# RIP Mugz



## angelsmoke

I don't know what to say in this post. What do you say?

Martin, my dearest friend and the most big hearted lovely guy I've known, has been found dead. I don't know yet if it was suicide or accidental. I know accidental death would be such a waste but all I can think is PLEASE PLEASE don't let it be suicide. I can't bear the thought of him being so lost and alone and lonely and desperate that he took his own life. 

I wish I had something more to say. I feel like I've been punched in the chest. It hurts so much and all I want is one more chance to talk to him and hug him and make things alright.

I'll just post this now. I'm fucking broken hearted.


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## Shambles

Whut?!? Seriously? Probably not something you'd be joking about but that's properly shocking if it's true


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## Pagey

WHAT?! Jesus Christ...I hope this isn't true


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## Vertigo100

What the fuck


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## breakcorefiend

Pagey said:


> WHAT?! Jesus Christ...I hope this isn't true



no, im pretty sure this has to be a joke no??

oh man i told him off the other day too,

IS THIS SERIOUS??


fucking hoping its a joke


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## Venrak

Man, i don't know what to say here....

I mean, I didn't know the guy that much but my heart is sunk so far into my gut...

You will be missed...

RIP.


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## Pagey

When did this happen? I saw him on skype just a few hours ago, should've fucking spoken to him...jesus


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## angelsmoke

It's not a joke.

I found out just an hour ago from his family down in portsmouth. His cousin contacted me, trying to get in touch with his mum and sister. His cousin is a 30-something married mum of two. She's not a joker or a prankster.


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## kaywholed

rip


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## Shambles

angelsmoke said:


> It's not a joke.



Wasn't thinking a joke so much as hopefully a mistake of some kind. Doesn't look to be then given how you found out. Terrible news. Really not good at all.

Hope you're doing as well as can be expected and have people to talk to as and when needed


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## Raasyvibe

.


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## Cornishman

Holy fuck..


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## angelsmoke

Pagey said:


> When did this happen? I saw him on skype just a few hours ago, should've fucking spoken to him...jesus



I don't know. I don't know anything. i want to ask for deails but I don't think I can, you know? A few hours ago!?!? Fuck..... it must have been his computer left online, it can't have been that recent.

Here is everything I know, edited to protecy privacy:

Martin's cousin

Hiya hun have you heard from <martin's mum/sister> X

22:53
Me

Hi. Random! No, I haven't. Last I heard was from Martin at the end of February saying <martin's mum> was cancer-free. I hope everything is ok.
x

22:54
Martin's cousin

I know its random, sorry. Do you and martin still talk? X

22:59
Martin's cousin

Either way I feel you should know as I know you were close.
Please please don't put anything on facebook yet. martin has been found dead, we don't know details yet and I'm sorry to give you such bad news but I don't want you to find out by comments on facebook if and when people find out. If you ever want to talk, I'm here xxxx

22:59
Me

That's ok! Martin and I talk sometimes. We'd like to be friends, but it's not easy.

...........................

oh my giod.

Fuck

23:00
Martin's cousin

I'm sorry x

23:00
Me

I'm sorry too. That's so horrible.

 I don't know what to say. I'm really really sorry. My best wishes and love to all of you, and thank you for telling me so I didn't find out another way.

23:03
Martin's cousin

I know I'm devastated, the whole family are. But I know martin spoke highly of you so thought you had the right to know first hand xx

Please don't write anything on facebook yet as all the family haven't been told yet xx take care xxx

23:20
Me

I won't put anything on facebook. Sorry for vanishing, I phoned my mum and had a big cry. I am so so sorry, i don't know what else to say.
You take care too. x

23:24
Martin's cousin

That's ok I totally understand, I screamed when my mum told.me, still can't quite believe it. Think everyone will be lost for words. Such a sad sad day. Sending you a hug xx


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## angelsmoke

Yeah shambles, I didn't think you were accusing me of making the thread as a joke, but I really don't think I've been pranked here.

so fucking fucked up. fuck fuck fuck fuck fucl


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## Mysterie

that sucks to hear

✞ r.i.p ✞


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## breakcorefiend

I'm so so sorry for suggesting a joke, I just thought a really twisted mugz joke, oh fuck

I'm sorry rip dude, can't get my head round it


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## Kronos

Fuckinghell.

RIP


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## Venrak

^ I think the first reaction everyone had was denial...It's only normal, doubt anyone took the joke thing seriously.


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## badandwicked

I feel sick to my stomach.

Poor guy, what ever happened. (statement not question)

He had so much potential, I really wished I could have got through to him one way or the other. So many people must feel this way.

RIP Mugz. If only this was a joke.


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## Pagey

Fuck I'm so sorry angelsmoke, I'll be thinking of you and his family...I just feel horrible. He was a great guy, RIP Martin.


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## smokemctoke420

That's fucking sad. I remember talking to him about rehab and his mom.  I'm glad the last thing I said was nice.

I barely knew him but my heart still sunk when I read the title 

RIP Mugz


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## T. Calderone

Sad news, bless his heart


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## badandwicked

I was blunt with him recently out of frustration of seeing someone with so much going for them wasting their life. But then we made our peace and I told him he was good looking which he appreciated 

Like angel said I hope it was a mistake/accident. I know he was using b recently. I had a weird premonition a few months ago his would be the next name we saw with RIP next to it.

Thinking of you big time Angel, and of course his family


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## angelsmoke

Venrak said:


> ^ I think the first reaction everyone had was denial...It's only normal, doubt anyone took the joke thing seriously.



No, indeed. I get where people were coming from. Mugz does disaster, then rights himself. He doesn't die. 

I took it seriously because I needed to because it made me half go into denial too. i can't believe it. 



breakcorefiend said:


> oh man i told him off the other day too,



And I've no doubt that he deserved a telling off!!

He got lots of tellings off from me and from lots of people on here. He never listened. He alwauys just kept on doing his Mugzy thing. I know one of his last posts on here was saying he was suicidal, but I really really don't think he deliberately killed himself. I'm not going to wander off into egotistical musings about the fact that I could have done more.

I want this thread to be about nice things about the silly jester from portsmouth. But I can't think of nice things when i feel like my guts have been ripped out. He was a fucking idiot. A sweet and well meaning loving idiot. FUCK.


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## Morphling

Tragic news, I'm sorry Angel, and hope you and his family can eventually find peace with your loss


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## Urbain

Jesus. Awful, awful news.

Mart, I hope wherever you are, you are finally at peace.


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## badandwicked

Bless you Angel, I didn't know he said that about feeling suicidal. 

BCF no-one told him off just for the sake of being a cunt, we just wanted to see him back on an even keel. Like you said Angel, he walked his own path. 

The nice things will come, he was popular in an enduring way that many EADDers aren't (I include myself in that) because it was so obvious he was a good hearted & nice person. We're all in shock.


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## knock

Fuck 


Fuck fuck fuck fuck.


Angelsmoke I'm so sorry,  to you.


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## RLP

So sad, Mugz was a great character, forum was brighter for his presence.

Lean on the good people of BL as much as you need angelsmoke. Thoughts with you and Martin's family.


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## Vertigo100

If ever there was a call for blacklight this is it. Shared the same name as him and PM'd a few times about stupid shit. 

Ill miss his posts. Liked reading about his escapades as I'm mainly a lurker.


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## StoneHappyMonday

FFS. 

RIP Mugz.


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## Red Arrow

awful news
didnt know him that well - i stopped posting regularly before he became a EADD addict but he was a good natured chap, heart goes out to his family. such a sad story that appears far too regularly on this forum

RIP


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## breakcorefiend

Thanks b&w to be honest unjust wanted to see him living life happily, he was on such a bad path n I thought he had sorten it n the. I saw his 3-mmc binge n thought urgh

Phones about to die, be bk inabit


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## wcote

My thought's go out to his family and friends, and all who knew him.

He was a big character in EADD, will be missed by all.

Very sad.


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## eclipsedesign

For fuck sake! Logged on to see this at the top of the page  Agree with the blacklight..

Off to a funeral tomorrow as well, 'nuff death!

Hope his family are holding up okay..


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## xstayfadedx

No way... rip


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## breakcorefiend

Just thinking about this, we all should pull our fingers out n meet up somewhere accessable to us all for a gigantic messfest, im sure mugz woulda wanted it, any thoughts?


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## Captain.Heroin

rip


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## Mela

Jeez! This is terrible news.

Heart goes out to everyone who knew him. Chatted once in tinychat (or whatever) when he was on BL sabbatical (and obviously couldn't miss him here).


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## hydroazuanacaine

rip


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## iheartthisthread

my heart goes out to you and those who knew you...


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## laCster

damn RIP MUGZ


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## xTalK

I find it odd how I had a dreaded feeling, came on Bluelight and saw this thread. I'm honestly pretty devastated about this. Martin mate, you were a fucking legend even though we only got to spend a festival together I really appreciate all the good times we had both then and talking online. You were someone I considered a true friend, anytime I needed someone I could talk to in confidence you were available and willing and I hope you'd know it was the same. 

I actually saved a message you'd wrote to me a few days back there. After I'd had a really hard time due to drugs, you knew exactly how I felt and I will in remembrance of you stick to the advice you've gave me. Really helped me mate and I regret not being online the past few days for a chat on our lives but if you knew why you'd have been happy for me. I'm going to miss our chats, the advice you had and just hearing of your general antics mate. 

Regardless of any fuckers here who ever had anything to say one of the soundest people I ever met who had plenty of interesting stories and plain up brilliant for coming over to that festival and meeting all us BLrs. RIP Martin fucking legend, I'm gonah have a drink for you tomorrow mate, maybe I'll find that k cider. I don't know what to say more to this, maybe I'll return and repost later on reflection of all this. Rest in peace mate. 

Edit: An Ireland BL meetup in memory of Mugz is definitely on the cards. PM if interested any, should know who I am.


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## Ben So Furry

RIP Mugz


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## CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT

I'm so sorry to hear this. He was a troubled soul, and I can't help but think if he had have gotten some help with his issues things might have turned out differently. 

