# Embarassing sex stories...



## WoozEee

So now is the time to dish.  What are your most embarassing sex stories?  
I was going down on my ex one time when upon closer inspection I realized that he had not wiped properly in the bathroom when he had last visited.  Thankfully I don't tongue the bung, so I was in the clear.  But I was still pretty put off by it.  Needless to say, that ruined the mood for me.  Blech...
I know a guy that dove right into a tampon string, his girlfriend was drunk and had forgetten to inform him that she was on her period.  Ooops.    
Anyone care to share?


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## ocean_dreamer

Not really embarassing, but funny.
My girlfriend and I were just getting hot and heavy  when I slipped out of her with a load "popping" sound. Like the the sound you make with your finger and inner cheek. A second later she farted, but not from the bum. We both collapsed in heap laughing and couldn't have sex after that.


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## hate_the_game

queefing is by far the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me during anything sexual.  this has happened both in oral sex and regular sex, and once i even felt it coming on during him fingering me!  it is soooo freakin' embarrassing, *especially* when his face is right there!
another time that sticks out in my mind is when i was getting freaky in a storage closet at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.  some maintenance men walked in right as the clothes were getting ready to come off!  eeee!
~
me


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## Bunny 23

I think the most embarassing thiing that has happened to me would be his mother walking in.  We were in the 'act' having a great time.  Neither of us heard the knock, all we saw were her walking in and her jaw dropping to the ground in shock!!  I didnt go back there for a few weeks, then she sent me flowers.
Another things that is really embarrassing is the noises from sex, if you know what I mean!!
	
	




		Code:


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## Underpants

Her 3 year old daughter walked in.


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## nowonmai

I had the daughter walk in too... while mum was getting a little spank for being naughty    
and I've gone down on a girl who was on, and didn't tell me... the following morning, walked into the kitchen to get some juice, and everyone just STARED at me.. I was clueless until I looked in the mirror.. not pretty
[ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: nowonmai ]


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## Sleeper Service

Ok then - maybe a long one, so bear with me:

Picture the scene: A sunny day like any other, the location Farnborough College of technology, England, the year 1993
Our hero (me - well duh) is a 17 year old, fresh faced naive little fella, doing his best to consume all the drugs he can get his grubby hands on and find as many women as possible who are willing to get naked for him. (I guess somethings never change - even 9 years down the line eh )

Having spent a happy couple of hours bunking double Chemistry with a young lady who (due to excessive alcohol consumption) seems to be coming more and more willing to let me snog and grope her, the decision is made to take a stroll in the grounds and enjoy a spliff or 4. 

<fast forward 1 hour>

A cloud of smoke and a burst of giggling come from behind a tree - our hero and his latest moll are very stoned and pissed (Make that VERY stoned and pissed) and have made their way to the local park and, after much searching and deliberation have found - what they foolishly think to be - a secluded spot beind a large Oak. By this time our intrepid duo are pretty much naked - there is sucking and fingering and juices and tits everywhere.

All of a sudden, a shadow falls across the copulating couple - an oddly policeman-shaped shadow....."Right you two, get your clothes on - You're nicked! I am arresting you for Outrage of public decency - please come with me"

Panic. Clothes go on and, hanging heads in shame we are escorted round the tree and on to the rather large footpath cutting through the park that in our inebriated state, we failed to notice.

As Sarah (for that was her name) discreetly throws our lump of hash down behind the tree and squeezes her ample charms back into her bra, we overhear the bobby saying "god knows wht you two thought you were up to - did you not know that that (here, he points at a very large municiple looking building not 50 yards from our impromptu hot-bed of passion) is the police station? we have had a steady stream of complaints for the last hour from various old ladies, dog walkers and other people using the park about you two shagging in full view of everyone?"

Cue simultaneuos "Doh" from the pair of us.

A formal caution was our punishment that day - the arresting officer was remarkably cool about the whole thing and in fact, seemed to find it reasonable amusing - especially locking us in (sperate) cells for 3 hours (because they were ttoo under-staffed to deal with us straight away), before proceeding to take our statements along with a lengthy taped interveiw for prosterity.
Needless to say, me and Sarah tended to aviod each other around college after that.
[ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: Sleeper Service ]


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## tbone190

The first time my ex and I were having sex. We were on my bed, all hot and bothered. We were just about at the point of penetration when I was on top. Then all of a sudden, I began having a severe nose bleed. It was all over the place, including on her face.
Luckily she didnt freak out, although I did.


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## *JustaChik*

^^^ Hahaha i just got the funniest vision after reading that!   
I havent got a really embarassing story, apart from one time when my ex and i were getting all hot and he started to finger me to warm me up. Next thing he held his finger out in front of me, and there was blood all over it! My period had decided to come right at that time! Ugh.. i was pretty damn embarassed as it was the second time we were to ever have sex with eahcother and it was still at that "inpressing your new b/f" stage ya know... hehe. Damn. We managed to laugh it off though.
But a friend of mine told me of a time when she picked up this gorgeous guy and took him back to her place to bang him, and during the deed her little puppy jumped up and bit him on the arse!!
Hahaha... i hit the floor when she told me that!


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## Ez-goin

This isn't my story, but I thought it was pretty funny . . .
My friend's gf's parents went away for the weekend so they decided to get a little freaky deaky in the living room. They sex eventually moved to anal and they were really getting into it when the front door opened and her parents walked in the house.
My friend jumped up and ran out the back door but as he did he pulled out so fast that his gf ended up crappin on the floor. You could imagine her parent's reaction upon walkin in to the room and seein their daughter on all fours, neckid, with a pile of shit between her legs. LOL!
Needless to say, by friend was never allowed to see that girl again.


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## WakkaWakka

^^^ That is one of those stories that is so fucked up, it's GOT to be real.


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## shootingStar

A friend told me this story last nite, and i can't resist posting it, it is so hilarious.
He and his girlfriend were in a hotel room, getting freaky with all different foods. they had bought these HUGE strawberries - real big and juicy ones - and he was doing things like pushing them inside her then taking a bite. she was lying on her back, loving it so much that she wanted to get up and have a look. the moment she sat up, the strawberry that he was using at the time got sucked up inside her! it was so big that he couldn't fit his fingers inside her to get it out so there was a general panic going on for about 10 minutes! She was absolutely freaking out about a strawberry being stuck inside her, and he was looking around the hotel room in all the drawers, trying to find something to help him out.
He eventually found a pair of chopsticks in one of the kitchenette drawers and ended up telling her to hold real still while he stabbed the strawberry with a chopstick and slowly dragged it out! 
They were both absolutely freaking out at the time, but its something they both laugh about now.


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## NoriegA

It would have to be when I came in like 10 seconds. Thank God those days are behind me...


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## ChemicalDan

I think i told that one be4.
one night i stayed at my ex's place and we generally were still on fucking terms back then. Anyways I had to get up early so i popped a rohypnol to help me sleep. but I got horny so we started making out and whatnot, all was good.
Back then I had a problem in that i lasted to long most times, but not on this occasion.
we started getting into it, but i came after 3 minutes. now that in it self would be somewhat embarrising but it was really topped off, by me falling asleep rite there inside her 5 sec. after orgasm.
was quite funny... maybe not for her, but it was for me.


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## Underpants

Actually, i have two more that are super hilarious.
Me and a certain girlfriend had been fighting for a couple days and ended up hanging out again.
So of course we have sex, and she starts blowing me.
Keep in mind at the time i wasn't masturbating, so i hadn't had an orgasm in about a week, and for some reason my semen builds up or some shit and i end up shooting like a gallon.  
So the time comes, and i tell her she should maybe not swallow this time because it's gonna be a lot, and she says "you don't have to worry about that, now do you?"
So i was just like "ok"
And BAM, a big huge drop of semen flies out of her nose onto her upper lip.
The worst part was, she sniffed it back up and swallowed it.
From then on i just couldn't look at her the same way.
The other one is, me and a girl i was fucking were hanging out at her house after i brought her home, and things start getting crazy, so we're just screwing like mad, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "damn i'm a hot sexy man".
That day i ended up having anal sex for the first time.
So I finish and i smoke my cigarette and get up and start walking out of the room while I'm all sweaty, and on the way out of the door I say "So can i wash my dick off somewhere in this house?"
And her dad, who had just gotten home says "Yeah, there's a rest room right there."
I decided to use the one at the gas station instead.


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## Sllip

Bit's have fallen of my bed, twice.


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## livenaked

This is an embarrasing story on behave of the dude I was with:
He wanted to go down on me, but I was on my rag. I told him, and said that I had a tampon in so it was up to him if he still wanted to go down or not. So he decided to go down and while he's there he looks up at me all disgusted and said "You have something stuck inside you..."
??????? and if that's not bad enough.....
We decided to have sex (with a towel underneath us) and when we were done and I got off of him, he looks down at his dick and says, "Oh shit you're bleeding!!"
wtf???? I told this dude I had my period!! All I could say to him was, "your mom didn't teach you about these things did she??"
Another embarrassing story on my behave is that I tried (so hard!!) to have sex twice before I could actually get a dick inside me. It was just really frustrating trying so hard to lose my virginity
--DnkHrb (too lazy to get my password)


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## Euphorica513

well i got a couple lil embaressing things. well the whole vaginal fart thing is always funny but ruins the mood.  One time me and my bf were on his bed doin it doggie style and like two min. after we started it was so loud.  I hate doin it doggie style cuz of the whole vaginal fart thing.  All i can do is roll over laughing i cant help it!
Another story is when he was givin me oral and we were in his room but naked.  A couple min. afterward his whole family must of showed up or sumthin.  Like uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc.  So noone knocked or anything and his grandma and mom walked in.  They just stood there as i rustled to get some coverage over my body.  he just stood up and was like "can you knock". i was so embaressed!  We went out to the living room cuz it was his cousins bday.  I got so many weird looks but i stayed there.  They talked to me but they knew what went on.  Well they say first impressions are everything. i wonder what they thought of me? hehe                   
one more i got for yall.  Well i was with my two good friends and we ended up having a threesome.  Me and the two guys i was scared.  So i get on my knees start givin a blowjob to one while im gettin it doggie style.  The whole fart thing starts and the motion of me giving head and me gettin fucked is really messin me up.  It was really hard.  So it got so annoying i just started laughin and that was the end of it.  Also the dog started to bother us and it licked my boob. it was funny and gross!
thats it!
peace~amber


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## Euphorica513

i want more embarresing stories to read i like this post.


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## ~*MEOW*~

you LET your cat suck on your nipple?


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## Tasty Mushroom

errrr, probably the time that i was having sex with my girlfriend in my room.  We were getting rather enthusiastic and pretty vocal. So vocal that we didnt realise how loud the bed was bashing into the wall. (sound travels pretty well in this house)
What we didn't realise was that my parents were having a family lunch downstairs with close to ten people.
All of a sudden we could hear fits of laughter and my brother in law and uncle shouting 'GO GO GO! while clapping in time to us thumping against the wall.
we decided we weren't hungry.
[ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: Tasty Mushroom ]


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## Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR

**bwahahahahahahah* i really love this thread!!
i wish i had sumthing to share.. ugh.. i need to get out more!.. lol


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## quale

So my friend tells me this story about one of his friends going down on his girlfriend slipping up and ending up tongeing her ass.  I tell him this is complete bullshit...I mean how can you miss and end up in the ass?
Fast forward a couple months to trying to go at 69 in the dark guess what I did .
It is kinky if you mean to do it but when you aren't expecting their ass it is quite a surprise.


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## jujube02

most embarrassing thing - i was 17 and very new to sex esp head. i was seeing this 21 yr old guy, someone i was totally infatuated with. after going out to dinner, we went back to his place and i went down on him. i didn't realize my gag reflex was so sensitive and i threw up all over his lap without warning. i ran to the bathroom ashamed. after i cleaned up i came back out and saw that he had cleaned himself up. then he said something that even 7yrs later i still don't know if he was joking. he said, i think somethings wrong with me, this has never happened to me before. i sat there for a few minutes and i finally said something like i'm sorry i got sick. to make matters worse he said it was time for me to go home and on the drive home he was laughing. 
on the vaginal farts - i get a little embarrassed but my b/f moans and gets excited. i think that he kinda takes it as i'm relaxing and he's turning me on. i love him for that.
[ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: jujube02 ]


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## Jabberwocky

so we're all at this party-- back in high school. not one sober person in the house.  my best friend (not at the time) decides her drunk ass is going to lose her virginity in the danky cold basement of the raging house.  as her and the dude are getting all freaky.. he says "Oh shit.. the condom broke"  the broken rubber gets discarded into a half empty beer bottle.  fast forward 2 hours.  a nother guy friend walks down into the dark basement, sits down next to the de-flowered girl and tries hitting on her.  too bad she's completely passed out.  eh, whatever, he shrugs it off and to his surprise finds a half full beer bottle!!  "Didnt think there was any beer left!" he exclaims and merrily chug-a-lug-a-lugs it down.  he stumbles out of the danky dark basement and finds another girl who lures his drunk arse upstairs.  he's going down on her and she's a bloody girl and guess what.....  RALPH RALPH RALPH into her cooch.  vomit in da hole.
*the end*


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## Frosty da snowman

^^^^^^ oh my fucking god that was funny.


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## Samadhi

> Originally posted by ~*MEOW*~:
> *you LET your cat suck on your nipple?*


Jeez, from reading this forum, there are a whole lot more fuckd up things that people do.
From reading that post, it wasn't a fetish or anything...not like she was getting off on it.


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## deeCee

> Originally posted by jujube02:
> *i didn't realize my gag reflex was so sensitive and i threw up all over his lap without warning. *


You mean like this?
warning very gross


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## Ibanezchick

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my boyfriend and one of his ex-girlfriends. He had picked her up at a bar and they had gone back to her house. They thought no one was home and started getting it on in her bedroom...and then her mother barged in and stuck a shotgun in my boyfriend's face. He was terrified so they grabbed their clothes and ran outside, where they continued in her dad's car. 
Ah, the joys of being drunk....


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## *JustaChik*

deecee i am traumatised!!! hahahah!


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## JB

Well it's not hugely embarassing but quite funny.
One time while round at my girlfriends watching TV we decided to get a little freaky.
So sitting on her sofa she climbed on top of me, I undid the top of my trousers and let her sit on top.
So we are fully cloathed except for my balls hanging out with me sitting normaly on the sofa and her facing me with her legs down my side.
Anyway where going at it like crazy when her room mate walks in not noticing what we had just been doing and sat down on a chair to watch TV.
Anyway she thought we where just sitting in a funny possition untill she see my balls hanging out between my jeans.
Fucking priceless.
We had to sit totaly still as to not expose any pussy or the dick burried inside and wait till here room mate had left the room.


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## PsychoKitten

This from a few months ago would have embarrassed the hell out of most ppl. It turned me on something fierce tho.
I'm out for drink with my then partner. We end up at one of my fave places - this really cosy bar with old fashioned booths. So we're sitting there n playing footsie and I decide to umm "slip under the table".
So I'm under there, with my mouth busy and his friends walk into the place, spot him and come over to sit down._ Note: I am still under the table._ They stayed for ages, while I played him like a bloody violin. They stayed so long that in the end I had no choice but to finish him off and pop up back into my seat.
Classy huh, you should have seen the faces on those guys. Figuing i was in for it, i decided to make the most of it and I looked each one in the eye as i wiped my bottom lip with my finger, licked it clean then calmly replaced my lipstick.


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## Euphorica513

that was cute but it makes you look like a pro yaknow.  Wonder what they said after you left hehe!


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## avatarolt

Rock on.


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## expatriate

This embarassing moment is not mine but it happened in my presence so it qualifies. I was on a dbl date in high school with my G/F and my best friend and his G/F. Went to dinner/the movies, the usual stuff, then at the end of the night, it made more sense to take my girl home first. So we drop her off and that leaves me, my best friend and his girl in the car for a 35 mile drive home. I'm driving and they're in the back seat getting freaky. Now bear in mind this is in the middle of NO-WHERE in Indiana, I was driving pretty fast, in excess of 75 mph. My friends girl decides to go down on him in the back seat. Now- she'd been bobbing up and down for a while, his head was all thrown back in the back deck of the rear window, so I'm the only one watching the road. We were rapidly approching a railroad crossing with a significant rise to it. We hit it still at about 75mph, and as we crossed the tracks at that speed, the car left the ground momentarily. Well, ole girl is in the backseat with mouth-full-o-member, and on a downstroke. We hit the ground on the other side and the cars shocks bottomed out and so did she. Now were talking about a girl that had sucked exactly ONE dick in her whole life and it was in her mouth at the time, deep-throating someone was NOT in her sexual repatoire. I hear a loud "GLAAAUGHCK" and I saw in the rear view mirror, she was holding her hand over her mouth. She'd triggered her gag reflex and my homey was about to hammer it home when she gagged, so now he's cummin and she's pukin' in his lap. I was laughing so hard I had to stop the car, she was so pissed she was threatening to walk home and probably would have if not for the remoteness of our location at the time. I giggled most everytime I saw her for weeks, I couldn't help it. I kept seeing her face in the rear view mirror in my mind, her eyes were enormous and her hand was trying not to let her spew, but spew she did. I still laugh when I think about him blowing his load and her pukin all over him. But alas, my lil joke had to remain private, I was threatened with castration if I were to reveal it to a single soul at school, but it didn't stop me from giggling my fuckin' ass off. HAAA HAAA 
PEACE
EXPATRIATE OUT!
[ 06 July 2002: Message edited by: expatriate ]


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## livenaked

i was dating this guy for almost a year and his parents loved me.  it was christmans eve at their house and we were waiting for the rest of the family to show up.  we went into the basement to get it on.  but we heard his mom coming downstairs, so he bolted to a dark corner and i just covered up with a blanket.  she asked me what i was doing and i said, taking a nap cause i didn't feel well.  she got me some hot tea, said she hoped i felt better and started to leave.  i was so relieved to get off so easy, just then she tripped over his pants that had been thrown across the floor and realized what was going on.  before i could do anything, she turned on all the lights and there was my boyfriend butt naked. that was the last christmas i spent at the goldie residence.


