleeting, and after the *epiphony* it fades so quickjly that one can't quite remember what it was that one was thinking - and why it was so funny. This, I found to be the curse of Nitrous - to have this understanding - so plain and simple - even expressible in mere words - if I could find them - or once found, if I could not lose them. How, I wondered, can we extend this experience - make the come down slower so that it would be possible to bring back some of this universal intrinsic truth to the real world.



I wondered if this was intended or a Freudian slip (bolded)?


----------



## Delta-9-THC

Great read. You are a good writer. Do you think this damage was mostly the result of B12 deficiency or oxygen deprivation?

I find the combination of LSD and nitrous to be amazing as well. I think the only time nitrous is worth it is when you are on some other psych. 

May I ask what kind of dosages you where doing. How much LSD? How many nitrous cartridges at once?


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi Everyone - thanks so much for the really positive response to this.  The first reader found it too long - but everyone else ploughed through - I know it was a long read - and a catharsis for me to finally tell it.

It looks like this post is going to be relocated.  I'm a newbie to posting - so I will check out where it goes, and the responses and will respond to everyone who seemed interested in one.  Again - thanks a lot - all of you.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

mmmCHRISx said:


> FUCKING AMAZING BRO! Holy shit.
> 
> Can you take any meds for the pain?!



Hi.  Yeah - kind of.  When I could not cope anymore - and was on the verge of giving up I met a way cool doctor who believed that no-one should live with interminable suffering.  he put me on a program and I was in the end prescribed a shitload of oral morphine.  For three years I was OK and able to manage - but then I relocated, and the doctors in my new location cut me off.  For the next 6 years I was totally screwed, and ended up abusing alcohol and anything else I could get my hands on, grow or make, to try and self medicate.  It messed me up big time.  A year ago I found a new doctor who was willing to prescribe again - but only to a limited extent.  But it's enough.  I can cope again.  I'm still in a lot of pain, but it's the difference between living and just existing. I tried several other routes - one of which someone else suggested, and I will mention it in my reply to that post.  Thanks for making the effort to wade through my epistle.

Pot helps too.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

lenses said:


> Well at least your mind is somewhat intact.
> 
> You are a good writer, and to be able to write tangible sentences says something about your mind.
> 
> Do some intense research on nitrous pharmacology. Do you take B12? That could help...
> 
> PM me . I'm willing to do some research for you to help you if you're willing to talk in depth with me.I enjoy and am good at reading medical research papers and finding obscure answers...
> 
> I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, but I don't feel like writing them all down here at the moment. I think I can help though...
> 
> -lenses



Hi,

Thanks.  B12 is the first route.  I found this information in the other case I found - the guy who went as far as I did.  But it has no real effect.  The logic is sound - but the reality isn't.  There are some other things that I tried - and will mention it in my response to that post.  I am always looking for possibilities.  I do take pain meds now - and Ritilin for the mental dysfunction - but neither of them actually improve the conditin - they just help me manage it.  your thoughts would be welcome.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> That was an awesome read... I'm not a nitrous user or anything of the sort (though I'm interested in acid), and I found every sentence of that story interesting.
> 
> I usually don't look forward to reading long posts like that, but this one was well worth it.
> 
> 
> ... And I have to add.  I hope you continue to post on these boards.  If you write as well as that all the time, then I'd love to have you post here all the time.



Thanks.  I know it was a huge post.  it was actually inspired by another I found (which was a lot longer than mine) but which was some of the most brilliant writing I have seen in this realm.  it was after reading it that I sat down and wrote all of this in one sitting.  I appreciate your appreciation.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

shibada123 said:


> Wow awesome read, probably the longest thing i've read since reading a novel at high-school 3 years ago... I hate reading and have a short attention span im glad I read this is one go simply amazing...



Thank you - I really appreciate it.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

captainballs said:


> that is fucked, dude. For a while I was a nitrous fiend, like I would do 50 every day for about a month. But then it just turned into a headache. That was only a couple of months ago. I didn't know it could get so fucked up, but I could tell that something was happening (anyone who uses drugs always gets "that feeling" with their drug of choice at some point, where the choice is either to cross the line into what feels like what could be an abyss or slow down/stop). I stopped, and it (along with everything else that can get pretty psychedelic) does not tempt me in the slightest. It's just too much, when you see that "reality" for too long that seems so full but is actually more like a hologram on a thin piece of plastic, nothing more. Good read.



Hi,

I don't know if you are aware, but there is a new type of Nitrous being shipped out that is extremely impure.  I have not been able to find real nitrous for nearly two years (yes - of course I still go there occasionally - just *very* occasionally).  This impure Nitrous starts off looking like it's going to go somewhere, but fizzles out quickly, and has some bad side effects - and is probably quite dangerous to do - even in moderation.  Maybe this was what you were doing.  Also - agreed that nitrous too often loses it's magnificence - but that's in part why I found the Acid synergy so incredible - it amplified the nitrous ten fold.  Even just smoking pot before Nitrous has a *major* increase in both intensity and duration.

And as regards this aspect - I think that the "less is more" principal applies.  Thanks for reading.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> That was an awesome read... I'm not a nitrous user or anything of the sort (though I'm interested in acid), and I found every sentence of that story interesting.
> 
> I usually don't look forward to reading long posts like that, but this one was well worth it.
> 
> ... And I have to add.  I hope you continue to post on these boards.  If you write as well as that all the time, then I'd love to have you post here all the time.



Hey Hoopy Frood - you seem to know where your towel is.  Did you ever count the number of vowels in a scrabble set (42).  Cool name.

Thank you for the kudos.  I would like to post a lot more - but I highly doubt any of them will ever be as long or as detailed.  That was kind of my swan-song introduction to BlueLight.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Xorkoth said:


> You should ask your doctor about Lyrica/pregabalin.  It's prescribed for neuropathic pain I believe.
> 
> That was a great read, thanks for sharing.



Thanks.  And you are spot on in your thinking about the Lyrica/gabapentin.  Totally the right direction.  Lyrica actually started helping - but I had an almost allergic reaction to it and had to stop after a few days.  I switched to Gabapentin (I'm guessing that's Preglapin).  It seemed to be starting to have an effect - and I had some hope for it.  But I was in remission - and while it helped the every day non threatening aches and pains, as soon as I triggered another event it was useless.  good thought - bummer it didn't work out


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Xorkoth said:


> I am very interested in further descriptions of "gascid", in as much detail as you could articulate.
> 
> 
> 
> I wondered if this was intended or a Freudian slip (bolded)?



LOL - it was a slip - you try writing that many words with brain damage - )

I'd *love* to talk about gascid.  But the topic is as vast as Chaos Theory - where should I start?  And specifics that interest you?


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Delta-9-THC said:


> Great read. You are a good writer. Do you think this damage was mostly the result of B12 deficiency or oxygen deprivation?
> 
> I find the combination of LSD and nitrous to be amazing as well. I think the only time nitrous is worth it is when you are on some other psych.
> 
> May I ask what kind of dosages you where doing. How much LSD? How many nitrous cartridges at once?



Hi.

It's comforting, and pleasurable to know that I am not the only person who has experienced this (I now know that there are many who have at least tried it).

The damage - from the research I have done - was due to hypoxia (oxygen depravation - but you knew that).  But I don't have any proof.  I didn't tell any of the doctors what I had done - felt too ashamed at the time.  So I had no testing done in the realm that it should have been.

As to the other question - I would say the full spectrum  Lots of different dosages and types of acid (each acid has it's own unique signature - which is manifest in the synergy).  Up to 500 mcg - and as low as 50 of acid - anything from one to twelve boxes of 10 nitrous cartridges at a sitting.  But I always approached it really slowly and it would sometimes be a 4 hour journey.  It was a bit like sex with god, so I liked to take my time...  )


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Thanks to all of you who appreciated my story, but who I did not respond to individually as there were no actual questions.  I think it's amazing that so many of you took the time to read it.  I will certainly keep posting - but I will try to keep it to more managable byte sized chunks.

It was hard to admit a lot of that out in the open.  Very much appreciated.


----------



## hoopyfrood

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hey Hoopy Frood - you seem to know where your towel is.  Did you ever count the number of vowels in a scrabble set (42).  Cool name.



I like you more and more every time you post.  

You know what's funny? While I was reading your story, there were a few things in your writing style that reminded me of Douglas Adams.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> I like you more and more every time you post.
> 
> You know what's funny? While I was reading your story, there were a few things in your writing style that reminded me of Douglas Adams.



)  He was my hero.  I met him.  In person.  Only at the time I had not counted the vowels in the scrabble set (Golgafrinchans).  It should have been the question I asked him.  It was tragic when he died.  I have everything he ever wrote - the radio playes and the TV shows.  He was my greated literary influence. I'm actually really happy that it shows.  Thanks.


----------



## expothead

great report - long but well worth the read - I was spellbound.  so sorry to hear of your situation tho.


----------



## 8L4YN3

SmokeTrails said:


> there is no way in hell i can read all of this



Good then don't, and save us your stupid bullshit reply.

Amazing read


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

8L4YN3 said:


> Good then don't, and save us your stupid bullshit reply.
> 
> Amazing read



Thanks for the support.  I can live with one heckler in an otherwise great crowd.


----------



## inotocracy

Amazing writeup and I'm sure the people who read it will take a warning from it. I'll pray your pain goes away one day.


----------



## hoopyfrood

TheMerryPrankster said:


> )  He was my hero.  I met him.  In person.  Only at the time I had not counted the vowels in the scrabble set (Golgafrinchans).  It should have been the question I asked him.  It was tragic when he died.  I have everything he ever wrote - the radio playes and the TV shows.  He was my greated literary influence. I'm actually really happy that it shows.  Thanks.



I'm very... no, _extremely_ jealous of you.  Adams is and always will be one of my heroes, and I have often said that if I could meet any dead hero, it would be him.  How did you end up meeting him?


----------



## DEFNSD

Hello, I can't really think of a way to express how great I think your story is right now but it was awesome. I really enjoyed reading thanks for the post.


----------



## tBirdee

Good read dude.

I can only imagine the pain you speak of, sounds rough bro.

Keep on keepin' on !


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> I'm very... no, _extremely_ jealous of you.  Adams is and always will be one of my heroes, and I have often said that if I could meet any dead hero, it would be him.  How did you end up meeting him?



Hey - I can talk about Douglas Adams forever, but maybe we should move it to somewhere relevant, so as not to go too off topic - not sure what the protocol is.  But I'd be totally happy to carry on talking.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

8L4YN3 sent me a PM, but I'm a newbie and don't yet have BlueLighter status, so I can't respond yet.  Will do as soon as I've done enough posts.


----------



## tBirdee

^ lol that sucks


----------



## hoopyfrood

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hey - I can talk about Douglas Adams forever, but maybe we should move it to somewhere relevant, so as not to go too off topic - not sure what the protocol is.  But I'd be totally happy to carry on talking.



Maybe I'll make an Adam's thread someday, then.


----------



## cosmicfrequency

Gascid, better than love?


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

cosmicfrequency said:


> Gascid, better than love?



Sigh... tough one to qualify - not entirely accurate, but the only words that came in the moment.  How can I clarify - the Gascid experience (it really does come down to Nitrous, as I have had similar feelings doing Nitrous on Good pot - and it is hard to tell where the acid ends and the Nitrous begins) - is, for me anyway, more than just personal.  I could use all sorts of analogies, none of which would be accurate, as words are inadequate, has become something of a religious experience.  This is not to say that it *is* one - or that I advocate any belief system to anyone else - but it often feels to me at certain points that I am wrapped in the arms of 'god' for want of a better word.  Like being in love - or making love with God (in a non-sexual sense).

I said 'better than love' - perhaps I should have said 'better than earthly/mortal love'  I have never felt so much love as in this state (for *everything and everyone) naturally.  When I am bathed in this particular light, I cannot deny that there is nothing more important than what I feel in this place.

I would nerver try to definitively quantify the experience - or those moments of the experience - only to try and describe how I feel.  And it feels like I am being embraced with absolute devotion by the divine (if there is a divine).  It feels like a spiritual love that has been there forever, not just for me - the human being mortal - but for what I perceive as my immortal and eternal spirit - the amalgamation of everything I have been through time, and will be in time.

I can't explain it - but I *could* guide someone to the same place so that they could form their own opinion.  I would never try to dogmatically define such an experience - only attempt to convey how I perceive it's essence.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

OK - I feel a need to add something to help to qualify the Experience that I call Gascid.  It started with Just Nitrous and LSD - but as my life and exploration continued, I started building technologies to enhance the experience - to guide it - so that if I found a specific 'place' in this realm that had a significance - that I could explore it further - quite specifically - and also return to it at a different time.  In short, I started working creating a means of technologically controlling the experience - as it is otherwise extremely random.  You can have an experience that you cannot recreate.

I guess the most accurate term would be hypnosis.  I found a way of hypnotizing myself, and creating quite specific subjective experiences (which is why I say I could guide someone to places I have been).  It began with creating a spinning disk, driven by a motor, which changed into a completely different animal on Gascid.  It was like having a 'crystal ball' - a device, ito which I could gase, and out of which came visions that were otherwise not there.  This was 25 years ago.  I have also spent a lot of time studying the effect of stroboscopic light on the mind (Anyone seen those mind/light machines?).  And cut a whole in the wheel and put a light behind it so that every revolution added a strobe flash.  The faster the wheel the different the experience - so that with a variable resistor attached, I could control the 'speed' at which I travelled.  It continued into many wheels which then interacted with one another, and my control became more accurate.  I implemented other lights and sound, until I had a space/time ship in which to drive around the universe.

So there is a deeper realm within this experience, one that is an amplification and has the ability to steer where you want to go.  I have since used other technologies (LED lights - sound - music) to further have control and to induce hypnotic trances while in this space.  Nitrous is the most powerful hypnotic tool that I have enountered - and even someone who is normally resistant to hypnosis, can very easily be 'forced' to enter a trance - and the depth of the trance can be controlled by the stroboscopic rate of the lights, and the speed of the other hypnotic tools.  I developed techniques to use during these deep hypnotic states to bring back information from my subconscious mind - or remember details that I would otherwise have forgotten as soon as the moment passed.

I did all of this over a period of about 20 years - so my level of control in terms of my ability to guide myself wherever I wanted to go because quite advanced.  And it became easy to return to quite specific 'places' that particularly interested me at a later date (which is otherwise almost impossible).

Unfortunately I have not done Gascid (or nitrous) in a number of years - so my machines were all dissassembled - and sadly all I have left at the moment are my memories.  But it is comforting to know that I can always return some day - perhaps when I meet someone who is interested in taking a journey with me.


----------



## psood0nym

I'm sorry to hear about the physical pain you're in.  It's obvious in everything  from 'local' level stuff like your word choices to the overall story structure you constructed that 'gascid' largely spared your mind. You're of a generation that was taught to write instead of instant message and text, but still, it's obvious. 

I think the title probably snags lots of readers and the compelling lead-in ropes 'em. But yeah, unfortunately long usually=low ratings on bluelight (most places online, really). In any case, it's a great read. 

Don't be too sure of your ability to lead a person through a 'gascid' trip with all your tech, though. We still all have substantially different minds and brain chemistry. However, I'm glad you were able to discipline the experience for yourself to such a degree.  I think we should use all material means in expanding consciousness, and your posts in this thread are a great example of the possibilities inherent in the use of those resources, and the dangers.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

psood0nym said:


> I'm sorry to hear about the physical pain you're in.  It's obvious in everything  from 'local' level stuff like your word choices to the overall story structure you constructed that 'gascid' largely spared your mind. You're of a generation that was taught to write instead of instant message and text, but still, it's obvious.
> 
> I think the title probably snags lots of readers and the compelling lead-in ropes 'em. But yeah, unfortunately long usually=low ratings on bluelight (most places online, really). In any case, it's a great read.
> 
> Don't be too sure of your ability to lead a person through a 'gascid' trip with all your tech, though. We still all have substantially different minds and brain chemistry. However, I'm glad you were able to discipline the experience for yourself to such a degree.  I think we should use all material means in expanding consciousness, and your posts in this thread are a great example of the possibilities inherent in the use of those resources, and the dangers.



Thanks.  I knew it was a long post and that many might not read it - but the feedback that I did get made it well worth writing.

Of course being able to lead someone through the trip has no guarantees of any kind.  And I tried to imply that the subjective response will be personal for anyone who went there.  However, the technological aspect does work as a 'track' to guide the subject.  The effect of light on the brain is a very big 'hobby' of mine - and my point was that it is possible to use this technology to produce reliable cerebral responses pretty much across the board - even *without* chemicals.

One of my goals in life is to develop this technology a lot further.  Life is a chemical reaction, and I believe that light is something that can be used to actually produce electro-chemical responses in the brain.  I believ that it may be possible to use an advanced version of this technology for medical purposes - allowing the brain to produce natural version of the chemicals that people ingest for certain types of ailment.

I also believ that with light and sound, it is possible to induce a psychedelic experience.  I hope to prototype this technology in time, and demostrate the theory.  But introducing light/sound technology into the psychedelic experience has the effect of playing a significant role on directing that experience.

Nitrous amplifies the effect of light on the brain.  The direction, colour, intensity, frequency and pulse rate of the light all play a part in this.  But I have yet to prove the theory.


----------



## Chainer

Ridiculous post man.   I am glad you are mostly alright now.  I tried nitrous for the first time about 2 weeks ago, did 1 cart in one breath.  I loved the experience, and it was very familiar, but I don't think I will try nitrous again.  Just wanted to see what it was like 

I know several kids addicted to nitrous because of all the balloons being sold at concerts.  Watched my friend do 2x 24cart packs in one sitting, must have been about 40 minutes for all 48.  Crazy stuff.


EDIT:  I am also prescribed Gabapentin, 300mg at morning/night.  It helps me sleep for some reason, and takes the edge off of a lot of anxiety I have.  It's not bad to abuse either, 2,800mg sends me on a loop when I smoke over it.  Even redosing 300mg for a few hours does it as well.  Feels a lot like rolling but without the rush.  From what I have read, it is relatively safe.


----------



## artaxerxes

Excellent posts, Merry Prankster! I really enjoyed reading them. I hope to read more from you in the future.


----------



## expothead

i think i've got OCD - lol.  is it pronounced gas-sid or gas-kid?


----------



## hoopyfrood

I'd imagine it's gas-sid.  No 'k' sound in 'gas' or 'acid'.


----------



## theatetus

I've been reading bluelight occasionally for a few years, but I didn't create an account until I read this post. I totally did recognise myself in your story, perhaps more in your way of being than the details of your story. 

Food for thought. Thanks.

I've never taken nitrous, but I'm experienced with psychedelics. Gascid is something I'll definitely explore. If you wrote up a guide for beginners it would be very appreciated by some. I concur with psood0nym's earlier post (the best reply in this thread), but a pathway "to the same place so that they could form their own opinion" would be valued.


----------



## ForceSith

Sir,

I have been a member (well, lurker up until 3 years ago) of Bluelight for many years. I have read numerous, almost countless threads here, yet I can count on one hand the number of times a thread has actually interested and intrigued me to post a reply and join the discussion. 

Your post was both interesting, enlightening, and a touch tragic. Superb. I, too, consider myself perhaps a bit of a "mad scientist" when it comes to things like these, and that was an incredible story and post. Bravo.


----------



## K1nGp1N

feel better man


----------



## EnYAY

WHAT A STORY MAN!

thank you so much for sharing that.


----------



## Ason Unique

Lol, crazy but I think Steve-O is the person who has done the most nitrous oxide.


----------



## TippyCup4Life

Intense.  That would be the most incredible illustrated tale of human hubris and a very humble redemption.  It's full on Icarus and Daedalus reincarnate!
And you still occasionally sip off the old hemlock?!?! 
What an enormous tragedy.  
Thank you for sharing that with us.


----------



## An Iz

Not to threadsh*t, but if you search erowid there are people who seem to have taken nitrous a step or 3 further than you have. 

The story that will always stick with me was about these two dudes who would fill an entire tank, and then do it on their boat every single day.  A tank is _at least_ 30 boxes of chargers.

I think that dude ended up 'understanding reality' even when he wasn't on nitrous anymore.  He completely 'got it'... and it meant that he needed to kill his best friend or something.


----------



## AshtrayBroom

What an incredible journey you've been on, man, and thank you for sharing it with us. I hold onto hope that your pain will be treatable in the near future. 

Btw, whoever said you write like Douglas Adams freaked me out, because I was thinking that after about the 3rd or 4th paragraph!


----------



## correctly

MerryPrankster,

kudos. respect. damn.

honestly, i read the comments before reading your long post..
then i decided to give it a read.. once i got started i just kept on moving closer towards my screen and getting so trapped in your story..

unbelievable.. 
i agree that n2o is fun! came up with some loop theory that everything goes around and there is no end nor beginning but i just know what it was about.. i forgot how i am to prove it right after it ended lol..
that was getting stoned and taking n2o a few mins after..

so sorry about your pain man.. i honestly hope that you will find a way to manage..

great  fucking read.


----------



## mr.smiley

its a real bitch what you have to go threw. 
im sorry man. 
you helped prove a point, that drugs are not a childs toy to be done by those seeking fun and enjoyment. specialy the stronger ones that can fuck you over for life. physicaly mentaly and emotionly...
And youd think that by now they would have come up with some miracle drug or some super vitamine that could help you cope with that neuroligacal(sorry spelling) problem/malfunction, you know...other than just takeing away the pain.
But to say the least your a pioneer of the drug world.
Bringing us indepth information of what can come...
We owe you our respect and our gradification.
...goodluck...


----------



## Excido

Seriously, I feel like we both deserve a medal. You got me, a VERY lazy person to read such a long story so early in the morning. At first I though 'MEH!' but I was curious, being a nitrous fan, having a few hundred whippets only metres away from me. 

I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I fully understand the "pull" of nitrous, I unlike a few of my friends however can show moderation. I ONLY indulge on Nitrous when "high" on something else, 2C-E and nitrous was absolutely breathtaking (The most similar to your Gascid I imagine). 

I always make sure I breathe in a lot of air in between balloons and such and take B12 supplements. Thank you for enlightening me to the possible dangers, god bless the internet.

My condolences go out to you.


----------



## Darkveiled

Thank you for sharing this.
An absolutely amazing read, I'm glad I took the time to read through it. And I'm glad you took the time to write it.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but I'm sure putting it down on 'paper' may make it clearer, even for yourself.

Thank you once again, and best of luck for the future.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

expothead said:


> i think i've got OCD - lol.  is it pronounced gas-sid or gas-kid?



LOL

gas-cid  (as in Gas and Acid) - I was extremely proud to see that it's actually made the Urban Dictionary!

Although I'm disappointed that I didn't get a credit ( I'm pretty sure it's mine - I came up with it nearly 30 years ago...)

)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

theatetus said:


> I've been reading bluelight occasionally for a few years, but I didn't create an account until I read this post. I totally did recognise myself in your story, perhaps more in your way of being than the details of your story.
> 
> Food for thought. Thanks.
> 
> I've never taken nitrous, but I'm experienced with psychedelics. Gascid is something I'll definitely explore. If you wrote up a guide for beginners it would be very appreciated by some. I concur with psood0nym's earlier post (the best reply in this thread), but a pathway "to the same place so that they could form their own opinion" would be valued.



I would not only be willing - but would *love* to write a guide.  Anyone who has done something like DMT, gascid (even Nitrous) and the like would undoubtedly like to have had something like this.

I think that even the most serious psychonauts would find it both intersting and useful.  The fact that I approached it somewhat scientifically - and kept a verbal/visual/written record of so much of it would certainly interest those in testing the validity of some of my experiences.

The thing that has made it possible for me to have any ability to express any of it is pretty strongly related to the technology that I used to help induce - or re-preduce the more exceptional experiences.  My edge is that I can remember a lot of it - even though I haven't done it is nearly two years.   That was my quest - communicating it - and I'd pretty much found what I was looking for by the time I lost control.

I'm still really new to BlueLight - so I have no idea how to go about creating something like this - but I would totally be willing to invest the time and energy if there was a genuine interest.  I'm pretty certain that even if the stuff I wrote was just a good enough 'hint' - that it could open doors for some that might have otherwise gone unnoticed.  Perhaps more importantly, I could probably point out some of the things to ignore.  I spent years figuring out some things that seemed profound, but were just sensory distortion.

I don't know if anyone is paying attention to this thread - but if there is/are - then let me know.  i have  had a few requests - and I am happy to oblige if I can.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

correctly said:


> MerryPrankster,
> 
> kudos. respect. damn.
> 
> honestly, i read the comments before reading your long post..
> then i decided to give it a read.. once i got started i just kept on moving closer towards my screen and getting so trapped in your story..
> 
> unbelievable..
> i agree that n2o is fun! came up with some loop theory that everything goes around and there is no end nor beginning but i just know what it was about.. i forgot how i am to prove it right after it ended lol..
> that was getting stoned and taking n2o a few mins after..
> 
> so sorry about your pain man.. i honestly hope that you will find a way to manage..
> 
> great  fucking read.




Thanks - I know it was an outrageously long post.  It's been really amazing how many people actually took the time to read it.

I haven't done Nitrous in about 2 years - mostly because the whippits on sale now are not the same thing that they were a couple of years ago.  There are some companies online advertizing the real thing and I really want to find some.  I did, in fact, learn my lesson.

The thing about that circular, yet ever-expanding loop, at least with Nitrous, is that even though I have forgotton 99.9% of the detail, all I have to do is go back - and within half an hour I will remeber it all.

If only there had been something like BlueLight back then.

Thanks for staying the distance.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Excido said:


> Seriously, I feel like we both deserve a medal. You got me, a VERY lazy person to read such a long story so early in the morning. At first I though 'MEH!' but I was curious, being a nitrous fan, having a few hundred whippets only metres away from me.
> 
> I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I fully understand the "pull" of nitrous, I unlike a few of my friends however can show moderation. I ONLY indulge on Nitrous when "high" on something else, 2C-E and nitrous was absolutely breathtaking (The most similar to your Gascid I imagine).
> 
> I always make sure I breathe in a lot of air in between balloons and such and take B12 supplements. Thank you for enlightening me to the possible dangers, god bless the internet.
> 
> My condolences go out to you.



Thanks.  And good for you.  If Bluelight had existed back then, and I'd had someone - *anyone* - to talk to, I would not have tripped up.

Despite my experience, I still believe that Gascid (and other Nitrous Combo's like you mentioned) are a good thing.  It's like a modification of the old 'guns' story - Drugs don't kill people - people kill themselves.

It was my mistake - I have shared it so that someone else won't make the same one.

Thanks


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi

To everyone else that I did not personally respond to - thank you all so much for your patience (reading such a long post), and sympathy.  I lived with both the awesomeness of the experiences and the consequences of my obsession on my own for decades.  It's been very cathartic to express it, and have so many understanding ears.

You're all awesome!


----------



## lostsoul.On.E

wow man its amazing your love for this gasid trip. you even said its better than love to you. i say id rather do mdma than have sex, but im not sure i would put it over love. then again, i dnt think i have experienced true love.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

lostsoul.On.E said:


> wow man its amazing your love for this gasid trip. you even said its better than love to you. i say id rather do mdma than have sex, but im not sure i would put it over love. then again, i dnt think i have experienced true love.



LOL - I can relate to that statement, too.  Actually - it's a pretty good analogy.  Pure MDMA is genuinely 'cemical love'.  Love - real love - manufactured by a drug induced cehmical reaction in your brain.  Truly mind fucking.  I remain in awe at some of the things this minor bipedal species can accomplish...


----------



## blend

If you wrote a book detailing the nuances of your experiences on gacid and your theory of the universe I would love to read it. It reminded me of a story I read by Daniel Pinkwater once. In the story the main characters get a kit that teaches them how to go into "State 26", a state of consciousness where they can perform psychokinesis and mind control, which they have lots of fun with but eventually they get bored. They go back to the store and the salesman says they are using it wrong - like if someone only used a car to listen to the radio. The real purpose of State 26 is being able to travel to different planes of existence. I thought this was the coolest thing ever and it sounds like you may have been going down this path  Whether that is the case or not, I would be thrilled if you ever took the time to write down some of your thoughts in more detail. Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the future.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

blend said:


> If you wrote a book detailing the nuances of your experiences on gacid and your theory of the universe I would love to read it. It reminded me of a story I read by Daniel Pinkwater once. In the story the main characters get a kit that teaches them how to go into "State 26", a state of consciousness where they can perform psychokinesis and mind control, which they have lots of fun with but eventually they get bored. They go back to the store and the salesman says they are using it wrong - like if someone only used a car to listen to the radio. The real purpose of State 26 is being able to travel to different planes of existence. I thought this was the coolest thing ever and it sounds like you may have been going down this path  Whether that is the case or not, I would be thrilled if you ever took the time to write down some of your thoughts in more detail. Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the future.



Sounds like a cool book - I should track it down.  FUnny Telekenis - trying to figure it out - was a huge part of my obsessive journey - but I should have stuck to something like telepathy - which is a touch more realistic for our current stage ove evolution.

I have wanted to write about this for many, many years - but had no idea how to even begin.  Bluelight was the fist time I actually though "Let me just *try* and see what happens."  I've been overwhelmed at the positive responses I have got, and it has really inspired me to think about this more seriously.  This might even be a good place to test it out.  

But I've been trying to think it through - and it's so mindbendingly complex, that even a starting point is hard to find.  For one, it kind of has to assume that the reader has done both Nitrous and Acid at some point - just for the frame of reference.  To try and explain this specific *synergy* to someone who has never done either would be beyond my ability I think.  But who knows - maybe it's justr the angle that I need.

But thank you for your feedback.  This has been an amazing thread for me - just by dint of the actual number of people who managed to get through it.  It received a much better response than I had hoped for.

And I believe - that with this post - I finally graduate to the status of "BlueLighter".  

I guess I'm here to stay.


----------



## blend

Just write it however it comes to you, its a start at least.... And then later if you want or it seems possible you could translate it for the less comprehending crowd. But seriously you should write it down right now! Or before it gets lost to time...


----------



## hoopyfrood

^  (to merry p) Your book would have a pretty small demographic to hit.  When you talk of telekinesis, most people probably would deem you a lunie.  

Fortunately bluelight has a lot of open-minded people.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

blend said:


> Just write it however it comes to you, its a start at least.... And then later if you want or it seems possible you could translate it for the less comprehending crowd. But seriously you should write it down right now! Or before it gets lost to time...



Thanks for the encouragement.  I wrote this post on the spur of the moment - but I have considered writing about this for years.  This was a bit of a test - and I have been absolutely blown away by the number of positive responses I have received and the depth of the compassion.

It really has inspired me - and I will most definitely make the effort to write something more focussed - even if just to post here and gauge the response.

Thanks again.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> ^  (to merry p) Your book would have a pretty small demographic to hit.  When you talk of telekinesis, most people probably would deem you a lunie.
> 
> Fortunately bluelight has a lot of open-minded people.



Nah - I figured that one out myself a while back - and I think for a while I actually qualified as a Loonie - even by my own standards - which are extremely flexible - durex-brain.

I'm embarrassed to admit that for a while there I was really chasing it.  I was fascinated with the whole Uri Geller trip when I was a kid - the guy who could bend spoons with his mind.  I grew up believing that we have capabilities way beyond those which we have currently manifested.  Telepathy, for instance.  I have had enough of what I perceive to have been *genuine* telepathy - not just coincidence - to actually believe in its possibility.  I accept telepathy as being a de facto reality - just not within my control.  But when I was younger and more foolish - and bent on being a pioneer who actually *discovered* something, I let my fantasy take over for a while - and chased the impossible.

Back then there was no internet - let alone a BlueLight.  I was on my own - for the first 20 years.  I was obsessed for a while with finding *proof* - something that would make people take me seriously - and not dismiss my thoughts and philosophy as a drug induced delusion.  But I lost my way - and I paid the price.

So no - while I have certainly slipped over the edge - in the here and now I am not at all likely to start expounding on the subject of mind over matter - or any theories on how it might work - even if I was at one point in my life so fucked up that I thought that I had glimpsed the mechanics behind it.

I do have to laugh at myself though.  I've certainly let my mind off the leash and allowed it to run amok.  I'm glad it came back....


----------



## ControlDenied

perhaps the real warning/lesson to be found here, is that obsession, especially with proving something unproveable, can be extremely dangerous. the universe has many mysteries not meant to be 'proved' or recorded in any way - reality existed before cameras and cellphone, and before us. so let go of trying to record the mysteries of life and the possibilities of magic/telepahy/etc. it will never be possible, and thank god for that because if we could master it to a science we would fuck it all up . in fact, as a species, we probably already have -which is why we shun all those forgotten dimensions today. get what im saying??

did you have accomplish/experience any form of telekenesis? i never decided if i believed in that or not, of course i know we're capable of a lot more than we admit nowadays, but like you i accepted telepathy as de fact reality - but telekenesis was always out of my league. havent done enough drugs! good many of us druggies get warned by almost dying or going to prison for life, not ACTUALLY.

you are a great person. keep it real! stay off the nitrous kids

edit:i just read your post above this one and realise you already know what i wrote in the first paragraph. but hopefully some other weirdo will read it and think twice about trying to prove the science of spirituality to himself with acid or whatnot. gotta keep the balance between 'drug as fun' and 'drugs as lifestyle'


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

ControlDenied said:


> perhaps the real warning/lesson to be found here, is that obsession, especially with proving something unproveable, can be extremely dangerous. the universe has many mysteries not meant to be 'proved' or recorded in any way - reality existed before cameras and cellphone, and before us. so let go of trying to record the mysteries of life and the possibilities of magic/telepahy/etc. it will never be possible, and thank god for that because if we could master it to a science we would fuck it all up . in fact, as a species, we probably already have -which is why we shun all those forgotten dimensions today. get what im saying??
> 
> did you have accomplish/experience any form of telekenesis? i never decided if i believed in that or not, of course i know we're capable of a lot more than we admit nowadays, but like you i accepted telepathy as de fact reality - but telekenesis was always out of my league. havent done enough drugs! good many of us druggies get warned by almost dying or going to prison for life, not ACTUALLY.
> 
> you are a great person. keep it real! stay off the nitrous kids
> 
> edit:i just read your post above this one and realise you already know what i wrote in the first paragraph. but hopefully some other weirdo will read it and think twice about trying to prove the science of spirituality to himself with acid or whatnot. gotta keep the balance between 'drug as fun' and 'drugs as lifestyle'



Hi

You actually raised an interesting and valid point.  Because - for me at least - this is where science and spitituality meet.  When you hit the 'proof' factor - and you cannot find the proof - but you cannot deny your senses - that's where  *I* got stuck.  In order to accept my perceptions it had to become a matter of faith.  A place where I believed in where I was going, but had to accept that *I* may not be able to prove it - to anyone - ever.

At this time - after about 10 years of being stuck here - I accepted certain things on faith - where it becomes more religious than scientific.  It was neccessary in order to see what lay beyond proof.   As I cannot proove any of my beliefs - I will not raise them in a topic like this - or I *would* just seem to be a nutter.

But Obsession - as you so accurately pointed out - was my downfall.  And my obessions was trying to find proof.

Thank you BlueLight for offering a safe space to think out loud.

I've had enough proof - and now - look - I have a forum where I can even talk about this stuff.  Where i wouldn't need to *prove* a theory, simply to be able to voice it - right or wrong.

The world I grew up in had no such forum.  My thoughts were mine - exeptt for those few I managed to share the moment with at the time.

At least it was a noble obsession...


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

I finally made a new thread post in Trip reports.  Called LSD & the Ulimate Truth.  It's just a story of a (n outrageous) trip - but those of you who liked my writing style might appreciate it..

)


----------



## ControlDenied

Merry Prankster, I hate to say it but the "age you group up in" might be half the problem. The age of rationalism, scientism (the application of science, which is neutral, to one's belief systems), etc. etc. the baby boomers milked on money and poisons. you won't find a more faithless era in human history.

i dont see why after all you've been through you should be ashamed to 'sound like a nutter'. I think it would take a lot for you to prove to a bunch of junkies, weirdoes and teenagers () , that you are actually insane. Especially after your very coherent posts here.

I also came to that place recently, where I have started to accept my 'dreams' on 'faith'. That makes it more beautiful and hopeful to me. It can't be proved, because if it could then someone could also disprove it. anyway dont abuse inhalants kids.  lol. and keep that faith flying. some day it will be your guide to the next world!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

ControlDenied said:


> Merry Prankster, I hate to say it but the "age you group up in" might be half the problem. The age of rationalism,
> 
> etc...
> anyway dont abuse inhalants kids.  lol. and keep that faith flying. some day it will be your guide to the next world!



Hi - I think one of the *main* reasons that I did not seek help - or feel comfortable admitting to anyone about my Nitrous problem was exactly because it falls into the category of "inhalants".  When I think of 'inhalant' users, I think of a derelict on the street, huffing into a plastic bag of glue that was going to rot their lungs in the end.

I saw myself - as well as being a spiritualist, seeking understanding - as a scientist - conducting bona-fide research.  I felt that if I told anyone what it was that I was doing - that I would not only not be taken seriously - but would actually be looked down upon, as some kind of junkie reject. I think that I feared that a chronic heroin addiction would be looked on more respectfully than a Nitrous addiction.  When you categorize Nitrous as an 'inhalant', I think that it grievously insults the Nitrous.

If only the world had been as enlightened and tolerant then as it is now (but Gob, we still have a long way - 'cause it's not that tolerant).

Thanks,

TMP


----------



## Moonmixer

Just straight up amazing. And I was captivated the whole time.
I would really enjoy hearing more about your experiences with Gascid. If there are reports, someone PLEASE direct me to them.

And I know it doesn't help, but I read an article recently about research being done on electromagnetic stimulation for chronic neuropathic pain. Just know that there IS hope out there, if it's just out of reach at the moment. Sincere sorrows and best wishes for ya.

EDIT: hardee-har-har I didn't realize there were more pages to this thread. don't bother telling me where to find more trip reports. 8)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Moonmixer said:


> Just straight up amazing. And I was captivated the whole time.
> I would really enjoy hearing more about your experiences with Gascid. If there are reports, someone PLEASE direct me to them.
> 
> And I know it doesn't help, but I read an article recently about research being done on electromagnetic stimulation for chronic neuropathic pain. Just know that there IS hope out there, if it's just out of reach at the moment. Sincere sorrows and best wishes for ya.
> 
> EDIT: hardee-har-har I didn't realize there were more pages to this thread. don't bother telling me where to find more trip reports. 8)



Thanks - It really brings me a lot of peace when I hear that people have read this whole post, and are still doing so.  I appreciate the comments a lot.

Thanks for the info on the EM therapy.  I hadn't heard of this - but I'm a bit out of the loop.  Much of the problem for me is money.  The things that *do* help with the pain - other than painkillers - are things like massage - but I just can't afford it - and for it to be effective, I would need it regularly.  I guess it's more acupressure than massage - or a mix.  I do a lot of my own therapy - but unfortunately, because of the nature of the beast - even if I get myself into reasonable shape by the end of the day, it starts all over in the morning.

At the moment I'm going through a 'good' phase - and it's lasted a couple of weeks.  There are certain triggers that set it off - but I'm pretty careful.  Yoga is great, and pot helps guide the Yoga a lot.

But thank you.  I'm making a contact list of people that are interested in reading more.  I'll add you to it, and will let you know if I post anything of relevance or significance.  Having told the story that far - I don't know where my next entry point would be.  I did post another (short) one on an acid trip in Amsterdam.  I think it's called LSD & the Ultimate Truth.  It's pretty funny.

Go Well.


----------



## Blurpinkle

Loved this story.  I would really like to have you tell it on my radio show on thursday nights.  PM me if you would like to do this!


----------



## 2CEECS

TMP,

Your story is incredible in its uniqueness, and commendable in its spirit and effort to systematically characterize and share an understanding of the brain's abilities, and indeed perhaps its relation to the mechanics of the Universe at large.

From what I know about biology and pharmacology, however, it may not be the nitrous that caused damage.  The effects of nitrous are not cumulative over a period of years, nor do I believe that brain cells die due to exposure to NO2.  They definitely die in hypoxia conditions, which are definitely prone to occurring when using nitrous, but not necessarily so (especially if one has a pure oxygen tank as well).  However, the intentional hypoxia you induced for several days seemed to immediately effect your cognition, and land you in the hospital a few days later.

It is clear that the nitrous is addictive; in fact, I bought my first 24-case of whippets about two or three weeks ago, and each time I used some of the 9 I have used, it needed to be a firm decision not to take another tempting hit.  It's extremely comfortable and beautiful, and yes, very powerful.

Using it as frequently as you did, it would no doubt cause a change in the brain to re-regulate receptor sensitivities, making you 'dependent' on it.  Some neurotransmitter dependencies seem to be more dangerous than others; it is possible to die from benzodiazepine withdrawl (GABA), while usually even the worst opiate withdrawls are merely hellish but not deadly.  NO2's effect on NDMA receptors may be one of the kinds of withdrawls that will pretty much make you crazy, if not kill you by itself.

Did you notice any neurological effects any time in the prior many years?  Or, did everything come collapsing down over only the three days that you were trying to get the very most out of the nitrous you could afford?

Again, thank you so much for sharing your story!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

2CEECS said:


> TMP,
> 
> Your story is incredible in its uniqueness, and commendable in its spirit and effort to systematically characterize and share an understanding of the brain's abilities, and indeed perhaps its relation to the mechanics of the Universe at large.
> 
> From what I know about biology and pharmacology, however, it may not be the nitrous that caused damage.  The effects of nitrous are not cumulative over a period of years, nor do I believe that brain cells die due to exposure to NO2.  They definitely die in hypoxia conditions, which are definitely prone to occurring when using nitrous, but not necessarily so (especially if one has a pure oxygen tank as well).  However, the intentional hypoxia you induced for several days seemed to immediately effect your cognition, and land you in the hospital a few days later.
> 
> It is clear that the nitrous is addictive; in fact, I bought my first 24-case of whippets about two or three weeks ago, and each time I used some of the 9 I have used, it needed to be a firm decision not to take another tempting hit.  It's extremely comfortable and beautiful, and yes, very powerful.
> 
> Using it as frequently as you did, it would no doubt cause a change in the brain to re-regulate receptor sensitivities, making you 'dependent' on it.  Some neurotransmitter dependencies seem to be more dangerous than others; it is possible to die from benzodiazepine withdrawl (GABA), while usually even the worst opiate withdrawls are merely hellish but not deadly.  NO2's effect on NDMA receptors may be one of the kinds of withdrawls that will pretty much make you crazy, if not kill you by itself.
> 
> Did you notice any neurological effects any time in the prior many years?  Or, did everything come collapsing down over only the three days that you were trying to get the very most out of the nitrous you could afford?
> 
> Again, thank you so much for sharing your story!



Thank you for your very coherent response.  Even though this story was a very long post - it is still a very brief synopsis of what actually happened.  My final period of abuse was longer than 3 days - I only described the final 3 days.

To try and answer your question as succinctly as possible - I would say that a) Despite some serious overuse in previous times - I never suffered any noticeable long term effects.  In short - a few days of Nitrous abuse will not cause the kind of hypoxia that will cause serious long term damage.

I was abusing the nitrous for about 3 months - the last month went over the top - the final week, a nightmare.  I pushed it way too far - I could tell - but I had no avenue of salvation.  It's highly unlikely that anyone else - in this day and age - would get to the point that I got without either someone noticing - or getting help.  I was the strangest kind of hermit - extremely practiced at hiding myself from others.  And the level of abuse was born of complete and absolute obsession.  I went nuts.  I belived for a while that I could truly understand the nature of the universe and explain it to others.  A noble obsession perhaps - but nonetheless as destructive as any can be.

It is likely that if nitrous had not been the costly thing that it was - I might have breathed enough air in between - or if I had access to an oxygen tank - been able to counter the deletarious effects of depriving my brain so completely of oxygen. 

The oxygen - or the lack of it - was the key factor in what happened.  No-one else need ever suffer in the way that I have.  The information is now available.  At the time - it was not.


----------



## jimborg

An absolutely incredible and moving post. As long as it was, at the end I wished there was more!! 

If society were to sort people according to personality, ideology, attitude and interests, we would certainly be shipped off to the same island. After reading I was imagining how cool it would have been to have a guru like you to lead me through some of my earlier experiences with drugs (and a fearless pupil I would have been).

I especially liked the bit in the dentist's chair as a child where you pinpointed the birth of your addiction. I too can recall my first foray into that world when my father (a doctor) gave me half a Lortab for a bad cough at around the same age. Playing Super Mario Bros. (the original) had never been quite so enjoyable. 

I had one question for you if you don't mind - what happened with the relationship with your wife? Are you still together? I'm interested because my wife and I also disagree at times on the role of drugs in a happy existence.


----------



## Transcendence

Thank you for sharing your story. I think by doing so you've prevented other people from going down that same road. It goes to show that even the most seemingly benign drugs have serious consequences if abused. I'm sure it's a small solace against the incomprehensible amount of pain you've endured, but at least you can know that some good has emerged from your mistakes. 

And I think that "epiphony" is my new favorite false word


----------



## !_MDMA_!

i just want to ask you, do you regret anything? if anything at all? something you'd change in your day to day actions?


----------



## peacelovedope

Although I am new to bluelight, I have a feeling that this will probably be the most amazing post that I will ever read here.  Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story.

I too have experienced gascid(but only once).  In fact, this was my first time using both nitrous and LSD!


----------



## ColtDan

Great read, very well written.


----------



## ParanoiaComes

God bless you (if you're in to that) Prankster for the GREAT post. Certainly one of the best posts I've seen on Bluelight thus far (lurking for a year). 

I speak for myself and for many other novice/experienced psychonauts on the fact that I would love to hear a trip report on this "gascid" combination.


----------



## Shambles

Excellent read, Prankster. Not many lengthy posts hold the attention but that one certainly does. Good tale well told 

And on the "gascid" thing - never called it that but LSD + nitrous is pretty damn fine. Add in some 2C-B and ket and it's even more damn fine


----------



## onefoursevenfive

AMAZZZZZZZZZING read  
well sad tho...
i kinda wanna try the gascid thing now tho.... lol, just not as much as u have obviously


----------



## passses

TMP, really great post and report, originally saw it on Erowid.org

I recently abused nitrous to the extent where I believe my body suffered an allergic reaction.

After having inhaled approximately 900 cannisters over something like 48-72 hours (from when I woke, to when I went to bed) I experienced a state of derealization.

I was in bed trying to get to sleep and was experiencing a tingling, buzzing in my brain (it felt as if I was able to feel my brain slipping into a Theta state), followed by a hypnotic state (something which I have experienced before, in periods of deep meditation and self-hypnosis - most psychonauts recognize this as bottoming-out). My heart rate and breathing rate shot through the roof, I was having a full blown panic attack, as much as I tried I couldn't relax - my cat who was sleeping beside me actually woke up and came and lay right next to me (marginally comforting, but I was still in a bad way). During this time all the usual stuff like ego-disintegration happened, and at one point I felt like I was able to pinpoint my own self's location in my brain. It was an extremely strange experience, and a good way to describe it is: I was unconscious, yet conscious at the same time. At the time, it was a fascinating, yet frightening insight into perspective, psyche, what it was to be, what it was to be me and what it was that made me me!

For the next few days after I was undoubtedly experiencing withdrawal from excessive usage. 
The derealization that happened as I was going to sleep was permanent and prolonged over 2 or 3 days. 
Waking up genuinely felt like looking through a window on my own existence, severe disassociation people!
This was an extremely disturbing time for me, and it _honestly_ felt like I was an alien. Just looking at people, faces and bodies accentuated this feeling - truly truly odd.

Additionally, it felt as if part of my CNS had been affected. I can't remember the exact part of it from my biology classes, but I believe its the autonomic part which controls bowel movements, etc etc. So this was manifested in stomach pain and not being able to eat properly. Pissing also felt very strange, can't quite work this one out.

Since the period after which my body had flushed the gas build-up, I have returned to my relatively normal self, but at the time it did indeed feel like I had experienced brain damage, and that I would not return back to my normal state.

Reading your post was fantastic, for educational purposes as well as enjoyment. The internet community at large is indebted to you and others who have the presence of mind to share vital information that was not available to them at the time, in order to prevent the negative consequences of not being properly informed from harming others. There's *nowhere near* enough information on cumulative build-up of nitrous and its effects. Thanks to you and others hopefully people will avoid using this drug in this damaging way.

One thing's for sure - I will never binge out on NOS again, on my last cannister I actually felt unbelievably relieved that I had run-out as my body was telling me I had done too much.