Rest in peace, Mugz.


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## NightsEpiphany

Oh my God I just heard!

I was only speaking to him the other night. He seemed fine.

RIP Mugz 

And a  Poppy I planted for him in a terracotta pot came up today. Life cannot be vanquished.


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## bagochina

RIP good buddy.


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## NightsEpiphany

and a good friend


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## modern buddha

Wow... I am very sad to find out this is not a joke...

My gosh. He was a troubled one, but his soul can rest now.


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## NightsEpiphany

He always seemed so happy when we talked.


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## matt<3ketamine

Just went for a walk in the snow, very sad about this






RIP


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## scrooloose

Mugz came across as a decent, harmless and caring young man and i'm certain he was.

So sad about this. R.I.P.


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## Mailmonkey

RIP Mugz


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## Allein

Such sad news, for one so young in body and mind, whatever happened I hope he has found some of the peace that has alluded him of late.

I almost quotes the bible (full of liable) as there are some words in Matthew about the innocence of children that I remember, but Martin's innocence was obvious to all.

I'm not big with words so a quote it is :-

*Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is. *

Yoda


RIP Martin


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## shimazu

sad to see

csnt say I was a fan or not a fan of the guy, but he at least made everyone else feel better about themselves by just being himself.

RIP


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## thattoh

Jesus, such shocking and sickening news.

Rip Mugz


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## Danny Weed

RIP Mugz

That is totally fucked up.


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## Bearlove

This is horrible news,  not often that I'm lost for words.   RIP Mugz.

My heart goes out to his friends and family.


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## tragiclemming

Wow.


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## JedTheHumanoid

Oh What horrible news. RIP Mugz...

So sorry for you Angel and everyone close to him...


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## headfuck123

i am absolutely speechless! I was lucky enough to spend a weekend with martin during the summer at a festival and he was genuinely a really nice guy, this is really terrible news. My thoughts are with his family and closer friends! x


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## lostNfound

keep ya head up champ :D hang in there as long as you can


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## The_Rogue

RIP, good fellow.


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## lostNfound

i still think were being trolled, did he really died?

hes going to respawn any day now.


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## rickolasnice

No.. fucking.. way..

 Much love


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## ColtDan

Oh fuck... terrible news, lost for words, RIP mugz. gentle nice harmless caring person who made to effort to chat, demons which could have been overcome, even though we didnt really get along ill miss not seeing you post on here. life... mysterious fragile journey


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## rickolasnice

I'm still hoping Mugz is just being an ultimate troll


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## tricomb

Jesus.... God bless his soul.


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## Myshkin

Wow. Where to begin? Things were bad for him, but I don't think anybody saw this coming. 

I won't attempt to gloss over the fact that Martin and I had our differences and were by no means bosom buddies, but I never thought of him as a truly bad person. Misguided, sure. A little manipulative, definitely. Melodramatic too. 

None of that changes the fact that at heart he was a good-natured young man, though (from what I could gather) very lost. But he should have had all the time in the world to put that right. 

It goes without saying that EADD won't be the same. My thoughts are with his friends and family.


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## Si Dread

Didn't know Mugs well but have passed a note or two! I know he had stresses but this is still a sad shock.

My thoughts are with his family, friends & everyone who knew him.

 RIP


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## maxalfie

RIP Mugz lad.


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## wibble

Very sad news. RIP mate


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## Albion

No 


I feel sick.

Rest in peace Martin...


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## amnesiaseizure

Oh Christ. So shocked to be hearing this first thing today. Love to all who knew him and RIP Mugz.


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## Fishface

Tragic - RIP, Mugz 

Thoughts with family and friends


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## jancrow

Awful news.


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## rickolasnice

Just reading some of his posts and it seems he was getting stick in the lounge only a week ago 

RIP Mugz 

Much love to you angel


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## Ceres

jesus christ I can't believe this, I don't know what else to say.


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## Mel22

Fuck 

A character indeed. Such horrible news.

RIP MUGZ


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## lurching

badandwicked said:


> I had a weird premonition a few months ago his would be the next name we saw with RIP next to it.



Same here, I dreamed of reading about this two nights ago. Very strange cos I'm only a lurker really.  :/

RIP.


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## Bella Figura

Sad news 

RIP


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## acieed_ed

tragic news.
my heart go's out to his family and friends.
RIP mugz


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## Urbain

I think it's time for Spade to come back and pay his respects.

Woke up, still feeling knocked sideways by this news.


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## masaz

RIP. 

Dunno what to say, genuinely thrown sideways by this, been worrying about him for ages and I wish the last things I said to him hadn't been sort of yelling at him for buying a shitload of drugs :/ 

You'll be missed, man. This place genuinely won't be the same. Love to you, angelsmoke


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## red&black

Totally shit, didn't know him but read a few of his posts, I hope he's found peace.  Thoughts go to his friends and family.
RIP man


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## THCified

R.I.P. Mugz!


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## Part Time Junkie

RIP Mugz glad we got to have a laugh on a few posts. Bluelight - come for the drugs, stay for the people


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## Sepher

Oh shit, no. What a thread to wake up to. Just spent ten minutes reading round thinking this can't be real, but it is, isn't it? Fuck no. 

Oh Martin. R.I.P. man.  

((( AngelSmoke )))


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## Mental Kenny

Sorry to hear that, have to say I did have a deep seated feeling that's how it was going to end up for him, there was a kind of inevitability about it.

Hope his family and friends will do okay. 

R.I.P man


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## Mendo_K

R.I.P Mugz, we sometimes spoke on tiny chat, it just proves you never really know how anyone is feeling even if they seem ok, but I dont think many saw this coming.


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## charlie clean

Oh, man..words fail,.RIP


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## The Liberal Media

Rip Mugz
Feel numb at this news.
Mugz always came across as an articulate and deep thinking soul , especially with his views on physics and science, He was a true searcher and will be sorely missed around here.



He knows he was respected and admired on EADD and thats all that matters.
Hope he has found some peace now, and thoughts and prayers  to all of his loved ones. 
Stay strong angelsmoke

News like this makes you realise just how precious everything is.

"The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature."
Joseph Campbell


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## Darksidesam

Rip Mugz,

you was well known all around this board, and you'll be missed.
hope you found peace afterall mate.


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## PlurPsyed

Omg I'm so sorry. You will be missed :-(


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## knock

I've unapproved a couple of posts and tidied up a couple of others. Please can we keep lounge versus EADD stuff out of this thread. Martin spent time on both sub forums.

It's better if we can just keep to paying our respects in our own respectful ways, I think. Thanks


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## panic in paradise

RIP Mugz


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## Ceres

yeah. ^

 It is still sinking in for me I think, it's a horrible feeling to have someone just disappear like that, especially someone as nice as Martin was


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## brimz

FUK.

Speechless .

RIP Martin .


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## StrutterGear

RIP man.

Hope you are at peace.


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## mydrugbuddy

No way. Cant believe it either. Terribly sad and tragic. I will miss him and his lunatic posts. Respect and RIP Mugz.

Makes you realise what a dangerous road many of us are travelling down, with two very well known characters in Mugz and Xamkou dying in recent weeks, both just in their twenties with their whole lives still ahead of them.


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## tekkeN

Rest easy Mugz


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## bogman

RIP Murt, where everr you are i hope your at peace with yourself xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Si Dread

mydrugbuddy said:


> Makes you realise what a dangerous road many of us are travelling down, with two very well known characters in Mugz and Xamkou dying in recent weeks, both just in their twenties with their whole lives still ahead of them.



I have no idea what drugs may have played a part in this but yeah, drugs is a serious business & the advent of the RC scene has made it even more serious!

We can't fight the powers that be (yet) but we can arm ourselves with the knowledge they refuse us, and hopefully we'll lose less friends in future.

Blessing everyone.

PS I'm not saying anything about The Lounge


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## yoyo50

Shocking..

RIP


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## Treacle

Fucking hell. Absolutely shocked by this. Have spoken to him for a good 7 years, on a regular basis. Had plenty of deep chats, about all sorts.

Horrible.

RIP, Martin.


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## Ham420

angelsmoke said:


> No, indeed. I get where people were coming from. Mugz does disaster, then rights himself. He doesn't die.



I think this is why this is even more shocking than usual to me. 

My thoughts are with you angelsmoke

R.I.P Mugz / Martin. A sad day for Bluelight


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## Vurtual

RIP Mugz

You will be missed.


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## Ceres

mydrugbuddy said:


> No way. Cant believe it either. Terribly sad and tragic. I will miss him and his lunatic posts. Respect and RIP Mugz.
> 
> Makes you realise what a dangerous road many of us are travelling down, with two very well known characters in Mugz and Xamkou dying in recent weeks, both just in their twenties with their whole lives still ahead of them.



qft.


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## angelsmoke

I spoke to his sister this morning. It happened yesterday, and it was his aunt who found him. She went round to check on him as his dad is away. 

His sister *guesses* (as we all do I think) that it was drug related, but no one knows for sure yet.

I infer from this that there was no sign of it being a suicide, and unfortunately I think we will probably never know what went through his head at the end. She said she'll keep me updated, but I don't think she'll ever have the answers I need. I expect we'll probably find out _what_ killed him. But not why. I don't think there is a why. 

She's repeated the request that we all keep this off facebook. She says the family want it kept off there "until they actually have some answers". I don't think those answers will ever come but please can we continue to respect their request.

I will let you guys know if I find out anything new.


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## DS_

FFS will everyone stop dying.

 RIP Mugz.


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## ArCi

Can someone confirm that this is for real??

If so.. RIP Mugz


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## Si Dread

angelsmoke said:


> I will let you guys know if I find out anything new.



I'm really sorry you have to go through all this. Be strong 

I barely new Mugs but EADD is a close community & it's really sad to lose members. Xamkou too, really sad.

I'm firmly convinced there's further plains to live along after we depart this mortal coil, so we should all try to stay positive! 

