# Did you get fucked up at fifteen?  . . . ( not really a roll call )



## Ashke

_I'm moving this thread here because I DO think this explores a strong personal philosophy of mine. It was originally posted in the Chill Out Room ages ago, but they are nuking that forum very soon so also I didn't want it to be lost. If you feel this is inappropriate feel free to move it where you think it belongs. Thanks._
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(Disclaimer: Ashke's writing this mildly tripping, bear with her. This will get on-topic. Eventually.)

You know that very cautious and responsible breed of drug user? Didn't start taking drugs til at LEAST eighteen, probably early twenties? Basically your average Bluelighter. Ideal bluelighter, rather. We nudge the new users on here towards that mold every day.  

But what do you do when you get the little kid who wants your help with harm reduction? Are you going to stop them with an age issue, really? You wouldn't have stopped me. Surely I'm not the only bluelighter who got fucked up at fifteen and felt justified in the attempt.

I did. I was an experimental girl, okay? And I certainly wasn't afraid of the medicine cabinet. 

Wow check this out, if I eat the ones with the orange sticker of the dizzy looking guy -- I get dizzy! But how dizzy? Well, try one first, duh. How dizzy was that? Go from there...

It wasn't hard. I was cautious, you know? I didn't want to hurt myself. I just wanted to know what this stuff did. How'd it feel? 
I had it under control. 

I was just playing see, these things HAD to be fun if mom and dad were still hanging on to a script that ran out years and years ago, right? (I was usually right.)

So I got to know the medicine cabinet and its mysterious contents. My mom was a nurse and I realized she had all these books on her shelf about what drugs do what, and the names didn't always match up but when they did it could be real useful. By thirteen, I had it down.

Didn't take long to realize that ALL that dizzy stuff was really boring compared to my brother's ADD medicine! Same for these things my mom had to help her... diet? Mom's on a diet? But she still seems so fond of fast food and ice cream! Curiouser and curiouser. 

But who cares what SHE wants it for, coz this stuff has better side effects than that, serious. I mean WHOOOOOOA! I think I wanna go... socialize? And then... do my homework!? Yes, this was definitely some powerful magic here. 

It was more. I felt sharper, capable. Like I'd finally figured out this whole being thirteen with parental expectations thing.  You know, "Yatta yatta... not applying yourself.. blah blah blah ... with your IQ scores.. yatta yatta" (Gee, unimaginable that I might use these brains to figure out what a terrible waste of effort junior high is..) 

But okay, they wanted me to jump through these hoops, and when I took this stuff before going to school that day the hoops didn't suck quite so much, I wasn't so shy around my classmates, and I just usually had a much better day in general. 

And I was so careful. Building up a little network of grade school pill swappers, well that was only practical because clearly I liked this stuff too much to keep using my brother's shit without someone noticing. 

But I was concerned with health stuff too. Like how even tho *dieting* seemed a ridiculous reason to take a beautiful drug like dexedrine, it definitely DID cut my appetite down to nothing. But just because I'm taking dexedrine, it doesn't make my body need food any less, right? So I eat at dinner time, even if it tastes like cardboard. Gross, blech... necessary. 

I mean, I wasn't an idiot. You think I did the first line of coke that was chopped for me? Naw, I studied my highschool's elite theatre crowd and their drug habits for a LONG time before deciding to blow the line. And the line wasn't coke, it was meth. 

Meth? Seemed smart. I tried to figure it all out beforehand. But these suburban closet cokeheads, all caught up in glamour and bullshit.. They all acted like meth was just this less intense substitute when they couldn't get good stuff. Meth was just coke lite. I-can't-believe-it's-not-coke! Phah. 

Their attitude didn't make sense to me. From what *I'd* heard, meth was supposed to last a lot longer, and it was far cheaper. And who CARES if it's not a more intense high? The length should make it worth it! I still wanted SOME high -- that ADD shit hadn't been going up my nose just to keep me on task at school.

Yes, some high was good. But INTENSE high? That might be hard to control. I'm a control freak kinda. I liked these drugs because they put me IN control, see? So let's recap... it's long lasting, cheap, and it will get me high but not 'intense high'. Gosh, meth was the perfect drug! 

I found myself horribly addicted to the shit in a matter of weeks. Weeks! 

I wish I hadn't overlooked the computer as a valid place to learn. God, I wish I'd found something like Bluelight back then. That shit totally took me by surprise. But I couldn't find anyone who would give me a straight answer without giving me a lecture. Anyone with some experience or knowledge to share could have cleared up my misconceptions, given me new things to consider. 

Though it's kind of weird to think of my pretentious fifteen-year-old self trying to hold her own on Bluelight. I mean damn, back then I thought I had my shit together.     
	

	
	
		
		

		
			
		
		
	


	




 I'm always so surprised at how MEEK today's Bluelight young'uns are when they try and defend themselves from all the responsible bluelighters riding the 'eighteen and up' high horse. I woulda been all, 'Uhm fuck you, give me information about it or go away!' TOO YOUNG TO CONSIDER IT? You don't know me. I'm mature for my age. I'm so careful. And I consider EVERYTHING.

Sometimes I see ghosts of Miss badass knows everything fifteen year old me. I'm both frightened and fond of her. I will do anything for her.

Those little girls bouncing about asking for paper and pens in the line outside a party that requires seventeen and under to bring a parent permission slip. You know, if she doesn't use mine, the guy behind me will fork one over. Miss badass knows everything has decided for herself that she's getting into the party no matter what... Will she behave? Dunno. Have my pen, darling. Have a wonderful time.

They aren't always so brave as the Miss Badass I was. The boy who couldn't meet my eyes as I taught him how to bleach a needle. "Can you teach me how to do this so I can show my friend how?" Sure thing kid. I used to watch my boyfriend do it. But he was a dumbfuck, you or your friend or whoever should get a hookup on clean picks.

Oh, and on New to XTC? I see ghosts everywhere. 

They're coming to me with these questions on how to be safer.. What went wrong? Wasn't I right about this? I thought I understood... Is this normal? Can you help me?

And of course they're questions I've answered a BAZILLION times earlier that past month. Same dumbfuck topics wrapped up different flavors of teenage badass 'tude. And my answers may get tedious to my own ears, but how can I stop reacting? How can I withold something that might help? 

So I stop. I take a moment.

Do it like this. Don't mix those! Don't take so many next time, christ! Like this. Let me help. Again. And again. Same topics return from new, grammar-impaired children.. same dumbfuck questions I have to answer. Gladly. Like this, kid. Let me show you. 

~*~ Ashke ~*~
[This message has been edited by Ashke (edited 17 June 2000).]
[This message has been edited by Ashke (edited 27 October 2000).]


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## yolkman

I used to get fucked up a hell of a lot more when i was 15. But i used to do it during the day and hang around in the centre of town. It was mostly lighter refill gas (Butane) serioulsy fucked up shit if you take a lot and only 1.69 a can that you could pass around 3 people for about 1.5 hours.


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## RaverMadness

I drank, smoked (cigarettes and pot), and used nitrous (scarfing whip cream cans). Most of my freinds used meth, but I stayed clear of that until I was 18. I knew people my age who rolled when I was 15, (It was in 1995) but I didn't know shit about E at the time, so I passed on that  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




, not just because I didn't have that much money.


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## RoLLHaRd

ashke-- don't feel so bad! the first experience i've ever had was tripping(acid, 2 blotters[unknown kind]). this was when i was 13. the great ganja came shortly afterwards, followed quickly by other hallucunogens( shrooms, mesc, etc.) it was only a matter of time for the great(and EVIL)coke to enter my life! "i'll never touch the shit!" YEAH RIGHT!!! meth and glass followed, but i never really liked the stuff(tho my old habits still find there way to me from time to time  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ) anyway, ecstasy came with the rave scene, at 16, along with an assortment of uppers and downers. drugs i can't even pronounce. luckily, tho, there is hope! i've found myself very calmed down when it comes to drugs. tripping now spiritual, rolling is actually a good time again, and weed, well, i never had a problem with it in the first place! i feel like i'm senslessly babbling at this point, so i will take my leave. i hope this cheers you up to some extent! P*L*U*R
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Lord, what fools these mortals be!


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## Pyro

I so feel what you're talking about Ashke.

When I was younger I discovered dexadraine before anything. A friend got some and didn't want to take it so he'd hand me hand fulls every few weeks. I was in... 9th grade? I loved it. But really didn't know why. 

I then discovered codiene through perscription. I abused that to it's fullest. Finding ways to extract the codiene then dosing very very high doses of it and listening to music in my room. Still very young.

Then someone crashed into our car and I discovered muscle relaxants. Flexeril, and other ones I cant remember the name of. Flexeril was my abuse drug of choice. 
Still had never smoked weed or drank or done anything illegal drug wise. 

Then I got ahold of some valium. I stole it from my dad's perscription bottles and found that my mom had vicoden perscriptions... I stole those too. I spent my 9th and 10th grade years very fucked up on opaites and depressants at school. When summer came around I never really did any drugs. School just really bored me so sufficiently and entirely. I still pulled 3.8 GPA... totally high.

Then I figured on trying weed. My friend and I got ahold of some very easily. Our first time smoking it we didn't know how much to smoke or when to stop smoking, so we got severly fucked up and I had a horrible experience, felt like I was dying and that I was melting away. ... I was stoned, and didn't know what to do  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. Finally we got used to it, after 'revisiting' the weed after a long long break.

Then I was a stoner for about 5 months.

Then I discovered mushrooms and the world around me changed. I was a changed person.

But I wasn't changed enough and i forgot what the mushroom had taught me. Unluckily for me (and my liver/kidneys  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ). 

Soon I became jaded again and at 17 I finally drank my first alcoholic drink. Which is strange cause I hung out with the punks for a large majority of my highschool life (lots of beer, just non for me until this point). Then I took beer to excess every weekend. and of course at school during break, lunch, before and after school. Throw in some pot, but by now I was 'done with pot' and moving on. 

My good friend Liz told me to "eat this pill, it's ecstasy" and invited me to a rave. I didn't know anything about E. I had no idea... I really had no idea. So then summer started, and every weekend I would dose E once or twice and go to parties continually. I became a raver  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. 

Through the rave scene I found low doses of acid, but it never really 'got to me' until ... this weekend. *refer to post in chillout room*. 

So then I revisited the mushroom, and THIS time I remembered what it showed me and I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. I didn't want to lose it again... I didn't want to lose what the mushroom had given me...
but I did.

I found crystal. Ecstasy had left me, and it wasn't working anymore. I did crystal to 'just try it once'. Try everything 'once'. right? Right ashke? just once...

I got to a point where I knew I was addicted. I still will never admit to it... I don't/didn't have a problem. but I had to use salvia and mushrooms and weed and strong strong mental suggestion to just CURB the crystal-mental-attachment. it's still there, and i will again 'replenish' myself... sometimes it really hurts me on the inside that I can't make it go away... sometimes I get depressed and cry, and sometimes I say 'fuck it all'. 

and everything went really fast while I was on crystal. my life, my friendships, my thoughts, and my feeling... went -away- really fast. 

But through it all I strode. Thinking I was ok. Then I dose mushrooms again. and THIS TIME hopefully I will remember -it-. THIS TIME, hopefully I will be able to save myself? 

Then came Salvia. A short visit, it's ALL you need, salvia does not fuck around when it comes to 'showing you what the fuck is up'.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. I would have to say that I 'swear by Salvia'... it IS.
now it's weed and opium. something to curb the bordem, but not to an extreme, and rarely do I smoke/use opium. 
then came high dose acid *again, refer to chillout room post* and everything I thought I knew about lsd flew out the window and I disapated into the dirt and sky. I feel no pressing need to revisit the acid experience for a long time, but know that I need to go back a few more times through my -life- to remember that feeling, and to re-read the book that is lsd. 

stimulants are my weakness

opaites are my simbiosis

and it all started with perscriptions

and it al started when I was 15

Pyro

PS: I love you ashke (tell loupy I love him too). I feel you even so far away  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



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Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.


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## rollingonx

sho nuff did
Started drinking and smoking out with I was 11, First fried at 15 and first rolled at 17.
That is my experience, not as extensive as most I'm sure.
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1 lifE 1 lovE so thErE can only bE 1 kEEEng




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[This message has been edited by rollingonx (edited 22 June 2000).]


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## Dr. Watts

Wow Ashke,

Your story is incredible, but not unique as Pyro has shown us.  At any point, were you mad that you started this?  Did you ever blame anyone else?  

I began drinking at 13.  That was the biggest mistake of my life.  It pretty much ruined my teenage years.  I can't ever have them back and it sometimes hurts to think about the pain I must have caused my family.  Like pyro, dspite the drinking, I managed to do well in school and I graduated 3rd in my high school class.  But I was going to first period hung over or still drunk and then home during lunch with my best friend Nancy to raid her big sisters supply.  I don't know if I liked drinking to feel messed up or just so I didn't have to feel anything at all.

I didn't try pot until college and then that escalated when I fell in love with a pot head.  I quit drinking finally when I was 19 but smoked way too much weed for someone my size   
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  When I was 22, my bf, the same pothead guy, suggested we try e together.  So I did it.  I loved it.  After taking e, I stopped smoking weed everyday and I cut it back to like once or twice a month, basically only when I would roll.  In the beginning of my use, we got very pure stuff.  So I really loved it.  I hit rock bottom about a year into my e (was using less than once a month) use when I took a bunk pill.  I thought I was dying.  I think I almost did.  My bf and I broke up and that my doing.  I think after I hit bottom I needed a fresh start.  I miss him all the time, but I think I am better now with out him.  The drugs were a real negative influence on the relationship, and I didn't see that while I was in it, only on looing back at us.  

Anyway, I don't know why I am babbling to you about all this, but I do understand your curiousity.  My parents are first generation American, they are from the old country and don't believe in drugs to relieve pain so not so much as a tylenol is around my mom's house.  It wasn't until after I left home did I do any real experimenting with drugs.  Anyway, thanks for listening.  

Love
Michelle
[This message has been edited by Dr. Watts (edited 20 June 2000).]


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## loupy

Awwww  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I'm luvved.

Y'know... I wish I HAD been experimental when I was 15. But then again, I suppose I'm much better off that I hid in my shell so long. I had too much to face at 15, and I, somewhere, knew that one more distraction would just spin me off into oblivion. It wasn't a conscious thought, like 'oh, if I do drugs I'll like it and get lost.' It was more... just fear. Of the unknown. I had enough on my plate, and I avoided everything else.

School was already headed down the drain. It was all I could do to keep my sanity, and I'm ever grateful to my friends for helping me there (even if they didn't realize then). It's fortunate that they were sober, cuz otherwise I prolly woulda been in way over my head before I even realized it. Hell, I never even realized there was a *safe* way to do things until I got a brain of my own. Which, relatively speaking, wasn't that long ago.

Sometimes I wish I did get in the deep end though, just to say that I had some reason for fucking up in school that people would understand. Or just to say that I had an interesting time flunking - sure know some weed would have made due dates easier to handle in class.

I know I would have just ended up damaging myself further, but then again maybe I would have realized some other things sooner. At the very least, I'd have been outside my shell for a lot longer, and experienced more. But then I guess that's the storyteller in me, just wanting more experience to draw from. Or maybe it's the fact that I knew I was stagnant for 2 years and didn't have much to show for it.

Still, it's silly to assume that if I was doing then what I'm doing now that I'd just have gotten to where I am that much quicker. I had a lot of demons to fight. And while experimenting might have dealt with some of 'em, I suspect I'd have come away with even more shit to get through. I've still got plenty to get through, and I know, hearing others' stories, that I wouldn't be in a good place right now if I had that much more to deal with.

Even though I wasn't being fucked-up at 15 (in the drug sense, at least), I still know that if someone had just sat me down and told me how things were I'd have had an easier time of it. Sure, I wouldn't have listened to most of it right away. But then again, maybe someone would have said something that clicked at some point and I'd have come out a little further ahead.

Then again, maybe I wouldn't have realized "Oh, *that's* why..." until I did anyway. Still, I know if I see a kid tackling the things I did, I usually try and give some gentle pointers. Just in the hopes that they'll have an "Oh, *that's* why..." moment themselves sometime. 

Loupy


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## EbowTheLetter

The first time I did anything was when I was thirteen.  My mother was at the Cape with her sister-in-law, my father was...I have no idea where my father was.  I think he still lived with us...maybe not.  Anyway, my best friend in the whole world and my brother and I planned this whole night out.  Just watch movies and play Super Nintendo.  One of them brought up weed, and though I had been vehemently against it in the past, something that night made me say, "Yeah."

So out to my brother's car we went, and we fishbowled it in the driveway.  Not too smart, but hey I was just along for the ride.  I had two pipes and a waterbong.  I loved the bong.  The feel, the sound of the water, how easy the smoke went down...

The pipes were too harsh so I struck up a relationship with the bong in the back.  I was totally fucked and had no clue what I was in for.  We went in to watch movies.  One of them was one of the evil dead movies...whichever one has the trees that come alive.  Freaked me the fuck out.  I was seriously crawling up the back of my chair, screaming at my brother to turn it off.  So he did, just to put Faces of Death on...I went to bed after that because I was dead tired.

Woke up the next morning and didn't do anything with drugs for the next two years.  

