# Help, I've made a big mistake



## Simply Gone

While I was strung out on Ambien I apparently purchased 4 gray huacaya alpacas by posting a listing on this site and then ironing out a private deal which involved using my moms credit card and lots of money ( http://www.agriseek.com/buy/e/Farm-Animals/Alpacas/)

Help! What does it take to raise alpacas? And can I turn a profit off them maybe? Would disputing the charges do anything? Are alpacas friendly? I already have 2 border collies that roam the backyard, would this be a problem if i were to keep the alpacas?


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## brainslookfunny

> What does it take to raise alpacas?



Alpacas need space to roam, first of all. They will need regular veterinary checkups (expensive) and lots of food (expensive). They also need love and care. You better hope mommy lets you keep using that credit card, because your massive money spending has just begun.



> And can I turn a profit off them maybe?



In your case not really, after you've raised them for years and years you can potentially breed them (assuming you have a male and female) and then sell the offspring, but after all the money you spent raising them you couldn't even break even. You need a larger Alpaca operation to turn any profit.



> Would disputing the charges do anything?



Eh, maybe. Try it.



> Are alpacas friendly?



They all have a different disposition. Some are very friendly and some are downright mean, just like people.



> I already have 2 border collies that roam the backyard, would this be a problem if i were to keep the alpacas?



Depends if you can train your dogs to leave them the hell alone. Well after the first time a dog gets kicked in the face by an Alpaca it will probably learn that anyway.


So I'm curious... what made you think anyone would know anything about Alpacas here?


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## mcwally

---> Dark Side?   8) 

I cant help but rofl, help I bought some alpacas while buzzed on ambien :D


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## Simply Gone

brainslookfunny said:
			
		

> So I'm curious... what made you think anyone would know anything about Alpacas here?




Well I didn't really, but I don't really belong to any message boards that are centered around raising alpacas. And at least by posting here I wouldn't have to distort my story about how I ended up buying alpacas without actually knowing anything about them.


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## brainslookfunny

lol right on


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## swilow

Best of bluelight material here....

Seriously, I NEED to know- why alpacas? Do you normally like them? 

But yeah, I doubt your doggies is gonna like them.

btw- stillnox (as ambien is known as in Australia) has been 'responsible' for all sorts of weirdness, painting doors/eating/driving when asleep. Intoxication on zolpidem is actually probably a fair reason for this.....


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## Simply Gone

swilow said:
			
		

> Best of bluelight material here....
> 
> Seriously, I NEED to know- why alpacas? Do you normally like them?
> 
> But yeah, I doubt your doggies is gonna like them.




Well honestly not really, but there was this commercial that always played in my area about the joys and benefits of raising alpacas,  it cited some website but I can't remember the name of it. Well anyway I'm pretty sure I saw that commercial when I was strung out and it all went down hill from their.


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## monstanoodle

swilow said:
			
		

> Best of bluelight material here....



  Agreed.


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## [eK]

you _"apparently"_ purchased some alpacas?
how does that work out haha!


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## hexcollie

this has got to be some of the funniest shit i have ever read, for your sake I hope you're kidding


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## Psilo707

Hahaha.

I seriously cant tell if the poster is kidding or not. I have a "feeling" its probably a joke, especially since OP has 5 posts, but maybe it isnt.

Either way its not Basic material.. lol. Hey Second Opinion, Im gonna throw this over there but feel FREE to close it if you think its troll. I dont think we've ever dumped our threads on you anyway, so this will be our first 



But its pretty funny if its real. Alpacas? Wtf?


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## mcwally

new packet warning on zolpidem products:

May cause user to purchase hairy South American mammals online while medically asleep.


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## spork

Hey Simply Gone, I'm going to close this. It just seems like trolling to me. Feel free to PM me if this is indeed legit and you would like it reopened though. 

brainslookfunny posted some info that you're looking for and you can check out Google as well.


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## vibr8tor

i'm gonna re-open and move this to the lounge; hope you're ok with that sporkles.  i just feel there's a lot more advice which can be given on the subject


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## GenericMind

EAT TEHM


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## TALLY

Strung out on ambien huh?

What were they all out of banana peels and nutmeg?


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## Chaos23

your border collies are herding dogs, so they will have a field day with your new alpacas. 

I think alpacas spit though, so watch out.  

The Alpaca (Vicugna pacos) is a domesticated species of South American camelid. It resembles a small llama in superficial appearance.