"When I die, please do not cry
there were no tears when I was here"


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## Pharcyde

sorry for your loss guys


even though we didnt get along r.i.p. mugz


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## Pharcyde

At the end, I didnt like you and you didnt like me but I think you should have a shrine entry alll your own.

RIP mugz


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## JohnnyVodka

I'm not that frequent a poster on here, but I know the name.  RIP.


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## Ismene

Very sad news. Nice guy, didn't expect this. Thought he was making an effort to get things under control.


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## angelsmoke

[edited] Same picture but with me chopped out. I freaked a bit about having my pic on here.

Pilfering my own post from the picture thread:

I don't post pictures of myself on here but I'll make an exception today. Here's a nice picture of me and Martin from 2010






This was after we got off the meph but before we got our house together. 

This is in a pub in Cambridge. We'd just had lunch with my brother (who took the pic) and his family. Martin looks so happy. He had such a gorgeous smile. I'm really glad we had a few years of smiles together. 

Even though I was the more 'together' one of the two of us, I'll never forget how safe Martin made me feel. I've never met anyone before or since who made me feel like that. It's like my inner demons were not scary any more because we shouldered our burdens together.


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## tribal girl

Holy crap, I never expected to log in to see this. So tragic. 

My heart goes out to all who knew him.


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## parttime crackhead

8)

Am I the only cunt who wasn't surprised when I was told this earlier? 

Anyway, fuck it. RIP Mugz, you were a good guy just a bit of a dafty.


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## pally pete

I didn't know him well but I used to see his posts from time to time in BDD, he was always someone who I associate with my early days on Bluelight.

It is sad news, but even if it is drug related or not, it has made me re-evaluate using again after nearly 3 months clean and where I'm at the point of falling off the wagon.


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## Mailmonkey

parttime crackhead said:


> 8)
> 
> Am I the only cunt who wasn't surprised when I was told this earlier?



No


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## cj

Wtf no way!!! Awful news........ damn i dont even know what to say always read your posts dude. Rip.


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## Ceres

angelsmoke said:


>



 Martin.


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## pharmakos

wow

RIP mugz


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## ponch

parttime crackhead said:


> 8)
> 
> Am I the only cunt who wasn't surprised when I was told this earlier?
> 
> Anyway, fuck it. RIP Mugz, you were a good guy just a bit of a dafty.



No mate definitely not just you. When Mugz used to get on it he really went at it. I think it is a bit of a surprise as he seemed to be very gradually be climbing out of a hole (or at least that's what we were lead to believe on here). All the same it's a really sad chain of events. 

I don't think I've posted in a RIP thread before.

RIP Mugz/Martin.


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## Mailmonkey

It sounds fucking stupid, but, I think it's how he would have wanted to go...


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## knock

Mailmonkey said:


> It sounds fucking stupid, but, I think it's how he would have wanted to go...



What, through a drugs overdose?

Being perfectly honest, it's exactly how I would wish to go. But for the moment, I don't want to go.


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## Toucan

Rip


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## swampdragon

Shit 

RIP Mugz.. what a fucking awful loss.


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## swedger77

Sadden by this news but unfortunately not overly surprised. Mugz went "balls out" when he went on one from what i ve read.

Tragic that he was so prolific on a harm reduction site and yet has passed away like this. Whatever anyone says he was a decent soul.

 to Family and Angelsmoke.


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## modelskinny

Wow, unbelievable.

Rest in peace, Mugzy.


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## pharmakos

Mugz said:


> *Depressed* Kind of self inflicted, but other things have made it worse, feel like I am in a dark tunnel, there was light at the end of it but then someone removed my eyes.



^^ his last post



			
				Mugz said:
			
		

> On a suicidal comedown at the moment due to binging on 3mmc from Thursday till this morning at 7am, then passed out till 10pm, hoping this ah7921 will help.
> 
> My dads on his way to the phillipines for a week now on a business trip, so it will be nice to be on my own, I'm not gonna be naughty this week, although am tempted to have a week long binge. Will feel a lot better if I use the time to get my room all tidy again, and cook for myself everynight(I'll have to do that) and go to lots of groups at the DARP centre, apparently I'll get into rehab faster the more groups I go to. Gonna try out acupuncture on Monday



^^ his second to last post

Mugz lived with his dad... the fact that his dad had just left town on vacation leads me to believe that Mugz _accidentally_ overdosed.... having the flat to himself would've been a prime time to take a huge dose of whatever he was taking...

no use overanalyzing it though, i suppose.  whats done is done.  RIP mugz.


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## amnesiaseizure

knock said:


> What, through a drugs overdose?
> 
> Being perfectly honest, it's exactly how I would wish to go. But for the moment, I don't want to go.



Come off it, a drugs overdose is NOT the best way to go. Many a time it would probably consist of pain, fear and panic. Lets not glamourise it people, I'd hate to see others latching on to the idea that it wouldn't be too bad. If Martin did die this way, I feel for him. I feel for him whatever way he went in the circumstances. I can't imagine he was feeling his best poor fella. 

That's a lovely photo Angel, he does look very happy there, you both do. To better days, hey?


----------



## Ceres

ah7291 hm


----------



## The Liberal Media

Ceres said:


> ah7291 hm



Whatever happened to the good old days when people woud just do E's Shrooms and Acid.

Dammit kids, new RC's are not newer/better buzzes, stick to the tried and tested old school stuff


----------



## swampdragon

Ceres said:


> ah7291 hm


Yeah.. I winced a lot and hoped for the best when I saw him mention that. Gah.


----------



## knock

I find the speculation on his manner of death a little unappealing, and I'm embarrassed I got involved in it myself.

Mugz used every drug under the sun. Opiates, benzos, stims, psyches.

I'm not sure if there is any point in trying to blame a drug.


----------



## Ceres

not blaming a drug just wondering what actually happened


----------



## Mailmonkey

knock said:


> Mugz used every drug under the sun. Opiates, benzos, stims, psyches.
> 
> I'm not sure if there is any point in trying to blame a drug.



He also ate wardrobe pizza, a Captain's Table pizza from the wardrobe would be riddled with nasties.

(and I'm confident martin wouldn't mind me saying this here)


----------



## Part Time Junkie

amnesiaseizure said:


> Come off it, a drugs overdose is NOT the best way to go. Many a time it would probably consist of pain, fear and panic. Lets not glamourise it people, I'd hate to see others latching on to the idea that it wouldn't be too bad. If Martin did die this way, I feel for him. I feel for him whatever way he went in the circumstances. I can't imagine he was feeling his best poor fella.
> 
> That's a lovely photo Angel, he does look very happy there, you both do. To better days, hey?



When I OD'd (admittedly on GBL so might have been a completely difference experience) I was in a very good place (mentally) no pain or anything but a bit nauseas. Luckily my mate took me to the hospital so I came out OK although a bit shaken (managed to discharge myself).

If I had passed away (god-forbid) I think it would have been very peaceful. I really really hope it was as peaceful for Mugz


----------



## pharmakos

knock said:


> I find the speculation on his manner of death a little unappealing



at least for me it is less morbid curiosity and more hoping his story can be a warning to others :/


----------



## Fishface

parttime crackhead said:


> 8)Am I the only cunt who wasn't surprised when I was told this earlier?


No . . .

. . . bless 'im


----------



## tragiclemming

A real character and a tragic loss. Love and respect to Mugabe /  Mugz


----------



## DSP-2230

trying to get me naked..


----------



## MsNystazein

RIP mugz, sad and shocking news


----------



## koneko

*Going to Sleep*

Falling asleep at last
I vow with all beings
To enjoy the dark and the silence
And rest in the vast unknown.

RIP  Martin


----------



## stardust.hero

Mugz  I have so much more to say but I don't have it in me yet. I love you buddy  I hope you have found peace in this hectic world.


----------



## fairnymph

I was just talking to him via PM, waiting for him to get his time of birth from his mum so I could do his chart. I barely knew him but I'd be very surprised if it was suicide.

This doesn't feel real. 

I believe we all go to a good place when we die & I hope he is happier & more at peace there, based on what others have said. My sympathies to those who were close to him.


----------



## D's

music list i've made for my buddy MUGz. RIP Bro, say hey to my boys mellange and our boy tally.fucked up way life is sometimes, heres a quote i live by everyday.people like you and i that go thru lifes DAILY struggle to feel fucking better then normal because normal is fucking pain and abitch to go thru at times so u take a pill take a puff, take more.given the chance you get sum shit u know ZERO about from a friend u met at 'the arcade' so you go on and get involved into a REASEARCH chemical. that shit has biohazzard and warning lables not to fool the fda,but for our ass's too u know, ikno man ive been there done that..
i did the same shit when them 'bathsalts' were around and did some dipderdabbin n got into it for a while. the shits serious. if u have no idea what your doing and dont have the proper scales and equapment/baggies to fuck with the shit then please leave it up to someone thats atleast read the 24 pages? from a site that talks about how to handle it. its not weed, or blow, its a RC,treat it like the lable..
dont mean to go off man, if its true and your gone then RIP bro, i'll be behind you sometime, hoping i make it to atleast 27. working up my tollerence ya kno? love u bro
(nohomo)Dsnuts bitch!
*music list for mugz*
*Rick Ross:100 Black Coffins*
*Rick Ross*- I'm Not A Star (Chopped & Screwed) 
*Dirty* - If I Die Tonight 
*Tupac* - Thugz Mansion 
*2Pac* - Hail Mary 
this will be me here before to long,ifeel it at the rate i chew xanax Ace Hood - Bugatti (Explicit) ft. Future, Rick Ross , 
Mugz, man love u bro, RIP.


----------



## knock

thenightwatch said:


> at least for me it is less morbid curiosity and more hoping his story can be a warning to others :/



Yeah, not getting at you at all, or anyone else for that matter. Just feels a bit weird, and it's the sort of thing you get from a coroners report, and sometimes they don't tell you anything worth knowing at all.