I was very anti-drug.  I thought it was running away from problems, which is kind of funny, because I do that without the drugs.  My mom has a lot of problems so she had so many pills in the house it was overwhelming to me.  Never took a single one, except a valium or two to sleep.  She gave them to me.  God bless that...giving your young child (I'd say I was 11 when she gave them to me...had no clue what valium was...)pills to sleep.
Anyhoo, it wasn't till I was a sophomore in highschool that I smoked again.  I was a growing boy and girls started becoming very vivid in my mind.  I had also moved out of my mother's house so there was no tension.  And without tension, things go slack.  Goodbye motivation, hello experimentation.  I was 15 when I started hanging out with Sean and Mark, and smoke each weekend we did.  

Then they started shrooming and I always missed out on it (I lived 20 minutes away and none of us had cars.) I finally got to shroom when I was 16 and loved it, but took a break afterwards.
My grades kept getting worse and I just sunk lower into a depression.  Apathy ho.  When I was 17 I smoked A LOT, almost every day.  Then I saw my friend Mark just become a vegetable from a nice mix of depression and drugs.  I cleaned up my act but didn't pull my grades up, so withdrew and got my GED.

Now I'm at a lovely community college, and am trying to get my grades up because that's my ticket out of this burg.  I was re-introduced to drugs by a lovely young lady and she was the one who introduced me to the raving scene and then bid me adieu.  
I've only recently started rolling.  I did it once last summer with friends and it was lackluster.  The conversation was nice but I think it would have happened anyway.

Actually, it hasn't even been two months since I REALLY rolled.  I'm still not sure how I feel about it, except that I get all tingly and giddy when I think about it.  That wears off, right?  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




I have no idea why I wrote all that except that it's a lot easier to vent and write to a bunch of faceless, intelligent entities than try to explain this to a friend who hasn't rolled or doesn't enjoy it.  Hmm...thanks to any who read this  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Jon


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## loupy

The tingly giddiness might fade sooner or later. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just an end of a phase. Enjoy it while you got it, it makes it last longer.


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## flux

I've always had a little love-affair with self loathing. There have been points in my life when I've worked really hard at it, often very successfully.

I was never a very happy little kid. My classmates were incredibly snotty, and I was never willing to compromise any of my wishes or personality "flaws" to make friends at school. Instead, I sat there, waited for the end of the day, and ignored my classmates ignoring me. Granted, if I now went to school with little-flux, _I_would probably ignore me too. I was a weird little kid, but whatever. Moving on.

So I became kind of withdrawn. I had a few friends outside of school - but even so, I got spacey, and sad. I don't even remember much of elementary school. I remember a few key moments, and other than that I just have a vague recollection that I stared out of the window most of the time, and cried at home every day afterwards. It got better in middle school, but not much. I never really expected myself to make friends, and therefore never really tried to do it. 

I guess you would say my turning point was 8th grade (I'm going to start getting to the point....maybe   
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




). In eighth grade I discovered how much fun hating myself could really be. And I threw all my energy into that. I hung out with loser-punk-assholes, I wore a lot of black, I cut myself, I drank, I never raised the blinds in my room. I worked very hard at being sad. I was almost proud of the sickly, empty depressed feeling I managed to maintain for nearly 2 years. A lot of it probably had to do with the fact that I stopped eating almost completely.

I can't really tell you how that started. I can't even say if I ever even _had_an eating disorder. I had the symptoms of one for about 2 years. But I've never really been sure as to how much of it was anorexia, and how much of it was me trying in a bizarro way to hate myself more than I did. I genuinely remember thinking "Hey, an anorexic would do it like this, girl. Remember how you read it? You'd better get back on track if you wanna get this thing." *Sigh* I don't understand it at all.

Nevertheless, I did a reasonably good job at acquiring whatever parts of the disease I could. I constructed a bizarre network of weird rituals, I counted my ribs daily, I cut my food into teenytiny pieces before I would even think about putting it in my mouth....Hell, I even had a belt that I would wear tightly around my stomach. You know that full, press-on-the-pants feeling you get after Thanksgiving? My stomach pressed on my belt after only three small bites of yogurt or celery or whatever the hell I was eating. That's how I knew I was full....Bleah, I'm going off subject here. 

I did a good job. God, I _should_have. I mean, I would stay up at night and research. I had stacks and stacks of books, and would take every case study as possible tips....In any case, by December in 8th grade, I was most definitely wasting away. I was down to about 95 pounds and would faint weekly. I had constructed the perfect empty-depressed-hole for myself and I loved it.

Somehow I got out of it, don't really know how. I just started eating a little more one day, and slowly my eating became fairly normal. I'm willing to admit that I'm still a little disappointed in myself, sadly enough.

Nevertheless, that didn't mean that I got out of my happy-when-depressed funk. And a while after the eating disorder _thing_, I discovered drugs.

Not to say that I've ever had any huge drug problems. I haven't. I had a period where I wouldn't even get out of bed with out chemical assistance from amphetamines, but they're _amphetamines_for Christ's sake. So, no, I would never say that I had any real problems....Still, I managed to recreate some of the same feelings tht I got from not eating with drugs. The shitty, empty feeling. I feel justified coming down from things. It's somehow right that I should feel so awful. I like being e-pressed. I like comming down from a long acid trip and seeing how bland, and ugly, and colorless the world is and hating it, I like the feeling I get after tweaking too long and too hard and being the last one up and knowing that I did a great job at killing all the cartilage in my nose and that I lost that 10 pounds because of _me_and my unhealthy drug habits. I enjoy being a smoker. I enjoy not feeding myself well(in a non-anorexic way....I think). I....well, you get what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, I'm a little smarter now than I was in 8th grade. Or maybe I just like myself more. Cuz as much as I would have liked it, I never developed a real drug problem. Bizarre as that may sound to most of you, hopefully some of you will get it. 
Glad that's off my chest. 

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Those who find ugly meaning in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. flux@bluelight.ru
[This message has been edited by flux (edited 22 June 2000).]


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## Mr. Sticky

...almost as if being depressed or mired in self-hatred is a security blanket. You may toss it aside to do a few things here and there, but inevitably, like on a cold autumn night, you wrap yourself back up in it and feel..._warm_.
I had an incredible acid trip about 8 years ago in which I realized that I was more comfortable being unhappy than happy; the comfort of it was strangely soothing...half melancholy, half sentimental, and wholy *me*. I would induce the feeling whenever I could...clutching it near to me...I actually _felt_ the physical sensation of warmth inside of me. Shit, I _had_ to find comfort in it, since as a child it was something I experienced on a frequent basis.
Our strongest defences as children become our greatest detriments as adults. Always be conscious of that, sweetheart.
Thank you for sharing; it dredged up old memories that I haven't visited in far too long.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



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Order the fries, earthling!
[This message has been edited by Mr. Sticky (edited 21 June 2000).]


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## EbowTheLetter

Hmm...maybe when my tingly giddiness fades, I'll stop rolling.  I honestly feel like a kid on christmas morning (Before I found out that Santa Claus was not real...my parents overslept and they had all of these gifts in THEIR room from Santa...and we all know Santa delivers to trees only) everytime I think about it.  I was reading the roll tricks thread and could NOT stop grinning (that and my three new tick comics  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 )and I realized there is so much I want to do with e, and hopefully acid...
Something's blocking my ability to write anything...and part of that something was dislodged when I first rolled and then a little more at whistle...I know e's more feeling than thinking, but my thoughts were freed somehow...that's why I'm trying acid...to see what happens there...I think happiness will ultimately set me free, or freedom will ultimately make me happy...Either way, I'm starting to enjoy life and myself.
Jon


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## mescal

I am 15, (16 in just over a week). 

Though i'm not *quite* sure on what came first for me, i think i smoked pot before i drank, smoking was at 12. Later that year i started drinking. 

I had dexies in year 10, have never been a full-on taker, just very occasionly. 

I stuck with drinking and smoking (mainly smoking, as both my parents smoked and it was easy to get. I've always been allowed to drink and smoke pot) till  about mid last year when i went wizzing (as a matter of interest i only snort, and will never inject)
E'ing came at the start of this year. 

I tried whippits a few months ago, and t'ing a few weeks back.
I do well at school, i don't take things without researching them and i don't take e's/wizz if i can't get it from my regular dealer, or trusted other. 

I have an older sister, almost 19, with whom i discuss any drug-related matters i'm not sure about with, i don't mean to sound like the '15-year-old know-it-all' but i've always been pretty clued in when i came to drugs, i grew up that way, and i'm not so into getting high that i don't care how i do it, which is why i really do thoroughly check out what i'm taking.

I consider my approach to drug use fairly mature, i know that it is not advisable to take drugs at my age (or at any age for that matter, but particualrly when young), but that is how it came about for me, i grew up in a druged environment and see no harm in my indulgences every so often. I never tried anything because of peer-pressure or other outside influence. I lead a normal life for someone my age, dotted with the recreational safe use of drugs.

I look at some people my age, and even older, at raves and think 'they're too young for this', when i say young, i don't mean age in years, i mean mature age. Some people go out with the aim of getting TOTALLY FUCKED UP, they will take whatever crosses their path to achieve their aim.

Seeing young people on drugs can be upsetting because youth is associated with ignorance and recklessness, this is often the case. Most of them don't know what they're doing, and abuse the drugs they take, i see people that are in their 20's doing this, and that is just as sad.

That turned into quite a rant... but thats my story (and my life thoughs thrown in). I put it as straight out as i could. In a way i feel older than the 15 year old you talk of because things as you, but then i remember i'm the same age as them... i must sound very pretentious but it's how i feel... hope you can understand, if not... well that's still me.


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## Ashke

Nemo --> I understand. That's like... the whole POINT of the post, luv.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I see these people on bluelight all scolding like 'I waited til I was over 18 to roll and so should all of you!' But it just doesn't work that way. That mentality doesn't help with harm reduction as I practice it.. YMMV of course.
~*~ Ashke ~*~


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## EbowTheLetter

down with ageism, up with drugism.


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## tibahdab

Hehe it's funny reading all your stories, me, being a 15 year old, getting fucked up, responsibly ofcourse . This year has just been a huge experimentation year, my first year of high school. I mean I had never done anything before high school. I had my first drink on New Years 2000, had my first roll a month and a half ago, got layed for the first time, smoked weed for the first time, and hopefully if I can get some, I'll be shrooming and tripping before I turn 16.. in 3 months.


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## Mary Kate

It's like I'm having this thought, and it's going something like, "Hmm. So I tried the 'Hey let's do nothing but sleep until 4 in the afternoon, watch movies, smoke pot, and order pizza, and then have really great sex, and crash out on the bed in the basement.' And then I tried the 'Okay, let's be a responsible druggie. Roll once a month, maybe, smoke pot or drink whenever, just keep your grades and job in check.' And then, now, I've got this 'No drugs drugs are bad what happened to my head where'd it go school is fine, passing, honors... work is happening, and no drugs... where's my brain, why can't I think? Can't do drugs have to get out of this whole druggie lifestyle no more it's over cut off ties with druggie friends and druggie places....'" So I'm thinking about the ways that I've thought for the first half of 2000, and it suddenly dawned on me: Why am I putting all of this effort into staying away from the party scene? What's the point? It was easier being too trashed to worry about much, too trashed be capable of having TRULY intellectual thoughts, and it was SO MUCH EASIER when there were ALWAYS drugs to turn to. Nothing to do? Smoke a bowl. Wanna have more fun? Get a drinking throwdown together. Got cash? Pick up some pills. I've just read everything on this post so far, and I was struck with the realization (again) that ignorance is bliss... and yet I'm still committed to this clean (or mostly clean) thing. I think I think too much. I'm more confused right now than I was after our ritual weeknight pot parties & 24 hour diner trips.
------------------
§*~%~*MaryKate*~%~*§
--This is not really happening? YOU BET YOUR LIFE IT IS...--


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## pYNkXTC

**wow**


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## poopie

i've gotta say that this is one of the most heart-felt threads i have ever seen. 
i always used to think that people who did "bad" (coke, heroin, crack, meth, etc) were insane/stupid. now, i realize that you just approach those the way you approach other drugs. 
they still scare the bejesus out of me, though. =)


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## DJSwErVe

Why would one want to wait until they are 18 to start rolling/doing drugs?  I mean, that is utterly ridiculous.  Granted, I'm only 17 now, and have been going to parties, but never really got into rolling until a couple months ago, I think that a person, no matter how young they are, should make their own mistakes.  If a youngin (lets say, 14-15 years old) wants to try something, let him do it.  Why should older people be like "you should wait until you're older".  What's the freakin point of that?  Who cares if the scolder is 4 years older than the youngin, its not like the scolder is rollin himself.  I see that was hypocritical, and I get really pissed off when older people tell me that I shouldn't do E , smoke week, drink, etc.  I believe I'm a rather intelligent person and that I know what I want out of life.  We all need to live life to the fullest, and if we want to do drugs, then let us freakin youngins do drugs, and let us be damnit!
~*Ricky*~
oh yeh, and Ashke, you have to be one of the coolest people in the world.  I like, want to know you  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			
		
		
	


	




  Some of the best threads I've read are yours.  Ok, I think its time for me to stop sucking up to the moderators, don't you all agree?


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## nasa

Hooooo boy you guys are gonna laugh at me  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



First time I dropped (rolled) I was 22 and it was last year  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  Grew up in the country when all the raves were going off in '88 and '89 and the police were chasing everyone around trying to stop them and confiscating sound systems and stuff......I was always curious but none of my friends were ever into anything more than pot which I smoked first when I was 16.
I am a total control freak too and thats why I didnt do it I think.  I cant deal at all with getting really drunk - I hate it.  I used to suffer from massive panic attacks and depression and all kinds of shit - but pills are helping me in a lot of ways.  I spose I subscribe to the 'pills changed my life' theory really - panic attacks have stopped and right after I dropped for the first time I finally faced the abuse I suffered when I was a child and dealt with it.  I think drugs are a personal experience - moderation cannot destroy you, harm reduction and taking notice of it can save your life.  Humans are, by their very nature, discovery animals.....we always want to know whats around the next corner and drug taking is a symptom of that.
Ashke, thank you for bothering to answer the same questions.  Youre not encouraging those younger than us, your saving their sanity and their health - that makes you special in my eyes.
Lou


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## ibuddha

I was in rehab on my 15th birthday (I went in two days before that) and it was my worst birthday ever.
I have always always always researched drugs, as thoroughly and extensively as I possibly could. In high school (pre-internet) I used a computerized periodical database, with whatever books/magazines/etc. I could find. That's probably the first thing I ever used the internet for, also.


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## pooh bear slim

I was getting fucked at 14 but now I am sober for at least 2 years because that is when my probation is off. I don't go to partys for the drugs I go for the music and to meet new people.peace!


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## Finder

Sometimes I wish I experimented when I was fifteen. 

Unfortunately I had the "drugs are bad for you" mentality for most of my life, right up until a few years ago. But that's not the point of what I'm going to try and say.

When I was much younger I never really had any friends my age; I hung out with kids mostly older than me. I kept to myself, I did well in school, I didn't really do anything except go about my own business immersed in my own world. I read quite a bit, mostly to go to another place for a short period of time. I was always that shy kid that doesn't say much.

Shortly before high school I started to come out of my shell...testing the waters so to speak. Heh, I even made some friends my own age. Then I moved away to another state. To this day I still believe that I would've reached the point where I am now a whole lot sooner had I stayed in my home town. But you really can't hold onto those what-ifs...if you did how would you get any further in life?

Moving away from home set me back years in the search of finding who I was. Granted I wasn't as shy anymore I just couldn't figure anything out. I made some friends, most of which I don't even know what happened to. Then I went to high school.
I never really fit in. The area I moved to was fairly well off...You know the kind of place where people only care about how much money you have or what kind of car you drive. Not to say that I didn't have a good life. My parents are still together and care about what I do and I never got the short end of the stick. They gave me what they could and I am thankful for that.

I had typical friends in high school. Kids I truly thought were good 'friends.' And they were for a while.

One thing about me is that I think too much. Sometimes I think too much for my own good I think. (see) Throughout my first few years in high school I spent much of it in front of the computer. It was an absolute addiction for me. Freshman year was the year I discovered the Internet and it's been with me ever since, even though I don't spend nearly as much time doing the things I used to do.

Night after night I spent time on IRC and on the web searching for something. Searching for who I was and why I thought and felt the way I do about things. I had friends over IRC that I really cared about, people I never met. I used to play a lot of those MUSH-type things too. I mean, ALL my time was based around these online friends that I found some connection in. I only hung out with my regular friends so my parents wouldn't ask questions.
I was unhappy with myself and even I didn't know why. I wanted to be people that I wasn't and could never be.

Sometime during my junior year I started working at a fairly large ISP. It was about a half-hour from my house in a different town and that summer I ended up befriending two kids about my age (one was a year older the other was my age). To this day I don't think either one of them has any idea how much they taught me without even realizing it.

The friendship I had with them was geniuine...something I really hadn't ever experienced before. One of them offered me a toke off his bong when I was at his house one night after work. Interestingly enough this was the first time I was actually offered an illegal substance. My disdain for drugs had faded slightly at that point and I really had no feelings of like or dislike. That day I declined the offer but I was left in a curious state.

Several days later that same kid was smoking a joint on our lunch break at work. Getting ballsy I asked him if I could try it. Heh, I clearly remember timidly toking on the joint he proffered. I had been drunk before (rather sloppily at a party I through while my parents were away), but this seemed a lot more comfortable to me.