Alpacas are kept in herds that graze on the level heights of the Andes of Ecuador, southern Peru, northern Bolivia, and northern Chile at an altitude of 3500 to 5000 meters above sea-level, throughout the year.

Alpacas are considerably smaller than llamas, and unlike them are not used as beasts of burden but are valued only for their fiber. Alpaca fiber is used for making knitted and woven items, much as sheep's wool is. These items include blankets, sweaters, hats, gloves, scarves, a wide variety of textiles and ponchos in South America, and sweaters, socks, coats and bedding in other parts of the world. 

The fiber comes in more than 52 natural colors as classified in Peru, 12 as classified in Australia and 22 as classified in the United States.

Alpacas and llamas differ in that alpacas have straight ears and llamas have banana-shaped ears. Aside from these differences, llamas are on average 1-2 feet taller and proportionally bigger than alpacas.


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## Chaos23

you can also play football and rugby with them.


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## TALLY

^lol dont those things spit?


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## vibr8tor

of course rugby players spit.  i just don't think it really bothers the alpacas.


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## TALLY

^LOL!!! We could be like our own comedy team.  I line em up and you knock em down!


My name goes first on the billboards though!!


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## vibr8tor

i'm ok with that.  T before V; otherwise they'd be called vantrestites!


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## waylost

If you have a nuclear family your in business.  If my brother done this i would gladly accept one as a gift to use as transport.  Me and one of these niglets picking up weed together?   

helloo helloo


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## artaxerxes

If you decide to prepare them for, say, a family meal, be sure to cook them while on Ambien.

http://liz.vox.com/library/post/the-ambien-cookbook.html


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## felix

there is something weird and creepy about these beasts. they're like evil four-legged ewoks. 






^ ataca porn 






^ ewww


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## GenericMind

I'd hit it.


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## Damien

Where do you live? How much would you sell one for? :D My father has land.


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## spork

^omg sourcing! :D


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## Damien

Shhhhh!
I heard you can peel them and bake their skins in the oven.


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## swilow

Felix, they are gems!!


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## swilow

Wait- is this only funny for moderators or sumthin?? Weirdoes.

AhhhHaaa-


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## Winding Vines

Alpacas are cute.

Though you are a very stupid person, you have my appreciation for how adorable those animals are.

Good choice, much nicer than Llamas and yes, their fur can be shaved seasonally to turn a pretty nice profit.

Though, they do require vet visits twice a year.


/ends animal planet tangent


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## vibr8tor

felix said:
			
		

> ^ ewww




i'm betting big bucks that thing was shaved by TALLY.


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## <MINDETERGENT>

how much did you pay for one of those assgoblins?


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## Pharcyde

swilow said:
			
		

> Best of bluelight material here....




i second this


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## Pharcyde

wait it says this thread has been closed?


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## That_Guy

closed and reopened.  After it's been closed once, it's scarred for life


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## vibr8tor

it's true.  spork tainted it :D


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## That_Guy

I want to taint spork


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## doesntmatter

hmmmmm


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## vibr8tor

you have fountains in your bedroom?!?!  


i've had my share of crazy ambien experiences (pillows turning into people, vampires entering my house through the tv; shit like that) but the end result never included actual farm animals being purchased.   Now i feel like i've been getting me some bunk crap.


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## donkeyPUNCH

i'd like to spork sporks taint.


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## TALLY

^Id spoon sporks poon.


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## lilczey

lol there sooo fucking cute...!!!... i didn't even kno wat it was i had to google it....


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## Beatlebot

We need to know how much you paid for the alpacas.


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## TALLY

vibr8tor said:
			
		

> i'm betting big bucks that thing was shaved by TALLY.



lol Vibby knows my work when she sees it.


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## atri

sell them to cd exchange!!!


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## That_Guy

for $0.08 on the dollar?


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## Lurk

Fucking Win.


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## That_Guy

I'll buy them for $0.09 on the dollar and fill up my deep freeze for the whole summer.  I just hope that I can get enough wool off of them to make it worth shearing them


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## TALLY

I saw on Dirty Jobs where the dude had to shave one of those things and it looked like it was a pain in the ass.  Those things are mean as fuck.


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## the_highest_mormon

im no biologist, but i propose that you cross breed your alpacas with your border collies and make a race of super creatures with the loyalty of a dog and the versatility of an alpaca.


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## sad mafioso

what are you, some sort of biologist?