----------



## badandwicked

I wonder if he got bad news about his mums health, and that made him want to block stuff out even more and he took it a step too far. I hope not. I wanted him to go see her cos I was worried if he didn't it would get too late, but I was thinking too late for his mum, not him.

They sound like they're in a pickle over in the States, I'm sure his dad will pay for both their flights back. His poor sister has a lot on her plate. Its good Angels in touch with the family, that says a lot.


----------



## Nicklazz

Very sad news!

RIP Mugz.


----------



## s0laris

RIP Mugz


----------



## Pagey

The Liberal Media said:


> Its all good, just a bit edgy today, what with Mugz going and a very close family friend being moved to a hospice today with terminal cancer meaning they  cant/wont even  put him down for chemo.
> Basically its a hospice for pain management and where he will die, barring a miracle
> So basically I have to watch him die over the next few months
> 
> Rough day all around, didnt mean to take it out on you.



Hey TLM - I of course don't mean to hijack the thread at all but I just wanted to mention that I've been going through something very similar recently as my dad is currently in the hospital with stomach cancer, and the amount of time he's got left is very uncertain. His situation deteriorated drastically a few days ago, and that coupled with Mugz' death...these past few days haven't been great.
Anyway my point was just that if you'd like to speak to someone who understands what you're going through right now, please feel free to PM me. 

Mugz/Martin's passing hasn't hit me at all yet...I still fully expect him to log on to skype any second and start telling me about his next idea for his screenplay, or about how American Psycho is indeed a work of genius and not creepy at all, hah. I had lots of fun speaking to you Martin, I hope you were aware of that. We didn't know each other very long but I considered you a friend. Well, I consider you a friend. That's never gonna change.


----------



## backroll

cheerio martin, sorry for the late response, only just found out. I feel like shit now you fucker!

This probably isn't the place to be talking about how it happened, also chatting shit about expecting it to happen and potential aliases aint fucking classy.

Mugz had more guts than a lot of people on here, fortunately the nature of addiction is a mystery to some of you as well, but whatever you thought of him and whatever you think now, he did not deserve to die so young and under such tragic circumstances.

Well done Ponti for being a man and fuck all you lot who mercilessly bullied him.


----------



## Cloudy

I got a text last night at 11:30pm telling me this and I was shocked.  Terrible news.  RIP bud


----------



## BecomingJulie

Shit.

Not much else to say, really. Only just spotted this, and it still hasn't quite sunk in yet.

BL still feels like an old-fashioned community where if any one of us is cut, we all bleed. Ask not for whom the bell tolls .....


----------



## Ceres

backroll said:


> he did not deserve to die so young and under such tragic circumstances.



this.

It still doesn't seem quite real to me either. He had so many friends here.


----------



## effie

Oh my god. I've not been able to get online for quite some time but just logged in to here and facebook and had a load of messages, including several from Mugz last week. I can't believe it. I've talked him down from suicide and talked to him when he thought he was overdosing so many times. It's so weird, even though I have direct experience of death with Dave I still didn't believe he could ever actually die, cos that doesn't happen, right? But of course it does. Martin, you were a true friend to me and I'm so sorry I couldn't help you this time. I hope you are at peace now but you've left a massive fucking hole in me and on here and so many other people. Go and find Dave yeah?

I don't know what to say. I miss you mate. I'm so sorry.


----------



## rickolasnice

I literally cry every time i read this thread


----------



## ColtDan

Did he definitely commit suicide or was it an accident?


----------



## effie

There's a thread in EADD as that was his home forum.. we'll move it to the shrine and merge it with this at a later date.

Fucking.. RIP mate. I hoped I'd never have to say that. You were one of my closest friends from BL. Fucksake. I'm so sorry.


----------



## breakcorefiend

ColtDan said:


> Did he definitely commit suicide or was it an accident?



No-one know and i doubt they will,

Feels fucking odd not seeing his name on the last post of nearly every thread,

RIP mate 

Hope yer finally happy man


----------



## effie

I know when Dave died I couldn't bear any speculation so I imagine it's the same here. And as you say sometimes we never know.

This is surreal. I nearly met up with Martin so many times. I can't believe it. 

Angelsmoke I hope you're doing as well as you can, I'll PM you 

Martin


----------



## breakcorefiend

Yeah speculation isn't helping anyone let alone his poor family if they were to ever come on here to see what Martin had been doing.

Mugz journey has come to an end abruptly, but  if it was an OD then we can all take a bit of peace in the fact he died getting high doing things he enjoyed.

I'm sad i never got a chance to meet up with him, we had arranged to meet at one point but money was a factor n we both had work.


----------



## n3ophy7e

I've been trying to process this terribly sad news all afternoon since I found out. I just....I really don't know what to say 
Like many others here, I am heartbroken.  

RIP Martin


----------



## breakcorefiend

It's going to take a long time to adjust to the loss on this board, it ill be so much quieter without him

I hope his Mum Dad and Sis are ok, 
And  to Angelsmoke for having to deal with this n be the bearer of terrible news. hope you are holding up


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

Another one lost. 

I remember saying up late talking to him way into the small hours and often the next day/afternoon about everything and anything, god that was years ago, but it seems so recent. He talked some sense into me a few times, quite a few times, listened to my tears when he phoned me if he thought i'd seemed a bit down, and I'd like to think I was there for him too. He really was a special character. 

The first time I met him, I remember his really really big smile, which got bigger the more pints we all drank. 

He did something really nice for me a couple of weeks back when I had no money for food, he bought me a takeaway from justeat.co.uk, and had it delivered to my address. I remember him telling me to pick carefully as if I was clever I could get things that would last and I'd get a meal for the next day out of it too. 

When am I going to stop finding out BL'ers I'm close to have died 

My heart goes out to all those close to him


----------



## brimz

RIP Matey .

I'll always remember that night in Keynsham .  Proper good laugh you were on top form


----------



## specialspack

Oh no fucking way.... RIP mugz


----------



## mydrugbuddy

The fact that there is 173 posts and growing in this thread says it all really. Its only just starting to sink in for me now, couldnt really accept it yesterday.


----------



## breakcorefiend

mydrugbuddy said:


> The fact that there is 173 posts and growing in this thread says it all really. Its only just starting to sink in for me now, couldnt really accept it yesterday.



The really sad thing is i doubt Martin had a clue how popular n well liked he is/was

I hope he can see this thread and Bl in general


----------



## pinkpapaver

this is so sad.  unbelievable.  too sad.  his poor family.


----------



## Si Dread

cherrycolouredfunk said:


> Another one lost.
> 
> I remember saying up late talking to him way into the small hours and often the next day/afternoon about everything and anything, god that was years ago, but it seems so recent. He talked some sense into me a few times, quite a few times, listened to my tears when he phoned me if he thought i'd seemed a bit down, and I'd like to think I was there for him too. He really was a special character.
> 
> He did something really nice for me a couple of weeks back when I had no money for food, *he bought me a takeaway from justeat.co.uk*, and had it delivered to my address. I remember him telling me to pick carefully as if I was clever I could get things that would last and I'd get a meal for the next day out of it too.
> 
> When am I going to stop finding out BL'ers I'm close to have died
> 
> My heart goes out to all those close to him



That's really, really sweet!


----------



## shimazu

man its weird because I remember seeing Mugz on tinychat often and he was just beyond trashed on what im assuming was heroin. Ive seen the look on people more than I'd like to, and im not trying to insinuate anything but I would suspect it was an accidental overdose. 

He seems like the kind of person who would leave a long farewell post if it was a real suicide

either way RIP Mugz

and all you EADD haters just know not everyone in the Lounge is an immature piece of shit and Id like to see any one of you actually be as clever as 80% of the people who post in there


----------



## Shambles

^ Mugz only started dabbling in heroin very recently so whatever you saw him trashed on previously it wasn't that.

I very much doubt he committed suicide though. But not really wanting to speculate too much. Misadventure seems a likely verdict though, I'd say. Tragic in its own way but not suicide.

FWIW, he was in fine spirits and good form last I spoke to him a few days back. Talking about his plans for things he had coming up over the next few months and stuff. Seemed very happy which is why it's kinda odd to read those last coupla posts of his


----------



## shimazu

Thats even more proving my point Shambles

low tolerance

although I forgot you guys get medicore dope over there


----------



## Shambles

We get good, bad and mediocre gear here. Same as everywhere. Either way, I don't think it will turn out to be that. But there's little point speculating really.


----------



## masaz

Right.

Anyways I keep expecting a big 'JK', not a comment on anyone here, or Mugz, but it just feels like that's what should happen, you know?


----------



## Bearlove

shimazu said:


> and all you EADD haters just know not everyone in the Lounge is an immature piece of shit and Id like to see any one of you actually be as clever as 80% of the people who post in there





shimazu said:


> Thats even more proving my point Shambles
> 
> low tolerance
> 
> although I forgot you guys get medicore dope over there



Surely this is case and point ?  On one hand your saying your not an immature piece of shit - the very next breath you have a pop about about tolerance, and medicore dope.  

This thread is not the place - this thread will be merged into Mugz shrine thread, do you want post like yours in there?


----------



## Shambles

snolly said:


> Right.
> 
> Anyways I keep expecting a big 'JK', not a comment on anyone here, or Mugz, but it just feels like that's what should happen, you know?



Indeed it does, Snolls. In Mugobian


----------



## masaz

Haha yes :D Ah man, I reckon a meet up in his honour is most def in order


----------



## shimazu

The amount of anti-US bigotry on this website is a tad  ridiculous actually

but like I said a while ago

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...ge-changes?p=11371278&viewfull=1#post11371278


----------



## Shambles

^ Unlikely given the fact that most forums are very heavily US-centric. I rather like that post of yours though and agree with much of it. Here is probably not the place to further such discussion though.



snolly said:


> Haha yes :D Ah man, I reckon a meet up in his honour is most def in order



A massive EADD blowout does have a certain perverse appeal that I'm more or less certain Mugzy would approve of. Reality may be harder to grasp though. Combines the twin difficulties of multiple people who've never met before - all of whom will approach such an event differently - with the historical near-impossibility of actually organising such a thing.