I didn't get really high the first few times I smoked, but I felt something. I began to look at things differently and not to believe everything thing I'm told.

Taking my new-found interest back to my friends I had had for so long in high school turned out to be a bad call. They actually set me down to tell me I had a "problem" as it was. Kind of amusing as I probably hadn't smoked more than four or five times in about three months time. I was hurt, maybe a little pissed, but hurt more than anything that they weren't willing to accept another view on the issue.

I spent most of my last year in high school pissed off and hanging out with my new friends in the next town over. I was still friends with the kids from my high school but that was the last time I ever let them know about my weekend activities.

Halfway through my senior year, one of the kids I used to worked with invited me to try acid with him for the first time. I was nervous when I left to meet him at his house, and I hadn't decided whether or not I wanted to try it. When I arrived at his house some of his friends were there, one of which had some white blotter with pink designs on it wrapped up in a gum wrapper.

I decided to try it, not really knowing anything about the drug or what it would do. We took it at the same time and I just held on for the ride.

For the first time in my life I saw kids that were REAL to each other. I was tripping for the first time with people I had never met and felt completely comfortable. I had the most amazing trip. I learned a lot about myself and where I was going that night.
In the coming months I experimented again a few more times with acid. I also gave mushrooms a shot, again with those same people that indirectly taught me about myself.

Shortly before I left for college I was given the opportunity to try ecstasy for the first time. It ended up being at a rolling party with some of those same kids I had tripped with so many months before. I experienced the full potential of the drug that night talking with a complete stranger who I can only remember his face and his first name. I delved deeper into myself than I could have ever thought I could.

I left a week later for school and spent most of my first semester toiling in my own depression aching for what I had lost by leaving home. I slowly began to build a group of friends for myself from all the new people I met, still not really know what I was doing.

Today I can't explain how close each of us is. It's actually rather baffling to me. I've got something real of my own for the first time in my life. I got a lot more than what I was looking for this past year and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I'm still searching for SOMETHING, and I still not sure what that something is...but I do have a better idea where to look. I have a lot to learn in the coming years, but I would have to say that I believe I'm better prepared for it than I was just a year ago.
Interesting trip life is. Some people talk about how they would do things differently given a second chance. I'd do it the same way.
I'd like to thank Ashke and Pyro for their posts, and Loupy for inspiring mine. I've never talked to any of you before, but thanks.
And thanks for listening.
Finder


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## Pyro

I hear ya.
Know what I do usually at parties or gatherings of any sort. I tend to be somewhat personable, but all the while inside I am intent and focused on the events of the people around me. I guess you could say that I'm just an observer, as many of us are. Not unique in that aspect.
Sounds like a lot of people who search for direction turn to drugs. For some reason this makes me cautious. Perhaps the drugs do not offer anything important beyond insight. What you get out of the drugs, you give to yourself. The drugs offer up, and you either take or ignore or don't even see. Maybe we exonerate the drugs too much, maybe we should point toward ourselves more often.
Pyro
------------------
--------
Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.


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## Finder

I know exactly what you mean about being focused on the people and events surrounding you.
I can't speak for everyone but by taking different substances in my search for whatever I'm looking for offered me a certain view I never allowed myself to see before. It's sort of like if you had blinders on your entire life and they were suddenly removed. Your peripheral vision isn't impared and you can see much, much more of the whole picture.
I do believe that what you get out of drugs you give to yourself, but in the long run it isn't about the drugs. Drugs are temporary, but the connection made deeper into yourself through them lasts forever. When the effects of whatever substance wear off, I still retain all the knowledge I learned. It's something that no one could ever take away.
Finder


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## XtC Girlie

I remember being 12 going through my mothers Liquor cabinet tasting all the varieties of alcohol she had to offer. I puked my brain out that night and decided it was evil. When I was 14 I was straight edge most of the year. By the end of the year i grew bored and started smoking weed. I always promised myself that i'd never do anything else. When i was 15, i had a friend whose mom was addicted to crack. We were curious so we stole some and tried it. The next day my mother tells me she wants me drug tested. I searched all over the fuckin internet and couldn't find out anywhere how long it would stay in my system. When I was 16 I heard about ecstacy and decided I wanted to tried it. The next day I was still feeling some effects and freaked out and tried to find some info on it on the web. Still couldn't find shit. Then about a month or 2 ago, i read time magazine that had an article about Dancesafe.com in it. FINALLY! Some information I so much craved. I am so thankful to Dancesafe and Bluelight for giving me the info i need instead of putting me down. Knowledge is they key  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




)


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## LibertE

First I must tell you all, esp. Ashke for starting this thread....you are beautiful.  In every word that I have read on this post I have felt pangs of both joy and pain, that there is someone else who feels/felt the exact same way that I did at one point....and here I thought that I was the only freak around.
I think that one of the hardest things about growing up, is the _ALONENESS._  Thinking about the scared, lonely girl that I was at that age literally brings tears to my eyes...to have the burden of self-discovery and finding a niche (and usually, any niche will do) while fending off "drugs" cuz your parents tell you they are bad....it is a wonder and a miracle that any of us survived.  
Drugs were bad until I was 16 and on a ski trip, I had snuck some of my Dad's Coors Lights into my duffel bag, and that night, a girl that I was kinda friends with split 4 with me......*four beers* and I thought that I was fucked up.  I couldn't get over the sensation of being loosened....it was all downhill from there.  I drank whenever I could get some, day, night, school, work, who cared....I felt better.  Then the mj came....started with loveboat (poor dumb girl) and that became my "drug of choice".  Luckily I met my best friend in the whole world (and probably the best person in the whole world) and she turned me around without even knowing it.   She was anti-abuse and without making me feel like an asshole, she made me see why that wasn't the way to go.  Being with her made me feel better than any drink or smoke did.  She was a godsend (if there is a god) and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not grateful to her.  I definitely wouldn't have graduated from high school, and I would probably have a child right now.......whoah.
Today I am 22...I do E about once a month with my best friends (she moved to NJ but we are still tight)....I drink occasionally, but do detest that loss of control when extremely intoxicated, and the barfing thing absolutely blows.  I experimented with coke and shrooms in college...they didn't take.
I guess that what I am trying to add to this post is this:
It doesn't matter how young or old you are when you do drugs.....what matters is *why*, and *understanding* why.  So many people find out the hard way.....a life ruined simply because no one offers help, solace or simply INFORMATION, it angers me...because it is so simple to help someone, simply through words....and that is what this site brings to the world....a means of therapy, anonymous and safe.  
Thank you, and remember, you rarely know what you have until it is gone....that is why god made E.


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## Diffidence

Definitely some intense thinking here people.  Guess I'll add my two cents.

It all started when I was about 14.  I had my first drink, and coincidently my first drunk at homecoming.  The frequency was definitely in moderation, though I can't say the quantity was.  

Things were slow until the next year, where I worked at a pharmacy along with some casual high school drug users.  During the year that I worked there I got introduced to weed seriously for the first time, but only smoked a few times.  It was all about experimentation.  As the son of two alcoholic parents, I've learned over the years that I need to watch myself.

Then, months after the weed, came the acid.  That all died off for a while once I quit that job, with  only a few random bouts of weed smoking.  My next job was working for a guy hooked on coke, but suprisingly that didn't really affect me and I still made good choices.  This was the time where I started partying a little harder with alochol, but still only every other weekend or so.
Summer between Junior/Senior year was a tough time for me.  

Getting over a girlfriend at the start of the summer, which seemed to be an annual thing for me, basically kept me locked inside my house for the summer.  Suprisingly, I turned to things other than drugs to keep my busy, such as my computer and the occasional party.

It wasn't until just a few months ago that I tried rolling for the first time.  Actually, coincidently it was the first time I went to a party.  I was invited by Ebow who had been to a party or two before and I was interested when I heard about his experiences.  I was the one sitting in the middle of the floor at Whistle blown out of his mind. (I'm sure that really narrows it down)  It was truly wonderful, all of the feelings that I keep bottled up inside me came out.  I only knew a couple people there, so I didn't share them much, but I definitely realized some good things about myself and my friends.  

Since then I have rolled three times with my girlfriend, and have been to one more party.  We tried it two days in a row while on vacation at the beach(stupid), getting very little out of it the second day anyway, but the first day was truly amazing.  We are both semi-shy people and the e truly gave us the ability to communicate a lot of feelings that we hadn't previously had the guts to share with each other.  That was definitely one of the best nights of my life.  It wasn't about sex, wasn't even on our minds, it was all about love.

Thinking about my last two months the only thing I regret is not doing more research about the things I have done in the past.  It turns out that what I've done hasn't been too bad at all, but I've also realized a lot of what the dangers of the drug world are now.  

What I don't regret is taking a look at the whole rave scene.  While I'm not currently, and never have been much of a dancer, I do enjoy music, friends, and some kick ass lighting.  Maybe that makes me one of those "kids who goes just for the drugs".  Thats not the way I look at it.

Not really sure how to finish this off, guess I just ran out of stuff to say.  I don't really expect any of you to read all this, but if you did thanks I guess.  Just sharing my thougts...
------------------
-Chris


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## Acid_Reign

It's interesting reading all these stories  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I feel like i should add my bit  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



My 17th is in bout 3 weeks.  I'm to young for this shit but I gain far to much to stop  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



I always felt compelled to try weed.  The two most popular guys in my primary school (one i wsa best friends with) always bragged about "smoking cones".  
I got to high school and became a computer addict....Man do you have any good warez leech's?  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  I got about 10 cd's full of warez games I've never played  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  Anyways, I had my first real experience with weed in new years between yr 10 and 11 (one and a half years ago), absolutely loved it.  Such a good night  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  Those holidays got me into weed a little bit, only in very small does though.  Then i got to school and in physics sat next to a friendly guy that was a fairly regular stoner.  This lead to the friday night session, the satur*day* session then the sat night session.  Along with a good solid year of drinking almost every weekend.  Sort of a neutral drug for me, not good not bad.  Anyways, then one day my mum comes in and says "I've got cancer in my breast, I'm going into hospital in 2 days"....wtf?!?
This lead me to unconciously smoke alot more weed.  Not so much smoke alot more but just become dependant on it.  It's got better and worse ( to the point of smoking every night ).  I'm just coming out of being dependant on it.  And now i still smoke quite a bit but i know that i don't need to,,,if i don't hook up i don't worry about it at all, i just stay straight.  The thing that managed to get me to stop was ecstasy.  I was coming down and asked myself if i smoked for the wrong reasons,,for the first time i said "yes".  I'm young, to young for mj and esspecially ecstasy.  I'm to young physically, my body is still developing.  And fuck, I am way to young mentally!  But if it wasn't for that guy who said "do you wanna buy and pills" i'd probably be smoking at least once a day which i don't want to do.  Catch 22,,,wish I hadn't found ecstasy,,,but damn glad it did  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




  Oh yeh, first roll was the start of this year.  I'm mature in the use of my drugs now.  I can honestly say i'm totally in control of my drug use.  I *love* rolling and smoking but somehow don't feel the need to do it anymore.  
Does this relate to the original topic?  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



ah well


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## Puma

I think I'm quite happy that I discovered drugs as late as it was - I was 21 or so before I was doing them seriously.
I think that all those insecurities that youth has to offer make you more perceptible to doing all the wrong things drugs can bring along.
------------------
... Puma


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## sunni

i don't exactly have my own personal journey to share. i have never been hooked on anything - not even cigarettes. i've tried a few things & enjoy taking e or loui about once a month but i'm never ever hanging for it. i really like my life & i really enjoy being straight & luckily that has been enough to keep me from forming any habits.
my ex-boyfriend, however, is an entirely different kettle of fish. he still has my heart (& probably always will) & it hurts everytime i think about him (which is a lot - too much). he has experimented a lot with drugs but for reasons of cost & accessibility has kept alcohol & mull as the substances of choice - pretty much every day since the age of 12 (now 22).
please don't anyone try & tell me they are not real drugs. he is such a beautiful person & has (or had) the potential to achieve anything he puts his mind to. sadly, i don't think he has a mind left to put to anything - it has been sucked away by years of disuse. i know he's not happy with the way his life is but instead of doing something about it (which i know he can) he just tries to drown it & cover it with smoke because that is the only way has ever known how to deal with shit.
i know it's easy for me to say all this when i'm not the one with the problems. i don't need to be reminded of that - i can see how hard it is for him & i really feel for him. i've tried (after being asked) to help him sort his shit out but i can't. i've tried to just be there for him but i can't do that either. instead of leaning towards me for support, he pulls away because i remind him of things he doesn't want to face.
i want, more than anything, to be able to make things easier for him but it's too fucking hard to always be second, after drugs, to the person you are in love with. i wish i was stronger & i wish didn't take it personally & i wish i knew what else to do - it hurts so much to see him in pain & be not be able help him. but i'm slowly learning - i have to.
my love & hugs to everyone who has shared on this thread.
my thanks to anyone who took the time to read this.
my apologies to my sweet ex-boyfriend who i couldn't help.
------------------
to the crazy person, the normal one is insane


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## fat tony

its so awesome to read all your thoughts like this, and see that you guys all think the same thoughts as i do. except i got one problem, i'm only 17, and i think about all this stuff all the time. 
you guys, with exceptions, are all experienced campaigners who have been there, done that. and you come out at the other end thinking all this stuff, stuff that i think about, and i DONT WANT TO YET !
like finder, i think way too much, and i think about all the same things, over and over again. i think about my friends, i think about school, and i cant stop stressing over them. i never used to stress, i dont know why i do now. i used to just be a guy who went out and did stupid shit with his buddies and smoked weed and drank and stuff. except i cant get that freedom back into my head. i never just let go anymore, i'm always thinking.
the only time i just relax and chill out is when i drink, or when i go rolling. xcept the last time i went rolling i was still stressing, so i had an average time. 
why does all this shit bug me all the time?  i shouldnt let it get to me, but i do. and i know i should just relax, but i'm always tense and edgy. 
so i'm not entirely clear myself what i'm getting at, i'm just writing all this down, i have no idea if neone can relate or knows what i mean. 
i give myself too much time to think, i spend hours on buses most days, which doesnt help. i listen to my walkman, but i cant even concentrate on that nemore, i just stress about things, a girl, a friend, school. and i'm lazy, i dont get up when i wake up, i just lay there and think. i dont go to sleep when i go to bed, i lay there and think. 
so.. yeah.. i got no idea if this relates to the thread. i just read all your stories and told mine. about the mature age thing, i started weed at 15, acid at 15, and e & speed at 17. when i think about all that acid, i think i was way too young. the first time i dropped acid, i drank beer and smoked way too much weed as well and ended up barfing everywhere. not a good thing when you are tripping off your head. i did heaps of stupid stuff back then, but now i use BL to its full potential, all the tricks of the trade, harm minimisation, all the benefits, and all of your experience. at the time i thought i could handle acid and i probably did ok, but i wouldnt recommend someone else start that early. make sense?
so much respect to all you peeps, who have my thoughts, and concerns, and insecurities. hope all you stuff goes well. cheers to neone who read this far.   
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



ashke - love your work. save the children   
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



------------------
let me take you high with the breaks, and low with the bass. 
[This message has been edited by fat tony (edited 16 July 2000).]


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## Dream31

i AM 15 rite now, and the things i use are limited, what i use i kno everything about, i tripped my frist time at 14, (i studied LSD for like 4 months before trying it) i dunno drugs just facinate me.
but yea, i started doing everything after i was dumped by that senior chic when i was a freshman...it tore the shit out of me, and so i got into drugs...not as an escape... but for some reason i felt like finding out what acid did to you...crazy huh?
i never really over did it, too badly, i knew my source yada yada...and now ive moved onto E, ill roll every three weeks MAYBE, i dont take drugs often. but those are the illegal ones, i dont smoke pot, and i dont drink.
I'll do muscle relaxers now, condone, oxycontin, my father has scripts...but the things i do are in moderation...just like ashke i am wayy too old for my age.
*shrug* thats me.


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## Cloud9tE

I've only skimmed the responses and already I feel their powerfulness challenging me.  I am Ashke's "ideal bluelighter."  (I loved your autobiography by the way).  I tried E when I was 18 and in college.  I had really cool friends who were honest with their experiences, nonjudgemental, and yet conservative with their drugs who advised me about the experience.  Ultimately, it was me who went back for more though.
The ironic thing is E is the first illegal drug I ever used.  Not pot the so-called "gateway drug."  I smoked pot much later, partially b/c I found my hypocrisy towards it ridiculous.  "You won't smoke weed, but you'll roll?" were the incredulous replies and smirks I got from people.  I think I'm in control of my E usage.  I'm educated and still educating myself about it.  I've never dropped more than one roll or rolled more than once in a 2 week period.  What does this make me?  No better than you, and I'm not likely to be selected as Good Citizen of the Year either.  It makes me relieved, except for the fact that there is a curiosity to kill about other drugs.  It's like being morbidly obsessed with death, I am fascinated by Ecstasy, which some would argue leads to the ultimate death of my mind.  But right now I am expanding and grasping, I just hope I don't reach beyond my grasp.  Much love~~  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




~~
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Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electric tin openers. (Irvine Welsh).
[This message has been edited by Cloud9tE (edited 18 July 2000).]


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## stlangel38

i hear ya, i'm 16, and i started when i was about 15.


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## applesbliss

I was always impressed and fascinated by my friends who did/do drugs. 