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## StEviE MoNT

goin down on a girl with their period and coming back up with a kool-aid moustache


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## trancechyck

^^^^ reminds me of a story i was once told, don't know if its true though but after reading this i think its true! but the stroy ended w/ the guy not minding going down on a chyck then going in2 the bathroom & saying something like 'i loook like freddy kruger' grossed me out, but thats my personal choice!
TC


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## liquidocean

Last week this girl i really dig took a nighttime stroll with me onto the beach to lay by the water's edge and soak up the white-noise vibrations of the crashing shorebreak, and as the energy between us tends to leap from cool to hot and back again, we found ourselves grinding furiously and making out on a lonely-feeling expanse of sand at a time where most people would be out at bars, getting their major-league swerve on. 

As the expansive tendency of heat would dictate, one thing led quickly to another and we found ourselves grinning evil grins and deciding that here and now would be as good a time and place as any to feel each other a little more deeply, with a little more abandon than our first time together.  What is it about fleece tops, breaking waves, sarongs and outdoor sex? 

One would need a machete to cut through the thick air of anticipation as we decided what must happen, will be.
She had abundant swell to ride, my tongue was flowing with her flooding tide.  So we stripped our lower halves and got down to the pleasurable business of fucking, immediately signing on the dotted line.  And despite the funky logistics of sex on the sand, she soon found her express train to lala land.

As she's cumming, these kids a few hundred feet away coincidentally, i should say simultaneously, fire off some bottle rockets into the water, unaware i think, of our presence.  The 'bonus fireworks' synchronize quite nicely with her own internal show, and all is quite fine and dandy in her world.
We switch positions and i am just starting to find a comfortable rhythm, just starting to feel the potential flavor of fucking this awesome creature.  Fucking like I Like To Fuck on my birthday thank you.  Energy, synergy, chemistry, it's time to tear her asunder.  

Out of the blackness a hovering police chopper decides it's time to supremely block my cock and ice my vibe by shining his spotlight on us, causing us naturally to get a couple more tasty pumps in before we scurry to pack up and roll.  Uh-oh, naughty kids having public sex, beware the reach of the long arms of the law.  

I have yet to properly fuck this woman, and it's driving me up the wall.  I see my dick in the eerie glow of the helicopter spotlight, and wonder if i'll ever see it through a mosaic filter on Cops.  We make light of the situation and return to the walking path.  I now curse those blasted kids, only allowing me a teasing taste of her before spoiling my despoiling of her yummy body and vibe.

The reinforcements pour in as an ATV piloted by a uniformed protector of the peace comes in to question us as to our activity.  When asked, the girl straight-up admits to having sex on the beach, shocking me and catching him off-guard.  He then gets to the Meat of the Matter, catching us by suprise by asking us if we were The Ones Shooting Off Fireworks.  We respond dumbfounded, wondering what sort of sexual acrobatics and zen mastery would be necessary to achieve both at the same time.  
We point him in the vague general direction of the alleged perpretators and ask the cop for a light.  He obviously has none and bodes us well as he slips into the darkness of the night, his two-stroke hum a laughing reminder of this funny episode.  More like a another cosmic mocking from the mysterious origin: she gets an orgasm and fireworks, i get the romantic glow of helicopter spotlights.


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## kebo

After a long day of snowboarding, me and my gf at the time are coming down the mountain in the gondola. My friends are in the next gondola and can't see so we start going at it doggy style.  Well I don't know why exactly but it turns out there was a gondola full of people going up the mountain.  I didn't see them but my friends in the next gondola said all they saw was a gondola full of people laughing and giving each other high fives.


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## swEEt Azzz SuGa

ok yea, its all about qweefing!! i have this thing that i dont fart in front of ppl, even my bf, so when he heard me qweef (of course it had to be extremely LOUD!) he started cracking up and kept making fun!!
also, getting caught is quite embarrassing.  1st by my parents...then last week down by the river (we were outside, he was behind me and i was all bent over and moaning and some dude walks by!!)...then tonight actually! -we parked behind some shed type thing that was beside a big field...we thought it was pretty secluded...until the cop drives by shining his spotlight on us!! i was straddling him n the drivers seat with my pants off, so i jumped over and we took off with a quickness!!


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## guimauve

this stuff is gold - anyway my own little story holds a special place near my heart. Me and the ex are having fun in her bedroom - parents are home but the door is closed and they know to knock...however there is a knock on the door - dad says "dinner's ready" - ex g/f - "yeah i'm coming" and the dad laughs and says "no no, didn't you hear me - i said dinner is ready" - and walks off laughing his head off. Great family dinner it was too.


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## AllEyezOnMe

well we're both naked and im getting sucked off by a fine blonde on her sofa, im facing her room door. 
i close my eyes in (and on!) ecstasy and open them to find her flatmate has walked in, skimpily dressed cos its early morning- looking for a CD!
not really embaressing for me, in fact it was more of a turn on!!


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## CopperIce

A while ago, my boyfriend at the time was telling me about an embarrassing moment he had with his ex girlfriend.  They were getting down and dirty and in the middle of all the action he let one rip, loud.  
So of course the same night he told me the story, the same thing happened again...but to me.  I guess there's nothing like easing someone elses bad moments by recreating them yourself.


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## CrankItUp077420

Some of these stories are just  lololol awful


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## Yesterday

Ok, so I can't compete with a lot of these, but I'll try.
First time I have sex with my ex, we were both home on break and he was living at home with his very cool mom and dad who had no problems with me (the girl he had been dating for like 2 weeks) sleeping over engaging in loud sexual activiy in the next room (weirded me out).  So yeah, we go to have sex and I knew that I was like a day away from gettng my period so we skipped the condom and just went for it.  
8 and a half pumps later... just kidding, the boy held out for nearly five minutes... umm yeah, I jump up to go to the loo and I realize, "hey, I got my period" I walk back to his room and he is standing, staring at his bed scratching his head, and there is a pie-plate sized pool of blood right smack in the middle.  He looks at me and hes like "I think you got your period"  Now, I'm halfway between running out of the house in humiliation and fainting from the sight of my blood, but suprisingly he was very cool about it, he ripped the sheet off the bed and threw it in the hamper for his mom to wash (I don't think so!) and we made the bed together and slept happily that night.... awww happy ending


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## hate_the_game

^^^^ something similar happened to me last week
boyfriend's parents are out of town -- perfect opportunity for some full out, loud, multi-position love-making.  we start doing it on his parents chair, and then we're like wait, let's do something different since we can take the opportunity of having a house over a backseat for once.  (dont' get me wrong, i LOVE the backseat)
so i get *off* and he looks at me and he's like uh, babe uh..... so i look and there is blood all over his member.  mortifying, let me tell you.  and i was like baby i'm so sorry, i had no idea ( i blame this on the shot) but i figured maybe something got "torn" up there because i had no clue i had started my period and i didn't feel it.  so i just told him that it wasn't that, something must have just gotten triggered.  so that was that.
we went to "wash up" and he comes back and he's like "i don't think we triggered anything, it was already there because it was on my fingers" 
that was so friggin embarrassing.  
sorry for the graphic details.
~
me


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## hurting__tom

this is embarrising for her an accomplishment for me:
about 5 years ago when i was 17 i banged some chick that was pretty much a slob so it took about 2 hours from the time i met her...me and my friends had this point game where kissin a girl is 1, feeling her up is 5 etc etc i went for the 500 point bonus...after i had sex with her i stood over her put one foot on her stomach, started beating my chest, yelling "score" so i tell everyone, no one believes me so the next nite i did it again while they recorded it....she even called the next day.....


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## Idiosynkrasia

Years ago my ex-roomy and I had been parting at in a motel. One of those all weekend, cheap motel, beer and cocaine parties. She had brought her boyfriend and his cousin. The cousin and I hit it off right away but didn't have any privacy to do much about the growing sexual energy between us. The next morning we decided to take a shower together thus allowing some privacy to relieve ourselves. We agreed I would give the cue by saying "I'm going to take a shower" he would wait a couple minutes and then casually walk in the bathroom and go from there. Well I gave the cue to take a shower but once in the bathroom realized the previous night of drinking beer and doing lines had caught up with me and I really needed to take a shit. Thinking I would have a few minutes before he joined me I turned the shower on and then sat down to do my business. The toilet in the bathroom was right next to the door of course. I guess he couldn't wait because before I was finished he came walking in, saw me sitting there and realized what I was doing, said "oh sorry" and left. I was sooo embarrassed! I guess it didn't bother him too much because he did end up joining me in the shower that morning. When we got out of the shower we joined my roomy and her bf and noticed a dirty tampon lying beside their bed. The guy I was with pointed it out and started laughing hysterically. I think she was more embarrassed that I was!  Anyway, this guy and I ended up seeing quite a bit of each other after that and any time I acted shy around him he reminded me of the time he walked in on me taking a shit. It actually really helped me feel comfortable around him. As if the worst had already happened.


----------



## CBRworm

This was embarrassing to me, funny to others.  I was a senior in high school, and liked this girl, S, in my physics class, I was trying to pull off the act of innocent, nice guy.  a friend of mines parents were out of town so I was staying there for the weekend.  My friend goes to a party, and I know he won't be back for many hours, probably not tonight.  I hook up with this other girl, T, and take her back to his house.  She and I are on the floor in the living room going at it, when the front door opens, and about 20 people walk in.  Apparently the party my friend was at was busted, so he brought everyone back to his house.  I wouldn't have been too embarrassed, except that the girl I liked (S) was in the crowd, and saw me on the floor with Tammy.  I never did hook up with stephanie.
Edited to protect the innocent
[ 12 August 2002: Message edited by: CBRworm ]


----------



## *PoRn*sTaR*

I think i need to get some, its been wayyyyyy too long and I have no stories


----------



## TJ

Most embarassing thing happened 11 years ago. It was about 2am. I had bedroom light on inside. I found out too late that even with the bedroom blinds pulled all the way down, without curtains in the apartment,  if it is dark out and the light is on inside AND someone stands with his hands cupped to the little tiny section that holds the blinds together,(the string that holds the blinds together and the little holes that allow for binding) you can pretty much see what's going on. I had been horny one night and was masturbating with a dildo a long time. I became aware of this tapping noise. I stopped. Then the noise stopped. 

It started up again 15 minutes later. This time I knew someone was definately at my bedroom window. I put a robe on, and peeked out the blinds. This guy was standing there asking me to let him in cause some guys were threatening to kick his ass. 
I called the cops and while I waited for them to show up, he knocked again. This time he said "Let me in. I want a woman to please me." He then proceeded to go around the entire apartment trying to get in any windows, or doors, but they were locked. 

I called the cops back and told them what he said. I asked them to please come immediately. They caught him as he was climbing the wall of my small backyard and arrested him. I had to identify him through the window. They asked me if I wanted him arrested and I said yes. I heard him asking the cops, "What's going on?," to which a lady cop said, "I don't know, but I think your under arrest." Shortly after that he was taken to the gray bar, but that was pretty bad. Fuck knowing he saw everything...oh well. I complained to the apartment manager and she had curtains put on my windows after that.


----------



## Physix Media

> Originally posted by TJ:
> *Most embarassing thing happened 11 years ago. It was about 2am...*


Jesus!  That's not embarrassing that's downright SCARY!!!!
THank goodness you're ok.
-physix


----------



## corruptor97

Well last night a girl that I have started to see recently and I were in my truck and it started to get hot and heavy so I said/suggested that we get it on in the truck ( I have a Quad cab turck, so it would not be that hard to do something in there) anyway she agrees and says for me to pull into the driveway ( we could not go in inside her house because her cousin and kids were in there, and she has no bedroom) so we get it on, and after we are done I look to my left and I see her neighbor sitting on his porch looking at my truck, well I do have tinited windows the only thing is that she left her shirt on and it was a white shirt at that, so I can imagine that he saw something white moving up and down and front to back, all while my truck is rocking, and her moaning.  So we leave to go get something to drink and come back 2-3 minutes later and the fucker is still sitting on his porch (I do not know about you, but if I see my neighbor is fucking/getting fucked I do not want to see it)  But it is his yard, and we were outside so hey what are you going to do right?  I drop her off and I left.  Another thing is I know my girl didn't know that her neighbor had been watching us.  And I intend to keep it that way.


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## liquidocean

^ It's should be understood that the courteous thing to do when noticing other people having sex is not to gawk and stare forever, but get a quick look then bail.


----------



## Sweetpea

^
|
or hide in the bushes 
(they sell travel size astroglide)


----------



## DjIgnite

> Originally posted by PsychoKitten:
> *This from a few months ago would have embarrassed the hell out of most ppl. It turned me on something fierce tho.
> I'm out for drink with my then partner. We end up at one of my fave places - this really cosy bar with old fashioned booths. So we're sitting there n playing footsie and I decide to umm "slip under the table".
> So I'm under there, with my mouth busy and his friends walk into the place, spot him and come over to sit down. Note: I am still under the table. They stayed for ages, while I played him like a bloody violin. They stayed so long that in the end I had no choice but to finish him off and pop up back into my seat.
> Classy huh, you should have seen the faces on those guys. Figuing i was in for it, i decided to make the most of it and I looked each one in the eye as i wiped my bottom lip with my finger, licked it clean then calmly replaced my lipstick.*


marry me.
most embarassing, huh? i'll make it short and simple.
'96, yankee stadium, blow job, big screen.
[ 09 August 2002: Message edited by: DjIgnite ]


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## trancechyck

lmao DjIgnite u poor bugger~!! ... but nice !!! i wish i was that adventurous!


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## TJ

This didn't happen to me personally, however one night when I was out with friends, this guy told me this story. OMG I coulnd't believe it. I thought it was funnier than fuck. I know I'd have been 50 shades of red had it been me instead of him. 

The Slave

One night Danny, TJ's roommate brought home this 21 y/o black woman that happened to be a dominatrix. Neither TJ or Crystal (TJ's name for alter ego on speed) had never actually met one before. She couldn't remember exactly when these events occured, but it was in 1997 between the months of Jan and June.
In those days at that time, she was happy cause she did what she loved doing best. Snorting speed, mixing speed into a soda and drinking it, or putting speed in empty capsules to carry with her with the straw and the mirror were just not practical. 

Psychologically, she enjoyed the line more because unlike with a pill or soda, she could see how much she was doing and feel like she actually consumed it, having seen it slowly disappear up her nose. Of course, TJ loved Crystal and enjoyed her company in a variety of ways.

It was during this time period that she had worked solely as an exotic dancer. Crystal was great at dancing and always alot of fun to take to parties. She was also very sociable, and as it was most of the time, TJ and Crystal were having a great time.
Although they had great fun when it was just the two of them, neither of them minded meeting new individuals and the company of others. Unbeknownst to most people or strangers back then, the person they were introduced to as TJ, had no way of knowing they were really chatting with Crystal Hyde. They were one and the same, similar, yet very different and took turns seeing the world, as opposed to one or the other remaining dormat in the closet.

85% of the time, Crystal was the one lurking about, going about life sharing one body, but different minds.  The other 15% of the time TJ would perhaps come join the world and have her turn in their shared life on the outside. 

Although Crystal during those times of 1997 would be the one to dominate the show, TJ didn't mind kicking it in the closet while simultaneously tripping on her partner and soul sister in crime, the funny, most off the wall, and outgoing Crystal Hyde.
The night Danny brought home his friend Sandy,  Crystal/TJ became quite fascinated when Sandy told her she had an actual dungeon at her home. She worked for herself, making money from her clients by being a Dom. Of course when Sandy invited TJ to go to her house the next night so she could see her home and her dungeon, she jumped at the chance.

Sandy told TJ to be there at 5:00pm. Crystal came instead 5:00pm TST. Tweeker Standard Time which translated that night to 8:00pm PST. Hearing comments and/questions pertaining to the fact she was a bit late, were like more common than not. Crystal would always give some off the wall explanation, and the entertainment value depended entirely upon the mood/trip she happened to be riding at the moment.

No one ever knew with Crystal, but she could always be counted on to be amuzing, bizarre, and happy, if nothing else. When she finally arrived at Sandy's TST, she was introduced to her boyfriend a white man that had remarked many times that he wanted some chocolate that night. Sitting across from him was a very handsome man, probably in his early 40's. He was tall, had a tone/muscular build, a full head of silvery/black hair dressed in a suit. He was kicking back, socializing, and drinking a beer.

It was an added form of pleasure when Sandy introduced the gentleman as her slave. He said after their weekly session he wanted permission from his Mistress to take us all to Bennihanna. So after Sandy gave Crystal a tour of the dungeoun, TJ saw and heard everything and listened as Crystal asked all sorts of questions and was shown some exotic equipment used for recreation and entertainment favored by the dom/slave and S&M culture.  

There was a sort of cage especially suited to those adult baby slaves or that would benefit a great deal from being in a cage. Then there was a cross shaped device used for standing a slave up and strapping them securely down and of course a varity of floggs, chastity belts, handcuffs, nipple clamps, chains, collar and leash, and some sort of torture device  that looked alot like the iron maiden, built not to kill, only to cause exquisite pain.
Sandy explained that the Dom/Slave thing was 90% mental trip and the other 10% actual hands on type deal. Going back out to the room to rejoin the slave and Sandy's boyfriend, Crystal loved to tell about the joys of her job as an exotic dancer. Sandy had said she thought being a Dom was easier, as one didn't have to fiddle around with removing the many layers of garments, undergarments and putting them on, changing in the right fashion.

