# Day Two...Can I do this...again?



## Faithinme

If anyone ever decides to file a class action lawsuit against the makers of Tramadol (Ultram) or the doctors who prescribe it saying that it's not habit forming, I want to be first in line to add my name.  I don't even want any money.  I just don't ever want to hear how someone was prescribed this poison and took it because they were told that it's not habit forming.  I just want to save one person from this nightmare.

I am Becky.  I'm 49.  Got a great job, great kids, an awesome grand daughter and although I'm single, I'm finding that isn't the worst thing in the world to be.  I am also addicted to this crap that I was told I would never get addicted to.  I have chronic back pain (pinched and bulged discs) and I went the Vicodin route.  But I also tried to be very careful because I knew I could get hooked on it.  I was informed.  It's habit forming!!! So, I stopped taking it.  I knew when I was exceeding the prescribed dose then I was abusing it.  I don't want to be a drug addict. Who the hell does? 

A year ago my ortho gave me Tramadol and although it wasn't as fun or as funky as Vicodin, I thought I hit the jackpot because it did help my pain.  Tremendously.  And the extra energy sure came in handy too.  I actually vacuumed out my own car!!!  You know what kind of a contortionist you have to be to do that, right?  Me and my bad back were vacuuming out the car!!! And carrying laundry baskets up a flight of stairs!!!  

Well, my ortho gave me three months worth, so when I ran out of the last refill I asked my own doctor for it and he said no.  He is a firm believer in diet and exercise for pain management.  I found another doctor to give me a couple more months.  He told me the same thing my ortho did.  It's harmless.  But after a couple of months, he said no too.

Long story short...I didn't have to hit the streets to get my fix.  Did you know you can buy this stuff online??? Legally??? It's not a scheduled narcotic.  And I even asked a lawyer if this was legal and he said it wasn't really ethical but it was legal.  A doctor did call me and ask me what I wanted tramadol for after I placed an order and I told him I have a bad back. That's all I said.  Next day...the UPS guy delivered my gold.  I call it gold because it is expensive.  250.00 month.  I found if I move a couple of bills around or let the utilities wait another month that I could swing that

Down side...there were a couple of times that the UPS guy was a few days late and I knew that I wouldn't get my new gold before the old gold ran out.  No big deal.  It's not habit forming, right????  RIGHT???

I have been forced into withdrawl twice in the last year.  The first time I didn't even know what was happening to me.  I looked up my symptoms...restless leg, insomnia, anxiety, depression, burning diarrhea, muscle aches, shaking, cold sweats.  Wow...this little bout of the flu is just like opiate withdrawl.  But a couple days later my package came and I was back on track.  Kicked the flu bug and had my Tramadol.  Life was good.  Then a few months later....it happened again.  This time I put two and two together.  I am detoxing and going thru withdrawl.  I looked at a lot of forums (this one was my favorite) and found out what I suspected.  I am addicted.  And I read all of your horror stories about getting clean and staying clean.  But a few days later when my package came I signed for it and started taking it again.  

This time it's different.  I didn't order any this time.  I have to stop taking this poison.  So...this time I am in withdrawl again...self imposed but again I took a lot of help from what I've been reading here and other places...mostly here.  I'm trying the Immodium, Valerian Root, L-Tyrosine and B6 root and soaking in epsom salt baths...a lot.  

It's a littie easier this time.  I think the opiod in the Immodium really does trick your brain into thinking you are taking an opiate.  For sure, it's stopped the "volcano diarrhea".  It's only day two so I know it's not on the upswing yet but this time i'm feeling maybe 20% of the symptoms I did the last two times.  It's hell.  It'll never be easy.  But I'm motivated this time.  I want to be done with this.  Whatever back pain I'm feeling (and I am feeling it)  is better than withdrawing.  I think the worse is yet to come but I think I can do it.  I've done it before without wanting to.

Sorry for the long post.  Writing is something I enjoy sober or not.

Thanks for letting me say all this.  I really needed to.