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## atri

the_highest_mormon said:
			
		

> im no biologist, but i propose that you cross breed your alpacas with your border collies and make a race of super creatures with the loyalty of a dog and the versatility of an alpaca.


of course!
it was right there in front of us all along.

also, make me some of these


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## Edvard Munch

Why does it say this thread is closed when I can obviously post in it?  Is this an early April fools gag that has failed?


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## ClubbinGuido

I am an Administrator now.  I can do that.  This thread is closed because of TALLY'S mom and because I can.  Suck my dick, I'm a staff shark!


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## vibr8tor

the_highest_mormon said:
			
		

> im no biologist, but i propose that you cross breed your alpacas with your border collies and make a race of super creatures with the loyalty of a dog and the versatility of an alpaca.




OMG, Border Pacas are the best idea EVAR!!!   With that kind of intensity, brains, and hardy endurance, they'll take over the fucking world!  %)


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## ClubbinGuido

vibr8tor said:
			
		

> OMG, Border Pacas are the best idea EVAR!!!   With that kind of intensity, brains, and hardy endurance, they'll take over the fucking world!  %)



This thread is closed.  Stop posting before I ban you with my new powers.


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## Edvard Munch

ClubbinGuido said:
			
		

> I am an Administrator now.  I can do that.  This thread is closed because of TALLY'S mom and because I can.  Suck my dick, I'm a staff shark!




The day you become an administrator is the day that you, well, ... would probably become an administrator, which is highly unlikely.  Zing!


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## sad mafioso

you're so witty!


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## ClubbinGuido

Edvard Munch said:
			
		

> The day you become an administrator is the day that you, well, ... would probably become an administrator, which is highly unlikely.  Zing!



Silence.  I can't hear my giant E-Penis pulse.


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## vibr8tor

I own an australian shephard.  all i need to do to fight your powers is breed her with an alpaca, and you'll be totally pwned by an Aussie Paca.   it will rape you silly, so watch it, mister.


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## atri

it will also chug fosters and have a boomerang fetish


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## ClubbinGuido

Tits or GTFO.  I am an Administrator now.


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## atri

hot alpaca titty sucking action for you CG.


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## ClubbinGuido

nom nom nom nom


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## mcwally

wwwwwwwwait a sec they come from s/america right, all ya gotta do is make the alpaca fucas down a few bags of coke/H and get them delivered to your house, shave em make some warm clothes then let the dogs eat em and extract the dope


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## guineaPig

this is possibly the greatest thread i've seen moved to the lounge in quite some time.


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## Chaos23

These are the cutest animals on earth...


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## L2R

^i dunno. that one looks kinda terroristy

you know, like that cross dresser from mash


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## Thou

"I am officially INSULTED, good sir.."


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## TALLY

ClubbinGuido said:
			
		

> I am an Administrator now.  I can do that.  This thread is closed because of TALLY'S mom and because I can.  Suck my dick, I'm a staff shark!



Climb a wall of dicks.


See what I did there?


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## hoptis

ClubbinGuido said:
			
		

> Tits or GTFO. I am an Administrator now.



Only until the all the alpaca poo is gone... then we're going to ban you.


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## TALLY

^You cant ban Jesus.


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## fizzle

Awww they're so cute! I want one! You should make them have babys.

I wonder what a baby alpaca is called.

Oh, and I hope you have a lot of land... and grass... or whatever an alpaca eats.

...and a very forgiving mother.


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## Chicago66

I wish this thread would explode into a ball of flames.


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## TALLY

^Is that a bomb threat?  

EVERYONE PLEASE EVACUATE THE PREMISES!


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## GenericMind

omg Aplacas are SO cute! I totally want one!


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## Pharcyde

^^^OK that proves it you have teh gheys.


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## GenericMind

Um, like, Obvious Town called Pharcyde. They need you home by 5:00. 8)


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## Pharcyde

Damn!


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## GenericMind

That's right betch. You fuck with the Queen Bee up in here and you gonna get stung.


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## Chicago66

this thread and aids are both equally cool


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## flat line

just have mom call the cc company and tell them her fucked up kid went shop'n and bought some bull shit and she aint paying. u just made my day.


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## SubAbusePro1

Says it all


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## Winding Vines

Alpacas Violate The Patriot Act.


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## Simply Gone

this isn't funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP5D2apU2SE

they've been haunting my dreams now.


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## papa

how much did they cost? I hope alpacas pricing is not against the BLUA.