Of course Crystal loved it. She loved dancing. She loved music, and she loved stripping cause she was performing. There was nothing more she loved than being on stage. When one of them asked if she minded doing a show for them, Crystal of course was delighted. She had brought with her, the special mix of music suited to whatever role she wanted to play. And role play she did right there in the living room as Sandy and the slave took photos at her request.

After all the energic, fun, wild dancing, she switched to a "fuck me come hither sort of role" and stripped to sexy soul and rhythm and blues. When she was finished, she was decorated with frilly lace on her arms, legs, stomach, groin, but her breasts and exposed firm cheecks could be viewed surrounded or peeking out of necklace beads and lace. The feather was the final touch.
At the end of the show she let the feather run over every crevice of her body and exposing her pose sitting with legs wide opened, but crotch covered by see through frail type material resembling a face through a veil. Partially seen/partially hidden. Taking some water and letting it fall off those small, perky tits that were great for taking shots of anything running right from the tit to the mouth, her show ended. 

The slave stood up, giving a standing ovation, then the other 2 followed suit. Standing  there and changing from her teddy and lace into her evening dress right in front of everyone so her attire was acceptable for the restaurante, TJ listened intently as the slave was so taken   he said,"That was beautiful, sensual, and  hot! Damn you got me horny and now my cock hurts!,"
Then  he said that he was wearing a metal chastity belt his Mistress had ordered him to wear that very moment. "Really?" asked Crystal. "And," the slave went on to explain only his Mistress had the key. Of course, it was exquisitely painful he said any and every time he got hard. "Here would you like to see?" asked the slave. Crystal answered in the affirmative. "Well I'll be damned," said Crystal. There was no getting out of that contraption alright. There had been a small screen allowing for the passage of urine. 

This was so fascinating and funny that she forgot to ask what happened if he needed to do #2. There were 2 other little bits of amuzing information he passed on. He said that his wife became most irritated by it because that meant no sex for a week. "Your're married?," Crystal asked even more amuzed. "Married with 2 kids and my wife knows all about my weekly sessions with my Mistress," he said. This story kept getting better and better.

On the way over to Bennihanna, Crystal rode with the slave in his car and Sandy and her bf in theirs. He indicated that he wore that chastiy belt quite often and he loved it. He loved everything about being a slave. He looked like a CEO or executive. She found it amuzing wondering what his high powered collegues would have to say or think if they knew of their boss/collegues submissive proclivities. The last bit of his most delightful tale was the best though. 

One night he had had one or two too many beers and of course the cops pulled him over. Actually he wasn't rip roaring drunk, but enough to be escorted and cuffed to remain an overnight guest of The Gray Bar. He was booked, fingerprinted, questioned, the whole nine yards. His real entertainment began when the cops found out he was wearing a gift from his Mistress. 

Of course they asked him all kinds of questions. Cops have very inquiring minds. But the mental picture she got when the cops first became aware he was wearing a chastiy belt, then the looks on their faces when he told them the chastity belt belonged to his Mistress  was worth money. 

Her favorite part was when they demanded that he take it off. Of course he told them he couldn't because only his Mistress had the key. Then they tried to get it off themselves repeatedly and they couldn't. So finally his Mistress recieved a phone call from his hosts at The Gray Bar informing her that they had one of her slaves in custody and they would very much appreciate her cooperation in producing the key, as chastiy belts were not acceptable attire and insisted all guests refrain from wearing them. 

They would be locked away in a special safe and returned to him at the end of his stay. Since they put it like that, how could she find it in her heart to refuse? "That was most embarrassing indeed," said the slave. "I guess so," said Crystal laughing and enjoying the fuck out of his tale. Once at the restaurante, Crystal sipped on a coke as the others ate dinner. Had her alter ego/soul sister TJ been present that night instead of merely observing, a coke is still all she would have consumed.

Both Crystal and TJ hated sea food anyway, which is what Crystal had said. At least it was cheaper for the slave. After the restaurante, the slave deposited Crystal in front of her car. Both Crystal and the slave bid Sandy and her bf goodnight. "Goodnight Mistress," he said. "See you next week." "It's definately been a very enjoyable evening," said Crystal to the slave. "You try to be a good boy now and maybe your Mistress won't find it necessary to enforce this discipline," she said to the slave. He only grinned, and like all true slaves, indicated that he would not be a good boy. Some things never change.


----------



## mashead testing

> Originally posted by TJ:
> *Most embarassing thing happened 11 years ago. It was about 2am. I had bedroom light on inside. I found out too late that even with the bedroom blinds pulled all the way down, without curtains in the apartment,  if it is dark out and the light is on inside AND someone stands with his hands cupped to the little tiny section that holds the blinds together,(the string that holds the blinds together and the little holes that allow for binding) you can pretty much see what's going on. I had been horny one night and was masturbating with a dildo a long time. I became aware of this tapping noise. I stopped. Then the noise stopped.
> It started up again 15 minutes later. This time I knew someone was definately at my bedroom window. I put a robe on, and peeked out the blinds. This guy was standing there asking me to let him in cause some guys were threatening to kick his ass.
> I called the cops and while I waited for them to show up, he knocked again. This time he said "Let me in. I want a woman to please me." He then proceeded to go around the entire apartment trying to get in any windows, or doors, but they were locked.
> I called the cops back and told them what he said. I asked them to please come immediately. They caught him as he was climbing the wall of my small backyard and arrested him. I had to identify him through the window. They asked me if I wanted him arrested and I said yes. I heard him asking the cops, "What's going on?," to which a lady cop said, "I don't know, but I think your under arrest." Shortly after that he was taken to the gray bar, but that was pretty bad. Fuck knowing he saw everything...oh well. I complained to the apartment manager and she had curtains put on my windows after that.*


Shouldnt this be in the erotic stories thread?


----------



## Blue_DragonFly

> Originally posted by *PoRn*sTaR*:
> *I think i need to get some, its been wayyyyyy too long and I have no stories    *


yeah I know that one well ...


----------



## sXbomb

Back in high school I was "dating around" and lacking a better place to go this guy and I decided to park at the desolate end of a dead-end street.  We start to have sex when this cop pulls up, gets out and knocks on the window. The cop politely walked away a minute & the poor boy was all flustered and hurrying to get his clothes on while I took my sweet old time. The cop returned and tapped on the glass again.  I still wasn't dressed so I yelled to him to "hold on a minute" as I opened the car door to be able to stand and put on my panties and pants.  My boy and the cop were a little embarassed at that.
Well, the next week I was with the boy in the park under the kiddie slide (it was boxed in fort-like).  We're going at it when we see headlights.  Next, the search light is scanning the park and detects us moving under the slide to put our clothes back on. We dress then get out from under the slide and walk up to the cop car.  We were busted by the SAME cop!


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## TJ

> Originally posted by masheadatronic:
> *
> Shouldnt this be in the erotic stories thread?*


No it should not! I certainly found nothing erotic about doing what I was doing only to find out some dick head was spying on me. And yeah to repeat that was EMBARRASING as hell.


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## TJ

That's funnier than fuck! That was definately a kodak moment. Hehehe.
Ok one more time. The chick who got busted by the same cop twice was funny. I've not been successful doing the " " thing....so last time. Hope it works this time.
[ 12 August 2002: Message edited by: TJ ]


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## KandyXXX

My experience could have been mortifying had i not been with a boyfriend i'd been with for years and was totally comfortable with.
We're messing around and stuff, and its dark, and i reach for the ky jelly and rub it on his penis and start playing with it, and as I'm doing it, I'm thinking 'gee the ky jelly smells nice' and then i start thinking 'hang on, it doesnt normally have a smell', and i kind of panic, turn on the light and instead of ky ive accidently grabbed a tube of swaschkoff hair gell/wax and have put that all over him.
He wasnt too impressed, but i have to say, i havent laughed that much in ages. Ahh, you just have to laugh these things off...


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## Azurae

My boyfriend and I were up in my room (this is when I still lived with my parents), we thought that we had the whole house to ourselves for the weekend, as my parents were out of town and my little brother was at HIS girlfriend's house.  
We had sex on the floor in my room and then when we were done we went downstairs (buck naked) and he started to make dinner and I was playing the piano.
Suddenly, I heard the front door opening and I panicked, frozen naked at the piano like a deer in the headlights.  
My brother opened the door.  He was carrying a suitcase which he dropped on the ground.
"Kenny!" I said, my heart racing.  He didn't reply, he just stood there looking shocked.  My little brother hadn't seen me naked since I was, probably about 7 or something, and I feel sorry for him because I would NEVER want to see him naked.  Especially at the piano.  
ack
"Oh my god, whose suitcase is that?" I said.
"Dad's!" my brother said.  
I screamed to my boyfriend to get dressed and I ran upstairs.  My Dad must have been bringing in something from the car or maybe my little brother was stalling him, but my boy and I were able to get our clothes on before my Dad came upstairs with his luggage.
"Oh, hi Dad!" I said, trying to sound casual.  
"Good Lord," said my father, wrinkling his nose.  "It smells like a French whorehouse up here."
I am so dead, I thought.  I am so, so dead.  I have no idea what my boyfriend was thinking, but probably something along those same lines.
"Your brother wears so much goddamned cheap colonge," my Dad said.  "It stinks up the whole house."
-Aura


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## sXbomb

^
LMAO!!!!


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## Pollux

Well this was about 4 years ago, my gf and I were downstairs in her room, kissing/groaping/fingers roaming etc.
We were almost to the point of ripping each others remaining clothes off and fucking like bunnies (I had my boxers on, she had most of her clothes on) when, without a knock, mom walks in.
If not for a strategically placed blanket, it would have been all over. There would have been no "explaining it" my tent was _raised_  
"Dinner is almost ready, what are you two doing?"
"Just resting mom"
As it turns out, I pulled off being tired quite well.
Good idea for a topic!


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## Alf

My friend Joel and I were working hard to beat the last Zelda right before the new one came out.  We spent days straight sitting in his living room, getting high and making sexual innuendos at each other. We finally beat the game and as a celebration we convened to his room to smoke. His parents and younger sister were asleep down the hall.  
We both collapsed onto the bed and then half-turned to each other to talk, and all of a sudden we were making out and ripping off our clothes. We went at it for a while and had just changed positions when I looked up and noticed his dad standing in the doorway, holding a bat.  I had NO IDEA how long he had been standing there, staring at me on top of his son.
We both covered up as quickly as we could... turns out he had heard me making noise and thought there was someone in the house attacking his daughter.
I still haven't been back to their house.


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## IWoody

My most embarrasing... not very
I had a party a few weeks back where I hooked up with a girl that came after going out and drinking WAY too much we came home with some friends who were crashing here. we all came upstairs to my room for a while where I kicked em out for some shagging fun
half an hour later we are at it drunk as skunks then silly me thinks time for her to be on top so I grab her and roll on to my back. Not knowing that there is no bed there BANG we hit the ground and kept going right there.
Next morning friend whoo stayed downstairs "hey woody did you fall out of bed??" 
Me:"Ummm no oh thats right"(where i remember falling out of bed)
Friend" thats right what??"
me:"oh I fell over looking for my ciggies"
Sorta got out of it...
On a funnier not I remember going to a house warming party where the girl who lived there had a whole bunch of friendss from out of town staying. She was giving the grand tour of the house and walks in to the "Spare" roomabout 10 people behind her she turns on the light. One of her high school mates was getting it from behind (backs facing us) and it took them till the laughter to realise that the light was turned on. Now that would be embarrassing.


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## danathebum

I was giving head for the first time in a car, and these little kids came up and started looking in the window, then their parents were comming to get them and it was scarry and embarresing, yeah thats my story.


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## clop

Look I'm sorry but these stories are just not cutting it. Being caught or observed engaged in some kind of sexual activity is hardly a chart topper in the embarrassment stakes.. you lot would make lousy porn stars. And what's the big deal with blood round your mouth? Oh come on.
*** EMBARRASSING ***


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## clop

> Originally posted by CBRworm:
> *This was embarrassing to me, funny to others.  I was a senior in high school, and liked this girl, S, in my physics class, I was trying to pull off the act of innocent, nice guy.  a friend of mines parents were out of town so I was staying there for the weekend.  My friend goes to a party, and I know he won't be back for many hours, probably not tonight.  I hook up with this other girl, T, and take her back to his house.  She and I are on the floor in the living room going at it, when the front door opens, and about 20 people walk in.  Apparently the party my friend was at was busted, so he brought everyone back to his house.  I wouldn't have been too embarrassed, except that the girl I liked (S) was in the crowd, and saw me on the floor with Tammy.  I never did hook up with stephanie.
> Edited to protect the innocent
> [ 12 August 2002: Message edited by: CBRworm ]*


And CBRworm, what the fuck was the point of calling her S all the way through your story and then giving her full name right at the end?!
clopster


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## Emeril

Calling the girls S and T and then revealing their names at the end of the story while saying 'to protect the innocent' is considered humorous by most humans.


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## PsychoKitten

In Australia it's illegal to sell handcuffs without a safety release, however my then boyfriend was a bit of a smart ass and decided they'd be better if he shaved the release off, which was fine cause we had the keys on a hook near the bed.
So we're staying at a swanky hotel on a dirty weekender when he gets the cuffs out and we start playing which was great until we get to the uh-oh moment where he realises he didn't pack the keys. So what does he do? He calls the concierge who says he'll send a maintenance man up. 3 maintenance men later and I'm still cuffed to the bed naked with a sheet over me, waiting for the locksmith to arrive.
Everyone in the hotel knew, and for the rest of the weekend we couldn't go anywhere without people getting the giggles when we charged things to our room, not to mention that the 3am call out fee from the locksmith put a bit of a dent in our budget.
[ 25 November 2002: Message edited by: PsychoKitten ]


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## ez_555

this is just one of the many stories that happened to a friend of mine who always tries kinky shit with her boyfriend.
one night they were getting a bit tired of the usual fucking and so the boyfriend goes into the kitchen in search for vegies. he finds a cucumber in the fridge but thinks that it will be too cold and hurt his girlfriend- or atleast be uncomfortable.  he puts it in the microwave for afew minutes and heads proudly back in to bed.  he shoves the cucmber up her pussy and then my friend lets out an almighty scream as the cucumber bursts, releasing hot, bubbling and burning cucumber juice. she cried non stop for houuuurrs.
another time the same couple were "experimenting" with a mobile phone on vibrate and a pencil.  they think they hear the guys mum coming down the hallway and my firned jumps up.  the pencil gets stuck and she searches for it for 1/2 hour until she finally pulls it out.
oh brother..


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## Noodle

One time I got a serious charlie horse in my leg while giving my last girlfriend a good pounding.
I had to roll off of her.


----------



## sydpinkroger

About 2 years ago my then girlfriend and I had been out drinking at the bar.  We get home and start going at it.  Now we are both totally shitfaced by now, to the point where neither of us can stand or walk very well.  We decide we want to get a little freaky so we break out the handcuffs.  I handcuff both her hands to the top of my bedpost.  So I go down on her and the next thing I remember is the sun shining in the windows and my back being really sore.  I look up and low and behold there’s my ex girlfriend still naked, and still handcuffed to the bedpost.  She had finally fallen asleep sitting up.  Turns out my back was so sore from her kicking me for about five hours straight before she finally gave up .  I’m a really sound sleeper especially when I have been drinking.  There’s no waking me up until I’m ready to get up.  We didn’t see much of each other after that.


----------



## snap

My wife and I are visiting grand parents at an old folks condo.  We decide to stop the elevator between floors so we can get kinky and have a little sex in the only place with any privacy.  With both of our pants around our ankles and her mouth sucking my throbbing cock, all of a sudden the elevator doors open and a bunch of old people gasp in horror at the sight of us and they all just stare and watch as I try to fold and stuff an erect penis back into my pants and as my wife bends over shooting them all a full asshole and beaver shot as she bends over to pull up her pants.  
It seems that we didn't actually stop the elevator between floors, but rather had stopped at a floor, and had simply pushed a button that kept the door closed.  Those that are still alive are probly still talking about us.


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## brcbrc

Being caught in the act is bad , but at least it carries some kudos with it. There was a girl that I'd fancied for a long time, and we finally decided to have sex (my first time). When it came down to it though, i couldn't get out of my head the story that my friend had told me about not being able to get it up. Sure enough, I flopped. There was much despair, and I ended up going to see the school councillor. Somehow the girl came back to my house the next weekend, and having been psyching myself up for a week, I was petrified of the same thing happening. So when I got an erection I was delighted, and was only concerned with keeping it. As I got into position, finally about to lose my virginity, the goal in site...Oh dear - just couldn't control myself and ended up all over her before she'd even touched me. 
I think I win.


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## sexyraver42069

ok this one time i was having sex w/ my ex had so many diffrent things happen it was just horrible ok.....
first off when we start out he cant stay hard b/c of the affects of some drugs he had taken earlier finally that problem got solved the this much older guy walks in us and just starts to carry on a conversation w/ my man who is basically just say yeah uh huh ok to the guy so i tried to stop so they could talk or whaever but my guy grabs my hips and makes me stay put so this entire time his buddy is getting a great show (i'm really shy so this was mortifying), so the friend leaves then all his buddies in the living room peek through the door to watch.. i wanted to knock them all out so my guy yells at them enough that they finally go away the his little sister walked in , i was kinda friends w/ her and she has never looked at me the same again, then out of the blue some guy that reminded me of a rapist just sits up on the other bed i freaked b/c i had no idea he was there, then finally when we were done i queefed and it wasnt just a suddle kinda thing it was really bad, so then the next morning i wake up and walk in the living room and all the guys start talking about how i fuck and stuff since they watched me... it was so horrible


----------



## smart-e

I was on my first date with my boyfriend and we had come back to my house after watching a movie. We were lying on my bed kissing and touching when he came in his pants. He was so embarresed and he had to drive back to his house which is a 2 hour drive in my elmo boxers.