Quite like the idea of an annual meet wherein events both good and bad can be remembered actually - a tribute to those no longer here in style they would approve of and a celebration of what we all approve of, as it were - but I tend to muse of such things anyway cos I  EADD and all who ride in her.

In reality I only got to meet Mugz and Angel cos Gltched more or less randomly picked me up and drove me to a hotel room in the middle of nowhere on short notice. Glad he did though


----------



## masaz

Ah I like that annual meet idea  I am very shit at meeting people and generally being sociable but there are a lot of folk on here I'd love to meet and a lot that I sadly will never have the chance to, so sounds like a good plan. 

Nice to think about these things regardless


----------



## Ceres

BL PARTY 2013 would be amazing


----------



## Shambles

My reasoning being that it's far easier to remember and plan for a single date than on a whim which - as is proven time and time again - never works. GlastonBLury. As it were.

But way off topic and not a good thread to be derailing so...


----------



## wcote

A bit of decorum is needed with this thread.

With regards to things like 'EADD haters'.... Time and place.


----------



## masaz

wcote said:


> A bit of decorum is needed with this thread.
> 
> With regards to things like 'EADD haters'.... Time and place.



Fo sho


----------



## cherrycolouredfunk

He was such a caring person. I met him a couple years back when he'd come to Bristol for a job interview, I was feeling very ill at the time but wanted to take the opportunity to meet up with him in person as I'd been chatting to him online for a long time, and he thanked me for making the effort as he understood how ill I must have been feeling (I was only clucking, but it felt like ten colds all joined together at the time) and that it was probably difficult. 

I've got lots of fond memories from that afternoon.


----------



## Bill

Didn't know the guy but seen he had a pretty suave hair style
RIP


----------



## bogman

had a cracking wend last year at Sunflower festival and was planning on him coming over for either Vantastival or Kilbree rising festivals this year.

he made the worst attempt at putting up a tent that i have ever seen, only met the chap 15mins and i was on the ground laughing at him.

the last time i saw him was outside a Belfast pub after we had dinner and 2 drinks, he gave me a big warm hug goodbye. he went towards the airport and me towards my hotel.


----------



## knock

I have unnaproved some posts by shimazu and posts quoting them and requested that shimazu ceases posting them.

Keep this respectful please.

Thanks


----------



## lurching

Mugabe is gone? No way, ugh. His are amongst the most memorable drug-stories I've ever read anywhere, I vividly remember me researching a "novel stimulant" (MDPV or desoxy?) and coming across this totally unreal totally unlikely desoxypipradrol rollercoaster nightmare tale. Definitely made an imprint. I hope his nearest are okay... RIP.


----------



## swampdragon

breakcorefiend said:


> The really sad thing is i doubt Martin had a clue how popular n well liked he is/was
> 
> I hope he can see this thread and Bl in general


Yeah, this. I've had a very sniffly day at work, even though I barely knew him, which I guess is testament to how likeable a guy he was.


----------



## Ceres

I think a lot of people have been deeply affected by this, myself included.


----------



## monstanoodle

Words are useless... Probably the only time emoticons are more useful.

~~ Too young. Much love to everyone who's close to him ~~


----------



## angelsmoke

That's a lovely story ccf!! So typically Martin. He spent a lot of his money on gambling and drugs, but he also sent money to his mum and sister, and did things like buy people takeaways. 

I've been thinking about the last time we spoke. He was banging on about his latest big online infatuation. He was being silly and sweet, and he was really overexcited the way he always gets when he's got a crush. He wanted to declare his lurve, and I reminded him that not all girls react well to mad declarations of love from guys they only know online. I only reacted well to it because I was really infatuated with him, and very sillily overexcited about it 

The time before the last, we had a big fight. So I'm so glad we had a good last conversation and put things right between us. I didn't think we would. I said to him (about the fight) "it did make me wonder why we try to be friends". He said "because we're meant to be". So sweet 

I'm trying to think of my favourite Martin story. There are lots!

I think one of my most meaningful moments with him was at my parents. My mum was really pushing my buttons about something stupid, and I got pissed off and stormed out like a stroppy child. Martin followed me, and talked to me. He played it JUST RIGHT -- he didn't slag off my mum or belittle my pissed-off-ness -- he calmed me down and got me smiling and happy again. It doesn't sound like much but it's really hard to deal with me when I'm like that. And he did. So many times when i was upset or stressed, he'd just say the right things. 

For fun happy memories....
Walking around London covered in egg, really high and completely lost
Going for long walks around where we lived, enjoying just being with each other and making silly observations about the world. 
Trying to do lines of meph off each other because we thought it'd be sexy, then finding it's actually really impractical and tickles

It wasn't all perfect -- we had a lot of problems and as you guys know, we did eventually break up. But when it worked with us it was fucking great. Best times of my life.


----------



## Shambles

angelsmoke said:


> I've been thinking about the last time we spoke. He was banging on about his latest big online infatuation. He was being silly and sweet, and he was really overexcited the way he always gets when he's got a crush. He wanted to declare his lurve, and I reminded him that not all girls react well to mad declarations of love from guys they only know online.



Snap 

Well, there was a bit more he wanted to chat about than just that but am guessing it was mostly the same. He actually asked me for advice on the situation. Me being a chickmagnet and all 8):D


----------



## angelsmoke

effie said:


> I've talked him down from suicide and talked to him when he thought he was overdosing so many times.



I didn't know that. That's horrible 

This is absolutely killing me. I haven't heard anything back from his family but I feel in my heart that we're never going to know if it was suicide or not. The thought that it might have been is going to torment me for ever. 



effie said:


> Go and find Dave yeah?



I thought that too. Dave and all the other fallen people. Big party in the sky.


----------



## tambourine-man

Over the years, I've developed a 'mental list' of people whose chaotic posts worry me.  Of course, I'm being euphemistic describing it that way.  The truth is, it's a list of posters who I'm certain will lose the fight and die as a result of a drug-related incident.  Mugz had been at the head of that list for a very long time.  The list is disappointingly accurate.

Martin, you were an amiable, if misguided character.  I'd berated you so often for your recklessness and your passing does not come as a surprise to me in the slightest.  Someone described it as an inevitability and I am hard-pressed to disagree.  You deserved something better and we wanted nothing but the best for you - specifically, health, recovery, balance and a life outside of this sphere.

What a waste.

RIP


----------



## Si Dread

For anyone who might've ended things with Mugz on a sour note, don't feel bad. When someone dies there's always something you could've done, could've done better, could've done more of. Loss makes it like that & it makes remembering stuff like that painful. After time the negative memories fade & you start remembering good stuff.

He wasn't a grown up guy, he was a big kid, with little guile. He said what he thought. He also suffered from an extraordinary excess of personality & when you're that kinda person you polarise the people around you. Some people love you for it, others, not so fond of ya! So people who maybe had a go at him here, don't sweat it, you can't change the past. Change the future, keep you temper on forums, don't make enemies on BL. We need to stand together. I can't think of a better community within which to foster unity. Everyone of us here is different in a thousand different ways but we share our interests in mind altering substances. We represent one of the most downtrodden groups amongst Western society. We need to stand together, no more petty in-fighting. Let's stand as one!

Please I mean absolutely no offence by the excess of personality comment, it's meant kindly


----------



## knock

Si Ingwe said:


> For anyone who might've ended things with Mugz on a sour note, don't feel bad. When someone dies there's always something you could've done, could've done better, could've done more of. Loss makes it like that & it makes remembering stuff like that painful. After time the negative memories fade & you start remembering good stuff.
> 
> He wasn't a grown up guy, he was a big kid, with little guile. He said what he thought. He also suffered from an extraordinary excess of personality & when you're that kinda person you polarise the people around you. Some people love you for it, others, not so fond of ya! So people who maybe had a go at him here, don't sweat it, you can't change the past. Change the future, keep you temper on forums, don't make enemies on BL. We need to stand together. I can't think of a better community within which to foster unity. Everyone of us here is different in a thousand different ways but we share our interests in mind altering substances. We represent one of the most downtrodden groups amongst Western society. We need to stand together, no more petty in-fighting. Let's stad as one!
> 
> Please I mean absolutely no offence by the excess of personality comment, it's meant kindly



Good words Si.


----------



## chuchu

Jesus i almost screamed reading this. No way man been an eadd lurker for yonks  loved his posts. Farewell.


----------



## Ceres

I'd been talking to him not to long ago and he was saying about how he hoped we could still talk to each other once he had been in rehab/stopped the drugs and that we should still talk, but just wouldn't be able to talk about drugs. 
And that's the point really, drugs aside, there was so much more to Martin as just a nice person. I wish we had been able to have that post-drugs talk. 

I'll miss him a lot.


----------



## Pagey

angelsmoke said:


> Walking around London covered in egg, really high and completely lost
> Trying to do lines of meph off each other because we thought it'd be sexy, then finding it's actually really impractical and tickles



Those two really made me laugh. Just the randomness of walking around covered in _egg._ I didn't get to know him as well as I would've liked to but from what I could tell and all these posts he really did seem like a wonderful person.

This just all feels so sudden. A few days ago he was telling me how he was going to come visit me in London in May and was trying to get me to send him my book and to convince me to play a part in his future film :D
It was really sweet. He was just an overall really sweet guy.


----------



## eLW

Rly sad. I think if there is problem in IRL, stay off the drugs, fuck them, leave for now. They take all motivations away. 

RIP


----------



## Solipsis

RIP mugz !


----------



## sundaygirl

aw what. been a reader on here for a long time, just not a poster. not been over to this side of the interweb in a while but whenever I was Mugs was all over these forums. damn. RIP man.