14-17: It didn't occur to me to try drugs, any drug.
I flirted with it during those timespans, and it didn't really mean anything. I bought some marijuanna from a friend at school in 10th grade. For 10 $, it came in a cute plastic case, with a few rolling papers, and a tiny amount of weed(Now I would say 2 grams or so). I tried smoking it, but I couldn't. For the life of me I just could not figure out how. Ain't I bright        
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 I ended up eating the remainder, to savor the experiance.(This was while visiting for the weekend at my dads place while he was out)

I had also tried, smoking a pixie stick that year. Also tried drinking some liquor in the cabinet tring to be daring, well it ended up burning my tongue and I stopped right there        
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




. 

Somewhere in the duration of my 10th grade year, a person my age who I was living with brought me behind a church near where we use to live. And we lit up a tobacco cigarrette. I still remember the buzz from that cigarrette. It kicked my ass, and I coughed, and got dizzy and I think my head hurt. Now the year before at school, between portables(At school), some friends were smoking a cigarrette, I think I remember just hitting it quickly.        
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Life was so incrediable at that age. 

I moved back to my hometown after my 10th grade year. And new friends gravitated to me, I had developed a structure that was anti-structure, and beyond goth. Many of my new friends, did drugs. I would eventually change persona again, the outlook of my circle of friends changed with this. I was living on this surge of beauty and observation. I accepted everything for the beauty it was, and began fathoming balances.

I was always offered drugs, when one of my best friends moved out on his own, and I would go chill at the complex he was staying at. There was this dood, named Carlos, who always said "Fuck Mickey Mouse", and he smoked crack, and the other neighbors did lots of weed. I was always offered. Friends I was with offered me whatever was there, and some other friends tried to protect me(Mostly female friends, who knew I never did any drugs) from tring anything. I always thought, that I wanted to wait to smoke pot until I could see a friend from tenth grade who I really missed, who was into party and drugs.

The main reason I didn't wanna try drugs, was because I didn't want my perception tampered with. I was writing alot of music, and poetry, and didn't want ANYTHING to disrupt that. 

Then came twelth grade, I sort of morphed into a hippie, with my long hair, very romantic towards all.

After I graduated, I had my car, I said goodbye, and moved to the area where I lived in 10th grade. Met up with old friends, made new friends. Crashed with a friend's fiancee, where I would first smoke generous amounts of pot(With the person I wanted to). The people I was staying with were evicted from their house. They didn't pay rent(They smoked alot), so I rented a place where we both could crash with money I saved up.    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Then moved back to my hometown, to share a house in the middle of nowhere with about 8 really good friends. It was dubbed "The house that never sleeps"(Original huh)(Parties EVERY day and night), we wrote all over the walls, had a toilet in the living room, a few couches, some cats, and two bedrooms. 
I watched them do massive amounts of coke, no-doz, 'script drugs, duster, nitrous, pot, alcohol, E, acid, and shrooms. What I did was: alcohol and pot. I didn't have any desire to try anything else.(It didn't even cross my mind)

Upon moving to Daytona, with a heavy toker friend I had met through another friend. And with a few rascels from the old place. I did uh more pot, alcohol, and tried poppers.

In mid-July tried E, with friends(Who I had met in Daytona). What an increadable experiance from so many fronts.      
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 It concluded with a afterglow lasting two months.    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Four months later I decided to move out on my own. Became fairly deepressed ... between landlord, ...work. Friends I had met in Daytona, moved to other cities.(I was asked if I wanted to move to Georgia, but decided to stay). Plus I lost contact with hometown friends around this time.

Very hard time, winter was starting, and I was just having a nervous breakdown.

I did make good friends with a older lady who had the same job as me. She lived up the street, and I had gone to parties at her house, then begun hanging out. She drank, smoked, rolled, tripped so on. She lived with cool people(Her son, and others). I evenutally decided to move into the same apartment complex. I rolled with them a few times, and tried other things.    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Two weeks later, I met up with bluelighters, After extensive ongoing research, and new interests being sparked. I had tried, G, K, nitrous, foxy, many legal drugs/suppliments, Salvia, acid, various others, and, and, and  vicks    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



applesbliss    
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



[This message has been edited by applesbliss (edited 19 July 2000).]


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## Mystik1325

hRmmm...
AsHke  u've inspired me 2 share with the rest of the group... 
My drug usage/whatever u wanna call it began in the 7th grade. I think I was like 13 err sumtin i dunno. I smoked bud with my best friend Mary... I liked it LoL who doesn't at first?? ne ways we were smokin partners. Well at first it was a every 1ce inna while thing, then more often. I moved away from the old hood and in2 another. That's when things went 2 hell inna handbasket basically. The pot-smoking became way more regular then a new friend introduced me 2 prescription drugs. FUCK BUD at this point in time. I was 15. I didn't realize it at the time, but my dad had a shitload of goodies in the medicine cabinet Darvocetts(he's a parkinson's patient), flexiril(moms) and whatever else I could get my hands on, white crosses whatever... ne ways my tolerance grew really fast, 5 darvocetts 2 get a decent high... well 1 night I got this super bright idea that I was gonna take 5 darvocetts and drink a bottle of robitussin... well I did OMFG! talk about hearing shit that wasnt there whoa... I was outta my mind! I ended up hurlin well I didnt go 2 bed at all I went 2 school the next day still fucked up. That totally scared me. So I made a promise  2 myself no more pain pils muscle relaxers or speed. I went back 2 mah Bud. I turned in2 a burnout rahter quickly I must say. I made a new friend who was a pot head 2. Jennifer!! I REALLY HATE 2 admit this but I know none of u will judge me for it, we started 2 huff 2gether as well(FREON, gas) Well 2 make it short.  I stole my moms atm card and got caught, and got my ass thrown inna juvenile level 6 REHAB for 9 months. i turned 16 2 weeks after i went 2 detox (for those of u who dont know u detox b4 u go 2 rehab) Well i got out may of last year. I did really good my first 2 months home I managed 2 stay away from my brother(pothead) long enough 2 get off of probation and pass the piss tests that come with it. I started smoking Bud again (not for long). Then I started drinking a lot. Well I completly overdid it 1 night and ended up down in the er about 2 get my stomach pumped thank god I came 2. I cut that shit out for a while and didn't really do ne thing til Oct. that's when I took my first hit of acid(17) I liked it  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 LOL I tripped a couple more times. Then came the beans in Jan. I totally loved my experience!  Let's just say it's the best high i've ever had. And I haven't really messed with ne other drugs since. I mean I love 2 blaze when i roll and every 1ce inna BLUE MOON i'll drink but NO PILLS!! I'll be turning 18 in august and now that I look back on things I think 2 myself damn I've GROWN UP FAST! Sometimes i regret it, but i don't. u know?  I know my limits now. I'm not the naive lil shit I was when I first started messing with all of this shit. And I've got 2 say i've learned a lotta things about myself. And u know, i'm kinda glad I went 2 rehab because i was really onna path of SELF deSTRUction-not only that I learned a shitload from that place.Most of all I learned a shitload about MYSELF! I just wanted 2 thank all of you who shared your stories... It brought back mad memories of the friends I made in and out of rehab. and it takes mad guts 2 just let shit like that out on the real.   I give all of u mad props 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




n MAD LOVE!! and thank u ashke 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 RAVE ON


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## snoopsterz

used to smoke pot and drink but didn't touch any pills until later on 
------------------
Nuff sed


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## skuby dew

at the age of 15 I was doing pot and acid. I was huffin and I think thats it. My brain's memory is so fuct up I cant remember half the shiet I did.
skubie dew   
	

	
	
		
		

		
			
		
		
	


	



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Puff Puff give! You fuc*in up the rotation!
[This message has been edited by skuby dew (edited 20 July 2000).]


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## Finder

Fat Tony - 
Hey, I just wanted to post that I know exactly what you're talking about. Your post made a lot of sense to me.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 Feel free to email me about anything, anytime.
finder@(deletethis).chocobo.org
Finder


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## PiCo

by the age of fifteen i was drinking smoking and tripping..even though i started young i think i handled myself pretty well i always put school as my first priority..


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## extahsee

Wow, I can really relate with a lot of the things you all are experiencing and feeling.  
There comes a point in time where you actually take a minute to do a spot check of yourself (this usually occurs when you're riding a killer buzz).  You try really fucking hard to figure everything out (what have you done, what are you doing, what will you do, and WHY).  But you keep hearing this voice in the background, it's that Pink Floyd voice yelling, "Welcome to the machine!" over and over again.  
This is when you come to the realization that you don't have a whole lot of control over the mystical questions, "where, when, why?"  There is some other ultimate reality behind all of it, glimpses of it I can obtain, but an understanding of it I will never.
extahsee


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## The Gravedigger

Started drinking a lot at about 12 - started lighter gas about 13 - started grass & shrooms at 15 - started NO2 and LSD and speed about 16 - started E and coke about 18 - *tried* H at later date.
Think that's about it.
The only thing I regret is doing too much drinking my whole life - for most of us this is the most harmful drug (and the one that's got me in the most trouble with the law etc)
------------------
*{DBM}DoubleDove* _-You know it!-_


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## Ashke

I've moved this from the Chill Out Room, which will soon be extinct. Everyone wave g'bye to it now! *waves*
~*~ Ashke ~*~


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## mmmmSeXyE

Being 15 myself, I decided to reply 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




.  Drugs......hmmm.  This is a very difficult topic in my opinion, because people are so different from each other.  To better explain myself-- Everyone is different, the way we feel, think, see things,  have opinions, ect.  So with everything else people are going to be different with drugs.  Although I am only 15, I have seen people twice my age completely lose everything to drugs-but-I have seen people my age lose control also.  I will agree with a lot of people that it is a good idea to wait till you are 18 and up to use drugs.  I agree with this not really because of responsiblity issues, but of issues with devolpment.  As far as I know, most people do not fully devolp until around 18, and sometimes even older than that.  On the other hand though with responsibilty issues, I think it depends on soley on the individual.  I know some 15 year olds for sure could not handle drugs because their lack of caring for themselves or what they do.  I know some 15 year olds who could not handle drugs because of thier addictive personality and other thigns also.  This also applys to older people I know of, not just personally but of course celebrities and such.  I think it all depends on the person. Some people do drugs for the wrong reasons.  Yes, I have tried things, yes I will probably continue to experiment for I am a curious person. I feel that I do them responsibly, if there really is such a thing and not to escape from things in my life.  That is one of the worst reasons to do a drug in my opinion.  There would be no point, yeah your having a shitty time in your life and things are getting hard to deal with.  Drugs aren't going to help this, the problems and discomforts of life will be there just as you left them before you got messed up.  Only, now depending on what you took the problem probably seems worse because after many drugs their is a comedown and is usually not a real pleasant thing so it can make things seem worse than they are.  I have used drugs to not conceal myself from unpleasnat things in my life, but to experience and realize the GOOD THINGS in life.  A lot of people seem to focus on the bad things more then the good. I don't drink, I don't smoke weed barely ever at all.  No cigarettes...I have rolled two times, last time I rolled was 3 months ago, and if I do decide to do it again it probably will not be for another 3 months.  I strongly believe in moderation and education.  I think no matter what your age you should use moderation and be educated on what you do.  I have tried other drugs also.  Moderation I think is extremely important.  It saddens me to hear people talking about losing the magic of E due to long term use, or too much use.  So that is one reason for moderation....without moderation you will most likely build up a tolerance. Also doing things in moderation makes you appreciate them more.  I am for the most part a very happy person, and can have fubn without being messed up-I don't need drugs, just sometimes it is fun to experience different things in life.  I may be only 15, but I think I can handle experiencing drugs.  I have very good grades and intend to keep them that way.  I have read everything I can about any drug I can, pre-cautions, I pre-load, post-load, anything I can do to be as safe as possible.  Maybe I am wrong for doing drugs, but maybe everyone else is wrong too.  
People can flame me if they choose for all of this is completely my opinion on this subject and anyone who wants to differ you are more the welcome. I would love to hear people's opinions on what I had to say.  I take opinions as education, you can learn from what other people think and expand your thinking also. 
~Loves and Hugs always!~Erin


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## SolarFlare6

I started smoking weed, drinking and using tobacco at 13.
15-16 were my hardcore acid years, I have a lot of really fond memories from back then.
Anyway I totally agree, if someone is asking about drugs they have already made the decision to do them, and there is nothing your're going to say to change their mind.
I doubt most people who waited untill they were 18 to try drugs waited that long on purpose anyway.  More likely, they were scared because they believed all the biased drug information in the media.


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## Cyc

That took almost an hour to read dammit!

Drugs, drugs, drugs,

Well, let's kick it off.. 

Through school I was pretty hyper, had a Ritilin prescription at the age of 8, lucky me, (I endearingly call them my 'guinea pig months') which turned me into quite the vegtable in contrast, much to the delight of my teachers. Well, my mother, caring person that she is, observed my total inhibition towards life and took me off the medication post haste. I can honestly say I have very few memories from that time in my life.

As I developed, I had little problems with the intellectual workload and thus curbed my efforts towards wreaking havok. With no adverse Ritilan affects, I was full of questions towards life and attempted my first cigarette at 9. *puke, gag*

I trudged through middle school as a 'floater.' I really had no need for most people, they didn't share my enthusiasm and therefore didn't exist. I found the world of fantasty through that time and had much imagination and energy to work with (not to mention time) so I breezed through life with the happy-go-lucky air of the truly delusional. It wasn't until freshman High School that I realized, "shit, I've just shot up about 6 inches and lost 30 pounds" and girls took an interest, Cha-ching, I was in business. I discovered a world of friends and drugs came with the territory. Funny enough, my years of imaginary solitude had lent me perspectives that were somehow warmly welcomed by people. I surrounded myself with girlfriends, who were easier for me to relate with, and joined football, watching my grades slip to 60-75% averages. Pot came easy for me, it was there, it was free and it was fun. I started at 14 and we were choking down 5'vers of lube during the week. I always had a friend in every crowd, made sure I wasn't popular, just accepted. This carried on through a myriad of thoughts, bonds, girls, classes, life.

My experimentation with alcohol came about at 16, and was added with moderate buddha smoking and made for some interesting occasions. Shrooms were tried at 16 as well, producing an amazing experience last day of school, Grade 11 with some good friends. Life moved on and so did I, keeping fairly clean. Through that time, I was still largely engrossed with fantasy and scheduled myself towards this hobby, venting it through creative writing, poetry and the like and incorporating it with a love for my early taste in electronic music and computers. 
I dropped my first xtc tab at the age of 19 and fell in love with how it vividly swept me to the distant castles that I'd been harbouring in my mind from childhood. It was beautfiful and horrible at the same time. Inhibitions fell away like so many dark memories and I could focus on expression, 'infinite expression, my new obsession.' la ti da... ahem. I coasted ever so easily into a gutter since then and I'm not sure why.. Things have changed, friends have changed, and life... well life will always be what you make of it, that I've learned. Still, I quest to this day to broaden my perspective and learn. I'm now 20 and getting back on my feet again. 

Drugs have taught me much, allowed me to open myself to infinite possibilites. The most important thing I've learned to this date is that I still have much more to take in; But I can see it now, the landscape perhaps, it's obscure but visible and may such noble quests such as life, lead us to clarification.

Kyk.
[This message has been edited by Kyk (edited 30 October 2000).]


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## *SWeeT-e*

Wow, there are some really moving stories on here...this is awesome.

I kinda wish I *did* get fucked up at fifteen. But I didn't, I was brought up in a strictly Christian household and sent to an all-girls' private school with an obsession for academic excellence. Doubtless to say, I was the perfect Christian daughter who got her straight A's and made Mommy and Daddy oh-so-proud. I had my little rebellions every once in awhile, but never had the guts to think for myself for too long....too stressful, ya know.

At 18 I thought I had life perfectly figured out. I knew everything. I was an active member of my church and I was dating a 26 year old guy who I planned on marrying. I truly shudder now, to think of how narrow my mind was back then, how blind and naive I really was, and how fucked-up my whole outlook on life was without my even realizing it. The girl that I am today has nothing in common with that girl of 2 years ago, it's hard to believe we are even the same person.

Thankfully, my bubble was burst by events in my life beyond my control...which left all my supposed unbreakable beliefs just...well...broken. So I had to start again. I never got to grow up when I should have been growing up, so when everyone else was getting through adolescence and finally finding out who they were...I was just beginning. 

Except I didn't have the luxury of progressing naturally and slowly, advancing to the next stage once I had graduated from the last. Nope, I decided to do it all at once. What most people do in years, I made up for in months. And then added a little extra, just for good measure. Left without an identity, I latched onto the first thing I found, which was raving. My new identity: raver girl. E? What's that? Who cares...give me some!! Wow, this is a rave? I love it...I'm gonna go every weekend.

Said I would never do crystal.

Said I would never do coke.

Said I would never get addicted.

Ok I'll try crystal...ok I'll try coke...but only ONCE. (*ahem* Ashke, Pyro...sound familiar?) 

Ok I'll do it at parties, but never during the week. Never to get through the day. 

Ok I'll do it on weekends and on Mondays...come on, Mondays are hard. And sometimes Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and...well ya know how it goes. 

But I'm not an *addict*. Addicts shoot up heroin and smoke crack...right? If it feels this good, it can't be bad...right? 