----------



## mojika

The pain you experience is Peripheral Neuropathy and is not due to hypoxia. you have a permanent nerve problem, not a brain problem. In fact, nitrous actually has neuroprotective effects (unless you drown yourself in a plastic bag or mask).

One cause of Peripheral neuropathy is Vitamin B12 deficiency. I know you said that you have tried it since, but that isn't going to help much as the damage is already done. B12 looks after your nerves- once you damage nerves they are damaged (think paralysis). This is why people need to supplement with B12 if they take lots of nitrous. This effect of excess nitrous is well known in the medical feild (but probably better known amoungst dentists lol). Try wikipedia. 

I know of two people with nerve damage from nitrous - both of them in the leg. However they stopped using the nitrous when this damage first occured. It is certainly addictive.


----------



## Sykik

That was a really well composed piece of prose'. 

I understand the delusions of grandeur, been there once myself. My GF studies psychology and she recently has done a study on neuropathic. From memory the treatment is about re-training your brain to interpret the pain messages differently. Kind of like meditating and re-wiring the brain, this takes time and patients to master from reading the literature. However i'm sure you know this allready.

I hope that you manage with your condition, and your story has informed me. This story goes a long way in highlighting the risks associated with hard regular usage of legal/quasi legal highs. And the current generation of 4mmc and bk-mdma users should take some heed from this message.

ps. I enjoyed reading your story, it is composed really well, with almost a gonzo style about it. 5/5 for style and coherency.


----------



## yucatanboy2

Beautifully written and amazing.  Thanks for sharing.  Your writing style and content is top notch.

I'm curious about your nerve damage, what are you currently doing for treatment?  Is it getting any better?  Have you looked at supplementing with gingko extract and or piracetam and see how that might help?

Some studies show they might help, although the studies used a lot of them, I would start low at first and build up.


----------



## nitrousreality

your story has changed me. ow old are you? are you really one of the merrypranksters?


----------



## hoopyfrood

I haven't seen tmp around here in a while. :/


----------



## crashbaldicoot

a great read just sorry it ended so badly.


----------



## Red2Green

I love to read long novels,.... always have.  So this was quite intriguing, and enjoyable for me   I haven't been on bluelight much lately, but for some reason decided to pop up the site this late night/early morning and have a look at some trip reports, and found this gem.
What a pleasant surprise.

It's one of the best trip reports I've ever read, and I've read alot.  I'm really into reading them over the past several years.  I've probably read over a thousand idk.  This is in my top two now.  The other being "Passing the Course" by William on erowid in the inhalants section.  It's the first report when you hit show all.  That report too, is very, very long and fascinating!

I read one by William White I think his name was also on DXM that was very good.  And I've read other great DXM ones also, their's alot of them.....some great mushroom ones also.... there's so many.... sorry to ramble.  Just wanted to throw a couple out there for people who love to read, like me.

Regarding this report.....

I've never been much of a nitrous user at all.  Only a few times, and then only with the whip cream cans you can buy at the store.  I've never looked into how to get the canisters, or even if its legal to get those where I live.

But the couple of times I've tried nitrous with E it's been pretty good.  I'm a very paranoid/cautious person to some extents by nature, so I've always gone very, very slow with the can.  Like not even taking too much at once, and inhaling air with it at the same time to be extra careful.  Once or twice I got a good couple of hits and it was good.

It's hard to get good ecstasy around here lately.  All thats around are piperazines, which fortunately for me, I love!  Alot of people hate them.  But to me they're the best in the world, with a duration of 6-10 or more hours off of one pill, with huge pupil dilation, eye wiggles, warping, tingles all over, music sounds fantastic, lots of introspection and clarity,......to me it's like X, only it's like tripping hard at the same time....

The next time I get some good pills.....MDMA orrrr pipes, i plan to go get some nitrous after reading this to see what happens.  I bet it will be great.  I'm also the scientific / explorer type when it comes to my drugs, and the pills I've had over the past several years ( in the hundreds ) have made me the happiest person in the world.  I've had so many great experiences, I just feel blessed about the way things are in my life right now.  I can't wait to try Gas-X :-DDD

I loved reading your report.  I'm sorry about the way things turned out for you.  Man, I wish you could have just slowed down, or be as lucky as I have to have someone ( my wife ) with you to SLOW you down.....  I love my wife so much, and owe her so much.  I'm very compulsive at times.... other times I feel I've shown great control.  But X is my drug, and I've been OUT of control more than a few times, and I'm just lucky to be here right now, and I'm lucky to not be like you in some way right now.  The internet age caught me right when things were getting a little out of control with my life and pulled me back in in some ways.  My wife had an "incedent", and I had a couple too that also reigned me in.  I have a daughter now also.... so..... yeah.  I'm middle aged now, and really slowing down with everything although I still partake in events occassionally and there are still things I want to do.

I truly hope and believe that there may be a way that you can get alot, if not totally "better" TMS.  I never believe things are permanents.  Our bodies and minds are so powerful.....I wish you all the best.  Thank you again for the wonderful story.

  Take care, and God bless you.

         R2G  G2R


----------



## Jackal

TheMerryPrankster said:


> I was doing a gig on Vancouver Island, sitting on the beach doing Nitrous all day long in tiny little gasps.  The first night I noticed that I had lost the feeling in the tips of my fingers on my right hand.  The next day, my left hand.  By he time I got home, my hands and feet were numb.  Two days later my entire body had no sensation, and I had completely lost my motor control.  Then I was in the hospital - and the year that followed never became cemented in memory.
> 
> People - Please pay attention - this is not a well known fact.  Not a lot of people have screwed up quite as badly as I did - and it's never been made public in a big way.
> 
> The effect of Nitrous Oxide is *cumulative*.  If you do it too long, it builds up in your bloodstream.  Then you do not have enough oxygen in your system - hypoxia sets in, and your brain starts to die.  And once you go past a certain point there is *no* coming back - ever.  Your life is fucked - forever - till the day you die.



That's quite a story.

Just to look again at this "cumulative" effect from Nitrous. I am presuming you to mean that sucking on Nitrous all day long, without stopping to breathe the air that we survive upon,  will lead to a build-up in your system which could lead, in turn, to Hypoxia?



I've taken much nitrous myself, nowhere near as many as you have, but probably 6'000 -10'000 whippets in the last five years and I tend to cane the stuff for days at a time and the feel nauseous at the prospect of even sucking one as a result.


One of the biggest risks highlighted on information sites such as erowid.org or here is the danger of "forgetting" about air. Another is nerve damage caused through Vitamin B deficiency brought about by the nitrous.

This has led to cases of people losing feeling in their extremities, painful pins and needles - and possibly the OP's problem had this a contributory factor, at least.

*Breathe and take vitamin B supplements while huffing N20*


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

jude101 said:


> That's quite a story.
> 
> Just to look again at this "cumulative" effect from Nitrous. I am presuming you to mean that sucking on Nitrous all day long, without stopping to breathe the air that we survive upon,  will lead to a build-up in your system which could lead, in turn, to Hypoxia?
> 
> 
> 
> I've taken much nitrous myself, nowhere near as many as you have, but probably 6'000 -10'000 whippets in the last five years and I tend to cane the stuff for days at a time and the feel nauseous at the prospect of even sucking one as a result.
> 
> 
> One of the biggest risks highlighted on information sites such as erowid.org or here is the danger of "forgetting" about air. Another is nerve damage caused through Vitamin B deficiency brought about by the nitrous.
> 
> This has led to cases of people losing feeling in their extremities, painful pins and needles - and possibly the OP's problem had this a contributory factor, at least.
> 
> *Breathe and take vitamin B supplements while huffing N20*



Hi - firstly - the nerve damage is cause from hypoxia - and the Vitamin B deficiency is the product of the hypoxia.  Vitamin B suppliments do not help to  reverse the damage once it has been done (at least this is my understanding after doing a lot of research/reading on it.  Taking vitamin supplements while huffing will do nothing - at least that is my understanding.  That is to say that a vitamin B deficiency *is* a result, but it can't be treated by attempting to replace the Vitamin B.

All of the above is based on this 'cumulative' effect, and it makes sense when you think about it.  Until this happened  to me, I did not think there was a danger.  The information available warned about freezing the lungs if breathing straight from the tank - and the dangers of fixing a mask to your face, as if you fell unconscious - you would die, if the mask stayed on your face, simply because you were not getting enough air.

The 'cumulative' effect itself is this.  Each time you take a hit of nitrous, your blood get slightly saturated (with either Nitrous oxide, or straight notrogen - I can't recall with certainty which, off the top of my head.  So even if you huff for a few hours and stop, trace amounts remains in your bloodstream for the next while (I am uncertain of the exact length of time - but I am going to be researching it all over again in the not too distant future, so I will post  accurate details when I do).

This trace remnant is *not* dangerous, as long as you take a long enough break between doing nitrous sessions.  Once a month you could indulge to your hearts content (you are already familiar with the 'hangover' effect).  A few hours under Nitrous is not enough to cause any kind of actual harm to you - and as long as you wait long enough between sessions, it will leave your system completely after a while (again - need to locate the corret numbers for you).

I *used* to think that once a week would probably still be OK - and I know I used it once a week for extensive periods without suffering any lasting negative effects - but given how seriously I was injured, I'd play it safe and limit it to once a month.  I can pretty much guarantee 100% that this will not cause irreparable harm - even if you did it like this for years.

The *real danger comes if you are using it every day - and I'm guessing even in relatively low amounts.  it is necessary to re-saturate your blood with Oxygen.  You should breathe a good bit during hits (I used to hyperventilate, between hits, just to be sure I was restoring the balance).

But it takes more than a day for your blood to clean itself - and if you are doing Nitrous every day, your are without doubt building up a saturation in your blood.  This saturation itself is not the priblem, it's that as your blood saturates with the Nitrous/Nitrogen, there are less molecules available to carry oxygen to your brain.  As you continue, your blood holds less, and less, oxygen, until your permanent state is one in which you are oxygen deprived.  The damage begins slowly - almost imperceptibly - and it takes months of regular abuse to cause any real damage. 

But the damage is permanent - some of it anyway - and once you have gone too far there is no turning back.  I was a fool.  My addiction became so ridiculous - and expensive, that I was taking tiny, tiny hits of Nitrous, and forning myself not to breath air on *purpose* to keep the withdrawal from taking over - so on top of saturating my blood, I was intentionally starving myself of air (I really had lost my grip on rational sanity by this point).  It was at the end of this pathetic period of my life, that the damage had accumulated enough to cause me permanent brain damage.

When I tell you that death would have been preferable to the suffering I endured the following years would be an understatement.  My 'recovery' was never complete, and never will be.  And it is a story unto itself.  If you, or anyone else would like to know the details, i would be willing to post them - but it is very, very personal, and quite traumatic to re-live.  I'd be willing, if it would serve a helpful purpose.

So there's a quick response.  No-one has posted to this thread for a while - but I am more than willing to write more if there is an interest.

Thanks for your thoughts.

TMP


----------



## indelibleface

That's very fascinating. 

The consensus that's always traveled around Bluelight has always been that nitrous oxide depletes Vitamin B12, and that B12 deficiency is the direct cause of the nerve damage. I've never heard the idea that hypoxia is the cause of both the damage and the B12 deficiency. You might be completely correct. I'm no doctor, though--can anyone else more knowledgeable verify the claim?

Anyway, that was quite a trip report. It should be on Erowid.


----------



## ControlDenied

al tales of self-damage, of myself and from others, are very disturbing

keep your world safe. i pray for the best


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Inedible said:


> That's very fascinating.
> 
> The consensus that's always traveled around Bluelight has always been that nitrous oxide depletes Vitamin B12, and that B12 deficiency is the direct cause of the nerve damage. I've never heard the idea that hypoxia is the cause of both the damage and the B12 deficiency. You might be completely correct. I'm no doctor, though--can anyone else more knowledgeable verify the claim?
> 
> Anyway, that was quite a trip report. It should be on Erowid.



Hi - I would not stand behind the observations that I expressed with absolute certainty - so don't automatically throw away what you have heard in here based on my writings - I cold be wrong  (ha ha ha ha  - did I really say that??? )

Just kidding  )

But here is something.  My 'Syndrome' (which is the most accurate word) has become quite a lot worse over the last 3 odd years - slowly - almost imperceptibly - but very definitely.  The thing is that I have phases and stages.  When I am in remission, things can be fairly good, for weeks - sometimes even months.  There are things that trigger an 'episode'.  The episodes themselves I have divided into 3 stages - and each stage, while maybe of a different duration or quality, still play by some fairly predicatable rules.

But recently this has changed - and those who may still be looking into this thread from time to time may find this interesting.  The change has manifested itself partly in intensity of the symptoms, and also the locations (or perhaps the extent of the spread of the locations).  But there have been some new developments that affect me in a very different way, in parts of my body that have not suffered before, and leaving more noticeable physical manifestations of the symptoms.  Being that the damage is not detectable by X-Ray or MRI - it has been very difficult - or even impossible - to communicate any of it to a doctor.  The more overt manifestation of the symptoms may help a bit - at least in being able to describe things as they might be at any given time.

But the increase of the symptoms - which have increased in intensity, location *and* occurrence, have  all correlated directly to the type and extent of the physical therapy that I have developed and practice.  I have been attempting to find more effective physical therapy - as I believe fairly firmly that the key to finding an effective and longer lasting therapy is to get my body into the best (specifically flexible) shape that it can be in.  To that end I do a lot of stuff like twirling Bo Sticks (like fire-sticks without the fire). It was after learning this amazing art that I suffered my first *major* relapse in years.  It was as though by doing certain moves that were not part of my normal regimen of motion, I had opened up a whole not channed - a sub-network of nerves, which spread from the specific vertibra that was being motivated - out through the nervous network belonging to it.  My first relapse lasted 9 months.

I then severely injured my knee about a year ago (and am going for surgery in about a month), and my inability to do Yoga or *anything* physical, had the expected effect of seizing up my spine, seriously limiting my mobility.  Once I began to regain my ability to flex again, I was hit fast and furious with new symptoms - all of which followed the 'three stage' quality of all 'episodes' triggered by specific events.

I do not know whether this is connected directly to the things I was doing with my therapy - or whether this is a product of aging (I am now 48 - it seemed to start getting worse around the 45 mark).

Anyway - to wrap this up - my point was that seeing as my condition is getting worse - and no-one has any answers for me (I do not even have a doctor who does anything beyond prescribe pain meds - and even then does so with concern) - so I am about to embark on this quest again - from the top.

I need to know more specifically what is wrong with me - to track down the relatively few others who have done to themselves what I have done - to examine the longer term effects of this syndrome - to discover whether there have been any breakthroughs in the field of neuroscience that might help me find something - anything - that would improve my condiotion beyond what I am already doing.

It is going to take time - but I hope to find the answers - like my uncertainty over the B12 issue.  And when I do undertake this task with vigor, I will most certainly post and share all of my findings with all BlueLighters.  I would love it if my own misfortune could in the end lead to the discovery of information that might actually help others who have done to themselves what I did to me - or even if the findings share common ground with other misunderstood syndromes - and which could be extrapolated to have a broader meaning.

I will post any information that comes up through my searches.  Thanks for your response and feedback.

tmp


----------



## hoopyfrood

Good luck man, hopefully there's somebody out there in your reach.


----------



## FractalDancer

Wow, really interesting story, thanks for posting. That's interesting that neuropathic pain can develop from nitrous over-use.. could lead to some clues as to how nitrous actually works as it doesn't seem to be fully understood yet. 

 It's so weird how it makes you think you understand the universe, then you forget it, and that this experience is replicated in different people.  I hate that 'what was that all about' feeling.


----------



## Idi0tequ3

damn bro great story, really sad. I just tried nitrous at a rave for the first time while on 600 mgs of gooood moonrock molly, and acid. It was fucking INCREDABLE. def the best i've ever felt, and the techno beats were pulsing crazy and the lights were intense. Fuck yea for nitrous, acid and mdma all at once. =)! 
but im really sorry about your condition man, i wish the best for you.
Also, isnt pharm grade nitrous from the tanks better for you than the compressed shit?


----------



## snookum

themerryprankster... you have no idea... you describe the type of sessions me and my mates have with such accuracy. There is no better high for some of us than the acid and nangs combo. Me myself, i dont get carried away and i've never tried acid. But some of my mates really need to read this. I recall one of them complaining about a numbness in the fingers sometimes. It really had made me sit up in alarm. I'm a second away from waking them the fuck up so they can have a read too!

I thank you so very much for taking the time out to share this here. It might very well save the life (or atleast the pain) of someone that i love. I'm so sorry you have to suffer to learn this lesson..


----------



## its.euphoric

im posting on this so later I can read the whole thing. Cuz im drunk right now... so I probably won't remember what I read lol


----------



## its.euphoric

ok so I actually read the whole thing today and I'm sober now... So anyways, First thanks for this long report. I know that must've been a lot of typing. 

I've always been intrigued by a trip report I read on erowid about nitrous. It was called... "Nitrous Oxide Revelations of God and Eternity" It has to be one of my favorites, if not the best one. And I've read soo many stories too. Probably in the upper 300's... idk, I've read a lot. It just really showed how much nitrous can do for you, and that nitrous can be something amazing. Ever since then I've just wanted to experience it a lot. But right now, I just haven't been having any money coming in. So yeah... I'm stuck. But sometime soon I'll try it out. 

thanks again


----------



## headdah

wow dude, sorry to hear that you are in the immense pain every single day.

I know i will be you in 10-15yrs time or maybe shorter.  From the first time i've done nos, I KNEW this was my drug of choice.  The first six months since i did my first nos i did maybe 20-30 boxes of nos weekly, started to feel really fatigue and tired all the time, did some research and started taking b12 tablets.  Then a friend of mine broke my nos dispenser when i lend it to him  (THANK GOD FOR THIS) i promise my self i would not buy another dispenser as i know how addictive it was.  Once u have the tools to do the drug u would end up doing more of the drug because u have the tools to do it.  Just like a cracky with a crack pipe!  
last 18months of so i've been just doing nos on weekends or so at a mates place, sometimes once a month sometime once every 2-weeks, but sometimes every weekend for a fair few weekends.  Then when i realise i'm back into the habbit i would stop maybe for a month or a bit more then get back into it.  
NOS is my heroin, it will always be. 

I have not noticed any physically damge cause by my nos abuse just yet.  But after reading your post I know my time will come, hopefully later then earlier.  In a sitting i easily chew through 10boxes of nos or more.  Used to buy big boxes which contains 36boxes at a time cuz it was cheaper to buy in bulk, but these days i just buy less although it costs more but it will mean i won't do as much.  The last time i bought a 36boxer i ended up doing about 10boxes on the bus ride home, heavily nossed out on the bus.  

Recently everytime i do nos when i close my eyes I go back to this magical NOSLAND as i call it where people and creatures are sorta like a WarCraft one looking things, even the landscape looks like it.  And with each nos in, I can go back to the same experience just like u discribed, as soon as this started happening I knew this is probably gonna be the begginning of the end.  As i can see my self getting more and more addicted to nos as I want to explore more and more of this magically land. Haven't been back to this land the last 2-3weeks when I do nos, (THANK GOD)  hopefully it will not return.  And i'm gonna see if i can try have a month break off nos again.

Thanks dude again for this nice nice nice read !

take care and be strong!


----------



## Listening

headdah said:


> NOS is my heroin, it will always be.



If you believe the OP and you see the destruction it brought and see yourself going in the same direction, why won't you fight against it? Sounds like you're going to let it happen. What is the addiction like for you? Why do you feel you must continue down this path?


----------



## headdah

i don't do it everyday no more like i used to when i first started doing nos.  like i said, i am just doing it on weekends now, sometimes every weekend sometimes every 2-3weekends or so and sometimes with a month break.

I won't buy another nos dispensor and tahts my way of stopping my self from going back to the routine of doing nos every single day.

I don't know how to explain the addiction, i just like it, absolutely love the feeling, the short acid lilke trips i get etc.


----------



## ControlDenied

I read The Dream Master by Roger Zelazny while "hanging out" suicidally in detox this last week... very good except the ending - pfft, why does Roger always fuck things up somehow? But he's still good. No Philip Dick, but as good as "the other" 60s sci-fi boys and girls.


----------



## Dondante

TheMerryPrankster said:


> nerve damage is cause from hypoxia - and the Vitamin B deficiency is the product of the hypoxia.



N2O inactivates vitamin B12, the depletion of which is directly responsible for the nerve damage.  B12 supplements may be a good preventative measure, but I think at some frequency of usage, they could still be insufficient, unless you were taking B12 injections (GI absorption is poor).  And depending on the degree of nerve damage, it may or may not be entirely reversible with B12 supplementation.  

Fascinating report though.  Thanks for sharing.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Dondante said:


> N2O inactivates vitamin B12, the depletion of which is directly responsible for the nerve damage.  B12 supplements may be a good preventative measure, but I think at some frequency of usage, they could still be insufficient, unless you were taking B12 injections (GI absorption is poor).  And depending on the degree of nerve damage, it may or may not be entirely reversible with B12 supplementation.
> 
> Fascinating report though.  Thanks for sharing.



Hi - thanks for the thought - unfortunately the B12 doesn't do anything to prevent or cure the damage.  I found this out when I did the original research that confirmed what had caused the damage - two years after the event.  If *only* there had been the Internet *before* I screwed it up.  It seems that while B12 is a massive factor in the Demyelination, administering B12 - does not work to replace or correct the damage.  I need to get back on the research - I let it slide for many years - but the thoughts that some have shared here has got me curious again.  I'm also finding a lot of references to MS - and I'm wondering if the pain I experience could be MS.  And if so - then this could provide a lot of valuable research as to the causes of MS.

Thanks for the thoughts

tmp


----------



## Jamshyd

[EDIT: Ack, should have read the thread till the end. It looks like Dondante beat me to address this issue. Still, I am quite convinced that B12 supplementation would have helped reduce the damage. ]


Thanks a lot for the report (I have read all of it), and I am very sorry to hear about your pain.

I would, however, like to comment on your understanding of the damage that you've incurred:



TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hi - firstly - the nerve damage is cause from hypoxia - and the Vitamin B deficiency is the product of the hypoxia.  Vitamin B suppliments do not help to  reverse the damage once it has been done (at least this is my understanding after doing a lot of research/reading on it.  Taking vitamin supplements while huffing will do nothing - at least that is my understanding.  That is to say that a vitamin B deficiency *is* a result, but it can't be treated by attempting to replace the Vitamin B.
> 
> All of the above is based on this 'cumulative' effect, and it makes sense when you think about it.  Until this happened  to me, I did not think there was a danger.  The information available warned about freezing the lungs if breathing straight from the tank - and the dangers of fixing a mask to your face, as if you fell unconscious - you would die, if the mask stayed on your face, simply because you were not getting enough air.
> 
> The 'cumulative' effect itself is this.  Each time you take a hit of nitrous, your blood get slightly saturated (with either Nitrous oxide, or straight notrogen - I can't recall with certainty which, off the top of my head.  So even if you huff for a few hours and stop, trace amounts remains in your bloodstream for the next while (I am uncertain of the exact length of time - but I am going to be researching it all over again in the not too distant future, so I will post  accurate details when I do).
> 
> This trace remnant is *not* dangerous, as long as you take a long enough break between doing nitrous sessions.  Once a month you could indulge to your hearts content (you are already familiar with the 'hangover' effect).  A few hours under Nitrous is not enough to cause any kind of actual harm to you - and as long as you wait long enough between sessions, it will leave your system completely after a while (again - need to locate the corret numbers for you).
> 
> I *used* to think that once a week would probably still be OK - and I know I used it once a week for extensive periods without suffering any lasting negative effects - but given how seriously I was injured, I'd play it safe and limit it to once a month.  I can pretty much guarantee 100% that this will not cause irreparable harm - even if you did it like this for years.
> 
> The *real danger comes if you are using it every day - and I'm guessing even in relatively low amounts.  it is necessary to re-saturate your blood with Oxygen.  You should breathe a good bit during hits (I used to hyperventilate, between hits, just to be sure I was restoring the balance).
> 
> But it takes more than a day for your blood to clean itself - and if you are doing Nitrous every day, your are without doubt building up a saturation in your blood.  This saturation itself is not the priblem, it's that as your blood saturates with the Nitrous/Nitrogen, there are less molecules available to carry oxygen to your brain.  As you continue, your blood holds less, and less, oxygen, until your permanent state is one in which you are oxygen deprived.  The damage begins slowly - almost imperceptibly - and it takes months of regular abuse to cause any real damage.
> 
> But the damage is permanent - some of it anyway - and once you have gone too far there is no turning back.  I was a fool.  My addiction became so ridiculous - and expensive, that I was taking tiny, tiny hits of Nitrous, and forning myself not to breath air on *purpose* to keep the withdrawal from taking over - so on top of saturating my blood, I was intentionally starving myself of air (I really had lost my grip on rational sanity by this point).  It was at the end of this pathetic period of my life, that the damage had accumulated enough to cause me permanent brain damage.
> 
> When I tell you that death would have been preferable to the suffering I endured the following years would be an understatement.  My 'recovery' was never complete, and never will be.  And it is a story unto itself.  If you, or anyone else would like to know the details, i would be willing to post them - but it is very, very personal, and quite traumatic to re-live.  I'd be willing, if it would serve a helpful purpose.
> 
> So there's a quick response.  No-one has posted to this thread for a while - but I am more than willing to write more if there is an interest.
> 
> Thanks for your thoughts.
> 
> TMP



While you are right that taking B12 after the fact is useless, it seems to me that you may have be a bit confused about the interaction between Nitrous, B12, and Hypoxia. 

Supplementation with B12 while taking Nitrous chronically is _essential_ because Nitrous Oxide actually destroys Cyanobalamine through oxidation. Prolonged exposure will basically lead to a type of Anemia

And while the article is not about N2O-induced Anemia, the condition is pretty similar. There is even mention of N2O:



> Many drugs impair Cbl uptake in the ileum but rarely are a cause of symptomatic vitamin B-12 deficiency because they are not taken long enough to deplete body stores of Cbl (eg, *nitrous oxide*, cholestyramine, para -aminosalicylic acid, neomycin, metformin, phenformin, colchicine).



Note that the only reason said drugs are quoted as not being significantly risky is because they are taken for a short time - and the opposite of this is exactly the case with Nitrous-binging. 

I am honestly not quite sure about it being cumulative in the blood and replacing oxygen being the direct reason you had problems, as it seems you are understanding it. While this may be true, again it is has not much to do with your blood being saturated with one gas instead of another, but more with the fact that chronic-exposure to N2O and lack of supplementation of B12 will lead to Anemia, which in turn will of course lead to hypoxia. The symptoms you describe with the numbness seem to me as classic symptoms of Pernicious Anemia. 

Hope this helps! (and please feel free to correct me if I went wrong anywhere)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Jamshyd said:


> While you are right that taking B12 after the fact is useless, it seems to me that you may have be a bit confused about the interaction between Nitrous, B12, and Hypoxia.
> 
> Supplementation with B12 while taking Nitrous chronically is _essential_ because Nitrous Oxide actually destroys Cyanobalamine through oxidation. Prolonged exposure will basically lead to a type of Anemia
> 
> And while the article is not about N2O-induced Anemia, the condition is pretty similar. There is even mention of N2O:



I Stand corrected - thank you.  And you're right - my opinions are a lay-person's and the information i was misquoting, I read a long time ago.  That was enlightening about the B12.

A little more information though - if the destruction of B12 led to anemia and the anemia led to hypoxia, then the hypoxia led to the Demyelination of a large section of nerves in my neck (after  which I lost all tactile sensation -my entire body went numb, loss of motor control (couldn't hold things, play a musicalinstrument (for 3 months) - electric shocks every time I bent my neck which were so powerful that they paralyzed me for about 5 seconds each time, and finally, when my tactile sense returned, the Demyelination  seemed to have short-circuited my system - and I felt pain everywhere that I should have just felt existence.  Neuropathic pain - so nothing to be done aboutit.  While the pain feels like there is something seriously wrong with me - I have come to understand that it is just pain - there is no actual danger.

The last two years things have got quite a lot worse.  I have been compensating by pushing my physical condition to the extreme - incredibly fit- incredibly active - incredibly strong - and muscular - Yoga, Tai-Chi, dance, - the theory being that if I am 500%fit and flexible, I willkeep my mobility.  But I pushed too hard at one point. Just *one* day, and the house of cards came crumbling down.  I'm now suffering severe spinal pain. 


But I digress...

"...hat chronic-exposure to N2O and lack of supplementation of B12 will lead to Anemia, which in turn will of course lead to hypoxia. The symptoms you describe with the numbness seem to me as classic symptoms of Pernicious Anemia. 

Hope this helps! (and please feel free to correct me if I went wrong anywhere)
"

Thanks for your thoughts.  I need to get back into research mode.  I am wondering whether I may have developed MS. It's time to start doing my homework again.


[/color][/QUOTE]


----------



## ControlDenied

permanent self-inflicted health problems, and the underlying mental and emotional issues are no joke...here's praying our "society" can evolve a technique of educating people and helping them with the true cause of their behaviour instead of attacking symptoms (which is what we do as addicts in the 1st place)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

*Beware of the light that burns too bright*



headdah said:


> wow dude, sorry to hear that you are in the immense pain every single day.
> 
> *I know i will be you in 10-15yrs time or maybe shorter.  From the first time i've done nos, I KNEW this was my drug of choice.  The first six months since i did my first nos i did maybe 20-30 boxes of nos weekly,
> *
> Thanks dude again for this nice nice nice read !




Hi.  Thanks for the kudos.  you certainly do seem to have walked a similarly precarious road as I.  I wrote you quite a long response last night, but I lost it accidentally just as I was about to post it.

There were two basic themes.

1)  Yeah - Hippie Crack - Psychedelic Heroin - it is the best (Gascid - the synergy of the two are a *perfect* harmony). There is nothing better - it's the ultimate - no point in trying to use words-it just is Heaven in this life - making love with God - being the Universe across all points of time, space and thought - subjetive understanding of life, the universe and everything.    We agree on all of this.

2)  you read the entire thing.  You have read of some of the consequences - but not the most horrific as they were too personal to tell.  You see that you are attracted to it with a force like my own was.  You have been fortunate to have not suffered any permanent damage already.  Unlike me, you have been warned, in time, directly.in person, with one of the surviving casualties of this  Holy War...

And yet you haven't immediately hit the brakes, full on and come to a sudden, immediate, screeching halt, stopped the vehicle, got out and gone and taken a leisurely 12 month long stroll through the famous hanging gardens of oh-my-fucking-god-that-was-so-close-and-I-am-going-to-take-several-months-or-years-to-reflect-on-my-life-to-make-sure-that-I-continue-to-have-one..

I guess while I share your appreciation of the chemical art-form that is Gascid - I was also burned by the light - ad I implore you to consider your future very carefully.  Chronic pain has ruined much of my life since then - and owing to the consequences,I lost pretty much everything I had built, including my marriage.  I could go on - but instead I will mention that while I posted this and warned of the chronic suffering I have endured-but I made no mention of the 'lost year' that is the first year immediately following the 'event' - and I prefer not to remember it - let alone relate it to anyone else. But some of the things that happened as a consequence... you just do *not* want to go there.  If you're still reading this thread, let me know - and I will tell you just two things that happened to me.  I don't even want to *think* about them, let alone paraded them in front of others - but if you think that there is *any* chance that you might walk down this road - despite my warnings, then let me know - and I will give you two mental snapshots of a place that I would way preferred to have been dead- and if I stood a chance of going through these things again - *would* kill myself before experiencing it.

Your attitude in this post really *scared* me - on your behalf.  You just *cannot* afford to be cavalier about it.  If you experienced any of the kinds of revelations that I did - if you see this experience through holy and humble eyes - then a part of you - no matter how small - knows that it's not just your life that is at stake - it's your immortal soul.

I will share even the horrors I'd prefer to never think of again, if it would in any way contribute to you avoiding a consequence that you would regret more than all your life's regrets combined, and from which you would never, ever fully recover.

Sorry - I didn't mean to get all preachy on you.  But i *know* how you feel about this thing - and I can even validate it for you - but if you disrespect the Holy, too often for too long, you *will* be burned by the light. 

Don't forget what happened to Adam...



Take care of yourself.  If you ever need to talk about any of this, please do not hesitate to talk to me.

The Merry Prankster


----------



## Ant0lak

What a fascinating story... and thanks for the insight on longterm n2o effects.. and this gascid concoction sounds truly epic..


----------



## she phoenix

I have a very short attention span when reading long posts like that usually, but I managed to read all of that in one go - which really means a lot, especially considering the fact that I am stoned right now. 
It was amazing. You are a superb wordsmith and although I myself am a writer I feel nothing next to what you wrote.
I LOVE nitrous so much as well. Luckily, I am usually only able to use it a few times a year. I would use it soo much more if it were easier. And one day it may be easier for me to consume more, so I will pay attention to your words. 
Thanks for the amazing story.


----------



## headdah

hey dude, yes i'm still reading this thread. in fact i've been checking up on this thread for many days now waiting for your reply on my comments.
Yes I will try to cut back that is for sure.  After last few weekends' big binging I can feel I am feening for Nos again during the week. which is not good at all.  haven't feen'd for nos for a long long time now.  I will try my best and cut back to doing once a month or so again.  Hopefully can find some nice acid to combine with the session.  Then I will put the nos away for another month or so to minimise long term damage to my braincell(s).  

Best Wishes again

headdah


----------



## SmallPoxx

On impure nitrous. Im a frequent user of nitrous. Earlier the merryprankster mentioned something about impure nitrous, nitrous that does not deliver the same buzz and seems well "dirtier" i guess. And this may be accurate as im certain that ive had some brands of nitrous that were better then others so im wondering if anyone knows about specific brands that might be impure and thus dangerous. I dont really want to be inhaling tainted nitrous, and it seems as if cartridges should be held at a high standard in the first place but what do i know really. Does anybody know more on the subject?


----------



## MattPD

Lovely post Merry, I greatly hope that you can get yourself back into good shape and I definitely feel for your chronic pain.

One thing I'm amazed at is how many people are just gobsmacked by the thought of combining LSD and N20...I thought everyone had done that.


----------



## Delta-9-THC

SmallPoxx said:


> On impure nitrous. Im a frequent user of nitrous. Earlier the merryprankster mentioned something about impure nitrous, nitrous that does not deliver the same buzz and seems well "dirtier" i guess. And this may be accurate as im certain that ive had some brands of nitrous that were better then others so im wondering if anyone knows about specific brands that might be impure and thus dangerous. I dont really want to be inhaling tainted nitrous, and it seems as if cartridges should be held at a high standard in the first place but what do i know really. Does anybody know more on the subject?



I'm not sure if this is the thread for this but I have always wondered what the black grease-like residue that is left on the cracker after doing a bunch of balloons is. Doesn't look to healthy to me.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

she phoenix said:


> I have a very short attention span when reading long posts like that usually, but I managed to read all of that in one go - which really means a lot, especially considering the fact that I am stoned right now.
> It was amazing. You are a superb wordsmith and although I myself am a writer I feel nothing next to what you wrote.
> I LOVE nitrous so much as well. Luckily, I am usually only able to use it a few times a year. I would use it soo much more if it were easier. And one day it may be easier for me to consume more, so I will pay attention to your words.
> Thanks for the amazing story.



Thanks you so much!  You are one of a few people who left similar observations - that is - that they were not into reading long posts, almost never did, and wanted to let me know that the fact that they did is a statement in itself as to how much they appreciated my efforts.  I have overwhelmed by the sheer  *volume* of responses to this post.  I had *expected* most people would read a page or so at most, and upon realizing the length of the post - skimmed through the rest-maybe stopping to read a few highlights that stood out.

The actual number of people who made a comment complaining about the length of the post was 1 (one)!  He/She was the first person to post a comment, and it was simply "there is no way in hell i can read all of this".  Everyone else who commented had something positive to say.  I appear to have hit different people in different places.  Some have automatically offered me their sympathy.  Others have zoomed into the neuro-science and biochemistry in an attempt to offer me a potential solution, and others in addition to this have really enjoyed the actual artistry of my writing.  I have wantedto write something for others to see for years - decades really - and I always knew that when I wrote - it would be a psychedelic writing of some sort.  There was nothing else that I really wanted to write about.

The night that I wrote it (yeah - I wrote it in a single sitting - ir took about 4 hours straight) was a truly inspired moment in my lift. it was one of those times that I was able to pull the very best of my talents and gifts and pour it out into a story that I have wanted to tell for most of my adult life.  I would like to continue writing - and have posted a lot more in here - search for it.  In fact a number of people asked me to put their names on a list and email them if I posted anything new - which I did  ( but I have not written for months owing to personal time constraints).

I'll stop the sermon and just say that it has really meant a *lot* to me to have had the good fortune to have had people like yourself take the time to go through such a detailed and intense piece of writing.  I had ultimately hoped only that *one* person read it all the way through and enjoyed it.  Instead I got - I don't know - at least 50 by now - really, really positive responses.

Thanks - to all of you.

tmp


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

SmallPoxx said:


> On impure nitrous. Im a frequent user of nitrous. Earlier the merryprankster mentioned something about impure nitrous, nitrous that does not deliver the same buzz and seems well "dirtier" i guess. And this may be accurate as im certain that ive had some brands of nitrous that were better then others so im wondering if anyone knows about specific brands that might be impure and thus dangerous. I dont really want to be inhaling tainted nitrous, and it seems as if cartridges should be held at a high standard in the first place but what do i know really. Does anybody know more on the subject?



http://www.bestwhip.com/

These guys *claim* to have pure product.  While being cautious, it is clear that they understand the distinction, and guarantee the real deal.  I have not tried them yet - mostly cause I'm too poor (lol) - but they're cheap - and they ship.  If you test them, please let me know.  (I don't believe that saying this stuff is inappropriate as it's all legal.)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

MattPD said:


> Lovely post Merry, I greatly hope that you can get yourself back into good shape and I definitely feel for your chronic pain.
> 
> One thing I'm amazed at is how many people are just gobsmacked by the thought of combining LSD and N20...I thought everyone had done that.



Acid used to be a lot stronger than it is these days.  I must have done 25 different 'flavours of Gascid'.  All sorts of dosages too - and different times into the acid.  I perfected a kind of Gascidic Yoga - where the hits of Nitrous are done with Yogic breahting techniques. I have created all sorts of technological light driven toys - designed - in essence - an experience.  Lots of specific optical technology (hypnotic - a very different reality in the Gascid realm).  Imagine having someone hypnotize you while on Gascid.  I successfully designed a number of experiences - designed to be experienced while on Nitrous and LSD.  What I did for 25 odd years was design musical light shows - all choreographed to go with the Gascid experience.  I successfully took a couple of very close friends on a journey across the universe.  I found a 'place' and built a bridge to it - so that I could always return and explore the island.  

The  key problem with Nitrous was than when you came back - you always forgot where you were.  I found a reliable way to overcome this.  As such it feels alomost like I know everything that there is to know - but I need Nitrous (or gascid) to remember it.  Fortunately I have also, over the years, developed a way of remembering, and even bringing back something from the gascid realm to this realm  - a way of remembering the thought, normally kind of too complex for our brains to comprehend - and bringing that thought - in its entirety back to earthly memory.  And I can go back any time, to retrieve whatever I want from all that I have learned.  I've managed to mix technology and drugs to create a reliable, and partly controllable, 'place'.  A stable 'wormhole'.  One that I can visit any time (as long as I have the chemicals), and to which I can also guide someone else (and have successfully done so) if they really want to go.  Gascid to me extends way beyond the chemistry.  I built a sort of space/time machine to explore it - and plot it so that the next time I return, I can start where I left off the previous time.

LOL

You must realize by now that I am quite, quite,mad...

)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

headdah said:


> hey dude, yes i'm still reading this thread. in fact i've been checking up on this thread for many days now waiting for your reply on my comments.
> Yes I will try to cut back that is for sure.  After last few weekends' big binging I can feel I am feening for Nos again during the week. which is not good at all.  haven't feen'd for nos for a long long time now.  I will try my best and cut back to doing once a month or so again.  Hopefully can find some nice acid to combine with the session.  Then I will put the nos away for another month or so to minimise long term damage to my braincell(s).
> 
> Best Wishes again
> 
> headdah



Hi,

The thing about doing the Nitrous by itself is that it goes *so* quickly.  Tolerance builds up quickly.  If you do it on top of acid and really take your time and enjoy the space.  Nitrous by itself is quite the waste.  Even smoking a good hit of pot will make a difference.

I don't know if this is too public a forum to discuss it, but I'd be reallycurious as to your relationship with Nitrous - the kinds of experiences you hve had- what you make of it all.  I have done almost all of my journeying alone - there have been very few partners - and I took myself quite seriously for a while.  I kept diaries - notes - I recorded sessions, all kinds of stuff.

If you're into it, I'd love it if you would tell me a little about your experiences - anything that you can put into words (as they are such an inefficient tool when it comes to trying to explain the profound).  

While I have journeyed so far, almost all of it has been alone.

Care to Share?

tmp


----------



## MindlessBilly

Wow great story! I was headed down the same path as you last year doing atleast 20 boxes a week, it was not until my feet started to go numb that i was able to take a step back and realize the damage i was doing to my self. Stupidly being addicted i didnt take as much of a huge step back as i probably should have & it took a while to get out of the grip nitrous had on me. The numbness in my feet is still there today also im unable to bend my toes properly, its fucking scary to think if i had of kept up that life style i had my situation would be far worse. 

I still use nitrous from time to time maybe a couple of times a month depending on my financial situation but between the high cost and the fact my tolerance is so high that even after long breaks nitrous just does not have that same magic it once had its becoming less & less desirable.

Some of your experiences with acid/nos sound so very much like mine from working out the entire universe, laughing about it all only to have it all dissolve away and be dragged back into reality. The knowledge that nos gave me is what made it so damn addictive as i was trying to work everything out & getting frustrated that i could grasp it all for a second only to loose it again.

Anyways thanks for sharing your story its something that will stick with me & hopefully keep me from falling back into the nitrous trap down the road


----------



## chugs

Hi MerryPrankster

shit i'm going have to do some nitrous to find out why nitrous addicts are douglas adams addicts. a universal truth in seekers of universal truths.

indeed one of my nitrous thoughts (remember only because it was thought of when i was coming down) was perhaps the reason for forgetting the answer was because I didn't know the question! 

your story reminds me of my old days (of many addictions) of using nitrous. Nitrous gives you a saltatory effect albeit with instant memory loss. 

Apart from some personal issues i have always wondered this about Nitrous: 

Was the drug itself reasonable for titillating a certain part of my brain or was it allowing my brain to break barriers and accessing previously inaccessible information? Perhaps I don't make any sense on this. It has been years since I have chased (seriously) the nitrous cloud of deja vu and truth. But I could never separate a feeling of whether there was any fact in the reality that nitrous was a drug that truly allowed for the transceding of our reality to that of where access to everything and anything was granted albeit for a sweet few minutes at best.

I remember riding that never ending feeling of deja vu, of knowing the truth about some personal issues, of escaping the terrible layers of loss, riding a though into a totality of truth . Like that song you have with your first love (that always takes you back) nitrous allowed me to go back to (ironically) that first love. 

I constantly tried to push the dose, if only I could inhale for longer, and longer. I would get deeper into it. I too felt a mad man pushing not for some psychonaut desire to find the truth of the universe (that was just a secondary aim) but really a selfish one to escape back into those feelings of old.

I would hyperventilate and hold my breath whilst inhaling 3 bulbs. Taking one breath I would load another 3 or 4 until I would find myself going through at least 100 up to 200 bulbs.  (sometimes more). I no longer remember how frequently this ritual was but it seemed very regular, daily perhaps, perhaps not all the time I do remember acid, MDMA and speed punctuating that existences. Some days after binging I would find myself waking up in the morning from lying on my desk all night, wondering what had happened. 

Nitrous gave me hope of reliving a moment of my life that mere words cannot describe and I hate it for letting me get travel to that feeling, that moment, that truth, letting me enter only to find out that after I leave I had to surrender all that I learnt, felt, loved, desired, wanted at the fucking door of comedown.

In frustration I tried to type, write my experience, i thought i was only to discover that in my delusions I was typing but found the reality to be empty of anything meaningful. The bitch nitrous made it clear I would know it held the key to the door but that truth was never going out the doorway. 

Perhaps i was addicted to nitrous. after my intense 12 months of experimentation of pushing the bubble I got bored and sick of it. Add several days of speed binge, lots of bugs, and subsequence psychoses (i'm terrible sensitive to pretty much all drugs) I gave up much of everything (well to the extent that those old days dictated).

Its funny. In some ways I miss my even older days of innocecent nitrous use. I remember going through an entire case of nitrous (we purchased three entire supermarkets worth of nitrous stock on the pretence it was for a family business - hell we were fifteen and had $3 grand to spend) of my more useful nitrous use. Lying in the bush, listening to Mad Professors "No Protection" (there is no greater nitrous bulbing music then that one CD, ever, period), watching the trees sway back and forth, and feeling time and slow down to planck time.

I remember days of making love on nitrous (difficult but achievable), the desire to kiss and just fuck like mad. Then again that;s why i still bother to do the odd nitrous now days 

These days every and now then I play with it, just a few boxes here and there. I am somewhat over the immediate hangover, the feeling that I just dropped a few million cells. The grogginess that you cannot shake etc

I never got any numbness or anything worse then passing out however i guess i was just lucky. 

oh lastly Nitrous is my curer for any hangover (alcoholic)

Thanks MerryPrankster for sharing your story (my apologies for the hijack).

PS. All of this reminds of me of one my friends who used to steal tanks of nitrous from public hospitals. Where they would tape up the room vents and open the tank up. Other times they would connect the masks up and just spend hours inhaling nitrous. 

They were always in for the high so I never bothered them with questions of the universe but oh man it nearly encouraged me to do it. Lucky for me (as i'm a terrible thief) I stopped doing drugs (for awhile).


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

chugs said:


> Hi MerryPrankster
> 
> shit i'm going have to do some nitrous to find out why nitrous addicts are douglas adams addicts. a universal truth in seekers of universal truths.
> 
> indeed one of my nitrous thoughts (remember only because it was thought of when i was coming down) was perhaps the reason for forgetting the answer was because I didn't know the question!
> 
> your story reminds me of my old days (of many addictions) of using nitrous. Nitrous gives you a saltatory effect albeit with instant memory loss.
> 
> Apart from some personal issues i have always wondered this about Nitrous:
> 
> Was the drug itself reasonable for titillating a certain part of my brain or was it allowing my brain to break barriers and accessing previously inaccessible information? Perhaps I don't make any sense on this. It has been years since I have chased (seriously) the nitrous cloud of deja vu and truth. But I could never separate a feeling of whether there was any fact in the reality that nitrous was a drug that truly allowed for the transceding of our reality to that of where access to everything and anything was granted albeit for a sweet few minutes at best.
> 
> I remember riding that never ending feeling of deja vu, of knowing the truth about some personal issues, of escaping the terrible layers of loss, riding a though into a totality of truth . Like that song you have with your first love (that always takes you back) nitrous allowed me to go back to (ironically) that first love.
> 
> I constantly tried to push the dose, if only I could inhale for longer, and longer. I would get deeper into it. I too felt a mad man pushing not for some psychonaut desire to find the truth of the universe (that was just a secondary aim) but really a selfish one to escape back into those feelings of old.
> 
> I would hyperventilate and hold my breath whilst inhaling 3 bulbs. Taking one breath I would load another 3 or 4 until I would find myself going through at least 100 up to 200 bulbs.  (sometimes more). I no longer remember how frequently this ritual was but it seemed very regular, daily perhaps, perhaps not all the time I do remember acid, MDMA and speed punctuating that existences. Some days after binging I would find myself waking up in the morning from lying on my desk all night, wondering what had happened.
> 
> Nitrous gave me hope of reliving a moment of my life that mere words cannot describe and I hate it for letting me get travel to that feeling, that moment, that truth, letting me enter only to find out that after I leave I had to surrender all that I learnt, felt, loved, desired, wanted at the fucking door of comedown.
> 
> In frustration I tried to type, write my experience, i thought i was only to discover that in my delusions I was typing but found the reality to be empty of anything meaningful. The bitch nitrous made it clear I would know it held the key to the door but that truth was never going out the doorway.
> 
> Perhaps i was addicted to nitrous. after my intense 12 months of experimentation of pushing the bubble I got bored and sick of it. Add several days of speed binge, lots of bugs, and subsequence psychoses (i'm terrible sensitive to pretty much all drugs) I gave up much of everything (well to the extent that those old days dictated).
> 
> Its funny. In some ways I miss my even older days of innocecent nitrous use. I remember going through an entire case of nitrous (we purchased three entire supermarkets worth of nitrous stock on the pretence it was for a family business - hell we were fifteen and had $3 grand to spend) of my more useful nitrous use. Lying in the bush, listening to Mad Professors "No Protection" (there is no greater nitrous bulbing music then that one CD, ever, period), watching the trees sway back and forth, and feeling time and slow down to planck time.
> 
> I remember days of making love on nitrous (difficult but achievable), the desire to kiss and just fuck like mad. Then again that;s why i still bother to do the odd nitrous now days
> 
> These days every and now then I play with it, just a few boxes here and there. I am somewhat over the immediate hangover, the feeling that I just dropped a few million cells. The grogginess that you cannot shake etc
> 
> I never got any numbness or anything worse then passing out however i guess i was just lucky.
> 
> oh lastly Nitrous is my curer for any hangover (alcoholic)
> 
> Thanks MerryPrankster for sharing your story (my apologies for the hijack).
> 
> PS. All of this reminds of me of one my friends who used to steal tanks of nitrous from public hospitals. Where they would tape up the room vents and open the tank up. Other times they would connect the masks up and just spend hours inhaling nitrous.
> 
> They were always in for the high so I never bothered them with questions of the universe but oh man it nearly encouraged me to do it. Lucky for me (as i'm a terrible thief) I stopped doing drugs (for awhile).