----------



## mini sari

I lost my virginity to my friend. Now one of our friends was drunk as fuck, And passed out on the other side of the bed (uh oh) before we even started anything (this all was really random). Well things started up, We ended up having sex - The other friend woke up and just staired us in the face (he had on face paint because he had got drunk at a halloween party). Poor guy..

It was more funny than embaressing though. Poor kid


----------



## dazedraver

PsychoKitten said:
			
		

> *This from a few months ago would have embarrassed the hell out of most ppl. It turned me on something fierce tho.
> I'm out for drink with my then partner. We end up at one of my fave places - this really cosy bar with old fashioned booths. So we're sitting there n playing footsie and I decide to umm "slip under the table".
> So I'm under there, with my mouth busy and his friends walk into the place, spot him and come over to sit down. Note: I am still under the table. They stayed for ages, while I played him like a bloody violin. They stayed so long that in the end I had no choice but to finish him off and pop up back into my seat.
> Classy huh, you should have seen the faces on those guys. Figuing i was in for it, i decided to make the most of it and I looked each one in the eye as i wiped my bottom lip with my finger, licked it clean then calmly replaced my lipstick. *



ahem... so will you marry me?


----------



## shoe

Well, me and the guy were fucking... picture this... he was sitting on the floor leaning against something, me on top, our legs open, in front of a ceiling-to-floor mirror. It was quite porno style actually, there was a really good view of everything.

Now i was having a jolly good time bouncing.. but one time as i came down on him, he farted.
Now i am not one to be freaked by a fart, but it was HILARIOUS. Even moreso in that you SAW him fart.. ie. asshole opening

Needless to say, we were rolling around on the floor laughing and were unable to finish having sex. Kinda ruined the moment
Not embarrassing for me, but he was embarrassed. :D


----------



## TeddybearKoRn

This is horrible.

My ex, "E" had cheated on me and we had broken up two weeks prior to this incident. One afternoon he called me just to hook up. So i went over there and we were having the most amazing sex ever. I have a big anal fetish so we decided to go for "door number two" i was on my back legs over his shoulders. . .well he pulled out really quickly and low and behold i shit, right there on his bed, and i didn't know at first, he kept going.   after we finished i had realized what had happened, and jumped in the shower. It said it was his fault and not to worry about it. Jumped out of the shower, got dressed and began to left. When i left there was still shit on the sheets of his bed. As i was leaving wet hair and all, his new G/F was comming in the front door, i made my way out waved to her and left. . . .he then had to explain why there was shit on his bed and why i was there. haven't talked to him since. o well. i am sure he had to deal with the mess he caused, both in the bed and with his new G/F.


----------



## PsychoKitten

dazedraver said:
			
		

> *ahem... so will you marry me? *



Willing to fight Spencer for me honey? 

Kitty


----------



## Cohaagen

a very messy one...

pulling off a condom too fast, realising what i'd done a split second too late, then me and her being showered with a collection of sticky and messy fluids... ewwwww!

i just hope i can get a few more of these stories for here... meh.



Cohaa.


----------



## ariadh

^^^ i think the thread meant embarrassing stories, not yucky stories.


----------



## dazedraver

PsychoKitten said:
			
		

> *Willing to fight Spencer for me honey?
> 
> Kitty *



well seeing as kimmy and i will both go after him if necc... 


ahh damnit i can't take out the left coast half of me.

oh well... 

so do u have a sister just like you?

Jj


----------



## Spark767

*And in a different Vein*

Well this one isn't my own story, but of course if it had happened to me then I'd pretend it happened to someone else... draw your own conclusions.

A friend of mine Tom had been going out with his girlfriend Amy for about 2 years and considered himself quite well versed in the sexual arts. 

Sadly all of this came crashing down on him one day. He and Amy are in bed one morning and Tom decides to, I quote, 'Give her the gift of oral sex'. He dissapears under the bedsheets and is giving her what he considered to be one of the best lickings of her life, using every trick in the book, ever correct carress, every single thing that turns her on.

10 minutes later he emerges from under the covers, a proud grin creeping across his face.

In the time that he's been down there Amy has braided her hair into two perfectly formed pigtails and greets him with 'Do you think I should wear my hair like this?....

The guy must be hung like a donkey because they're together to this day....


----------



## Jody

Tasty Mushroom said:
			
		

> *errrr, probably the time that i was having sex with my girlfriend in my room.  We were getting rather enthusiastic and pretty vocal. So vocal that we didnt realise how loud the bed was bashing into the wall. (sound travels pretty well in this house)
> What we didn't realise was that my parents were having a family lunch downstairs with close to ten people.
> All of a sudden we could hear fits of laughter and my brother in law and uncle shouting 'GO GO GO! while clapping in time to us thumping against the wall.
> we decided we weren't hungry.
> [ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: Tasty Mushroom ] *


baahahahahahaha!!!  that's great.


----------



## missjane

we were at the supermarket when i picked up one of those spray cans of whipped cream and held it up to my new bf, winked and said what do u think about having some fun with this?   he replied alright lets go...we get home we get naked and i strategically and artistically proceed to cover his naked body with whipped cream.....i followed this with about 30mins of licking and slurping it off of his body (of course paying extra attention to the good bits) well he WAS impressed. ok, my turn so i lay down and he leaves no pink bit uncovered, right down to swirly bits on my nipples he creates a masterpiece! he puts the can down leans toward me takes one lick and says YUK how can you eat that its horrible! and there i was left laying in a bed of cream with no one to lick it off me


----------



## aunty establishment

*The Devirginator: Reverse Period*

Picture this. 16 years old predatory female type (me) finally convinces nice Christian schoolboy type (ex-bf) to: 

A) try weed for the first time, and  
B) surrender his virginity (due largely to the effects of A) 

while my mother was at work during school holidays. Of course we chose Mother's large comfy double bed over my one with the teddy bear sheets. So there we are, fornicating like the sinners we were, when he lets out a pained yelp and withdraws immediately. Feeling a warm stickiness on my legs, I sigh disappointedly, before realising that the offending matter is blood and not post-coital goo. 

As he runs screaming from my mother's pink and white decored bedroom to the toilet, leaving a trail of blood behind him, I am left to wonder at the source, and sheer volume, of blood spilt. He emerges sheepishly with a large wad of tissue paper around his wang and remarks "I think I broke it". 

So my newly deflowered and soon to be ex-boyfriend drove while rather stoned (for the first time, remember) to his very devout, and VERY disapproving, family doctor. Turns out that his erstwhile virginal frenum had a small flaw caused by a clumsy circumcision (i.e. an additional string to his banjo). This TORE upon coitus, resulting in (doctor's words) "significant blood loss". He was fine six weeks later, but wore the nickname "RP" (Reverse Period) for many years to come. 

As a conclusion...My mother returned home that evening and enquired why her bedsheets were soaking in bleach. I claimed that I had been reading on her bed with a coffee and fallen asleep, resulting in spillage. She believed me. 

I have more if anyone is keen to hear them. Shan't be a post whore.


----------



## missing_one

Not embarassing 'cause of mdma but .. i drop some out with a particular girl after over 1 month of overtures in leadup.  When we get home, it turns turns out that the parents are still up with a friend.  They see us slammed .. whatever .. they're pretty OK like that... BUT, then the girl and I have shower together and are going upstairs to get busy when I have an idea - it's her 1st time on MDMA, and only my 3rd.  The 'rents (who have no idea about effects of MDxx) have vacated the building but are sitting outside on the balcony.  When I run upstairs, I make a bit much noise and they turn around and see me running along with this stupdi grin and a massive selection of different fruits, thinking "GEE!  WE HAVE A KINKY SON!" 

I heard them burst out laughing but never heard anything of it afterwards


----------



## ResinBrain

Damn this thread was so funny....
Here is my contribution.

During my late teens, I was working in a hospital during the
summer. I was taking the patients from their rooms and pushing
their wheelchair/stretcher all the way to their next examination 
appointment.

So one day I get this guy on a stretcher, he was quite confused
by all the medications he was on.  I get in the elevator, heading
for the X-ray room. After a few levels, I sense a certain unease
in the air.  I look at the other people in the elevator and they were
all staring at the same thing....

The guy had pulled down his blanket and was furiously jacking off.
For a few second I was shocked, didn't know what to do.  So I 
thought: yeah I'll pull his blanket up.  Just as I was about to cover
him, there he goes: sending thick loads of cum in the air that landed
on an old granny in a wheelchair beside the stretcher! I was stunned but relieved when I figured out she didn't even notice .  Luckily the next stop
was my level and I quickly got off the elevator and parked the stretcher
right in front of the x-ray department.

I laughed my ass off every 5 minutes for the rest of the day (and still is).


----------



## lazycat

i was so crazy and spaced out that when i looked down i saw her fucking me... laugh laugh laugh and back to the dancefloor!


----------



## TheBoss

an ex and I were on the good foot doin the bad thing (pffft... who says its bad!) completely buck naked in a caravan on holidays, when my 9 year old sister, her three friends and two of my friends all walk into the caravan to see whats going on -we kinda forgot that when in a caravan, the whole thing shakes like a mofo when walking around in it... so imagine seeing it bucking around like crazy!!! Truely the reason we had those unexpected visitors...
I don't think my face has ever been redder lol


----------



## MOTOMAN

Dislocating my shoulder during sex and my g/f seeing it  pop out in front of her face.

She was turned off a little but I didn't let it get in the way of finishing myself that's for sure!


----------



## phosphene_glow

I'll add my two nuts worth. 

My girlfriend and I were screwing in an abandoned kitchen in college on a counter when the security guard walked in. We screamed and grabbed our clothes and ran for the door.  Later my advisor gave me a great speech in his haughty English. "Now see ear you. We don't segregate the dormrooms, we don't tell students what to do or how to do it.... so can't you please at least have sex in your own room?"  We didn't get busted.  This was our closest call, which was pretty cool because we had sex every single place in that university including during class, I would go down on her in this one lecture hall, behind the stage curtain.  Janitors closets, outdoors, library, park.  In the bushes.  In fact, after we broke up she ended up dating a guy who had watched us fucking in the bushes. It's the subject that brought them together. 

Not embarrasing sort of. But I used to fuck this woman who I didn't like. Understand that I was hard up and not gettin da kine.  One night we were screwing at Zuma and there was a weird configuration of the heavens whereby one could see the beautiful Northern Lights.  She was on top and I was laying back watching the lights and the breeze was blowing and it was beautiful, except I didn't like her.  

Another time, when I was fifteen I went to some lectures and a 48 year old woman drove me to and from. We became friends and one night we looked at each other for a while, and then I snuck her into my bedroom like she was a teenager and we fucked for a really long time.  I remember her being on top and her wet pussy feeling really really good, and hearing my sisters and their friends in the next room in the jacuzzi.  Then I had to sneak her back out after.  She might have been embarrased. It's hard to say. 

Oh well, not much to say really.


----------



## Dexter O.

Ok this all happened during one night.  My friend decided to throw a party one night.  So i get over to his place and soon afterwards the drinking starts.  After a few hours of sitting in the garage smoking bowls and drinking southern comfort i decided to see what was going on inside. I walked in and another friend of mine comes up to me and tells me to go through this door.  I go open the door and there is one guy screwin this girl and another guy at the other end getting a blowjob.  As soon as the door opened they both turned and started screaming at me to get out.  So i turned around and walked right out.  I went into the kitchen where i was taking shots and proceeded to watch my friend send person after person into the room.  Finally one guy held the door shut.  

It eventually got to be almost midnight and my friend (billy) informed us that his dad would be getting home soon and we would have to either move the party or all go home.  So of course we decide to move the party.  The only place is 20 miles away in another town.  So we all pile into cars and vans and trucks and head off.  I'm in a van with 8 people.  One is passed out and the rest are drunk off thier ass.  Before we even got out of town the girl in the seat behind me, who i'll call katie, and i were making out.  a little bit later her friend, iris, and my friend, alex are making out.  We made out all the way to the the other party.  We finally got to this other party and katie and i head for the bedroom.  Before anything happens though iris is in the doorway telling her she shouldn't because she was about to hook up with some other guy.  She finally convinces her away from me by getting her to make out with her in the living room.  So i go out into the living room where i watch these two girls make out for who knows how long.  After a while the owner of the house walks in and he is on the phone.  He calls to katie to come into the other room like there is someone on the phone for her.  
While she was away iris starts talking about how she has to drive home and she needs some coffee to wake up.  A kid that was there tells her that if she gives him head he will take her to get some coffee.  So she gives him a few bucks for coffee, and they go out to her car.  ten minutes later she comes back in and sits down.  We asked where her coffee was and she said he went to get it.  Then katie walks back out and iris and katie start making out again.  After a while my friend alex notices something on katies sweater.  He stops them from making out and takes a closer look.  Her face and sweater are all wet and crap.  So alex says well... its not snot, cuz snot is green... IS THAT JIZZ?!?!?!?! omg i died right there.  i knew it was.  She kept saying no its just slobber from me making out.  Then finally she just said well i dunno.  So iris told her she was done making out cuz she didn't want jizz all over her face.  Katie looked all dissappointed and left the room to who knows where.  I'm assuming to find more guys.. or girls to make out with.  

By now its been almost half an hour since iris came back inside.  We all realise that she probably isn't going to get any coffee tonight.  

So then later that night alex and i are sitting in the living room still and about four or five guys walk thorugh and are putting their shoes on before they leave.  Suddenly we hear someone yelling to them not to leave and in bursts Katie.  She demands a hug and kiss from them all before they leave.  Not knowing what alex and iris and i knew they all gave her a big hug and kiss.  EWWWWWWWW  Alex and i were laughing so hard we couldn't tell them not to.  She got through them all before we could talk again and we decided to just not say anything. 
After that the night was pretty much over however. 

Another night at that same house was quite interesting.  There was a small little party over there.  At about eleven a guy and a girl came over.  They were on x and wanted to get it on so they decided to come over and use this guys bedroom... So me and my friend kevin, being the crazy dumb assholes that we are decide to stip down naked and rush in the room and make some sorta ruckus to stop them from having sex.  So we strip down to our boxers in the basement with everyone else that is there and we all head upstairs with kevin and i leading the way.  We get to the bedroom door.  Kevin and i look at each other and then grab our boxers, throw them off and rush in the room screaming like fools and rip the blankets off.  Everybody rushes in behind us.  Kevin and i rush back out to grab our boxers clothes but find that the asshole whose bedroom they were using threw our stuff in the shower and turned it on.  So i found a towel in the bathroom and threw it on while kevin ran around the house naked looking for something to wear.  He finally found an apron in the kitchen that covered him in front but left his bare ass hanging out all night.


----------



## _high_life_

i was pissed faced drunk out of my tree as was this girl i was hangin with in some other girls house.everyone was passing out except her dad who i think is a majour crackhead and he looks like elvis.

me an this girl go into the chicks siters room and start messin around on some other chicks bed.we get to humping and her dad walks in.says something like "oh your already bangin her!" so im thinkin wtf then he shuts the door.so im humin around trying not to make any noise even though the bed post was hit the wall like crazy.the chicks dad walks in once more and mumbles some more drunk bullshit"not done yet??" so me and this chick are both thinkin this guy is piss drunk and will prolly come back again but we kept at it both drunk and horny.so after about another 10 minutes this guy walks in once again!!he starts talking about jet planes and how the USA has way better army technology than us.all this while im layin on top in between this girl all sweaty and drunk.this guy is talking for at least 10 minutes(feels like 3 hours)then after a while i just act like im asleep, in between this chick.my bone is getting soft by now and this guy fucked off after killing it.chick sucks me off till im jumbo size again and i start pumpin once again trying to bust a nut but low and behold mr.elvis crack head comes back telling us about what he just thought of and im fucking pissed off but im not gonna tell him to fuck off in his own house.he evntually gets a drunkard mood swing and tells us both we have an hour to get out of his house then he fucks of.by now i dont even feel like fucking anymore and i know im too drunk to bust a nut or even realize if i do.so i go to sleep, wake up and the elvis cracker doesnt even mention last night so i dont either but damn was this awkward as hell.


----------



## Black Hole

Hahaha.  Elvis lives!  You fucked Lisa Marie Presley.  You banged the same hole that Michael Jackson did.


----------



## euphoria

**this story didn't happen to me, but funny anyway:
a buddy of mine went down on this girl from France, little did he know that she had A YEAST INFECTION so he got some kind of mouth infection from that, yeah nasty as fuck. to add to it, he had no clue about the infection for days after he went down on her. . . started to experience nasty mouth symptoms, so asked his mom about it, Mom did some reasearch and tells him "the only way you can get that honey is from a yeast infection" so he confessed to his mom about lickin' the fungus. GROSS!!!! 

**was at my then BF's house, upstairs living room, we were watching a movie unaware that his little sister was in the next room. So we were completely naked sprawled out on the floor fucking really really loudly when she decides to walk in and see what's going on, RIGHT AS HE COMES ONTO MY STOMACH/CHEST, never seen a look quite like that on a little girl's face. she RAN out of there crying!!!

**this one sucked:
My ex and i were going to see a movie, and the next showing didn't start for about forty minutes, we had no gas so we couldn't really drive around til it started so we decided to just chill in the parking lot for awhile. . . so we move the car to a sort of remote area, before we know it clothes are starting to get removed and then we start to have sex. . . 
Like ten minutes into it, we notice that there's headlights shining onto our car, which have been there for at least a couple minutes. He looks up to see what the fuck is going on, notices that its a COP CAR. the cop pulls right up to my window as i'm struggling to pull some pants on, he asks us what we were doing (as if he didnt know already, what a weener) and we just said we were . . well, you know. . . . 
so we were cited for public indecency, and they called our parents since we were only 16 at the time, it was sooo embarassing. 