I can't remember when I started to hate myself. Probably all my life, it was just now that I allowed myself to realize it. I had the unfortunate advantage of being old enough to know what I was doing...I wasn't some naive fucked-up 15 year old who thought she knew everything...I wished I was...I wished I didn't have to watch myself fucking up, falling deeper and deeper into this hole. And still, I kept doing it. Because I just didn't care. 

Flux: I don't know what to say, your story really moved me, it makes so much sense to me. Really, it becomes an obsession, the whole hating yourself thing. It's a game you play with yourself, see how far you can fall, how-much-you-can-take-before-you-break kinda thing. I lost so much weight that you could count my ribs, except that was a good thing, because food was evil and made you fat and ugly. Even now, every time I eat, I feel like I'm going to puke, I feel so guilty.

I feel like I'm still growing up, still finding myself. But I'm trying to be done with hating myself, trying to pick myself up again and stop the fall. This story isn't years old, it's months old. And it's all a little too recent for me to tell with perfect accuracy. I admit to everything, and I admit to nothing. Hopefully I'm learning something useful that I can one day share with someone else. 

Maybe. We'll see.

All because I _wasn't_ fucked-up at 15.
~kimmy.
[This message has been edited by *SWeeT-e* (edited 30 October 2000).]


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## Crow

Let me just start by saying this thread is Awesome and it's staying here.

I didn't get fucked up at 15.   Raised in an ultra conservative family I was brought up in a penticostal church and my life revolved around swimming and God.   I started when I was four and did it for the next 19 years.  Swimming was my drug.   I grew up in a city with few Asian kids and I was a novelty in class.  Always the only one.   So I found a sort of peace in the water (still do).  That I couldn't find anywhere else.   I got really into it during high school.   I became addicted to that peace because I just didn't fit into any crowd in HS.   I wasn't cool or tall, the girls didn't find me cute, I was just there.   So I got lost in the pool because it was where my insecurities did not exsist.   It became my escape. I swam before school and after.   Had the "drugs are bad" mentallity because "I wouldn't get better if did drugs".   Drank a couple of times, didn't like it.  I just got red faced and went to sleep.   

So sheltered, even in college.   Didn't even do pot till I was a junior.   I liked it, but never addicted to it.   Then that summer I rolled for the first time.   It set me free.   I can't really express the thoughts that ran through my mind.   It's like the blindfold was finally taken off and I could see.   I saw the beauty in the world and in people.   I gained such a love for life and the experiences we have.   I can't believe that I held myself back for so long.   I take my drug use for what it is for, it opens doors of perception for me.  I know that it can't last forever and there is a debt that you have to pay for that high.   

Sometimes I wish I did get fucked up at fifteen.   But I'm glad in those years I learned the self discipline to moderate my drug use.
You can be addicted to anything.   Anything can hold you down, ruin your life (ie drugs, sports, food, sex, the net).   A damn sport held me back for 19 years!   Not drugs, just an activity.   Thank God I have learned to deal with the insecurites that held me back.   The goal is finding a balance, it's been two years since i first did E and I don't regret anything I've done.   

Remember balance and moderation is the key.   I hope I've found it.


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## E is not as sweet as u

I am 15 years old, and I have drank, done E, done DXM and Percs.
It all started when I was 13, going into 8th grade. My long-time friend/next door neighbor, who had lived next to me my whole life, asked if I wanted to go to a party with her. She was 16 at the time.

She picked me up in the car, her friend was driving. She said to me, "I'm rollin!" I had no idea was "rollin" was then. I asked her, and she told me. Back then, ecstasy was bad. I had no idea what it was. 

I got to the party, a keg party. Held at the Pipeline, a party spot around here. There were 4 kegs... 4! That was a big thing for going into 8th grade. 

That night was the first time I had really tasted alcohol, outside of drinking wine on New Years, or occasionally sipping your dad's beer. 

I drank a total of 7 beers. I couldn't walk, but I liked it like that. I liked the way I could say whatever I wanted without holding back. I had always been the good little girl, who got good grades, but now... things changed.

Over that summer, every weekend I went to partys. Every weekend I got drunk. I always told myself I would never ever do drugs. That I would only drink. I didn't drink beer anymore though, no, that was too slow. I drank vodka, or rum. 
That summer I grew farther and farther away from my friends. They didn't talk to me anymore, not because they knew about my habits though, because they didn't. I didn't think they would ever find out.

Well, that summer came to and end, as summers tend to come to ends. And I was in a new school year, as confused as ever, to whom my friends were. The girl, who I partied with, her family moved to the other side of town, and I barely ever saw her anymore. I didn't drink at all in the beginning of 8th grade. I started listening to punk music and hanging around with true friends, ones who didn't like me for my clothes, or for what music I listened to.

In January I started drinking again. I was planning to go on a snowboarding trip with some friends, and we were all going to bring some stuff. I got 2 16 oz bottles of Vodka, from my parents alcohol. I couldn't wait. I drank 1/2 the bottle one day, walking downtown. Straight. No chaser, it didn't taste so bad to me anymore.

After this I started turning to alcohol again. I was still against drugs. I drank almost every weekend, up until school ended. Someone tipped off my mom as to what I was doing, and I was caught. She knew everything. After that I told myself; NO MORE DRINKING!

One day I was hanging out with some friends, and I got offered something they call "Ecstasy". I remembered this word, from the summer before. I didn't know what it was. I refused the ecstasy, but I got stuck holding my friends purse, containing a pill. I talked about doing it to a friend, just to try it, just once. I was 14 when I first tried ecstasy. I did 1/2 of a chinese star. I did it out on Rocky Neck, a quiet part of town, looking out on the ocean. It was the most beautiful expirience of my life. 

The next day, my friend and I wanted to do it again. We bought 1 each this time. We had no idea what ecstasy even was. We thought it was a mixture of all different drugs. We were so stupid. After this we craved it. Noone seemed to have it. We finally got our hands on purple peace signs... they were amazing. We went about a month again, without seeing anything, and then we started getting edjucated on what we were doing. That is when we started coming to bluelight. We then got our hands on some XXX's. MDA, we had no clue. 

For about a month after the XXX's we didn't get any. We decided... Let's try robotrippin. It didn't work out too well, I almost threw up. Never do DXM, its gross.

After this and getting 2 bunk pills, we hit the XTC goldenage for this town. We rolled every weekend for 5 weeks straight. On two occasions on weekdays. Once on a Sunday. Then we rolled some more. I lost count.

That brings me to the present day. On Tuesday I did some white smurfs. I always roll with my boyfriend, my original roller-buddy. I have rolled with him everytime. I had started drinking again, but not uncontrollably. 

But today. Today I met my demise. My friend comes over to get me to walk to school. After all I can only walk, I am only 15. 
"Want some Percs?" 

Sure, I didn't care. I didn't know what they did. He told me that they would keep me awake through school, little did I know they would do the exact opposite. I took 1 and 1/2. I had eaten nothing. 

I make it through my first class without feeling anything. I go to my second class where we are watching a movie. I feel kind of zoned out. 

This is when I lost 45 seconds of my life.

I woke up on the ground, a classmate holding my head up. My parents are called, they think I am just tired and dehydrated. My mom brings me to the hospital where I am scared shit to get a drug test. I get a drug test, and it shows up positive, for only the percs. And here I am, right now, in front of the PC. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I don't know what my parents will say. I am waiting for my dad to get home. 

This is my advice to anyone out there, younger than me, thinking about trying drugs.

Dont do it. It might be fun, but it's not worth wasteing your childhood. I have already ruined mine, and I can't stop now, but don't make the mistake I did. Please.
------------------
But in the long run these drugs are gonna prolly catch up sooner or later, but fuck it Im on one, so let's enjoy let the X destroy your spinal cord so it's not a straight line no more...


----------



## Mysticalis

I didn't pick up my first joint till I was 17.  Didn't take my first acid or whippet hits till I was 18.  I didn't take my first roll till a while ago.  I'm 19 now, I can really say I've never done anything without doing it responsibly.  I always am cautious and careful about how I'm gonna get fucked up, so the Pigs don't bust my ass and put me in lockdown.  I did mad research on E before I took it for the 1st time.  I was intro'd to Bluelight just after my first roll and registered here after my 2nd.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



I can say that I love this community of people, because it shows me that there are a lot of responsible people here who take their drugs of choice carefully and responsibly, ensuring a safe and fun time for themselves.  I'll thank Rolling_On_Doves for introducing me here.  I gotta thank all of you peeps who replied to my posts, as it is great communicating w/ you all.  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



I gotta thank E for putting a new spin on my life.  I had such a hard, happy, spiritual roll on my 2nd time.  It all carried over into my sober world.  It put a highly positive light in a world that used to be dim to me.  It gave me hope in many things.  
So this is pre-empted giving of thanks to all of you guys.  Take care of each other always, have a happy thanksgiving, and enjoy your experiences!


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## kati

At 13 I tried mj for the first time We got a joint from a my friend's boyf and smoked it behind our mall's parking lot one afternoon...didnt get high (or didnt get high liek i know high to be now) but i felt good and couldnt wait to smoke more...by 14 I was smoking pot every weekend and this can mostly be attributed to my older brother who would smoke with me although not by any means am i blaming him...we aer the product of a long line of addicts and knew we had to be careful but it was just so fun...

Then came the alcohol and by tenth grade i had stopped smoking pot and was drinking to get drunk every weekend, my parents didnt have a clue...oh and the nitrous afterschool in my bro's room yeah that was fun for awhile...

went back to my true love mj nearing the end of my junior year and had stopped drinking so crazy and it wanst really the substances that were the problem it was what i was doing whiel i was fucked up (which is, actually now thati think about, usually the problem  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 )  i had never been really secure with myself (hahahahaha) and I took the drunk nights as the oppurtunity to throw myself at guys and get what i thought i was looking for and wasnt able to get while sober...thankfully i realized that this was no way to coast through life so I stopped drinking so much, but i already said that didnt i? 

So by senior year i was drinking only socially and not getting smashed so oftne but i do have a few memories of doing some stupid shit...and i was happy school was good friends were great and i had a boyf but i was still smoking every day...

Then came college...and drinking was back with a vengence but i made sure i wasnt in an environment where i could fuck myself over and it was a pretty lame time, I wasnt smoking pot except on a few occasions and i was miserable but a lot of that had to do with being a freshman so i cant really make a connection...by second semester i was smoking with much more frequency and happy again (?) 

Then came the E...god did i love that, it was the first drug i had tried that hooked me on the first try and i guess thats why they call it Ecstasy...but this was the first drug i did in moderation (except for the first weekend) and it stayed great for a long time and is still great although it has lost a bit of its magic...

Then sophmore year rolls around and I decide its time to get experimental K, acid, shrooms, coke all of it and its only november...still a daily smoker and i still love gettign high it hasnt lost any of its appeal althought the high is different now and maybe i smoke purely out of habit now but im doing it anyway...
Ok so this turned into a autobiography but forgive me, i was talking about a similar topic to a friend recently and realized that mj was the only drug i had never had a taboo against (alcohol had major taboos for me seeing how it had practically destroyed my father) ("its only weed") and now look at me...no moderation or thought of slowing down but all the other drugs i research relentlessly before and after trying and am very careful with and take all the possible harm reduction precautions i can...i dont knwo what that says exactly but maybe one of you has insight if you even got this far through my post...

ok so im done rambling and Ashke, what a beautiful post and I think that giving 15 year olds info they are askig for is the only thing you can do and its admirable in my mind and i big thank you for all of your posts it has made me think a lot...
------------------
"like infinity where so much is going on at every second that there is no possibility for your mind to wander and you become like this prisoner of like-happiness" Rayanne, MSCL


----------



## LizardKing

In this post I don't have anything profound to say, I just wanted to thank everyone for everything they're said in this thread, for giving away these very sensitive parts of themselves.  It has made me think a lot about things in general and particularly myself.  This thread is beautiful.  That is the only way to describe it, it has beauty.


----------



## martinez069

I first started smoking weed with my cousin when I was 12 out on his Deck.  He had taken a bunch of weed from his dad ( ithink we later found out it was about a half) and we smoked it all that night and we both got sick.  That next weekend he took some more (i dont know how they didnt notice) and it kept going on like that for about a month, and then we started buying our own shit, just scraping up what money we could, until we found his dads speed in his closet.  That night was the most fucked up night of my life, I think i was 13 at the time, and i only weighed like 90 pounds, and i took 4 pills, i think they were about 200 mg each, and I was tripped and tweaked the fuck out and I started to cry cuz I thought his cat was gonna eat me!  I was like that for about a day, then it just went away.  I did it only like twice after that, but he got real bad into all kinds of drugs.  By the time he was 15, he was almost addicted to crank and meth, but now after 6 years, he finally got himself clean of everything.  I never did any of that other stuff, probably because ive been too fucing stoned to think about anything else, but lately Ive wanted to try coke and X, but Im not sure if I should. Any Ideas? 
------------------
Dreams are made winding, 
Through My head...


----------



## Y-AT

Well now that I think about it, I was sober when i was 15, but 14 amd 16 are completly different stories.  
(When i feel like reading everyone elses thoughts I'll reply again to this and add some more thought to it.)


----------



## Ashke

E is not as Sweet as You --> How did things work out? I'm curious to know if everything's okay now. Let us know.
~*~ Ashke ~*~


----------



## FoX

bump


----------



## Dagny

This thread seems to have come and gone several times, and I'm glad it's made it's way around.  I just worked 14 hours, and was only going to check out bl for a second (!) when i got stuck reading all of this, and it is truly a beatiful thread (thanks Ashke).  Don't know why, but i just feel the need to add to it.  It's cleansing almost, to realize the stuff I've seen and done in my life can help someone else - I have a lot of nieces and nephews now who look to me for advice and guidance.

When i was four years old my brother (14 at the time) would give me 25 cents for every joint that i rolled for him and his friends.  I didn't know what a contact buzz was!!!  I was four, i thought that's how you were  supposed to feel.  When my mom gave me my first beer (the little 6 oz. cans) at 5, i thought that was normal.  A few months later i would drink four or five of these little beers every sunday. Sometimes on Saturday, an occasional Tuesday even. It was easy, my neighbor drove a beer truck that was never locked.  At 10 my sister's boyfriend gave me my first shot of jack daniel's - that remained my favorite liquor for a long time.

By the time I was fifteen, I was an alcoholic.  The worst thing is that I knew it, and the thought really didn't bother me.  I had friends that I knew would get me home safely, and it wasn't about being so drunk that I was sick, it was just about staying drunk all day, every day.  I found comfort in the fact that my day was always pre-planned. Then something happened to me - I found the game of tennis.  Like Crow, i substituted a sport for substances.  I don't remember not being around mj at any point in my life, but i had been a regular smoker by this time, and gave it up, along with alcohol, for being in the gym 2 hours and day and on a court with a racket 3-4 hours a day (every day, all eight in the week).

In college I gave up tennis, but i will never regret the time i spent with it, because i don't think that i would have stopped drinking without it - and the love of a boy that i didn't deserve.  I became a regular smoker again, and through periods of over-use, i still am (although in great moderation today).  Never tried any other drug until whippits, pills, and acid all at the age of 21, in the same weekend.  Not a good introduction - i will never do acid again because of that weekend.  G had been a favorite for a while after that, but i found out too much about it and gave it up.  Just tried E a few months ago, I'm 23 now, and like so many other people, I fell in love with it.  I had researched and debated with myself for months.  With only three rolls behind me, even if I never do it again (although I probably will at some point) the things that I've learned about myself from it were worth it.  I really get what I see from a lot of you, e actually cut down a lot of my other drug use.  I didn't substitute anything for it, I just spend a lot more time trying to enjoy my life.  I will always have my best friend (she's really so much more than that - my mentor in some ways, my rock when i need support, you get the picture) to thank for showing me that partying isn't about getting messed up, it's about experiences.  Rolling with her has made me remember a lot, mostly that joy that I had flashes of as a child - you know it, spinning in circles till you're dizzy, laughing just because it felt good, knowing no boundaries beyond your own imagination.  Made me see how much more important that child becomes as you get older.
------------------
Don't try to be such a perfect girl, darling. Do the best you can without too much anxiety or strain.  
[This message has been edited by Dagny (edited 31 December 2000).]


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## Cassiopium

I am 15 years old, i know my user name is cassiopium, but that doesn't mean that I go out every weekend and shoot some heroin. My real name is Cassiopeia, and it's just a nickname I've picked up...Anyway, I just want to say that age is really nothing but a number, I know 14 year old kids that are more mature than some 18 year olds that I know. All that really matters is your reason for using drugs, maturity, and above all, how well you moderate yourself. Let's stop judging people on their age, and start judging on all of the more important factors.


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## kewl

some substances (and conditions brought about by substance addiction) can effect the growth of a developing system.
it is prudent to procede with extra caution when taking drugs while still developing physically - most people that are still developing do not exhibit this level of maturity AND experiment with drugs.
the common path is to try and act more mature by taking drugs to fit in socially - this is exhibitive of a marked social insecurity which usually leads to abuse due to pshychological factors.
most people who are still in the physical developement process do not understand what it means to be responsible for all aspects of their lives - food - clothes - shelter and direction for energies are usually provided externally - giving a skewed perspective on what is necessary to provide for ones self in ones life.
recreational drugs provide a great source of enjoyment but they also add complexity.
HOWEVER - if you can banalnce the factors above - getting caught with 20 pills at 15 is alot better than getting caught with 20 at 20!
[This message has been edited by kewl (edited 31 December 2000).]