Oh - how beautifully put.  

Thank you!

I will try to respond properly as soon as I have a little free time to let loose my thoughts.

)

tmp


----------



## hoopyfrood

chugs said:


> Hi MerryPrankster
> 
> shit i'm going have to do some nitrous to find out why nitrous addicts are douglas adams addicts. a universal truth in seekers of universal truths.



I better not try nitrous, then.  

... though, someday, when I'm more experienced with acid, I'll try them both.


----------



## negrogesic

I had a ongoing nitrous habit for a while, and it was a time when i was in withdrawal from benzos....

Wonder if I damaged my brain...

Did some recently (its been years), and the same images came back. I had forced my self to remember some code in the middle of some nitrous binge in those years past. This same come came back, the number eight and some other things. I heard "now you remember". I had some more I would have probably remember the whole thing, but id rather not...

Nitrous is good in easing one to sleep though, one or two hits, then lie back....


----------



## rolls_

Imagine how much crazier it would have been if you added ketamine to the mix!


----------



## Divine Moments

Incredible read! :D

I'm sorry to hear how it all ended up, but it sounds like one hell of a ride. Thanks for posting. I think it's great for nitrous users to read - hopefully it would be enough to stop them potentially going over the edge. Sure is for me. 

I'm interested to know: given all that you've been through, would you rather have lived your life as you have with the ultimate highs and unbearable lows, or have never tried nitrous at all and lived a more "normal" life?

Good luck with everything 


Edit: I only just realised how long this thread is. I haven't read it all so sorry if this has already been answered...


----------



## hoopyfrood

^ I don't think it has


----------



## JBrandon

Thank you for a fantastic write up. 

I wish you the best with the rest of your life - I hope you find relief.


----------



## lazylazyjoe

My experiences with nitrious
I always used the whipped cream dispensers, instead of balloons.  They're much easier to re-load in between huffs, and I tend to let go of the next balloon while inhaling.  I always kept the cracker on hand for guests, though.  
Me and my wife's ritual was to get a case of nitrious (12 boxes of 24 chargers) It was around 100 w/ free shipping, so good deal.   Then we'd each do about 2 or 3 E pills.  
We would each usually do about 3 or 4 chargers in a row (until we each got our own dispenser) with no breaths in between, just nitrious.  Then we would give each other blood chokes, or "head rushes" as we called them.  Where you press on the arteries on your neck and restrict the flow of blood to your brain.  In the background, was usually some trippy music with winamp visualizations.  And this would go on all night.  Usually, we would have to redose on the E after about 6 ours though.  
The combination of the E, nitrous, and "head rushes" was just great.   Best combo of anything I've ever done (2nd place is dope + K).  I love "head rushes"  I must say if you've never done them, you're missing out.  It's a free high that potentiates any drug.  
I did find that after about 4 or 5 chargers I had to take a break cause my head would start to ache.  Not my wife though.  She could sit there for hours and never stop.  One time when the case arrived, she sat there all day doing them.  I asked her on my way home how much was left, and she said "some".  So , I get home and there's 2 boxes left.  She sat there and did 240 chargers all by herself that afternoon.  
I got so spoiled that the first time I did heroin, I was expecting a feeling as good as that, and was SO let down.  Not that I let that stop me from getting hooked, but that's a different story.


----------



## rolls_

head rushes and holding your breath for 4 chargers is borderline retarded, you'll give yourself brain damage, or die.


----------



## lazylazyjoe

^Well aware.  I definately brained my damage over the years.  However, at the time, I really didn't expect to live past 27.  Now that I have, I don't expect to live past 35.  Guess I'll see.  I've been doing headrushes non-stop for about 10 years, and I usually spend at least an hour a day on them.  I get bad with them too, to the point of seizures sometimes.  I usually stop when that happens though.

**After 3 chargers, I usually took a breath or two.  But, I when I inhale the nitrious, I breathe a little air in with it too.  Otherwise, I would just passout.  i haven't done nitrious in a while though.  
Also I didn't post so people would repeat my experience.


----------



## JBrandon

lazylazyjoe said:


> ...  brained my damage over the years.



Just giving you a hard time - I thought that particular typo was kinda funny


----------



## hoopyfrood

he did it on purpose


----------



## lazylazyjoe

^Yep.  Actually I was referencing a scene from Simpsons, when Homer eats the insanity peppers.  I like to sprinkle in a little cartoon culture whenever I can.


----------



## hoopyfrood

didn't he say something along the lines of "brain damagamagamagamage" or am I thinking of a different episode?


----------



## lazylazyjoe

^Yes, different episode. That was where SprawlMart put in a brain implant and he took it out.
I must have some brain left if I still remember all these useless simpsons quotes.


----------



## hoopyfrood

ahhh yes... gotta love the simpsons.  I stopped watching it though after like 2008 or so.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

After three and a half years - and having written the original post that started this thread - and had all sorts of people interested in the nature of the experience I call GasCid- yesterday I stumbled across some genuine Nitrous.  For 3.5 years there has only been some sub standard No2 in whippets that mostly made me feel sick and left me frustrated.  I was wondering if Gascid was something that I would only ever reminisce about.  

I am happy to say that this is not the case - and I think it's time for me to dig up all my old technology and hypnosis gear and lighting systems.

I have found my rocket fuel again...

I need to build myself another Space/Time Ship.

I'm going home.

Should I keep a diary?

Or would anybody like to come long for the journey...?



the
            very
                                     merry
                                                                     prankster....


----------



## hoopyfrood

Careful there tmp... don't overdo it.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hoopyfrood said:


> Careful there tmp... don't overdo it.



LOL - thanks for the concern - but this is one that I can truly say - "Been there - done that!".  And never again.  It's just nice to know that it exists again.  One of the things about the whole Nitrous realm is that you simply *can't* remember it all - and after years it fades even further.  What I really enjoyed - while testing just a moderate amount to see if it was the real deal - was just how much it just all comes flooding back - like continuing a dream that you've been having every night - only in the waking world, you barely even remember that you've been dreaming.

I have felt for a long time, that memory is more than engrams - but it more of a chemical reaction.  In order to remember something, you don't so much 'retrieve' it from a long term memory storage room - but more like you subconsciously create a minor chemical reaction in your brain - and that reaction causes the memory to recur - in some cases in perfect detail.

I don't know how on the mark this theory of mine is - but it seems logical - and more so when applying the thought to the Nitrous Experience - a situation in which you actually *are* creating a chemical reaction of a predictable nature in your brain - and are then subsequently remembering a very specific set of memories.

The good news for me - at the purely subjective level is that it is very reassuring to know that I actually still *do* remember all this stuff - years and years of complex thought - all there and perfectly intact (but curiously, remembering everything from a different 'direction' for want of a better word. It was kid of like remembering stuff through someone else's thoughts.

But I do intend to pull my brain out of mothballs, and will absolutely be doing some touring of the universe again- but I'll probably wait till summer  I guess kudos to me - as I realized that I had actually accepted that I may never again experience this thing that was once the most important thing in the universe to me - and have found to my delight that this is not the case.  Now I have to track down some good acid - which is probably going to prove even harder as it appears that no-one is making it anymore.  Jeez - where'd all the hippies go?

)

tmp


----------



## rolls_

TheMerryPrankster said:


> The good news for me - at the purely subjective level is that it is very reassuring to know that I actually still *do* remember all this stuff - years and years of complex thought - all there and perfectly intact (but curiously, remembering everything from a different 'direction' for want of a better word. It was kid of like remembering stuff through someone else's thoughts.



You remember the delusions that made you give yourself brain damage and almost suffocate yourself on a regular basis? What the hell man, it is just crap, there is nothing there, you are just deluding yourself that there is.

Seriously, you'll end up even worse off.


----------



## b4rd

damn man, i am never doing nitrous again. good ol MJ for me.


----------



## hoopyfrood

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Jeez - where'd all the hippies go?
> 
> )
> 
> tmp



There's a grassy hill just for hippies in San Francisco, and on a sunny day... well, you get the idea.


----------



## Captain.Heroin

*Psychedelic Quicksand for the Mind*



TheMerryPrankster said:


> Or would anybody like to come long for the journey...?



I wouldn't mind coming along for the journey!  I just read your post today.  

I am really sorry about what happened to you.  I have taken a senior level pharmacology course a year or two ago, and I can assure you nothing like this (the brain damage from prolonged nitrous oxide abuse) was ever mentioned to me.  

Your post about your experiences is most certainly an asset, it most certainly will help others in the long run.  

I have only had a few nitrous oxide experiences.  I even have a jar of whip-its, I just don't have any use for them.  I don't like nitrous oxide on its own, and most of the time even if I was on other psychedelics I don't have a cracker (I borrowed a friend's until they lost it).  

What I can tell is you are a very strong person to have come this far.  The thing that gets to me the most is you just wanted to share what you had discovered in life with anyone willing to listen, and it seemed no one believed you.  Even if they didn't want to take it to the same level as you did, it didn't seem anyone, a therapist/psychiatrist, your wife, your friends, anyone actually believed you.  I certainly do.

In your original post you describe your rebirth on LSD.  I know what it is like to not know what universe you're in, or what your name is.  I know what it's like to be unable to communicate with the outside world, as much as you are *dying* to share what's going on in your head.  A while ago (maybe... 2-3 years ago) I ingested 5 grams of all caps of mushrooms.  For the record so the rest of this paragraph makes sense, I had my best friend over, and we had another friend come over near the peak.  It was the most intense mushroom experience I ever had, I was not ready nor prepared for what was going to happen.  Throughout the 12 hour long experience I had no idea what the peak had in store for me.  The peak lasted about 4 hours.  When I started peaking, I began having problems talking to other people.  Then it was *impossible*.  I was on my computer, and my friend noticed I started typing gibberish into notepad (I thought I was writing down very important information to be analyzed later).  This is what some of it looked like.



> i am the the though it and are when why and it



Basically a lot of short words without any meaning (for a sober person )

Shortly after, I stopped typing...I had this "feeling" that trying to 'record' or store any data from the experience would be a waste of my time.  I also vividly remember my friend who was looking at me straight in the face said "dude you are OK - you just ate mushrooms, you'll be OK" and none of that made *any* sense to me.  I don't remember having eaten mushrooms, nor did I remember what the experience of mushrooms was like (a regular 3.5g trip is nothing like the top level of mushrooms)...nor did I even know exactly who was telling me this!  At this point, the second friend (not my best friend) left.  She could tell we were both tripping hard.  By the way, later, I found out this girl was a sociopath so I am *glad* she left.  At the time she was just a friend.

My best friend only ate 1.75 g, and he was tripping hard like he ate a whole 3.5g.  We actually had experienced the same visuals - we saw faces (which we identically described) in the floorboards of my apartment.

I started crying...it was so frustrating not to be able to communicate this very dear experience I was having.  I was also a little afraid I'd never come out of it (the distinct feeling you'll never return to sober reality is apparent within every intense mushroom experience I have ever had).  

Then I had the feeling that I just had to wait it out, there was no other way.  Psychedelic quick sand for the mind, if you will.  Struggling/trying to do anything just made it worse.  

So what I managed to do was to stand up, and stagger over to my sofa, and laid down on it.  I didn't move for four hours.  The friend I had over at my apartment left to go get a 12 pack of beer (for himself mostly, I didn't like and still despise alcohol).  During this peak, I knew who I was in "some sense" (definitely not my name at all), and I had a vague sense of other people in terms of an archetype.  

I imagined myself and other people as interconnected stars in a universe.  We all had "male" or "female" archetypes, and my two friends I had over were alpha male and females of a society/generation.  This is all I could tell of it though.  When I thought of myself, I wasn't connected to anyone, whereas all the other 'stars' I saw had at least one line connecting them to another star.  The immense loneliness I experienced was painful but beautiful too.  This I can tell now, meant I needed a partner (I am now deeply in love and engaged, my fiancee and I love each other very much).  

The way my two friends acted (before each of them left) - I remembered, and this made me think of the structure of words, and their body language.  I could tell a lot about their communications without knowing exactly what these "words" they were saying actually meant.  

Throughout the peak, I had a lot of thoughts that have helped form me for who I am today.  I know a lot more about myself.  There were many visuals, even some tactile and audial hallucinations.  

Then, suddenly, as if it had all passed by within a second, I looked down at my watch.  It was four hours later.  My friend came back!  (I don't know when, I just looked up and there he was).  I didn't even know he had left!!!  He left my front door unlocked (I lived in a very sketchy building, I am glad no one came in!  lol), anyways, he had bought some tobacco products and had the 12 pack of beer.  It was like magic, and he had pulled these items out of his own asshole.  I thought, are these real?  I was still so tripped out I didn't fully remember my name, or what I was doing laying on my sofa or anything.  He handed me a beer and I sipped.  GROSS.  Yeah it wasn't just *any* beer, it was Natural Ice.  The gross ass taste of cheap beer all of the sudden helped me *immensely* in terms of coming back to reality.  

I was still very skeptical I was "back".  However I was able to say some words, and I began to touch on the surface of how intense of a psychedelic journey I just went on to my friend.  I was still blown away by all of it.

I informed my friend I was going to go have a shower.  When I got in the shower, I noticed there were three knobs.  I forgot which one turned on the shower head, and which two were for hot and cold.  So I got a face full of cold water before I remembered.   Looking back on this makes me smile now.  

Anyways by the time I got out of the shower, I felt a lot more intact mentally speaking.  I was still tripping rather hard but was able to move about AND talk, so I decided I should just spend the rest of the trip bringing me back down to reality.  

I don't remember much else about this experience, except for hanging out with my friend and his girlfriend some more.  

I haven't written up this TR in Trip Reports yet, mostly because it was too long ago, and I don't think it would add much to the forum.  

In the context of your report though, I know what it's like to get to a place where you have no idea where or what or whom you are, and it is not the most pleasant experience.  

I have done a lot of thinking about "ego death", psychedelic rebirth, out of body and near death experiences.  Despite all of this, it wasn't the most intense psychedelic experience I have had in my whole life.  Just the 2nd.  

I count "most intense exp" mostly on how much visuals were there, and how much of reality was left behind (visually speaking).  During an intense peak, mushrooms have a way of making you paranoid or scared that you either don't exist/never did, or that you'll never leave the experience/return to sobriety.  I have also had *much worse* thoughts on future mushroom experiences that I won't begin to go into, as they would only probably terrify other people.  

However the absolute most psychedelic experience I had was IV MDA.  It was a lot like an abrupt peak of this previous mushroom experience I just went over, except there was no delirium, no forgetting who I was.  It was absolutely beautiful.  As soon as I injected, I felt a sharp come up, a lot like IVing ketamine, cocaine, heroin, etc.  The visual load began so quickly, that I don't see how my fiancee was able to help me with my shot after she did hers.  I immediately began having my blood pressure and heart rate race so quickly I was afraid I would have a heart attack.  

I also vomited as quickly as the visuals came on.  As soon as I was done vomiting, the peak of the experience began.  I saw the most interesting visuals in the vomit which quickly accelerated.  I could tell I was coming up *very* quickly, each second that passed by became much more intense than the last.  

I saw only visuals, everything in reality slowly disappeared.  Nothing was left.  

Then, a tunnel.  I was being pulled inside the vortex, the visuals started moving quicker and then I found myself on the other side.  

I met God, he showed me heaven and hell.  I saw the infinite karma, and that everyone had an afterlife, whether it was better or worse than their previous life.  I was very, very skeptical of there ever being a god.  I'm not typically the "religious" type, so I am very "convinced", if you will, that at least for my life, god does exist.  I don't tell many people "there is a god" though, it's for them to find out for their own lives.  Me telling them what exists for their own life is not productive in producing their own beliefs.  

This experience didn't last longer than 20-30 minutes.  The peak was so beautiful I will never forget it.  I was so happy, I could talk to my fiancee though I *certainly* could not see her, and I knew I was going to be OK the whole time.  

What's weird is my fiancee essentially had the same experience as I did, except I think it hit me *a lot* harder as I am sensitive not only to psychedelics but uppers as well.  

I shared with you my experiences because I thought they may help you understand your LSD experience (the one where you didn't know who you were) a little more.  

I could go on and on all day about other mushroom or LSD experiences I have had, and the terrifying things I have thought while on them, but what I have shared with you I will sum up.  

IV MDA taught me one thing (other than there is a god and he will sort out all of this at the end) - love is the most important thing in life.  IV MDA infused my life with love that wasn't there before.  I now have a deep, profound love for myself, for the world, for life that I previously lacked, that most people will never have in life.  I feel in debt to god himself for showing me the way in life.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

b4rd said:


> damn man, i am never doing nitrous again. good ol MJ for me.



Yeah - good old MJ - perfect environment in which to add Nitrous...

lol

Just kidding around.  MJ rules for sure.  I'm just glad that I once again have the option to 'travel' again.


tmp


----------



## hoopyfrood

That was quite a report captain heroin. I enjoyed reading that 


... your other experiences do interest me, too.  I'd be keen to hear some.


----------



## rolls_

Captain.Heroin said:


> I feel in debt to god himself for showing me the way in life.



You mean the drugs? Haha just stirring.

Pretty wild report dude!


----------



## Captain.Heroin

hoopyfrood said:


> That was quite a report captain heroin. I enjoyed reading that



Thanks!  TMP's original TR made me really inspired to write some of mine down, especially in this thread as the correlated to his experience's.  

I really do want to write a TR for my 100mg IV MDA trip, so I will have to get around to writing it down, at least a little bit more in depth.


----------



## strangedays_indeed

you are a good writer. so are you captain heroin. ive made it a goal of mine to thoroughly document those experiences that I had that were this intense. reading these two posts made me feel alot like humans are very similar in the way of having their ego stripped from them and aloway trying to understand it.


----------



## DexterMeth

i didn't know I was in my 50's by now and never stopped doing gastrid...thx
God I'm lucky to have had the internet.

That's easier the best TR I ever read, 2nd being the great DMT TR.  Nitrious is all about "synchronicity"...it's the ultimate "stuck in the loop"...and then the loop talks, and then your brain signals clicks to the talk, and a train rides by dispersing the seagulls from the watery clicks.   

Gascid...............


----------



## Captain.Heroin

strangedays_indeed said:


> you are a good writer. so are you captain heroin. ive made it a goal of mine to thoroughly document those experiences that I had that were this intense. reading these two posts made me feel alot like humans are very similar in the way of having their ego stripped from them and aloway trying to understand it.



Thank you!  I also think TMP is a great writer.  I'd be interested to read about your trip reports if you ever post one/some!  

Good luck in your writing endeavor!


----------



## Xorkoth

Captain Heroin, you should start submitting trip reports.  You could practically cut and paste the mushroom one.  I enjoyed reading those.   I'd particularly like to hear as much detail as possible about the IV MDA trip.


----------



## DexterMeth

Ya man (CH), you're a good writer.  Do that shit...now!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hey Captain Heroin - Life abducted me before I could respond to your great posts and the PM's.  I will respond, as I said I would, and will bring some of the material from the PM's into the open.  I am still somewhat overloaded - but will do my very best.  As I recall I need to confirm your sanity- and want to do so before the clarity of the connections that I made to what you wrote fades.

Back soon...

TMP


----------



## growit&smokeit

I'm slightly intrigued by you saying you haven't been able to get real n2o in the last few years. Do you mean that whippets have not been containing n2o? In my experience there is some inconsistancy between brands. I find ISI whippets for example to have a dirty taste and not quite as effective as other brands.


----------



## candielle

TheMerryPrankster - I think you're great! I found this post just last night, slogged through all the comments and I'm still back for more this morning hehe ! I just had to sign up and become a member of BlueLight :D  I feel like there’s so much I want to share with you, and that I owe it to you to put some time into this response, and hopefully future ones too.  But I just wanted to say here and now that I empathise with you completely. You describe things with such clarity.

I found gascid myself in July 2007 at Glade Festival (in the UK). It just so happened that it was my first time on acid as well. I loved it.  I was 20. It saddens me that you felt so lonely on your gascid trips. I was fortunate enough to share my experiences with my boyfriend, completely. We had *identical* trips over and over again that July night. Absolutely gobsmacking  Every. Single. Time. We did that first balloon in perfect synchronicity (we always wait for each other), and when we both came to our responses were identical and absolutely hilarious. It was like.. “did you..? what the.. fuckin... whaaa??whztha?? huh wowww fUCKKK!!!”  It’s was so weird and funny watching him go through the trip, cos at one point I just wanted to observe him, to see what it looked like. And fuck, the trip is so physical, like his body language, and the clear, cut and dry emotional stages that he was passing through, I could tell exactly where he was at  – you know what I mean! Different facial expressions.. And the trip alway ALWAYS ends with ‘damn!’ and punching the air upwards and sideways from right to left with a balled up fist. And it feels like..like.. someone just like your very caring older brother or sister, is mocking you, teasing you, in a very loving, all encompassing kind of way. Saying, “so you’ve finally got it, jesus, it took you long enough didn’t it, can’t believe it took you so long!? Ha!” 

Like.. you’re all laughing and messing around and then you go to sit down and your mate’s pulled the chair out from under you and you fall backwards onto the floor n go, “you fuckerrr!!!” (But laugh along wi everyone else, of course).

The gascid trip *is* a whistle stop tour of the universe and everything that’s in it. It’s like a parade, a carnival, all for you. Whooshing through a tunnel towards the bright light (classic, huh). Every single thought, feeling, emotion that’s out there, you feel it, you experience it. I know exactly what you mean, TMP, when you say it’s better than love. I find it really hard to buy into the good god love perfection ideal. The world is full of opposites; it’s hard to imagine one existing without the other. But from my gascid trips I took away with me an overwhelming feeling of compassionate humour. Like.. I dunno.. it almost felt like a letdown in a way. ‘Life’s a Joke’. That’s what I took from it. Do not take yourself too seriously. *Nothing* you do is the be all and end all. We all live forever anyway and we are essentially part and parcel of everyone and everything else. When I say it was a letdown, I say that because I think the experience can have the potential to devalue everything you’ve been striving for in life up until that moment. It’s very humbling to say the least. I suppose it made me realise what is important in life and what is a load of *bollocks*. But then, it almost made me feel, well why bother with anything? Those thoughts confuse me. I think I need to revisit the gascid world again to clarify! –you know I haven’t done gascid since then. Crazy. It’s about time don’t you think?

Please put me on your mailing list, TMP. If you ever want or need some guinea pigs for your ‘experiments’, me n Dan would be well up for it :D We’ve done a lot of experimenting with DMT – how bout you? And as for heroic doses of acid, been there also. I’ve been pretty reckless over the past couple of years, like you I suppose, and damaged myself somewhat (not on noz!). Hmm.. I experienced such terrifying, hellish psychosis last summer, absolutely rock bottom fear. So stupid of me doing 2cbs just a month after quite a serious nervous breakdown :-/ But I’m pretty sure it’s nothing that can’t be repaired. Like you said, I think the only way to fully get over psychological damage caused by ODing /  being reckless on psychedelics is to take the bull by the horns, face the fear head on, and revisit it, when you’re ready. Maybe this summer...

Take it easy, and I’m so sorry to hear of your suffering. I wish you all the best in your search for relief.

Christina


----------



## Delta-9-THC

^DMT and nitrous is an interesting combo as well although I haven't done it as many times as Gascid.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

DexterMeth said:


> i didn't know I was in my 50's by now and never stopped doing gastrid...thx
> God I'm lucky to have had the internet.
> 
> That's easier the best TR I ever read, 2nd being the great DMT TR.  Nitrious is all about "synchronicity"...it's the ultimate "stuck in the loop"...and then the loop talks, and then your brain signals clicks to the talk, and a train rides by dispersing the seagulls from the watery clicks.
> 
> Gascid...............



Yeah!!

Right On!!

Nicely put!!!

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Captain.Heroin said:


> Thanks!  TMP's original TR made me really inspired to write some of mine down, especially in this thread as the correlated to his experience's.
> 
> I really do want to write a TR for my 100mg IV MDA trip, so I will have to get around to writing it down, at least a little bit more in depth.



Hey Captain H - I hope you don'tmind - I'm bringing my response to your last PM out into the open, sp others can share.

Looks like the same peoplethat liked my original Gascid Post are into your writing style, too.  That's great - keep 'em coming.  I'm going to start a neat and dandy DMT thread soon.  DMT is worthy of it's own thread. Here's my reply...



			
				Captain.Heroin said:
			
		

> Anyways I am rambling, but yeah I am 100% sure there was no mix up.  DMT goes for way more than the MDA did ($20 for 200mg) and also it felt like a MD molecule when I too it orally.  IV was a whole other world for real!  Crazy shit man.



Hey - Of course I believe you and trust your certainty - it's just that I have never ever heard anything like this before - and it sounds like something I would want to try - but perhaps with someone else around -= just so I don't do something too reckless.

If you ever did DMT, you would never have any doubts about what you were doing if you did it again.  For one - you have to smoke it (You can IV it too, but it needs to be the Hydrochloride salt, and not the Free Base).  I'd actually like to try IVing it (or IM would probably work too) because when you smoke it, it tastes and smells like burning plastic.  It's fucking *horrible* - and it's the thing that makes me pull back from the pipe, cause it feels like the shit it burning my lungs (It is, however, completely harmless [... well, asd far as breathing in *any* smoke goes]).

When you smoke a full hit pf DMT, by the time your lungs are full of smoke, you can hear a roar approaching you.  About 20 - 30 seconds after you take the hit, you hear a sound that's something like the sound of the Universe being torn in two, and then you are gone.

For the next 5 minutes, what you experience has got pretty much *nothing* in common with the Universe that you normally live in.  It's barely possible to describe the DMT experience as there is pretty much nothing in *this* life to compare it against.  There's just no frame of reference.  You go to 'another universe' that has a completely different set of rules - in every way - to this one.  Your Ego is annihilated - you completely and instantly lose all sense of 'self - both mentally and physically.  You cannot control or fight it - and trying to will just make the experience more uncomfortable.

I would say that my first *full* DMT experience - the first time I really 'crossed over' was up to that point the most terrifying experience of my life - and when I returned, when the jumble of perceptions started to appear in some ways familiar - when I became aware again of my corporeal existence - remembered that I was a sentient animal life-form - that I had a body.. when I remembered that I was alive and finally, when I remembered that I had taken a drug - I remember thinking that I would never again be afraid of... well... anything!!! - as I had just experienced and survived something more terrifying than anything my normal waking mind could ever conjure up.

When trying to describe the nature of DMT to someone who has no frame of reference, I tend to resort to comparing it to "death" (except that that I have never been consciously aware of being dead before - outside if psychedelically induced near death experiences.).  I guess it's more like saying to the person who is considering doing DMT, that you should prepare yourself for the reality that the absoluteness of the DMT experience could be compared to preparing yourself for the absoluteness of dying -  but with the fortunate side effect of knowing that you would in fact, come back to life again) .   

([ Only on Bluelight could I write in a sentence like  "I have never been consciously aware of being dead before " - and be completely serious...)]

SO _why_ would anyone want to do thins thing again??? 

Well - as Shamen we know why by default - but knowledge and experience are not the only reasons.  I have found that approximately one out of three DMT experiences to be as Ecstatic and wonderful as their horrific counterparts.  

I can't bring myself to quantify DMT experiences as being 'good' or 'bad'.  I find it seldom to be a 'comfortable' experience - I find it quite often to be a 'painful' experience - even the most wondrous DMT insights can be exquisitely uncomfortable.

I would enjoy to share some of the actual experiences. I know I have written up a few of them (but they are still in the original draft format). As I came to know DMT - having repeated it a total of about 50 times - some of these at very low doses, and only about 15 of them being full blown - I came to know the realm - and I find that it is easier to describe my experiences if I start at the beginning, and then use my previous writings as reference points for the newer ones.

I must - in fact - do this - so I will stop writing DMT thoughts in here,as this is really a new topic - deserving of a thread of its own.  Captain H -  I hope that you don't mind me bringing my response to your PM out into the open forum.  I'd rather share the thoughts that try to repeat them in public.  I will bring a few more of them, when I  respond.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

growit&smokeit said:


> I'm slightly intrigued by you saying you haven't been able to get real n2o in the last few years. Do you mean that whippets have not been containing n2o? In my experience there is some inconsistancy between brands. I find ISI whippets for example to have a dirty taste and not quite as effective as other brands.



I think it's more of a global big business thing.  I used ISI for many, many years and they were always good.  There were a few times when I noticed quite a difference, but at the time put some of it down to me - figured maybe it was just where my headspace and physiology were at.  But about 3 years ago - the ISI ones took a turn for the worse - and they nevercame back up.

This is my theory:

High grade (Medical grade) Nitrous is a lot more expensive than Food Grade Nitrous.  That is to say that, the low grade nitrous (don't know what it is exactly - but it's just *not* pure) is fine to use in whippits, and those bnuying the stuff to actually make whipped cream will not really notice a difference - especially if they add a teaspoon of sugar to the cream.

However, - we who inhale it get burned - big time.  it's almost not worth doing.  And it is without question only about one _tenth_ as profound - and doing larger amounts does not help.  My first thought was that they maybe started adding some pure oxygen to the Nitrous - perhaps in response to injuries like my own.  Since then, I have found advertisements for pure Nitrous.  And I want to test ths out desperately.  I weas wrong about the new brand - whle slightly better than the other - it's not the real deal.

But I did find a company in califoria - claiming to sell the real McCoy - it'sobvious from their promo that they know what it s being used for - and promise it to be pure, medical grade Nitrous.  I miss Gascid *sooo* much - and I desperately want to do it again [  _and for all you well-wishers out there - I promise that I have learned my lesson, and you really don't need to worry about me falling victim again to the very thing that my original post was written as a warning.  But thanks for the concern._.

I stll have much of the original stuff that I used to construct my space/time-ship - and now I have a lot more in the way of programmable technology.  In short, I can not only reproduce what  was doing back then - but this version of my 'ship' will be exponentially better than the one I build 15 years ago.

I need to find a way to get myself some of these 'pure'whippits, and to rebuild - or build from scratch - my new vehicle - using the knowledge and wisdom that I have acquired along the way.  I am pretty certain at this stage of the game that I can custom design a Gascid experience that can be reasonably reliably reproduced - allowing more than one person to enjoy this experience, and have the subjective response to the technology make what I think of as a 'stable wormhole' - something that I can design and reproduce, allowing others to undergo the same experience (or as close as can be) as my own.  If this worked the way I believe that it will, it could open up a medium of communication about gascid that might otherwise be too random to isolate the commonalities of the experiences.  I don't know if I was coherent in what I just said.

The general concept would be that I could invite someone to my home, and they would allow me to be their guide on a kind of pilgrimage to a psychedelic realm that is in part of my own design - and experience that which could subsequently be discussed and compared in ways that are considerably more tangible and definitive than the purely chemically induced journey.

If I succeed in this 30 year old mission - I would hope that there may be a pilgrim or two out there interested in experiencing my personal favourite flavour of insanity...

I really *must* find some pure Nitrous - all this talk is getting me way too excited...

)

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

candielle said:


> I was fortunate enough to share my experiences with my boyfriend, completely. We had *identical* trips over and over again that July night. Absolutely gobsmacking  Every. Single. Time. We did that first balloon in perfect synchronicity (we always wait for each other), and when we both came to our responses were identical and absolutely hilarious. It was like.. “did you..? what the.. fuckin... whaaa??whztha?? huh wowww fUCKKK!!!”
> 
> ... And it feels like..like.. someone just like your very caring older brother or sister, is mocking you, teasing you, in a very loving, all encompassing kind of way. Saying, “so you’ve finally got it, jesus, it took you long enough didn’t it, can’t believe it took you so long!? Ha!”
> 
> The gascid trip *is* a whistle stop tour of the universe and everything that’s in it. It’s like a parade, a carnival, all for you. Whooshing through a tunnel towards the bright light (classic, huh). Every single thought, feeling, emotion that’s out there, you feel it, you experience it. I know exactly what you mean, TMP, when you say it’s better than love.....
> 
> Christina



Oh Brilliant!  Excellent!  Far Out!  Right on!!!  YYAAAAYYYY!!!

Thanks you so much for sharing thaqt with me - and totally brilliantly put -it's just amazing - and comforting - and rewarding - and all those other words that end with "ing" that just make me feel that it was all worth it - even the screw up - even the pain - even - no _especially_ the Loneliness.  

All those things that I _didn't_ have 10, 20, 30 years ago - all those things that I believed in - despite the cost - the lost friendships - the people thinking I was just mad, crazy, fucked up, out to lunch - it is just so wonderful to know that I'm not - and I wasn't - that the things that I believe(d) in - the things that I have sacrificed - well, I sacrificed one _marriage_ over it ( I was given a choice - my beliefs or my wife [and why would I want a wide who made me choose between my spirituality and her...]).

Thank You!  

It really didn't take very many words for me to know that you *completely get it - *all* of it.  And knowing that it is got (there have been a ghood number in here - yours was just put so succinctly and personally) - well... Not much else to say. Thanks you so much for writing that (and for taking the time to read through it and the wonderful responses that it has generated over the last months).

It's funny really - the very *first* response was the *only* negative one that was ever made.  I wasn;t sure if even *one* person was going to make it all the way through - and I esxpected 9 out of 10 of them to be like that first one.

And what I also love is that this thread keeps sparking back to life.  It has sat dormant for periods of time, and then just _one_ person comes in with some enthusiasm, and everyone jumps back on board.  it's just great.

I think the thing that I particularly liked about what you wrote was the *_happiness_* of teh Gascid experience.  It's the one angle that can get lost in the words - and even the serious nature.  It's like we'relooking at the actual genuine answers to life, the universe and everything - it's *_not_* trivial.

But is _is_ simple.  I guess that's the nature of truth.  And it's so *positive* - happy - no sharp edges.  It's _good_.  My screw up was my own.  It was greed.  I forgive myself - because I *was* doing it all without a manual - I _was a pioneer_...  I guess the pert that was the problem that led to my over-use and my desperate desire to find 'proof' was because keeping something like this to myself was *sooooooo* hard.  I wanted to share this *so* badly - and it all came from a wonderfully selfless place.  And I was so misunderstood by some.  My enthusiasm was taken as a sign of almost _psychosis_.  it was too good to be true and I was trying to *tell* people how good it was so that they would try it out - and instead they decided to condemn it (without even trying it).  Some even thought that I was trying to 'control them'.  And no matter what I said they didn;t get it.  I *can't* 'control' you dammit.  it's not *about* me.

LOL

Enough already.

Thansk candielle - you and your partner would be welcome in my head any time.  I'll be reconstructing my space/time ship again this year.  Maybe t's a good time to come and visit the Pacific West Coast.  I live on a small island.  Perfect spot to explore the universe...

The VERY Merry Prankster!!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Delta-9-THC said:


> ^DMT and nitrous is an interesting combo as well although I haven't done it as many times as Gascid.



Yeah - I did Nitrous on the tail end of DMT a few times - and I *did* like it.  But I find DMT so huge as is, that it doesn't *really* need anything else.  the NO2 does soften the ending.  I found an interesting one is Ketamine on Acid.  It's somewhat reminiscent of Gascid - as the sedating effects of the dissociative are kept at bay by the acid - so you are able to function - even physically - on the K in ways that you normally couldn't.  I've only done it twice though - I need to explore it a bit more.

I think the doing all this stuff by myself has got a little lonely.  But I recently met a gang of young people that are way closer to my age (mentally) so hopefully that changes.

It's pretty funny that at 48 years old, I need to hang out with people that are half my age if I want to be able to be myself.  What an odd world we live in these days...

Not much chance I'll ever be in a long term relationship again...

TMP


----------



## Captain.Heroin

Xorkoth said:


> Captain Heroin, you should start submitting trip reports.  You could practically cut and paste the mushroom one.  I enjoyed reading those.   I'd particularly like to hear as much detail as possible about the IV MDA trip.



 I know, I have one thus far.  I could have written at least 4 more.  

I'll definitely do two that are mentioned here.  Thanks for the suggestion, I've been slightly standoff-ish about writing them but now I think I'll do it for sure.  



DexterMeth said:


> Ya man (CH), you're a good writer.  Do that shit...now!



lol!  Thanks for the compliment, I'll do it soon.


----------



## Captain.Heroin

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hey Captain H - I hope you don'tmind - I'm bringing my response to your last PM out into the open, sp others can share.


No problem! 



> Hey - Of course I believe you and trust your certainty - it's just that I have never ever heard anything like this before - and it sounds like something I would want to try - but perhaps with someone else around -= just so I don't do something too reckless.


I know what you mean.  I have heard of people IVing MDA but not members of Bluelight (actually, one of them, but they aren't on too much).  



> If you ever did DMT, you would never have any doubts about what you were doing if you did it again.  For one - you have to smoke it (You can IV it too, but it needs to be the Hydrochloride salt, and not the Free Base).  I'd actually like to try IVing it (or IM would probably work too) because when you smoke it, it tastes and smells like burning plastic.  It's fucking *horrible* - and it's the thing that makes me pull back from the pipe, cause it feels like the shit it burning my lungs (It is, however, completely harmless [... well, asd far as breathing in *any* smoke goes]).
> 
> When you smoke a full hit pf DMT, by the time your lungs are full of smoke, you can hear a roar approaching you.  About 20 - 30 seconds after you take the hit, you hear a sound that's something like the sound of the Universe being torn in two, and then you are gone.


Sounds a lot like my MDA exp!  Sounds fun!  Wish I had some.  



> For the next 5 minutes, what you experience has got pretty much *nothing* in common with the Universe that you normally live in.  It's barely possible to describe the DMT experience as there is pretty much nothing in *this* life to compare it against.  There's just no frame of reference.  You go to 'another universe' that has a completely different set of rules - in every way - to this one.  Your Ego is annihilated - you completely and instantly lose all sense of 'self - both mentally and physically.  You cannot control or fight it - and trying to will just make the experience more uncomfortable.
> 
> I would say that my first *full* DMT experience - the first time I really 'crossed over' was up to that point the most terrifying experience of my life - and when I returned, when the jumble of perceptions started to appear in some ways familiar - when I became aware again of my corporeal existence - remembered that I was a sentient animal life-form - that I had a body.. when I remembered that I was alive and finally, when I remembered that I had taken a drug - I remember thinking that I would never again be afraid of... well... anything!!! - as I had just experienced and survived something more terrifying than anything my normal waking mind could ever conjure up.
> 
> When trying to describe the nature of DMT to someone who has no frame of reference, I tend to resort to comparing it to "death" (except that that I have never been consciously aware of being dead before - outside if psychedelically induced near death experiences.).  I guess it's more like saying to the person who is considering doing DMT, that you should prepare yourself for the reality that the absoluteness of the DMT experience could be compared to preparing yourself for the absoluteness of dying -  but with the fortunate side effect of knowing that you would in fact, come back to life again) .
> 
> ([ Only on Bluelight could I write in a sentence like  "I have never been consciously aware of being dead before " - and be completely serious...)]
> 
> SO _why_ would anyone want to do thins thing again???
> 
> Well - as Shamen we know why by default - but knowledge and experience are not the only reasons.  I have found that approximately one out of three DMT experiences to be as Ecstatic and wonderful as their horrific counterparts.
> 
> I can't bring myself to quantify DMT experiences as being 'good' or 'bad'.  I find it seldom to be a 'comfortable' experience - I find it quite often to be a 'painful' experience - even the most wondrous DMT insights can be exquisitely uncomfortable.
> 
> I would enjoy to share some of the actual experiences. I know I have written up a few of them (but they are still in the original draft format). As I came to know DMT - having repeated it a total of about 50 times - some of these at very low doses, and only about 15 of them being full blown - I came to know the realm - and I find that it is easier to describe my experiences if I start at the beginning, and then use my previous writings as reference points for the newer ones.
> 
> I must - in fact - do this - so I will stop writing DMT thoughts in here,as this is really a new topic - deserving of a thread of its own.  Captain H -  I hope that you don't mind me bringing my response to your PM out into the open forum.  I'd rather share the thoughts that try to repeat them in public.  I will bring a few more of them, when I  respond.
> 
> TMP


No problem man!  It was good hearing from you.


----------



## Delta-9-THC

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Yeah - I did Nitrous on the tail end of DMT a few times - and I *did* like it.  But I find DMT so huge as is, that it doesn't *really* need anything else.  the NO2 does soften the ending.  I found an interesting one is Ketamine on Acid.  It's somewhat reminiscent of Gascid - as the sedating effects of the dissociative are kept at bay by the acid - so you are able to function - even physically - on the K in ways that you normally couldn't.  I've only done it twice though - I need to explore it a bit more.
> 
> I think the doing all this stuff by myself has got a little lonely.  But I recently met a gang of young people that are way closer to my age (mentally) so hopefully that changes.
> 
> It's pretty funny that at 48 years old, I need to hang out with people that are half my age if I want to be able to be myself.  What an odd world we live in these days...
> 
> Not much chance I'll ever be in a long term relationship again...
> 
> TMP



Yes, I completely agree with you that DMT doesn't need anything and think nitrous may actually _remove_ some of the special things about DMT. That's probably why I haven't been drawn to the combo since the first few times I tried it. It was definitely enjoyable but I also found it much more difficult to remember the trip.

I have yet to try ketamine on LSD but it is definitely on my list. I'm saving some K for the next time I dose. I also would like to try DMT and Ketamine. I have tried  LSD + DMT and 2C-C + DMT which were both fantastic.

Ahh so many enticing combinations!

Can you possibly describe your space/time ship in more detail? Sound interesting.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Delta-9-THC said:


> I have yet to try ketamine on LSD but it is definitely on my list. I'm saving some K for the next time I dose. I also would like to try DMT and Ketamine. I have tried  LSD + DMT and 2C-C + DMT which were both fantastic.
> 
> Ahh so many enticing combinations!
> 
> Can you possibly describe your space/time ship in more detail? Sound interesting.



Hi,

Yeah -K on LSD was good for me - much better than K by itself.  However, worth mentioning that both times it was not a huge dose of acid, and I did it later on in the trip (like after 6 hours or so) - I do the Nitrous later in the trip as well, as it's good to have the 'journey' of the acid to be fairly complete, so you're fairly at peace when you go into it.  Also if you start too early, the nitrous runs out just when you're really getting into it.

The "ship" is based very much in  hypnosis.  It's a visually and optically amazingly beautiful, but underneath it s definitely geared towards the induction of a trance - even in a person who does not hypnotize easily.  There are - depending on the setup - a number of disks/wheels that I made (about 2 feet diameter) that are all on electric motors and which spin.  The patterns on the wheels create the most *amazing* illusions when the acid and nitrous work - they take on a totally different dimension =- like looking into a crystal ball or something.  There are two main ones - one in front of you - so you;'re looking directly at the wheel - this takes you very deep into a trance.  The other one is on the floor -0 so at a 90 degree angle.  These two wheels are the main "motor" and the speed of the spinning wheels determines how fast you travel - and the direction of the spinning (clockwise or anti-clockwise) determines whether you are traveling forward or backward.

The next aspect is stroboscopic lights - and the speed of the flashing strobes makes a huge difference to the experience - much - much more than when you are straight or just on acid - it is a completely dimension warping aspect - and you can control the experience directly by setting the rate at which the lights strobe.   like to make programs that are synched with music or other sounds so that the sound and vision all work together.

Next up is the  direction that the light sources come from - and which eyes they are shining in - whether they are above or below the 'horizon' - whether they are to the left or right of the middle of your eyes.  

It gets very complicate to try and explain - and that is why  try to make it a purely subjective experience.  You do not need to understand the science behind the optical psychology - but the optical psychology gives you a very powerful and very controllable  way of inducing very specific subjective responses.

As the 'designer' of the 'experience'  am essentially making a pre-programmed Journey for someone to sit in the center of and be 'taken for the ride'.  However, as the designer - when I am on my own, building this shit, it's way more that I am actually 'driving' or 'flying' this' ship.

The part where it gets truly fascinating is that using the lights and wheels in combination with the right psychedelics, you can actually *create* subjective experiences - that's where the 'stable wormhole;' concept comes into it.  You can use the lights and wheels to actually induce a common experience in those watching it - it's amazing how just an optical experience can induce actual emotional responses.  This is about where I got stuck when the Nitrous ran out a couple of years ago,  I was really trying to fine tune the creation of subjective responses based on the lights.  I was waiting for the technology to catch up as well - and now it has.  The next version of my ship is going to be able to do things I only dreamed of ten years ago.

I have so many ideas that I still want to test out - and I have had a lot of time to refine them since the last incarnation of my psychedelic space.  Specifically I never had the ability to synchronize so accurately to sound.  I want able to get a rough synch between sound and light - but now I can control it to fractions of q second.

I will surely tell you more when I get a chance to actually build this one.

TMP


----------



## Xorkoth

So your "ship" is actually a physical creation in this world that's in, say, your room somewhere, that you can get inside and turn on to experience a fixed subjective experience?

This whole time I thought you meant you created a "ship" of some sort within the gascid world and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it. 



TheMerryPrankster said:


> Thansk candielle - you and your partner would be welcome in my head any time.  I'll be reconstructing my space/time ship again this year.  Maybe t's a good time to come and visit the Pacific West Coast.  I live on a small island.  Perfect spot to explore the universe...
> 
> The VERY Merry Prankster!!



Do you live on Vancouver Island?  If so, my wife and I had our honeymoon there in the summer of 2008.  Wonderful place.   We stayed in the Malahat.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Xorkoth said:


> So your "ship" is actually a physical creation in this world that's in, say, your room somewhere, that you can get inside and turn on to experience a fixed subjective experience?
> 
> This whole time I thought you meant you created a "ship" of some sort within the gascid world and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
> 
> 
> 
> Do you live on Vancouver Island?  If so, my wife and I had our honeymoon there in the summer of 2008.  Wonderful place.   We stayed in the Malahat.



Hi,

Yeah - I guess it can be confusing.  No-one had asked me to really clarify the space/time ship reference-and in the absence of any fuel (N02), there hasn't really been the inspirational spak I need to start babbling about t.

Yeah - the idea is something like ... did you see "Contact" - Jodie Foster, where they receive instructions on how to build a 'machine' that creates a wormhole in the space-time continuum.  It's a premise that I have subscribed to for a long time - that is that in order to travel to other 'places' we don't need an actual spaceship that will travel at impossible speeds to other star systems - but rather either something that creates a physical vortex of some kind - or alternatively - a chemically induced means of traveling to other star systems o or whatever - without having to leave the constraints of our corporeal location.  So you can think f this creation of mine as being something like that - a physical space, in which a combination of chemicals andf technology make it possible to travel to other 'places'.  It's a very complex construct - and one for which the technology is only now coming into affordable existence. I feel that perfecting this - or at leqst exploring it in a lot more detail is the reason that I am alive (If one were to subscribe to the concept of fate, or destiny.  Don't get me wrong - I'm way beyond the messianic complex.  This really does fall within the realm of Science.

I live just off Vancouver Island - on Gabriola - just off Nanaimo.  It really *s* a beautiful place.  I left South Africa in 1981,and it took me 20 years to find Gabriola - where I finally planted some roots.  If you ever come up this way again, let me know - ity'd be great to get together.

I wanted to ask you - were you the person who told me about "Kratom"?  It was someone - I think one of the moderators here on Bluelight.

Peace,

TMP


----------



## Delta-9-THC

I would love to hear more about your ship once you build it. It sounds absolutely fascinating but is hard to visualize. It would be cool to see a picture or a video of it in action once it's finished.