----------



## headfuck123

bogman said:


> had a cracking wend last year at Sunflower festival and was planning on him coming over for either Vantastival or Kilbree rising festivals this year.
> 
> *he made the worst attempt at putting up a tent that i have ever seen, only met the chap 15mins and i was on the ground laughing at him.*
> 
> the last time i saw him was outside a Belfast pub after we had dinner and 2 drinks, he gave me a big warm hug goodbye. he went towards the airport and me towards my hotel.



ahaha i also remember this, if it wasnt for you i dont think me or mugz would have our tents pitched that night!
Me and mugz were chatting pretty recently about the near death of a friend and he was saying how distraught he would be if anything had of happened then no more than a week later i heard this terrible news


----------



## Sharapovafistpump

Really really sad. RIP Mugz


----------



## herbavore

I never wanted to see this, Mugz, though I feared for it many times. You struggled and struggled and fought _so hard_. I am so full of sorrow that I am speechless. I will come back to this thread later. For now I will go sit with the pain of this and honor your life. I am truly sorry, friend.


----------



## ad lib

RIP Mugz


----------



## Albion

tambourine-man said:


> Martin, you were an amiable, if misguided character.  I'd berated you so often for your recklessness and your passing does not come as a surprise to me in the slightest.  Someone described it as an inevitability and I am hard-pressed to disagree.  You deserved something better and we wanted nothing but the best for you - specifically, health, recovery, balance and a life outside of this sphere.
> 
> What a waste.
> 
> RIP



Tamb has put it better than I ever could...You have a knack for doing that. What Martin needed more than anything was a community of friends outside of bluelight to look after him and support him, besides his own father and a few close relations. He was only just starting to make this transition, which makes the timing of his death particularly unpalatable. But what's done is done. Death rarely comes at a convenient time.


----------



## Riklet

really shit news, i haven't been on here for ages but it's news that brought me back here.  mugz i will never forget your mental stories and general chaotic "how does he get away with it"ness.  it's very sad that this is one you won't get away with... RIP mate.

def got a lovely smile.  will never forget his story about walking through US customs fucked on valium after some drug-gambling bender with thousands of valliums in his pockets and everywhere.... :D


----------



## ocean

RIP Mugzy


----------



## NeighborhoodThreat

Mugz, I still can't believe this man.

You're a Bluelight legend.  Respect and


----------



## herbavore

I am so terribly sorry. Martin did not post often in TDS but when he did he was courageously honest about his pain and the frustrations that stemmed from feeling he could not get out of the cycle. He was always encouraging to others in their own fight and I am so sorry that we could not have been more support to him in these past few weeks. He was young and full of dreams and there is just no way to fathom the fact of his death.

All my sympathy and love go out to his family and to his friends, to all those left with the terrible absence where a beautiful, passionate, funny, vulnerable and courageous young man once stood.


----------



## F.U.B.A.R.

Jeezus, that's just so fucked up! I didn't know the guy at all and never directly replied to one of his posts. But when I first found Bluelight, Mugz's name was all over it - in fact I think the first post I ever read was by him (I was researching mephedrone just before it got banned and found his & Angel's thread about meph addiction). The weird thing is, his posts always reminded me of a younger version of myself (probably because I'm also called Martin), so I felt a certain affinity with him - particularly his love of excess, but also his crazy ideas and lovable immaturity (and I mean no offence by that in any way). Condolences to all his family and friends.

RIP Man!!


----------



## Jackal

R.I.P Mugabe - Mugz - Martin.

Sad news indeed.




tambourine-man said:


> Over the years, I've developed a 'mental list' of people whose chaotic posts worry me.  Of course, I'm being euphemistic describing it that way.  The truth is, it's a list of posters who I'm certain will lose the fight and die as a result of a drug-related incident.  Mugz had been at the head of that list for a very long time.  The list is disappointingly accurate.
> RIP



Sad but true.


----------



## Albion

I feel so awful for Mugz'z dad right now


----------



## badandwicked

It sounds like he had been struggling & suffering alongside Mugz for a long time. i'm not a parent but we've all been a source of worry for our parents (if we've been lucky enough to have parents that give a shit).

At least it sounded like he and his dad were talking about stuff, so if it came as not a huge surprise to us maybe it was the same for his parents. I'm not saying that lessens the grief but maybe they were trying to mentally prepare for something awful years ago.

Dads are awesome but he needed his mum too, its a shame she was so far away.


----------



## matt<3ketamine

Mugz enjoying sunflower fest last year, good times!


----------



## pharmakos

took a couple days for me to actually cry over this, but here i am crying

death sucks.

 mugz, rest in peace man


----------



## coollemon

Very sad reading and got me thinking of friends i have lost. Seems some of us humans have a self destruct button and no matter how hard we try we continue to push it until one day its to late. Rip


----------



## Inso

Wow, unbelievable 

I've been off and on with Bluelight for years and have only recently started actively browsing/posting, but I remember Mugz/Mugabe as a prominent poster here many times, thoughts with his friends and family


----------



## curious_24

I've not been very active on here but I've lurked for a long time.  Mugz always came across as a genuinely lovely bloke and I'm sure he will be sorely missed by everyone that knew him, online and IRL.  I've only just found out about his death, what a horrible fucking shock. 

Rest in peace Mugz.


----------



## monstanoodle

I still can't fully believe it 
See the gibbering thread........


----------



## bogman

matt<3ketamine said:


> Mugz enjoying sunflower fest last year, good times!



them rubber boots he had on were a size 10 and he was only an 8, he lost the toe nail from his big toe that wend.


----------



## Urbain

bogman said:


> them rubber boots he had on were a size 10 and he was only an 8, he lost the toe nail from his big toe that wend.



Tell me about it! I had to First Aid his feet when he arrived back at my flat! Hahaha.


----------



## alasdairm

rip m.

alasdair


----------



## ageingpartyfiend

Just seen this....didn't directly know Martin at all but could easily tell that behind the skittishness and recklessness there was a confused, sensitive young man with a big, big heart.

Just reminds me of the many other losses I've experienced - many gone far too soon. Good people out there please, please take it easy ffs (me too......)

RIP Mugz and all the other dear departed. Big love to his family and friends.


----------



## Urbain

Just rasied a glass to Mart. The last few days have felt a bit sureal. Each time I find myself thinking about it, I dont believe it for a second. 

I feel bad that I didn't answer my phone on the occasions when he called me during the early hours, just wanting to hear a friendly voice. 

Heres to you mate.


----------



## Sprout

R.I.P. brother.


----------



## knock

Yes, a friday night toast to martin. We miss you  

Hope you have found peace


----------



## eLW

knock said:


> Yes, a friday night toast to martin. We miss you
> 
> Hope you have found peace



+++ . I didnt know him. Why has this end in this way? :{


----------



## been head

Terrible news. I never new mugz personally but i did read his posts and could tell his heart was in the right place even though he was in a bit of a mess. 

Such a shame. 

RIP


----------



## amanda_eats_pandas

Mugz


----------



## junglejuice

So sad


----------



## Gaz_hmmmm

I just read and posted in FlippingTops (Aaron) R.I.P. thread and saw this.

Christ 2 EADDer's in one week. Such a waste.

Though I never really spoke to Mugz, he seemed intelligent and I liked his posted. He'll be missed and I don't just mean in RL I mean here too.

Sorry for your loss Angelsmoke, my thoughts go out to you and his family!

R.I.P. Mugz!


----------



## Noodle

safer journey next


----------



## Safrolette

What's going on... haven't been much on Bluelight lately, so sorry to hear this, didn't know Mugz personally and I was worried about him at times but I liked the guy a lot. R.I.P. Martin


----------



## smokemctoke420

i didnt know mugz, except for the pccasional bullshit conversation. from what i gathered he was a good guy.

R.I.P. Mugz, this next shot of crown is for you bruh.


----------



## Acid4Blood

RIP Mugz you lovely person. 

This trip is for you.


----------



## jackie jones

Rest easy, Mugz


----------



## Ghostface

RIP Mugz.

You will be missed in Eadd.


----------



## joe90

Very upsetting news.If this news can be used by anyone out there(thats got the desire) to face there pain and stop numbing themselves use this it can be done. Look for support its there if you are prepared to receive it. You can completely change. I have and I feel how I wanted drugs to make me feel . Im now clean and dont even smoke cigs which would have seemed like a miracle a year ago. Drugs caused me the pain they once relieved. It is possible to let go of drugs and move on. RIP MUGZ Your words jumped off the screen in a way no one else on here could. Your energy will be sorely missed. I wish everyone on here peace.


----------



## ddhats

I didn't know Mugz at all, although I did enjoy reading his posts when he was at his best. Last year a friend of mine died who had a similarly large web presence on a totally unrelated forum. The outpourings of grief and condolences that were subsequently seen by his friends and family proved very beneficial and provided a lot of comfort and support at what was obviously a very difficult time. So to the dozens of people that have expressed their fondness and love on this thread, you should know that it is probably being keenly appreciated by the friends of Mugz that view this site even if they never actually log in to say so.


----------



## swedger77

ddhats said:


> I didn't know Mugz at all, although I did enjoy reading his posts when he was at his best. Last year a friend of mine died who had a similarly large web presence on a totally unrelated forum. The outpourings of grief and condolences that were subsequently seen by his friends and family proved very beneficial and provided a lot of comfort and support at what was obviously a very difficult time. So to the dozens of people that have expressed their fondness and love on this thread, you should know that it is probably being keenly appreciated by the friends of Mugz that view this site even if they never actually log in to say so.



nice one and  nice thought.


----------



## angelsmoke

Thanks for a really nice post ddhats. 

It's certainly making me happy to read how loved Martin was on here. 

I'm sorry but I still don't have any news or more information for any of you yet. When I do know anything I will of course let you know.

Take care of yourselves and of each other


----------



## GodSpeedK

Wow, that's awful. My condolences. He seemed like a very nice guy.


----------



## Pagey

I think it's just starting to hit me. I've had an awful week and I need to talk to Martin right now. But I can't. 
I really hope he's happy wherever he is because such a great person can't have been taken from us if not for some greater plan.


----------



## Miss Peks

I haven't been back here properly for some time, and what sad news this is. Unfortunately though it's not surprising. 