**My ex-bf and i were going to visit these adult family friends of his (friends of his parents or something) and after awhile they told us that they were about to leave, and if we liked we could chill at their house til they got back since we had nowhere else to go. They were really cool and said we could just watch tv and make some food if we wanted. so we really abused this offer, we fucked all over their house, in their bed, in their hot tub, on the kitchen table (which is where we were when they happened to walk in!!!!) had to explain that while tryin to get dressed, which was extremely mortifying, I could not even look them in the eye!!!


----------



## acroamatic

okay...well we where in bed me and some girl and she's like "lick my finger" i said "ok then you lick my balls" so we agreed on that so shes licking my balls right..shes on her back and i but em in her mouth ..when all of a sudden i let one loose right on her ...funny thing was all she did was laugh and kept doing it....


----------



## goodgirl

Me and my ex were fuking and i couldnt be fuked really and wasnt wet at all! So while his attemptiong to turn me on we put his cock in and 3-4 pupmp he screams pulls out and a see blood everywer!!

Poor thing ripped his foreskin because i wasnt wet enough and bled for like 4 hours straight LOL i couldnt stop loughing !!! we couldnt fuk for acouple of days after that.

There was a shit load of blood but was soooo funnyy he even put a fukin pad on in his jocks so it doesnt bleed after 5 hours of blood bath


----------



## method25

this is funny shit.....i love hearing embarrising sex stories 
Anyways, I have a few to tell.
First time with this one girl. It was her first time EVER and we started havin sex and then outta no where, her drunk dad burst in the door and said "what is going on here". I covered my self with the blanket and so did she. I said "do you mind??" and he just kept telling me to leave.Later that night, he walks in on my friend and his woman. What a bad night to be him .

Another time I was gettin busy with this hotty on my couch in the basement,and out of no where, my brother walks in the room and sits down on the computer.I didnt  care wehter he was there or not, I was gonna fuck this chick till she cummed.We kept going and he was still there. Finally about an hour later, she says " im done" , so I finish things up and all the while my brother was right there 8( .Thats a good one.

This one takes the cake. Same chick as the first story. We were having sex in my bathroom and we go at it for a while and we were on the floor. Soon , that got uncomfortable and she suggested that we move to the sink or the toilet.We both stand up and i look down at my dick,and im not wearing the condom anymore .I look at her and ask where the condom is, "Im not wearing it" i say, "Well neither am I", she says. I take a deep breath and go searching for the lost(chocolate flavored) condom. A few minits after beginning the search, i find it and pull it out.
Thats when we stopped having sex .

Hope you enjoy me stories
Peace%)


----------



## SeXonX

ok so me and my lady are out at a beautiful lake in the woods with a bunch of friends having a good time when we get the urge   so we both go hiking down a path looking for a good spot to fuck.  so we get to a spot high on the mountain looking down a waterfall in a corner where we thought no one would see and go to town.  her back up against a tree with 1 leg in the air and me pounding her like there is no tomorrow when i see out of the corner of my eye a jogger running down the path about 15-20ft away.  well im not going to let that stop me cuase i just don't care so i keep going like nobody is there and she doesn't know cuase her back was facing the jogger so its all good.  well... about 3-5 mins later the same SOB jogged even closer to use cuase i guess he wanted a better look, i mean he was close enough to touch us as he ran by lol.  we both looked at eachother and laughed cuase i mean not like we know him or will ever see him again but im sure he was telling his buddies what he saw jogging.  we didn't finish but it sure was great while it lasted and to this day we laugh about the jogger that needed a second look.


----------



## uTranceMe

havent got many funny stories but had to laugh at some of the ones here. Fanny farts crack me up... quaffing or something someone called it. My first serious g/f had some body issues (she was gorgeous by the way) and dint really like doggy style at first (she thought i was pulling faces ??lol) anyway one day were really getting into some doggy style action and she lets rip with a loud fanny fart.... didnt get doggy for a long time after that.


----------



## dick2004

[bump]

me and my GF were on a kayaking / paddling trip in a lake district (outdoors rule!). suddenly the rain began pouring down as hell, so we all got wet. I decided to stop at nice meadow, and dry ourselves. So, we've found the place, just on the river bank
undressed, I got horny, she started to ride me with 
boobies clearly visible. Suddenly there's a whole bunch
of other kayakers going down the river, enjoying the sightseeing  and laughing off their asses 
nevertheless we decided to finish it, and wait
to have them well ahead of us


----------



## static_mind

Ehhhhhhh the night started soo good, i was going to get....a threesom.

We were all young and drunk and in the park where there were two sluts.  They were hooking up and stuff when my mate go's "whos gona give this guy a blow job?".  I looked shocked but quite because one might agree.  "il do it" says one.  "No il do it" says the other.  After a small argument its decided.  "we will both do it".

So we wondered away and into someones garden, i un did my belt and one chick went down.  I was feeling the other one up and she got undressed and the one giveing me head started doing this deep throat thing.  I remember feeling the second girls boobs where there was this sound.  The sound was

"eee BLYUK"

I felt the splash of vomit go over my member and down into my pants, which were only just open.  The second chick said "im not touching you now" and walked off.  The first chick cleaned me up and i left and went home..with jocks full of vomit.


----------



## mapleleaf

alrite so i was a virgin. and i had the house to myself. and this girl calls me upi and says she wants to come over. and i knew that she was coming over to fuck me, so i go get some condoms. im kinda nervous. she comes to my house we smoke some cigs and talk. then we go in the kitchen to the liqour cabinet and just start chugging everything in sight. 
needless to say i got so druck and she was drunk too. so i like carry her up the stairs and throw her on my bed and we start maiking out. then the clothes come off. then we get under the blankets and im fingerbanging her. i dont think i was doing it very good tho cuz she looked like she was in pain. then she takes my pants off but im not horny yet. she gives me a handjob but it just wouldnt go up. so the. i try humping her and nothing would get me hard she even sucked me off. so then im there trying to beat off to get a boner. nothing would work. it was weird cuz usually im a pretty horny ass guy. anyway we didnt even fuck. and i was embarrassed as hell cuz she told everybody at school about it.


----------



## turkish

i was about 16, un-experienced, and about to have my second threesome, in the first threesome all i got was head while my mate banged the girl so this time i said i was gonna get the fuck. andway its all goin nice and smooth i was just sticking it in when my friend screams, punches the girl in the head and jumps out of the window (which is how we got into the house)..... it turns out i accidently stuck it in her ass and she didnt like it so she bit down on my mates cock.. neither of them were too impressed, she ended up crying and calling me an asshole then my friend gave me shit for like 5 monthes because i couldnt get it in the right hole, but hey, it was like the fourth time i was ever with a chick. another time i was at my girls house when her mum came home early knocked on the door and said, i think you and your boyfriend should get out of the shower before your dad gets home..


----------



## andruejaysin

I was dating a girl who had sort of a Brooklyn accent, if you know what I mean. Which was strange because she had lived in Kansas her whole life. Anyway, we were having anal sex (first time for both of us) and she obviously wasn't enjoying it. I ask what was the matter, and she said "It hoits" Sorry, I don't know exactly how to write it out the way it sounded, but it struck me funny (we had smoke alot of pot) and I couldn't stop laughing. She got really pissed, and  I never got to hit the ass again.


----------



## vitaminerk

NoriegA said:
			
		

> It would have to be when I came in like 10 seconds. Thank God those days are behind me...



I got you beat,lol. This girl I was fucking crazy over and when I got my chance as soon as she just touched I lost it all.....didnt even get to stick it in


----------



## SPDemon420

nowonmai said:
			
		

> and I've gone down on a girl who was on, and didn't tell me... the following morning, walked into the kitchen to get some juice, and everyone just STARED at me.. I was clueless until I looked in the mirror.. not pretty
> [ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: nowonmai ]



That has to be one of the nastiest things ive ever heard. Ugh.


----------



## Diggitydank420

i was getting a blowjob at school during lunch and we were in the the middle of the school wheres theres benchs with high backs to chill and you can't really see shit, anyways a young women teacher(20ish) walked out of this door(which turned out to be the teachers bathrooms) and smiled and walked away.  It was scary, but now that i think about it is just kinky. That was one hot ass teacher too


----------



## billbong2

Most embarassing, for her a girl cheated on me so i pissed all over her mouth face and £600 new outfit.  bitch!!!     (sorry, emma hehhe)


----------



## lagomorpha

Back when I was young and still lived at home I brought my girlfriend back to my room for sex.  I thought we'd have the whole house to ourselves for at least a couple of hours and even if anyone got home they wouldn't bother us.  I had two beds in my room at the time, one waterbed and one normal twin bed.  The waterbed would make to much noise to hear anyone come home so we decided to toss all of our clothes on it and have sex on the other bed.  Unfortunately, in the middle of the act I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.  I dismount just before the door opens and my mom walks in.  We pretend to be just cuddling under the blanket.  Unfortunately our acting was a little to good because my mom doesn't notice the pile of clothing on the waterbed, decides to sit down on the corner of the bed we're in and start talking to us.  She was recovering from a stroke at the time and wasn't the most observant person.  For what was probably around 20 minutes she had a conversation with us while we tried to act innocent.  I tried to hint to my mom that she should leave but somehow she didn't get the message.  My room is at the end of the stairs overlooking the living room and I ended up having to get up to close the wide open door wearing nothing but a condom.  Later that night after I drove the girl home my friend stayed the night.  I told him he should sleep in my waterbed.  He said, "isn't that the bed you normally sleep in?"  I guess I should've been a bit more quiet when I told him, "yeah but I'm not going to make you sleep in the wet spot," because a couple weeks later my mom brought up that she overheard.

I have no idea how my mom has managed to believe my younger brother was a virgin for so long.  Every weekend that I go home and he's in the basement with his girlfriend it smells like crotch.  Between that and the pile of shiny gold trojan magnum wrappers that appears from time to time it should've been pretty obvious.

Fast forward a couple of years to college.  I was with my ex in her dormroom messing around.  I was very horny and could tell she was kindof horny.  I suggest that I should pin her up against the wall and fuck her.  She tells me she's hungry and wants to go to taco bell.  We argue playfully for a few minutes over whether we should have sex or eat.  Finally I get her to agree to letting me put it in, pump a couple times, then leave for taco bell.  First I pin her to the wall sans pants, mount up, hold her off the ground.  I pumped her about 3 times, let her down from the wall, pulled up my pants, zipped them and told her, "ok let's go."  She looked confused at first then when she realized what I was talking about she made it very clear that if I didn't finish doing what I was doing she was going to remove large chunks of the skin on my back with her nails.  I decided it would probably be better if I gave in.

Last St. Pats after sharing half a handle of Svedka with a (lightweight) friend of mine we decided to walk to the bars with my roommate and his girlfriend for more drinks.  I ended up basically carrying my friend back to his room before returning to the bar.  When I returned my roommate's girlfriend told me there was this girl they wanted me to meet.  It had been around 4 months since I had had any sex and the gf was determined to help me find someone to go home with.  This is where my memory gets kindof hazy.  I know the four of us made it back to the gf's room.  I know the gf and other girl ended up making out in her room.  What I don't remember but was filled in on later was that somehow K and I thoroughly violated her couch.  K told me I should go back to her room with her and I agreed dispite my room being across the hall.  It was across campus and we were very drunk.  We began our journey in entirely the opposite direction of her room.  Somehow we ended up half-naked infront of the music hall to drunk to notice the people walking on the sidewalk not 8 feet from us and her asking me to bite her nipples HARD.  Eventually we end up in someone's backyard with a dog barking at us and we sober up enough to talk eachother into going somewhere indoors.  A walk across campus later, we find ourselves back in her room.  She puts on some music and we mess around a bit more.  Not 3 minutes after the lights go out there's a knock on the door.  She opens the door and finds 2 police officers and a very excited dog.  The officers explain that they are there, "because someone overheard the word 'marijuana' from inside the room."  She bought it.  She began yelling about how there was a conspiracy of the girls on her floor against her, completely lost control.  One of the officers asked for my ID so I handed it to him.  He spoke my license number into his radio.  I asked for my ID back and he ignored me, I asked again and he still kept it.  At this point I tried to calm K down but with no luck.  The officers gave their usual lie: "Either you let us search or we'll declare the room a crimescene and get a warrant."  She told them it was probably her adderall that the dog smelled.  The cop explained that dogs know the difference between adderall and illegal drugs.8(   I told her they were full of shit but she let them search anyway.  They didn't find anything but she was still so upset that she wanted me to go home.  Thankfully none of the people in my classes mentioned anything about any of the stuff in public.  For the next week I was sure someone was going to mention something.

I ended up seeing the same girl a couple weeks later while I was mostly sober and having some pretty raunchy sex.  To this day I can't forget what she said when she felt my erect penis for the first time, "you could kill a deer with your penis."  So now I'm left with that image.  How exactly do I go about doing that?  Do I surprise it by jumping from a tree and swinging my penis as a club?  

Those are 3 of my stories.  I'm sorry 2 are so long and none of them are that funny.


----------



## Triglav

It was about two years ago I met this wacky drunk girl in front of a bar (I was drunk and high on e). In that period of my life I was mostly wasted on drugs so I didnt care who I fucked and this girl seemed as a "no-brainer". It took me around 3 minutes to convince her to go to my place. I was so drunk and so high i couldn get it up propery even though she was keen on sucking on it all night and the rest of the day. I kept us both high on e and even found some red wine. At the evening we were both preety wasted and decidet to go to a discoteque (I was broke - all I had was alcohol and some e so she paid 4 everything - the cab, the entrance fee,, the drinks). So we came inside, sat at the bar, order a beer each when she decides she hasnt had enough blowing me. I was so fuckin wasted that i found it amusing at the time and let her do it right on the spot. I somehow managed to finish in her mouth, she swallowed the cum and gave me a french kiss (yuk). I take a look around and i se 4 of my schoolmates laughing at me (i have no idea what they were doing there). I wasnt too embarassed at the time (too drunk) but monday at school was bad because of the hangover and all the fingers pointing at me. Keep in mind that the girl wasnt exactly a good looking one. Sometimes I wish i couldnt remember things when im wasted like some other people. . .


----------



## dshock

four said:
			
		

> so we're all at this party-- back in high school. not one sober person in the house.  my best friend (not at the time) decides her drunk ass is going to lose her virginity in the danky cold basement of the raging house.  as her and the dude are getting all freaky.. he says "Oh shit.. the condom broke"  the broken rubber gets discarded into a half empty beer bottle.  fast forward 2 hours.  a nother guy friend walks down into the dark basement, sits down next to the de-flowered girl and tries hitting on her.  too bad she's completely passed out.  eh, whatever, he shrugs it off and to his surprise finds a half full beer bottle!!  "Didnt think there was any beer left!" he exclaims and merrily chug-a-lug-a-lugs it down.  he stumbles out of the danky dark basement and finds another girl who lures his drunk arse upstairs.  he's going down on her and she's a bloody girl and guess what.....  RALPH RALPH RALPH into her cooch.  vomit in da hole.
> *the end*



uhhh, yeah that happened in a movie, it was called american pie


----------



## dshock

lagomorpha said:
			
		

> I ended up seeing the same girl a couple weeks later while I was mostly sober and having some pretty raunchy sex.  To this day I can't forget what she said when she felt my erect penis for the first time, "you could kill a deer with your penis."  So now I'm left with that image.  How exactly do I go about doing that?  Do I surprise it by jumping from a tree and swinging my penis as a club?




HAhahahhahahaha


----------



## Chicago66

billbong2 said:
			
		

> Most embarassing, for her a girl cheated on me so i pissed all over her mouth face and £600 new outfit.  bitch!!!     (sorry, emma hehhe)



what the fuck? 

how does that even happen?
did you just go to her house when she was asleep and start to piss?

please elaborate


----------



## bustabraincell

ok, so it wasn't me, it was told by a friend, about a freind of his....this bloke was really horny after a night on the turps, and went down his lady, under the sheets, the works... she was saying Get out, I need to fart"  he was too inot the groove by this time, and wooudn't stop.she couldn't stop, just had so fart, and so she did.  He inhaled the whole lot, and surfaced, and held her by her ears, and exhaled the whole putrid lungful, combined with his putrid stale alcohol breath directly into her mouth.  They reckon you never seen so many shades of green....


----------



## ollieideal

my pal is a stinking crack fiend who can't get enuff of working girls street ones.
one night when we were sharing a cell togeather we were regailing each other with sex stories. my pal doesn't really do penertration as he can't get it up often fue to crack an smack.
so one night he's picked up a girl 4 a smoke and in order 4 her to pay her way , they get down to it , so he's in a remote crountry lane it's snowing outside and it's nice and warm in the car.
WShe sucks him off and gets him hard as he smokes the pipe.
he decides tp return the favour.
he flips her over and goes down .
the street hooker starts mmm ing and ahh ing. but as he gets down there he notices a rotten stench,it's aputrid mess. She's probably had about 10 guys already that day.
I don't know if this will seem funny to u but it bust me up.
Smelling the stench my pal, almosts barfs, the girl is just finished her pipe and is gagging 4 a licking, but he's pulling away.
She's all confused 
My mate leans over the back seat and finds abottle of fanta pop, hr then takes off his sock makes her get  ouside and start scrubbing her fanny.
As she's doing this a police womans flashlight catches her stood on tippy toes, trying not to get to cold in the snow scrubbing herself with the smelly sock and what looks like a bottle of piss.


----------



## sdthizz

Hmm, my turn I guess..

So a couple of weeks ago me, my girl, her cousin, and sister were at the mall.. just galavanting, you know? Then.. me and my girl find an elevator and kind of ditch her 2 relatives.. We close the doors and I guess we're positioned on the 2nd floor? It starts to get a little heated and before you know it she's on her knees and giving me head. About.. 20 seconds later.. we hear a ding and the doors swing open. My girl jumps up I pull my pants up real quick, but it's too late the guys already standing in the elevator and he presses the 1st floor button. So my girlfriend hides behind me and I end up staring at the corner of the elevator for the MOST AWKWARD 20 SECONDS OF MY LIFE. Hahaha. The guy gets out and her sister and cousin see us. We tell them to get in and we go to the second floor AGAIN in hopes of not catching a glimpse of that guy ever again. Hah. Needless to say.. 