I totally see how all those variables could have a huge affect on the experience. I am very aware of the effects that the speed, rhythm, and tonality of music can have on the overall content and feeling of a trip so it makes perfect sense that the same thing applies to visual stimuli.


----------



## Xorkoth

TheMerryPrankster said:


> I wanted to ask you - were you the person who told me about "Kratom"?  It was someone - I think one of the moderators here on Bluelight.
> 
> Peace,
> 
> TMP



There is almost no doubt that it was me.


----------



## zinick

Amazing read... it really sounds like you've explored the furthest reaches of heaven, hell and beyond!

If you ever feel motivated to get it all down I'd love to read the non-abridged version of your story.


----------



## Ne0

Are you sure the damage was not from B12 vitamin deprivation? As if particular vitamin levels are too low long periods of time it may cause damage to your brains, and if I remember correctly long term of nitrous use deprivates tour B12. 

Anyway thanks for info. So not even opioids or cannabis help your pain?


----------



## skatr0830

Fantastic.  This could be the next Doors of Perception!  I truly think with your writing skills you could easily churn out one of the next best books on psychedelic/dissociative transcendence 

I dabble with nitrous occasionally, it was my first dissociative, but thanks for the added info on it.  I'll be keeping it in mind   You have my best wishes on recovering TheMerryPrankster and as you've said "If you ever find Heaven - take care of it."  Thanks again for the amazing read.


----------



## OpiYum

I love your story. Thanks for sharing.  You are a very talented writer.  This is the first long post, well definitely trip report, on BL, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single word.  

I haven't tried gascid, but have done both plenty, in fact nitrous was second to heroin last year.  Being a addict in general, I think this post was very, very informative and helpful to me and my potential company also.

The ship seems like an incredible voyage.  I would love to cruise w ship!  How genius!!


----------



## MeTrYxX

Thanks for an awesome read! I know that this has been here for quite some time now but I during my boredom i only stumbled across this tonight. It brings back great memories, both great and scary experiences. I've also lost my mind before, in a sense where I can't distinguish between reality and the illusions created by my own mind as a result of the trip. 

Never really got majorly hooked on Nitrous although when it was available it was certainly a very welcome experience. I have two experiences I can remember vividly which involve nitrous. 

The first was a new years eve, probably 2002 I think. Not sure cant remember, where I decided to do nitrous after a few lines of K. The next hour of my life was completely out of this world. I did the nitrous in the car whilst listening to some tunes and driving to a park (not me, friends were driving)! I remember opening my eyes not long after gassing up and everything being in shades of metalic colours of silver green and red. To be honest It doesn't feel like a hallucination because it is still so clear in my mind that night. I just remember thinking wow this is amazing! Then we finally found the park some 5mins later which felt like a few hours. 

I jumped out, then popped out of a massive k hole and i was two football fields away from the car thinking to myself WTF! Then spent the next little while being a child on the adventure playground. 

The second experience I cant remember the trip but like many drugs when u haven't got the right equipment u improvise. In this case we didn't have a bottle to add the n20 bulbs to, so one of my friends at the time decided to use the inner tube of a bike tire and a nail.

Seemed logical. Pierce the bulb then evacuate the gas into the tire and breathe it in from the tire. Worked like a treat, and became amusing watching how big the tire tube became with the expanding gas inside. Such a small bulb with so much gas :S ! 

Anyway enough garbage from me, just thought i'd talk about some of my experiences seeing as i enjoyed the read so much and i haven't posted on here in about 4yrs! 

Your an excellent writer as many have said. I found the read both informative and very entertaining. I hope everything works out for you!


----------



## DragonFly31

*Nietzsche"s thoughts on this one*

I'm reading "All too human"by Nietzsche at the moment, and there's this part that relates wonderfully to your posts, TMP:



> It is still a long way from this morbid isolation, from the desert of these experimental years, to that enormous, overflowing certainty and health which cannot do without even illness itself, as an instrument and fishhook of knowledge; to that mature freedom of the spirit which is fully as much self‑mastery and discipline of the heart, and which permits paths to many opposing ways of thought.
> 
> It is a long way to the inner spaciousness and cosseting of a superabundance which precludes the danger that the spirit might lose itself on its own paths and fall in love and stay put, intoxicated, in some nook; a long way to that. excess of vivid healing, reproducing, reviving powers, the very sign of great  health, an excess that gives the free spirit the dangerous privilege of being permitted to live experimentally and to offer himself to adventure: the privilege of the master free spirit! In between may lie long years of convalescence, years full of multicolored, painful magical transformations, governed and led by a tough will to health which already often dares to dress and disguise itself as health.
> 
> There is a middle point on the way, which a man having such a fate cannot remember later without being moved: a pale, fine light and sunny happiness are characteristic of it, a feeling of a birdlike freedom, birdlike perspective, birdlike arrogance, some third thing in which curiosity and a tender contempt are united. A "free spirit"--this cool term is soothing in that state, almost warming. No longer chained down by hatred and love, one lives without Yes, without No, voluntarily near, voluntarily far, most preferably slipping away, avoiding, fluttering on, gone again, flying upward again; one is spoiled, like anyone who has ever seen an enormous multiplicity beneath him--and one becomes the antithesis of those who trouble themselves about things that do not concern them. Indeed, now the free spirit concerns himself only with things (and how many there are!) which no longer trouble him.


----------



## ChronicHD

Truly a mindblowing account.


----------



## jsnake

Man, don't ever kill yourself, even with irreversible brain damage you're one of the greatest psychonauts out there, you'd be depriving the world of an incredible amount of substance knowledge. You got a lot of writing talent, as a lot of people have mentioned, it was very easy to read that whole passage. Write a book or something, you obviously care greatly about individual opinions cos you've replied to just about every post I saw on the first page. I wouldn't imagine a lifetime of pain would be a barrel of laughs, but you got a lot to offer the world mate. Best wishes to you.


----------



## motiv311

Good read. 

 I've met one dude in my life who was a true "hippie-crack" addict.... Sounds just like OP. He would get 12 boxes of 24 cartriges to split with me. But he ended up doing most of them. He would have all sorts of pseudo-religious experiences and stuff.... Occasionally I felt that light


----------



## headdah

hey dude just updating my current status on the abuse of nos.

Haven't been doing that much these days due to one reason. My kidneys ache from it. dont know how but it does.

It doesn't happen every time thou. some sessions i can smash thru 10boxes and feel no more.
some other sessions i'd be in agonizing pain before the first box is finished.  Although this pain is being triggered by nos, but its not the cause of it.  Its my k abusing days thats whats cause my kidney is such poor form.

But anyways due to that i haven't been induling as much


----------



## NoOnesHome

My brother used to work in a hospital and would steal 3 foot long tanks of nitrous.
rubber thumb and pliers.
Good times.%)


----------



## ShAYZoN

Fucking amazing was like reading a boom kept me attached to the story!!


----------



## walkthedinosaur

Interesting read, but that's a bit fuckin' extreme man. "hundreds, maybe thousands of *cases* of Nitrous (and about 750 hits of acid)" = holy fuck! Not really surprised there have been some adverse effects, surprised you can still write an intelligible sentence actually.

Have you ever tried amitryptiline for the pain? I have been prescribed some for, (pretty minor), neuralgic pain in the past and it worked very well.


----------



## ColtDan

mixing nitrous with booze and weed is crazy enough, wouldn't like to mix it with any psychedelics. that would blow my mind


----------



## BottleOfOxy

Thatt was the most wild story I have ever heard! And it really was well told, and as someone posted earlier a full story would be amazing, an I'm sure tons of people would read your autobiography!

Thanks for your story!


----------



## roganmaster

Holy fuck shit jesus that was a good read. I only tried my first whippit about a week ago. I did it on acid twice and posted about it in the psychedelics forum.

Everything in moderation. This post was a great eye opener!


----------



## demon66

Great story.  I like nitrous, but am over it at the moment.  It is definately one of the straight up fun drugs.


----------



## ladyofbluelight

Just so all knows.  Nitrous oxide causes a b12 and b6 deficentcy which is why motor skills are lost and what not.  If caught before to much has depleted away you can stop the damage.  There are B6 and B12 injections that when taken correctly and before the problem gets worse, they can reverse the damage done to your brain.  People can fully regain motor skills.  Please if you take nitrous oxide do not let it get to the point you need these injections but i would recommend taking these even if youve done a little nitrous.  B12 and b6 are some of the most important vitamins you could use.


----------



## alantis360

this was an awesome read , i actually read it a few months ago and was thinking about it very recently.


----------



## MrBuNGLe6969

Great read... thanks for posting!!! Nitrous is hit and miss for me but a few of my friends love the stuff!! If it ever starts getting on top I'll surely send them over to read your post! Nice


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi Guys

I'm back....

I got lost for a while and haven't been to bluelight since about April - I've missed it.  It's great to see that people are still reading this report.  It's definitely time for me to make the effort to rebuild my 'ship' and return to GascidLand to retrieve all my memories.  It's been a good couple of years and I realize that I only remember the most miniscule fraction of the events that  inspired, well... pretty much everything.  

I met some great like minded people in here, who made me feel totally iincredible, and who validated the things that I was doing at the time that I fell off the edge.  And despite all of the hardship that I had to endure as a result of my ignorance of the long term cumulative effects of Nitrous, the places that I went, the things that I experienced, the wonder and magnificence of the universe that were revealed to me, still makes it a trade off that I do not regret.

For those of you that expressed your compassion for my physical hardships - thank you again - and it's worth mentioning that this year I really went on a fitness frenzy to try and overcome as best I can, the handicap that I live with.  Despite still experiencing a lot of pain - at times excruciating - I have regained a fair amount of my mobility and vitality.  I can dance for hours at a time again.

I have also been fortunate enough to become involved with a very cool group of psychedelic-heads and like minded psychonauts - kind of like a reality version of the people here in bluelight - which has just been amazing.  I turn 50 next year - and I feel younger in both spirit and body than I ever have.  If I'm lucky, I have another 25 years of tripping ahead of me.

It's good to be back.  If there are still those in here who remember me - feel free to resume contact.  And it's time for me to write some more trip reports.  I have a few new ones from the summer that should be incredibly challenging to put into words.  Just what I need.

Peace,

tmp


----------



## dc710

Hey TMP this is the first time I've read your original post and it certainly strikes a chord.

I have done gascid quite a few times. By the way, I find it equally amazing (but in different yet similar ways) with nitrous on mushrooms and other psychedelics. If you've never tried it with shrooms you've missed out 

So anyway I wanted to share my most amazing gascid experience. I was out tripping in the woods with my ipod with a pack of nos chargers in my bag. I had previously had a similar experience on shrooms/nos and knew it would be good.

Anyway, so I sat down plugged my ipod in and did some nitrous. It was one of the most amazing and awe inspiring half an hour or so of my life. The trees came alive (most remeniscent of Treebeard in LotR), they were living and moving entities. I have found that in my nitrous space, the nitrous itself only opens the doors fully with music it 'likes'. After several tracks of amazing nos trips I played one and nothing really happened, but one of the trees beckoned me with one of it's branches, like an arm/hand to play a decent track! I have found this other times as well, like only certain music works somehow.

If I could afford to buy crates of nitrous I possibly would, but your story has definitely made me appreciate that it would really not be the best idea.

Good luck for the future The Merry Prankster

P.S. I would dearly love to have a go on your 'ship' :D


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

dc710 said:


> Hey TMP this is the first time I've read your original post and it certainly strikes a chord.
> 
> I have done gascid quite a few times. By the way, I find it equally amazing (but in different yet similar ways) with nitrous on mushrooms and other psychedelics. If you've never tried it with shrooms you've missed out
> 
> So anyway I wanted to share my most amazing gascid experience. I was out tripping in the woods with my ipod with a pack of nos chargers in my bag. I had previously had a similar experience on shrooms/nos and knew it would be good.
> 
> Anyway, so I sat down plugged my ipod in and did some nitrous. It was one of the most amazing and awe inspiring half an hour or so of my life. The trees came alive (most remeniscent of Treebeard in LotR), they were living and moving entities. I have found that in my nitrous space, the nitrous itself only opens the doors fully with music it 'likes'. After several tracks of amazing nos trips I played one and nothing really happened, but one of the trees beckoned me with one of it's branches, like an arm/hand to play a decent track! I have found this other times as well, like only certain music works somehow.
> 
> If I could afford to buy crates of nitrous I possibly would, but your story has definitely made me appreciate that it would really not be the best idea.
> 
> Good luck for the future The Merry Prankster
> 
> P.S. I would dearly love to have a go on your 'ship' :D



Hi,

Cool.  I was just telling someojne it's time got me to do it again - been many years - the loal nitrous is not pure - I need to order some.

I know what you mean about the music - all yhouhj iy's more like th music *you* like I think.  I always peck veru specific pieces of music or song for ach litle journey - almnost lik eth esong is the theme wround which that who particular mini edventur3e revolves aroiund.. Sometijmes thew music is arranged in a playlist so perfect (like when it's on Random).  It's like there's a psych-spiritual but invisible perfect SJ sometimes...

tmp

P.S.  And YEAH on the mushrooms also - and  Peyote, too - bioth the s\hrooms and they peyote very very 'organic' experiences.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

MrBuNGLe6969 said:


> Great read... thanks for posting!!! Nitrous is hit and miss for me but a few of my friends love the stuff!! If it ever starts getting on top I'll surely send them over to read your post! Nice



Hi,

I understand the hit and miss aspect - the technology I buoikd into it tends to make it much more reliable.

tmp


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

roganmaster said:


> Holy fuck shit jesus that was a good read. I only tried my first whippit about a week ago. I did it on acid twice and posted about it in the psychedelics forum.
> 
> Everything in moderation. This post was a great eye opener!



Thanks you - I am amazed that people are still comingin here and readin g the whole thing;.  Thank you all!!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

ladyofbluelight said:


> Just so all knows.  Nitrous oxide causes a b12 and b6 deficentcy which is why motor skills are lost and what not.  If caught before to much has depleted away you can stop the damage.  There are B6 and B12 injections that when taken correctly and before the problem gets worse, they can reverse the damage done to your brain.  People can fully regain motor skills.  Please if you take nitrous oxide do not let it get to the point you need these injections but i would recommend taking these even if youve done a little nitrous.  B12 and b6 are some of the most important vitamins you could use.



Good of you to post that - thanks,

tmp


----------



## nopipesdfw

What's up TMP, I liked this thread when I first saw it long ago.

I still do nitrous about one night a month, used to binge while on huge doses of psychs constantly. All I gotta say is... holy shit!!!! I'm sure you also know that the impossible stuff never runs out lol.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

nopipesdfw said:


> What's up TMP, I liked this thread when I first saw it long ago.
> 
> I still do nitrous about one night a month, used to binge while on huge doses of psychs constantly. All I gotta say is... holy shit!!!! I'm sure you also know that the impossible stuff never runs out lol.



Hey - it's really nice to know that there are so many peole out there who have seen at least some of what I have seen.  For so long I thought I was a culture of one - and never felt comfortable telling anyone about my journeys.

I haven't done any real nitrous in years as they changed the gas they were putting in the whippits.  It starts of OK, but a few minutes down it kind of fizzles out and you can;t get any further.  I did some research and found a company that claims to have the real thing - so I am planning on mail ordering some soonish.  

I stayed away form nitrous and Gascid for a long time, as I just liked it too much - or rather I didn;t like my life enough, and so I did it too oftern for the wrong reasons.  But I feel ready again to take on doing what I adore, and feel safe enough in that life is good and I won;t overdo it.

Actually one of the main reasons is that I want to continue writing about it - and I need the memories back.  SO mauch of the detail fades, but all it takes is goig bck there to remember pretty much everything that was going on before - kind if like a chemically created memory.

I've definite come back to the realm of acceptable psychedelic use.  I did way too many when I was younger - but now it's totally balanced, and I will likely continue ill I die.  Actually, if I had the choice, on my deathbed, I would like to do a couple of hits of acid and have a nitrous tank hooked up to me.  Death would seem like the perfectly natural progression.

I'm looking forward to some more of that impossible stuff - especially now that I have a place I can talk about it.

Peace,

tmp


----------



## nopipesdfw

Good to meet ya, I used to also think you were pretty insane like most people honestly do when they read certain posts of yours, but I am now pretty sure myself a multiverse and the human spirit or whatever it might be called are real! (just a guess)

My favorite combo for seeing such a large volume of shit in my vision when doing one at a time was like 40-50mg of 2C-I and a little bit of DXM or K sometimes. Gascid is insane though, do you like mushrooms with nitrous?


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

nopipesdfw said:


> Good to meet ya, I used to also think you were pretty insane like most people honestly do when they read certain posts of yours, but I am now pretty sure myself a multiverse and the human spirit or whatever it might be called are real! (just a guess)
> 
> My favorite combo for seeing such a large volume of shit in my vision when doing one at a time was like 40-50mg of 2C-I and a little bit of DXM or K sometimes. Gascid is insane though, do you like mushrooms with nitrous?



LOL - was I just complimented or insulted.  Perhaps both...  Oh well, I guess what it is for me as that I am willing to let my mind off the leash in order to fully experience something - but afterwards I tend to do my best to rationalize it all.

Regarding Nitrous and shrooms - yeah - I do like it (but prefer acid).  But I tend to like many Nitrous combinations - even Pot makes a huge difference to the experience.

I guess my real questing came about from having a Gascid experience that was so utterly profound that it changed my life completely.  I then spent a lot of time trying to recapture that experience - occasionally with success, but it was hit and miss.  I introduced all the technology to try and find a better way of recalling the space that I was seeking - and in the end I pretty much succeeded.  I'm pretty sure that I could choreograph a gascid experience that would relatively universely give several different people a very similar trip.  A lot of it has to do with music - and light - and the marrying of the two.  I'm an artist - both musician and visual - and a lot of the Gascid experience for me been about sculpting a 'show' that is designed specifically for the gascid experience.

I haven;t done it for a number of years - mostly owing to the lack of decent Nitrous these days.  But I found an online source that claims to be pure and I intend to rebuild my environment - and see how I feel about it all now.

Once I do - I'm sure that Bluelight will be veritably littered with Prankster posts...


----------



## Captain.Heroin

Glad to see you're back around TMP!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Captain.Heroin said:


> Glad to see you're back around TMP!



Thanks Captain H.

But it appears that not everyone shares that sentiment today.  I appear to have rubbed young Jack here the wrong way.  Oh well... can;t win 'em all.

)

tmp


----------



## Xorkoth

Totally unnecessary abusive post warned and removed.  We don't do abuse in here, so if you don't like the story, don't post.  Someone wrote this wanting to share their personal experience.  That's what Bluelight is for and if you feel the need to be an asshole to someone for not agreeing with them, then you should think about why that is and what that means about yourself.


----------



## K-Dazed

Wonderful read. I'm really interested in combining psyches with nitrous now.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Xorkoth said:


> Totally unnecessary abusive post warned and removed.  We don't do abuse in here, so if you don't like the story, don't post.  Someone wrote this wanting to share their personal experience.  That's what Bluelight is for and if you feel the need to be an asshole to someone for not agreeing with them, then you should think about why that is and what that means about yourself.



Thanks Mate!

I was a little stunned at the intensity of ha tpost. I appreciate your removing it, as this has been such a positive thread and means a lot to me.  It felt dirtied by that comment.  

I was a little unsure how to deal with it - because at first I didn't really get what he was saying - but when it sunk in it was unnerving.  I posted this post as a warning about the cumulative effect of Nitrous, and that it can lead to hypoxia and permanent brain damage (but it takes some unusually serious abuse to get there).  In part it was written for people like him, so clearly the message doesn't reach all.

I never went into any real detail in the original post about the physical effects that I suffered - it's a year of my life that I have tried to forget and never think about.  WHile I have no desire to relive any part of it, I think maybe I *should* post it.  If the overall tale does not fully serve as a warning, the details should.  It doesn;t have to be that long a post - but if anyone is teetering on the edge, wondering whether it's worth the risk - I should be able to make that decision a little easier.  It is so not worth it...

Anyway - thanks for dealing with this so quickly.  I appreciate it.  

tmp


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

K-Dazed said:


> Wonderful read. I'm really interested in combining psyches with nitrous now.



In my opinion - it;s the only way to do Nitrous - at the *very* minimum some good pot.  I find acid (obviously depending on the acid) to be the cream of the very best - absolute clarity - and the acid helps the Nitrous stick around a lot longer - you get a lot more mileage out of the Nitrous as it is so magnified.  Gascid is for me better than all the others put together.  I find it to be absolutely fulfilling - not a thing missing.

But be careful - it can *really* do a number on you - so take it very gently and slowly.

tmp


----------



## rdyfreddy

Hope your staying strong and pulling in


----------



## Cortexelus

Can you elaborate a little more on the environment you built (and are building)? You mentioned stroboscopic lights, did you use binaural beats as well? Were the frequencies of light and sound synchronized, as in typical mind machines? Would you say that you were navigating yourself around alpha/ beta/ theta/ gamma states? Or was this effect something totally separate? 

Did you use headphones, or a giant sound system, or both? The music you made -- *CAN we hear some? :D* What was it like? Some people mentioned only certain music would work. And that it depended on individual taste. What music was on your play list? 

I've heard of some people do  Nitrous and say they could imagine the perfect song for augmenting the experience, but alas they weren't musicians nor could communicate their imagination.

I was thinking of making a system like this myself. Suggestions? I was going to use video goggles with stroboscopic animation, plus headphones with binaural beats, plus some kind of music whose tempo also sync up with the sound/light frequencies (blasting from a sound system with MAD bass).. and control everything (maybe with a USB steering wheel LMAO) 

AND can you tell us more about your techniques for bringing back information? Were they memory techniques? Spaced repetition-ish? As you moved back from state to state? (like recalling a dream, you retell it to yourself in hypnopompia, and again in waking state, and again later until you find a pen/keyboard/voice recorder) Or after you came down, would you "drive" the machine back to where you were, trace your steps on the trip, to perhaps spur memory?



> Fortunately I have also, over the years, developed a way of remembering, and even bringing back something from the gascid realm to this realm - a way of remembering the thought, normally kind of too complex for our brains to comprehend - and bringing that thought - in its entirety back to earthly memory. And I can go back any time, to retrieve whatever I want from all that I have learned.



AND can you tell us some of the knowledge you brought back to earth? The bits of epiphanies you could remember?  It doesn't matter how esoteric it is, even  you think would seem insignificant to us. I'm just really curious to know what kind of psychedelic information psychonauts are capable of capturing. 

I'm guessing you kept a journal? Or you will keep one? Show us! (at least a sample?) Have you thought about utilizing a_ voice recorder_ during/after these experiences? Psychonaut journals are fascinating. (Have you heard of Carl Jung's "Red Book"?) I'm in the process of scanning my journals right now, and publishing them on the internet (trade journals? )

You've done a great deal of awesome sharing all of your knowledge with us -- your technique, your story. You're a true psychonaut, and your wisdom invaluable to the community of mind explorers. Can you elaborate more on your knowledge of the territory? The map. The epiphanies. (I can understand this is one of the hardest things to articulate and remember, and there's a strong state-dependent memory effect, but perhaps it's one of the most important duties one has being a psychonaut) 

In other words, did you catch any medium-sized fish?


----------



## Ohm

Amazing report, truly inspiring.
Has even made me post, have been lurking around for a while now.

I share a lot of your feelings on Nos, and have often wondered how to prolong a nos trip. Gasid seems exciting and will definitely have to try it.

I've seen the star of David shoot out of the moon and crash down into the earth.
I've been transported into my brain, sat down in a big office chair with huge tv screens all around me, with a giant metal ball made out of billions of pixels rotating on a pin. And every time one of the pixels hit the tip of the pin whilst rotating a memory would flash up onto the tv screens around me.

Adding acid to that sounds exciting.

Also your quote "I believe everyone has their own truth", will stay with me for a very long time

Great read


----------



## mdmaftw!

.............This left me awestruck......... Thank you friend for writing this amazing story... WOW......


----------



## rolls_

Ohm said:


> Also your quote "I believe everyone has their own truth", will stay with me for a very long time



I think 'everyone is capable of creating complete delusions' is a better way of putting it.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> I think 'everyone is capable of creating complete delusions' is a better way of putting it.



We are constantly creating our own universes and as such we all define our own truths.  The defining line that means I remain 'sane' and always will, is that no matter how far I let my imagination off the leash, and no matter how large the leaps of faith that I am willing to invest on my own journey in order to try and connect seemingly impossible dots and make consistent sense out of the universe as I see it, is that I always accept - every step of the way - that I could be completely wrong about everything.  Even if it turns out that some or all of the things that I have chosen to believe as truth, even in the absence of empirical proof, are _wrong_, it doesn't make me a madman.  I can still take off my hat to myself for at least having _tried_.  And even if my conclusions or postulations are not _the_ definition of the universe, they are at least as plausible as whatever the genuine eaplanation of the universe is.  I have not, and never will claim that my theories are _right_ - I only want to share the theories and where possible, find like minded people.

If I'm nuts - I'm certainly not alone in it...

;-))

TMP


----------



## nopipesdfw

Life is what we made it and are currently making it right now.


^ Yes TMP you know the maybe concept is oh so important, if people want to call me a madman it does not bother me. I definitely did way too much nitrous honestly in complete fucking awe but I don't regret it, I noticed some trends that have given me very different possible conclusions about the universe than before.


The boy needs therapy!


----------



## F1n1shed

Awesome read, i usually don't go for the long ones but this one was great. Very vivid and detailed


----------



## rolls_

TheMerryPrankster said:


> can still take off my hat to myself for at least having _tried_.  And even if my conclusions or postulations are not _the_ definition of the universe, they are at least as plausible as whatever the genuine eaplanation of the universe is.  I have not, and never will claim that my theories are _right_ - I only want to share the theories and where possible, find like minded people.
> 
> If I'm nuts - I'm certainly not alone in it...
> 
> ;-))
> 
> TMP



You think taking loads of drugs that cause your brains different centres to dissociate (decreasing intellectual ability massively) allows you to find out more about the universe? Unless you are some how absorbing new information there is no way you could learn anything extra about the world, taking drugs and looking at flashing lights doesn't give you any extra information. 

All this does is confuse all the feedback loops in your brain into thinking you've discovered something by firing the same neurons that fire when you actually do, the difference is it is an illusion this time due to the effects of dissociative drugs.

I'm not saying drugs can't have a positive purpose or it can't be fun, but don't be fooled into thinking you are actually doing something productive or learning anything, not being able to differentiate these things is known as schizophrenia.



TheMerryPrankster said:


> Even if it turns out that some or all of the things that I have chosen to believe as truth, even in the absence of empirical proof, are _wrong_, it doesn't make me a madman



Well actually some people would say that is the definition of being mad, believing things you know have no evidence or reason behind them as truth.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> You think taking loads of drugs that cause your brains different centres to dissociate (decreasing intellectual ability massively) allows you to find out more about the universe? Unless you are some how absorbing new information there is no way you could learn anything extra about the world, taking drugs and looking at flashing lights doesn't give you any extra information.
> 
> All this does is confuse all the feedback loops in your brain into thinking you've discovered something by firing the same neurons that fire when you actually do, the difference is it is an illusion this time due to the effects of dissociative drugs.
> 
> I'm not saying drugs can't have a positive purpose or it can't be fun, but don't be fooled into thinking you are actually doing something productive or learning anything, not being able to differentiate these things is known as schizophrenia.
> 
> 
> 
> Well actually some people would say that is the definition of being mad, believing things you know have no evidence or reason behind them as truth.



Clearly we have a difference of opinion - but that's all it is - opinion.  In a realm of research which is not legally sanctioned, there are no 'experts' to lead the way.  Your opinion is based in an argument that you no doubt fully understand - as do I of mine.

I am not claiming that I am _right_ about anything - I am just sharing my thoughts using words - which are an inept communication tool when dealing with something of such substance.  I have 3 decades of experience racked up - there is no possible way that I can succinctly give you the information that would change your perspective.  But I _am_ willing to discuss it further.  I would not expect you to blindly accept my interpretation of my experiences,  but I know that the philosophy that forms my 'big picture' is a coherent one, and while I may not be able to pour out _all_ of the right words at the same time, I _am_ capable of and willing to clarify myself if youare willing to listen.

Peace,

TMP


----------



## rolls_

TheMerryPrankster said:


> I _am_ capable of and willing to clarify myself if youare willing to listen.
> 
> Peace,
> 
> TMP



I am willing to listen, feel free to clarify yourself and explain how you believe you have learnt something about how the universe works from your experience.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Cortexelus said:


> Can you elaborate a little more on the environment you built (and are building)? You mentioned stroboscopic lights, did you use binaural beats as well? Were the frequencies of light and sound synchronized, as in typical mind machines? Would you say that you were navigating yourself around alpha/ beta/ theta/ gamma states? Or was this effect something totally separate?
> 
> Did you use headphones, or a giant sound system, or both? The music you made -- *CAN we hear some? :D* What was it like? Some people mentioned only certain music would work. And that it depended on individual taste. What music was on your play list?
> 
> I've heard of some people do  Nitrous and say they could imagine the perfect song for augmenting the experience, but alas they weren't musicians nor could communicate their imagination.
> 
> I was thinking of making a system like this myself. Suggestions? I was going to use video goggles with stroboscopic animation, plus headphones with binaural beats, plus some kind of music whose tempo also sync up with the sound/light frequencies (blasting from a sound system with MAD bass).. and control everything (maybe with a USB steering wheel LMAO)
> 
> AND can you tell us more about your techniques for bringing back information? Were they memory techniques? Spaced repetition-ish? As you moved back from state to state? (like recalling a dream, you retell it to yourself in hypnopompia, and again in waking state, and again later until you find a pen/keyboard/voice recorder) Or after you came down, would you "drive" the machine back to where you were, trace your steps on the trip, to perhaps spur memory?
> 
> 
> 
> AND can you tell us some of the knowledge you brought back to earth? The bits of epiphanies you could remember?  It doesn't matter how esoteric it is, even  you think would seem insignificant to us. I'm just really curious to know what kind of psychedelic information psychonauts are capable of capturing.
> 
> I'm guessing you kept a journal? Or you will keep one? Show us! (at least a sample?) Have you thought about utilizing a_ voice recorder_ during/after these experiences? Psychonaut journals are fascinating. (Have you heard of Carl Jung's "Red Book"?) I'm in the process of scanning my journals right now, and publishing them on the internet (trade journals? )
> 
> You've done a great deal of awesome sharing all of your knowledge with us -- your technique, your story. You're a true psychonaut, and your wisdom invaluable to the community of mind explorers. Can you elaborate more on your knowledge of the territory? The map. The epiphanies. (I can understand this is one of the hardest things to articulate and remember, and there's a strong state-dependent memory effect, but perhaps it's one of the most important duties one has being a psychonaut)
> 
> In other words, did you catch any medium-sized fish?



What an amazing post!!  Thank you!  Both for the kudos so nicely expressed, and for the very relevant and clearly portrayed questions - many of which contained their own answers.  You seem to think very much like I do, so many of the conclusions and postulations are extremely accurate, at least as I see things.

I have been asked a number of times to expand on the whole 'ship' thing.  I was intending to write a self contained and separate post about this - but the time just never presented itself - so I will try to express some of it now.

But let me try and answer and comment on at least _some_ of your post:

The context that you need to incorporate into your thoughts is _when_ I did the bulk of my work on this, as many of the thoughts you have offered, are ideas that have only over the last decade and a half become actual possibilities.  You have proposed ideas that I am *now* working on, but which were technologically impossible at the time.

I started doing Nitrous (then Gascid once I found it ) in 1981, and the first 15 years of my exploring Gascid space was done before the Internet and home computers.  So the materials and 'technologies' that I wanted to work with did not exist, and I had to get very creative in making what seems now pathetically primitive stuff.

It is also worth noting that I came at the whole Gascid thing from  two distinct perspectives - in no particular order of important.  On the one hand I was/am a pure scientist, and my research and experimentation dove very deeply into the realm of the brain/mind, in the areas of psychology, hypnosis and philosophy.  On the other hand I was coming at it as an artist, the end goal being entertainment.  It was iin the attempt to create this psychedelic amusement park that I discovered certain things about light - and its effect on the brain/mind.

So to answer much of what you wrote, I would have to answer it in terms of what I am doing/intend to do _now_ - but I will first describe what led up to it.  I wish that I could post photos here, as I could show you the actual stuff that I used.  

It all revolved around the concept of a strobe.  I was fascinated to read many, many years ago, that one in twenty _non_-epileptics will have a seizure when exposed to a stroboscopic light pulsing at 20 flashes per second.  This was incontrivertble proof that light has a direct relationship to consciousness, and I extrapolated that if this simple truth could be fine tuned, it might be possible to actually _control_ the brain/mind to a much more specific level of effect (This is of course exactly where the whole mind-machine technology went).  However, this was the mid 1980's, and there were no programmable chips, or even LED's or otherwise programmatically controlled incandescent light.

I was left with a FIY situation and so I cut a circular piece of cardboard, and cut a hole about 2 inches in diameter close to one of the edges.  I then mounted this on a small electric motor, and made a rheostat (using wire and a stick) to control the voltage.  I then mounted this on a box, vertically, and placed a light bulb behind the wheel - aligned with the hole - and turned on the juice.  The result was a very primitive strobe light - if you sat in front of it and looked at the light.  By increasing the voltage, I could make the strobe go faster or slower.

I discovered that by reversing the polarity of the electrical feed (DC), the motor would spin in the reverse direction.  This did not do much for the strobe itsef - but it inspired me to add to the mix.  On the original Star Trek series, Spock has at his work console, this Black and white spinning disk that created an optical illusion.  I decided to try this on my wheel, so I very crudely (to start with) drew a Spiral onto the wheel.  This created the effect of being 'sucked in' to the wheel, and alternatively 'pushed out' of the wheel by reversing the polarity and subsequent direction of the spinning wheel.  And thus was my very first component of my space/time machine/ship forged.

The discovery came the first time i used this device while on Nitrous.  It changed *everything*!!  It no longer mattered that I had a crude box with a light stuck in it.  While  under the effect of Nitrous, I had created exactly what I was trying to create.  And I also realizded that I was into a new and unexpected realm - hypnosis.

The thought just occurred to me that lends validity to the work that I have done in my exploration of the psychedelic realms.  When I refer to having made a 'space/time machine', I have always accepted that letting this thought out of the closet was something of a risk as I was unlikely to be taken seriously by most (although I have to admit, that I have been given a lot more leeway than I expected).  My biggest argument for the validity of chemically induced mindscapes/realities/universes is the one that states simply that consciousness is a chemical reaction taking place in one's brain.  We perceive reality as we do, _only_ because it is the product of the chemical reaction that is constantly recreating itself to produce an environment that allows us to interact with everything that is not us, without being overwhelmed with too much information.  It has been postulated by many (and made famous through Huxley's "Doors of Perception") that psychedelic drugs essentially enlarge the information pipe between brain and senses, and temporarily allow us to experience _more_ of the reality that we inhabit than our brains can normally process.  However, when you take a drug like DMT, which is _so_  powerful that is can temporarily competely eliminate our reality in its entirety, and replace if with another universe - one so alien to us, that it for all intents and purposes defies description.  The obvious question becomes "is this new reality an hallucination, or is it a 'real' place".  And if it _is_ an hallucination, what then is the nature of hallucination itself.  I believe that the answer is that it is *not* an hallucination any more than our normal reality is an hallucination.  If consciousness _is_ in fact simply a chemical reaction occurring in the brain, then it is possible - and _likely_ that there are potentially an infinite number of realities, all as valid as this one, all existing in the same space (but likely not time), and that we can travel anywhere in the universe without physically going anywhere, without the need for an 'actual' space ship, but simply by altering our brain chemistry.  Our body remains where it is, but the mind is temporarily absent.  And as time is redundant, we actually _can_ spend days, weeks, months or years in a different universe, while only minutes appear to pass in the time occupied by the body.  We experience this time dilation in dreams so we _know_ that time is relative.

One of the goals - possibly the _primary_ goal of my work with light/brain is to manifest the notion that it is possible to use light to alter one's brain chemistry, and that it may be possible to induce in a subject - a bona fide, full plown psychedelic experience without the need to ingest drugs of any kind.  If there is only one mountain, but many paths to its summit, with Meditation being one, psychedelic drugs being another, then it is not illogical to presume that hypnosis can be yet another, and owing to hypnosis being largely dependant on both the subjects willingness to be hypnotized as well as the subjects natural ability to be _able_ to be hypnotized, it makes logical sense for technology using a medium such as light to become the means whereby the subjects resistance to becoming hypnotized is broken down and eliminated - essentially potentially hypnotizing someone 'against their will'.

However that is a different story.  The point being made here is that hypnosis became a realm/medium/conduit to a place of phsychedelic enlightenment, and also a mechanism of recall of the memories accumulated, but hidden from the conscious mind.  And perhaps a clearer definition of my space/time ship is not so much the physical parts - the technology - but rather the state of mind itself.  Combining hypnosis and psychedelics allows one to 'create' a universe to design.  A 'laboritory' of sorts.

I had found the _key_.  I knew it with certainty.  So I went to work, and over the course of the next four odd years, I created the actual parts, and assembled, and continued to assemble, my ship - always a work in progress.  As I have said, my goal was entertainment - a light and sound show - designed specifically for use on Gascid. In the years to come I would work toward being able to make this 'system' something that could be simultaneously experienced by many, but in my 'laoratory', the room itself formed the scaffolding for the environment.  This was the absolute opposite of 'virtual'.  And only *one* person truly got to sit in the 'cockpit' at any one time.  Other people could be in the room and experience a peripheral show, but front row center was the place to be in order to maximize all of the 'technology' involved.  And it was from this position, that I built the ship - me in the center of the room, and the rest of it all around me.

The topic of Gascid, it's marriage to Yoga, Light and sound is monstrous, and will probably take half of the book I am writing to even scratch the surface, and as such must largely remain omitted from this post.  But the bare essentials require the mention of a few facts.  

It was a functional sculpture of sorts - I was in essance creating a portrayal of the manifestation of the inside of my mind - and in this headspace I am almost _obsessed_ with symmetry.  In Gascid space - specifically in regard to the Yoga, balance and symmetry are critical.  It plays into the intrinsic nature of the experience.  When doing Gascid, on many occasion I was not home and did not have any of my electronic optical tools with me.  I would always begin my session by positioning myself either facing the sun or moon - or alternatively having them directly behind me.  I would position and reposition the objects lying around wherever I am to instill a sense or ordered symmetry.  There are 'positions' that need to have an object in that place.  it is all part if 'fitting in' to the space surrounding me.  The arrangements of these objects are almost always as close to identical to  one another - no matter where i am doing it.  Putting 'placeholders' in these locations served, in the end, almost as well as the original wheels and lights.  I learned to know gascid space so well, and my use of hypnosis became so easy in the end that I did not _need_ my ship to be able to travel.

You asked about music - the type of music - the relationship between music and visuals - you mentioned using Binaural rhythms.  I am a musician and have written and recorded a lot of music - a fair amount of wehich was instrumental.  Sound on Gascid - specifically music, is the most utterly amazing experience - almost always making me cry.  When I am in my ship doing Gascid, I will do experiences around specific songs or music.  I plan and time the Nitrous to last the length of the music, climaxing at its finale, but also increasing the Nitrous load at specific points in the music.  We are talking serious choreography here.  The hits of nitrous are specifically timed, and delivered in very specific amounts at various points in the music.,   When I was showing this to the very few friends that have seen it, felt it, _been_ it, I have always done the loading of the nitrous in the correct doses, and cueing the user to take the hits at specific times.  It's psychedelic entertainment designed specifically not just to knock someones socks off, but to create in them a subjective experience - an experience that I designed.  It's more than listening to a song - it's more than watching a visual show - it's more than the combination of *all* of the technology and artistry - it is playing not an instrument, or a tangible aspect of any kind.  The persons actual spirit is the instrument, and when I put CHAOS together, it was a Gascid Show, set to a five part instrumental musical production, written specifically for the experience - to be a part of the experience. and timed so perfectly, that whoever sat in the driver's seat would have a very, very good chance of having pretty much the same experience as anyone else who did it.  It was a technological tour of the inner universe.  I watched their faces while experiencing it - and all of the expressions were the same in each person, at each part that I had designed to be exactly that.  Owing to the lack of technology, I was part of the show - and what I could not automate - I played manually.

To get a feel for what I am about to describe, you need to see my work with Fractals.   I have a presence on YouTube in which hosts all of my fractal work.  These short videos were what I did while I was waiting for the technology that I needed to be invented.  Each video is choreographed to an original musical piece (answering many of your other questions).  You cannot imagine - but perhaps can extrapolate some of what I was attempting to do by watching CHAOS - the original Fractal video.  I completed it *_fifteen_* years ago - on computer technology so primitive.  I had to generate *each* image in the video individually, and to accomplish this has to write a program to interface with the fractal generator.  I then took these tens of thousands of images and created short video sequences from them.  I then used Adobe Premiere to edit the full blown works of art.  As the technology improved, so my possibilities opened up, and if you see the video that I made 3 years ago (ChaoticEnergy(Full)) with state of the art technology, the difference in possibilities is exponential.  But CHAOS was built from the ground up - the music was written specifically for it.  WHile CHAOS was designed as a Gascid experience, the only way to share any of it was this.  CHAOS took me *two years* to make from conception to completion (it is 9 minutes in length), including writing and recording the music (I do everything - write, play, sing, produce, engineer and mix) and is my only work of art that was written to be an actual subjective experience.  But without my 'ship' there was no way to show it to anyone - so I made the fractal videos.  While I have got considerably better fractal footage now - I want you to see this one (first) as it specifically addresses what you asked.  All of my fractal/musical work can be found at http://www.youtube.com/fractalgod (the featured video is the *only* one that does not use my own music) - and CHAOS itself can be found here:  http://www.youtube.com/user/fractalgod#p/a/u/0/f7sei41GovI

It's worth the 9 minutes of your life.

The parts of the machine expanded.  My original spinning wheel with a hole cut in it became the original template of those that followed.  I made a series of wheels, all with very specific designs on them (you can see some of them in some of the fractal videos).  When the wheel spins, - the designs in them create optical illusions that on Nitrous/gascid are utterly unbelievable to see and have a much deeper significance.  The effect on the mind is indescribably even in metaphor and has to be experienced to in any way understood.  But if one were to attach something - _anything_ - in an attempt to describe not the detail, but rather the awe - disbelief - incredulity - _size_ of it's profundity - were it actually possible.  Pehaps as significant as genuine time travel.  Maybe bona fide encounters with alien life forms.  Stuff like that - that big. The visual aspect of the psychedelics is intrinsic.  The wheels only look the way that they are suppposed to when you have taken the drugs they were designed for.  I had a total of 4 wheels - all 128 - 24 inches in diameter.  Each of the wheels represented an aspect of my mind.  There was one wheel directly in front of me - facing me - and the strobe was created by this wheel.  Then there was another wheel (all of them on motors) that lay horizonatally on the floor in front of me - lined up with the 'main' wheel.  This angle created a totally different effect to the other (all  of this needs to be in a separate post).  Then (to keep with the symmetry) there were two more wheels, one on my left and one on my right.
Each wheel had lights shone on it  I had a geat number of other lights in the room - all symmetrical and positions in those same spots.  In front of me I used a candle - sometimes many candlles(in the midst of all the Order the candle flame provided the only random - totally unpredictable light source.  Other times I used a crystal ball for the meditation and focus.  The sound system was set up very specifically equalized and set to it's maximum undistorted volume - all unwanted light was shut down.

This may not sound like so much - but understand that once the Nitrous came into the picture *everything* changed.  The wheels were no longer just spiniing disks - they were part of the _engine_ of my ship.  They are communication tools as well - both to communicate with myself - and the 'guides and gods' that I perceived to exist in the other realm (also another story).  Once the Gascid was well and truly working, the room transformed from the bunch of components that I have described, as,... welll,... a Space/time ship.  I actually 'drove'/'flew' it.  It was not just a show - it was an interactive show.  The amount of nitrous controls how fast and how far you go, and with each new level, the wheels and lights reconfigured themselves.  They went from being wheels to being portals.  Slowing down and speeding up the wheels has the mind *Unbelievable* effect - like travelling at the speed of light - changing the speed of the passage of time - reversing the wheels so that they would come to a stop and then start going backwars is something that no words could encapsulate.  It literally _melted_ your mind.

But the focus wa always that single object in the center of a world of symmetrical pairs - a candle - or a crystal - or crystal ball - or solitary LED.  It is through this single point - this singularity - that the 'ship' allows you to travel.  It is somewhat like being sucked into a Black Hole and experiecing the whole of creation - passing through every point in the history of time - everything is one - and all contained in the smallest pixel of light.

Chaos was completed just before Christmas, and on Christmas eve, myself and my three best friends went down to the room that housed the 'ship'.  They each took a turn - I loaded the nitrous and fed it to them, as well as playing many of the lights in real time.  Two years of work compressed into 9 minutes.  A totally successful 9 minutes.  In that space - embraced in art of my own creation - I felt more fulfilled than I have ever felt.  My love of myself was blissfully cleansing.  In those moments I am as pure as I can be.  I am one with my eternal soul.  I experience the universe.  I am the universe.

It was not that long after the completion of CHAOS that I hit the wall and ended up in the Neurological ward of the hospital - the beginning of what has been a _tremendous_ amount of suffereing in my life.  Unfortunately it derailed everything.  At the time I thought that I would likely never do Nitrous again, and so I attempted, while it was still fresh in my mind, to try and capture and bring back as much as possible - to being _permanently_ into my life - the beliefs and foundations of understanding that I had gleaned.  If I was never going back - I had to make the suffering that I was to endure have a reason - make sense - to bring back what was so important to me that I almost killed myself attempting to prove it.

I went two full years without doing Gascid, but eventually could not live without it forever, and after a time I resumed doing it - but in moderation - as it will always be.  About 12 years ago I got my mind-machine.  I could not believe how amazing it was, and did meny sessions of both acid and Nitrous, both separately and combined.  I contacted and befriended the person who developed it, and he shared with me many programming tips and code snippits to allow me to  write my own software to interface with the glasses.

During these years my vision was redefined.  With the advent of tdigital technology and LED's I started to design my own prototype.  The concept of the protoype was to remove the need to be the only person sitting in the center of a room to make it happen.  My desire was/is to expand *massively* the optical interface, where is goes from being a stereoscopic, monotonous eyes-closed interface to a headset interface in which the eytes remain open in order to be able to position the lights, to have many *more* lights - coming from different directions, in different colours, at differen't angles - but most importantly - the fact that you would actually be looking directly into the light (naturally of a soft enough light to not injure the eyes).  The goal I was seeking was/is in essence total mind control.  The idea would be to use the lights (much like the mind machines do) to overpower the minds natural resistance to hypnosis, and then to take that mind to any of a vast number of programs that work something like the existing technologies, but take it much, much further.  

I discovered on Nitrous (even by itself) that certain strobe pulse rates (especially ones that are changing speed, much like the effects of the wheels) would create a very specific subjective response - in this case, _pleasure_.  The idea was to use the Nitrous as a tool to discover and map the speed, intensity, colour, acceleration or deceleration, and then to focus in on the collection of data that I found, refining the optical program to create predictable subjective emotional responses induced by light patterns.  Perfect this, and it would be like writing a song that _always_ brings tears to ones, eyes without ever _understanding_what is behind the emotion (and just imagine creating a machine that can make you feel good.  This was my original intent - but it occurs to me that there would be an addiction potential.  If any of my beliefs in this area are right, then I can imagine a time to come when _light[/I - in certain configurarions - will become illegal.

A further step to this would be to introfduce a biofeedback device. The basic idea would be that I could play with the various aspects of the lights - which lights, what colours, positioning, intensity, pulse etc. and while doing so, the biofeedback device would be feeding back my response to the stimulus.  I could have some interface - clicking a mouse button perhaps - through which I could tell the computer that it felt good.  The computer would then remember the optical program segment that had been running for playback later.  The computer would then play back the various segments that 'felt' good in a controlled or random manner, and again record the information as to which of these sequences worked best.

I did keep records of my experiences.  I did Gascid over 300 times, and as the memories fade so rapidly when you return - keeping those memories became a mission critical task.  There are points - in Nitrous - when absolutely everything in the universe makes sense - when you feel you understand the deeper connectedness of everything in the universe - you can even think actual thoughts that use words and explain it - so well do you understand it.  But by the time you return - is has gone.
I used pen and paper at first  - however the task of trying to write words - even hold a pen - hell, even recognize a pen.  It was only possible to get a word or two down before concentrating on the task became impossible.  I  

I finally found the solution in my Sony Walkman!  This was pre-MP3's so cassette tapes were it.  Mine had the ability to record from an internal microphone.  She when the thoughts came to me, I would unpause the tape and record my thoughts.  In the beginning I just let the tape run - but transcribing it was way too boring.  So I took to pausing and unpausing.  Sometimes it led to accidentally not recording something at a 'critical' moment.