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## atri

only if you plan on plugging them


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## papa

wheeeewww,....then I'm safe.


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## marathonbinge

SubAbusePro1 said:
			
		

> Says it all




haha ewokes!


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## TALLY

flat line said:
			
		

> just have mom call the cc company and tell them her fucked up kid went shop'n and bought some bull shit and she aint paying. u just made my day.



"Living at home is such a drag...and your mom threw away your best alpaca porn mag."


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## Forbosis.

You should take them down to the elementary school and let kids ride them for $5.


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## Winding Vines

I walked in the forest that ewokes live.


haha pedo alpaca! omg cant stop laughing.!


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## ClubbinGuido

hoptis said:
			
		

> then we're going to ban you.


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## crazy_lil_1

ill take them off your hands, i can start an alpaca army!


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## blazer453

Simply Gone said:
			
		

> Well honestly not really, but there was this commercial that always played in my area about the joys and benefits of raising alpacas,  it cited some website but I can't remember the name of it. Well anyway I'm pretty sure I saw that commercial when I was strung out and it all went down hill from their.



Rofl !!!! I know exactly what commercial you are talking about, and I have seen it really high a bunch of times and it never made me think of buying them lol. For your mom to even give you access to her credit card boggles my mind.


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## Bomboclat

ROFL can i ask what the outcome of this was?


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## JointsNRoaches

mcwally said:


> ---> Dark Side?   8)
> 
> I cant help but rofl, help I bought some alpacas while buzzed on ambien :D



I lol'd for real, i think i just woke up my sister. Why dont you sell them on ebay? And just for the record, how much did these alpacas cost?


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## JointsNRoaches

crazy_lil_1 said:


> ill take them off your hands, i can start an alpaca army!



Great. Another gangland war in melbourne!


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## dtrip

Don"t ask us if you can raise them in your backyard..ask your mom!!!!!!!!!!


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## JointsNRoaches

^^^ Better yet, just do it and see how long it takes for her to realise.


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## DOB

This is funniest shit ever!


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## bang that shit

this made me lol


alpacas


HAHAHHAHAHa


iv done some odd shit on ambien but wow...


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## nnizzle

hahahah this is the best thing i've heard all day


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## rollin_stoned

seeing as how it's been a year and a half almost, have the alpacas come in?


xDD this is by FAR the funniest/best thread ever


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## eViLChEf

fucking hilarious! You might want to have a sweater knit outta the alpaca wool for your mom


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## CheMinchia

Pretty much fucking pwned. I think it was all a joke though.


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## anarchogen

how could you be laughing at one mans pain and suffering?
the consequences of this utter dilemma will ultimately lead to a swift, quick and unmerciful demise under the hands of his mother.
those alpacas fates are in his hands now,
godspeed my brother!


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## Ravr

lol


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## pygmycosmonaut

this thread = much win


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## Johnny1

TALLY said:


> Strung out on ambien huh?
> 
> What were they all out of banana peels and nutmeg?



hey man, don't be dissing my drugs of choice.


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## Prophetic

I cant believe you were really that Wired on Ambien to do some dumb shit like that?!

Did you ever recieve said Alpacas?!


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## Unbreakable




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## shlack123

Sounds like someone needs to stay off the Ambien...or at least stay away from any and all credit cards while tripping. Ambien is fun to fuck on and get high on, but the buyer's remorse...

But seriously, I call bullshit on this one too.  Someone watches too much TV...


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## FloWeR_ChiLd

Simply Gone said:


> While I was strung out on Ambien I apparently purchased 4 gray huacaya alpacas by posting a listing on this site and then ironing out a private deal which involved using my moms credit card and lots of money ( http://www.agriseek.com/buy/e/Farm-Animals/Alpacas/)
> 
> Im rofl @ this ..... it's got to be one of the strangest things to have done while of ya face ... all the best with the alpaccas
> 
> lol


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## star1980craft

omg fucking quality


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## largeamount

ambien makes u do really dumb shit i did 50mg once and i was shitting off a balcony -really


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## QuasiStoned

^^^
lol

I dunno if this was trolling or what but I'd like to believe this is real - it's fucking hilarious.


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## O-P-M Dream's

wow now thats got to be the best thing i.v read yet


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## O-P-M Dream's

do peeps reallly get twisted of ambian ?