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## KinG PoRnO

ages 13 to 14-completely anti-drug, swore to myself I would never do drugs or drink. Entered high school, had friends that drank and smoked pot, but never tried it myself. At least not that year.
ages 15 to 17-from what I remember, I first tried drinking when I was about 15. I also smoked pot for the first time shortly after that. I felt it was wrong, at the same time it gave me a feeling I had never experienced. I swore that I would never do anything other than drinking and pot.
ages 18 to 19-E, acid, K, coke, etc. Attended my first rave in april '99, my 18th birthday. The friend who brought me offered to buy me a pill. I accepted but we ended up leaving early. So I didn't roll. A couple of months later I tried acid for the first time. It was a smaller amount, didn't trip really hard but ended up feeling like shit the next morning. Tried E a few months later and loved it. Experimented with other drugs but found that I liked E best. Eventually got bored of it and I presently no longer do drugs.


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## secondplaceNFG

OK the first thing I gotta say is...the town where I used to hang out...FULTON...stands for Fucked Up Little Town On Narcotics
that being said
I dont think I smoked pot till I was like a junior in high school, alot of my friends have (hell alot of them were snorting crack too) but I was just like well beer is good enough for me...pot was nice and all but I didnt become a big stoner till that summer when I met my new best friend
Then comes the acid...the shrooms...the ecstacy...oh yeah and the opium was somewhere in there....pretty much I decided to quit that shit, I needed to go to college
So I get into a private engineering school in the middle of nowhere to become a pharamacist and I stayed pretty clean the whole first year...except the drinking and I still do too much of that
But sophomore year.....things got worse...DXM comes into the picuture (ta-da!) and I meet this boy and me and him just start doing every damn random drug we can find...we started growin shrooms and I always went to class seeing shit...damn gravity bong didnt help either
moral of the story:  I'm on probation now so I think I might try to do a lil less of all that shit for now....we'll see how long that lasts..
especially since I will be getting paid to make drugs in the future


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## alert

Your friends were snorting crack? hehe.


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## The Darkness

Well, by the time I turned 16 I had tried just about everything. started drinking back in 6th grade. 8th grade started pot and cigarettes. Then I tried everything else. Now, at 21, I stick to smokin herb and psychadelics. Never got big into medicine cabinet drugs, meth, or the tranquilizers. As for your post saying most of us are responsible cautious 18 year olds, just starting on drugs, I find it to be the opposite. For the most part, I see older kids starting on drugs freshman year of college, and they can't handle the partying. they quickly lose their "path" and end up being a stupid drunk or a lame ass addict. While, the kids that have used since they were kids know moderation and all that. Usually by learning first hand. But then again, the ones doing it longer, will continue to do so, while the new comer who freaks out, might quit after a couple months. This is just what I've seen around my town and friends.
Just my thoughts. I'm not disagreeing with anyone.
Peace
Was
------------------
Sometimes in Silence darkness comes, and sometimes with the gleeful banging of drums!!!


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## Petersko

Well, I tried my first and only drug (ecstasy) shortly before 15x2. Does that count?
Six short months ago. I'm 30. I'm the creepy old guy.


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## slantedenchanted

I'm 15 right now. I wouldn't say I get fucked up. I smoke weed almost everyday and used to use methadone every other day for the better part of this summer until my dealer decided to stop dealing so I couldn't get ahold of any methadone for a while and just decided to quit.


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## Idi0tequ3

heres my story lol
so around the middle of seventh grade, i bought 2 grams of weed off a kid i know (for forty fucking dolllars).i made a pipe out of some metal things LOl and attempted to smoke it. i didnt get high. I tried again. DIdnt get high, i think this was becuase my peice was made out of a tin cap and a metal tube that didnt really burn the weed well. Well anyway, one day my brother caught me smoking. He thought it was pretty funny hes 3 years older than me. But he pretended to be mad at me so he could take the pot away (which i later found out). I showed him the pot and he cracked up. he said that this is the worst pot he has ever seen in his life. (this cost me 40 dollars LOL). He later admited to smoking it and said it was seriously the worst weed ever. 

well anyway,  i had gotten drunk once before that, off some whiskey. During the summer i went camping with my brother and stole a bottle of vermouth (LOL) i drank the whole bottle in one night. I was completely trashed. The next night i stole a bottle of wine, i chugged half of that and got super trashed AGAIN. i know its dumb, but when your camping alot of people leave their alcohol out. SO throughout the week camping i stole beer, a bottle of captain morgans, kept getting drunk. brought a couple beers home, got drunk again. I loved alcohol.  

I started smoking cigs a long time before. (my memory is really fucked up cant remember for sure lol) So eventually school started and i rememberd that i had a bottle of jd. During 8th grade, these were my drunk days. I remember chugging water bottles of vodka. I used to drink on a pretty heavy basis. At least once a week. I got drunk off this jd a couple times, and one time when i was drunk i went into my brothers stash and stole a small amount of pot(i know i know, im an asshole). I went into the woods (already buzzed) and smoke 3 hits in another home made pipe i had made. This one hit good. I was HIGH. i loved it. I kept smoking pot, and admited to my brother that i smoked. He became my supplier and still is. 

I smoked pot all throughout 8th grade, pretty much daily. Then the one day i remember, when my brother offered me percaset. He gave me 2 10mgs and i took them at school. I remember when it hit me, pure pure bliss. I was in love with it, it made me extremely happy. Loved the warmth. then later on that day, i didt eat much, i got so sick.  I was actually green in the face. I got sent home from school and smoked pot. i also used codiene many times in 8th grade. haha. 

Then during the winter, i stole a dxm capsule from my bother (he had 50 grams). I took that, thinking *hey its only one pill, cant fuck me up that bad*.  I was stupid. before the dxm hit, i smoked 3 bowls. I tripped incredably hard that night. I wasnt sure if i liked it or not, but there would be MANY MANY dxm trips to follow. On my birthday i did mushrooms. I got big into dxm, did it a couple times a week. Still smoked pot daily. 

It was summer now. Some of the best times of my life. I kept doing dxm, gradually upping the doses. I remember (this was only last year hhaha) my brothers friend joe would come over with a huge bong and we would bake durin gthe summer. Good fucking times. throughout that summer i tripped probably about 50 times on dxm. this was all on cough medicine, i would steal it every chance i got. "hey mah i need something at the store". 

When the summer started to end, i hit the 4th plateau for the first time. This is when i started using large amounts of dxm, 700-900 mgs and higher. My tolerance grew rapidly. I loved the stuff. Didnt wanna stop, i still stole it every chance i got. it gradually stopped making me trip. So after a while of taking 900 mgs and just getting buzzed, i decided to stop. I did it several more times though. So i was dxm free, it was early freshman year, still a daily smoker of pot. My friend came up to me one day and offered me some xanax. I starting doing pils a couple times a month. I used to trade the kid for xanax pretty often. funny thing was that i would rip him off, and then go sell them to stupid girls for even more. I sold 2 .5 xannies for 20 dollars one time. HAHA i was the drug scam artist of my grade. I was ahead of everybody else.   throughout my freshman year the drugs i would do were(at age 14 and 15)
amphetamine
methylphenidate(lots of it snorted in the school bathroom)
alprazolam
clonazepam
diazepam
lorazepam
tamazepam
oxycodone
hydrocodone
codiene
tramadol
salvia
dxm
of course weed,
diphenhydramine(had a seizure in front of my mom on the stuff, got taken to the hospital).
im probably forgetting a couple, but i point is, i got really fucked up at 15, and i still do becuase i still am actually 15 .
i did pills pretty often, mostly benzos and painkillers. I would drink and smoke pot on both. During this time i was a daily user of nicotine. I would dip, i would smoke. This was only last year. So after i had a seizure from benadryl, i got perscibed klonopin. I remember thinking it was the best day of my life. I knew my mom was a dumbass, i switched all 40 kpins with some other little yellow guys. My mom saw how fucked up i was on them and she took the persciption away ='(.

 I got a dxm capesule and i realized my tolerance was still there. shitty for me. I did kpins everyday for about 2 weeks, and used xanax. some vicodin use in between there too. Then, i turned 15. I am still a pothead during this point, smoked alotta pot. But i had to quit for about 20 days(smoking pot) becuase i was put in drug therapy. Well, a couple months passed, got out of therapy, i remember there was a carnival. And at this carnival i did oc. The day before i did oc too. I hadnt used dxm in about 4 months. I was really to try again. I got a dxm capsule from a friend, and drank a bottle of dm, I tripped balls. This was about 7 weeks ago, right as the year ended. I smoke pot every chance i get still.  

A couple of weeks ago i stole 40 something vicodin and 60 something ativan from a lady.
 I took 6 mgs of ativan,(maybe more cant remember haha) 40 mgs of hydrocodone, and smoked a bowl one day. I was BEYond fucked up. the next couple days this behavior continued. I mixed lots of benzos with lots of weed with lots of vicodin.
I still smoke pot as much as possible, have stopped smoking cigs, still dip though, get drunk and high occasionally, occasionally do painkillers, uppers, benzos.  so to answer the question, i get fucked up, and im 15. hahaha My drug days are just beginning.


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## sassylx

this is definitely good to know that i'm not the only one who started at 15.

I thought i was totally fucked up. Good to know there are others out there.

I went to a private school. and even my sexuality differs me from the others.

try living in a country with just over 4 million people who have no access to coke, and here, stoners are badasses. 

Meth is the badest thing we can get over here, and the front page of the news show erosion in the south island. 
We're fucking undeveloped, with a 150 year history.

this place makes me feel too hardcore, and im scared.


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## edarrin

I didn't read the whole thread but to the original poster....I was selling cannabis and psychedelics (mostly LSD,PCP, and MDA) by age 15.


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## MasterOfDeception

first time i smoked weed i 15,5 or something.. then next time was around 16.
but i know guys that started smoking weed since 12-13


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## geetered

at 15 I had done...

marijuana, meth, amp, lsa, nutmeg, benzo's, strong opiates.


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## Boiling in Acid

i use to smoke weed since im 13 and at 16 fucked myself up seriously with couple months daily 24/7 methcathinone binge, i dealed with total nightmare and madness for months when stopped. 
scary wds!!! this shit was mentally 1000 times more scary than heroin wds +some pain as well..
u frightingly terrified with strong sence of fear with no any reason. its total HELL; now if i got to lil longer than planned h binge, the wds is NOTHING compared to then, mybe h is more physically unpleasant but no way mentally.
...then at 17 with one month daily acid tripping binge(all free) then another couple moths at least once a week of tripping. thats me
now im almost 19 and theres at least a year past since my last binge with mind-swithcing drugs and i dont notice any negative influence of my life but i dont remember like seriously 85% of these years!


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## Fadednjaded

i was a reckless punk at 15 skipped school everyday i popped e pills and sniffed fat lines of k but not anymore i back to good ol mary jane


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## not_broken_420

I got very fucked up at fifteen...thirteen, actually. I've always been responsible, but never pretentious. If I don't know enough about something, I research and ask people before I do it. I'd rather seem inexperienced than dead.


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## adder

I first got literally fucked up a few months before I turned 15.
I first got literally nodded out a few months before I turned 17.

I did mostly benzodiazepines in the middle. Nothing unusual or mind blowing if you get used to. Each day on something.


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## Boiling in Acid

oh yeah......... what would i do now to bring back these days.................


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## Arzi

I began drinking and smoking at twelve and haven't stopped until recently.

Although I never did either much until the last two years because I was tied up in sports and earning the almighty scholarship.

Then my knee blew and to make a long story short here I am today.


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## Smacklover

*ahhhh Glory Days*

I ran with the "wrong" crowd back at that tender age. My best friends drug of choice was fat speed ball. We'd shoot meth, coke, speedball and my sweet love lady H. At times we'd get a hold of LSD or mushrooms. 

I've seen galaxies collide right here on earth and realized the meaning of life on 6 hits of double dunked white blotter.

Alcohol and weed was ever present. 

Now that's more than half a lifetime ago now and the crew is dead, in prison or we simply fell out of touch when I got sober at 18 and started working in the shipyards. 

So yea I got fucked up at 15... really fucked up at times.


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## psychetool

Started smoking bud and taking pain pills right about then. Started drinking heavily (vodka screwdrivers) around 13.


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## ladyinthesky

i started to drink ata age 14 and i didnt stop until about 16 years old


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## intravenous

I od'd on heroin when I was 13. I was the epitomy of a young fuckwit who shouldn't have lived as long as he has.


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## 'medicine cabinet'

psychetool said:
			
		

> Started smoking bud and taking pain pills right about then. Started drinking heavily (vodka screwdrivers) around 13.



hah....me too man. i was 15 when i got my wisdom teeth pulled and got that first Rx for vicodens. they were the 7.5 kind too, i used to take like 2 of those things and be high as a kite, nodding out, itching....lol i remember thinking this is the best thing in the world. as i got older i started to get into drugs more, namely E and shrooms and coke, and more and more opiates. when i first tried an oxy 80 it was all over....i knew a kid that had just bought 5 full bottles of OC80's so i was able to get them for about 2 months. i had smoked weed pretty regularly since i was 16 and enjoyed it, but something about the opiates. it was like my brain was hardwired for opiates...

all my friends said quit while youre ahead, you will turn into a heorin addict one day...stupid me thought, ah fuck that, heroin is a dirty street drug....long story short and look at me now. spent 3 years trapped under the sweet finger of heroin and its addictive power.


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## suckmydrugs

*Dr. Johnson*

The whole entire point to this thread summed up in a quote would be:

*"Life is a pill which none of us can bear to swallow without gilding."*


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## Pretty_Diamonds

Popped my first roll at 15.


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## Fadednjaded

yeah from the time i was about 13-16 i was alot worse about what i consumed because i didn't really care about the effects it was taking on my body and other things


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## iameatingjam

14 is when I had my first sip of alcohol
by 15 I knew more about drugs than anyone else in my school ( not a big accomplishment actually, most people think shrooms make your brain bleed and that lsd is made from battery acid), had done many common recreational drugs quite a few of the uncommon ones. I consider myself experienced for my age. I've always done research but have still over indulged with the justification 'fuck it'. 
I'm still 15 by the way.


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## pot_head22

im going to be 15 in 3 months and i plan to get really fucked up on my bday haha


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## andyman1109

*An American Love Affair: Drugs and Success*

First off, wow, what a great thread. 

Anyway, looking at my past it's funny to me to see how much it seems I've sort of 'gone up the ladder' as it were.  It all began at around 13-14 with drinking.  I was a young punk-rocker and skateboarder and my group of friends and I were friends with this group that was like 18-20.  Some of them had a punk band and so did some of us, so we would play shows and go party afterwards with all of our friends.  Man, those were great times. 

I entered 9th grade with a new attitude about myself and life, realizing that trying to be too rebelious becomes a type of conformity it seemed, but thats neither here nor there.  I wound up smoking weed for the first time a little bit into ninth grade and began to love it.  I'd jet home from school and smoke and just chill and listen to music.  

This went on for a while, just chilling and partying, drinking and smoking.  Through this time though I still didn't smoke or want to smoke cigarettes.  Anyway, next came ecstasy, and wow, was that a change of pace.  One of my close friends tried it and could not stop talking about it.  He convinced me to try it and I was blown away.  Before long I had a new ritual.  My friend was selling E and it was always great quality, always the same price.  Each week, I'd get my paycheck on Friday, get a pill, get some weed and maybe some alcohol and chill (this was when I was 16).  

This went on for that middle and latter part of the 10th grade.  During that following summer came LSD and Mushrooms.  I've never really enjoyed mushrooms as much as LSD, but I still found both to be such incerdible experiences.  Acid truly showed me the truth about many things and I have had many great times on Acid.

So next came coke.  I first tried coke during my 11th grade year and enjoyed it much, although I soon realized I didn't enjoy it as much as some of my friends.  I dabbled in it here and there but the price and the comedown were a turnoff for me, it seemed the high just wasn't worth it, and when I tried crack sometime later, I decided this even more so.  I now only enjoy either at all when in combination with opiates, which were soon to come...

I have to slide xanax in here because they came sometime during my junior year.  I soon realized however, that with myself being an outgoing person as it is, when I drink and party on xanax, I became a madman.  Now, not in a bad way necessarily, but I just lost any and all inhibitions.  This resulted in me often stealing (albeit, usually successfully)or driving while heavily intoxicated or spending all my money on food or drugs or both.  Also, Adderall made its first apperance during my junior year.  I loved adderall because I've always been intelligent but I'm also pretty lazy, and I found adderall gave me the motivation I was looking for.  Some of my friends would take it in high doses to 'abuse' it but I never liked it in really high amounts, 30mg was fine for me. Take some before school and have a very productive day or before work and fly through it.