I guess I was trying to find the words to express to someone who had *not* taken Nitrous or anything else neccessarily, the nature of the psychedelic experience in a way that would have the effect of enlightenment on them that can sometimes be felt while on psychedelics.  After I ended up in the hospital, I felt so bitter, and was on the receiving end of a guilt trip from my wife at the time, that I burned all my gascid diaries and tapes.  Years and years of work - all gone.

But I had, by the end, gone far enough on the nitrous to bring back a considerable amount of memory of the experiences.  When I resumed my exploration (very slowly), I tried keeping them again - I used video camera's - mostly to record a dance that I have been developing - a kind of Aerobic Yoga, but in the end I realize that I remember everything.  It doesn;t matter how long it has been since I last did it - and even if I can remember virtually nothing of my experiences - as soon as I do it again, the memories flood back.  Totall Recall.  There is no longer any need forme to keep notes for myself.  My need for notes and words - would be to attempt to express what I understand, to others in a way that is rational, articulate and coherent.  

There are still questions that i have not answered - you asked so many of the right ones. I also had no intention of writing all of this.   I still need to respond on the memory techniques that came after realizing that I needed to commit it all to memory beofore I could ever express it - and before I could remember it for the future, I had to remember it from the past  - because I would need to actually understand it if I'm going to express it.

Thank you for taking a genuine interest and sharing your accurate insights.  I hope you forgive my pedantry.

Peace,

TMP_


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> I am willing to listen, feel free to clarify yourself and explain how you believe you have learnt something about how the universe works from your experience.



I just pposted something that I have spent the entire day writing.  I would prefer to sit on it and re-read it and edit it -and be careful and stuff - but that's as much time as I have. While some of it may seem something of a stretch - remember that there are always more details to fill in the gaps.  If I have not been entirely thorough, it's because this was already much too long.  The stuff I write about is not stuff that just popped into my head - a notion inspired by a remark.  It really does come from the culmination of over 30 years of psychedelic exploration.  I was not easily convinced about many things - and actively _doubted_ anything that couldn;t bne proven.  I was my own biggest critic.  So when I invested my faith in certain things that I could not prove, I did not take it lightly.

Peace,

TheWearyPrankster...


----------



## rolls_

Whilst you certainly wrote a lot you didn't really explain anything about what you learnt, just that you build a very intricate device that allowed you to manipulate the state of your mind, very cool but it seems without purpose, you were able to create feelings of complete knowingness but I am doubtful that you actually knew anything, all you were doing is manipulating the feelings that occur when you actually do know something.

I can understand the usefulness in the pursuit of pleasure and generally having crazy trips, but I don't see where you are actually being productive or learning anything about the universe otherwise.

I think there is a massive difference between say being a physicist and actually understanding the physical basis for the universe, and using drugs to cause similar feelings without actually knowing anything.



> Totall Recall. There is no longer any need forme to keep notes for myself



If this is the case could you share some of the information, you can surely understand being a scientist of some form yourself how people could disregard this as the ramblings of a madman who did a lot of drugs if there is no actual information presented.


----------



## highonlife40

I think it damaged me mildly somehow, taking hits a couple of times each day..
It use to take my mind places then one day one shot, like a switch flicked, it just didn't carry my mind anymore.

I tried again later normal physical effects but nothing more, none of the former joy.

I thought it was harmless if oxygen depletion was avoided, however more research revealed that nitrous DXM, PCP and ketamine do kill certain brain cells, interestingly it also included that psylicybin exhibits a neuroprotective action against this, the article was to technical for me to understand though....sorry all

It would be nice to get a short simple fact sheet that people could understand, perhaps some brain educated type Has/could put something together


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> Whilst you certainly wrote a lot you didn't really explain anything about what you learnt, just that you build a very intricate device that allowed you to manipulate the state of your mind, very cool but it seems without purpose, you were able to create feelings of complete knowingness but I am doubtful that you actually knew anything, all you were doing is manipulating the feelings that occur when you actually do know something.
> 
> I can understand the usefulness in the pursuit of pleasure and generally having crazy trips, but I don't see where you are actually being productive or learning anything about the universe otherwise.
> 
> I think there is a massive difference between say being a physicist and actually understanding the physical basis for the universe, and using drugs to cause similar feelings without actually knowing anything.
> 
> 
> 
> If this is the case could you share some of the information, you can surely understand being a scientist of some form yourself how people could disregard this as the ramblings of a madman who did a lot of drugs if there is no actual information presented.



I certainly intend to.  I left trying to explain this stuff alone for a long time.  Posting in Bluelight has inspired me to revisit it all.  I understand your skepticism - and would likely share it in your position.  If you have a real interest, then have a little patience.  No-one has been able to coherently express what I would like to - it's no small task.  Most of what I have written recently has come straight out of my head onto paper.  If I were to seriously try and express myself, I would need the time to do it well and coherently, as I cannot expect any leaps of faith on the part of the reader.

All I have been trying to do here s make a start - get the ball rolling - not definitively make a statement.  And I have been pulling bery old memories in the attempt.  I spent the entore day writing that last post - and I was barely able to touch on anything - more of a painting a general scenario - which is still missing massive amounts of information before even *trying* to get to the real meat of it - the stuff you are requesting that I express coherently.  Understand that if I *am* able to convey this stuff in a manner that does not just get laughed off, it is no small undertaking - and short posts written in spurts is not nearly enough of an investment in the expression.

I was asked to extrapolate on something.  I did my best in the time that I had - but it was in no way finsihed or complete.  We are talking years - decades of research and experience.  This cannot be simply expressed on a whim - especially when the subject matter is so complex, and has no accepted frame of reference from which to draw universally acceptable descriptive language.  I am only at the beginning of my journey attempting to explain and express this stuff.  None of what I have written is meant to be a definitive definition or set of conclusions.

However, I have finally embarked on the journey to attempt this expression.  It's going to take time.

It is relatively easy to convey some of it to those who have done much psychedelic exploration themselves as there tends to be a commonality of experience - and one psychonaut may be able to accept as truth, the experience of another, simply by dint of having experienced something similar themselves.  But it is the greatest of challenges to attempt to convince someone who has never explored the realm of the validity of the realm.  SO far I have made no conclusions - only attempted to express my subjective interpretations of my expriences - and I was quite open and clear about the fact that I always acknowledge that no matter how cleverly I may connect the dots - in the absence of proof it is only theory and conjecture.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> I think there is a massive difference between say being a physicist and actually understanding the physical basis for the universe, and using drugs to cause similar feelings without actually knowing anything.
> 
> If this is the case could you share some of the information, you can surely understand being a scientist of some form yourself how people could disregard this as the ramblings of a madman who did a lot of drugs if there is no actual information presented.



When Marco Polo returned from the East - there were those who did not believe that he had been there - when it was postulated that the world was round - heads rolled.  Why would you consider anyone who chose to explore a realm that could not easily be proven - to be a madman - and his attempts to describe his experiences as being Ramblings?

As despite my subjective experiences, I acknowledge the subjective nature of them, and am purely attempting to share that which does not fall within the realm of easily definable science - or common human experience - why - I wonder - the critical eye?

TMP


----------



## rolls_

I get what you are saying but the comparison to Marco Polo is kind of funny, he actually said he physically went to the otherside of the planet, you so far have no even presented a hypothesis or any theory at all, you just keep saying you have this deep inner knowledge but none of us have a clue what it is about.

I look forward to you attempting to explain it.


----------



## His Name Is Frank

How about we all just stick to the thread topic at hand? This is a nitrous oxide trip report, not a debate room. There are other forums you two can continue your discussion in or just pm each other.


----------



## rolls_

I think it is certainly interesting to debate and TMP seems to be trying to convey something, this is helping him get it out?

I thought people were interested in what he had actually come up with?


----------



## nopipesdfw

rolls_ said:


> I think there is a massive difference between say being a physicist and actually understanding the physical basis for the universe, and using drugs to cause similar feelings without actually knowing anything.



You learn and then you experience psychedelia, ideally!.... and then you learn more!

Thinkbrains sitting around with different perceptions surely will have realizations about what they do best, visualization skills do wonders for the arts and ability to think in obscure, bigger gaps.... if you want me to explain facets of my learning process for classical music study, drawing, and applying concepts of physics and geometry in the learning process to learn new things I can try, but the things you learn from a trip should be personal and relevant.

I don't have magical powers, but I have no problem reaping some pretty insane benefits in the learning process from adding all kinds of variables with psychedelics and dissociatives.

That being said, I have seen some impossible and very comforting shit that has helped me get what I feel is a better and more rounded view on life. It sounds stupid to some and feels like a paradox, but hey, I'm glad I turned out the way I did.

I also have some ideas about plenty of twists on basic concepts of how most people view the universe, but I have no interest in being viewed as more of a nut. What do these ideas mean? Right now they are just thoughts I am storing in the case that I turn out I am onto something, making a seeming fool of myself is fun but today is not the day.



HisNameIsFrank said:


> How about we all just stick to the thread topic at hand? This is a nitrous oxide trip report, not a debate room. There are other forums you two can continue your discussion in or just pm each other.



I am talking about my accumulation of a pretty huge amount of nitrous experiences along with the threadstarter and talking about the ridiculous shit that seems to happen with people who are understandably confused! (And asking about it, lol)


----------



## budd0413

bravo, go on


----------



## His Name Is Frank

Oh don't get me wrong. The conversation is very interesting. We just have to keep it on the topic at hand, you crazy kids. :D I've never tried nitrous myself. Probably never will, but never say never. Hell, I had never tried Adderall until tonight.


----------



## Cortexelus

Amazing REPLY! :D:D I read it out loud with all my friends XD 
Your videos/music are fractacular o_o hard to imagine someone pulled that off 15 years ago 

Whoa that sucks that all your diaries were burned. But AWESOME that you're a writing a book. I want to be the first one to read it. (I'm writing one too. It's psyfi (lol) based loosely on my own experiments and insights. It's about a psychonaut exploring himself with chemical/technological means. Your story is most definitely an inspiration as well xD)

As for the value of information generated during psychedelic experiences, these two chapters by James Kent may be of interest:
http://psychedelic-information-theory.com/The-Value-of-Psychedelic-Information
http://psychedelic-information-theory.com/Psychedelic-Information-Theory

Also McKenna's point about Medium-sized fish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7WjtZnEEiA

As for the ineffable quality of these experiences, I've been there. Sometimes it's like "this is truly beyond my capability to describe this with words. Any poor attempt to use language so would only water it down". Once on acid, I temporarily lost my ability to use language. (Then I had some espresso and it all came back and I started writing.) It made me realize just how amazing language is. It's a TANK, thousands of years old, growing and folding in on itself and branching and feedbacking and evolving like an organism itself. It's an amazing tool. Words make things happen. Of all things in the human realm, language is really at the edge of chaos (the slightest difference of linguistic intent, and the future butterflies elsewhere.)

When faced with the ineffable, will you return speaking? 

I realized: what's enlightenment if it cannot be shared with others, or myself later?  

I realized the importance of creating cultural objects--  translating epiphanies into language/imagery/metaphor/art, so that it can be thought about, rationalized, digested, shared, reacted to, scaffolded-off-of, absorbed into the culture, feedbacked and deconstructed and remixed back into you. 

I realized the importance of devising techniques for capturing fleeting epiphanies, in a form accessible to myself later, and to others.

I realized the importance of describing epiphanies through the lenses of already-proliferated worldviews, philosophies, and scientific theories. You have to speak others' languages for them to hear you. (The imaginative part of you has to speak the language of the rational part of you, and vice versa, too)  

It seems to me there are at least two ways to share information about an experience.

1) Either you utilize language, imagery, and metaphor. 
2) Or you recreate the experience directly for other people.

Both are important. The first way is more accessible and digestible, while the second is clearly more direct and authentic. The first can be difficult, and will fall short, but its not impossible to convey experience and ignite others' imaginations through symbols and metaphors alone (McKenna's elegant description of DMT, for example). The second way can sometimes be impossible, but you've done a really good job piloting the ship for others, and describing the blueprints for us. If a scientist has yet make sense of his findings, he has done the world good by facilitating the re-creation of his experiment by others. 



> I have finally embarked on the journey to attempt this expression. It's going to take time.


Godspeed! XD


----------



## icked

Thank you for the read, and definitely learned something from this thank you for posting your story.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Cortexelus said:


> Amazing REPLY! :D:D I read it out loud with all my friends XD
> 
> .......
> 
> Godspeed! XD



Thank you )

The lengthy reply was obviously intended for you - and despite my incoherence at times, I was trying to at least get a start on answering some of your questions/observations.  I was a little disheartened at what appeared to be a judgment.  If I am seriously expected to clarify and quantify the ineffible in terms that can be universally understood (in a mannerthat has clearly not been done before or it would have had more press) then it needs to be understood that the answers, or expression of such deep metaphysical shit needs to be verbalized within a coherent intellectual construct.  To simply state some of the conclusions at which I have arrived over the decades (yeah - _decades_ - that's kind of the point) then I must first attempt to build and define the constructs in which such thought is based.  There is no quick fix here.  Anyone claiming to be able to spit out universal and hitherto inexplicable philosophical quandries that have historically defied defined description thus far would be a hard one in which to place credence - myself included.

It was suggested that this debate might be best served somewhere else in a thread of its own, as I started this thread to warn of the generally unknown dangers of chronic Nitrous abuse, and that the debate of universal truths is somewhat off topic.       While I see the validity of this point - it is also perhaps a pertinent tangent, as it was in the quest of the pursuit of these answers that I lost my way in the first place - and which culminated in my excessive abuse and subsequent (let's call a spade a spade) permanent brain damage.

I think that there is a collective consciousness/spirit emerging here and I personally (as the original poster) do not have a problem with it's pursuit in this thread - at least for a short while or until it be determined by a moderator to be neccessarily relocated to a more appropriate location.  Moderator advice is welcome.  

In the meantime, I would like to add a short (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!) response to some of the recent comments.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Cortexelus said:


> I realized: what's enlightenment if it cannot be shared with others, or myself later?
> 
> I realized the importance of creating cultural objects--  translating epiphanies into language/imagery/metaphor/art, so that it can be thought about, rationalized, digested, shared, reacted to, scaffolded-off-of, absorbed into the culture, feedbacked and deconstructed and remixed back into you.
> 
> I realized the importance of devising techniques for capturing fleeting epiphanies, in a form accessible to myself later, and to others.
> 
> I realized the importance of describing epiphanies through the lenses of already-proliferated worldviews, philosophies, and scientific theories. You have to speak others' languages for them to hear you. (The imaginative part of you has to speak the language of the rational part of you, and vice versa, too)
> 
> It seems to me there are at least two ways to share information about an experience.
> 
> 1) Either you utilize language, imagery, and metaphor.
> 2) Or you recreate the experience directly for other people.
> 
> Both are important. The first way is more accessible and digestible, while the second is clearly more direct and authentic. The first can be difficult, and will fall short, but its not impossible to convey experience and ignite others' imaginations through symbols and metaphors alone (McKenna's elegant description of DMT, for example). The second way can sometimes be impossible, but you've done a really good job piloting the ship for others, and describing the blueprints for us. If a scientist has yet make sense of his findings, he has done the world good by facilitating the re-creation of his experiment by others.
> 
> 
> Godspeed! XD




Just Awesomely put!!!

Brilliant!!

More!!!

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

highonlife40 said:


> I think it damaged me mildly somehow, taking hits a couple of times each day..
> It use to take my mind places then one day one shot, like a switch flicked, it just didn't carry my mind anymore.
> 
> I tried again later normal physical effects but nothing more, none of the former joy.
> 
> I thought it was harmless if oxygen depletion was avoided, however more research revealed that nitrous DXM, PCP and ketamine do kill certain brain cells, interestingly it also included that psylicybin exhibits a neuroprotective action against this, the article was to technical for me to understand though....sorry all
> 
> It would be nice to get a short simple fact sheet that people could understand, perhaps some brain educated type Has/could put something together



Hold that thought!  I believe it possible that you, like me, have been on the receiving end of the low grade Nitrous Oxide that is now prevalent on department store shelves.  I had a similar experience to you a number of years ago - it just stopped working.  For nearly 18 months I questioned whether it was me, my imagination, or what?? Had I become immune - had I absorbed as much as was possible and could simply never go any further?  But then - about 18 months later - splat - it was back - all of it - without a doubt.  I enjoyed a further two odd years of usage (in moderation!!! - I did learn from my mistake) - and then abot 2 years ago it disappeared in exactly the same way.  I have done a fair bit of research - and there are companies online that _claim_ to stock the real deal - and acknowledge that there _is_ a substandard Nitrous that is being use nowdays for  whipped cream syphons.

I believed _exactly_ what you wrote in your post - and I think (and I hope) that you are wrong - that you are _not_  immune, and that you did _not_ damage yourself.  I will be able to tell you the answer to this fairly soon, as I intend to get some fairly soon - by Christmas at the latest.  I will let you know as soon as I do.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> I think it is certainly interesting to debate and TMP seems to be trying to convey something, this is helping him get it out?
> 
> I thought people were interested in what he had actually come up with?



Hey rolls,

That long post two days agotook most of the day - I needed a break.  It's too late in the day for me to get started right now - although I might respond to a couple of your thoughts.  But I will hopefully get to it over the next day or two - I will try to stay away for the 'grand' description and will try to be more direct.  However, if you want me to be brief, and essentially give you 'examples' then I must reserve the right to clarify anything I write, as to condense into a salient point, I must omit the justification.  Better start small and expand than try and paint the whole picture.  I will try to respond to your individualposts as I make the time.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> Well actually some people would say that is the definition of being mad, believing things you know have no evidence or reason behind them as truth.



Let's start with this one.  I use this analogy a lot.  I know that it is simplistic, but it is a direct response to your comment here.

There is a common belief, held by over 2 _billion_ people worldwide, that every Sunday, they enter into a building that they believe to be the house of what they call "God", supposedly the creator of all things (who is, oddly enough, a _man_).  In this building, every sunday, they eat a wafer and drink some diluted wine, which they sincerely believe to be eating and drinking the body and blood of a man who may or may not have lived and died about _two thousand_ years ago.  They base this cannabalistic belief on a few short chapters of a book that has been translated back and forth between a number of ancient languages and dialects, and of which the first record was made  about 40 years _after_ the death of this quite possibly ficticiious character.  They claim that this book is the actual words of this 'God' of theirs, however they offer no tangible evidence of _any_ kind as to the existence of this God, or how these words are 'His'.  Certainly this 'God' of whom just about _everybody_ speaks at one time or another has never actually made an appearance (other than a few short chapters of this very old book, in which it is claimed that a man (the main course of this ritual Sunday cannibalism) was in fact this 'God's _son_ (although the supposed 'Son' of "God' never actually said that he was either 'God' _or_ that he was the Son of 'God').  So the people spreading the rumours were in Fact _men_.  Men siad that there is this thing called 'God'.  Men said that the  two thousand year old Sunday Roast was this 'God's son.  This 'God' fellow didn't say _anything_ unless you believe the Men who said that the Roast was his son - even if the roast disagreed.

Man said it all.  And where did Man get if from - why the 'book' of course - and the book was written by... let's hear it folks... Men



rolls_ said:


> Well actually some people would say that is the definition of being mad, believing things you know have no evidence or reason behind them as truth.




And they let these people become Kings and Queens and Presidents.  

And _Scientists!!!_

TMP

P.S.   It all comes down to semantics.  You are trying to trip me up on semantics. But you're tripping youself up on the same device. I will attempt to respond to your other points without being so obvious.  And I would normally never be so petty as this.  But you are trying to force me to state scientific truths as faith.  Semantics boil down to opinion and our respective abilities to articulate those opinions.

You want me to articulate, using words, some of thing things that I have - for want of a much less cheesy saying - 'brought back from the other side' as one example.  But you want me to do it here - now - you want me to prove to you scientifically, things that have never been proven before - yet you've openly declared me to be a schiphrenic (in your opinion) suffereing from delusions, rather than having been privvy to enlightenment.  You've already judged me.

SUrely you understand that proof - especially proof of this magnitude cannot be expressed in a few words or paragraph,  If this is to be really taken as as a serious subject, and if I am claiming to be coming it it from a scientific perspective, then why would you not grant me the space that I would need to be professionally coherent - and why try to _goad_ me into immediate responses .

So let's take a good long look at what you said to me - and more than that - let6's take a look at the _way that you said_ it...


----------



## WinterNips

Personally I think you should write a book, captivating writing, fascinating insight.


----------



## lostNfound

Wow. What a story, I understand Gascid; although I never had a name for it.
I used to Candyflip while playing with nitrous extensively.

Must be tough living with that pain and the guilt and shame in not being able to talk about the cause of the pain.


----------



## nopipesdfw

My connection with the "Godhead" is active and no longer an addiction atm (not even weekly lulz, plenty of buildup just to a single lung), as somebody who grew up in Catholic school and has studied religion and attended plenty, plenty ceremonies...... I'm glad I found something that is seemingly faster than the speed of light due to stackage, Ender's Game style, not two millenia clinging.

Extinct books and buildings contain stories that might be able to be relevant to you (how extinct are you?), but I honestly lost a constant answer of a will to live over my life with Christianity being right in the middle.(I'm weird as fuck but religious people and other "yes!" robots used to get to me, you want an answer you picked it but it's still not my choice) People can do what they want with their faith, but I didn't spend a whole life of confusion just to hinder myself down from incomplete suggestions.

Since my considering of some dualities and dropping my stance of mega-atheism, maybe it's just my vibes..... but things are going well. Life requires conscious effort though and no holding on in delusional ways, existence is changing. (I know, mr.whippethead talking here)

If I ever suffer health problems or I am obviously doing nitrous even multiple times a week (past that one), heads up please! I'm not here to surrender my pre-intuition at what I do best, though, that would be stupid as fuck. (Yeah, lungs of nitrous whilst tripping landed me on some "eureka!" concepts for me that might be obvious to some people, they were so obviously a catalyst though with the right base)


----------



## Dr migi

Very intressing report. Very good written.
Your sentenses makes lot of senses. I've done LSD a couple of time and was intressted on these fellings of telepathy - psychokenesis? - and perception.

I learned a lot just reading all this. And I'm really happy to read someone that think like I do but in a very deep maner.

Hope you the best.
~mig


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

WinterNips said:


> Personally I think you should write a book, captivating writing, fascinating insight.



Thanks )  Actually I *am* writing a book.  I got such postive responses from my posts in here - so recently - with a little prodding - I decided to take thr plunge.   I am using Bluelight as a testing ground.

Thanks for the kudos )

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

lostNfound said:


> Wow. What a story, I understand Gascid; although I never had a name for it.
> I used to Candyflip while playing with nitrous extensively.
> 
> Must be tough living with that pain and the guilt and shame in not being able to talk about the cause of the pain.



Thanks for the sympathy.  Writing and publishing the original was a real catharsis for me.  About 10 years ago I posted a *very* short half page on the risks associated with chronic Nitrous use on Erowid.  But it wasn't until I posted the 'full' version in here and got such beautiful and supportive responses that I felt that I had finally unloaded my baggage.  I've got over the guilt because I have paid the price.  I've suffered enough to consider my Karmic punishment complete.  The hardest part is that I never told my doctor - or _any_ doctor what the cause was  - and as my injury is invisible (neurological - no quantifiable physical manifestation) - doctors have generally considered me to be hypochondriac or an addict, lying to get narcotics.

But I learned a lot through the pain - and I found Yoga (or rather Yoga found me).

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Dr migi said:


> Very intressing report. Very good written.
> Your sentenses makes lot of senses. I've done LSD a couple of time and was intressted on these fellings of telepathy - psychokenesis? - and perception.
> 
> I learned a lot just reading all this. And I'm really happy to read someone that think like I do but in a very deep maner.
> 
> Hope you the best.
> ~mig



Interesting that having only done it a couple of time that you would tune into telepathy and telekenesis.  I believe that LSD has the potential - if not to unlock new parts of our brains/minds - at least to show us the potential that is there to unlock.  I used to think that maybe we reached true enlightenment when taking substances like LSD, but I now think that maybe it is morelike a 'photograph' of enlightenment - something to show us what might lie at the top of whe mountain that we all climb on our journey through life.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

nopipesdfw said:


> My connection with the "Godhead" is active and no longer an addiction atm ...



Hi,

I am glad that you pulled back from the edge.  It is a terrible thing to find something so profound, and then damage or destroy that thing (and yourself) just because you're an uncontrollable kid in a candy store.  Stay Well.,

TMP


----------



## UnSquare

*Yesterday After An Acupuncture Session Nitrous + Hindu Breath Locks Gave Me ++++*

...


----------



## sonic_reality

wow great read man... was so good to see that someone has had similar experiences to me. i've had a few wild high dose lsd experiences, that led to my death(mayan day out of time, i was convinced that the party was the end of the world party, i was told by the spirits/god and also by everyone around me that i was dying/already dead), and eventually my rebirthing as the christ consciousness a few years later(after sharing the same consciousness as my girlfriend, i came out of the experience believing that i was the messiah, in fact, everyone was the messiah, and that for human kind to evolve further, we needed to devolve and get rid of what was holding us back, our clothes... needless to say, nakedness follwed). however i was never fully able to understand or grasp what had happened to me in those trips, i only had a slight understanding of what went on.

it wasn't until i fully started to get back into nitrous again after a few years off, and started to combine it again with acid, that i began to understand and *remember* what had happened to me in my previous trips. in the few moments(which felt like hours) that i was in the gascid realms, i was told what had happened, why it had happened and what lessons i was meant to take from it. hehe and then i too went down the same path as you, doing nitrous daily and combining it with acid, and then to the point of just doing nitrous on it's own, constantly, trying to understand more about the universe. i too also started holding my breath(balloons are nasty and when used constantly, lead to throat infections) on it for minutes at a time, trying to get as much out of it as i could. i think my worst period was going through 5 cases(36 boxes per case) in just over a week. it wasn't until my girlfriend stepped in, that i realised that i was not using it as a tool to learn anymore, i was using it to feed my addiction. and it was an addiction that was just as hard to kick as any other i have had!!

luckily i never got to the stage that you got, and have managed to get a grip on it. i still use it, but only for what i believe is it's intended purpose. i have been told and seen many things while under the influence of lsd and nitrous... and i fully understand what i have been told, but i am not able to get it across to anyone in any form that would make sense, so i do not even bother explaining it anymore. i now just sit back, knowing that the key is there!!

altho for me... i think my best ever combination, was combining dmt and nitrous, whilst on a high dose of lsd. i've done this a few times. pack the cone of dmt, and load 2-3 chargers. fully inhale all of the dmt in one clean hit, hold it in your lungs, and then exhale. before breathing in any oxygen, hit back the nitrous until it is finished. let me just say...... WOW  beyond explanation, i seriously have no words to describe what happened, apart from to say that i cried because what i saw was soooo beautiful!!

hehe so it was great to read your story and finally know that someone else has experienced what i experienced(even down to the bad trips that lead to your addiction), that i am not actually all that crazy for believing that there is so much more to nitrous and lsd than i think most people will ever know!!


----------



## Dr migi

> if not to unlock new parts of our brains/minds - at least to show us the potential that is there to unlock.



exactly! All these amount of informations our brain filter out when not under the influence of LSD is colossal! I hope that all research on this chemical will prove that it has much more benefit to get and change the opinions of people on it.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hey Rolls,

Sorry if my last message to you came across as aggressive.  It was not really meant to be. You were big on the calling me a schizophrenic and quantifying my oerceptions as delusions.  You then made a very blatant comment about people who believe in things without having proff or evidence to back up those beliefs as being ...well... mad.

I thought it pertinent ot point out that 'mad' is extremely relative - and used the Christian analogy to illustrate the point.  Buy your definition - pretty much all Christians are mad by default. I thought it important to bring to the table that we cannot label people so absolutely based on so broad a criterion.

It is in fact because of this apparently judgmental position of yours that I am hesitant to voice some of the findings that I brought back from my adventures - as I have not yet got enough to call proof.  I certainly have enough that those who have explored this realm - or who openly subscribe to extreme possibilities - might be willing to accept some of my perceptions - even validate them. But to reach a diehard skeptic?  well I'm just not ready yet.  The book that I am writing is an attempt to do exactly this - to draw enough of a logical and rational connection between the psychedelic experience and other reasonably well accepted genuine 'mystical' experiences - as well as the scientific aspects - which are  probably more important to me to 'prove'.

Now if you are still reading this and I did not offend you into going away - there *are*( things - of scientific nature - that are not just rambling delusions and feelings experienced while high.  I *can* actually address and answer some of what you were asking of me if you are still inetersted.  But I would very much appreciate it if you woulfd drop the 'challenging' posture - as I have no interest in 'defending' myself.  I'm happy to share my thoughts - but not if I am on trial.

So my apologies if I ruffled your feathers.  I was feeling a little attacked.  Perhaps - while valid - my response came across as a little kneejerk.

Peace,

TMP


----------



## Transcendence

Checking back in...last year my roommate and I were getting large tanks of medical grade nitrous delivered to our apartment. One of his friends worked in a lab and supplied it to us. We'd buy the huge punching bag balloons to fill and throw nitrous parties. 

This thread stuck in my memory. I think I would have done the shit constantly otherwise. Even with the sheer volume of nos that went through the house I couldn't have come close to the amount you did, but I can't help but feel I would have been risking some damage if I didn't cut myself off. Thanks man.


----------



## rolls_

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hey Rolls



TMP I wasn't directly calling you those things, I was just trying to tease out some more material from you in a somewhat aggressive manner, I'm sorry if I offended you as that was not my intention.

I am certainly still interested and that was what I was aiming at originally with my post, anything of substance eg some topics even if no real detail or proof is available I would like to hear about them, I can understand the difficulty in doing so but I'm sure everyone here would love to hear about exactly what it is that you did learn.





sonic_reality said:


> luckily i never got to the stage that you got, and have managed to get a grip on it. i still use it, but only for what i believe is it's intended purpose. i have been told and seen many things while under the influence of lsd and nitrous... and i fully understand what i have been told, but i am not able to get it across to anyone in any form that would make sense, so i do not even bother explaining it anymore. i now just sit back, knowing that the key is there!!!!



This is what I was getting at with TMP as I was skeptical as to whether he actually learned something or if he had the same experience as you, a very intense feeling of knowingness, but without actually knowing anything, I am fairly confident these feelings are completely manipulated by the drugs and you don't actually know anything new, this was my experience with nitrous. Every time I would remember where I was and where I left off and would feel like I knew everything, as soon as the trip was over I would 'forget' but now I realise I didn't actually know anything, it was just drugs fucking with my mind.


----------



## sonic_reality

Fair enough... i don't really expect anyone(hehe except maybe merry prankster) to understand, and can understand why you feel that way. like you, for years i too felt like i had grasped come great revelation while on nitrous, only to quickly forget it. it wasn't until i had some extremely intense and completely mindblowing acid trips where i died, and then was reborn in a later trip(all amazingly connected to each other, and all without nitrous), that i was able to start bringing back little snippits of what went on while i was on nitrous. i don't know, maybe because i have seen some absolutely incredible things whilst not on nitrous, that i/my mind is able to grasp and understand a little more about the nitrous experience than someone who hasn't had the unbelievable psychedelic experiences that i have had?! all i know is that i am actually remembering my nitrous experiences now, not forgetting them! but for me, it is near on impossible to turn what i have learnt, into any formation of words that will make sense to anyone. which is why i don't even try. hehe it has never come across too well when i try to explain it, so i don't even try to anymore. all i suppose i can say is, that i have been to other realms whilst on it. i have seen gods, i have spoken with other beings. i have seen inanimate objects come to life and dance in front of me as if possessed by a being(one thing i did notice, is that this only happens with things that are handcrafted, such as a wooden statue) i have had interconnected acid and nitrous experiences with my partner, where we both went on the exact same journey, and came out learning the exact same thing(to the point of finishing each others sentences when explaining it to each other). plus so so much more!! hehe all a mish mash of experiences, but there is so much more to each of them than what i just said. but to explain it to anyone, it is almost like i would have to learn another language to properly explain the things that have happened!

anyways... not really wanting to go into it. as i said, i don't even try to explain to people what i see and learn when having "gascid". i just felt the need to respond to what merry prankster wrote about, because his description of the experience is the closest description to what i have experienced!

hehe but yes, i do understand you skeptisism rolls. i am sure i have come across as a bit of a loony(and nitrous fiend) by what i have said!! heh which is why i never try to explain it!!


----------



## rolls_

sonic_reality said:


> i have seen gods, i have spoken with other beings. i have seen inanimate objects come to life and dance in front of me as if possessed by a being(one thing i did notice, is that this only happens with things that are handcrafted, such as a wooden statue) i have had interconnected acid and nitrous experiences with my partner, where we both went on the exact same journey, and came out learning the exact same thing(to the point of finishing each others sentences when explaining it to each other).



You don't actually believe that you have been somewhere and seen these things do you? You realise it is just the intense complexity of your brain being broken down by the drugs and causing you to imagine intense things yes? That is why it is called a hallucinogen, because you hallucinate, nothing actually happens to you.


----------



## sonic_reality

haha mate... you have no idea what i have seen, or what i have experienced!! if you had experienced a death trip(i am not talking about a bad trip here, this is a whole other level), i'd say your view on "hallucinations" would be very different!! let's just chalk it up to us both having a different view/opinion of what psychedelics are actually capable of!

anyways.... this is why i never try to explain it to anyone!!

great thread merryprankster :D

*edited* just to add, it is just an assumption that you have never experienced a death trip. i do not know because i do not know you. all i know, is that after mine, there was no way that i could ever just put some of the things i have seen down to just a mere "hallunication"! i am a very well rounded guy(i'd like to think so anyways), i am rational, i am realistic, i have my head screwed on. i am not crazy in any sense of the word. but fuck me, i have seen some crazy shit!!!


----------



## rolls_

I do not doubt what you have seen I just do not understand how people think they have some divine connection to something when in reality it is just a butt load of drugs in your brain making you see stuff.


----------



## sonic_reality

I wouldn't expect you to understand dude! Maybe when you have been where I(and by the sounds of it, the merry prankster) have been, then you might understand. Until then, it is totally understandable that you don't understand :D

anyways, enough about all this. i was only posting a response to TMP's experience, i didn't really want to have to go into all this. once again, this is exactly the reason why i never try to explain it to anyone!!

I'm out of this thread for now.... altho i'll be back in the future to see if TMP has been able to put into words, what i cannot!

I'll end with this though... I don't believe that only I have a divine connection to something higher. We ALL do. It is just a matter of finding a way to tap into it!


----------



## nopipesdfw

sonic_reality said:


> anyways, enough about all this. i was only posting a response to TMP's experience, i didn't really want to have to go into all this. once again, this is exactly the reason why i never try to explain it to anyone!!



Exactly


----------



## rolls_

sonic_reality said:


> We ALL do. It is just a matter of finding a way to tap into it!



Ill drop the conversation here as I am a staunch athiest and don't believe things like this are possible. Sorry if I've derailed your thread TMP.


----------



## pofacedhoe

rolls_ said:


> Ill drop the conversation here as I am a staunch athiest and don't believe things like this are possible. Sorry if I've derailed your thread TMP.



we could figure that out already from your psychedlics dont show you anything spiritual they just mess your senses up.

each to their own


----------



## Jimi Thing

Excellent story.  About midway through I concluded that you're batshit crazy.  I giggled furiously and read on.  Having finished the story and read some of your other posts, I realized I was wrong.  You're trying to find what everyone is looking for, just in a very unique way.  Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary genious.  I'm very sorry to hear about the suffering you've endured.  I can't imagine what that must be like, and I admire your courage.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Transcendence said:


> Checking back in...last year my roommate and I were getting large tanks of medical grade nitrous delivered to our apartment. One of his friends worked in a lab and supplied it to us. We'd buy the huge punching bag balloons to fill and throw nitrous parties.
> 
> This thread stuck in my memory. I think I would have done the shit constantly otherwise. Even with the sheer volume of nos that went through the house I couldn't have come close to the amount you did, but I can't help but feel I would have been risking some damage if I didn't cut myself off. Thanks man.



Oooh - I'm jealous... 

I highly doubt that I would have lived to start this thread if I'd had the access that you did.  I only once had access to a tank of it - all the rest were whippits.  The nice thing about the tank was doing t with other people - just passing the hose around the circle, with everyone pretty much travelling through the same space at the same time.  I did most of my Nitrous alone - it would have been nice to share more.

I found a place online that claims that it's whippits are pure and I ordered some - waiting with excitement for the arrival.  It's been going on 3 years since I had any pure Nitrous - and it's been longer since I had any good Nitrous and good acid at the same time.  So given how important Gascid has been to me over the last 3 decades, I am really, really, *really* giddy at the thought of doing it again.  I plan on spending the day setting up the room - all my 'toys' will come out of the closet - all the new ones that I have built in anticipation will be added tro the stage.  All the music will be choreographed - the visuals synchronized.  It's going to be like being on honeymoon with God - and she's *really* missed me! 

If the Nitrous is real - I imagine I will be posting a whole world of thought in here.  I'll make sure to have some means of recording my thoughts going throughout the journey.

If there are any good ones, I'll be sure to share.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

WOW - there have been some great posts - I have been a tad too busy to participate, but I should be able to get back into it.  There's a lot to say.  It's just *awesome* being able to talk to other people about this stuff.  That is what has always been the hardest thing - trying to fathom this unbelievable stuff without even a sounding board to see if I make any real sense.

I'll be back and will try to be as coherent as I can.

I really appreciate all the validation guys - I've spent most of my life afraid to even mention this stuff to people for fear of the reaction.  It's nice to know that I am not alone.

Back soon,

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> TMP I wasn't directly calling you those things, I was just trying to tease out some more material from you in a somewhat aggressive manner, I'm sorry if I offended you as that was not my intention.
> 
> I am certainly still interested and that was what I was aiming at originally with my post, anything of substance eg some topics even if no real detail or proof is available I would like to hear about them, I can understand the difficulty in doing so but I'm sure everyone here would love to hear about exactly what it is that you did learn.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is what I was getting at with TMP as I was skeptical as to whether he actually learned something or if he had the same experience as you, a very intense feeling of knowingness, but without actually knowing anything, I am fairly confident these feelings are completely manipulated by the drugs and you don't actually know anything new, this was my experience with nitrous. Every time I would remember where I was and where I left off and would feel like I knew everything, as soon as the trip was over I would 'forget' but now I realise I didn't actually know anything, it was just drugs fucking with my mind.



Hey Rolls - I appreciate your saying this.  You absolutely hit me in the Achilles heel - because the reason that I have kept my mouth shut most of my life is exactly because of lack of proof.  I am loathe to put forward something that can only be substantiated as the interpretation a subjective experience.  It was the quest for proof that led to my Nitrous abuse.  Proof became an obsession because I knew that without it, all I was likely to elicit in others is the opinion that you put forth.  

I very definitely disagree with some of your points of perspective.  I see that you butted heads a couple of messages down as a result of these views.  But I also feel that I am sitting on the fence when I see some of your perspectives as being purely opinion, while you are demanding something quantifiable from others.  

For example your reference to 'hallucinogen'.  Who is to say that these thigns are hallucinogens?  LSD was completely incorrectly labelled hallucinogen - it is a psychedelic.  I have taken hallucinogens before (did a poston a drug called 'Artane').

I have to admit that in my first experiences with DMT I considered it completely hallucination based - but I have since opened my mind to the altyernative.  Nitrous is in no way an hallucnogen.  It is a dissociative by definition - but dissociative does not implicity imply anything unreal or imagined - but rather something isolated - a focus on some things in part by the removal of others.

The thing that I see as a real stumbling block in our communication is that you have already dismissed the potential validity of the psychedelic experience - and it seems form a glimpse I caught down the page (and will get to soon) thatyou similarly outrightly dismiss any possibility of a 'mystical' or 'religious' experience - by dint of your dogmatic Atheism.

I think thatyou will find that most serious Nitrous users - and very definitely Gascid users find that at some point they encounter what they can only subjectively describe as 'Divine' - definitely something I try to stay away from talking about.

Trying to express this stuff is incredibly hard - so hard that in all these pages I haven;t even made an actual start - but have rather so farsimply been painting an environment.  I have also forgotten about 99.9% of everything I have experienced over the last 30 years of doing it - so mostof the information that I need to make the attempt is simply not available.  

ButI did explain that between the nature of Nitrous itself, the hypnotic techniques thatI have developed for emory recall, andthe tools I have built that use sound and light as a medium to explore my sunconscious, I am able to effect practically total recall of everything thatI have thought in the gascid realm.  I have some nitrous on the way, and intend to be doing Gascid for the first time in about 3 years.  

WHen I have had the opportunity to remember - I will attempt to express the stuff thatI have 'brought back'.  But understand that _I_ understand your incredulity - and if our roles were reversed I would probably feel the same way that you do.  So _you_ need to understand thatI can't convey any of this to you in a way thatyou will understand in a page or ten.  You believe that what I have put forth is pretty much impossible.  Well if it _is_ possible, the you have to be able to imagine how complex it is - and it is so complex that no-one else had ever defined it.

Basically in order to change your mind (which you have pretty much defined as unchangeable) - to successfully convince you of the genuine scientific _value_ of the Nitrous/LSD experience (in _words_) - I would pretty much have to do the impossible (hence your disbelief in the possibility).  And I'd be doing it _without_ hard 'proof'

So even if it takes 30 or 40 pages (for the very condensed version), and you read it all, and come out the other side having revised your opinion - then I think that your conversion would, for me, constitute proof  )

ButI really don't want this to be a thread with an adversarial fglavour.  So farit has all been so poitive.  I would love people to keep feeling thatthey can talk about their experiences, no matter _how_ bizarre they might sound, without hesitation or shame.  That's the _point_ if this thread now.  It is hard for anyone to find _any_ words to describe the Nitrous state - almostnothing has been written about it.  

I find the passion in here wonderful - and I wouldn't like to see people couching their experences ion defensiveness.  Every Nitrous story is going to sound bizarre, unbelievable, and downright nuts - delusional - et al.  But that's totally cool, because I believe that therewill be others who can identify to the words - thatthe words wre justenough to spark their own experience.  

Maybe I can put my experiences into words - but I have been at this for decades - with expressing it as having been one of m the main goals.  But I think the defintion and description of this amazing experience will come together a lot faster if there are many of us with the same objective.  And as we validate one another  we may find a collective consciousness that can do way more than the sum of it's parts.

*most* of myGascid thought is in the areas of Psychology, 'Divine' experience, meditation/Yoga, Soul/Spirit, and so on (on the personal front)  On the scientifc front it is brain/mind understanding - using sensory stimulous to induce speciofic responses - mapping the brain/mind - reprogramming the subconscious/hypnosis, etc.

It is only in the scentifc area thatI am everlikely to create proof - the personal side will always be that - and 'divinity' cannot be proven - faith is the one area n which we are allowed to be mad.

So I will get to the proof part - or at least explaining what I have been *doing* - or attempting to do - and then with  the various levels of success that I have had.  It should at very least show you that I am not justliving in a world of nonsensical delusions - but have actually been conducting valid research in the area of brain/mind/spirit, following the cientific method, with a clear agenda and briad set of rules and conditions.  This stuff is the very essence of whatit seems you were asking of me.  Not to provide proof as such, but simply to convince you that these are not just the nonsensical ramblings of a madman.

I'll do it - But it will have to wait until I have remembered a lot more of it.

I get where you are coming from completely - but an adversarial stance is not the one I want to write from, so I think I am going to spend the next couple of posts gushing with the restopf the loonies.

Peace,

TMP


----------



## rolls_

edit: I missed the paragraph where you explained all that, I'm looking forward to reading your material!

But yes I do not need proof, I just want to read the things you believe you have discovered and learnt about, proof is not necessary.


----------



## motiv311

I used to do nitrous daily for about six months. . . Its bad for your nerves, your back will ache, your head will feel dull. and it will be awhile before (if) you recover.


----------



## passionatlycurious

sonic reality thats pretty refreshing to hear your story i had a similar experience which involved some nakedness lol.  I am still working on integrating my experience and people like you and The Merry Prankster give me confidence to face my fear of my true self, and for that I thank you.  Bluelight really does have some beautiful people, thank you everybody for sharing


----------



## passionatlycurious

and btw Merry Prankster, if you ever wrote 40 pages I would gladly read all of them and give it my best effort to keep an open mind...shoot Id read 1000 pages!  You are a very talented writer and if anyone can get close to providing proof my bet's on you


----------



## DiGiTaL-CoRRuPTioN

Wish Lyrica was cheap hey


----------



## DiGiTaL-CoRRuPTioN

Nitrous is not only always amazing, its just everything about the ritual. The memories of past nitrous experiences, the build up of that "pattern" or patterns. the way you can do 10 bulbs in a row and screw them into the syphon using completely lightning fast accurate ninja skills.. the hissssss that even starts a memory psychois and hypnotism.. the taste.. the seizure/black out..

One bulb on DXM or Ketamine is all you really need to kick it right in.. you pretty much forget about bulbs once you've had one or two unlike when sober, stoned or tripping or on MDXX.. you just keep having ten's in a row until you are out.

The knowing on it is pretty scary sometimes. especially when you're doing it with someone else and you accidently read each others thoughts through vibrations and very small patterns someone sober would not notice. I always found it to be some type of learning state drug.  Like you're building another you inside of you. Your first bulbs are your birth of this alternate you. And it progresses and progresses.. normally into something intelligent matematically, but not verbally or physically, which SUCKS. And normally this alternate you is totally frigging insane.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

passionatlycurious said:


> and btw Merry Prankster, if you ever wrote 40 pages I would gladly read all of them and give it my best effort to keep an open mind...shoot Id read 1000 pages!  You are a very talented writer and if anyone can get close to providing proof my bet's on you



Thank you!!  It's people like you that have really inspired me to  make the effort to write about this stuff.  It's really motivation to have people that actually *want* to read my posts - despite the length of some of them.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

DiGiTaL-CoRRuPTioN said:


> Nitrous is not only always amazing, its just everything about the ritual. The memories of past nitrous experiences, the build up of that "pattern" or patterns. the way you can do 10 bulbs in a row and screw them into the syphon using completely lightning fast accurate ninja skills.. the hissssss that even starts a memory psychois and hypnotism.. the taste.. the seizure/black out..
> 
> One bulb on DXM or Ketamine is all you really need to kick it right in.. you pretty much forget about bulbs once you've had one or two unlike when sober, stoned or tripping or on MDXX.. you just keep having ten's in a row until you are out.
> 
> The knowing on it is pretty scary sometimes. especially when you're doing it with someone else and you accidently read each others thoughts through vibrations and very small patterns someone sober would not notice. I always found it to be some type of learning state drug.  Like you're building another you inside of you. Your first bulbs are your birth of this alternate you. And it progresses and progresses.. normally into something intelligent matematically, but not verbally or physically, which SUCKS. And normally this alternate you is totally frigging insane.



Beautiful!  You really nailed an aspect of it that is absolutely huge, in just a couple of short paragraphs.  It's funny - trying to convince someone of the validity of what you just wrote here would be really hard - but having experienced this many, many, many, many, many, many times, recognizing the truth of it is simple.  Pattern recognition is a huge factor in understanding the experience.

When I failed to be able to provide some tangible proof  to validate the essence of the Nitrous experience, I found myself getting stuck.  I wanted to move on with the theoretical constructs in an attempt tp contextualize the experience, but often it meant taking a 'leap of faith' - believeing - or accepting as a given belief or an aspect or group of beliefs - something that I could not 'prove' even to myself.

When faced with an aspect of 'faith' it always came down to  patterns, and the reliable repetition of those patterns across the specific Nitrous experience - but more importantly, across multiple experiences.  I would find that a group of thoughts would manifest themselves in the same way, every time that I did Nitrous, always leading to the same conclusions, often by a slightly different route.

There are things on Nitrous that I just take as 'given'.  If I get hung up on the thought or an attempt to validate it, I can lose my train - so I allow myself to be temporarily "off the leash".  If in order to construct a logical argument, I need to allow myself a little leeway on the plea of 'temporary insanity' - I'm OK with that.  Once I have concluded the thought, or group of thoughts, I can reflect upon it, add more weight to it's recurrance, eventually either dismissing it as erroneous, or embracing it as a personal truth - one that I can work with and which holds constant in my own psycho-spiritual realm - but which would quite possibly not stand up to the scrutiny of the scientific method.  I find that this way, I can expand on my personal philosophy, and can establish a set of rules and truths which allow me to further explore a world of impossibilities without the paradox of it rendering rational reason redundant.