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## ChemicalBeauty

I lol'd at "ass goblins"


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## lostNfound

bump for the lulz


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## somedud

hahahahahahaha this is why i fucking love this site! :D


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## mgmt&mdma

not gonna lie, this probably made my day

EDIT- not previous, im talking bout the one about the alpacas


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## smackcraft

star1980craft said:


> omg fucking quality



wey hey i knew i had found this funny before and thats why, i just found my reply from my account i couldnt remember ha ha


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## fivelinefury

Well, I used to say that nothing surprises me what people do whilst under the influence of stilnox (ambien), and I used to know this from experience, but the purchase of farm animals has to take the cake lol


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## peacelovedope

I wish I had an alpaca


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## laCster

...lmfao!!


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## nolys

<MINDETERGENT> said:


> how much did you pay for one of those assgoblins?


 
This is by far the funniest comment I have ever seen in my life, easily laughed for 10 mins straight and I'm not even high at the moment!


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## fivelinefury

peacelovedope said:


> I wish I had an alpaca



Go get a prescription for ambien and you might just end up with one haha


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## Jesusgreen




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## Sprout

I have honestly never laughed so much in my entire life.
I have came very close to purchasing a few acres of land and some llamas while sober.
On the basis of what I've learned here; avoid Ambien unless you want an "evil four-legged ewok" or to hybridise dogs and alpacas to use as drug mules.

Just...wow.


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## Condumbpope

Ambien walrus has now been replaced by ambien alpaca


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## InvisibleEye

Hahahaaa best thread e v e r :-D


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## Siccness909

LOL I feel like a failure as a druggie now and will continue to until I buy fucking farm animals unknowingly on various narcotics hahaha holy shit


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## ImagineBetter

I have two alpacas, just give them a flake or two of hay everyday and they're good to go. Some grain in the evening is something they like as well. 
And yeah those little fuckers are pure evil, only reason they put up with me is because I give them food and water.

They're pretty much just small pissed off llamas


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## Nighthowl

Jesusgreen said:


>


Holy shit! That's hilarious!!! Love the responses in this thread! 'Four legged ewoks' 'small pissed off llamas' 'have your dogs eat them and extract the drugs' And I thought hearing people sing to me from my mashed potatoes was bad! Buahahaha!!!!


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## CfZrx

I took an ambien 2nite-first time, and made myself throw it up after reading OP's post. Good night.  I hope.


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## CfZrx

I ended up taking one. one 10. and slept hard.


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## Tweak Thizz

LOL no fucking way, this thread just made my night.
I don't know shit about Alpacas, but Alpaca bowl for you brotha


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## ghostandthedarknes

bump


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## schizopath

Gold


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## thegreenhand

Lmaoo thanks for the bump


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## Simply Gone

Hello relapse row


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## Bonch

Can we get an update from OP? It would make me so happy if they were a full blown Alpaca farmer now!


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## Lauren1978

Simply Gone said:


> While I was strung out on Ambien I apparently purchased 4 gray huacaya alpacas by posting a listing on this site and then ironing out a private deal which involved using my moms credit card and lots of money ( http://www.agriseek.com/buy/e/Farm-Animals/Alpacas/)
> 
> Help! What does it take to raise alpacas? And can I turn a profit off them maybe? Would disputing the charges do anything? Are alpacas friendly? I already have 2 border collies that roam the backyard, would this be a problem if i were to keep the alpacas?


Though this could be a hilarious misunderstanding, since it's "lots of money" and that's NOT YOUR Money -  you must immediately dispute the charges in writing. AND have your mom say it was "unauthorized" and that you're a minor (I hope) and see if she can clear it up without pressing charges AND OR without her card being charged.  

Again, dispute the charges in writing.  This is Not the time to ask about how to raise livestock, it's the time to undo damage and harm you have done to your mom, and are likely to do to some innocent animals.

Good luck.


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## Lauren1978

dalpat077 said:


> Well surprisingly enough "junior" (as I referred to him/her above) was active just yesterday. Maybe we'll get an update! Lol!


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## GodFatherPoppy

Epic. Even if it was bs still epic


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## arrall

This thread is fucking gold, has had my laughing my ass off for the past 5-10 minutes.
I waited far too long to venture into 'Best of Bluelight' and hear of the legend of the Ambien Alpaca Farmer.


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## FuckinAcidMan

AMBIEN

NOT EVEN ONCE


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## TheUltimateFixx

I'm wondering whether he was trying to buy ayahuasca and just mistyped xd


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