I never got to meet Martin but I remember chatting to him on MSN chat a good 6-8 years ago?? He had a heart of gold and quite the entrepreneur,  just a bit misguided at times. Haha his story about selling glowsticks outside of platesmasher cracked me up...

Condolences to all close friends and family.


----------



## Glowing aaron

Rest peacefully Mugz


----------



## minddetergent.

didn't know him but enjoyed his posts... r.i.p mugz.


----------



## lonewolf13

NO. is this for real?


----------



## nomy

Logged onto BL for the first time in an age, and discover this sad news.

 to his family, and all who knew him.

Have a peaceful voyage Mugz...


----------



## angelsmoke

I miss you Marty.

I miss talking to you about my day
I miss listening to your adventures
I miss your great TV recommendations
I miss how optimistic you always were even when things were bad
I miss your amazing squeezy hugs
I miss having a friend I could tell anything to and know they'd never judge and always support me NO MATTER WHAT
I miss your weird Pompey slag. I miss you calling me a dinlo
A Japanese customer said to me today "have you founded the bug yet?" and it made me sad because you'd say "founded" instead of "found" sometimes 
^^ I miss you because no one would think that was funny except for you
I miss you because you always made me feel safe
I miss your ridiculous business ideas. If you were still alive I would buy you lots of bike chains and spray paint so you could find out for real if there was a fortune in colourful bike chains
I miss you because you always forgave me, and you always thought I was a good person even when I did horrible things.

RIP my darling.


----------



## brutus

Rip


----------



## Tripman

Mugz I am so sorry I have been so busy and couldn't answer your Skype calls when you needed me over the last couple of months. Shit. I had him on Skype not that long ago. 

Too weird to live and too rare to die. 

Fuck I hate this.


----------



## pinkpapaver

Mugz, help us all you were definitely one of the good people.  Love to all his family.  It's so sad that he will never post here again.  eadd's messiah.  rest in peace mate.


----------



## adam west

this has just really shocked me so much i dont really know what to say. i was chatting to him just a few weeks ago and he was saying how he was interested in a girl who posts here. he definitly didnt deserve to be taken from the world so soon, as from what i could tell he was one of the good guys who wouldnt hurt anyone. i always looked forward to his posts and he was a really genuine, nice person. i just dont know what else to add right now, thoughts are with his loved ones and everyone here. rip martin mate.

limp bizkit behind blue eyes


----------



## The Liberal Media

I still miss this cunt

He was oldschool with his retarded love for  Mcguver


----------



## Cornishman

Rest in peace Mugz


----------



## laugh

fuck!
enjoyed the pms and the laughs. you will be missed friend 
rip martin


----------



## laugh

rest in peace martin 

still cannot believe it


----------



## Captain.Heroin

I remember the day I read about this.  I was already devastated, and then this... I didn't know what to think.  

I didn't think it was real.  

It's so hard to accept.  

RIP Mugz


----------



## His Name Is Frank

I hate to hear this. Rest in peace, Mugz. You will definitely be missed, my friend.


----------



## CbRoXiDe

Wow.. Can't believe this, not had any contact with martin in a while, and only recently, pretty much last month got his number and was chatting to him again. Wondered why he hadn't got back to me.. just woah , pretty devastating news. 

Always remember you mate


----------



## Tryptamite

Rip dude. Hopefully your gone to a better place. Sorry for your loss angelsmoke. What you wrote was beautiful and sad.


----------



## Jktm

Jesus Christ, I just heard about this. RIP man...you helped me in ways no one would understand...


----------



## lonewolf13

fuckin/ dammit Muggzy.. you were just telling me what you went through... i hope ur at peace brother.


----------



## watsons torment

what terrible news

RIP Mugz


----------



## lonewolf13

still can'[t believe its true.


----------



## xTalK

Is there anything more on this? Would like to pay some form of tribute via text or social network to Martin but just after Angelsmoke's first post. 

Still can't believe it mate.  Haven't been on BL too much because of all this, sad especially with FT too.


----------



## angelsmoke

His family would still like it to be kept off facebook. I'd like to fill his wall with s and love and nice things, but his family are obviously going through hell so we should respect their wishes.

xTalK -- I've tried to PM you a couple of times but your inbox is full.


----------



## kappadaftie

Just heard about this from sam

Awful news 

RIP Mugz.


----------



## Valkyrie

Only just seen this. Awful 

RIP Mugz


----------



## Infinite Jest

Likewise, only just saw this. In shock. RIP man 

 to Angelsmoke and his family and friends.


----------



## mydrugbuddy

All 4 known deaths in 2013: xamkou, wherewolf, mugz, fipping top were people i had spoken to by PM and had several conversations with in various threads.  In quite a real sense i felt as if i knew them. 

I think I got to know Mugz the best and could imagine what he was going through. (An even more out of control and chaotic version of myself at that time) Not a day has gone by when i haven't thought of him. And when i do tears are still my eyes.

May you come back as a wild and free Siberian Tiger or something appropriately beautiful and awesome. You'd be sure of the respect you deserve next time round.


----------



## purple_cloud

I haven't logged in in almost 2 years, but Mugzs sister had contacted me before even BL knew, and I realized I had to log in to show my respects. We spent a lot of time on Skype and always wanted to meet, I had been letting my real life interfere, and the last fb msg he sent me said "I'll always be here to listen" 

Rest in peace Martin, ill certainly never forget you, and I've yet to send a sympathy card because I cry when I try to write it. I can't believe you're gone. I hope you are finally free from everything you had going on in your head and are truly in a better place, and you've certainly left footprints in the hearts of many across the world. You will be greatly missed


----------



## angelsmoke

Hi folks,

If you'd like to pay your respects on facebook please do. 

Martin's funeral was last Wednesday. It was the worst day of my life - saying goodbye to him was harder than anything I've ever done. Worse than my sister's funeral even.

His family kept saying to me "thank you for making Martin so happy" but all I could say was "it wasn't enough". It breaks my heart that I didn't do enough to keep him here. If I was sure of life after death, I'd kill myself to be with him again. There's no one in this world who I love as much as I loved Martin. 

As it is, I'll try to honour him by living on and making something more of my life than I have done so far. 

 rest in peace my friend


----------



## Mugzwasmylife

Who the hell are you to say something like that anglesmoke is trying to grieve the loss of her true love... Wether Martin made bad decisions or not that she knew a side to him that filled her heart with love, joy and happiness. So let her grieve as she wants and if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything!!!!!!!!


----------



## Pagey

I was just thinking about Martin today.
I miss talking to him. I still expect him to be there ready to laugh with whenever I log on to skype. He was one of the most genuinely decent people I'd ever had the chance to meet, even if only online. He wanted to come to London around this time so that we could see each other in person. Wish that could've happened.
Of all people...
I need to stop going through all these Shrine threads. Sometimes this website is just too much. 
Martin I'm gonna get published be it just to honour our conversations fantasising about actually being any good at writing.


----------



## angelsmoke

Mugzwasmylife said:


> love, joy and happiness



This, definitely. Martin made me so happy, when we were together and when we weren't.

When I moved house last October I was getting really freaked out and upset by having a house full of boxes and nowhere to relax. Martin had been there for me via text messages all evening, being really supportive and lovely. I really needed to get out of these, so he invited me over. I think we'd both planned for an evening together, but packed took me so long it was midnight before I got there. I only stayed for an hour -- we watched some episodes of CSI on netflix, and chatted. He comforted me when I got sad and gave me more of those famously amazing Mugz hugs. It wasn't a big thing, but i really needed someone that night and he was there for me 100%. He was going through a bad time at the time and he didn't even want to talk about it, just wanted to be there for me.

So many times since we broke up he has said "I'll always be here for you 24/7, no matter what". And he always was. He gave an incredible amount. I could do with some of those hugs right now, and more importantly would like to give him a million hugs and tell him (again -- I did tell him this when he was alive, lots, even when we weren't together) that he's my most favouritest person in the world.

Miss you


----------



## badandwicked

angelsmoke said:


> Martin's funeral was last Wednesday. It was the worst day of my life - saying goodbye to him was harder than anything I've ever done. Worse than my sister's funeral even.
> 
> His family kept saying to me "thank you for making Martin so happy" but all I could say was "it wasn't enough". It breaks my heart that I didn't do enough to keep him here.



I hope you feel a bit less shocked & winded by now Angel. Its so cool that his family said those lovely things to you, listen to them and accept their gratitude, for it is deserved.

Have no regrets. It was evident how much he loved you and thought the world of you. He would have told us if you were an arse  but he always said how great you were, and totally understood why you couldn't be together, and felt bad for putting you in various situations. You did what you had to do, and had to love Mugz in the only way you could at the time. He didn't give you much choice at times, I imagine. 


RIP Mugz, I miss you here and am saddened every time I see one of your posts.


----------



## Arnold

RIP Martin,

You knew I tried to help you during four years but you knew best unfortunately.


----------



## rickolasnice

Mugz was my number 1 "bluelighter you want to meet"..

I wish I got to know him better.

Much love to you angelsmoke


----------



## Mugzwasmylife

I can't put into words how much I love and miss you Marts.. My world has been turned upside down, I still don't believe it sometimes, especially on the weekends I wait till Sunday and think oh ill phone marts but then realise I can't.. I sit in the garden every night and there is a star in the same place every night and I talk to it thinking its you (sounds stupid I know) but it makes me feel a bit closer to you, and then I fall asleep and wake up a few hours later freezing.. You were the best big brother anyone could ask for.. I came to see you at the chapel of rest with mum Stacey and angelsmoke.. I'm so happy I got to hold your hand and kiss your head haha you couldn't pull away this time... There is a huge part of me that's died too and to be honest i wish it was me rather then you. I know you are in a happier place now. And although i lost my brother I gained an angel..
I promise you I will look after mum and dad. I'm going to save some money and go traveling for you as I know you didn't get the chance.. So you can come with me in my heart and as my angel.. 
Love you and miss you so much my darling brother.. 
Your baby sis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mugzwasmylife

Just so you all know Martin's autopsy was inconclusive so there doing an inquest into his death. I will let you know when I find out myself, can take up to a year. So please stop with the accusations and trying to place blame when you don't know what really happened. 
Regards
Mugz sister


----------



## Bob Loblaw

RIP Mugabe...