I have to ;augh when I think of the early days, in whicfh it took the full might of my psychedelic experience and concentration, simply to change *one* of the bulbs while actively high on Nitrous.  In the years that followed I developed hand action that put me in a class with Billy the Kid - fastest  whippit in the west.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

sonic_reality said:


> wow great read man... was so good to see that someone has had similar experiences to me. i've had a few wild high dose lsd experiences, that led to my death(mayan day out of time, i was convinced that the party was the end of the world party, i was told by the spirits/god and also by everyone around me that i was dying/already dead), and eventually my rebirthing as the christ consciousness a few years later(after sharing the same consciousness as my girlfriend, i came out of the experience believing that i was the messiah, in fact, everyone was the messiah, and that for human kind to evolve further, we needed to devolve and get rid of what was holding us back, our clothes... needless to say, nakedness follwed). however i was never fully able to understand or grasp what had happened to me in those trips, i only had a slight understanding of what went on.
> 
> it wasn't until i fully started to get back into nitrous again after a few years off, and started to combine it again with acid, that i began to understand and *remember* what had happened to me in my previous trips. in the few moments(which felt like hours) that i was in the gascid realms, i was told what had happened, why it had happened and what lessons i was meant to take from it. hehe and then i too went down the same path as you, doing nitrous daily and combining it with acid, and then to the point of just doing nitrous on it's own, constantly, trying to understand more about the universe. i too also started holding my breath(balloons are nasty and when used constantly, lead to throat infections) on it for minutes at a time, trying to get as much out of it as i could. i think my worst period was going through 5 cases(36 boxes per case) in just over a week. it wasn't until my girlfriend stepped in, that i realised that i was not using it as a tool to learn anymore, i was using it to feed my addiction. and it was an addiction that was just as hard to kick as any other i have had!!
> 
> luckily i never got to the stage that you got, and have managed to get a grip on it. i still use it, but only for what i believe is it's intended purpose. i have been told and seen many things while under the influence of lsd and nitrous... and i fully understand what i have been told, but i am not able to get it across to anyone in any form that would make sense, so i do not even bother explaining it anymore. i now just sit back, knowing that the key is there!!
> 
> altho for me... i think my best ever combination, was combining dmt and nitrous, whilst on a high dose of lsd. i've done this a few times. pack the cone of dmt, and load 2-3 chargers. fully inhale all of the dmt in one clean hit, hold it in your lungs, and then exhale. before breathing in any oxygen, hit back the nitrous until it is finished. let me just say...... WOW  beyond explanation, i seriously have no words to describe what happened, apart from to say that i cried because what i saw was soooo beautiful!!
> 
> hehe so it was great to read your story and finally know that someone else has experienced what i experienced(even down to the bad trips that lead to your addiction), that i am not actually all that crazy for believing that there is so much more to nitrous and lsd than i think most people will ever know!!



WoW Brother!!!

This entire post could have been written by me.  One of the things I find sad is that back when I was doing what I was doing, there was no BlueLight or even Internet.  I so desperately wanted to *share* what I had discovered.  I believed in the validity absolutely, but I was so afraid of what people might think if I told them what I was doing.  I had discovered paradise - heaven on earth - what was for me, the most perfect the *ultimate* experience.

I can split the aspects of what Nitrous means to me across multiple domains - the full spectrum - from psycho-pharmacology to psycho-spirituality - with everything warm and human in between.  But when communicating about it, I have always temded to shy away from talking about matters spiritual, and attempyed to stick in the scientific realm.

But your mention of your Gascid use - and also your DMT experiencesmake me willing to be a little more open. I have tended to stick more to the realm of science as it is a lot more rational, and requires little or no faith.  

I would have to say that for me, my Nitrous, and _especially_ Gascid use have, over the decades that I have used it, always been _profoundly_ spiritual.  I do not like to use words like "God" - I do not like making explicit spiritual  connections in regards to _any_ drugs - psychedelic or otherwise.  In fact I struggled with it for many years - my faith and my reason at odds with one another - and what's all this faith crap anyway?

I intend to do my very best to pull whatever I can from my Gascid experiences and to try to describe some of them here in Bluelight, but I will be sticking as close to science as I can.   Spirituality is subjective and exists within ones own interpretation.  And while it may be of paramount importance to the individual, I am not into promoting religion - the opposite in fact. I had to chuckle at your self-purported Messianic phase - all Hail Sonic_Reality.

But I am going to summarize some things - and I am _not_ going to come back to them.  My spirituality, my 'religion' is of absolute paramount importance in my life.  It's absolutely *huge*.  And LSD and Nitrous Oxide are the _sacraments_ of my spirituality.  And as it is impossible to 'prove' spirituality, or the existence of a 'God' of any kind.  And it's moot - as it is purely a personal matter.

Even now, I struggle to write the words that follow, because I am loathe to speak them, but no matter how much my rational mind wants to deny it, I have experienced things that I *cannot quantify in terms of reason - yet which I cannot deny.  I have seen 'God' - I have _been_ God.  I have made love with 'God'.  My faith in the Divine is absolute.  The scientist and spiritualist in me struggled - at odds with one another for over a decade.  In the end I could neither prove, nor disprove my subjective experiences, and in order to end the battle I chose to accept my faith as my being at odds with it was holding up my scientific exploration.  And in the end - it's harmless.  If it turns out I am wrong, and that my subjective experiences were after all, simple hallucinations - then no harm done - they were thoroughly enjoyable.

Perhaps I am wrong, but I am guessing from the zeal with which you write, that you might have had similar experiences.  Have you sat at the throttle of absolute power and felt the universe to be entirely under your control - have you bathed in the omnipotence that comes from being the entire universe.  Have you sat down with the almighty, trading stories and having fun.  Have you experienced the humility of being the opposite - of seeing yourself as being the most insignificant speck of nothingness.

I guess in the Gascid Realm I am a devout disciple - but I have no need to explain it or justify it.  I put it out here, just so you know.  Gacid is Holy to me.  It forms a foundation of my personal faith.  But I have no need for validation from others - and I have no need nor desire to convert anyone else.

I mention this only because I thinkn that if you have not experienced what I have experienced, then you have at least the capability to _imagine_ it.

It was really nice to read your writing,  You share in common with me something that I share with almost no-one on the planet - something that has been of the most important stuff in my life - yet something which I have barely ever even _spoken _ about.

LIke you - I reached a point of accepting that I knew what I knew - but I stopped even _trying_ to define.  I stopped trying to write it all down - and knew that I would remember it if the need ever arose.  Having found some people that are _capable_ of the understanding', I will at least be giving it a shot.

Thanks for sharing.

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

sonic_reality said:


> i have had interconnected acid and nitrous experiences with my partner, where we both went on the exact same journey, and came out learning the exact same thing(to the point of finishing each others sentences when explaining it to each other). plus so so much more!! hehe all a mish mash of experiences, but there is so much more to each of them than what i just said. but to explain it to anyone, it is almost like i would have to learn another language to properly explain the things that have happened!
> 
> !



Interesting that you had this experience with your partner.  I was not able to get either of my wives at the time to take the journey with me - although they both did try it (and found it too overwhelming).

But I had a girlfriend for a few years with whom I was totally connected - we did DMT together as well as Gascid.  One of the Gascid experiences was very interesting, as we shared the same 'vision' (hallucination, if you will).  We were both really high, and both experienced being somewhere else, and there were children playing.  When we described it - we found that we were in the same place.  I think that this was likely telepathy, as I find Nitrous to be extremely powerful telepathically - and I've had a number of absolute telepathic experiences - specifically with this girlfriend.  There were times on Gascid when I would hear her say things in her head before she said them out loud - I could actually hear her _thoughts_ as she thought them - and then heard them again as she said them out loud.  Curiously, the voice that I hard was slightly different to he spoken voice.

I think one thing worth mentioning - if I haven;t already - is that For me Nitrous and Yoga are seriously connected.   I use Nitrous as a tool for Yoga, and as each Nitrous (Gascid) session unfolds - it unfolds to a fairly specific Yoga routine, and the flow of mental/psychological/emotional phases that I go through make up a 'form' - kind of like a Kata in Karate.

I don;t know how to express this stuff either - although I did spend a long, long time trying.  I still have many of my notes and video diaries.

I would really enjoy trying to maybe stimulate one another's memories, as you seem to be into it in much the way I am.  You should know by now that you can say anything without concern that it would be received the wrong way.  I applaud any _attempt_ to descibe Gascid or Nitrous.  I believe that it is possible that we have experienced a great number of similar experiences, we have the potential for forming a yardstick - a reference that we could use to compare notes.  One of the toughest things about expressing the Nitrous experience is having no frame of reference - nothign to compare it to.  Maybe you want to start a separate thread - or communicate through the PMB - I am open to suggestions.  I'd really like the chance to talk with someone else about this stuff.  The real drag is that I have not been able to get Nitrous for a few years, and my memories _really_ need stimulating.

I'm open to suggestions.  It's hard to find the time to write, though, and I am also trying to work on a book.  Part of it will be a series of trip reports - aand I am working on two of them (first draft almost done) - one pertaining to my first DMT experiences, and the other to do with Performing music on LSD.

I look forward to your future posts.

TMP


----------



## nopipesdfw

TheMerryPrankster said:


> WoW Brother!!!
> 
> This entire post could have been written by me.  One of the things I find sad is that back when I was doing what I was doing, there was no BlueLight or even Internet.  I so desperately wanted to *share* what I had discovered.  I believed in the validity absolutely, but I was so afraid of what people might think if I told them what I was doing.



I can only imagine, discussing this to actually make sense seemed to be mechanically designed to be highly problematic to impossible to describe as my perspective, even to those around me who were also trying nitrous and psychedelic combinations for prolonged periods. 

I had seen your thread before I seriously got into all of that along with BL as a whole, I had also been using other lone psychedelics for years in big doses, but jeez, putting together what happens and what doesn't every time was so much... I can't imagine that with no serious references to this simple molecule even being around on the topic.


----------



## DiGiTaL-CoRRuPTioN

I remember when I first started doing a lot of nitrous.. a friend and I started going up "levels" we called them.

Level One was just the pass out / muscle contraction/seizure stage where you lose consciousness and talk to something that isnt there or see and hear a bunch of people that are listening and watching you that arent there, right in the room you are in. And you always feel like someone is messing with you

Level Two was the purple dot matrix grid pattern network.. these purple dots would start from a green and red pattern of dots and spinning circles (i called them the flower of life lol) and align themselves into some sort of mathetmatical pattern linked to your surroundings and your internal thought process and what seemed like an external consciousness, yours, or shared.

Level three was when all those purple dots would tart spinning around in 1000 layers of paralax and you're spinning through a worm hole and arrive at some type of alien place which was a total hallucintion, a lot like a K hole. but in reality you just don't know you're squinting your eyes and only seeing a tiny bit of light through while sitting in the dark and your mind is making up the rest of the room you're in from your subconscious.. I would always goto an egyptian type building or roman buildings with these big pillars and stairs.

Level 4 is revisiting a past nitrous memory, but BEING in that memory and feeling like you're in control of your motor actons but its just an exact re-enactment of what youve done maybe half a year ago. for example once this happened was after a rave I had munched some PMA+ MDMA pills (yellow stars 05-ish) and some R-MDA. We were getting stoned in a Ford Falcon in some suburban street at about 5.30am. I had a few bulbs in a row and m vision went totally black and i was consumed by intense psychedelic rainbow colours, heading down a tunnel. then I land inside a memory of me inside a Holden Commadore car (my other friends) in a park that is 100km+ away... My friend of the current has dissapeared from the drivers seat. I was touching th steat and his body wasnt there and I could feel the other cars empty drivers seat. The stereo ha changed into the other ca from another memory, and so had everything else. then I look outside and its getting pretty early in the morning and I see a table that belongs to this park that is 100km away, which I KNEW i was in.. somehow..

To prove to myself and my friend in the back I was transported back in time (i know.. delusional right) i jumped out of the car and ran towards the table to slam my palms on it over and over saying IM IN THE PARK IM IN THE PARK!!.. The  I came to on my feet and I was hitting the air (which seconds ago felt like a real solid object) in he middle of the road with some 80 year old man staring at me from the driveway of his house.....  these kind of trips happened a few times but I can never get back to them now as I simply just try to screw in a new bulb cartridge and while doing so lose concentration that I am trying to hold my breath!.. Now I need someone to feed me them, but me and my friend who did them the most like to mess with each other to make our trips more intense. By doing things like when feeding each other 5 bulbs in a row, steal one and mis count the 3rd one, but while theyre bulbing out having a bit of a spaz. place it near them somewhere and when they stop having some sort of paranoid deluded drug induced spiritual seizure (yeah sounds real mature hey??) Then the other person will ask "wait did i have 4 or 5?", then you just pretend to be "caught" and bring up another subject or whistle or make a noise.. building the tension until some sort of subconscious argument and forced faces were done to each other for a pack of bulbs.. then say to the other person oh by the way u dropped a bulb.. its down there near that lounge.
It was always done to make the experiments different.. not to actually steal or anything.. with dissociatives there is no equal ego like LSD. There are times when you are just forced to think you have travelled further than the other person, or times when you feel they know something about you or your trips and are "above" in the game...   Then again i think me and my friend are just messed up in the head.. because the way we get messy and want to travel right into insanity, no one understands, and 99.9% of people that would get into those states we "achieved" would never ever want to go back there again, but we wanted to every weekend even though it was scary territory.

..
Anyway after a little while we stopped counting levels because we realised it was infinite and the game of nitrous can never be completed because its memory loss which your brain would always make up the holes in the memory of the experience, it was just really hard to know if it did them in real time, or more like a dream you have a bit of memory of but your mind makes up the gaps when youre awake (but it all still melds together and seems right).


now im just talking crap though....
i couldnt begin to write the insanity nitrous put me through.
the ups the downs, the personalities the different realities.. its not a trip, you dont trip from nitrous or ketamine.. its an absolute rollercoaster adventjah!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

DiGiTaL-CoRRuPTioN said:


> I remember when I first started doing a lot of nitrous.. a friend and I started going up "levels" we called them.
> 
> ...



Hey - great start!  Nopipesfw mentioned the absolute lack of _any_ kind of definitive reference for the Nitrous state, and it's true.  WHile Nitrous is one of the oldest mind altering molecules known to man (it was around in the 1800's), and yet it probably has the _least_ information written on it of all psyychedelics or dissociatives - for obvious reasons.

Unfortunately the Nitrous that I ordered online was _not_ the real thing - I was _so  _pissed off.  The problem is that despite the fact that I have been doing Nitrous and Gascid for 30 years, I still need to get Nitrous if I want to remember the bulk of it.

However, I think that if we continue to communicate on this, we have a real possibility here to do something.  Your mention of the 'Levels' is for sure one of the most findamental aspects of the experiencs, and I certainly have a _lot_ tpo add on that front.  A few other things you said sparked memories of my own as well, and I am sure that when I write a response, some of what I say will spark _your _ memories too.  This way, perhaps as more people contribute, we can come up with a 'collective consciousness' refernce - and the _really_ good thing about this is that this way we only get the common denomenators - we can extract a lot of the ersonal individual responses that are not things that can be descibed as universal effects.  I find this really exciting - and will respond to this post shortly.

I have - through using a sort of scientific method of sorts, also found many other things that may or may not be real.  These are conclusions (or theories) that I have come to after years of having the same thing happen over and over, and over the years and different scenarios in which I did it, come up with a number of hypotheses on the subject.  Much of it is based in science - (gravity, light, other universal forces), but there tends to always be a psychological of metaphysical side to it that while seemingly unrelated, have turned up together too many times for me to dismiss.  I find that on Nitrous/Gascid the universe can reveal itself to you in comparatively extremely simple terms, and that these 'explanations' tend to be formulae that explain not only about individual facets, but also other things (like the algorythm covering the emergence and evolution of DNA might be the same algorhythm that explains sight - and how photons morph into rocognizable patterns that enable us to walk around without bumping into things.

One thing that is *HUGE* about the Nitrous experience is Sound.  I find Nitrous is to SOund as LSD is to Sight.  And I have studied this hugely and find that on Nitrous, as on Ketamine, I got to a point where I could both hear and _control_ my brain waves.  This all linked into my hypnosis experiements on Nitrous, as I was able to use this ability to hear and control my braionwaves to induce very specific levels of trance.

The ste and setting for almost all of my Nitrous/Gascid use has been Yoga (extending into dance (at least using LSD in combination, as it keeps your consciousness above the deep sunconscious Nitrous state.

I've also found Nitrous to be an _amazing_  psychological drug - and the stuff that comes to mind is not random - there are patterns in the thoughts, about which I have several theories.  I have learned _so_  much about myself through the experiences, and have had the ability to recall many lost childhood memories and incidents.  

I have also had  the subjective experience of living past lives (although I am wary about making such statements as they are insubstantial, and purely personal.  But they have felt very real, and have happened many times. I remember being killed many times, and remembered my death.  In these experience, I have very distinct memories of being killed by a sword stuck through my back - coming out of my chest.  The locations are always consistent.  I _also_ have recalled, very clearly and many time, both my own birth (I find the Nitrous experience to be a birth/death experience a lot) - and I have recalled _giving_ birth many time - which if true, would indicate that our eternal soul (if you believe in one) has no gender.

I also recall - on the Soul front - of many times encountering my 'Father'.  But this father was not my earthly dad, nor was it me I have concluded.  It seems more to be the original spirit that has travelled down with DNA through the many generations fo my ancestry - let's call it the common seed that was in all of us.  It has seemed to me that I have developed an actual relationship with this 'being'.

I have also had _many_ experiences in which I have encountered other separate entities to myself (something like the DMT entities, but somewhat more subtle).  One in particular was around a lot - and was, in my own mind, my 'Guru' - and it taught me menay things in life - usually related to being a better person than I was - a sort of Spiritual Guide.

I have encountered other 'beings' - some of which seem to occupy a higher position in the hierarchy of the spirit realm.  Every so often, I have been honoured to be in the presence of what I could only describe as 'God' - but not some vague inexplicable Christian version of God - but something that was most definitely conprehensible - and from which I always felt an absolute and eternal and powerful Love.

Then at times on my journeys, at the end of a 'Level' _I_  have actually _become_  this 'God' - as in been at the helm - occupied the top position of the hierarchy of eternity.  The phrase "Everyone gets a turn to be at the helm' made sense to me - like we are all part of it - and at different times we can get closer to the 'core' of the conscioiusness of the universe.  I have come to believe that this kind of meditation allows us to be more than we are at any time - indicatin that there is no linear or temporal journey for the spirit - but rather how close we are to the heart of the universe at any given time - and that Spiritual 'completion' is not a destination, but rather a path that we walk.  How broad that p[ath in depends on where we are at the moment.

All of this psycho-spiritual stuff is not something that I can in any way validate - and I will try to avoid mentioning in most of what I write on the subject.  But here are times when it will be too closely connected to the experience to completely ignore.  Just please don;t take me too seriously when I mention it - it's more in an effort to decribe an experience that to promote a belief.  Subjective, at the time, the words that I use to try and describe something manifest themselves in this fashion - the only way to convey _any_ kind of vaguely accurate concept.  I am _not_ delusional, and while I may accept some of my beliefs as being real, I always accept that I could be wrong.  The only way to have any reinforcement in this area is if there are more of us who have had common experiences - and who would use the same words to describe it.

Anyway - thanks - _really_ for making the effort.  If anyone knows how hard the expression of the Nitrous realm is, it's me - as I actively _tried _for over 20 years.  I still have a lot of my Nitrous/Gascid notes in storage somewhere - and I will do my best to find them, and posst any of the stuff that seems to make sense.

I'll respond to some specifics in my next posts.

Peace,

TMP


----------



## StonedNative

If the books at my school were this interesting i would have straight A's.
I really wish there was something they could do about your pain.
Good luck man,

 - StonedNative


----------



## nopipesdfw

Have you not had luck with any brand of nitrous oxide recently TMP?

Local headshops? creamright? Those are my two main sources and I have tried all of the modern brands that I can and from what I understand they should contain more ppm of n2o than medical grade nitrous oxide would have even with a pretty considerable amount of impurities present.

With a nice nitrous gun and a case, two or three consecutive lungs tends to pass me out, I have found it to be much more of a rush than dentist nitrous. (My wisdom teeth are coming out on friday, lol, I'm going to be getting a similar dose as to my first time at the dentist for such in middle school, I can't wait to see if it will still floor me the way they like to!)


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

nopipesdfw said:


> Have you not had luck with any brand of nitrous oxide recently TMP?
> 
> Local headshops? creamright? Those are my two main sources and I have tried all of the modern brands that I can and from what I understand they should contain more ppm of n2o than medical grade nitrous oxide would have even with a pretty considerable amount of impurities present.
> 
> With a nice nitrous gun and a case, two or three consecutive lungs tends to pass me out, I have found it to be much more of a rush than dentist nitrous. (My wisdom teeth are coming out on friday, lol, I'm going to be getting a similar dose as to my first time at the dentist for such in middle school, I can't wait to see if it will still floor me the way they like to!)



Yeah - WHippits that contain *pure* nitrous are *waaaay* more powerful than the dentist.  I have come to believe that this is because the gas is under pressure in the cream machine.  I used to get into loading 2 or 3 at a time.  I found that this increased the potency of the rush incredibly.

I have not had any luck.  I just ordered a bunch from a company called Best Whip.  I was *really* pissed when forstly I had to pay a huge COD charge, and then to find that they contain the same shit as the ones I can buy at the store.  it's just not worth doing.  I tried breathing *many* hits in a row without taking in any air.  If it were Nitrous I would have passed out after 2 or 3, but nothing. A mild Nitrous effect that gets replaced with a headache and bad taste.

I will keep trying - I *have* to find some.  It's just too important a part ofmy life tolose completely.

I think that when you do the Nitrous from tanks, you get a gentler high - but you are able to breathe fairly regularly from the cylinder and I'm pretty sure you can reach the same highs - just need a different breathing technique -not so much breath holding.

TNP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

StonedNative said:


> If the books at my school were this interesting i would have straight A's.
> I really wish there was something they could do about your pain.
> Good luck man,
> 
> - StonedNative



LOL - yeah - well at least we have Bluelight to post thoughts that are scholastically worthy, but societally unacceptable.

I do take pretty strong pain meds - they really help a lot.  Until two years ago I was unable to do so many things  - but I asm now living a fairly 'normal' life.  It camed with a pricetag that is physical dependance (and I have to admit in my case there is some psychological addiction too) - but both are a small price to pay for having my life back.

Thanks )

TMP


----------



## rolls_

TheMerryPrankster said:


> I find Nitrous to be extremely powerful telepathically - and I've had a number of absolute telepathic experiences - specifically with this girlfriend.  There were times on Gascid when I would hear her say things in her head before she said them out loud - I could actually hear her _thoughts_ as she thought them - and then heard them again as she said them out loud.  Curiously, the voice that I hard was slightly different to he spoken voice.



If you could replicate this you would be able to collect the $1 million prize that is being given away to anyone who can demonstrate psychic abilities, google for more details.

Regarding the pain meds, what do you have to take to keep it under control?


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> If you could replicate this you would be able to collect the $1 million prize that is being given away to anyone who can demonstrate psychic abilities, google for more details.
> 
> Regarding the pain meds, what do you have to take to keep it under control?



No freaking kidding!!  You probably meant it sarcastically, but the truth is I actually really _did_ spend _years_ actually trying to figure out not only telepathy - but telekenesis.  I believed (and still believe) that we are able to evolve much more quickly now - and with certain chemical aids, we might learn more about the universe on a personal level as we have through science and technology.  And it was something that was making real sense.  WHIle charing the concept makes me look like a flake, I know that if I shared my actual _thoughts_ that they would not be found in any way amusing.

And it a;so really _did_ cross my mind that if I figured it out I would become as rich as a... very rich person.

Anyway - I would be willing so say - for the first time ever to anyone (cause Iknow I can get away with being a lunatic in here), that if someone would come up with the money to fund the experiment - I am _certain_ that I could prove telepathy.  Id do it in a flash - it's something that I've been looking for for a long time.  There's a lot more to it than telepathy.  I have experienced other things that I believe could be corroborated through various existing technologies.

I've spent the last 30 years experiencing the same truth - I am pretty certain abouot many of my findings.  All I need is some Nitrous and a couple of willing witnesses.  Or a pile of money would attain the same goal.

Hey rolls - feel; free to ask questions or pick nits - it'll help inspire a coherent response

Peace,

TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

rolls_ said:


> Regarding the pain meds, what do you have to take to keep it under control?



I use Diliudid (HydroMorphone) in fairly hefty doses.  It's a good one cause it doesn't wipe you out like morphine does - nor does it have the constipation factor.  But it works well - and I like the buzz - which is a seriously double edged sword.  But I am better with it than without it - so I'm just greatful that it helps to the extent it does.  I have severe lower spinal pain, and _nothing_ would kill it when I'm in the wrong position.  But I am very active - and just accept that I have to have a few hours of intense pain in my life 4 or 5 days a week - and that I'm lucky that for the rest of it I feel pretty normal.

TMP


----------



## harvester

Fascinating thread that I've followed since before I registered. I'm interested to see if you find a good source for the whippets...please keep us posted.


----------



## BottleOfOxy

TheMerryPrankster said:


> But it works well - and I like the buzz - which is a seriously double edged sword.



^^damn... i feel the exact same way, it's like i'm off pain killer's and i'm in moderate-to-severe pain that i deal with, with weed and benzos (just because i'm scripted them as well), but it's like i'm either in pain or blowing roxi's..... vicious cycle.

on another note... i don't think i've posted on this thread since trying gascid (you guys inspired me 8) hahha ) because i just never really thought about the combo... but it's FUCKIN AWESOMEE, my best description would be that it is all the visuals of lsd intensified and quickened into that minute rush of nitrous....


----------



## DubNaut

great read and very well written, I am sorry for your pain.
this information is good, because the nitrous scene has been getting out of control and I know a lot of people who are still uneducated about this stuff even with the internet.

I wish I had access to that much cid tho


----------



## MrJones

Amazing read - it sounds as though this would be a phenomenal book, from both a story aspect and enlightening too. Hope that you can make it happen and will be avidly following.


----------



## foxyloxy55

That's insane dude, an amazing story. I love whippets, but I never liked them sober. I see them as pointless. I only use nitrous with MDMA, acid, or mushrooms. Nowadays that probably once every 3 months at most. My boyfriend and I got up to 50 in a night once and thought it was WAY to much. It just starts to give you a headache. Now we only do 12 a night max, and we stop doing them as soon as they don't feel awesome anymore. Seriously though, incredible story. I hope you are doing better. I didn't read much of the thread just the first post so I may have missed it but how do you feel? Are you feeling back to normal?


----------



## Lord

rolls_ said:


> You don't actually believe that you have been somewhere and seen these things do you? You realise it is just the intense complexity of your brain being broken down by the drugs and causing you to imagine intense things yes? That is why it is called a hallucinogen, because you hallucinate, nothing actually happens to you.



Whether or not it's real, it still happens in your head. There's no other known way, not by science, not by society, not by shit. There is absolutely no known way that you could experience something in a truly objective way. One way or another, it always comes down to your own physical head even if your soul travels.

But what I can say is that psychedelics trap you in your own head. Oh but if I had tried them I would've realized it's just the opposite XD'

No offense... it removes your ability to see objectively, which impairs your ability to realize that what you are seeing is subjective. It goes many layers deep, and to claim you can see through it (without extraordinary evidence) is nonsense. like... I SAW shit WITH MY OWN EYES!! lol. When you communicate with the godhead, the physical limits of your brain and the laws of reality are drastically altered. in your head. P.s. feeling objective does not mean you are, and feeling like you realize it one way or the other does not change anything.

Some tard is going to come up to me and tell me how wrong I am. Well guess what I am right not you.

Anyway, awesome report TheMerryPrankster


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hey All.

After an absence of several months I am back.  In March I was admitted into hospital, on the verge of death.  I developed and abscess on my spine, and went through the most excruciating month of my life. It was touch and go for a while.  I almost killed myself as the pain was more than I could bare - even with lots of narcotics.  The experience changed my life in so many ways. When I was released after 32 days, I spent another month in bed, just slowly recovering.  Myu healing will take about 6 months.  But I am alive, having once again, played roulette with my life, and having learned a lesson in a way I woud not wish on my worst enemy.  

I've missed bluelight, and hopefully, some of you will still remember me from last year. I am glad to be back.

tmp


----------



## InvisibleEye

Hi TMP, just want to wish you a good recovery and hope for the best. Good luck, and thanks for this thread.


----------



## Te0X2t

Thank you for this I will now respect both acid and nitrous more. Hope things get better for you tho man.


----------



## yucatanboy2

Dude, get better!!  Thank you again for your contributions to bluelight.  Take your time, rest and recover.  

Peace.


----------



## peacelovedope

Welcome back!!! I fondly recall reading your report when this thread was still young, and to this day I consider it to be one of, if not the best report on bl.  Hope you get to feeling better soon man, just keep truckin'.


----------



## Dimitri K.

SmokeTrails said:


> there is no way in hell i can read all of this


I read all,well most, of it. Interesting read. I've definitely noticed the potential for strong habituation with Nos. However for me, it is very easy to not do it at all but if I get going doing carts, I can't stop!


----------



## Alice Practice

I am someone who also took it too far with nitrous and acid. To this day of course there's surprising little out there on this and your story is by far the most remarkable. So is your perseverance. Several times, and I mean I never do this, I found myself exclaiming out loud. It's incredible to hear the thoughts of anyone who's been on the other side, let alone this deep. Man I hope you're still hanging in there. It would be an honor to talk sometime.


----------



## BishopsBishop

What a great read, very insightful. Keep i real tmp


----------



## BishopsBishop

Also, I've added a new entry for Gascid to UrbanDictionary, citing the original creator


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

BishopsBishop said:


> Also, I've added a new entry for Gascid to UrbanDictionary, citing the original creator



Which entry?


----------



## BishopsBishop

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gascid entry 3


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

BishopsBishop said:


> http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gascid entry 3



Thank You.  When I saw this message I went to the UD and looked for it, but found only one rather lame version.  I *thought* that you meant you had posted a new one, and was disappointed not to find it, especially as you had credited me with its coinage.  In my disappointment, I made my own entry, and after submitting it, realized that yours had simply not been updated yet as it said it could take a few days.  I did kind of like my descriptive sentence, though. 

So then today of course it all fits into place, your definition is now there, including the credit (and again thank you).

Of you're interested, here is the link to the very first time I actually used it online,about 10 years ago.  This was my *first* attempt to post a warning to all fellow Nitrous-Heads that there was an inherent risk to abuse.  And it was not until this post that I wrote about it again.

But here is the link to the first time I used it in public - under my then pseudonym "Adwin Save".

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=142

You can find this version of me in a number of online places - like http://www.myspace.com/adwinsave.

Thanks again - and if you like the music on MySpace, then you will *love* the FractalGod version of me here:  http://www.youtube.com/fractalgod

I started out as "Nomad" - and then went on to be AdwinSave, FractalGod and TheMerryPrankster (and TMP was born here in Bluelight)

)

tmp


----------



## Floating Zebra

Hey man! I hope you get better soon, i'm sure you will. Could you tell me a little more about your condition(your spine). I've heard, as im sure have you, that acid gets collected in and around your spine. And after a person like you has tripped as much as you have(an incredible amount), could you tell me whether your condition was acquired because of the accumulation of acid around your spine?
   I have immense respect for you, your report and all your psychedelic experiences and voyages(that iv read about), and cannot express my gratitude for such an amazing report through words. Take what you may from it. It is probably the best report iv'e ever read.

 Take it easy,
   Cheers


----------



## Floating Zebra

Amazing read man, loved it thoroughly. 

Take it easy


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Floating Zebra said:


> Hey man! I hope you get better soon, i'm sure you will. Could you tell me a little more about your condition(your spine). I've heard, as im sure have you, that acid gets collected in and around your spine. And after a person like you has tripped as much as you have(an incredible amount), could you tell me whether your condition was acquired because of the accumulation of acid around your spine?
> I have immense respect for you, your report and all your psychedelic experiences and voyages(that iv read about), and cannot express my gratitude for such an amazing report through words. Take what you may from it. It is probably the best report iv'e ever read.
> 
> Take it easy,
> Cheers



Hi - thanks for your kind words.  I can tell you *absolutely* that the thousand(s) of hits of acid I have done have done*absolutely* no physical harm to me.  LSD, while psychologically volatile - and can lead to serious psychosis in the wrong kind of user - does not cause physical harm (it is not toxic).  And as the dosage is *so* small (measured as we know in millionths of a gram), even a lifetime of collective *heavy* LSD usage still amounts to no more than maybe a quarter of a gram over like 30 years. 

So no - despite the fact that I have had a number of utterly horrifying and mind shattering trips, I fell that I have only benefited in every way from my acid usage.

It was the Nitrous that accumulated in my blood, leading to hypoxia (lack of oxygen) to my brain which caused the neurological damage.  Again though - in moderation, Nitrous too, is quite harmless.  

Peace,

TMP


----------



## Floating Zebra

Thanks for clearing that up. I heard a rumor, perhaps factual, that some of the LSD you take in, gets accumulated at the spine. I disregarded it at first, but then I read your post on your ill-condition, and began to wonder whether it was true; Must be just another rumor.

Cheers


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Floating Zebra said:


> Thanks for clearing that up. I heard a rumor, perhaps factual, that some of the LSD you take in, gets accumulated at the spine. I disregarded it at first, but then I read your post on your ill-condition, and began to wonder whether it was true; Must be just another rumor.
> 
> Cheers



There were so many horror stories about acid - especially in the 60's when the doses were a lot higher, and so acid was getting a much bigger headline than it does now - despite the fact that it is used more widely today than it was in the 60's.  One of these myths was called "The Great Chromosome Scare" when it became known that LSD can damage chromosomes.  However, the fear mongering headline failed to neglect that cigarettes damage chromosomes (a lot more than LSD), alcohol too, I think even coffee.

I consider myself to be fairly expert in the usage of LSD, and from personal experience I feel comfortable saying that it is a physically harmless drug - HOWEVER - the mind is a powerful thing, and while the LSD can;t really harm you - your own fears *can* - and a terrifying acid trip can cause very real physiological symptoms.  

All that I am saying is that acid is not toxic.  You cannot die from an overdose - not if you took 50 does, 500 doses or 5000 doses.  But you can most certainly go irrevocably insane....  )


----------



## longtimesunshine

wow, that's some fucked up shit! what a crazy story, but thanks for sharing. definitely puts nitrous in a different perspective for me so i'm glad to know there are boundaries to watch out for. sorry you had to go through such insanity but man, this is the kinda thing bluelight is meant for. way to give us other crazy, thrill-seeking, limitless, drug using morons a heads-up, seriously 

and now i must explore this "gascid" thing... :b


----------



## Nickelodeon

Excellent OP - there is so much Info here on BL that its like I find something new every time I use the search function.

I too have been heavily experimenting with Gascid, though my preferred name is Trippin Nangs. As LSD isn't always available, I have extended the experiments in to 2ci, 2ct-7, and 2c-e.

There is something clearly amazing with the combination, when combined with certain television programs, the results are astounding. I am with you when I can confidently say that It is one of the most supreme psychedelic experiences ever..... Lately I have been seeing Spirits and Ghosts appear whenever I have a T-nang...its like I can view the spirit realm....... I am always careful with my dosage though, I would never have more than 50 per week at the maximum....though there were times in my youth I was surrounded by peers who were having 50 per day.


Thank you for sharing your story....I would love to discuss further but I understand it may not be something you are fully comfortable with.....thank you for all you have provided so far.


Cheers


----------



## undisclosed

*Wow.  Just wow.*

I first discovered this thread after searching for more information following my first experience with a decent psychedelic (in my case it was psilocybin) and N20 combo.

I was so blown away by the experience and it was clear that the gas potentiated the effects of the psilocybin a millionfold.  A gazilionfold!  I can't describe (yet) how extraordinary an experience it was.  It was a total fluke as well, I have taken many, many different drugs over my 33 years and have taken N20 on numerous occasions as well.  I would normally have said "for some reason the two were never in the same place at the same time" but after an experience the other day I now know what that reason was.  I'll (try) to explain that later.  

I only skimmed the thread at the time, though I did read the entirity of the OP and knew that I would be returning someday to take part in this discussion.  It wasn't the right time for me to relate my experience as I felt it warranted further investigation and experimentation by myself and without too much external influence to cloud my judgment.  That was around a year ago.  I now feel the time is right.  I returned to this thread 2 days ago and have taken the time to read the whole thing in it's entirity.  Every post, every sentance, every word, every letter, every link.  

Firstly, to The Merry Prankster:

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from and your original trip report is, IMO, not only the best on bluelight it's the best on the entire internet.  Hell, it might even be THE best single thing on the internet!  After my initial fluke experience I wondered why I'd never heard of gascid (perfect expression!) before given my social circle and general disposition within the last few years to research what I was taking and to keep my ear to the ground for potential new and interesting experiments and how to carry them out (relatively) safely.  I want to thank you deeply, from the bottom of my soul for writing it as I think with absolute certainty it saved me from making the mistake you made.  If all you wanted was to help just one person avoid having to suffer your pain I can re-assure your mission was accomplished.  I know myself well enough that I would have gone off the rails with my new discovery and although I have done much investigation with it since, I heeded your warning and have kept my intake moderate.

Your story was engaging and utterly compulsive reading.  It's such a shame that your pioneering spirit has caused you such awful pain but knowing what I think I know now there will be a bigger reason for it than most people can imagine.  I suspect you do too.  I wish you every success in discovering methods that will help you manage your ailments, I know you won't ever give up so I just want to encourage you by saying I think the work you've done so far may be very worthwhile, possibly the most valuable so far in our species negotiating the next stage of evolution and of our understanding of the universe.  Yes, the un-initiated may think it's crackpot and I'm as aware as you that it very well might be a total red herring and we're running up a blind alley.  But we'll never know unless we try and I feel at the moment as if I've found my own truth and in what I've learnt from you so far I feel my truth at least broadly matches yours.

I hope that given further discussion with you and several others on here, we can "compare notes" and try as best we can to sort the fact from the fiction.  I'd love to work on a "how to" guide with everyone who has worthwhile experience with gascid - it's certainly not for everyone but I believe in spreading the word so that those who are adventerous and open-minded enough to want to try, can do so in much safety as possible.  I have so, so, so much more to contribute and feel certain there is even more than that for me to learn but this is all I have time for at the moment.

I will post again as soon as I can with more detail of my experiences and the theories I have formulated because of them.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

He - No am fine talking about it.  I find your mention of TV shows kind of curious. Are you talking about the stories - or the effects that the light from the TV has on you... )


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

)  Thanks for the very kind words.  It really does make me very happy to read comments like this one as when I posted the original, I wasn't sure if *anyone* was going to read the entire thing.  So I'm not only happy that so many did, but also thrilled at the amazing stuff that has come out of so many other people over the last ear or two.

I was in the very fortunate position recently to have come into possession of a tank of Nitrous and for the first time in a couple of years I got t revisit the realm that I love so dearly.  Unfortunately I didn't have any acid available, but I did do some mushrooms with it and a variety of lesser enhancements.  It took a while, but I ended up remembering so many of the deeper profundities of my formers journeys, and while the memories were buries pretty deeply - was able to recall some of the more profound moments of my life - and was able to remind myself that I am in fact quite sane - and that despite my overzealous attitude that caused me such an injury - I still have no regrets whatsoever over the fact that I explored my consciousness in this beautifully unique way.

I also came t see that the Truth that I perceive remains the same - despite the many different and diverse avenue that I have traveled over the years.  The recent experiences with Nitrous have definitely inspired me to write about it some more, because I know that over the years I created something that was more that just the synergy of the N20 and Acid.  The technology (mainly lights) that I introduced - the Yoga - the hypnosis - it all builds together to form a coherent place that I am able to re-create.  I had hoped that this would mean that I stored in my brain all of the memories and insights that I have experienced over the years, and that despite the fleeting nature of the  Nitrous experience, that I would be able to stimulate myself in remembering the important parts.

It's nice to know it's all still in there.  Definitely time for some of s to try and express is phenomenon...

Peace,

TMP


----------



## undisclosed

TheMerryPrankster said:


> He - No am fine talking about it.  I find your mention of TV shows kind of curious. Are you talking about the stories - or the effects that the light from the TV has on you... )



Although this reply isn't directed at me, the mere fact that I know you have probably have read my post by now despite not having posted on this thread for nearly a month is speaking VOLUMES to me.

I decided to check the thread just now (first time since I posted it) to see if I had a reply yet and PING - although I don't have one *[EDIT: I didn't have a reply at the time I wrote this, anyone only need look at the dates/times of postings to see how this would be possible]* I feel like I have been given a sign and that you will have read it by now.

Why did I sense that I would get a sign, that one would come before I actually got one?  Why did I have the thought to check the thread even when I knew it could be months or possibly never that it would have been seen by you?

Telepathy?  Jury is out on that one, it's making me suspect more and more that we could be on the right track though.  As ever, it could just be plain 'ole co-incidence.  I'm not getting carried away.  I admit to being excited though.


----------



## undisclosed

I feel the further need to state that I am definitely not high right now.  My last dose of gascid was over 2 weeks ago, I had about 7 or 8 hits of plain nitrous (single 8g canisters with long gaps inbetween) without anything else to _add_ to the experience, and the last of those was around 12 hours ago.

It could be nothing.  Something has spoken to me though.  As I write at the moment, I feel like this could form some part of a "live" ongoing journal for me.  If it bothers more people than it interests I will of course stop.

Perhaps what I'm saying will make more sense once I've posted my "trip report".  I use the term loosely, as TMP's trip report incorporates a decent chunk (not the whole thing, I know) of his life story.  Mine will be similar, it needs it, it's required to give it context.  I never would have had the confidence to even consider writing such a thing and sharing it with strangers if it hadn't been for TMP having taken the plunge.  Having seen the 99.9% positive reaction he has got has made me feel that it won't be such crazy thing to do.  I still have my fears but they are much less prevalent now and that's thanks to him having had the bottle to do it in the first place.

Thanks again TMP.  I _think_ you may be onto something.  I _think_ I might be onto something.  There are several others who I _think_ may be onto something.  We could all be wrong, especially me.  But if what I feel I have discovered is what I _think_ it is, it could be a small part of a story that will have profound effect on the future of humanity itself.  If what I have found, in _my truth_ turns out to be correct, I anticipate the concept will outlive me (I'm 33) and generally in excellent health.

Sounds crackers, I know.  That's why I have fears about sharing, because people will label me a madman. But every major movement, every major shift in thinking starts somewhere and it is always very small at the start.  As I said before, and I know from what TMP has already posted he also feels it may be completely and utterly wrong.  If you expect to see total definitive proof of the concept, as some have on this thread, I expect you will be disappointed.  I simply don't know for certain where this might lead or how long it will take to get there.  It might be the next few days.  It might be weeks, months, years, decades.  Most likely I think it could be 00,000's of years but I really do not know.  It will involve a lot of theory, a lot of conjecture.  Many will call it blind faith and I care not because it is _my_ faith.  I'm not talking about the dawn of a new religion, I am not "god" (such a simplistic term, but it will do for now) or his son.  I am related to He/She/It though, as are all of you.  This is the kind of idea that transcends organised religion to such an extent it would be an insult to attach the word "religion" to it.

I have no desire to be a leader, or to be followed or to form some form of psychedelic drug cult.  Anybody who wishes to join on this investigation is welcome.  Some will be open minded, some will be sceptical, some will be downright oppressive and resistant.  It doesn't matter at all, I have no interest to convert anyone, all are free to do as they wish.

Anyway, my "trip report" will follow.  I'm busy with many other things at the moment, it won't be long - it's very high up on my "to do" list.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hey - looking forward to to reading it.  I notice that you are doing what I did for so long (Am I mad - this may sound crazy - etc - analyzing and over analyzing everything that you are thinking about saying while trying to convince people to take you seriously, even though you know that once you put it into words it's going to sound so nuts that how could anyone possibly take you seriously but you are in fact serious so you'd better bleeding well convince the potential readers that tis is the case... etc.

LOL

All I can tell you is that the people who come here are mostly as crazy as everyone else - and that if ever there was a 'room' in which you could feel safe to remove all of you censorship blocks - this is it.  So I suggest that you just get on with it and post the report.  And if you come across as crazy, then you're in good company - so don;t sweat it.   And if you feel at a later point that you expressed something badly - you can always clarify the thought.   

No-one gets crucified on Bluelight...

)

TMP


----------



## undisclosed

Your words give me much comfort.

I can feel my confidence growing though I know I'm not quite ready to write that trip report yet.  If I can ask your advice, how did you work out what was relevant and what wasn't?  In some way, every experience and I mean EVERY experience I've had in life seems relevant, it all lead somewhere that guided me on this path, to this point.  So what am I supposed to do - spend the next half of my life writing it down all whcih went before?  What will you, me, anyone who might read this learn from that?  Could be a lot, could be nothing.

I feel like the knowledge I have been finally allowed to bring back from that other realm is shared with you.  I persisted for so long with trying to work out _how_ to bring it back, _how_ to remember what I'd learned.  As ever, I heeded your warning and have been cautious to try not to wreck my mind or body in the pursuit of my aim.

I worked out a way, I think, to draw what had hitherto seemed impossible into a context that us mere mortals could understand.  Again, I remind anyone who wishes to see total, empirical "proof" of what or where our shared future might lay to look elsewhere.  You just have to see for yourself I guess.  Between me, the TMP and anyone else who is open minded enough to want to investigate this further, I implore you to join.  We might create something more special than anything I'd believed possible.  Accept the idea that this "mission" (terrible term) will probably outlive you, those mere flesh and bones where your spirit is currently residing.  Your job is simply to discover as much as you can, while you can and to share whatever you learned with whoever wants it.  No-one is going to be forced to walk down a path which they do not want or are not ready to be led.  I believe the "spirit", or "conciousness" that is not yet ready to accept these possibilities will get there in the end.  Because this isn't a race.  We're all on the same journey, ultimately seeking the same goal.  So why climb over each other to get there when if we work as a team, if we co-operate and compare notes we can get all our "spirits" to a place of total acknowledgement and understanding that they are all destined for anyway?

I admit to being scared.  Some of the concepts I have been shown are startling and just so god damn "out there" that I am fully prepared to accept the possibility that I _am_ going mad.  Though I have tried to take account of TMP's warning perhaps I succeeded in the "physical" aspect of it yet failed in the mental?  Are we both just a couple of loons who've done far to many drugs to been taken seriously by anyone "sane" again?

It's all part of the big cosmic joke I suppose.

Time will tell.  And based on what I've seen, there's a lot of that to go around.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

What's mad, and what's sane?  If you can express your insane thoughts rationally, I think you pass - no matter what the thoughts might be (and as long as they are not thoughts of intent to injure anyone).

TMP


----------



## undisclosed

Tried, but I just can't write that trip report.  The reasons are many, I know TMP will understand as he clearly struggled with the same thing for many years.  I'm relatively new to this, I think his greater experience allowed him to find a way to overcome it.  I will learn that in time.

Instead, I intend to post regularly in this thread with tidbits of info I find until my post count is high enough to PM TMP <<< (I even wonder if that expression PM TMP might mean something?!).  I won't be spamming, I will try to keep everything relevant with the aim of furthering the discussion.

With that in mind, I'd been wondering whether this is all a religious question, a scientific one, a spiritual one, a philosophical one, whatever.  I feel it is all of them and none of them.  I read an interesting article today: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14417362.  Seems like an indication of an "evolution" of sorts in people's thinking, could be the dawn of a new "non-religous" form of religion.  Seems like a nonsense, contrary, unreal thing to try.

However, maybe like a sub-atomic particle, it can be both or it can be neither.  It can be one, or the other.  It can be all them at the same time.  At first glance it seems crazy but now clever people at particle accelerators and the like can demonstrate, by experiment that it is actually what _really_ happens and they can provide evidence to support it.  I can't provide evidence that what I've learned from the gascid realm is true _yet_, but neither could those clever scientists prove what they _thought_ was going on when they first started either.


----------



## candielle

I'm back TMP . Been fucking ages I know .. Need to go over this all again when i have more time. I am at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in Scotland atm .. I would love to base a play / performance piece on all of this ..  LOVE x


----------



## undisclosed

candielle said:


> I'm back TMP . Been fucking ages I know .. Need to go over this all again when i have more time. I am at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in Scotland atm .. I would love to base a play / performance piece on all of this ..  LOVE x



Just went and looked over your 1st post (with this, as I write now, being your 2nd).