ELEVATORS ARE FUN!


----------



## dshock

I wish people would post more in this thread, these stories are amazing to read.


----------



## FrostyMcFailure

So, im chilling in this parking lot with my GF at the time. I just got her some mad hot corset kinda thing she wanted as an early Xmas present.  Nice cold and bitter december night, just got back from the mall. Two starbucks coffe cups accompanied us along with some sweet tunes.
Chilling in her car in the parking lot, im 17 at the time.  Been going out with her for like 2 years on and off at this point.  I was addicted to H b4 i knew her and of course i meet her and tell her never 2 touch it despite what she want her "better judgment" tells her b4 we even start going out. Also I told her dont play with needles unless she wants 2 end up like me.   BUT DOES SHE HEED MY WARNING?!?! NOOOO! so here we are 2years lator both sharing that addiction in common, along with some other, she was mainly into like weed wen we met. i was all across the board and accidently turned her on to some not kewl things, even though i warned her i still feel i played a part but whateve shes a hooee neway.

Needless  to say, the cops know me and hate on me hardXcore in my town, phone taps shyt, house patrol and all that garbage. 

(back to in the car, enough backaround info! back to the lot that faithful december night)

So, she tells me to close my eyes and she slips whatever on, of course its off within a matter of minutes and were both making out way to the back seat. (pontiac sunfire, her car. Kewl car but kinda tiny) SO we go on all hot and bothered do our thing, right as we both finish up, (no condom but pill) so we clean up and i toss the tissues out the window. a car pulls in to the diner parking lot! I glance at the head lights and figure it just a car.. Of course not. Its a piggie.  He scrolls around the parking lot, knowing it was a while back a good spot to smoke up.  He spots us.. Hits the spot light as were climbing over the seat.  Dang, luckly i have nothing on me, the cop reconizes me and initiates the illegal search, what a prix. He tells me to walk 20feet away smoke a cig and walk back as he radios for another 3cars back up. (wtf i know right) They arive and start ripping everything up. He asks her "what the fucks a girl like her is doing with a guy "like (insert name here)" and i come back as they still are ripping the car apart, check my arms for tracks etc. some other drama happens and the pigs think a label on the seat is a bag of H and start trying to pull it off.. "Okie quiency, have fun with that" Im being a smart ass since they give me attitude. They are searching around the car etc.  The biggest dusch bag on the police force spots the tissues and exclaims "THERES DOPE IN HERE GUYS I KNOW IT!!"  
RIght then i ask him if hes sure and he assures me hes "sure he has me now" and Grabs the tissue and a nice big Glop of cum with it "Squish" right between his fingers   *MARKED BIOTCH*

He opens it and looks very very puzzled as i look on with a crooked smile, presenting a cynical yet satisfied smile as he turns to face me.  He
begin accusing me of littering the tissues out side the car, so i deny.. We get off this time but he assures me hes gonna get me next time. (kinda like CLAW from inspector gadget) 

A many ah good laugh from that, the best part is i know they're probably reading this at some point after i post thinking "who's fingers were marked by his underpants navy" and what kind of dough-nut  did he consume after.

Theres alot more stories iv accumulated but im not going to post them due to sheer bulk.  Great posts' everyone else whos shared!! Iv enjoyed reading a % of  this thread.

*in my defense, i grew up getting ALOT OF BULL SHYT in my area from pigs Only for the fact of me being who i am.  Later on in life, age 9-10+ i may have given em reason to hate me, but they gave me reason first. * 

Peace & Prosperity 2 my fellow Bluelighers.  Be eazy.


----------



## jorder1010

the first time a got my dick sucked i came so hard in the girls mouth that she jumped off the bed and screamed, "it's in my nose!" and preceded to do anything she could to get it out. she basically snarfed my cum and it would have been emabarrassing but she was beat, so i just laughed my ass off.

oh yeah and then i was fucking her in the ass around 5 a.m. the next morning when her gay bestfriend walked in and explained that he couldnt get any sleep cuz we were being too loud. a little awkward looking at a gay dude while having anal sex..


----------



## FrostyMcFailure

Lol that one was tres decenttt.


----------



## dunceh

I just had to register to post in this topic.
Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.

The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"


----------



## AmorRoark

^ I agree, that story was worth registering. That's absolutely hilarious. :D

I wish I had something to add. Keep this alive please!


----------



## PinholeStar

dunceh said:
			
		

> I just had to register to post in this topic.
> Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.
> 
> The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"



lol

What a punchline. :D


----------



## pot_head22

He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!" ahaha thats funny as :D


----------



## milligramsmile

One time me and my friends were getting wasted and ripped out side on my back porch...I  crept upstairs to my room with a little cutie and we started getting frisky...Eventually we start goin at it doggie style and my door opens, I turn around assuming it was one of my friends, Low and behold it was my mom staring at my bare naked ass doggie pounding this girl : / wayyyyyy embarassing
I had to sneak her out and get a speech on condoms...This is back when I was about 15


----------



## dshock

At least all you got was a speech


----------



## xpensivtaste

i know this thread is like 6 years old but i was reading some posts and i have a story or 3 to share.

an ex boyfriend and i were having sex for the fisrt time and just as he was about to shoot his load he was moaning but it was more like girl moaning which turned into a scream. it really put me off. i dont mind men moaning a little but this was really damn loud and high pitched. we broke up the following day.

another time i was having sex with my most recent ex partner and my mum came over during. we went down stairs and i had a red face. she wasn't really bothered but i was sooo embaressed, she was making jokes and everything. oh the shame.

this wasn't really an embaressing sex story about me but i have to tell it cos it makes me laugh every time i think of it.

when i was like 14 i slept at my friends house. we were both awake and could hear her parents going for it, i was laughing so hard i bit on my airbed and it popped and deflated with me on it. we couldn't hold back the laughter, her mum came in and told us to go to sleep. she was pretty red faced lol.


----------



## BeenArrested4Pot

Ok here goes.. I had been ingesting oxycodone and watching movies with a girl I've been seeing lately.  I was fucked up the entire day and at 2 AM it was beginning to wear off. My friend left his prescription for 10 mg Zolpidem (Ambien) at my place while he left town for the weekend so I snatched a few and decided I'd try to potentiate my OC buzz by popping an ambien, which I had with a glass of milk.

 I was simultaneously entertaining phone calls from a 
drunken member of the opposite sex. I specifically remember telling her we would not be seeing each other that night and I'd call her tomorrow. 

So I wake up at 3 PM the next morning following a very good night /day sleep. I was in my bed alone and I noticed a foreign cell phone vibrating on the night stand- which I wrote off as the same friend who left the ambien. WRONG! I look on my floor and see a bra and other women's clothes. I didn't remember having anyone over at my place. I walk into my living room and on my couch is the girl , wearing my shirt from yesterday.  

The ambien got me. Looking through my call history, I realized I just called her up, invited her over- the ambien gave me total amnesia and I barely remembered having sex with this girl. It was only after intense contemplation that I could remember this girl coming over and clips of us having sex. This was a totally weird experience. I'd heard of sleep walking, eating, etc. but this was ridiculous,


----------



## g0d00

i was 15 and it was my first time i forgot to lock one of the two doors in that room and while she was on top 2 girls ran in witrh  a camera!!we couldnt finish after that either  i ended up throwing the condom at the girls face and getting it to stick tho


----------



## Jason702

My girl and I had just got this new puppy, a miniature schnauzer, and it was in a crate in our room, as we were crate training.

It's hot and heavy, we're both about the finish, and the dog makes this weird bark like it's laughing.  We both here this "hee-heh-hee-hee" from the crate....aw man I'm starting to laugh out loud posting this.

I stop pumping, and look at my girl.  She starts to get this smile, then just starts laughing her ass off, and so do I.  I get up and screaming "F**CKING DOG IS JUDGING ME!" and she just loses it, rolling on the floor laughing.  Was funny as all hell.


----------



## mr.oxyhead89

I had just met this girl at a party.  She was extremely sexy and she had the look in her eyes that showed she wanted me.  Me, my friend, and her drive back to my place to watch a movie.  After making out for a while with her she says we should probably go upstairs.  My friend leaves and we go upstairs.  I rub her pussy and stick a finger in just a little bit to see how tight she is and everything is nice.  She blew me for a while and then I mounted her.  I got in a few pumps and noticed something didn't feel quite right, there was something strange.  So i stick my finger inside and to my horror I pull out a condom!  Nastiest thing I've ever seen.


----------



## n3ophy7e

Bunny 23 said:
			
		

> We were in the 'act' having a great time.  Neither of us heard the knock, all we saw were her walking in and her jaw dropping to the ground in shock!!  I didnt go back there for a few weeks, then she sent me flowers.


That is really the best outcome you could've hoped for! I'm sure there are a lot of people who would have hoped for the same


----------



## BeenArrested4Pot

mr.oxyhead89 said:
			
		

> I got in a few pumps and noticed something didn't feel quite right, there was something strange.  So i stick my finger inside and to my horror I pull out a condom!  Nastiest thing I've ever seen.



hahahahahaha fuck that


----------



## Acid Eiffel

xpensivtaste said:
			
		

> an ex boyfriend and i were having sex for the fisrt time and just as he was about to shoot his load he was moaning but it was more like girl moaning which turned into a scream. it really put me off. i dont mind men moaning a little but this was really damn loud and high pitched. we broke up the following day.




ahahahaha


----------



## shith3ad

doogystyle as your bf's parents walk upstairs into the room.....ass in the air....lights on ......nowhere to hide!


----------



## boulonman

Here,s one for all you animal lovers: I've been working on this gorgeous redhead for weeks, she finally invites me too her little trailer in the mountains during Xmas, the heater broke, my nuts turned into figs, we were chilled to the bone...Her freakin cat leaps, claws wide open on the only warm spot in the trailer, her heated waterbed!!300 gallons of water pop out of the shredded waterbed and starts to freeze on the floor, now were close to hyperthermia!!
None the less' I wanted this chick for so long I manage to warm her up if you know what I mean!! Finally It's almost penetration time (3 months in the planning!!) Her blind, old 20 year old cocker spaniel decides to stick his ice cube nose up my kazoo without warning, I am so surprised, I instinctively kick what I thought was a block of ice that somehow fell from the frozen ceiling bulls-eye into my hershey highway, I kicked so hard it snapped the dog's neck and he died instantely!! She is so mad and distraught she kicks me out of the bed and the house and I spend the worst christmas nite in my car that had no working heater!! The next morning she hands me the dead dog all wrapped up real nice like a christmas present and tells me she never wants to see me again but that I could at least try to make things up for paying for a nice burial for the dead frozen dog wrapped up with a bow tie and nice xmas paper...I drive back 200 miles to my nice warm house in Santa Barbara, the dog starts to defrost and my car begins to smell like a gutter!! I gave him a real nice burial!!! Right into the first 7-11 dumpster on my way home!!! Call me selfish but I figured; no pussy, no burial!!!  boulonman


----------



## eon_blue

Long story short, I was on top of my girlfriend putting on my best "O" face, only to end up drooling all over her eyeball.

We laughed it off.


----------



## TripperKay

when i gagged on my boyfriends penis...

oh those drunken nights


----------



## Ghostface

what a thread... Great laughs...

My funniest moment was when I met a girl at a club and we decided to hit a shabby hotel near the club. While we were in the act I was on top and holding, balancning using the " bed head - metal rails". I got a bit wild and the rails broke of and hit me on the head and i passed out!!!! Regained my consciousness after a minute.

Girl thought I killed myself. We just laughed it off and then left.


----------



## Synaptic_Misfire

I got one...probly just more embarresing for me than it is funny to read but what the hell....

18 years old...losing my virginity (late bloomer I know...save yer jokes). Girls real cool but I get off within 30 seconds (not uncommon for virgins I hear/hope ) so I try to play it off like it didnt happen, I keep a pumping. Like a minute later it startes feeling way better and she manages to squirm out from under me and pulls the full condom out from way inside of her that managed to slip off....Emabrrassing as HELL, thank god they put spermicides in those things :/.

T.


----------



## MooShiE

My partner and I were going for it.... just minutes after we arrived at our hotel room. 

He, being the most adorable man he is, arranged for 18 long stemmed red roses to be delivered to our room as a surprise for me. *beam*

So right in the middle of it, the consierge is banging on the door, Im being rather loud while we are going for it. 

"FLOWERS FLOWERS"

Im thinking... WTF... " WE ARE BUSY"

"FLOWERS FLOWERS"

"WEEEEEEEE AREEEEEEEEEEE BUSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

I think he got the hint after a while. ><  I was so embarrassed


----------



## deatholis

AHAHA this is funny 
is this real? heh


			
				dunceh said:
			
		

> I just had to register to post in this topic.
> Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.
> 
> The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"


----------



## Binge Artist

The time my ex-boyfriend caught me sucking my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's dick was pretty embarassing.


----------



## FlowMotion

I pulled out on a girls face and she punched me in the cock


----------



## ActiveA

I shot my entire load into my ex's nose once, huge load it was too hahahaha.

She sneezed for ages...


----------



## ryanplagues

hahaha

this is one of my favorite subjects.

I've had 3 girls choke on my dick and puke on me so far, but the first time was the worst for sure.


Me and my ex had been fighting over something for a few hours, and eventually came to the conclusion that she was being a dumb bitch and we proceeded to have make-up sex.  She was giving me head, and I told her to deep-throat my cock, she said she didn't think she could and i told her to try anyways.  Sure enough, she gets my dick all the way down her throat, then throws up with her lips wrapped around the base of my cock.  Vomit shoots in every direction, getting on the walls, ceiling, floor, up her nose, in her hair, fucking EVERYWHERE.  

I've never seen anyone's face get that red before.  We cleaned up the mess and I proceeded to fuck the shit out of her for about an hour.

Another time, me and the same ex were fucking in my bedroom, making a real event out of it.  We were doing it doggy style on the floor when I picked her up, turned her around, stuck my dick back in, and pushed her up against my closet door.  The closet door broke off the tracks, fell backwards, and we fell on top of it, breaking it in half.


My favorite story, however, was more of an accomplishment for me than anything else.  I threw a party at my house, and after drinking a full 5th of patron to my face, I started fucking this nameless slut in my living room, both of us butt naked in front of everybody.  I'm fucking her doggystyle, and right as i'm about to bust, I spit on her back and pull out.  I keep jacking myself off after I pull out, and she turns around just in time to get a solid 5-roper all in her hair/face/eyes/nose.

Never seen her again, but my friends still call me Houdini


----------



## Chemical Wizard

I once had a nosebleed all over my girlfriends face in the middle of sex.  Fun times !


----------



## phishy2

*what a mess!!*

I was having one of our usual verbal spats with my ex-bf while driving.  The spat seem to have ended when he started giving me some delightful road-head.  But, no, my asshole of an ex-bf had a plan to piss me off even more!!!   He gave me blissfullly great road-head, just until that point that he was sure I would blow a great huge load!!!  Then, just as i started to cum....his mouth left my semen squirting penis, causing me to cum all over the steering wheel, windshield, dashboard, t-shirt and black shorts.  He knew there as little I could do while driving the car to get him, besides calling him every curse I could every think off!!!!  But, once the car was stopped, the chase was on!!  I'm pretty sure I got his ass back that evening though!!


----------



## ugrl

i used to live with my aunt in a duplex(her and i in one half and some old lady in the other).  my aunt was always gone so i would often bring my fuck buddy home after a night of hard drinking and drug doing and have really rough sex-i was very loud and the bed would slam against the wall, well after one of these nights the neighbor left a note on the garage door for my aunt which asked my aunt to be more quiet when having sex, when my aunt talked to the old lady she said it sounded like s&m was going on(i dont remember all of it, but it was crazy sex).  my aunt told my parents right in front of me.  that was quite embarrassing.


----------



## I_get_down 86

I was fucking my ex girl behind a building off a back road, we were just about done then I here a car. Not too long after that we got spot lighted, the came up asking us questions while we were both still butt ass naked. After we got dressed he searched the car and then called her dad which was horrible because I was 19 and she was 16, I didn't get a charge but he held it over my head for a year, sorta made the whole relationship go down hill from then on..


----------



## XperiencedMe2

was fucking my ex in her asshole, no lube.,,,

pulled out after i came...

she said oh shit...

i saw shit and semen on my dick for the first time in my entire life....hopely last time too...
i had to keep it cool other wise she wouldnt let me put it back in  her pooper   so i was kind


----------



## WatMyConditionIsIn

k this doesnt sount great when compared to some of these others but me and my ex were at my parents cabin at a lake so we take my uncles boat up the lake to find a secluded spot to get nasty. well after doing pretty much everything possible in this boat we pop our heads up to see that there is another boat like 20 feet away with these older guys fishing.... im sure they must have known what was up when i get up with my swim trunks on and turn the boat on and start driving away meanwhile my ex is too embarassed and stayed lying naked on the floor of the boat till i got the fuck out of there. i couldnt help myself from waving to them as we passed within 5 feet of their boat on the way out of the little area we had found. we had a real good laugh after getting further down the lake though. ahh good times


----------



## dshock

XperiencedMe2 said:


> i had to keep it cool other wise she wouldnt let me put it back in  her pooper   so i was kind



This is key


----------



## TheLoneStarDJ

One time I was getting sucked off and blew a huge load in my ex's mouth and she choked and cum shot out of her nose. She started crying, and I couldn't stop laughing. At least I got mine though.


----------



## dshock

^Liar!


...and by "sucked off and blew a huge load in your ex's mouth" you mean jack off in your parent's basement to midget porn?


----------



## TheLoneStarDJ

dshock said:


> ^Liar!
> 
> 
> ...and by "sucked off and blew a huge load in your ex's mouth" you mean jack off in your parent's basement to midget porn?