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## RobotRipping

yeah immodium will definitely help. Sorry to hear of your struggles. Tramadol is also an SNRI (serotonin norepinehperine reuptake inhibitor) and as such it acts a bit like an anti depressant, which also have their own set of withdrawals. So you are withdrawaing in two different ways unfortunately and that is why tramadol has such a nasty withdrawal for being a relatively light opioid. 

if it's truly unbearable then a Dr. could do a taper using prozac but with the type of Drs you're seeing i doubt they'd have any clue. It was wrong of them to prescribe you tramadol for pain and then to stop prescribing it. That will cause suffering no matter what. The least they could have done was to help you taper. That is pure bullshit. 

anyway, welcome to bluelight and i really hope you make it through. Some other things that  help are ibuoprofen for the pain and possibly 5-htp to help with the SNRI withdrawal part but i'd look that up first in case it's a bad idea, just something to think of. St Johns Wort is also a natural SSRI that may ease some of the symptoms, although i'd look that up as well as there may be some interactions that i don't know about. Good luck, i just detoxed myself with immodium and it went extremely well. 

if you're struggling at any point have a look at the dark side forum which is very helpful.


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## Faithinme

Thank you so much for taking time to read and respond and I REALLY appreciate all your advice.  I'll take it wherever I can get it and the reason I am here is because I see that although I think I am unique and one of a kind I know that I am going thru what a lot of people have.  And I'll make it to the other side.  Just like you.  Thank you for letting me know that Immodium helped you.  I've read a lot of people saying that it has but you are the first to actually tell ME that it worked out.  I am encouraged.

I'll look up 5htp.  I've never heard of it.  The L-tyrosine seems to be doing it's job giving me some energy.  Hell, I am actually at work today.  That wasn't possible the last two times.  The thing that is the worst right now is the jumpy legs.  Which means I'm not sleeping much.  I just don't want to go to another doctor for more medicine if I can do this myself.  So far...so good. But it's early.

And I have been practically spending any free time I have reading the Dark Side.  It's been a tremendous help.


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## RobotRipping

immodium completely removed the restless legs for me but you have to take a lot. I was taking between 6-16mg/day and that did it for me. And that's a small dose compared to what others recommend. Long hot baths in epsom salts (which i read u've done) will really help with the restless legs as well. It sucks though, that is the worst part of withdrawal for me.


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## grumpygrouse

Hey and welcome to Bluelight! I am not familiar enough with Tramadol to give any advice, but I will be happy to be on the receiving end of your letters. For me writing can be very therapeutic and I encourage you to write as well through all this shit you're going through. And feel free to contact me anytime for moral support, I am happy to remind you (when needed) that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Bluelighters are a very supportive (and educated as well) gang to be a part of


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## Faithinme

RobotRipping...if this were a 12 step forum I would ask you to be my sponser.  Thank you for you advice.  I want to get to the place where I can be encouraging to someone someday.  You have helped me.  I appreciate you.


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## 1lost

Hi faith, u have really inspired me, thank you, props to robot ripping


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## Faithinme

Hi 1lost from one Midwesterner to another!!!  If you are going thru what I am please reach out to me.  I mentioned earlier that I am 49 and after looking around this forum I think I'm a little older than the normal poster but I am also a mom of three grown daughters and I somehow managed to get them raised and married off.  Heck...one is even a college graduate.  What I am saying is that I'm a great listener.  And I am great at giving out unsolicited advice.
I've learned every single lifes lesson the hard way so I guess it was just a matter of time before addiction got its turn at me.  
Either way...whatever your struggle is...there is hope and someone who wants to listen and care.  You don't even have to know that person personally.  I have been able to take more help from people I have never met and who don't even know me from a leaf on a tree but they have helped me.  
Good luck to you, sweetie.  You deserve to be happy.


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## sekio

Withdrawal from opioids is rough, isn't it? 
The official wording of the package insert reads something like "may cause dependence in some people"... as you found out though, that's total weasel wording.

Loperamide (Immodium) is actually an opioid that doesn't enter the brain - explains why it works wonders for withdrawal doesn't it?. All it's doing is pacifying your body's need for opioids and delaying the inevitable (unless you're on a regimen of steadily decreasing, or infrequent use). 

Time is really the best medicine for opioid w/d, that and symptom control... stress-relieving stuff like hot scented baths, hot tea, comfort food. Cannabis can help (if you like it). If you are still really restless you can ask your doctor for clonidine (antihypertensive). It's used with soem success to help reduce opioid withdrawal symptoms.

As for your back pain, consider chiropractic treatment, physiotherapy etc. If those don't work, NSAIDs like diclofenac/coxibs (Celebrex etc) and things like orphenadrine that are non-opioid but still painkillers are definitely worth investigating. Perhaps even local anesthetics if you are prone to "flare ups".