SNAP!

I can now say for sure that there are at the minimum 3 people on this planet who have been to this other place and seen everything.  Me, you, TMP at the very least.  I strongly suspect that more will become apparent as this journey continues.  I notice from your style of writing, the previous comments about Glade and your mention of being at Edinburgh fringe that we probably live on the same island ;-)

So, if we were to ever meet, it likely would not involve travelling any distance that couldn't be done within a matter of hours.  That might be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, who the fuck knows?  No hurry.....  Will be looking forward to reading whatever you have to say on here until/if that happens though.  I'm looking forward to learning from you, from TMP, from myself and whoever else stumbles across this and has the same "PING!, lightbulb in head" type epiphany that we've had.  I'm looking forward to sharing your knowledge.  Thanks so much for posting.


----------



## undisclosed

Just discovered this thread: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/433210-Psychedelic-Ideas-and-Revelations-Inaction

Have only skimmed through the first page but it seems many, many others have had the same idea that has been bouncing around my head for the last month or so.  I feel less and less alone everytime I come here 

I'm off to read the thread in it's entirity, that obviously might take a few days given the length of it.  See you all soon


----------



## undisclosed

Im unsure whether to make this post here or in the "other" thread (above).  Decided I'd do both, post it here and there.  If this breaks some rule it wasn't intentional and I apologise in advance for any tidying up a mod needs to do.

I've started to write a book, I have no idea where these particular paragraphs might lay in the scheme of this "book" but it came from me and I'm putting it out there for others to enjoy, hate, ridicule, identify, whatever.  I really don't mind, people will make of it what they will, I'm just sharing it and I don't care about anyone's judgment.  Feedback will be most welcome, to be totally ignored will be just as fine 


This book is not written for monetary profit.  At most I imagine anyone who wants a copy will be asked for a voluntary donation and any profit from that will be directed at further research into attempting to prove the theories posited within these pages.  I expect this research will not be finished in my lifetime, at the time of writing I’m hoping that another person or group will find it interesting enough to want to continue it.  
 It is firstly written to help with my own happiness and journey through this life.  My happiness is impossible unless the people whom I know, love and respect the most are also happy.  I will do everything in my power to help these people be happy however I realise I cannot force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.  I can offer them help, support, guidance in whichever way I reasonably can, however each individuals happiness is ultimately down to them.  Every person has the freedom and power to do whatever they please.  All people must realise that every action has a consequence and one of the most confusing things about life is to always be doing what you think is right and with the best of intentions, yet things still go wrong.  This can lead people to believe there is no UC, after all, why doesn’t he reward people who always try to do their best?  The reason why things go wrong, why innocent babies die, why people commit murders, rapes, terrible crimes is because all spirits were created at the beginning of the creation of this universe (many others also exist now, have existed in the past and will exist in the future).  These conciousnesses or “spirits” all evolve at different rates.  Though two babies may have been born at exactly the same time, would that necessarily mean that they reach exactly the same point in their lives at exactly the same time?  Of course not.  The same is true of their spirit as it journeys through the astral plane. Some evolve faster than others, I don’t yet know when or why, I only know that it happens.  
All that we normally see is not all that is there.  
Ask yourself, do I have faults?  Do I have weaknesses?  If the answer to either one or both of these questions is genuinely no, then you don’t need this book because you have already reached a state of total enlightenment and are at peace with everyone including yourself.  You will have no desire which remains unfulfilled or isn’t obtainable at very short notice.  If this is the case, you may as well stop reading.  Now.  All you need to do is pass this book onto someone else who you think might find it helpful, after all complete happiness is impossible unless you are spreading the joy you have to others.  Whichever methodology you employed to discover your satisfaction, I congratulate you on finding it.
This book is not strictly going to be written by me, it is a collaborative effort which many people will have input.  Everything in this book is simply theory, I am not pronouncing it as fact it is simply what I believe to be true based on my own experience.  That is absolutely no 
The word “God” is in-appropriate when attempting to describe what I shall from now on refer to as the Universal Creator or UC for short.  In actual fact Universal Creator isn’t appropriate either, as He, She, whatever it is has so much knowledge and power and is so all-encompassing that a mere word doesn’t do it justice.  But at least the term “UC” doesn’t conjure images in other peoples heads of an old man with a white beard, stories or “guidance” from supposedly holy books such as the Bible, the Koran, the Torah or that of any other organised religion in the world today.
I realise that I’ll be pacing my journey through this particular life much better if I take the slow, stable way through the universe. I suppose like many people, drugs like nitrous oxide have made me aware that what we see and experience in everyday life isn't everything, and I'm grateful for that insight. I also feel that nitrous oxide, psilocybin, LSD, mescaline and the like (all of which I've tried at one point or another) exist only as signposts. The real journey has to be taken without jet fuel, it has to be taken a step at a time, using one's own feet. [adapted from a nitrous trip report on Erowid by “diogenes”.]
I will use drugs again but never for the purposes of hedonism or to attempt to block out pain.  They are only to be used as tools to aid my learning, and I understand my tools are delicate and fragile and over-using them will cause them to break.  Not only that, but going too far with them will leave me in a position un-able to access them through lack of money, damaged health or removal of my liberty by those who do not understand the path to ultimate happiness, satisfaction and enlightenment.  Psychedelic drugs are an aid to reaching a meditative state, not one of mental confusion where typically the only aim is to get fucked out of your mind.  This might make you think you are happy and having a good time but what is actually occurring is that you are falling for a chemically induced illusion.  It’s not real, all you are actually doing is blotting out the pain of your un-happiness.  Even when you think you are generally happy – you have a home, you have a car, you have a partner whom you love, you have nice “things” and you appreciate your situation is better than many others in this world you have to consider whether you actually are.  Although this life is extremely short when compared with the grand, universal nature of time, because time is relative it actually feels quite long to our consciousness when laid out over the course of an individual human lifetime.  Therefore, don’t panic and be in a hurry to achieve everything you want too quickly.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that action isn’t important – far from it.  The way to achieve what you want is moderate use of psychedelic drugs in order to problem solve and aid with decision making.  A key to aid entry into a meditative state.  Ideally, I would like to imagine a future where I have no need to consume anything at all in order to receive wisdom from the UC, at the moment I have no idea if this will be possible but it is my goal to try.  The answers you receive from the UC MUST be acted on, as constant thinking, only thinking achieves nothing.  People who only act yet never think fail.  People who only think and never act also fail.  All things that are good in life are about balance and it is by learning how to balance thinking and action that happiness can be achieved.

(Sorry if any of the formatting is bad, just c&p'd from word.)


----------



## FloridaDeathTrip

I knew when I was there I was not the only one who was there or had been there..The feeling I got was that time never ends and rather I was dead or alive it was all the same no matter what...

The thing that blows my mind about it all is that I knew it had been done before... I couldnt prove it.There was no way I was the first or only one to ever experiance this other place. 

This is all proof to me that that place was real... I fucking knew it...


----------



## undisclosed

Have discovered the works, thoughts and opinions of Stanislav Grof.  Really interesting stuff, so much of it parallels with what people are talking about here.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Impossible-Happens-Stanislav-Grof/dp/159179420X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top Seems a good book, will order it later today.

Youtube links featuring the man:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxtQ_3UveUE&feature=related [2012]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzG9QsM-Pw&feature=related [Holotropic breathing]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8U6oaFNts0&feature=relmfu[An Incredible Adventure 1/3]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbviJoQrAso&feature=relmfu [An Incredible Adventure 2/3]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvQbVktjTlo&feature=relmfu [An Incredible Adventure 3/3]

Many others of course, these are just the one's I've watched so far.  If anyone else finds anything of interest please post


----------



## undisclosed

This link is available elsewhere on BL but I'm reposting here as I feel it is so valuable.  Original link:http://www.erowid.org/psychoactives/writings/stolaroff_using.shtml

Whether you have been exploring psychedelics for many years or are only just starting to dip your toe in the water, this is very useful stuff, I implore you to read it.

Using Psychedelics Wisely
Myron J. Stolaroff
A veteran researcher explains how psychedelics can be used to give
beneficial results. From GNOSIS, No. 26, Winter 1993*.


MY WIFE JEAN AND I had driven several miles up the mountain to an elevation of 6000 feet a few miles south of Mount Whitney in California. We were about to meet Franklin Merrell-Wolff, author of the book Pathways through to Space, an impressively articulate and detailed description of a person entering a state of enlightenment and savoring it over several months. When we were ushered into his private office, we found ourselves before an outstanding personage who radiated a marvelous glow. When we had talked for a few minutes and I felt sufficiently at home, I spoke of our research work, telling him that we had spent three and a half years administering LSD, sometimes in conjunction with mescaline, to 350 research subjects and had published our findings in medical journals. "My oh my!" he said, looking at us with consternation. "I hope you haven't used these drugs yourselves." We admitted that we had. He continued, "According to X" (here he mentioned an Indian sage whose name I do not remember), "it will take you seven incarnations to recover from the damage of taking such substances!". Naturally I was upset, but I didn't think of the appropriate reply until we were driving back down the hill: "Never underestimate the grace of God!"

There is no question that psychedelic substances are remarkable graces. The farther one can reach into the vastness to be explored, the more one realizes how powerful these materials are. There seems to be no end to the levels of awareness that can be realized by those who use them to explore their psyches with integrity and courage. The great value in these chemicals is that, in some way still not scientifically explained, they dissolve the boundaries to the unconscious mind. They give us access to our repressed and forgotten material, to the Shadow that C.G. Jung so effectively dealt with, to the archetypes of humanity, to an enormous range of levels of thought, and to the wellspring of creativity and mystical experience that Jung called the collective unconscious.

At the heart of the unconscious is what many experience as the source of life itself, and which some call God. Those who have experienced this describe it as a wondrous, ineffable source of light and energy that infuses all of creation, embracing all wisdom and radiating a vast, unending, and ever-constant love. Immersion in this is the essence of the mystical experience and produces what the great mystics have described as the state of unity or oneness. Such union is the culmination of all seeking, all desire; it is the most cherished of all experiences of which man is capable.

Not all who ingest these substances can count on such revelations. In fact, psychedelics are powerful agents and can be misused. It must be remembered that they help reveal the unconscious, and most of us have made its contents unconscious for very specific reasons. We may not welcome the appearance of repressed, painful feelings, or of evidence that our values and lifestyles might be considerably improved. Nor is it always easy to accept the spaciousness of our being, our immense potential, and the responsibility that these entail. We may also refuse to believe that we are entitled to so much beauty and joy without paying any price other than being ourselves!

To assure a rewarding outcome, let's look at some factors that should be taken into consideration when using these materials. I must add here that in no way am I encouraging the use of illegal substances. I do hope, however, that greater understanding of these materials will help restore an intelligent policy that will make further research possible. Here are some things that will help ensure beneficial results:


SET AND SETTING

Set and setting have been widely recognized as the two most important factors in undertaking a psychedelic experience. Of these, set has the greatest influence. As the drug opens the door to the unconscious, huge spectrums of possibilities of experience present themselves. Just how one steers through this vast maze depends mostly upon set. Set includes the contents of the personal unconscious, which is essentially the record of all one's life experience. It also includes one's walls of conditioning, which determine the freedom with which one can move through various vistas. Another important aspect of set consists of one's values, attitudes, and aspirations. These will influence the direction of attention and determine how one will deal with the psychic material encountered.

In fact, one can learn a great deal by accepting and reconciling oneself with uncomfortable material. Resisting this discomfort, on the other hand, can greatly intensify the level of pain, leading to disturbing, unsatisfactory experiences, or even psychotic attempts at escape. This latter dynamic is largely responsible for the medical profession's view of these materials as psychotomimetic. On the other hand, surrender, acceptance, gratitude, and appreciation can result in continual opening, expansion, and fulfillment.

Setting, or the environment in which the experience takes place, can also greatly influence the experience, since subjects are often very suggestible under psychedelics. Inspiring ritual, a beautiful natural setting, stimulating artwork, and interesting objects to examine can focus one's attention on rewarding areas. Most important of all is an experienced, compassionate guide who is very familiar with the process. His mere presence establishes a stable energy field that helps the subject remain centered. The guide can be very helpful should the subject get stuck in uncomfortable places, and can ask intelligent questions that will help resolve difficulties, as well as suggesting fruitful directions of exploration that the subject might have otherwise overlooked. The user will also find that simply sharing what is happening with an understanding listener will produce greater clarity and comfort. Finally, a good companion knows that the best guide is one's own inner being, which should not be interfered with unless help is genuinely needed and sought.


MOTIVATION

This is extremely important. Those who earnestly seek knowledge and deeply appreciate life in all its forms will do well. Yet certain characteristics of psychedelics make them very popular for recreational use. The most attractive of these is their great enhancement of sensual responses, which offer heightened perception, amplification of beauty and meaning, and intensified sensual gratification. Psychedelics can also generate a great sense of closeness among participants, especially in a group setting. While I am convinced that one of the great cosmic commands is "Enjoy," there are traps in using these substances purely for recreation. The first is that a person seeking the delights of the senses may find himself overwhelmed by the eruption of repressed unconscious material without knowing how to deal with it. Another danger is that constant pleasure-seeking without giving anything back to life can distort the personality and ultimately produce more discomfort. The safe, sure way to rewarding outcomes with psychedelics is through intelligent, well-informed use.


HONESTY

For the serious spiritual seeker, or for that matter anyone seeking knowledge, the single most important characteristic is honesty. This means the courage to look at whatever is presented by the deep mind, the ability to admit one's shortcomings when they become apparent, and the determination to change one's behavior in line with the truth one has experienced.


ONGOING DISCIPLINE

Experts in the field now generally agree that it is wise to conduct psychedelic explorations within the framework of a spiritual discipline or growth program that will continually call attention to fundamental values and goals. A good discipline will outline a body of ethics for personal behavior that will support the changes required. Good ethics will also help us stay clear about our objectives, and will keep the door open to increasing depths of experience. Moreover, there is evidence to suggest that the more we are prepared to pass on to others whatever spiritual largess we have accumulated, the more we will be given.

For myself, I found training in Tibetan Buddhist meditation a potent adjunct to psychedelic exploration. In learning to hold my mind empty, I became aware that other levels of reality would more readily manifest. It was only in absolute stillness, accompanied by a special, highly developed quality of listening, that many subtle but extremely valuable nuances of reality appeared. While I achieved this to some extent in ordinary practice, I found this effect to be greatly amplified while under the influence of a psychedelic substance. This in turn intensified my daily meditation practice.


PSYCHEDELICS AS WAY-SHOWERS

The role of psychedelics is often misunderstood. Many feel that having had wonderful experiences, they now have the answers and are somehow changed. And no doubt in many respects they are. But users often overlook the fact that there are usually heavy walls of conditioning and ignorance separating the surface mind from the core of our being. It is a blessing that psychedelics can set aside these barriers and give access to our real Self. But unless one is committed to the changes indicated, old habits of personality can rapidly reestablish themselves.

At this point many feel that repeating the experience will maintain the exalted state. It may, but most often real change requires hard work and dedicated effort. Unfortunately this is not always clear during the experience itself; it has merely pointed the way and shown what is possible. If we like what we see, it is now up to us to bring about the changes indicated.

There is a grace period following profound psychedelic experiences when changes can be rapidly made. At this time one is infused with the wonder and power of the new information. Moreover—and this is an area where some valuable research can be done—the drug experience releases a great deal of bodily and psychic armoring that is tied to our neuroses. This rejuvenation is quite noticeable after a good psychedelic experience, when, without the dragging weight of physical habit patterns, behavior can be more readily changed.

On the other hand, if you make no effort to change, old habits rapidly reassert themselves, and you find yourself sliding back into your previous state. In fact, it can be worse than before, because now you know that things can be better and are disappointed to find yourself mucking around in the same old garbage.

Another factor makes this process even more uncomfortable. A lot of the energy formerly tied up in repressed material is now released. This energy may be used quite fruitfully to expand the boundaries of your being to the new dimensions you have experienced. But if you return to old patterns of behavior, you now have more energy to reinforce them, making life more difficult. For this reason, these experiences must not be taken lightly, but with serious intent.


DEALlNG WITH THE SHADOW

As Jung indicated, the Shadow holds all the material that we have pushed aside so we can hide from ourselves. Unfortunately, it also contains much of our energy, and as long as it is unconscious, it exerts a powerful influence on our behavior without our knowing it. Furthermore, Shadow material is responsible for most of the difficulties humans create in the world. We project our Shadow onto others, believe those others to be the source of our difficulties, and seek refuge from them rather than taking responsibility in our own hands. Consequently we must resolve Shadow material if we are to develop. If this were accomplished on a widespread basis, it would be a major benefit for the world.

Jung describes human development as the process of "making the unconscious conscious." Psychedelics, particularly in low doses, can be an extremely effective tool in this process. The bulk of my experience is with the phenethylamine compounds, which remained legal longer than the standard psychedelics such as LSD, mescaline, and psilocybin. Whereas a full dose of a phenethylamine like 2C-T-2 or 2C-T-7 might be 20 milligrams, a low dose would be ten or twelve milligrams, or roughly equivalent to 25-50 micrograms of LSD.

The most infallible guide to Shadow material is our uncomfortable feelings. Many do not like to use low doses because these feelings come to the surface. Rather than experience them, they use larger doses to transcend them. But these uncomfortable feelings are precisely what we must resolve to free ourselves from the Shadow, gain strength and energy, and function more comfortably and competently in the world. By using smaller amounts and being willing to focus our full attention on whatever feelings arise and breathe through them, we find that these feelings eventually dissolve, often with fresh insight and understanding of our personal dynamics. The release of such material permits an expansion of awareness and energy. If we work persistently to clear away repressed areas, we can enter the same sublime states that are available with larger doses—with an important additional gain. Having resolved our uncomfortable feelings, we are in a much better position to maintain a high state of clarity and functioning in day-to-day life.

I would also like to add a word about frequency: Individuals vary greatly in their frequency of use of these materials. Some are satisfied with an overwhelming experience which they feel is good for a lifetime. Others wish to renew their acquaintance with these areas once or twice a year. Still others are interested in frequent explorations to continually push their knowledge forward. Regardless of the frequency, it is wise to make sure that the previous experience has been well integrated before embarking on the next one. Early in one's contact with these substances, where there is a wealth of new experience, this may take several months. As one becomes more experienced, the integration time grows shorter, and the interval between trials may be shortened.

Many stop the use of psychedelics when they feel they have learned what they wished. But often it is likely that they halt because they have hit a deeply repressed, painful area that is heavily defended. The issue goes beyond purely personal material, however. One is unlikely to reach full realization without awareness, not merely of one's own pain and suffering, but of that of all mankind. This may help explain the Dark Night of the Soul, which is the final barrier to mystical union described by Evelyn Underhill in her classic book Mysticism. Since we are one, we must not only confront the personal Shadow, but the Shadow of all humanity. We can do this more readily when we discover the ample love that is available to dissolve all Shadow material.


FREElNG CONSTRlCTED AREAS

There is another way in which psychedelics can serve the serious seeker. It often happens that those pursuing rigorous spiritual disciplines achieve elevated states by pushing aside or walling off certain aspects of behavior. With honest use, psychedelics will not permit such areas to remain hidden, but will insist upon their surfacing. One then experiences the great relief of being in touch with all aspects of one's being. The joy and thrill of being totally alive come from having complete access to all of one's feelings.



THE TRAINED USER

There appears to be a cosmic law that says that giving our complete attention to an object, image, or idea with constancy, patience, and acceptance will allow its different attributes to unfold. Psychedelics greatly accelerate this process. To operate most effectively, the observer must have developed the ability to hold his mind steady so he can watch the process develop. Large doses can push one so hard that it is most difficult to do this. Therefore the best results are achieved by a "trained user"—a person who has learned to manage high doses of psychedelics, or who has learned to hold his mind steady enough to observe his inner process competently. As a user clears up his "inner stuff," he gains more freedom in directing his experience. At this stage, higher doses can be profitably used to penetrate deeper into the nature of Reality.

Interestingly, this concept of the trained user does not appear in the literature. But it is precisely the trained user who can best take advantage of the unfathomed range of wisdom and understanding contained in the far reaches of the mind. There seems to be no limit to the dimensions of understanding that can be experienced by the explorer who has the courage, integrity, and skill to navigate them. With integrity, and with the support of appropriate disciplines and friends, one can bring back a great deal for the betterment of oneself and mankind.

Are psychedelics necessary? Can't these same explorations be conducted by those who have mastered the skills of meditation? No doubt they can—with an enormous investment of time and effort. But it is unlikely that many Westerners will be willing to make such a commitment. For Western seekers, whose spiritual practice must usually be integrated with making a living, the proper use of psychedelics can considerably accelerate the process. However, it is not a path for everyone. Choice should be based on full knowledge of the factors involved.

Psychedelics are not a shortcut, as it is of little value to sidetrack important experiences. If enlightenment requires resolution of unconscious material (and my personal experience indicates that it does), those who aspire to such achievement must carefully consider the pace and intensity with which they are willing to encounter this vast range of dynamics. The psychedelic path, while much more intense than many other disciplines, is in a sense easier because it often provides an earlier and more profound contact with the numinous. Such contact inspires commitment and opens the door to more grace in surmounting uncomfortable material.

If our commitment is truly to the well-being and happiness of all sentient beings, then it is reasonable to study all useful tools for accomplishing these ends. Psychedelics, used with good motivation, skill, and integrity, can contribute much toward easing the pain and suffering of the world while giving access to wisdom and compassion for spiritual development.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi All,

A storm took down my Internet for a full months - I have only *just* got back online.  But I will be starting to post again shortly - this will be the start of the responses to the many requests I have had - even in recent times - to continue and expand on my gascid experiences and environment.  Sorry it's takes me so long - but I *will be starting soon, and I how that this threat gets going again like never before.  I am really looking forward to it.

Happy December,

The Very Merry Prankster!!!


----------



## killtheego

That was quite the read sir. I wish you well in the rest of your life, and would urge you to keep smoking copious amount of the pot. And now a question. In your post you mentioned a certain 'setup' that you had to take you the the 'truth' of the universe. Have you elaborated on that in this thread or somewhere else. Apologies but I did not want to look through all 14 pages. Thanks and .


----------



## Kozbot

Do ridiculous amounts of psychedelic drugs



surprised when brain chemistry is altered


----------



## yepyepwoah

I don't really have much to add, just bumping this for anyone who hasn't read it. 

Found this TR through a link in another thread. Gave me chills. Good read.

Have a metal cracker laying in one of my drawers I look at every once in a while. Keep thinking I should buy a box of charges and some balloons before my next trip. Love nitrous, but haven't had the pleasure to combine with psychedelics. Reading this post, I'm not sure if I shouldn't wait a little while longer....

I'm allready having problems limiting trips to 1x/week ATM (like that's even good itself), dunno if I care to add anything else into the equation...


----------



## excited

Excited does not do No2. The feeling was cool when he was younger now even when rolling exciteds mind is faster than the No2 which makes it a let down every time.


----------



## THC2LSD

excited said:
			
		

> Excited does not do No2.


Good thing you don't do nitrogen dioxide or NO2, nasty shit.Would turn to nitric acid in the lungs. Nitrous oxide or N20 is an effect analgesic:D.


----------



## osiris31x

I've had similar experiences with nitrous oxide, though mine are less physical problems and more of an issue of us all being in "The Matrix", which I firmly believe we are. Hell, I'd almost go so far as to say I KNOW we are. I'll post more later if anyone is interested, or perhaps start a new thread for those seeking advice on dealing with the potential catastrophes of nitrous use. As many others have posted, I firmly believe in N2Os ability to connect us with something deeper, though not necessarily something beautiful. If anybody knows what I'm talking about or has questions in the meantime, please feel free to PM me.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hey guys - I'm *Back!!!*

And *man* am I back!!  I have so much news, so many stories, and so much information to share it boggles the mind - and all of it is good - positive - wonderfully inspiring stuff.  The hard bit has been finding the time to write, but I recently got Dragon Naturally Speaking (voice recognition)  working pretty well, and this should make it possible to somehow fit Bluelight back into my ever-so-busy life.  It's been a psychedelically explosive couple of years, and I have rebuilt my Gascid realm - upgraded the technology to the n'th degree and discovered a few other chemical synergies that brought me to the same destination via some very different routes - which conformed pretty much everything I have ever believed, and then some.   And I seem to have developed a much better understanding of the psychedelic 'whole' - and it seems not as monstrously complex to put into words as it used to - or at least to put into words the directions on how to more easily find the book in which to find the page on which we might all be able to say is the one  which we all consider to be the 'same', so to speak.

So i hope that my extended absence from Bluelight hasn;t permanently alienated me from all of those wonderful friends that I made in here a while back when I first opened my mouth.  I'll be back soon, and this time I really will stay...

TMP


----------



## schizauce

man! i read nearly this entire thread.....

how is the realm doing? 

i just want to say... 

Believe....!!!!!!!!!
Build it and they will come!!!


----------



## schizauce

id also like to say that if you believe 100% full heartedly in something it becomes a physical reality, whether you want it to or not. 
i've seen agents that were only agents because i believed they were, and they stopped being agents as soon as i stopped believing they were...
which reminds me.."you're saying that i can dodge bullets" "no, i'm saying that when the time is right, you wont have to"


----------



## schizauce

straight up i saw other things like this happen infront of me.......when you unconsciously control a situation, dont forget to hold onto the reigns......
i was fishing at an after party once and i watched an entire group of people fear / act on something that they normally would never think twice about......
and there was even an agent there. who asked where and my friend were going before we left back from this place..didnt even know the guy he just kept asking very detailed questions and if he could buy ketamine...i even had a moment of deja vu while talking to him..
NOBODY TOLD ME THE MATRIX WAS REAL.......im ready for trinity or someone to come to my door and recruit me for some shit because im not a huge fan of the system if you know what i mean


----------



## schizauce

its tragic that there isnt enough help and support for brilliant minds that have seen a truth and refuse to believe anything other than what they cant deny. there should be some giant company that can help guide people / learn from people that have seen truths that many others cant reach, and a lot of times won't recognize /support because its too far out of their world. the book too far is a great one if you get a chance to read. dont forget to believe!!!!! 
http://www.toofar.com/


----------



## neurofall

I really enjoyed reading this trip report and congratulations for writing it. What I've taken from your experiences and that of my own is that nothing in this world is easily obtainable. If nirvana or "salvation" was obtainable for the price of a nitrous cartridge, a blotter, a pill or a line it would be obtainable by all. Although there are some unique insights to be gained you always have to realize you are playing with fire and what goes up must come down...


----------



## rambleonjoe1

I, like you, have had a similer experience at the age of 11 maybe ? Wisdom teeth removal.  
My first time was in the dentist chair but I on the other hand had made a comment that had shakin the dentist and nurse. While leaving the dentist office the nurse asked my father if alcoholism ran in the family because I was so excited and in a frenzied state after I came out of the gas experience being young they must have seen how my reaction was life changing It was like  I had a near death experience I thought I had glimpsed  (GOD). AND I WAS SPREADING THE WORD TO THEM  

FAST FORWARD 
I tried many drugs getting into the psychedelic scene in the late 90s Dead Phish liberal politics I jumped in HEAD first  

FAST FORWARD
Then I am watching a computer graphics generator thing called G-Force while headphones on and this thing puts up mathematical imagery that coincides with the music. I think Oh My God I have FOUND IT. The Wah Wah breaks into fractals and boom I am in another universe. It all seemed planned like I was daring God to prove me wrong no future no now no past just life happening and I see the future almost every time. This seems like a journey that once beings become sentient they question existence and the answer is just chemical. I feel sad like life is just gets smart enough to hear the sound of the universe then it realizes and its a big circle that on nitrous I run into over and over only breaking out with a compassionate creator would have put a mark on the universe so we could tell it was real I think the Wah Wah was the mark.


----------



## rambleonjoe1

I believe the "spirit", or "conciousness" that is not yet ready to accept these possibilities will get there in the end. Because this isn't a race. We're all on the same journey, ultimately seeking the same goal

THIS WAS WRITTEN BY (UNDISCLOSED) but I was experiencing something similar on nitrous


----------



## Euphio

Incredible read, and very touching. Like you said, you are patient Z. I hope somehow you find some relief from the constant pain.

Wow, what an incredible read though. Honestly, it read like a story. Your mind is truly more open than mine


----------



## methoxetaman

I remember reading this report a couple years ago. It's very interesting; I didn't read it all again this time and I will tday when I have more tiem but I wanted to say, I've had this theory/idea

that the ones of us who happened to have surgery, or surgeries, at a young age, were introduced to dissociatives/anesthetics at a very young and vulnerable age are more likely to be seeking them out later in life.

Kind of makes sense, once you see the grass on the other side you know it's there.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi. I'm very sorry it's taken so long to respond to your message, but I have been offline for quite a while and dealing with some personal stuff. I'm still struggling with a computer issue in at the moment I'm uploading to my phone. I will get back to this and write a proper reply soon. But in the meantime if you go to youtube and check out a user called FrActAlG0d you may find something that you can really relate to. I strongly suggest you do this.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Thanks - I just have to be careful That my brains Don't fall out


----------



## Jabberwocky

Hi TheMerryPrankster,

  This is my first post on BlueLight. Your TR was one of the best I've read and inspired me to join. It isn't everyday I have a chance to talk to someone who has taken it as far as you have and lived to speak about it. I'm glad you shared and I feel for the suffering that came along the way. I wish you a complete recovery.

I'm interested in understanding a little more about some of your experimentation with breathwork and nitrous. You mentioned pranayama earlier. Can you describe this to me in more detail? The reason I'm interested requires a story of my own. Nitrous hasn't gotten me very far until recently. It was compulsive, elusive and not particularly rewarding. Could be because of the nitrous quality issue you brought up, my inexperience using it, because I never valued it particularly it as a tool for exploration or the fear of hypoxia. Tried lots of combos too when I happened to have it laying around (though never acid). Wasn't until recently that I tried combining it with breathwork and nitrous finally opened up new dimensions for me. Specifically, I tried this with rebirthing style breathwork. In case you are unfamiliar, it's similar to holotropic breathwork created by Stan Grof. I do it for a minimum of 30 minutes (I often go an hour or more) of focused intense breathing. It's deceptively simple sounding; the rules are no pauses in the breathing (consciously-connected breathing) and deep, balanced breaths. The balance in the depth and duration of the in- and out- breath is key, otherwise it's more like hyperventilation which is different. I usually lie down when I do this. It's an intense experience in it's own right. Breathing alone can get you crazy high; this kind of breathing induces psychedelic experiences that are more physical than mental. It also brings up all kinds of emotional stuff and should be tried with a facilitator the first few times, in part to get through it, in part to do it properly and in part to help work through some of the stuff that comes up. Now all this is fine and dandy, but I decided to try adding nitrous at the end. So when I'm ready, I sit up, fill a balloon while keeping the breathing going. At this point my entire body is already buzzing, my hands are hard to move, my eyelids feel surreal and I take a balloon and hold it. Crack another while holding it and take another balloon. Normally I can only take one ballon and pennies. Now I can comfortably take two balloons because the deep breathing added to my overall lung capacity. My body is highly oxygenated at this point, I can hold it in for a long time comfortably. Then just when it breaks through a level I begin to feel a slight craving for air like clockwork, and rather than blissing out I ruthlessly start with the breathing again. Trust me, I want to stop and enjoy, and perhaps chase the feeling with another balloon, but after all that work, I want to go deeper. So I go right into another 20 minutes of this. The cool part is that for those twenty minutes the state stays with me to some extent and the breathing takes on a new quality. The nitrous is also clearer and I feel like I can remember it better. I take solace with the work of breathing and dedicate myself to the task with anticipation for the next balloon. I know that the next time I take a balloon hit it'll take me even further and reveal itself with greater clarity. I've gone a maximum of three additional rounds (8 chargers total) before I have to stop and just bliss out. I've had wonderful experiences of great clarity. Not the kind with elves, aliens or supreme beings, but graceful, loving almost-totally-enveloping light and serenity. It stays with me for a while afterwards. I feel like it's safer too (could be wrong) but I don't experience any aftereffects and don't have an urge to take it further than that. Can I go further, absolutely, but there is a trade off between the amount of work involved and the intensity of the experience that keeps my muscle flexed and growing, and nitrous without all the breathwork is but a sad reminder of how good it can get for me. I haven't been doing this very long so I can't say where it will lead, if it's safe or whether I can nurture the discipline to keep at it, but I wanted to get your insights into this fascinating topic through your own experiences. Thanks again and best wishes!

Edit:

P.S: feel the need to add a few more disclaimers since this post is visible to the entire world. I googled rebirthing + nitrous many times and found nothing but it is inconceivable that nobody has tried this. Considering some of the crazy things people are doing it seems safe to me, but I can't underestimate that this is very intense. There is a "vibronic-barrier" you cross through when inhaling nitrous after a rebirthing session, first time I experienced it I exhaled immediately. Then I worked my way up from there. I've had 4 facilitated sessions and about 50 hours of rebirthing breath work without nitrous before attempting this. I found the rebirthing breathwork very powerful on it's own. I've also logged about 1000 hours in the psychedelic headspace, so basically what I'm saying is altered states are not new to me. Rebirthing is an established group of which I have no affiliation. Google is your friend. If others have experience with this I really want to know. Please PM me.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

I am going to read this again and post a reply. Really interesting read! It's nice to not feel totally alone. Still, after all these years, I find myself one of the very few sane, mad people on the planet. the rampant ignorance surrounding psychedelics and the difference between psychedelics and hard street drugs is unbelievable in this day and age. I have been ostracized in my community, lost access to my children, and been branded with all forms of insult and degradation, labeled a bad role model, with the interference being that simply the fact that I take drugs makes me a bad parent and bad person. naturally, these kinds of witchhunts go on behind closed doors, and I have never had an opportunity to defend my position or my beliefs on my motivation.  I have simply been tried convicted and sentenced, metaphorically burned at the stake by an angry and incensed mob brandishing hypothetical pitchforks.

 I see myself as a scientist, a pioneer, a person willing to take the risks that others are too afraid to take, in many cases simply to ascertain the safety [or not] of a specific substance so that others can enjoy the experience without fear of dangerous physiological repercussions. I do not take these substances as a form of escapism or an easy way out of my problems. on the contrary, these experiences tend to force me to have to face the difficulties that I would normally attempt to avoid dealing with.

 we are biochemical android. brain chemistry is a reality. I believe that this is our duty to expand our consciousness And to utilize the tools that have been provided for us    
 to do so. it is ludicrous to assume that altering or expanding our consciousness to chemical manipulation somehow in validatesthat exploration.

 If exploring all consciousness to psychedelics is a crime then simply thinking is one of equal magnitudmagnitude, As sold, consciousness, and life itself Is nothing more than a complex ongoing chemical reaction.


 It's deeply saddens me that sharing joy Comes with such a socially obscene price tag.


----------



## Captain.Heroin

TheMerryPrankster said:


> It's deeply saddens me that sharing joy Comes with such a socially obscene price tag.



I'm glad to see you still around TMP!


----------



## webbykevin

Dunno how i missed this thread in the past, amazing story and fantastic writing, raw and powerful in it's depth and honesty, love it.

How are you these days TMP ? how did the search for solutions to the constant neuro pain go ? Has medical science/research made any inroads into your problem in recent years ?

Very glad to see you are still with us.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi,I was most of the way through a reply when my message self destructed	~ still getting used to my tablet, but a quick recap.thank you for the kind words of support and encouragement.I do have some answers to your w question, but I will compose an offline reply do I don't lose it all again, and will get back to you and the others that I owe a long overdue response to.

Probably the reason you didn't find this until recently is that it's main gusto happened a couple of years ago and my disappearance owing to some personal problem s caused it to fizzle out, but every so often someone gets the ball t rolling again and it starts showing up again.I really want to get it going again the way it was in the beginning and I have a world if new stuff to share, doi will be back soon..

Thanks again to all of you who have helped to keep this thread alive as I feel it's about to get more interesting than it has ever been.

Peace,

Tmp


----------



## Blurpinkle

TheMerryPrankster said:


> Hi,I was most of the way through a reply when my message self destructed	~ still getting used to my tablet, but a quick recap.thank you for the kind words of support and encouragement.I do have some answers to your w question, but I will compose an offline reply do I don't lose it all again, and will get back to you and the others that I owe a long overdue response to.
> 
> Probably the reason you didn't find this until recently is that it's main gusto happened a couple of years ago and my disappearance owing to some personal problem s caused it to fizzle out, but every so often someone gets the ball t rolling again and it starts showing up again.I really want to get it going again the way it was in the beginning and I have a world if new stuff to share, doi will be back soon..
> 
> Thanks again to all of you who have helped to keep this thread alive as I feel it's about to get more interesting than it has ever been.
> 
> Peace,
> 
> Tmp



i have a lot to contribute


----------



## Marauder

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for what you've been going through.

When I first got hold of nitrous, I had been taking it on and off for a few weeks. I only did maybe 3 canisters a dose and maybe dosed twice a week. I wanted to understand the drug's effects on my brain but I knew that depriving my body/brain of oxygen is obviously bad, and more importantly, it causes me a headache to keep redosing nitrous.

I had a drug experience that scared me. Now it's nowhere near as bad as yours but here's how it went down. Friends and I were smoking Cannabis and Salvia. A few hours later I took 4g of shrooms and was having a great trip. I like that cannabis "extends" your presence in the nitrous headspace, and I assumed tripping would let you hang around in there even longer. What better way to understand the drug?

I was peaking on shrooms and filled a large balloon with 3 canisters of nitrous. I huffed and puffed and I was fucking gone. I tried my hardest not to laugh, but to simply observe what is going on in my head and body. I found it terrifying to attempt remaining a normal mindset on nitrous. If I wasn't laughing, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't make sense of anything. Things "looked" the same, I "knew" who people were, where I am, etc, but this was all so far away and completely disjointed in my mind. I'm used to nitrous lasting a few minutes but after maybe 5 minutes, I was still in this headspace. I was beginning to panic but I kept my cool and figured sleep would help.

I woke up the next day in severe pain. It felt like every single nerve ending in my body has been reset. Putting on a sweater felt like I was putting on a vest soaked in gasoline and burning away. I was unable to drive because I could not determine how much pressure I was putting on the gas pedal, and I couldn't find anything in my pocket. Everything felt foreign. Things were the same mentally, but physically I was in real discomfort. Pins and needles, etc. 

My first thought was a B vitamin deficiency but I don't take nitrous much so that wasn't it (I did take a B complex supplement or two to see if that was the case.) The next day, the pain was still there but I felt closer to normal and felt very relieved. After waking up on the 3rd morning, it was nearly gone. Good right? 

A few weeks later, I tried 1 nitrous canister and the pain came back full force. I couldn't tie my shoes, etc. I slept it off and registered to see a neuropathologist. She heard my case (nitrous + symptoms) and expressed almost no concern as to my condition. She said I was fine and that it was likely anxiety. I went to my GP and asked him, and he said to see a neuropathologist if the problem persists, but ended the convo with "are you an anxious person? do you think too much sometimes and feel overwhelmed?"

I'm a very anxious person, especially when I can't type on a keyboard, cloth myself effortlessly or even just sit down without having to slowly nudge onto a couch. It felt like my entire body was asleep rather than just when your foot or arm fall asleep.

Anyway, the pain subsided on its own. Months later, weed alone triggered it. Benzos helped a lot, so it staying sober for as long as possible just to get my body calibrated to baseline again.

Maybe off-topic but have you tried the other dissociatives? specifically ketamine, MXE or PCP? I'm just asking. There is a Vice interview with the chemist who designed Methoxetamine. He is missing a hand and said that PCP or a derivative of it helped him cure his phantom limb syndrome. He felt pain on the hand that was lost, and PCP helped him work through the issue psychologically (and maybe physically?) - Look into 3-MeO-PCP and perhaps the studies on Ketamine for long term pain treatment. The key to ending your pain lies somewhere in there. Have you seeked ketamine-for-pain help outside the US? The original study was done in Germany and featured in a dr.house episode. Canada might have some clinics, just check online in the US first. 

Take it easy!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi.I'm sorry to hear of your problems as well, although wow your symptoms sound very similar to my own, the amount of nitrous. you used seems not enough to have caused any kind of serious neurological damage, however, the combination of nitrous oxide with psilocybin is something that I am less familiar with than gascid,, especially in the area of neuro toxicity. I have done "gasrooms", On any few occasions, but it has never had the same appeal and clarity as LSD. In fact, now I recall the last time that I did nitrous oxide in combination with psilocybin it was an extremely negative experience as well, and I had a huge panic attack in the middle of the experience where I felt that it was physically overwhelmingly too strong. I actually became too afraid to repeat the experience, so I think that I can relate to what happened in the moment anyway. When I finally mentioned to a doctor that I have taken nitrous oxide when the symptoms first appeared, she too dismissed the information saying that there was no evidence that nitrous oxide was in anyway dangerous. At that point there was still no Internet and little was known about the long term cumulative effects of nitrous in the blood.


 we should never estimate the power thhaveat the mind can help over the body. I know LSD to be physically harmless even in large amounts and over protracted periods of time, yet I also in the early days had a bad experience-as you probably read-from which it took a year to fully recover and during which I had horrific flashbacks that felt extremely real at the time. unfortunately, my medical knowledge is somewhat limited in this field. However, I do not think that it is likely that what you experienced was actually caused by the chemical combination, but was perhaps something that pre-existed and it was triggered or  exacerbated by the experience.


 I have had considerable experience with some others dissociatives, specifically ketamine over the last couple of years, something which I would like to write more about and see if there are others who have shared similar experiences. I have also experimented fairly extensively with combinations of ketamine. and other psychedelics, especially DMT and LSD, both of which I find to be a great combination. I will add more to this comment when I am back on the computer and not on my handheld device. Thanks for sharing your experience, I hope you're feeling better, and sorry I cannot be of more help, but I do imagine the possibility exists that some of this anyway is psychosomatic. Perhaps when you feel the onset of this kind of experience some meditation and yoga might help to decrease the intensity of the symptoms. I know that the yoga helped me tremendously during my convalescence

Peace


TMP


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

ATTNs: Gascid God I can't reply to your pm till you clear up some space@

TOP


----------



## flat-line

Wow, that was the best trip report I have read. You are a very talented writer TheMerryPrankster.

Sorry to hear about your medical conditions. I can relate a little bit, I abused 5-meo-dmt in a similar way until it had seriously damaged me, I made a full recovery. But went through sorrow and the whole life altering turmoil you get from going too far and messing yourself up on a substance.   

I found how you made the set up to alter your trips interesting. LSD with Nitrous have always been very controlled by outside visual elements for me, so it makes sense that a person could gain some control over the experience with control over the setting. 
Also Nitrous usually has the same underlying rhythm for me whaa-whaa-whaa, I bet you could really set some strobe lights up to match it-and hit another layer...   Must be wild..

You are a true psychonaut TMP, thanks for the good read. and thanks for putting the info out for the community..


----------



## Mizora

TheMerryPrankster said:


> ATTNs: Gascid God I can't reply to your pm till you clear up some space@
> 
> TOP




TMP! Just read the initial post...turns out I read this a few years back in my exploration for NOS tales and adventures. no joke about 3 years ago.... I realised I  had read before about 2 paragraphs in but couldnt stop reading! it was just as entertaining as the 1st time. oddly enough it was only last week i was telling my friend about how i had read ur story before, my recollection was vague at that but it had been some time. Now i find myself here actually writing a message to you! (I have read bluelight randomly be it through google or wteva for years but only signed up around 2 weeks ago...oh how the universe works in mysterious ways!

Funny, I bought a van a couple of weeks back, lost a pound in it yesterday...was looking for the pound... couldnt find it but then to my surprise found another pound which must of been there for quite a while. I am forever saying the universe is one big equilibrium, forever balancing in some way or another. I think by you posting this is in a way a positive to your negative of addiction and greed towards the nos. I got into it a fair bit, maybe not the same strength as the stuff u were doing tho..  I had some odd trip, think it was around 4 whippets in a row sitting in the exact same place i am sitting now, just remember this really overwhelming sense of detachment! that was partly why i went on the search for stories. since then I dont get it myself as i know i'll just abuse the stuff!  but just stick to doing it with mates, even still I cant do a lot, makes my throat real bad! i cant understand how u managed to do so much with a good throat!? also just leaves me feeling really melted...

had a wicked trip the other day whilst on some mdma n smoking weed, nothing 'ive found the the answer to life' although i have had them before and attempted to write stuff down...came back down to earth and the pad was just squiggles!! so fustrated! lol. but yeah wicked trip the other day where i was just so invovled with the music playing, like when i realised it was music i was so shocked! crazy!

anyway ive babbled on but just wanted to say hi! and hope u r doing somewhat better these days! and that ur story has made me laugh, consider the dangers a lot more and generally be entertained. thanks for sharing.

much love from the UK!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

High!  thanks for sharing. It's nice to know that this thread is still alive. Thanks for the well-wishes. I'm doing pretty well physically the last years- lots of yoga and healthier living.

Of course I could relate to your stories.writing stuff down was my first route i took trying record my thoughts and I remember well the feeling starting to write a phrase and then seeming to be looking over my shoulder at me writing, and then the writing slanting off into somewhen else before wiping into some indecipherable lhieroglyphic psychedelic doodle.

I find that the whippet nos has improved, but I'd never returned to what was decades ago. A couple of years ago I discovered that if you breathe automotive nos through the right kind of gas mask filter, it's fine to breathe and has a soul that is lost in modern whippets.

I have to stop now, but thanks for the message, and the appreciation of my writing .

Peace,
TMP


----------



## Xorkoth

Hey man, nice to see you post, I re-read this when the thread got bumped and I was wondering if you were okay, just the other day.


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

hey man , thanks for thinking of me . I suffered terrible material misfortune last year but it was the necessary catalyst to pointing my life in a new direction . Out of necessity, I started performing street music again for a living , and found that a summer spent outdoors playing music to very appreciative and kind people was rewarding and fulfilling and has me back in touch with the musician side of me . I have learned some self-control over the last years and rid myself of my unwanted vices and become more moderate or around. I am also trying to live more healthily physically s  i have decided that I would like to liveto be  100 I have to look after the vessel that is going to take me the rest of the journey.

Naturally, moderate shamanism is an acceptable diet. More soon I hope.

TMP


----------



## Xorkoth

Glad to hear you're doing well.   I too suffered a lot last year, both financially and emotionally/personally.  I'm back in touch with myself this year though, it's been one of the best years of my life so far.


----------



## zavix

Great post - thanks for sharing and for the warning!  



TheMerryPrankster said:


> ...
> I was starting to feel that I understood the intrinsic nature of the universe - not just in the sense of thoughts - but in perceptions - understandings. There were times - and I am sure that most of you can relate - when I felt that for a moment I *truly* understood the universe - as it *really* was - and it was *so* simple
> ...
> my quest was to bring back some of these truths, and to find a way to share them with others - which I did in fact accomplish
> ...
> if there is interest I will happily share
> ....



I can totally relate to this!  Are there any posts around where you went into more detail about this?  More than anything else I tried in the past n2o gave me this sense that it was opening my mind to profound yet simple truths about existence... but always so fleeting... I essentially gave up trying to bring anything substantial back.  Very curious to hear if others have succeeded!


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Hi – it is so nice to know that people are still reading this thread, despite my protracted absence. Unfortunately, at the zenith of my enthusiasm for this thread, the hand of chaos interfered with my Zen – my karma ran over my dogma – and for some time I derailed, and never manifested as expression those experiences for which I had so desperately longed to share with our open minded audience (admittedly, the complexity of translating the subject of psychospiritual experience into the mono dimensional environment of linear text did make the task daunting enough to proliferate protracted procrastination on my part.

As you point out, the nature of nitrous and the depth of the insights of which it is capable of illuminating tend to be so fleeting and quickly forgotten that communicating more than a vague sense of the experience is so difficult that through the annals of history and the far reaches of Google there are very few in-depth first-hand coherent experiences on record. Hence my introducing additional substances in order to prolong, exaggerate or at least magnify, or otherwise enhance – specifically for the purposes of remembering – the nitrous experience.

It has been my intention, and on my mind a lot as of late, to continue where I left off – having had a number of years in between with a variety of additional experiences to augment that which I already felt I had come to understand – coupled with the fact that voice recognition software has finally come far enough to enable me to think in text in real-time.