No, they don't have a basement, and the correct term is "little people" porn.



Seriously though, I would have given anything to have a camera that day. I would probably turn it into a poster.


----------



## Seith

Me and my ex were fucking out the front of them round bars that look like huts in Thailand at about 3am when we thought no one was there. We were on a plastic chair going at it and the thing just collapsed. That doesn't sound too bad but the worst part was we heard a few people start laughing at us =(

We ended up walking down to the beach to finish there =)


----------



## ilikeket

Not any embarassing stories here, but many entertaining ones, I'll share a drug related one.
Met a random dude at a house party, and after drinking lots and lots of microwaved (I don't know why) alcohol and going for a smoke together he says I wish we had some weed, and I invited him back to mine for a smoke as I had some at home, with nothing sexual in mind.
Obviously very drunk at that point, we realise we don't have any king size skins and we're both too drunk to walk to the shop (a 5 minute walk), so we decided to stick some small rizlas together with glue stick for some reason. After 2-3 glue spliffs, the glue kicked in, so I started laughing uncontrollably during sex, which freaked him out a lot. Not that funny, kind of the you have to be there to laugh thing.
However, its been over a year now and even though we got together and broke up, we're still sleeping together  And smoke glue-laced spliffs for old times' sake..


----------



## thissongiscalled

nowonmai said:


> and I've gone down on a girl who was on, and didn't tell me... the following morning, walked into the kitchen to get some juice, and everyone just STARED at me.. I was clueless until I looked in the mirror.. not pretty
> [ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: nowonmai ]



oh man that had me dying!!


----------



## TheGlimmaMan

I had spent the night doing coke with a bunch of girls I worked with, I was fortunate enough to be the stock boy/security guard at fairly high end clothing store, with my being the only straight male, and many beautiful girls to work with. Well, I went home with a girl named connie, and I had been so jacked up on coke I dont know what the hell I was going to do with her. I was suddenly about to do one of the things I love to do most and go down on here, just just at that breif second before tongue reached clitoris, she thankfully said "Im sorry, I almost forgot to tell you, I have gential herpes and a flair up taking place now" 

Now imagine the paranoia of cocaine, induced with the horror of almost a life time face full of herpes, butt ass naked in Oct in Manhattan running out of the apartment, not knowing whthere to do do another bumpo, laugh cry or scream, but baby it was cold out side.


----------



## the black sun

Now this isnt very embarasing. Well it is kinda but it was when i lost my virginity with this lass (obviously). And i got on top finding this hole ya know. Finally got the fucker inn. Half way through she started just talking to me n not being intimate or passionate at all. So in my head i was thinking do i carry on and wait until i cum or just stop. But that isnt all phase 2 was anitiated and for sum fuckin crazy reason she started talking about different guys she had sex with while havin sex with me. But yer, being the desperate virgin i carried on. But it never caused any indepth crazy issues so its all good.


----------



## doppelganga196

Ahh man these are funny!  I must have a few i'm forgetting but the most recent embarassment is the only that stands out...

I was in bed with the host of the party 'H' i was drunk & cumming wasnt coming easy.  So this hot venezuelan girl 'S' comes walking in not really aware we were fuckin (i think), she say's "You two alright?" & for some reason i blurted out that we could use a little help!   Well needless to say H wasn't happy & shouted "S get out!" & she left.  I kinda turned my head expecting a nasty slap but no she just jumped right back on me!  She was moody after tho, so i slide my jeans back on & return to another room where some others are drinking & smoking i collpase into a chair exhausted, put my feet up on my friend k's lap only to see a rubber sticking out the end of my trouser leg!


----------



## Missalynn

I have one of those "too fucked up to be made up" stories:

I was at a party and this couple showed up that none of us really like because they have a tendency to get drunk and have sex in random places (which is creepy, unsanitary and annoying). Sure enough, they drink a ton and we see them walking upstairs hand in hand. After like 15 minutes we heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs so we all run up to make sure everything is ok....

I shit you not: 
He had started eating her out and threw up on her girly bits and passed out. She was so disgusted by this, she threw up. The sight of this made two of the people who ran in the room throw up.

It was fucking grossssss.


----------



## Ham420

Missalynn said:


> I have one of those "too fucked up to be made up" stories:
> 
> I was at a party and this couple showed up that none of us really like because they have a tendency to get drunk and have sex in random places (which is creepy, unsanitary and annoying). Sure enough, they drink a ton and we see them walking upstairs hand in hand. After like 15 minutes we heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs so we all run up to make sure everything is ok....
> 
> I shit you not:
> He had started eating her out and threw up on her girly bits and passed out. She was so disgusted by this, she threw up. The sight of this made two of the people who ran in the room throw up.
> 
> It was fucking grossssss.




JESUS


----------



## zurichsb

haha best thread, so i was about 14 and im butt naked about to get my first bj when my older borther runs in my room and tells me that my dog is running away and when i asked him if he could do me a favor and go get him he said no his lucky charms would get soggy. Fucking bastard haha we laugh about it to this day another time


----------



## fluxy

missjane said:


> we were at the supermarket when i picked up one of those spray cans of whipped cream and held it up to my new bf, winked and said what do u think about having some fun with this?   he replied alright lets go...we get home we get naked and i strategically and artistically proceed to cover his naked body with whipped cream.....i followed this with about 30mins of licking and slurping it off of his body (of course paying extra attention to the good bits) well he WAS impressed. ok, my turn so i lay down and he leaves no pink bit uncovered, right down to swirly bits on my nipples he creates a masterpiece! he puts the can down leans toward me takes one lick and says YUK how can you eat that its horrible! and there i was left laying in a bed of cream with no one to lick it off me





That is the most heartbreaking story ive ever heard in the bedroom ):  What ever happened to good ol bedroom ettiquite?  There are much worse tasting things to lick than whipped cream


----------



## MPH1

Not really embarrassing for me but......

Try inserting a chocolate button between your significant others buttcheeks while she/he is sleeping.

Observe the panic when she wakes up, notice the surrupticous sneaking off to the bathroom.

Laught heartily at their (perceived) misfortune


----------



## bighooter

couldnt get it up and the girl i was with said i was gay and that i should just come out and admit it.

She fcuked my head up bigtime.


----------



## speedyedie

Having sex with my ex once, i tied him to a chair and blindfolded him, halfway through the chair broke (I'm not fat! It was just rather rough.) It completely collasped. My flatmates came running in, and in the end I had to take him to A+E. He broke his arm and sprained his ankle :D


----------



## homeydontplaythat

this reminds me of the time i was fucking a 60 yr old man in the ass...


----------



## Pillthrill

This is so bad....
My bf was trying to teach me how to squirt and I think I was trying too hard. 
He was using my toy on me and I was trying and I farted a little. I was so fucking mortified. 
Although he was cool about it.


----------



## frozenorange

Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real. 
So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED. 

I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven. 

Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase. 

I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 

Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line. 

The Fucking End.


----------



## stealthtrucker

Fuck that I would of gone over the next day and taken her out somewhere to a hotel or something


----------



## JohnnyPoppySeed

So i guess i  posted this in the wrong thread before but im putting it here now


Theres this girl well call her C and my friend well call him G. So one night they both came to my place to chill and we did a ball of some really good coke between the three of us. Well the girl C and I had a fling a couple years back before her and G where together. So they ended up sleeping over in the same room i was sleeping in but on the floor on a sleeping bag. They started fucking...I got horney cuz i was high and started wanking off(I kno..I kno).Anyway G notices and tells C to get in my bed and take care of me too...(I think he was trying to test her cuz he suspected she still had a thing for me-mind at this point they where together for 3 yrs.) So she gets in my bed AND STARTS GIVING ME HEAD LOL. So i let her do it and then i start fuking her etc etc the whole deal. and i mean the whole deal...while G is in the room 3 feet away the entire time. and i had a GF at the time. I told my GF and she forgave me ...but i still feel really bad about it. not so much for G because he provoked it and me and C where both really fuked off the coke.needless to say where not friends anymore..


----------



## citizen cained

was round my ex's house and we were in her room door shut, however the door had a huge hole in it (resulting from her getting in a strop with her parents) so she was sucking my dick like a pro and after 4 mins or so i gaze over and was greeted by her 13 y/o sisters face staring at us through the hole, my ex didn't realise and was still going for it so i got her head and hugged it to try and cover up what was happening, it was then she looked and realised.. i couldn't look her sister in the face after that.


----------



## citizen cained

another one: me and my ex were shagging at my house and my mum walked in, we were upstairs luckily so we quickly got dressed and we both walked down thinking we got away with that, it was then, after my ex went to the toilet, that my mum said "interrupted did i?" and winked at me.. i have never felt so embarrassed in my life lol


----------



## citizen cained

one more, not really embarrassing but more frustrating:
me and my ex were round her house and we haven't shagged for ages so we were all teasing each other like groping etc getting really REALLY horny i was about to explode so i took off her tights, then just as i slip inside, her parents come through the door... god i have never been so frustrated in my life..


----------



## FlippingTop

frozenorange said:


> Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real.
> So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
> 
> The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED.
> 
> I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven.
> 
> Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase.
> 
> I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
> 
> Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line.
> 
> The Fucking End.



lmao, unlucky


----------



## citizen cained

frozenorange said:


> Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real.
> So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
> 
> The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED.
> 
> I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven.
> 
> Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase.
> 
> I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
> 
> Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line.
> 
> The Fucking End.



wow I will now refer this post to anyone who says they have relationship problems and say you think your life sucks.. read this.


----------



## stager biscuit

My buddy and his girl were upstairs having anal sex while her dad was downstairs apparently they forgot the lube so when he went to pull out her sphincter ripped off and was stuck and around his dick which is bad enough but then they both had to go downstairs and explain to her dad what happened they then had to go to the ER where the doc removed it from his member and sewed it back on to her ass. true story no bullshit that has to be the most embarrassing thing ever


----------



## phishy2

*yea, right.....*

hmmmm, i doubt the truth of this story above!!!!
It may have felt like he torn her sphincter off.....but I think the rest of the story is beyond truth.
Sorry greenlighter!!


----------



## mymindisgoo

about 3 years ago i was with this girl on my bed. she was on her hands and knees, i stuck one finger in her asshole and she flew across the bed ha. it was pretty funny


----------



## smokerblock

Farted during sex, completely ruined the mood


----------



## docbp87

Worst ever was the first time I had sex after I started taking citalopram. I had been on it for probably a month, and had noticed that even while getting myself off, it took longer, and took some real concentration sometimes. I figured this wouldn't be an issue though... actually didn't even really think about it. Oh man. Three hours into it, I was exhausted, she was sore, and I still wasn't even close. I literally just went "Yeah this isn't going to happen. Don't worry. It's all my drugs."


----------



## Megalum

Okay here's one. I was 17, and my friend and 2 girls we were mutually friends with were chilling out in their rural road side of town, and we ended up becoming smashed, driving across town to my house where my friend was staying, the girl I was talking to came with me into my house. It was a Friday, and my parents ran a karaoke thing till 11 pretty much throughout high school, so I always had Friday nights to myself (i know, right?) 

        So it was almost 11, but my clock was two time zones off for some stupid reason and said 9, I didn't check many other clocks as I was smashed and about to get laid . So we JUST start and I hear rustling noises near the door. We scramble to the closet, putting on something like clothing (i had one sock, no shoes, and shorts with a shirt two sizes too large. We jump out the window that was conveniently atop the AC box thing, run to the car so she can jump in it, then I came back inside as if i had to get something from the car. Parents knew what was up, so they start to fuck with me and ask obvious questions. The door was locked, so they emphasize asking why it was locked, we get inside, condom wrapper on the floor, they were looking at the window, so I scooted it under the bed, and her bra was thrown off, but almost hid itself which was nice. So they had no proof, and let me and my friend off with a series of scornful looks. Fun fun. She's still my friend now as well  ironically pregnant with another of my friend's baby.

... I mean it's kind of embarrassing <_<. Okay so not so much..enjoy. At least I'm pretty :D


----------



## TheUncreated

All you dissociative fiends out there will love this one...  

When I'm back home from school, I often spend my nights on the beach, as it's a five minute walk away and a perfect place to go mind-expand and ogle at the stars for hours on end.  Anyway, as a sort of crucial prologue to this story, already underway was most epic biochemical war scene.  My nasal mucosae and NMDA's had been at the receiving end of an unrelenting salvo of methoxetamine.  Of a few things, I am certain: I ended up on this particular night burning through a heinous amount of substance in a remarkably short amount of time, and that at some point I said to my company (by whom I am quoted to this day), "Double vision was _so_ one hundred milligrams ago!"  Depth perception was also royally fucked.  And of course, it took all the coordination I could to muster the gait of the average undead ex-porn star.  Stay with me, the sex part will come (pun intended).

I was walking (or somehow otherwise commuting by foot) down a trail that lead to a private beach access, an area that is completely deserted 99% of the time at this ungodly hour.  Well, as you probably guessed, tonight fell under that 1%.  I was temporarily separated from the two friends I was with after they wandered off to find a place to urinate, and started doing some wandering of my own.  As I approached a sort of clearing in the thick of tall grass and palm trees, I began to experience auditory hallucinations, as I often do on MXE, characterized as usual by extreme flanging-type distortion.  I began to hear sounds that were definitely recognizable as those that could only be made by a living organism, possibly even human, but terrible and alien.  Unlike anything I had ever heard.  The best I can describe the noises (and I'm truly sorry for this one) would be akin to the twisted gurgling of some demonic, twisted horror from the late and great Silent Hill franchise. I was petrified.  

At this point my two fellow conquistadors had finished relieving themselves, and now began to follow me just out of earshot, reveling in my lack of functionality and taking great humor in waiting for me to do something completely ridiculous.  

As I stumbled nearer to the clearing from which the decidedly alien entity was guffawing into the darkness, it's terrible mewling grew more rhythmic and more distorted. I suddenly got the inexplicable feeling that it did in fact recognize my presence and, furthermore, was challenging me - that its ululations were an display of animalistic territorialism.  For reasons I cannot explain to you all, I was somehow convinced that I needed to meet this creature in physical combat for the sake of .... humanity....or some other (hopefully noble) reason.  I literally charged, frightened but unwilling to flee my otherworldly opponent, into the woodsy expanse that runs alongside the shore leading up to the clearing, acquired a dead palm frond and snapped off the end, forging a rudimentary longsword.  I then pressed on once again towards the source of the noise.  

I now was very close and could finally make visual contact with the abomination.  My vision, however, was too unfocused to make out the full nature of its nightmarish form.  I continued towards the enemy until finally, all was revealed.  The monster was a grotesque many-limbed amalgam of disproportionate appendages protruding from a mutated, distended torso. It gave a shrill, atonal shriek and began to writhe wildly, sinuously flaunting its tentacled mass.  I was ready.  I faced my foe, prepared for the coming brawl, when the most unexpected thing yet happened.  The confrontation: what happened next was, to put it mildly, very confusing.The creature was abruptly overcome with shocked silence, ceased its awful caterwauling, and rapidly metamorphosed before my eyes.  It shifted and contorted, adopting an altogether new physiology, and fled into the darkness.  The last thing I remember was attempting to run as fast as I could back to my friends to regale them with my odd encounter.

Now, for the embarrassing truth.  And I absolutely could not have made this up.  Long story short, it turns out that the friend who sold the three of us the half gram of MXE two days prior to this adventure picked this exact time to be boning his coke dealer, from behind, her leaning against a tree, him standing, their bodies juxtaposed, legs staggered, when suddenly some deranged fucking lunatic comes stalking out of the darkness brandishing a giant stick in his hand.  

Everyone else thought I recognized him and was just consciously being a jackass and trying to scare the shit out of him.  

Methoxetamine.  Hell of a drug.


----------



## maxalfie

Years ago not long after having my tongue pierced with a barbell stud. 
Me and my girl were getting hot and heavy and I decided to go down on her to try out my new piercing to see what she thought of it. 
All was going well, she was nice and wet and moaning away, perfect.Perfect that is until I tried to pull away. One of her pubic hairs had become entwined around my tongue stud,each time I pulled up it would pull on her hair and on my tongue causing us both a bit of pain. 
In the end to save my face forever being stuck at minge level I had to bite the bullet and snap my head back thus breaking her wire like pubic hairs grip on my tongue. 
Lets just say it was a valuable lesson on the dangers of body piercing.


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## Addyman

When I was 15

I remember fingering a girl, warming her up
I fingered too long...
SHE CAME while I fingered her, she rolled over and fell asleep

And I'm sitting there with a massive boner like............

I got her back though
one morning when she stayed the night, i barge into my cousins room with fake blood sll over my face, dried
NOTE:she was staying in my cousin's room

I'm like "YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME YOU WERE ON YOUR PERIOD"

I told her it was a joke when she started crying

my cousin was like O.O


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## mrflowers00

i was fucking my girl in the ass and my dad came in the room


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## Diloadid

In the first serious relationship of my life, which was with a cute little ole' Japanese girl in redneck Kentucky! haha, I was going down on her... and for some reason my face felt really sticky, and there was an odd taste... We were in the dark so it wasn't, you know, obvious at the time. When I pulled my head, she shrieked and ran to the bathroom. When I went and looked in the mirror... BLOODFACE. 

She was embarrassed as hell, but eh... I was just stoked on eating some poon.


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## Dread calm

I was about 16 and laying on my gf's bed getting a cracking bj, and right as i shot my bolt in her mouth her mum burst through the door. In shock my gf spat cum all over me leaving me laying there cock out covered in spunk in front of her mum. She just stared silently at us for about 5 seconds and walked back out. That was 14 years ago and when i see her mum now we STILL cant look each other in the eye.


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## Tripman

mrflowers00 said:


> i was fucking my girl in the ass and my dad came in the room



I guess it's pretty strange to have your dad beat off to your sexcapades.