Thanks for being a part of Bluelight!


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## Faithinme

Sekio:  I was a teenager in the 70's so of course I do like cannabis.  I have temporary guardianship of my grand daughter so I do try to keep the house free of all that stuff.  You never know when a case worker wants to stop by.


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## sekio

Good to hear you're responsible that way  Staying (relatively) drug-free for the sake of your kids or grandkids is always admirable.


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## 1lost

Hi faith, sorry haven't been back for a few, yeah I sit here at 42 & accept the same responsibility , I'm a addict, I knew what the doctors where doing, I just tuned out & kept spending. Please let us know how u doing, I haven't begun yet as I'm quick to find a excuse, but it's in my mind 24 a day, , I don't really have friends anymore , they all seem to be so damn negative, I find myself alone more everyday, don't you love how so many say " hey ask your dr for this or that", no one wants to admit to a doctor " hey I'm a addict" , black list me would ya" , well that's my fear, the way drs r so controlled ( for the best for some of us) I'm afraid I get sick/hurt & I will b screwed, had cellulitis few months back & they say will get it again, the thought of dealing w/ that & offerd no relief, addict or not scares me, pain meds don't help a whole lot with it but even a little relief is a god send. Excited to hear how your doing , I hope not alone, -) ur not alone here, diet & exercise , lmao, physical therapy saved my back, but if you got no umph to do it , I'm not gonna do it ,much less else. Ahhhh we learn when we're young, understand when we're old, u sound like a good smart chic,


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## Faithinme

1lost said:


> Hi faith, sorry haven't been back for a few, yeah I sit here at 42 & accept the same responsibility , I'm a addict, I knew what the doctors where doing, I just tuned out & kept spending. Please let us know how u doing, I haven't begun yet as I'm quick to find a excuse, but it's in my mind 24 a day, , I don't really have friends anymore , they all seem to be so damn negative, I find myself alone more everyday, don't you love how so many say " hey ask your dr for this or that", no one wants to admit to a doctor " hey I'm a addict" , black list me would ya" , well that's my fear, the way drs r so controlled ( for the best for some of us) I'm afraid I get sick/hurt & I will b screwed, had cellulitis few months back & they say will get it again, the thought of dealing w/ that & offerd no relief, addict or not scares me, pain meds don't help a whole lot with it but even a little relief is a god send. Excited to hear how your doing , I hope not alone, -) ur not alone here, diet & exercise , lmao, physical therapy saved my back, but if you got no umph to do it , I'm not gonna do it ,much less else. Ahhhh we learn when we're young, understand when we're old, u sound like a good smart chic,


Hi!!!  It's good to hear from you again.  I notice that you and I are both still "greenlighters" so I can't send you a PM but I would like to stay in contact with you.  It seems like what you are going thru mirrors my situation and maybe we can support each other.  Or just talk.  I'll go and update my profile to add my email address and from there maybe we can connect of Facebook or something.  
But let me just tell you that you aren't alone.  EVER...I would never let anyone, complete stranger or not go thru something like this alone if I can help it.  I look around this forum and there are so many people that know everything about everything and it's been a tremendous help to me.  It would be bad luck and bad karma not to try to befriend someone who needs it.
So...I am your new buddy 1lost.  I can tell you that I am on Day 5 right now and honestly...I don't think I would be without the immodium.  It really does soothe the cravings.  Last two times I WD'd, I couldn't sleep, had restless legs, volcanic diarrhea, not to mention anxiety, depression and irritableness. 
On day 5 I am still sleeping ok, NO RESTLESS LEGS and thanks to the immodium no diarrhea.  Of course...I don't think I'm ever gonna poop again!!! I've found myself a little depressed.  I sat in the bathroom the other day and cried for half an hour Wednesday night and last night I found myself getting a little irritable and snapping at people.  But I soaked in Epsom for awhile and went to bed and today I feel fine.  I haven't even missed a day of work.  
So you see...it's doable...not easy but with the immodium and the Ltyrosine/B6 vitamin/ Valerian root cocktail I take everyday it's manageable.
Right now I have the online pharmacy that I ordered my Tramadol from calling me and sending me "miss you" emails.  So far, I've deleted and ignored.
So...check my profile for an email address and lets set up a time to have an online chat or something.  And thank you for letting me know how you are doing.


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