I'll be back

TMP


----------



## Jack-08067

I came across this thread after battling with myself mentally for a long period of time due to my constant use on nitrous over the past year. And my desire to try and discover futher what is going through my mind whilst tripping. I have experienced trips unimaginable which not a lot of my friends cannot relate to when I try to explain, some of them have even laughed at me when I've told them some of my experiences and I feel they do not believe me. Or my facination with nitrous. 

I have tried many different breathing techniques and other psychs with nitrous, usually doing them after I have been out and have taken ecstasy or ketamine is when I have experienced my most vivid and sometimes too often scary, petrifying trips. I see too many people inhaling and exhaling quickly, almost hyperventilating themselves, just achieving a head rush feeling or similar to that of poppers. This is how I started and quickly realised there is a far more effective way of taking nitrous which has become extremely addictive. 

over the past year whenever I'm in a relaxed environment, usually with some techno music. I have been having trips that I can only describe as a battle with my conscience or some higher power giving me warnings to stop. It started off funny, like these shadows or entity's would make me jump resulting in me exhaling the balloon and loosing the trip. Very frustrating, so I would hit another, and another and this would repeat over and over, different everytime. And this stage I could tell myself that I'm just tripping as it felt almost dream like. Then things got more and more real, with people in the room all being involved, coincidence or not I hope some of you can relate, but the things that would unravel in front of me clear as day would make me feel that I'm living the trip, the trip was my life and whoever or whatever higher power exists would control everyone else to be involved in making that trip happen. Hard to explain however.

I feel like everytime I do a balloon  I shouldn't be doing them which is why I keep getting warnings, is something telling me off because I'm discovering something deeper that I shouldn't be? sometimes I will feel like I've litterally figured out the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Although as the vivid clarity of my vision which is so bright whilst tripping compared to that of reality and often with colourful symbols constantly flashing in my eyes, a symbol that looks the same everytime I just can't ever recreate it when not tripping, has anyone experienced this symbol, I thought it was similar to that of the flower of life, although I'm unsure. Purple/Yellow. It's not until it fades away and my vision retuns to normal I realise I'm back out of the trip, and everything that I have just discovered is now just confusion. What just happened? 

It was last year the trips started to effect my perception of nitrous and my fascination to discover is there more to this. I was in Ibiza and had been taking ecstasy all night. I got back to our apartment and did a balloon. Wow! These are incredible, clear as day everyone in the room multiplied, time was relapsing itself. I watched my friend repeat his movements about 4 times as if I had rewound and repeated him. The trips were getting harder and harder til eventually. Bright light, my eyes are open but all I can see is a extremely bright light. Am I dead? What's happened everything is dead silent, the 8 people that are in the room do now not excist, I cannot hear anything. Then I hear my elderly grandmothers voice, or what I think it is, she's taking to me, this is very odd I feel like she's sat there on the bed with me. I don't want her to see me like this, off my face on ecstasy, I feel like I'm having a long conversation with her. I come out of the trip and have the most horrible feeling, I'm almost sick. I think to myself why would she be there, I become upset inside and worried for the worst. Why I don't know but something just tells me that something bad has happened. 

I flew home the next morning to find out that she had past away that night. But I already knew. 

Ive had I few other mind boggling trips throughout the year whilst on nitrous that have really made me question is there something more to this. Every balloon that I do get scarier and scarier, I feel sometimes I'm just riding the trip and there's no escaping. I was back in Ibiza again in October. This time with my younger brother. We had been on ketamine whilst at the club. Went back to our hotel. Inhaled a balloon, the vibration feeling which I often get, With symbols starting happening, I then keep thinking about my heart, I can feel it beating very hard. I question myself, how bad are these for my health, I once heard about someone who had an anurism whilst inhaling nitrous resulting in her having a heart attack. It's all I kept thinking about, every balloon trip following was to do with my heart, one time the red balloon actually looked like a heart pumping. Scared the shit out of me, so I decided to close my eyes these trips were becoming to vivid. So I do another, this time I feel a detatchement. I'm having an outer body experience I panic and open my eyes, I'm looking down at myself in the room. Watching myself having a heart attack. It's terrifying to watch. I want to get out but the trip doesn't end. I'm watching my brother try to revive me. The most Horrible feeling comes over me again, is this it, have I died? I then get out of the trip to my amazement after a roller coaster of emotions I feel relieved that I'm alive. I experienced the emotion of excepting death, seeing my loved ones loose me. I feel like I experienced this as a gift and a final warning to wake up. Stop doing them. I told myself thats it. No more I'm done. 

Moments later my brother did a balloon, dropped it on the floor and he went pale faced, as if he had seen a ghost. That's it he said no more I'm done. I begged him to tell me what he had seen but he didn't want to tell me. he got upset then told me I just watched you die. Now I'm scared. 

I didn't touch another psyc or nitrous ballon for almost 3 months. Then NYE I went to a big rave in London. I was worried all night about taking drugs, until eventually after a few drinks I told myself to stop being so paranoid and dropped a E. The night got out of hand and I conifinued until the following morning at an afterparty, we had been mixing too many substances. Md, Ket, cocaine, silly looking back. I got home and was laying in bed when I started getting chest pains, managed to just make it upstairs to wake up my brother before I blacked out. I could hear my brother and my mums voices, who has been unaware I have ever touched drugs up until this point. but their voices are disappearing into the distance. It felt like this time it is definitely the end. Why didn't I listen to the warnings when I was given the chance. I wake up in an ambulance with an ECG rigged up to my chest after just suffering a minor heart attack. 

How many chances do I want. The feeling of warnings I've been getting whilst on nitrous are probably as real as they seem but I'm to stubborn to believe it. I keep telling myself it's just my subconcious and probably some deep seated guilt about taking drugs perhaps causing me to constantly create these trips which are relatable to what it is I'm thinking about before hand. Whatever it is though fascinates me so much and I continue to have the urge to face my fears and inhale nitrous through these balloons. Box after box. 

Until last week, I had the worst trip yet. I was in a hotel room after a festival. Everything was fantastic everyone was in a great mood. Good vibes all round . First few balloons were brilliant. Can't remember what happened but I felt great, mentally and physically during the trip. Then the next trip went from one extreme to the other. No more feeling of enlightenment. This time things turned dark, I instantly felt completely alone. Latin writing and symbols that I'm unfamiliar with apear on the ceiling, not the usual symbols that feel good if that makes sense. These feel sinister and evil, a symbol appears that I can't help but stare at, something's telling me not to look but I can't help it. I'm pulled in and I feel like I'm falling downwards into hell. I genuinely feel like I've just sold my soul to satan. I have another out of body experience, I'm watching myself on some kind of sacrificial satanic bed. I also have a strange feeling of de ja vu, although I have definitely not tripped this I would have remembered its petrifying. I suddenly feel like I'm dropped back onto the bed. And I'm back in the room. Everyone in the room is  looking at me and burst into laughter. "What are you doing" "you always spaz out" on balloons think you should stop. I don't want to tell them but I feel like I've just been possessed. I'm worried, what happens if I am. Horrible thoughts cross my mind. I look at my self in the mirror, my eyes are drawn to the necklace I'm wearing, I've never really paid attention to the pendant, it was one I bought on holiday because I thought it just looked cool. It now looks more familiar than ever, wait is this one of the evil symbols that I've just seen. So I google satanic symbols on my phone. There it is.... Subconcious observation and coincidence the root to these trips? Or is there a darker side to nitrous and other dimensions we discover whilst tripping? Has anyone else experienced anything similar or am I just weird. Or possessed.


----------



## Just A Guy

I've experienced _similar but not exactly the same_ while researching the typical psychedelic substances, and I always make a good choice and am saved, but wonder if that was my final rescue? Will the next one be the one to get me? With that in mind, I think I've made my decision to take or not to take 200ug 1P-LSD today. I'll pass.

Edit -- I'd later come to enjoy 1P-LSD many times over, and loved it. Peace and good luck.


----------



## bringsustogether

Hi TMP,

I sent you a PM about this, but just in case other people have something to say about the topic I'm gonna post that PM here:

Me to TMP: "I have become incredibly fascinated by your stories about gascid, and I  am interested in how you would compare the gascid experience to the DMT  experience, if this is at all possible. Do you have a preference between  the two?"


----------



## FoxInTheBox

*I Think I Know What could help with your pain*

i just finished watching a documentary on ambien and how it restores normality to damaged brains i think this could really help out with your neropathic pain


----------



## TheMerryPrankster

Thank you!  Having successfully quit taking opioid painkillers, other options are very much appreciated.  I'll look into it 

TMP


----------



## ecence

Hey Merry

I tried to private message you but it appears your inbox is full.
I'd love to chat and share my experience with you. I've used nitrous/lsd on a monthly for the last 2 years. 

Flick me a Private Message if you manage to clear your inbox out. I think you would love to hear my thoughts on that matter 

Cheers mate


----------



## cameronthought

After parsing through all 16 pages of this thread I have to correct something from the original post. 

Now, brief disclaimer here, I’m not trying to justify nitrous (ab)use, as it’s something I myself have had problems with, but you, TMP, presented some information initially which is well… incorrect.

Quick personal backstory, I’m a happy psychonaut, and a neuroscientist, and I enjoyed the usefulness of N2O to achieve the same clear-minded “Ah the universe fits together” state that you mentioned. But due to its intense and short lived euphoria, I, like you, began developing an addiction quite rapidly, and then some subsequent neurological symptoms. 

The first fears I had were all related to the ingestion of N2O blocking oxygen uptake in the lungs. We had ran experiments in lab relating to hypoxia and I was required to learn the fundamental symptoms, and the dangers. So I did the quickest thing I could think of and ordered a pulse oximeter (device to measure blood oxygenation). And what I found was that the method I was using - fill lungs half with N2O, fill the rest of the way with air, breath shallowly, but constantly till lungs are empty, repeat - did not result in a significant (and I mean non-statistically significant at p5) decrease in oxygen. 

So that brings me to my first point… nitrous is one of the most rapidly removed chemicals from the bloodstream. It’s small size and high reactivity give it fantastic solubility, and every ‘clean up’ process/system in your body is great at removing it, e.g. the liver (we’ll come back to that). Any cumulative effect would be through the duration of the N2O usage, and would not continue in the body for more than maximum 4 hours afterwards, assuming ~180lb bodymass.

Secondly, hypoxia is not something that could be caused by N2O in the bloodstream. There is no reason free N2O would cause complications for normal O2 transport through the body. The two act together, and the only way to achieve saturation at levels that would obstruct O2 delivery would be to actually inject N2O saturated plasma directly into the bloodstream (which actually sounds awesome now that I think of it!).

So this is the point of yours I wish to humbly correct. “The effect of Nitrous Oxide is *cumulative*. If you do it too long, it builds up in your bloodstream. Then you do not have enough oxygen in your system - hypoxia sets in, and your brain starts to die. And once you go past a certain point there is *no* coming back - ever. Your life is fucked - forever - till the day you die.”

The buildup of N2O in the bloodstream from bulb usage alone does not reach levels which would or could cause hypoxia. Repetitive usage without breathing, huffing, or using a tank with a mask all could cause hypoxia. 

Now I am not dismissing your personal experience, rather attempting to reframe it. Yes hypoxia can cause neuropathy like what you experienced, however it would have to come from an acute incident. This would be if you had a mask on and fell asleep. Or, in a non nitrous setting, were choking and were *without* oxygen for around 3 minutes (at which point non-recoverable neuropathy begins).

I believe what you experienced was actually a B12 depletion brought to symptomatic levels due to physical activity. The N2O cleaned out by the liver (see, brought it back!) has a tendency to bond to the stores of B12 (Cobalamin) in the liver. This causes the cobalamin to “deactivate” rendering it completely unusable by the body. 

There are lots of problems with B12 depletion, memory loss, depression, discoloration or even hyperpigmentation of skin, hair loss… But one of the most dramatic symptoms is neuropathy leading to ascending distal numbness (fingers and toes, spreading toward the trunk of the body). 

This neuropathy is directly related to the role B12 plays in creating the Myelin Sheaths which protect neuron axons and dendrites. Without B12, along with it’s products homocysteine Methylmalonic acid, the body is not able to produce Myelin. As this protective coating over the neurons begins to break down, there is nothing to replace it, and cellular damage begins to occur, i.e. neuropathy

The breakdown of spinal Myelin causes the distal numbness associated with B12 neuropathy, and in more advanced cases, results in lhermitte's sign, or painful “electrical” firing when the spinal column is compressed. 

Interestingly, the symptoms are nearly identical to when another spinal neuropathy such as MS results in active Myelin destruction.

So that’s all well and good, but the thing is this. Your body obtains B12 through eating meat, eggs, and a very small amount of specific plants (hence the high rate of B12 neuropathy in vegans), and it’s not very good at getting that, only around 0.5% of B12 is absorbed through ingestion. So your body filters it out of your blood and stores it in your liver. (Do you see where this is going?). When those reserves in your liver are deactivated from N2O, you are nearly incapable of returning to normal B12 levels without some outside assistance, and in theory the rate of B12 replenishment through natural dietary means is incapable of catching up to the rate of demyelination. 

This last year, in the midst of a very stressful (both physically and mentally) experience, started getting the same rapidly ascending distal numbness, brain fog, loss of memory, and difficulty focusing. I’d read medical journals on N2O and B12 deficiency (thanks neuroscience background) and was able to determine that that was the likely culprit. 

I went to the Dr. and after explaining the situation, N2O and all, was given B12 injections into my legs for 2 weeks until the numbness had stopped ascending and began to decrease. At that point I began taking B12 subcutaneously twice a day for around 2 months. I had developed lhermitte's sign as well, and treated that separately with Lions Mane Mushroom Extract (needed to rebuild Myelin rapidly, and LMM promotes human NGF), and with abstaining from N2O was back to perfect health in just under 5 months. 

I believe the same likely happened to you. However, it doesn’t appear from your story that any efforts were made to repair the damaged myelin, resulting in more serious and permanent neuropathy. If you still have pain symptoms, especially relating to spinal cord contortion, I seriously do recommend looking into LMM extract. Take it for a couple months, see how you feel, worst case scenario you’ll have better memory and a healthier gut. 

I still enjoy N2O, but now make sure to pre-load B12 an hour before, and post-load an hour afterwards. And, of course, I’ve cut my intake way down. 

Thanks,

camthough


----------



## hayhef

Does your body temperature fluctuate ?


----------



## ScroogeMcDuck57

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time. I've realized I really need to be more careful. I'm surprised, although I shouldn't be, that you still believe there's some benefit to the very combination of drugs that is causing you so much pain. Thanks again


----------



## Anamo7tram

TMP, you and many people on this thread are suffering from drug induced delusions, this type of thinking can be seen in K heads and schizophrenic people, I know, I seen it first hand. 

I highly suggest 6ou take a long break from any drug and try to get you life back on track, there may still be hope, even at 50. 

Do not keep going in a sink cost fallacy. 

Reality is very boring compared to our dreams but we can learn to live in it, even without drugs. 

I do believe that some drugs teach you about your psychology and spirtuality, but only when done is a scintific fashion and great moderation, both which you have not been doing. 

You are not a pioneer nor a scientist, a junkie or a low life scum,  your a lost soul who cannot accept reality so you escape it. 

WAKE UP!!! you tried building a time machine for fuck sake.


Sincerely, 
A recovering nutjob.


----------



## Rob1989

Jack-08067 said:


> I came across this thread after battling with myself mentally for a long period of time due to my constant use on nitrous over the past year. And my desire to try and discover futher what is going through my mind whilst tripping. I have experienced trips unimaginable which not a lot of my friends cannot relate to when I try to explain, some of them have even laughed at me when I've told them some of my experiences and I feel they do not believe me. Or my facination with nitrous.
> 
> I have tried many different breathing techniques and other psychs with nitrous, usually doing them after I have been out and have taken ecstasy or ketamine is when I have experienced my most vivid and sometimes too often scary, petrifying trips. I see too many people inhaling and exhaling quickly, almost hyperventilating themselves, just achieving a head rush feeling or similar to that of poppers. This is how I started and quickly realised there is a far more effective way of taking nitrous which has become extremely addictive.
> 
> over the past year whenever I'm in a relaxed environment, usually with some techno music. I have been having trips that I can only describe as a battle with my conscience or some higher power giving me warnings to stop. It started off funny, like these shadows or entity's would make me jump resulting in me exhaling the balloon and loosing the trip. Very frustrating, so I would hit another, and another and this would repeat over and over, different everytime. And this stage I could tell myself that I'm just tripping as it felt almost dream like. Then things got more and more real, with people in the room all being involved, coincidence or not I hope some of you can relate, but the things that would unravel in front of me clear as day would make me feel that I'm living the trip, the trip was my life and whoever or whatever higher power exists would control everyone else to be involved in making that trip happen. Hard to explain however.
> 
> I feel like everytime I do a balloon  I shouldn't be doing them which is why I keep getting warnings, is something telling me off because I'm discovering something deeper that I shouldn't be? sometimes I will feel like I've litterally figured out the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Although as the vivid clarity of my vision which is so bright whilst tripping compared to that of reality and often with colourful symbols constantly flashing in my eyes, a symbol that looks the same everytime I just can't ever recreate it when not tripping, has anyone experienced this symbol, I thought it was similar to that of the flower of life, although I'm unsure. Purple/Yellow. It's not until it fades away and my vision retuns to normal I realise I'm back out of the trip, and everything that I have just discovered is now just confusion. What just happened?
> 
> It was last year the trips started to effect my perception of nitrous and my fascination to discover is there more to this. I was in Ibiza and had been taking ecstasy all night. I got back to our apartment and did a balloon. Wow! These are incredible, clear as day everyone in the room multiplied, time was relapsing itself. I watched my friend repeat his movements about 4 times as if I had rewound and repeated him. The trips were getting harder and harder til eventually. Bright light, my eyes are open but all I can see is a extremely bright light. Am I dead? What's happened everything is dead silent, the 8 people that are in the room do now not excist, I cannot hear anything. Then I hear my elderly grandmothers voice, or what I think it is, she's taking to me, this is very odd I feel like she's sat there on the bed with me. I don't want her to see me like this, off my face on ecstasy, I feel like I'm having a long conversation with her. I come out of the trip and have the most horrible feeling, I'm almost sick. I think to myself why would she be there, I become upset inside and worried for the worst. Why I don't know but something just tells me that something bad has happened.
> 
> I flew home the next morning to find out that she had past away that night. But I already knew.
> 
> Ive had I few other mind boggling trips throughout the year whilst on nitrous that have really made me question is there something more to this. Every balloon that I do get scarier and scarier, I feel sometimes I'm just riding the trip and there's no escaping. I was back in Ibiza again in October. This time with my younger brother. We had been on ketamine whilst at the club. Went back to our hotel. Inhaled a balloon, the vibration feeling which I often get, With symbols starting happening, I then keep thinking about my heart, I can feel it beating very hard. I question myself, how bad are these for my health, I once heard about someone who had an anurism whilst inhaling nitrous resulting in her having a heart attack. It's all I kept thinking about, every balloon trip following was to do with my heart, one time the red balloon actually looked like a heart pumping. Scared the shit out of me, so I decided to close my eyes these trips were becoming to vivid. So I do another, this time I feel a detatchement. I'm having an outer body experience I panic and open my eyes, I'm looking down at myself in the room. Watching myself having a heart attack. It's terrifying to watch. I want to get out but the trip doesn't end. I'm watching my brother try to revive me. The most Horrible feeling comes over me again, is this it, have I died? I then get out of the trip to my amazement after a roller coaster of emotions I feel relieved that I'm alive. I experienced the emotion of excepting death, seeing my loved ones loose me. I feel like I experienced this as a gift and a final warning to wake up. Stop doing them. I told myself thats it. No more I'm done.
> 
> Moments later my brother did a balloon, dropped it on the floor and he went pale faced, as if he had seen a ghost. That's it he said no more I'm done. I begged him to tell me what he had seen but he didn't want to tell me. he got upset then told me I just watched you die. Now I'm scared.
> 
> I didn't touch another psyc or nitrous ballon for almost 3 months. Then NYE I went to a big rave in London. I was worried all night about taking drugs, until eventually after a few drinks I told myself to stop being so paranoid and dropped a E. The night got out of hand and I conifinued until the following morning at an afterparty, we had been mixing too many substances. Md, Ket, cocaine, silly looking back. I got home and was laying in bed when I started getting chest pains, managed to just make it upstairs to wake up my brother before I blacked out. I could hear my brother and my mums voices, who has been unaware I have ever touched drugs up until this point. but their voices are disappearing into the distance. It felt like this time it is definitely the end. Why didn't I listen to the warnings when I was given the chance. I wake up in an ambulance with an ECG rigged up to my chest after just suffering a minor heart attack.
> 
> How many chances do I want. The feeling of warnings I've been getting whilst on nitrous are probably as real as they seem but I'm to stubborn to believe it. I keep telling myself it's just my subconcious and probably some deep seated guilt about taking drugs perhaps causing me to constantly create these trips which are relatable to what it is I'm thinking about before hand. Whatever it is though fascinates me so much and I continue to have the urge to face my fears and inhale nitrous through these balloons. Box after box.
> 
> Until last week, I had the worst trip yet. I was in a hotel room after a festival. Everything was fantastic everyone was in a great mood. Good vibes all round . First few balloons were brilliant. Can't remember what happened but I felt great, mentally and physically during the trip. Then the next trip went from one extreme to the other. No more feeling of enlightenment. This time things turned dark, I instantly felt completely alone. Latin writing and symbols that I'm unfamiliar with apear on the ceiling, not the usual symbols that feel good if that makes sense. These feel sinister and evil, a symbol appears that I can't help but stare at, something's telling me not to look but I can't help it. I'm pulled in and I feel like I'm falling downwards into hell. I genuinely feel like I've just sold my soul to satan. I have another out of body experience, I'm watching myself on some kind of sacrificial satanic bed. I also have a strange feeling of de ja vu, although I have definitely not tripped this I would have remembered its petrifying. I suddenly feel like I'm dropped back onto the bed. And I'm back in the room. Everyone in the room is  looking at me and burst into laughter. "What are you doing" "you always spaz out" on balloons think you should stop. I don't want to tell them but I feel like I've just been possessed. I'm worried, what happens if I am. Horrible thoughts cross my mind. I look at my self in the mirror, my eyes are drawn to the necklace I'm wearing, I've never really paid attention to the pendant, it was one I bought on holiday because I thought it just looked cool. It now looks more familiar than ever, wait is this one of the evil symbols that I've just seen. So I google satanic symbols on my phone. There it is.... Subconcious observation and coincidence the root to these trips? Or is there a darker side to nitrous and other dimensions we discover whilst tripping? Has anyone else experienced anything similar or am I just weird. Or possessed.



I need to reply in full to your post as your account of recollections, feelings and events are scarily identical to mine. Please reply so that I get an email to remind me as I'm about to crash out and am likely to forget this tomorrow, despite how compelling it is right now....similar to the eureka moment whilst nosing....have made an account purely to allow me to comment...that process alone has been a trauma so to write a fill post now I would be summarising too much.


----------



## Jack-08067

Added you as a friend give me a message if you still want to discuss


----------



## modata

Good writers, I'm concerned about the well being of our friend the Merry Prankster.  Especially as he hasn't written since his last post about 8-19-2015. I hope he's doing well... I'd like to read more of his fine writings and ask some questions. 

Say, which noz method is most economical and practical ? Other than tanks and demand valves. Especially considering the .004 % metabolism rate!.. I'm also interested in liquid application to skin; somewhat like a patch....Also, couldn't pre-loading with oxygen reduce noz ill effects, including lowered blood pressure, fainting, and even heart attack.

Considering medical studies that have shown noz effective in depression, alcohol and drug withdrawal, could it be the next substance to be DECRIMINALIZED, like pot? .. We voters have that power!

Also, has anyone tried noz as a THC concentrator; in place of too crazy flammable butane? Its an excellent organic solvent.. If you're making or refining noz, please share the processes... Is it as easy as it seems? .. And how about adding the two past standard deeper anesthetics?

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR FINE CONTRIBUTIONS, AND PLEASE WRITE SOON MP!


----------



## lucifersam666

I know I am digging up an old post I actually found the link on a subreddit...but anyways, wow man, powerful. I have a few questions... Is this still active? Can you post an update? I know this was 10 years ago lol but an update would be tight. Hope all is ok, brother.


----------



## Stargazer

Fascinating read and thread. Wow. Thanks for all the shared experiences.


----------



## JacksinPA

I had my wife convince the local industrial gas dealer that I needed nitrous oxide to make my cactus plants flower. Bought a regulator & outlet hose to fit on the cylinder. Used to blow up big balloons with it & party. Then one day it stopped working. Nothing but a dead orange thing in my vision. I had built up a tolerance & it no longer works as it had. Dealer said he wasn't going to sell to us any more at the same time.

Any drug that acts at a receptor automatically generates tolerance if you keep using it: *Extensive research has failed to clarify the mechanism of action of **nitrous oxide(N2O, laughing gas), a widely used inhalational anesthetic and drug of abuse. Other general anesthetics are thought to act by one of two mechanisms-blockade of NMDA glutamate receptors or enhancement of GABAergic inhibition.*


----------



## JacksinPA

Please see my post #388 on developing tolerance to N2O.

Jack


----------



## Morninggloryseed

This one likes to fly high!  Best report in a long time I've read (yes I realize its an old post). I love inhalants too.


----------



## bringsustogether

Resurrecting this ancient thread for one more "Where is TMP??"


----------



## Xorkoth

I think maybe he got trapped in the gascid sphere... either that or the machine he was building there finally completed and he's sailed off to different pastures.  Maybe he lives in the back of all of our minds.  Maybe he became the nitrous loop, and realized he was the nitrous loop all along?


----------



## aLinkToTheAss

Brains are fucking good at adapting. The pain will surely only get less and less. Never the less, I'm sorry for what you hade to experience. Karma would sugest you somehow deserved it, but that seems like a stretch. Perhaps god's overkill way of telling you even nitrous isn't better than love. I wish you a good life, and thanks for sharing your story. Your dentist kinda fucked up getting a nine year old hooked on drugs though...


----------



## pansprism

Just read this post - hoping you're well TMP. 
Thanks again.


----------



## OpiateKiller

This is a great demonstration of ultimately how drugs can alter someone permanently. I'm glad I never got involved in the psychedelic scene. 

I've taken mushrooms about 10 times, but they never were my cup of tea.

I have a friend who is no longer "there" due to acid. He is lost. He used to be the most cheerful fucking high on life person ever. And acid fucking ruined him. It's so fucking sad.

I'd rather tell some 13 year old do as much heroin and coke as you want, just stay the fuck away from the acid. 

At least with cocaine and heroin your brain can recover. Fucking A man, this post depressed me deeply. I hate drugs. I love them but damn I fuckin' hate them.


----------



## negrogesic

I remember this thread.

Ive gone pretty far into the nitrous headspace. I had a 4-5 box addiction some years back. There are different plateaus of the nitrous high, similar to DXM. I have stored memories in the nitrous high that i can only access with nitrous oxide. It is sort of like a vault, even numeric passwords required to proceed. Super weird shit. Essentially one of the final realizations is that you yourself are a god. Pretty typical of dissociatives, the whole heaven and hell thing. Nitrous can also take a dark turn, even scary. 

I was never a big dissociative fan but i loved nitrous. Aside from being an NMDA antagonist, nitrous oxide also activates opioid and benzodiazepines receptors, which can be it very euphoric and reinforcing. Who knows what damage i did. One of the major concerns with nitrous is the oils that you end up inhaling in the process.


----------



## Buzz Lightbeer

I remember reading this on Erowid, it was one the first and best trip reports I had ever read, I had no idea this guy was a Bluelighter.

I hope he's doing well after all these years
Gascid  I always forget I have nitrous around when I trip


----------



## Gary White

negrogesic said:


> I remember this thread.
> 
> Ive gone pretty far into the nitrous headspace. I had a 4-5 box addiction some years back. There are different plateaus of the nitrous high, similar to DXM. I have stored memories in the nitrous high that i can only access with nitrous oxide. It is sort of like a vault, even numeric passwords required to proceed. Super weird shit. Essentially one of the final realizations is that you yourself are a god. Pretty typical of dissociatives, the whole heaven and hell thing. Nitrous can also take a dark turn, even scary.
> 
> I was never a big dissociative fan but i loved nitrous. Aside from being an NMDA antagonist, nitrous oxide also activates opioid and benzodiazepines receptors, which can be it very euphoric and reinforcing. Who knows what damage i did. One of the major concerns with nitrous is the oils that you end up inhaling in the process.



You can make the oil go away with a good filter. I have 2 I have used. One is a commercial 0.3 micron "absolute" filter and the other is a 10 micron cartridge filter with oil absorber in it. Both seem to get the oil out. I have rationed myself to 600 carts a month in an effort to control my habit. It is a mind expanding thing tho. It brings back old memories ... whether they are exactly true or not would depend on who else was there at the time but they seem real enough.


----------



## negrogesic

Gary White said:


> You can make the oil go away with a good filter. I have 2 I have used. One is a commercial 0.3 micron "absolute" filter and the other is a 10 micron cartridge filter with oil absorber in it. Both seem to get the oil out. I have rationed myself to 600 carts a month in an effort to control my habit. It is a mind expanding thing tho. It brings back old memories ... whether they are exactly true or not would depend on who else was there at the time but they seem real enough.



Do you experience the plateaus with hidden memories?

Sometimes i get disturbing images, like sort of grainy black and white images of rough sex which  be a little weird.


----------



## jhjhsdi

How do you actually filter the oil? Is it possible;
A) when using a proper cannister/dispenser?
B) when using a cracker?
After heavy binges I used to cough it up. Can't be good to have that in your lungs... 

@Gary White


----------



## on.my.way🌿

TheMerryPrankster said:


> But as we all know - the profundity of Nitrous is fleeting, and after the epiphony it fades so quickjly that one can't quite remember what it was that one was thinking - and why it was so funny.  This, I found to be the curse of Nitrous - to have this understanding - so plain and simple - even expressible in mere words - if I could find them - or once found, if I could not lose them.  How, I wondered, can we extend this experience - make the come down slower so that it would be possible to bring back some of this universal intrinsic truth to the real world.



That explains the feeling really well


----------



## dopamimetic

Whoa, that was an intense report for sure. 

Still no sign anymore of the OP?  Granted, it's been 11 years but this device/ship _really_ intrigues me as the dissonaut that I am. 

While I currently, off stronger NMDA antagonists, don't have too much access to that world, it's memories and features (there indeed is a huge state dependent memory with dissos and all of them have plateaus, a bit different than these of DXM but a good part of White's FAQ is more or less applicable to dissos in general.), this will become a rather short posting. But I fully understand the feelings of the OP from my own experiences with DXM, MXE, K and 2F-/DCK. While N2O apparently isn't just a NMDA antagonist, and I only tried it once - after reading this here, I'll have been much too focused on breathing enough oxygen that I didn't reach effective levels of the gas very probably. But it all sounds so much similar to specially DCK. The understanding of it all, the love, the incredible meaning and devotion, the loneliness with all (even when I can't truly imagine how it must have felt w/o the internet, not knowing about just a single other gasonaut), the desire to invite others into the dissoverse, the acquired control and influencing / potentiating / leading the experience with music, light etc.. Oh, and too the addiction. People seeing and judging that.. spiritual hobby research.. as obsession, addiction and/or self harm. 

But thought the mechanism of N2O was known and would be primarily NMDA antagonism? GABA activity does water down the experience. Opioid can be synergetic. 

Was curious about the other way round of combining DCK with a psychedelic and particularly DMT, or Salvia but was too afraid of potential anxiety based on bad shroom trips many years ago. Until recently when I read here that not only does possibly the combination lower the risk of anxiety but even scientific papers suggest that the DMT (or psilocybin) actually _protects _against possible toxicity of the disso..

DCK alone was exciting enough and I can only speculate based on trip reports about how it must be and feel combined with psychedelics but I guess amazing. 
I am unsure about the character of this 'understanding the universe' thingy. It is more a feeling than knowledge, but too a mix of both. But if you really could bring something like evidence over in our everyday reality. I have briefly experienced emotional telepathy, possibly but not really sure about, verbal too. Many things tend to feel possible but I know the scientists say it's all just on your head. I don't necessarily identify 1:1 with this, some reports say you could meet entities or beings in the dissoverse and many about DMT but up to now I always was the only ecistence there. With the relative absence of many negative emotions and them being replace with love, peace and hypomania, it doesn't feel lonely the way it does while sober and is amazing enough but being able to enter this space together with somebody else or even to meet others there would be fantastic (and when hearing / reading about e.g. schamans I wonder how far they actually manage to go in these spaces. Things sound very similar enough to well possibly be different ways and approaches leading to the same destinations.) 

And it would be so great if there was no need for hiding. Umm, somehow feels like I don't find the right words for all but don't want to discard either..


----------



## Gary White

This is the filter I use. It is a 10 micron filter with oil absorber in the container.






It is part of this rig


----------



## jhjhsdi

Gary White said:


> This is the filter I use. It is a 10 micron filter with oil absorber in the container.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is part of this rig


 That's cool I've never heard or seen of one before. Any more pics? Was it expensive?


----------



## Gary White

It was stuff I had here. The new part is the toggle (Amazon). The filter is easy. The soda bottle is a commodity item alhiough this Eco bottle will break an operating lever right away. I have the pix here how to fix it if you have a file and a drill.. The real trick is the toggle loader. You can burn through a 50 before you know it tho.


----------



## dcotes

So I found this through TMP's trip report on Erowid and spent much of the day putting the various pieces together. People seem to check in here every so often hoping to hear an update. Unfortunately, TMP passed away in late 2016. For better or for worse it seems he rode the space/time/ship to the other side.

#3 - http://www.soundernews.com/obituaries/?75f0b6bd034d-8=&start=130

His supposed list of passions in the obit has a startling omission.


----------



## Xorkoth

How do you know it's him?  

Assuming it is, very sad, RIP man.


----------



## negrogesic

Wow, i had always wondered what happened to him.


----------



## dcotes

Xorkoth said:


> How do you know it's him?
> 
> Assuming it is, very sad, RIP man.



TMP linked his youtube channel which has his name. That plus knowing that he lived in Victoria, BC, and on Gabriola island, you can find his fb and a few records of his death. The details in the obit align perfectly with his birth year and story from the original post.


----------



## Xorkoth

Ah.  Well, RIP you crazy diamond.


----------



## jhjhsdi

RIP


----------



## yaesutom

I can relate to all this crazyness.

I discovered some amazing things related to telepathy, protective entities etc and can do things that I'd love to share with others but I have this feeling...that I shouldn't or can't share it.

There's this line I cross in the nitrous space where I go from craving to understand and share to - oh shit this is real and I didn't see shit, don't know anything, don't know shit about shit, never mind I don't know anything I'm just getting high I am innocent. Like once you know enough, you just know to shut your mouth about it for unknown reasons. Like..nobody would believe it anyways and for some unknown reason there are limited "resources" that have to be conserved. I've seen that I may or may not have created extra universes and if I'm ever in any type of trouble I can call on them for protection in this universe. Lolz but of course I'm talking pure fiction here so just ignore me I'm obviously just insane


----------



## yaesutom

I will say a little tho: watch out for entities that try to steal your whippits. They think they're trying to protect you but if you gain enough awareness it stops happening and then you can find unused whippits .... without even looking at them when they're mixed in with a giant pile of used ones. Like I can just sense where the good ones are in a giant pile of bad ones. How is that even possible? That's one type of proof that some of the experience is real. Not a type of proof to prove to anyone else... Society can't handle things like telepathy or something like that maybe that's why you keep the proof to yourself. 

Also there's something with this stuff that prevents a person from using it for evil. Has to do with ego loss and however or whoever programmed the reality program at a high level. 

If you find entities that will protect you- save them. Just the fact that they exist is enough to send out vibes that you aren't to be fucked with.


----------



## thegreenhand

just found this thread

the description in the OP of losing your mind after smoking weed on acid was eerily similar to what happened to me about a year ago. like way too similar

i experimented a lot with nitrous when i was between semesters this winter and plenty of free time. everything makes sense and feels ok while you're on it. that's the real lesson i've taken away from it. "it's ok". i imagine a dental supply for an hour would provide some truly profound experiences.

i could easily see how an addiction could form. way too easy to binge on it.


----------



## Gary White

I could get in trouble with this when I had an account at the welding store


----------



## birdup.snaildown

Fantastic trip report. Funny. Sad. Enthralling from beginning to end. Superbly written. I can definitely relate to many sections. Would love to see a photo of the room you made with the driver's seat in the middle.

edit: Just read that he passed away.
RIP Merry Prankster


----------



## negrogesic

Gary White said:


> I could get in trouble with this when I had an account at the welding store



How long have you been using nitrous oxide out of curiosity?


----------



## Zephyn

yaesutom said:


> I will say a little tho: watch out for entities that try to steal your whippits. They think they're trying to protect you but if you gain enough awareness it stops happening and then you can find unused whippits .... without even looking at them when they're mixed in with a giant pile of used ones. Like I can just sense where the good ones are in a giant pile of bad ones. How is that even possible? That's one type of proof that some of the experience is real. Not a type of proof to prove to anyone else... Society can't handle things like telepathy or something like that maybe that's why you keep the proof to yourself.
> 
> Also there's something with this stuff that prevents a person from using it for evil. Has to do with ego loss and however or whoever programmed the reality program at a high level.
> 
> If you find entities that will protect you- save them. Just the fact that they exist is enough to send out vibes that you aren't to be fucked with.


I had a friend who passed i used to do a ton of nitrous with and I always figured he was refilling them for me. One time I swear I was looking at an empty used cart and watched the hole recover itself


----------



## birdup.snaildown

I've never found nitrous a particularly interesting drug.
Gascid is more interesting, but it's not in my top 10 combinations.


----------



## Zephyn

I'm unfortunately immune these days. I've never met anyone else who is. I think it comes from abuse of other stronger dissociative. But even after months of none, I get little to no effect from it, even taking huge balloons from a tank. I mean I could do it and operate heavy machinery or drive. I get more lightheaded from a cigarette. If anyone has any idea why, please let me know.


----------



## Bella Figura

I have the same issue, on a few separate occasions in my life I've tried Nitrous and experienced zero effects...

First time was with a group of friends and they were all laughing their asses off, I felt stone cold sober. Tried again next day, nothing.

Then on another occasion I was determined to get a buzz from it so I did canister after canister. balloon after balloon hoping to feel something..nope.

Prior to that I guess I've used/abused ketamine and pcp for some years so figured my NMDA receptors are fucked.


----------



## Zephyn

Bella Figura said:


> I have the same issue, on a few separate occasions in my life I've tried Nitrous and experienced zero effects...
> 
> First time was with a group of friends and they were all laughing their asses off, I felt stone cold sober. Tried again next day, nothing.
> 
> Then on another occasion I was determined to get a buzz from it so I did canister after canister. balloon after balloon hoping to feel something..nope.
> 
> Prior to that I guess I've used/abused ketamine and pcp for some years so figured my NMDA receptors are fucked.


That has got to constitute brain damage.


----------



## negrogesic

There is definite cross tolerance with other dissociatives but some people don't experience a strong effect simply because they don't achieve a sufficient blood level. Nitrous oxide builds in the blood stream over time, and this only occurs after continuous administration. Even with a tolerance nitrous oxide is capable of anesthetizing anyone, even someone with dissociative tolerance.

What makes nitrous oxide noticeably more euphoric than other dissociatives is aside from blockade of NMDA is its opioidergic and GABAergic properties (at the BZD binding site apparently). The analgesic effects are reversed by naloxone and anxiolytic effect is reversed by flumazenil. The psychotomimetic (ie, psychedelic) effects are NMDA blockade mediated. 

The problem is nitrous oxide is very tricky to use in the form of whippets. The little bursts of gas are not conducive to achieving the steady blood levels needed to induce narcosis. It takes practice and mastery of breathing. It also gets dangerous since it is not mixed with oxygen (as it is in a clinical setting) and an easy way to induce hypoxia. Too much N20 in the blood stream can starve the brain of oxygen even if you breathe freely after. 

It is a dangerous drug. It can remove the protective myelin that coats the outside of nerves which in severe cases can result in symptoms the resemble multiple sclerosis.

At its peak it can be overwhelming euphoric (rivaling IV heroin -- and I used to be a heavy heroin user) but this is hard to achieve (can take at least 30 minutes to get there). These blissful states are inconsistently produced.

I used to abuse it heavily, at around 72 cartridges a day. I don't mess it with anymore. Feels toxic and messes with my lungs.


----------



## Xorkoth

Yeah it really does some gnarly stuff to my lungs, too.  I hardly ever do it but really enjoy it on psychedelics.


----------



## Gary White

negrogesic said:


> How long have you been using nitrous oxide out of curiosity?


About 40 years off and on. I was heavy into it in the 80s and 90s using that 20 pound bottle, then I quit for about 12 years and I am back into it with whipits. The loader cracker I made makes it pretty easy to burn 100 in an evening. I am working on tuning the dosing a little because you real,ly don't need more than ione every 2 minutes or so to keep the buzz going. Right now I am working on adding oxygen to the mix. I know that actually enhances the effect and it makes it a whole lot safer. I am going back to the solenoid valves I was using with the 20 pound tank,. I think if you keep a buffer tank of oxygen at around 3 or 4 PSI, then add the nitrous as required you can keep  a steady supply going without wasting a lot of nitrous. 
BTW I emptied out the siphon bottle the other day and this is how much oil I collected in the bottle from around 4000 carts, not including what was carried out and trapped in the filter and what stayed stuck in the bottle


----------



## Zephyn

negrogesic said:


> There is definite cross tolerance with other dissociatives but some people don't experience a strong effect simply because they don't achieve a sufficient blood level. Nitrous oxide builds in the blood stream over time, and this only occurs after continuous administration. Even with a tolerance nitrous oxide is capable of anesthetizing anyone, even someone with dissociative tolerance.
> 
> What makes nitrous oxide noticeably more euphoric than other dissociatives is aside from blockade of NMDA is its opioidergic and GABAergic properties (at the BZD binding site apparently). The analgesic effects are reversed by naloxone and anxiolytic effect is reversed by flumazenil. The psychotomimetic (ie, psychedelic) effects are NMDA blockade mediated.
> 
> The problem is nitrous oxide is very tricky to use in the form of whippets. The little bursts of gas are not conducive to achieving the steady blood levels needed to induce narcosis. It takes practice and mastery of breathing. It also gets dangerous since it is not mixed with oxygen (as it is in a clinical setting) and an easy way to induce hypoxia. Too much N20 in the blood stream can starve the brain of oxygen even if you breathe freely after.
> 
> It is a dangerous drug. It can remove the protective myelin that coats the outside of nerves which in severe cases can result in symptoms the resemble multiple sclerosis.
> 
> At its peak it can be overwhelming euphoric (rivaling IV heroin -- and I used to be a heavy heroin user) but this is hard to achieve (can take at least 30 minutes to get there). These blissful states are inconsistently produced.
> 
> I used to abuse it heavily, at around 72 cartridges a day. I don't mess it with anymore. Feels toxic and messes with my lungs.


Yeah have you ever wiped the inside of a cream dispenser after going thru a few boxes? Yuck.


----------



## negrogesic

Gary White said:


> About 40 years off and on. I was heavy into it in the 80s and 90s using that 20 pound bottle, then I quit for about 12 years and I am back into it with whipits. The loader cracker I made makes it pretty easy to burn 100 in an evening. I am working on tuning the dosing a little because you real,ly don't need more than ione every 2 minutes or so to keep the buzz going. Right now I am working on adding oxygen to the mix. I know that actually enhances the effect and it makes it a whole lot safer. I am going back to the solenoid valves I was using with the 20 pound tank,. I think if you keep a buffer tank of oxygen at around 3 or 4 PSI, then add the nitrous as required you can keep  a steady supply going without wasting a lot of nitrous.
> BTW I emptied out the siphon bottle the other day and this is how much oil I collected in the bottle from around 4000 carts, not including what was carried out and trapped in the filter and what stayed stuck in the bottle



How often do you use it and at what "dosage". Never met a long term nitrous oxide user so the information is interesting to me.


----------



## JackARoe

I am intrigued too Gary.  I have read a lot of your posts about how to do nitrous and they are detailed and logical.  Thanks for hitting the board with info.


----------



## Gary White

I try to stay between 50 and 100 once a week. When I had the 20# my wife and I  were using a bottle a month or more, usually all at one time. The sex was fantastic tho.


----------



## Gary White

Zephyn said:


> Yeah have you ever wiped the inside of a cream dispenser after going thru a few boxes? Yuck.


That was why I came up with a 0.3 micron filter and oil absorber in front of that.  The stuff coming out is clean and tastes good.


----------



## negrogesic

Gary White said:


> I try to stay between 50 and 100 once a week. When I had the 20# my wife and I  were using a bottle a month or more, usually all at one time. The sex was fantastic tho.



What brand cartridges do you use? I found that anything made in Asia is trash and contaminated.


----------



## Zephyn

real men save the earth and go through about a 10 lb tank a week


----------



## negrogesic

Zephyn said:


> real men save the earth and go through about a 10 lb tank a week



More like destroying the earth  Nitrous oxide is something like 300 times as potent of a greenhouse gas than CO2 and also damages the ozone layer


----------



## sugar.clothing

This was a decent read but you are in no way the number one n2o abuser ever. You were still using n20 cartridges. That's beginner shit. If you were filling 50lb n2o tanks on the regular and using it daily I would agree with you.


----------



## Gary White

I had a 20 pounder and I have gone back for a swap half way through a weekend so I think I qualify as a player. Right now I try to hold myself down to 100 at a time but last night it was more like 180. (~3 pounds)
That thing I made makes it real easy to pop a lot of carts.
I am using whatever is cheap at the time. I try to get 600 for around $200 but lately that is more like $230-240. Still cheaper than a night out. 
I am using real whip its now but I also use Leland Creamers. They all have oil in them. That is what you get if you can get USP grade instead of food grade,. There is no oil in USP grade. 
The filter I have does a good job of cleaning them up.


----------



## Xorkoth

Damn you spend more than $240 on a night out?


----------



## Gary White

600 lasts me about a month. 
You can easily spend close to $100 on a night out tho. A decent dinner with a few drinks is at least $50 and $30 at a movie is about right if you buy some popcorn.


----------



## Xorkoth

Well that's a good point, for some reason I was thinking of like buying drinks at a bar only, not eating/etc.


----------



## JoshLobbs

TheMerryPrankster said:


> I am the new Messiah!@!


----------



## azgard

To those who find their way to this thread - it would appear the OP took his life after some long bouts of in and out homelessness/unemployment. 

He did get to see his grown son, who he'd stated he hadn't gotten to be with in quite some time, slightly over a month before his passing. He was very happy to be able to see him.

His issues from what he's talked to us about here seemed to stay with him until the very end, I guess let that be some form of forewarning for us all.


----------



## JackARoe

Sad I just read this whole thread. I hope TMP is rolling around heaven and not feeling separated from the One.  Lots of good thought in here.  Funny I have had a box of 50 cartridges for the last  10 months.  I want to take some gas on the second half of a 2C-B trip.  I still get powerful effects but gas is almost one dimensional.  I can learn a lot in there but it flattens some acid trips I have had.  At least it made the rest of the trip boring without the gas.  But I have had many wonderful GASCID trips growing up.  i remember one time I was listening to music, took a hit of gas and the guitar got silent but the rest of the band was playing.  And I remember thinking if the guitar does not come back in it means I die.  But the guitar trickled back in and I lived.  But it goes to show how heavy these things can be like the OP said.  For sure worth thinking about.

Thanks for popping in Azgard.  I hope you are well.


----------



## renx

Just found this Thread and feel the need to add my thoughts, even though they will most likely be lost in eternity, given the age of this thread.

The universal truth is the following: 0 = Infinity, True = False, Good = Bad, Funny = Terribe, You = Me

It is a paradox. Un-understandable. Trying to understand this paradox, is creation/life. The universe is one big paradox. Life itself is the "solution" to this paradox. The universe tries to solve itself/understand itself, thereby expanding and creating "life" (blowing itself up like a balloon). But, the universe can never be solved, since it is a paradox, so creation just keeps on going. 

TMPs trial to "prove" the gascid experience, was the universe trying to understand itself. Thereby creating his "spaceship". A creation to aid in the further understanding of the universe, aiding in the further creation of the ship, ...

In other words: The act of trying to understand the gascid experience/the paradox/the truth of the universe, is the act of creation. 

Thats the joke about it, and this is why nitrous is called "laughing gas". Nitrous makes fun of you trying to understand what is happening to you, because you can never understand it. You become able to "create" as soon as you stop laughing, as soon as you stop trying to explain it. TMP called this "accepting some assumptions" in order to travel further.


----------