Then came opiates.  I don't remember my first experience, probably somewhere during my junior year.  I remember finding some Tussionex in my friend's fridge, downing what remained and feeling great.  I also liked to get Vicodins when I could.  Then one day my friend (actually the same friend who introduced me to E) obtained a 40mg OxyContin.  I was nervous at first, but he said to me, "Why? You're always wanting to get syrup or vicodins.  This is like that only better."  I crushed up and ate 10mg and before I had allowed it to kick in, I ate another 10 mg. Wow...  I felt amazing, then I puked, and felt even better.  I sat on my friend's couch and couldn't move.  He said to me, "How do you feel? You look like you're gonna fall asleep."  I said to him simply, "I couldn't fall asleep if I tried."  And thus began my love affair with opiates.  We could usually find Oxy's and would get them.  Also we would get Percs, Methadones, Morphine, Vikes.  I feel as though there have been two major steps during my journey with opiates.  The first happened when my same friend obtained an amazing connection for xanax and opiates, for cheap too.  Oh, happy days...  This went on for some time until the connect got cut off, which actually lead my friend to seek rehab for his xanax and opiate dependency.  The next came, when I was introduced to the needle.  I said I'd never do it, blah blah.  Yeah, there was also a time when I said 'I'll never smoke weed'.  For this reason, I say to people to 'never say never', because you just don't know.  Besides the rush, it just seemed like the best to conserve what I had.  Anyway, this lead to me first really enjoying heroin.  I had never really enjoyed it much snorting it, Oxy just seemed much better for the price.  And thus I entered the world of H.  This still wasn't even that good until we obtained a good H source, but we did and here I am.

Nowadays I stick mostly to opiates, adderall, weed, and alcohol(of course).  I dabble in xanax occasionally, LSD in the right situation, I'd love to find good E but it seems that it's just never good quality anymore, Mushrooms are not out of the question but very rare for me, and cocaine is rare also, maybe on a special occasion.  I'm open to new things, like I just tried 2c-i the other day, and I've still never tried meth, although I'm quite interested.  I've also tried a whole assortment of other Rx drugs like other benzos, stimulents, muscle relaxers, and things like whippets and cough syrup.  I started smoking cigarettes a little while after I got into Oxy because I loved smoking on opiates and it just developed from there.  I recently managed to get myself prescribed to adderall to help me with school, which was awesome.  I don't think I have ADD really, I'm just lazy and I know it, and so the adderall helps a lot.  I have no regrets with my drug history.  This is mostly because, although I've worried my parents a little bit, I haven't done any real harm to my family or my friends.  I currently enjoy a very healthy relationship with my family and I have a close group of friends that I love.  I had lots of friends in high school and had a blast.  I am presently a student at a prominent university and doing well.  The reason I say all this is just to help show that, as I'm sure you all know, you don't have to have 'problems' to do drugs.  I enjoy being and want to further be an example that you can enjoy drugs and be a contributing member of society.  Anyway, that's my love affair with drugs in a nutshell.  Peace.

I should add, however, that I am well aware of opiates and the power they posess.  I would urge anyone to be very careful and think and research before indulging in any of things listed here.  I've always been utterly fascinated with drugs and their effects on the mind, and thus always been somewhat well informed.  I also would be lying if I said I've been careful.  There is a very dark and sinister side to drugs if you aren't careful, and read some stuff in 'The Dark Side' forum if you think I'm lying.  Anyway, just had to put a little warning, would have felt irresponsible if I didn't.


----------



## mmmCHRISx

Im 15 now, just experimenting here and there, trying to stick to the mary-J. I do so while still mainting a 4.0


----------



## peterluber

Well, I think there are different types of people who use drugs at that age. I got drunk at 10, smoked pot and cigarettes at 11, used nitrous at 12, got caught for weed at 13, smoked weed daily at 14, as well as using amphetamines, opiates, and salvia, and by 15 was using LSD, mushrooms, MDMA, benzos, DXM, opiates, coke, amphetamines, meth, salvia, weed, nitrous, ketamine, RC's like 4-aco-dmt, DOx, 2C-B, etc, and more that I can't think of.

Although it seems like I really rushed into things, that wasn't the case. I've always known kids who were doing more 'hardcore' shit than me. These kids couldn't tell you anything about the shit they were taking, other than that it got them fucked up. My first forays into drugs at 10 and 11 were as naive and immature as those other kids. I continued drinking, but stayed away from pot for a few years. Then, I got to a point where I was genuinely interested in learning about drugs and experiencing them. I had a degree of confidence, but was never full of myself, and, with most of the heavy stuff, waited to try until I was confident they could be done safely. I have always been a relatively rational, intelligent, and mature person, which I don't have to prove on a message board. I am 16 now, and still use drugs occasionally, but much less frequently. I did not fall prey to any addictions or overdoses, and very low damage to my psyche and health. 

On the other hand, those kids who were naive and immature about it ended up with large cocaine habits, DUI's, going to rehab, etc.


----------



## MattPD

suckmydrugs said:
			
		

> The whole entire point to this thread summed up in a quote would be:
> 
> *"Life is a pill which none of us can bear to swallow without plugging*."*



*=edited section.

P.S. This quote has made me so sad that I'm going to write some goth poetry now..."My life is/a dark pit/of darkness..."

/wrists


----------



## dingercc

i first started drinking when i was 14 been drinking pritty much every weekend since (now 15) first tried weed when i was drunk didnt work so i tried it again and again then 1 of my mates whos been smoking pot since like 10 showed me the proper way then i got stoned for 1st time with him
then i fell inlove with the rave scence then i fell in love with ecstasy i was fasinated with it and had never tried it
so i night i got real drunk and i got offered a couple of pills so i thought id buy them then i swalloud them and loved the feeling and havnt gone back :0
xx


----------



## ActiveA

I really started illicit substances at 15. I had been drunk numerous times between 13 and 14 but I tried pot at 15.

Soon after i tried it I bought more pot, did mushrooms, had surgery and ended up playing with codeine and morphine for a little while and did Pethidine recreationally once. I tried LSD but passed out and missed the effects due to being trashed beyond measure. Started GHB at 16, did it first time on my School certificate graduation.

I plan to carefully work my way through the word of Psychedelics, I don't plan to touch heavy Opiates/Heroin/Meth for a long time, if ever.


----------



## DrGonzo899

i just did a dabble in drinking some liquor


----------



## mrs_mia_wallace

i started with coke when i was fifteen, then started going crazy with meth the month before my sixteenth birthday. fifteen i was fucked up mentally, a chain-smoker and def doing a lot of coke, but sixteen was when i really became addicted to amphetamines.


----------



## jackie jones

i was toking at thirteen. married opiates (demerol was the first) at fifteen.


----------



## Bomboclat

oh hell ya
it was all about partying for me! :D


----------



## tripmonkey505

i had been drinking and smoking all the time and doing pharms every now and then for a few years then.  i tried acid that year alot of shit changed for the better after that.


----------



## tripmonkey505

monkeewater said:


> *as long as u get money, do whatever the f""" u want!*



???


----------



## solvent101

wel im 16 atm but iwas geting high and drinking at 12 by 14 i was rolling quite abit and soon got well into ketamine when i was abit younger i was more of a mash head than now and had alot more older mates but they have all started to grow out of it a bit and spend more time in the pub but now im ocasional rolling if i can get good pills snif k every now and then and i went crazy last mushy season i wat to try acid and the 2cs my only halucigenic exp is mushrooms and lsa and san pedro ive found ket and nitrous is intense as fuck 2 i was rollin and keting 2gether alot id like to hear what you think youths and drugs i mean im hardly iresponsible my the best thing ive done is mushroooms and dabled with e and mushys


----------



## potsmokingmofo

Lol... I was smoking pot at 13 and drinking beer so I'd say yeah.


----------



## phactor

Just herb at that point, I think a little bit of alcohol and maybe a few pharms. 17 through 22 were when I was really really out of control


----------



## Thanatos

I started smoking bud right when i turned 13 and i was drinking beer well before that time. I only smoked like once a week at that time. As long as you can keep it under control without getting too high its all gravy.


----------



## bbygirlsaqueen1834

i've been smoking and drinking since 6th grade. im in 9th now. never been caught


----------



## Cyc

I hope everyone recognizes that the originator of this thread is an absolute legend. Don't ever forget that.


----------



## thadocta13

i started using at age 10. i was addicted to opiates and cocaine by age 12. :/ i'm 18 now and i regret alot of stuff i've done.


----------



## jamesmartin

I started weed at 15 and now im 16 i have done x acid shrooms dxm bzp crystal


----------



## Broken_LCD

Wow, these stories are awesome. Just makes me feel less alone in a way. Here's what I can remember of my story... 

Age 14 I met this girl around 24 years old I'm a lesbian so is she, we both liked each other. I would drink with her. My first drinking experience ever besides sipping wine at dinner or sneaking a beer was with her, a bottle of Kahlua. I really have avoided Kahlua since because of getting so sick and I'll probably never forget that taste for my entire life. Her mom also had back problems and would get tons of Perc's and never take them. So this girl would meet me, I would bring a ZipLock sandwich bag and she would pour the majority of the bottle in my bag for free. It was her gift to me. 

I honestly can't remember how our pill meetings even became... I don't remember if she told me they were amazing... if I said I wanted to try them... I'll never know. 

This changed me forever. I would take a 1/2 then a whole, then 2 at a time. I was only doing them at night that whole time though... which I'm still proud of myself for to this day. If only I could get that self control back, ugh. I would take the Perc and sit outside and listen to music until I couldn't take the mosquito's attacking me, I then would write/sketch, and fill up notebooks. I slept very little, and I loved that calm, awake, confident, music sounds better feeling. 

Fast forward to around 16- to present 21 years old. I started taking pills from my father's medicine cabinet. He had the good, good stuff. I was not only taking them, but trading them with him since I ended up being prescribed benzos, anti-psychotics, muscle relaxers, and ADD medication from the psych doctor. I wish I could give an exact age for some of this stuff, but I honestly can't remember what age I was when I first tried some of it. 

Age 17 I started drinking heavily. I met another girl and drinking was her thing. So we would get trashed on the weekends when I stayed over her house. I would give her mom the money and she would buy it for us, and I'd give her mom money for cigs and she would buy me those too. I used to get so sick when I first started drinking, I look back now and wonder, what the fuck was I thinking?

Even with all I was taking I still wanted more, I had a heavy Ativan, Valium addiction through college (which I need to get around to finishing). Buying Perc's and Oxy's at this point from people on campus and my friends on other campus'. In college doing large amounts of opiates and benzo's pretty much. Lots of Fentanyl. My father got the patches and he didn't like them so he would give them to me and I loved it. Actually did Fentanyl before I smoked weed. So much for that "gateway drug" bullshit. 

Somewhere in my 20's I did Ecstasy and got a piperazine instead. Haven't touched one since. My true love is opiates anyway, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on it. Knowing what I do I should have never done that pill, but I was so fucked up already and my mood was "fuck everything" so I took it and was extremely sick. I have never asked for death so many times and actually meant it. I just rode it out myself in my room and read up on here when I could focus to read. Never again though. 

All through the years my opiate use has continued, every so often I will give it a break and then pick it up again. Heroin and coke fit in there too. But the heroin didn't seem like such a big deal to me after all the Fent I did. The guy I did heroin with thought I was lying about ever having done it before because he gave me 2 bags at "least" and I wasn't nodding and didn't get sick, I was actually like hmm... I rather do my Fent. And coke was fun the first few times, but it got old at every party and quality is so hit and miss when you go to parties. I have never craved coke or tried to go crazy looking for it you know. Different story with the opiates. 

Now I'm 21 and on disability for PTSD and bi-polar, had some extremely awful shit go down, seems like life isn't letting up anytime soon. Still use drugs as that magical crutch I found years ago. I used to say I just wanted to use different things for the experience, but now it seems like I'm more than set in my ways about this... how I'm strictly opiates the past year. I am prescribed Adderall but I rarely take it anymore. I have yet to touch acid, or shrooms. Part of me used to care that I hadn't tried those things, and now I'm just content with my opiates. I don't care if I ever try them. I don't know if that means I'm getting old, or what...


----------



## amber_dawn

i smoked pot and got drunk, but that was it. And rarely at that, like sometimes on weekends or occasionally after school, maybe 2-3 times a month! I was a "bad kid" too, getting in trouble at school, bad grades, dressed weird, etc.....i just wasn't that into it! Plus I was kind of a loner and didn't have much of a connection.

I didn't start using anything else until I was 19.


----------



## hyroller

haha - even though this thread is a decade old, it still bears a hell of a lot of relevance to the present day!

I was one of those 'responsible' BLers who waited until their 20s to begin experimenting. Been through the ringer of the drug habit spectrum, and here I am, imparting my knowledge. Still!

If we don't tell the newbies, then who will? Someone must. And it gets no less fulfilling as time goes on......


----------



## infestedpasta

I smoke pot, did mushrooms, acid. and rolled once at 13...


----------



## Pillthrill

I was a good kid actually. I did smoke weed until I was 18 years old.


----------



## zurichsb

I grew up around drugs, when i was 3-6 yrs oldest my brother would smoke pot around me because I always wanted to hang with him and his friends. While I dont remember it very well im sure it was vital in developing my attitude towards drugs. From about 10-13 my older brother would smoke pot around me with his friends. I was always curious to try it and couldnt wait for the day to come. Also when I was around 8 or 9 my mother got arrested for herion possesion in front of me. It made me never want to try anything hard.

Around 13 I started smoking weed with my best friend and we loved it. I was always popular and succesful as a kid but had hidden insecruity issues that weed made disapper. I always said I wouldnt try anything unnatural. When I was 14 I tried a zanax for the first time and had my first drinks. Both were okay but I preferred to smoke pot. When I was 15 in freshman year the craziness began. For the first half of the year I didnt smoke much because of a gf but after we broke up I started blazing everyday. I also started to drink more and go to parties. I tried ectasy and acid within two weeks of each other. I also liked both alot but didnt start using them frequently till I was around 17. I never went out of control with any of my drug use and felt I was very informed about my choices and researched substances online. It gave me a confidence when using drugs.

16 was the same shit smoking lots of weed and drinking sometimes. Other occasional drugs. I think I tried coke and vics for the first time at this age. But my drug usage was pretty steady and non abusive of anything. When I was 17 I started selling weed and zanax to make some ectra cash. I was popping zanaxs frequently. I also tried snorting and smoking oxy for the first time and I loved it. But I fell out with this friends and then started doing lots of coke. I enjoyed the blow but was never really developed an addiction for it. The crowd i was chilling with just used it alot. I layed off the coke and started doing oxy again. I loved it, everything in life was good school, money, social life. I thought I was too smart to ever get sucked into the dark side of drugs. From late 17- 19 my opiate addiction went into overdrive. I began using everyday snorting large quantities. For a long time I made it work so I was convinced I didnt have problems. My father found out and sent me to rehab. I was still convinced I didnt have problems. 9 months ago my life began to fall apart. I lost my job and just hustled all day to make money. Relationship was falling apart. I tried shooting. 7 months ago I got clean. I relapsed 3 weeks ago for a couple days. 

Now I dont regret using drugs as a young kid but it did give me a cocky attitude towards drugs. I thought I was so smart and crafty. That I could use without consequnces because it worked for so long. So to young kids who want to try using I say be smart and respect drugs. Expermintation isnt bad and can provide lots of good experinces. Remember though that drugs are powerful and devious. They will creep up on you without you seeing a thing. Be smart and safe and have fun!


----------



## BananasAndOranges

pills,weed,coke,and dope


----------



## Tweak Thizz

When I was 15 I was experimenting with A LOT of drugs, one day me and my friend double dropped 2 pokes, got super baked, got drunk, then I tried Meth for my first time at the end. Needless to say, fucked up with insomnia wasn't fun


----------



## Sizzurp!

i first started smoking weed in the 6th grade, and started popping pills in the 8th grade so id say yes.


----------



## LSDMDMA&AMP

8f grade? Tried bud then..at 15..mostly bud and some pillz. this year (about..just gonna turn 17 in a few days ) while 16 i tried rolls, acid, shrooms, speed, 2C-E, 2C-T-2, 5-meo-DMT..