----------



## The Liberal Media

Was thinking about you today , still miss you mate


----------



## knock

Yeah this hit me again the other night, it was not all a bad dream. Mugz and FT.


----------



## angelsmoke

Here are some things that have reminded me of you in the last week. I was so lucky to have you in my life. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

*Frog*. At our old house, there was a big frog in the garden sometimes. After he'd appeared a few times, I said "do you think we should name him?". You said "his name is Herbert". So the little frog in my garden is now called Herbert Jr.
*Hollyoaks*. I remember you moaning about how Mercedes has a long neck. "Like a giraffe".
*11.11*. 11.11 was your favourite time! Sometimes you'd just text me at 11.11 with nothing else to say but "1111".
*Plate*. We bought two plates. When we split, you took one. I couldn't even look at it for months afterwards. Now... I use it and I think of you, and hope that wherever you are you're happy.
*"Guess what?"*. It used to infuriate me when you said "guess what?" without any context. So I used to guess the most ridiculous things until you got sick of it and finally told me what I was meant to be guessing.
*Fan*. Our first summer together it was SO HOT in my little flat you kept saying we should buy a fan. I just didn't want to get in my hot hot car and drive anywhere, so kept being a dinlo and saying fans are STUPID and just circulate the hot air. Finally you convinced me and we got one. 5 seconds after I turned it on I was like "ahhhhhh Marty, you were right!!!". You always mocked me whenever I enjoyed the cool fan breeze. "Is it just circulating the hot air?!!". 
*Tree*. I looked up the big tree in my garden and found out it's a field maple. Apparently they make good bonsai trees. I wish you were here because I could give you a seedling and you could bonsai it. You tried to make a bonsai tree from a sycamore when we lived together, but it didn't work. 
*Plant*. I still have the houseplant we bought together. It's practically a little tree now. I'll always look after it because it reminds me of you. I had another houseplant that my mum got me, but it died when you did. It was weird... it had been fine, but the day after I found out you had died it was all wilted, and it died too.
*Film*. Into The Wild was your favourite film. I always had mixed feelings about it. When we first got together, I said to you "if you run, I'll run with you". But later I said that I thought Chris McCandless was selfish and thoughtless for doing what he did. Now you're like him, dead too young. I'm so sorry that you had to make the journey on your own. I also know that although you liked the idea of being a leather tramp, you'd never ever have wanted to put your loved ones through what they're suffering now.  
*Cardboard*. You used to torment me by putting the cardboard in the wrong recycling bin. Everything else went in the blue bin, and cardboard in the green bin. You used to wind me up at the most random times -- like I'd be hassling you to do the washing up, and you'd be like "dose the washing up go in the BLUE BIN??".
*Henry*. I still owe you 25% of the price of my hoover. 
*Sleep*. Sometimes when I'm on the edge of sleep, you're so close I can almost feel you. You're RIGHT THERE but when I reach out for you I snap awake and I remember that you're not here anymore. 
*Webcam*. Turns out webcams CAN be hacked. Maybe you weren't being paranoid.
*Buffy*. I've been watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer since you told me it's available on Lovefilm instant. It's good, not seen it in years. Thanks for the tip, and also for the tips about *Breaking Bad*, *Dollhouse* and *Andromeda*. 
*Nice to see you*. If I said that to you you'd reply "to see you nice". Silly 
*Lamb*. I think our best and most content times together were when you first got your job at the hospital. It was originally a part time contract, so you weren't under as much stress as when you worked full time. It was important to me that you "contributed" financially - had I known how much less happy you'd be working full time and how much it'd eventually cost us, I would never have wanted you to work full time. The "contribution" you made when you were working part time to my life: you'd get home from work in the early afternoon. You'd have time to relax and be by yourself, then you'd go to the local butchers and grovers. Practically every night I'd come home to home cooked food fresh from these local places. You made the most delicious and incredible dinners. My favourite were your fresh spicy burgers. I'd go on to anyone who'd listen about how great you were at cooking. It was just a mirror of our life really: I can cook well if I have a recipe to follow, whereas you much preferred being creative and just making stuff up, and the results were phenominally tasty. You always danced to your own tune. 
*Indeed*. Indeed!!!!


----------



## Mugzwasmylife

Angelsmoke I love how you can remember the good times, whilst reading it made me cry with happiness because you both shared some amazing times together and because I miss him too.. I wish I could write like that but I end up all upset. People think I should have done my grieving now but ill never get over it... I'm actually sat watching home alone, we used to watch it together when we were little and come up with plans in case someone burgled our houses!! Anyway I thought your post was beautiful, I'm sure he's looking down on you, keeping you safe, bragging about you and how proud he is of you. 11.11 was also mum and martins number and since he has passed away mum always wakes up at 11.11... Maybe one day ill be able to write my good memory's but for now it's still to raw but I love to hear everyone else's. thinking of you a lot angelsmoke I'm always hear if you want to talk.. 
Marty's sister
Sesal (Sarah)
xxxx


----------



## Mugzwasmylife

Quote from angelsmoke 

*Cardboard*. You used to torment me by putting the cardboard in the wrong recycling bin. Everything else went in the blue bin, and cardboard in the green bin. You used to wind me up at the most random times -- like I'd be hassling you to do the washing up, and you'd be like "dose the washing up go in the BLUE BIN??".

This made me laugh he always said that he couldn't do the washing up as he was allergic to the dish soap!!! I've now taken on that excuse but I actually am, it makes my hands blister and dry!!! 

P.s I have no idea how to do the linked posts but I hope you see it  x


----------



## angelsmoke

Haha - he always used to say to me he was allergic too! He was just a lazy boy though!!

Course you're not done grieving. Believe me I understand. What are you supposed to say when someone asks "do you have any brothers or sisters?" or says to your mum "do you have any children?". How are you supposed to answer that without breaking down? I understand and it breaks my heart and always will.

I wuvoo and I wuv him, and I always always will.


----------



## angelsmoke

Weird how moods changed. When I posted that long post I was feeling positive and happy about the time we spent together. But all of a sudden today I've just started crying again. It's so unfair -- he was so gentle and kind. I just literally can't believe it even now. Part of me still seems to think I can go "I'm sick of this now, let's get back together". Rest in peace Marty -- there's a massive hole in my life where you used to be.


----------



## SideOrderOfOpiates

Rest In Paradise, Mugz
There was something very endearing and wonderful about you—even just online you had a presence that radiated both pain and warmth. You and that lovely batch of chest hair of yours will not be forgotten!


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## effie

I really fucking miss you right now. I'm sorry we never met up. Seems unbelievable really.


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## TheSpade

You were full of big ideas Mugz and I wish you had hung around to see some of them out. 

Gutted.


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## Mugzwasmylife

I love be miss you so much. Thank you for being the best big brother EVER!!! 
Also thank you for hiding my drinks and stuff around the house and for the hugs.. And for 
making your song come on the radio every time. 
Your always be with me!!! And I know your okay and happy now.. But if be a lot happier
if you were here.. In my heart always and forever


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## bogman

well mate, I met up with the lads from Sunflowerfest last wend and we had a toast of cider in your memory. you would have loved it, drink, drugs and making fools of ourselves.


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## maxalfie

You are still missed Mugz,I used to like reading your posts about all the little and big projects you had planned. Such as making your own language up, writing screenplays etc. 
You always had something on the go and I envied your enthusiasm for things. Wish we had met while you still lived near me.


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## Dread calm

Fucking Hell!!!!!!
I've been off here for about 10 months getting clean and it had struck me a few times that I hadn't heard from Martin much since he'd moved back to Portsmouth but I shrugged it off with the hope we was doing ok. I certainly didn't expect to come back on and see this, unbelievable I'm actually speechless. 
R.I.P Mart, you were a class act nice guy, a troubled soul but we're only human. Will miss you man, much love to all his family xx


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## angelsmoke

The reporter was kicked out of his inquest, but:

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/lo...b-worker-who-died-after-taking-drug-1-5802901

I don't have a lot more info, as I couldn't face going to the inquest.

The thing is (and this is solid) he  didn't overdose. He died from taking _ some stims_


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## knock

Thanks for letting us know angelsmoke. Must be horrible for you talking about it 

I think a lot of stim users assume their drugs of choice are intrinsically "safe" compared to the downers and downer combos which frequently get blamed in such cases.


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## kace

Oh my god, shit shit shit fuck  I just searched for something and found this thread. I'm in total fucking shock and so sad. I was wondering what happened to him but just thought he had a new account or was taking a break from Bluelight. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm sorry, he was a brilliant and funny guy and the world won't be the same without him and his banter. This is a tragedy. My thoughts and prayers go out to all that know him, his family and friends. Rest in peace to him. He will be solely missed. xxx


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## Mugzwasmylife

He actually died from a reaction from taking a legal high!


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## Jabberwocky

jesus.. mugz i didn't know you passed... rip buddy i hope you found peace


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## maxalfie

I still miss your fun and sometimes crazy posts Mugz, such a shame we didn't get to meet up before you moved away. R.I.P


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## bogman

2 years gone , will always remember that crazy wend we had


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## pinkpapaver

TheSpade said:


> You were full of big ideas Mugz and I wish you had hung around to see some of them out.
> 
> Gutted.


Mugz for ideas. Help me roll with my ideas kid, you touched my heart and soul. Gentle souls get tortured the most. I've got great ideas right now, stuff will help me channel the energy and divert from triggers. Guide me thru wm to make something of it. Like yourself am too good a bod to be be in the company of bad bods. Better with one's own creating crafts. Blessings upon you mugz always


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## Xorkoth

RIP


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## Bare_head

Rip


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## Lightness

Rip I miss you man


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