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## TouchN' Stuff Blvd

Tied boyfriend to chair, rental agent opens door leading young middle class couple on tour, gives very much abbreviated description of apartment and leaves, pretty much ignoring the elephant in the room.  Different things were going on but I think at the time she opened the door I was blowing him, I dont know how much she saw.  Really though as awkward as it sounds I was just happy to spice up their day.  Im sure I was pretty fucked up at the time though, as it took reading posts in this thread to even make me remember it happened.


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## TouchN' Stuff Blvd

^my main memory of that situation was being the only one who could make eye contact with anyone, my boyfriend was avoiding looking at any of the visitors, and the rental agent was pretending the prospective buyers were the only ones that existed, and I was looking at everyone although no one would look at me back.  I am sure benzos or alcohol was involed.


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## tokenname

I was 18...he was older...we were drinking, 
smoking bowls...walking around a hometown with
nothing in it to do...
The mood struck...
we happened to find an abandoned building...or so we thought..
which was unlocked..
we made it to the stairs right inside the front door..before my pants..
made it to my ankles...
he decides to try to make me happy
which i appreciated the :try" part anyway..
if you know what i'm saying...
in walks..flashlights, uniforms, even a k-9. ( silent alarm)
me ...pantsless..and him..face deep...uggghhh...'
mood killer...apparently they have video of this..who is they?l
i don't want to know...but..
i did get a trespassing ticket..but they spared me the underage drinking..
as they thought i was being taken advantage of by an older bf...
we'd been together 2 years..but they didn't believe me...

i don't remember what his tickets were..but they were harsher on him...
just fines..but still...
i know there's a video...this i don't like...


embarassing.


~token


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## tricomb

Ambien, 'nuff said...


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## b4rd

nowonmai said:


> I had the daughter walk in too... while mum was getting a little spank for being naughty
> and I've gone down on a girl who was on, and didn't tell me... the following morning, walked into the kitchen to get some juice, and everyone just STARED at me.. I was clueless until I looked in the mirror.. not pretty
> [ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: nowonmai ]




oh , my god


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## MountEdenDubstep

DjIgnite said:


> marry me.
> most embarassing, huh? i'll make it short and simple.
> '96, yankee stadium, blow job, big screen.
> [ 09 August 2002: Message edited by: DjIgnite ]



That is the funniest thing I have heard all day! HILARIOUS, OMG!!!


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## J.Wallace

tricomb said:


> Ambien, 'nuff said...



Amen! 

Only embarressing story I really have is I was at my house chilling with my gf at the time. We were fucking like rabbits our whole relationship since we lost our virginity to each other, so naturally we are exploring new frontiers together. I have her over one day and we're going at it, nothing unusual, just me fucking her missionary. In walks my best friend at the time. Not even joking, the minute I heard him walking up my stairs to my room, I jumped butt ass naked out of my girl, from my bed to my couch, bounced off my closet door and jumped from the closet door into the door just in time to slam it in his face as he gets an inch or two of the door open. 

To this day he swears he saw my girls twat as he walked in but I call bullshit, I never ran for the door so fast in my entire life!


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## BigG

More painful than embarrasing but new years eve 1999 I was 25 and met this super hot 40 year old in a club...we'd each done a couple grams of coke and about 4 tabs of MDMA each and were both fucked....anyway we end up.back at her place and shes rideing me so hard that my foreskin tears necessitating an emergency circumcision!!! It hurt like fuck but was still worth it ha ha!!


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## Sprout

I have a few but only time to post one; my favourite.
I was with this girl and this was the second time we'd done it, so we're going (and going and going - opiates, eh?) so I'm just about to cum, pull out and aim for the face, and then proceeded to shoot my load while, in my best Jim Carrey voice, loudly and proudly shouting "HIGH HO SILVER, AWAYYYY!".


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## BigG

After my last back operation I realised that a combination of morphine and viagra made me last a LONG time...........giving my new girlfriend the impression that I was a super stud...........which unfortunately I'm not lol!!


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## opi8

Dread calm said:


> I was about 16 and laying on my gf's bed getting a cracking bj, and right as i shot my bolt in her mouth her mum burst through the door. In shock my gf spat cum all over me leaving me laying there cock out covered in spunk in front of her mum. She just stared silently at us for about 5 seconds and walked back out. That was 14 years ago and when i see her mum now we STILL cant look each other in the eye.



At least you didn't get it IN her eye.


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## Le'Mix

Apparently I attempted sex with a sofa/couch one time when I was off me tits on XTC. 
Fortunately for me I can't remember a thing and no-one took any pics or video.

I believe them though, but fucking a sofa/couch sounds difficult.

Result.


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## supersmoker27

I had been smoking crack eatin benzos  and having sex with this girl all night on my trampoline, and my friend jason comes by to pick up his cousin who was also at my place. Casually says "yo jordan, whats up man," there I am buck ass naked with her legs pinned up balls deep, just keep goin and turn my head around and say "just chillin" and continue on. It was kinda dark but he told me later he saw lol. 
Well the next day after lots of sex, were going at it again, lots of IV coke and benzos. By this time were both rubbed pretty raw from the previous night. 

 im in the bench at the pool bathrooms and shes on top giving me a hand job. Well we were really opiated too so shes jackin me off hard. were kissin and Im fingering her, she was kinda being rough with the hand job, anyways I cum, feel a little pain and look down to see blood and cum. She had torn my foreskin not pretty. Then proceeds to tell me "oh wow you should get tested for STD's" as if this happened because I have a STD and not because she just tore my fuckin foreskin. im like BITCH YOU JUST TORE MY FORESKIN. talk about addin insult to injury lol. Lots of benzos were involved too.
_______________________________________


My homegirl told me she was with this dude who was fucking her missionary. and just kept pressing his face into hers, saying "are you gonna cum yet, are you almost gonna cum, are you gonna cum?' so she said "NO", got up, put her clothes on, and left.  lol
________________________________________


This past weekend I was messin with this black chick (first time with a black girl!). anyways after not being able to get it up at first, (too much suboxone the night before) she starts pouting "your cock doesnt like me, why dont you wanna fuck me, aww its ok if your not sexually attracted to me" like damn bitch, that kinda talk sure aint helping. so I fessed up bout the opiates and went down on her. She was more understanding once she got hers but still it was very uncomfortable situation.

Then she wants me to fuck her cause by now im hard, I look for my condoms... im out of condoms, just fuckin perfect, shes not happy bout it either.  Then im fingering her and shes moaning not to stop, well my arms tired so I stuck my fingers in her mouth to wet em and tried to switch hands real quick. While switching hands I caught the side of my fingernail on her pussy and she yelped in pain. I felt bad, she jokingly said, "your on a roll today". She jacked me off forever and I came finally and we toked up. 
so at least she came twice, I came last, roll the grass. 

 Ive since fucked her and all we made an arrangement to smoke and fuck all day on sundays so its all good. But embarrsing first time having her over. not being able to get hard, not having rubbers, then scratching her pussy.


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## StigmaShadow

When I was in high school me and my ex were getting wild at my moms apartment. She bent over infront of me and we started doing it doggy, when I looked down I couldnt tell if it was a shadow or a "poop shadow" at the bottom of her bung. So I pressed her ass cheeks together, and when I let go of them there was this green ring around her asshole. Omg so gross, haha. I stopped right there and was like "lets go take a shower"


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## badfish45

My first time having sex, I was drunk and the girl was wasted, we found a room with a drunk kid in it but he was so passed out.

he started feeling her up and she didnt do anything, it was a drunk asshole move on my part.

Once I leave the room he does anal on her, she thought it was me. Things got bad.  I still feel guilty.


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## 《Plasticity》

Well in HS I was gonna fuck this super hot chick I had been hitting on at a party all night and I couldn't get it up cuz I was on a fuckload of xanax and oxy. Imagine a horny ass 17 year old about to have sex with a girl he's liked for years but just physically can't, It was devastating lol. Well the girl stayed over and we started to give it another go in the morning and what do you know, my dick doesn't fit in her pussy. I'm not bragging but for a short guy I'd say I'm packing some heat, at least a good 8 or more inches. She was beyond tight and when I got it in she was not enjoying it, I could see the hurt on her face so all in all it was a lame and embarrasing experience . We decided a to finish things off with a blowjob and we never bothered fooling around again. Never thought I'd say this but I wish she would've been rather loose, maybe she was made for 'smaller' guys, she did say all her ex's were way smaller than me so we were just 2 puzzle pieces that didn't fit. From that day on things were kinda awkward between us but we were still friends.


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## -=SS=-

CaptainKratom said:


> She was beyond tight and when I got it in she was not enjoying it, I could see the hurt on her face



Don't think that's a tight pussy so much as anxiety/nervousness causing her muscles to contract, which would be painful for her. 

Some of these stories are ace.. the big screen blowjob at the stadium made me chuckle. All i can offer is getting a huge queef straight in the gob when going down on my gf. Usually they're pretty hilarious and we laugh about them. Oh, and a queef-cumfart.. that's hilarious. Gross, but hilarious. There were no bubbles unfortunately.


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## gorgoroth

It's more bizarre then anything else, I met a girl at work (I am a manager at a gas station, not a good idea to bang customers). Asked for her number, nice, cute blonde, all went well and we arranged to meet up at tim hortons for lunch the next day. We had lunch, she caught me staring at her tits, but her reaction was to wink at me and ask me to go back to her place, I gladly oblidged, and we got down pretty quick. When I was about to cum, I asked her if I could go on her face, she looked me in the eye and shook her head, not even saying a word. As soon as I'm done, she starts bawling hysterically, like a complete mental breakdown, just sitting there sobbing. I'm standing there butt naked and completely dumbfounded, I never experienced anything like that before.

 She then told me "sorry, I can't do this anymore" and drove me home, crying the whole way, and I was completely blown away, I didn't say so much as a word, she dropped me off without saying anything, f'in awful man. I got a text from her later saying sorry and wanting to see me again, needless to say I didn't answer..


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## CaseFace

I was going down on my ex and she farted right before she was about to come - She got so self conscious and embarrassed that she started crying which made her even more upset because I hadn't gotten off yet and now she didn't feel like sex and thought i was going to get pissed at her for giving me blue balls (which i didn't....) 

I woulda just laughed it off but apparently it was a huge embarrassment for her. Comforted her for a bit, convinced her i wasn't mad and we went to sleep. Finished what we had started the next morning.


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## Dunno

BBBJ then getting some bad white crap coming out of dick and was stinging, got checked out hospital they said it was herpes, took their meds didn't go away.
Went to a sexual health clinic the woman who checked me out was sorta nice lookin so had to think different thoughts when she was checkin me out but didn't work so it was slowly rising, maybe half semi ha, then says no your all fine you have a healthy looking penis..The swab she put in there farrrrkin KILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Did you stick something in there, because some people do that"
Fuck! does anyone on here stick stuff inside their dick?


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## tomatalli

I had sex with my friends sister and it wouldn't fit for the longest time we just sat there laughing because we were good friends who hooked up every once and awhile.  It finally fit lol


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## gr33n3y3z

Ez-goin said:


> This isn't my story, but I thought it was pretty funny . . .
> My friend's gf's parents went away for the weekend so they decided to get a little freaky deaky in the living room. They sex eventually moved to anal and they were really getting into it when the front door opened and her parents walked in the house.
> My friend jumped up and ran out the back door but as he did he pulled out so fast that his gf ended up crappin on the floor. You could imagine her parent's reaction upon walkin in to the room and seein their daughter on all fours, neckid, with a pile of shit between her legs. LOL!
> Needless to say, by friend was never allowed to see that girl again.



I had to bring this post back from the dead. Oh man that's priceless! I laughed so hard.


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## DutchBloke

gr33n3y3z said:


> I had to bring this post back from the dead. Oh man that's priceless! I laughed so hard.


Agreed, one of the best things i've read in here


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## Sourtulip

Lots of great posts here!

I don't have anything on the same level as most of these awesome tales of embarrassment but I do have one which was a true WTF moment.

Me and my (soon to be) girlfriend was making out in my room at school. For some wierd reason, it ended up with me being completely naked and her fully dressed while giving me head. In walks a mutual friend of ours and I manage to cover myself with a blanket right before he see's me in all my unholy glory. So, what he saw was basically me and my gf sitting next to each other, staring out in the thin air, doing nothing, me completely naked and her fully dressed. I'm sure he didn't know what to make of it.

Another time, same girl, same place. There was a lot of people and loud talking in the room next to mine. As we started to have sex, the talking dimmed down, which I didn't notice at the time, but in retrospect I'm sure they were listening in on the action. Anyways, I end up having a rather loud orgasm and the very instance I cum, the whole room breaks out in wall shattering laughter. 

The real reason I'm writing this post is to tell one of my friends story. Not a real sex story but close enough I quess.

Me and two of my friends (all males btw), was smoking some weed and doing N2O. One of my friends did 2x8g in one go and soon after exhaling, he gets this wild and confused look on his face. He then threw him self on to the floor and started to take his pants off, clearly trying to free his cock from panty prison. It was a hilarious act to behold, I've never seen anyone try so hard to get their pants off in such a hurry while apparently being unable to comprehend just how to do so. In the end he figured it out and just as he get's ready to pull his cock out, he's facial expression completely changes in a matter of seconds, from looking like a maniopsychotic freak to that of an embarrassed and confused individual. 
He takes his pants on and sits down, looking rather confused, with me and my friend just waiting with anticipation for him to include us in wtf just happened. 
Once he was completely down, which in the case of N2O, isn't longer than 5 more minuts, he was able to tell us that in his mind at the time, it would be funny, not for him but for us, if he were to pull out his cock and start giving himself a blowjob (which he most likely ain't able to do, due to physiological reasons) so apparently that was what he was going for. 
Obviously, this intention of his, didn't make it any less of a WTF moment for us nor any less of an embarrasing moment for him, to say the least.


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## ememc41

At 16 my boyfriend was uncircumsized
We were having sex and I kept queefing
his friend was sitting next to me
SO embarrassing
My dirty underwear were in his basement ceiling for 4 years last time I saw him he told me (7 years ago)


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## jhjhsdi

Euphorica513 said:


> . Also the dog started to bother us and it licked my boob.


Hot


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## jhjhsdi

Some great lockdown reading in here haha don't know why i dont come to B.O.BL more often


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## jhjhsdi

Not really sure where to start with mine.. Some are more funny/weird tbh, or embarrassing for the girl.. 

Nodded off once while getting head on gbl, k and pharms, then woken up and fucked her then fell asleep stood up naked lol

This birds 10yr old lad coming in the room without knocking while I had her tied up and was throat fucking her, that was pretty bad (for them, that poor kid man, i bet hes never looked at his mum the same) 

Had a girl puke on my balls during deepthroat, she trooped on though, grabbed her t-shirt and wiped it up real quick and went back at it haha

Not being to get it up due to drugs countless times is embarrassing, but as long as they understand its the drugs and not them, and your tounge/finger combo game is on point, you make them cum a few times then you sleep it off and dick them first thing in the morning, its usually forgotten about haha

A little poo nugget fell out of this girls ass after i gave her anal, not sure why but i instantly covered it up with this little pillow she had on the bed, I think to save her embarrassment. Went to wash my dick and she had grabbed the pillow and was using it (poo side down) i had to tell her, she cried, lol

Probably loads more but thats all i can think of off the top of my head


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## kaosisallwesee

When I was 19 I was getting with this girl I'd known for a while through other friends. We go out one night and get a bit messed up before going back to my place. She's sat/laid with her legs over the side of the bed while I go down on her. All is good and normal until I start to finger her. I focus my eyes and notice bucket loads of white creamy discharge flowing down my wrist and arm from her fanny. I knew she wasnt the kind of girl to take this kind of thing in her stride, so to save her from embarrassment I covertly grab a towel from next to my bed and removed the evidence as well as I could before making up an excuse about having a migraine so we could stop and I could go to the bathroom lol. When I got back she said she was going to go if I wasn't feeling well, and we never hooked up again. I don't embarrass easily and I know its nothing to be ashamed of really, but even I was embarrassed for her.


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## jhjhsdi

kaosisallwesee said:


> When I was 19 I was getting with this girl I'd known for a while through other friends. We go out one night and get a bit messed up before going back to my place. She's sat/laid with her legs over the side of the bed while I go down on her. All is good and normal until I start to finger her. I focus my eyes and notice bucket loads of white creamy discharge flowing down my wrist and arm from her fanny. I knew she wasnt the kind of girl to take this kind of thing in her stride, so to save her from embarrassment I covertly grab a towel from next to my bed and removed the evidence as well as I could before making up an excuse about having a migraine so we could stop and I could go to the bathroom lol. When I got back she said she was going to go if I wasn't feeling well, and we never hooked up again. I don't embarrass easily and I know its nothing to be ashamed of really, but even I was embarrassed for her.


The main question is, did the discharge smell?


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## mtu mwendawazimu

My first handjob, the girl mashed it. (Think of always sunny in philly - gail the snail)

She also left a CRUSTATION of saliva on my face from sloppy make out.

I cheated on her with a chicka 3 years older. In a tree. In front of her friends.

I called her telling her i cheated and broke up with her. The next day in school she tried to slap me. I blocked it. I was like 12 i think.


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## chris iapetus

Let me just say ... in a room lit by a single candle (across the room), when you & your chosen are deeply loaded, when anal sex is about to happen, DO NOT place the lube next to the vicks vapo-rub. Just don't do it. Trust me on this. The relationship may survive, but the night, my friend, has ended, noisily, with much recriminations & well-earned guilt. Treat the cold tomorrow. Treat the singed self-respect over time. Treat the woman very, very nicely for a good-ass long time.


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## nznity

I pissed myself while window shopping xd I was drunk asf, couldn't find the bathroom.
I still got laid tho hahahaha


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