----------



## nolys

i started rolling when i was 13, by the time i was 14 id tried mdma, speed, weed, alcohol, butane , coke (when i was 15), 2-cb (i think was in one of the pills i took, not too sure though) and some codeine. Im only 17 now and that has slowed wayy down. in the past 6 months all ive did is alcohol (weekly), mephedrone (twice) and weed a couple of times.
Ive wised up a lot and the experemental stage is pretty much over :/

Although 13-15 were probably the most fun years ill ever have in my life, especially with the quality of mdma that was readily available


----------



## Eddygunz

flux said:


> I've always had a little love-affair with self loathing. There have been points in my life when I've worked really hard at it, often very successfully.
> 
> I was never a very happy little kid. My classmates were incredibly snotty, and I was never willing to compromise any of my wishes or personality "flaws" to make friends at school. Instead, I sat there, waited for the end of the day, and ignored my classmates ignoring me. Granted, if I now went to school with little-flux, _I_would probably ignore me too. I was a weird little kid, but whatever. Moving on.
> 
> So I became kind of withdrawn. I had a few friends outside of school - but even so, I got spacey, and sad. I don't even remember much of elementary school. I remember a few key moments, and other than that I just have a vague recollection that I stared out of the window most of the time, and cried at home every day afterwards. It got better in middle school, but not much. I never really expected myself to make friends, and therefore never really tried to do it.
> 
> I guess you would say my turning point was 8th grade (I'm going to start getting to the point....maybe
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ). In eighth grade I discovered how much fun hating myself could really be. And I threw all my energy into that. I hung out with loser-punk-assholes, I wore a lot of black, I cut myself, I drank, I never raised the blinds in my room. I worked very hard at being sad. I was almost proud of the sickly, empty depressed feeling I managed to maintain for nearly 2 years. A lot of it probably had to do with the fact that I stopped eating almost completely.
> 
> I can't really tell you how that started. I can't even say if I ever even _had_an eating disorder. I had the symptoms of one for about 2 years. But I've never really been sure as to how much of it was anorexia, and how much of it was me trying in a bizarro way to hate myself more than I did. I genuinely remember thinking "Hey, an anorexic would do it like this, girl. Remember how you read it? You'd better get back on track if you wanna get this thing." *Sigh* I don't understand it at all.
> 
> Nevertheless, I did a reasonably good job at acquiring whatever parts of the disease I could. I constructed a bizarre network of weird rituals, I counted my ribs daily, I cut my food into teenytiny pieces before I would even think about putting it in my mouth....Hell, I even had a belt that I would wear tightly around my stomach. You know that full, press-on-the-pants feeling you get after Thanksgiving? My stomach pressed on my belt after only three small bites of yogurt or celery or whatever the hell I was eating. That's how I knew I was full....Bleah, I'm going off subject here.
> 
> I did a good job. God, I _should_have. I mean, I would stay up at night and research. I had stacks and stacks of books, and would take every case study as possible tips....In any case, by December in 8th grade, I was most definitely wasting away. I was down to about 95 pounds and would faint weekly. I had constructed the perfect empty-depressed-hole for myself and I loved it.
> 
> Somehow I got out of it, don't really know how. I just started eating a little more one day, and slowly my eating became fairly normal. I'm willing to admit that I'm still a little disappointed in myself, sadly enough.
> 
> Nevertheless, that didn't mean that I got out of my happy-when-depressed funk. And a while after the eating disorder _thing_, I discovered drugs.
> 
> Not to say that I've ever had any huge drug problems. I haven't. I had a period where I wouldn't even get out of bed with out chemical assistance from amphetamines, but they're _amphetamines_for Christ's sake. So, no, I would never say that I had any real problems....Still, I managed to recreate some of the same feelings tht I got from not eating with drugs. The shitty, empty feeling. I feel justified coming down from things. It's somehow right that I should feel so awful. I like being e-pressed. I like comming down from a long acid trip and seeing how bland, and ugly, and colorless the world is and hating it, I like the feeling I get after tweaking too long and too hard and being the last one up and knowing that I did a great job at killing all the cartilage in my nose and that I lost that 10 pounds because of _me_and my unhealthy drug habits. I enjoy being a smoker. I enjoy not feeding myself well(in a non-anorexic way....I think). I....well, you get what I'm trying to say.
> 
> Yeah, I'm a little smarter now than I was in 8th grade. Or maybe I just like myself more. Cuz as much as I would have liked it, I never developed a real drug problem. Bizarre as that may sound to most of you, hopefully some of you will get it.
> Glad that's off my chest.
> 
> ------------------
> Those who find ugly meaning in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. flux@bluelight.ru
> [This message has been edited by flux (edited 22 June 2000).]






Wow you sound like you have some sriouse problems, maybe you need a phsychiarist.  SWIM started getting high on weed, and drinking lightly with friends at about 12-13, but when SWIM did it it was for the fun of it.  SWIM used to smoke a joint of shwag with freinds and laugh his ass off for hours.  Did shrooms a few times, but cant do them anymore Cause of too Much things on SWIM'S mind  But SWIM'S fave drug of choice are opiates, they just make swim feel so productive, and happy.  He is encuraged to do everything he need to do during the day, even workout and play sports, so they are a wonder drug for SWIM, SWIM have a mild case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and all the dick doctors HE'S been to never give him the Benzo's that will actually do the job right, so Opiates and xanax and valium from the streets are a life saver.  Too bad opiats are soooo addicting, but good thing SWIM has a good reliable source so SWIM is always prepared. 40 and 60 OXY's, Xanax bars, valium, klonopin, perc, vicodin, and oh so many other goodies half off of street prices!


----------



## Eddygunz

Wow you sound like you have some sriouse problems, maybe you need a phsychiarist. SWIM started getting high on weed, and drinking lightly with friends at about 12-13, but when SWIM did it it was for the fun of it. SWIM used to smoke a joint of shwag with freinds and laugh his ass off for hours. Did shrooms a few times, but cant do them anymore Cause of too Much things on SWIM'S mind But SWIM'S fave drug of choice are opiates, they just make swim feel so productive, and happy. He is encuraged to do everything he need to do during the day, even workout and play sports, so they are a wonder drug for SWIM, SWIM have a mild case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and all the dick doctors HE'S been to never give him the Benzo's that will actually do the job right, so Opiates and xanax and valium from the streets are a life saver. Too bad opiats are soooo addicting, but good thing SWIM has a good reliable source so SWIM is always prepared. 40 and 60 OXY's, Xanax bars, valium, klonopin, perc, vicodin, and oh so many other goodies half off of street prices!


----------



## narky1

My 2 cents,

I started getting high at 14 mostly on weed and LSD and would take trips every weekend, at 15 I discovered the joys of old skool ecstasy and also regluarly took amph this would also become an every weekend thing, at 16 I tried coke still carried on taking E till was about 21 but then coke took over and became my mainstay of use alongside weed, 22 years later Iam still with the coke although I can dabble in MDMA once in a blue moon, but today Iam a coke,alcohol,weed and benzo man most definately.


----------



## mymindisgoo

when i was 14, no one ever told me that i shouldnt snort a percocet and xanax together, let alone a perc. so i did, and i stayed away til i was 18 (i was smoking, shrooming and coking with the later two more occasionally than the former)


----------



## Mr_Fluffykins

by 14 i was drinking, and smoking weed, you can get fucked up on both of thoose,

by 15 i was doing E a few times and doing shrooms

by 16 i was dong a shit tonne of E

by 17 i had tried coke,


----------



## CA MMJ

13: Tried pot for the first time
14: started smoking pot regularly, Got slightly addicted to thizz for a year
15: No more thizz, total pothead, got my cannabis card (thanks mom!), drank a lot, smoked cigs alot
16: Mellowed out, realized all these hard drugs (including alcohol and cigs) were pretty shitty, stuck with weed, and the occasional drink/occasional opiate/occasional psychadelic.


Went to a dark, dark place when I was drinking, poppin thizz, and smoking cigarettes. I could almost feel my body getting more and more unhealthy before my eyes.


Been very happy since I quit all that bullshit and stuck with more hippy shit


----------



## psykoman

i had just started to smoke soild (really cheap hash) when i was 15 and then things continued from there. ive prob tried everything in the main stream and a hell lot of research chems now i allways used the try anything once line aswell


----------



## psykoman

i had just started to smoke soild (really cheap hash) when i was 15 and then things continued from there. ive prob tried everything in the main stream and a hell lot of research chems now i allways used the try anything once line aswell


----------



## Panabol

Had never even been drunk when I was 15.. and here i am haha


----------



## likeakite

The moral of the story is.....Dont do drugs. Some of the people posting really need them and some of them wish they could be drug free.Try Mary Jane and stick with that. Good Luck!!!


----------



## Octarine

*Sorry, this is fkn long*

I used to be completely anti-drug, believing every bit of propaganda taught to me in school, but at fifteen was when I began becoming interested in experimenting with drugs..  I was first curious about ecstasy as I've heard several different stories from older friends and other crazy opinions on TV, and the internet, I had to find out for myself lol.  I decided to try weed first as I thought X may be too intense for a first drug interaction. I tried cannabis for the first time at the end of my 10th year of high school. I got completely ripped off my face and was loving every moment, I said I was done with pot but I knew it wasn't going to be the last time I smoked up.. 

About two weeks after I smoked pot, and did some research, I felt I was ready to try E. After my first X experience my life was changed forever, I was shot into this world of bliss, all I wanted to do was party, and be with my friends. I wanted to share this experience and inform people of the truths of drugs, never to pressure one to indulge, but to always inform and reduce harm when in the situation. I never tried anything without researching first, and was always the kid to ask about drugs, whatever the substance, people would call asking about dosage,what not to mix, etc. 

My interest in drugs grew immensely, at 16 I fell into the world of psychedelics, and I found a new love for experimenting. As I grew older my trips became more intense, I no longer was taking drugs to "feel high" or "fucked up" but to rather redefine myself. I had gained a new respect for drugs, having  many powerful experiences and constantly learning things about myself, I was growing socially, and beginning to be the person I truly believe I'm supposed to be.

Though I was becoming a new person, my grades began to slip and I lost an interest in attending class, I began thinking of how much I dislike the system and wanting to find alternate ways around it. I knew I was an intelligent kid, and could do  the school work, but the idea of sitting in a classroom for hours killed me. I got heavy into pot, smoking it every day (still continues habitually), and eventually started going to school every other day, probably 2/5 days if anything. 

I love mary jane but I let her get to close, and allowed her to take over my life. I would sometimes stay home just to get high, I loved the feeling of being free to do what I wanted, but I never realized the impact pot is/was having on me. I was ALWAYS procrastinating, skipping classes to hang out with my girlfriend, to smoke spliffs with buddies, and generally being unproductive when it came to school.

Now I'm in my grade 12 year,  feeling stuck, realizing how much I fucked up, and unsure what I'm doing career wise. I'm discovering new interests, talents and are coming up with solutions to get me out of this 'hole' I'm in. Yesterday I decided to take a lengthy break from pot as I know it's the one thing slowing me down.

So yes I did get "fucked up" at fifteen, I expected to only try ecstasy and weed.. Experimenting was all my choice, my personal interest and its brought me to be the person I am today.  I'm 17, an open-minded pothead, an overall genuine and friendly person, with a long list of drug use (LSD,shrooms,coke,DMT, and the list goes ononononon). I don't regret these experiences as it's made me the independent individual I am, drugs have opened my mind and has allowed me to discover new ways of thinking. I just let things get to my head, and it constantly feels like I'm 'too late' but I know I'm not. I have desire to succeed and pursue my dreams, but without balance I know Ill just keep getting deeper into this 'hole' I created.

I find it weird how I was always the one informing others of drugs and how to be safe, when I never realized the strong impact it was having on my own life.

Sorry this was mega long, thanks to whoever actually read it, just seen the thread and needed to comment hah


----------



## Thomas29

I got fucked up at age 12 beat that!


----------



## Psyke

Started drinking rum at 12, got pretty hammered, didn't go too overboard though  (still drink too this day, now overboard)

Started smoking the chronic at 13, still smoke everday to this day

First tripped mushrooms, HARD, at age 14. Completely forgot who i was or what my name was but i believe this trip was very beneficial. Haven't tripped that hard up to this day

Mixed Somas and alcohol in large amounts when i was 14. Somas are 1 motherfucking dollar apiece in mexico so it was hard not to...

Did Salvia at 14 too, but who cares

First rolled when i was late 15, early 16 i think? I have only rolled 3 times since then (months apart) and now i never roll.

Did acid first when i was 16, multiple times. good fun.  Also, opium.

Did coke once when i was 17, Haven't done it since and don't plan too.

Copious amounts of jwh-018 throughout my 17th year as well.

Im 18 now and the only drugs i'm really interested in are psychedelics. LSD, LSA, Shrooms, Salvia, 2c-x, etc.  Just graduated Highschool a couple of months ago and am looking forward to getting some San pedro for Xmas.       XD


^This is mild to some of the kids i know/hang out around. I know people that started smoking cigarettes AT 8. Cigarettes at fucking 8? and then weed at 9 and so forth.... gross


----------



## TheYoungOne

I used to be the textbook anti-drug teen, I believed every word they told me in all of those ridiculous school drug courses I had sit through. Then when I was fourteen, I discovered rock n' roll. 

I don't quite remember how it started but I read Slash's autobiography and that was it for me, all the tales of drugged up happiness and rock-stardom changed me. That's when I sparked an interest in weed, tried it and have been smoking everyday since. I never did like cigarettes though, I don't like the taste.

And from then on I started doing more and more different kinds of drugs, DXM, codeine, salvia, alcohol, and just recently morphine (which is now my drug of choice). For some reason I haven't managed to get my hands on any psychedelics. I also took up the guitar which has been my true passion since the day I first strummed the chords to smoke on water.

This was all not so long ago, as I am only 15, however I am making an effort not to be the grammar impaired stereotype of the young bluelighter I have just leaned about. Experience knows no age, I like to say.


----------



## STEEN

Ritalin at 6 abusing rit at 10 Alcohol at 10 pot at 12 nitrous at 13
Street speed mushrooms at 15 mdma crystals at16


Heavy e user drinker and pot smoker now.


----------



## *ShEs*SoOo*DiPpEd*

First smoked weed @ 11.- Smoked cigarettes without inhaling and got shitty drunk for tha 1st time (MD20/20 will still kicc my ass 2day!) @ 12.- Did WAY 2 fucin much @ 13... Started drinkin liquor, not good shit but da nasty shit like Gin, E&J, & SoCo. Stole liquor from mom & went 2 da store before school almost every day 2 steal as much Cisco, thunderbird, nitetrain, md20/20, special brew, 211, oldE, and any other nasty shit that got us fuct up fast as we culd. Had my first dxm trip with 1 bottle of robo & 1 fat ass blunt 2 myself,we called it "green eggs n ham" lol. Popt my 1st tube of "Dramamines" (motion-sicness pills) I think that was 8 pills, maybe 10, we called that the "slow-motion sicness" lol Were we tha only 1s that had dumb ass names for our dumb ass drugs! Took my first dose of "coriceedin" thought I shud do it big so I took 16. Did coke, morphine, perks, vics, caffine pills, sleeping pills and huffed sum shit 1 time but I had no idea wut it was.-@ 14 I did meth 4 da 1st time -@15 I smoked pcp 4 da first time & been a damn Wethead ever since! Lol J/K... Real shit tho  PCP is 1 drug you shud never use on a daily basis, you will literally feel yourself getin dumber & dumber every day. I know ALOT of people who havent even turnt 21 yet, but are already "damp" 4 life (permanently-wet).
All that b4 my 16th birthday, my mom clearly needed 2 whop my ass more often!!! At least I managed to hold onto my virginity until I was 17 ; ) Thats also wen I 1st tried X and I think thats last on my list...


----------



## a7xlover

> I used to be the textbook anti-drug teen, I believed every word they told me in all of those ridiculous school drug courses I had sit through. Then when I was fourteen, I discovered rock n' roll.
> 
> I don't quite remember how it started but I read Slash's autobiography and that was it for me, all the tales of drugged up happiness and rock-stardom changed me. That's when I sparked an interest in weed, tried it and have been smoking everyday since. I never did like cigarettes though, I don't like the taste.
> 
> And from then on I started doing more and more different kinds of drugs, DXM, codeine, salvia, alcohol, and just recently morphine (which is now my drug of choice). For some reason I haven't managed to get my hands on any psychedelics. I also took up the guitar which has been my true passion since the day I first strummed the chords to smoke on water.
> 
> This was all not so long ago, as I am only 15, however I am making an effort not to be the grammar impaired stereotype of the young bluelighter I have just leaned about. Experience knows no age, I like to say.



Fuck man, Slash's autobiography also changed my life, I'm 14, i picked up the guitar, recently i practiced 6 hours in one day, my dad is a weed smoker/grower so i can get some easy; though i haven't tried it yet, but every now and then me and my dad will just get drunk as fuck together, recently i drunk 6 and a half beers in about an hour on an empty stomach, passed out on solid concrete, then my loving dad got me up and made me sober up = no hangover.

fuck i love my dad 
he even taught me to roll a joint, he said:
"Its better i teach you this rather than some bro down the street who's gonna pump you full of heroin"
^^ little does he know i want to try heroin anyway. safely of course.

EDIT: when i say safely for heroin i mean "safest" because i understand no drug is completely "safe", nothing seems to be safe these days, regardless of what it is. -.-


----------



## ThatGuyWeAllKnow

the first time i got high i was 3, i was SO high on some sort of benzo or  somes shit that i passed out.  .....one of my moms friends did that to me so she could rape me.    does this count as being high?


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## benzomainia

12. smoked pot for the first time and started smoking cigs
14.started smoking pot and drinking regularly
15.started to try pills adderall,codine stuff like that
16.still smoked and drank went into this stage that all pills wer horrible and so was coke n whatnot
17.same as 16 but was doing sum methadome
18. all i did was party smoked pot so much i didnt even really get high anymore,did coke,tons of pills, became addicted to benzo's as i still am i love them,i overdosed quite afew times


----------



## dvkerner96

im 14 and i get fucked up every weekend. but i still maintain a good lifestyle with good grades, lots of friends, girlfriends, and i play in sports. i guess drugs dont have a bad effect on me


----------



## SpecialK_

I wasn't interested in drugs until the age of 14, but during the year that I discovered weed I tried everything I could get my hands on. Basically everything that I was interested in. After that I found the drugs I had the most enjoyment out of (psychedelics + MDMA + benzos) and cut down my drug use.


----------



## shishigami

I first started smoking 8 months ago and have since then tried 4-AcO-DMT, Acid, Salvia, Ketamine, Shrooms, DMT, 4-HO-MPT and a few more. I didn't do diddly squat at 15 'cept for the occasional beer at dinner.


----------



## whataboutheforests

I first smoked weed when I was 15, freshmen year of highschool.  I got drunk for the first time shortly after trying weed, so yeah, I was getting fucked up when I was 15.  That's really it though, I didn't try a single other drug until I got to college pretty much.  I'm kind of glad in a way that I waited so long to start experimenting with drugs.


----------



## Vevnard

yea still going strong,Had to lose the booze though,Dont miss it though,creeps up on ya then owns ya
in the end started at 14 still kicken at 52.Do your research on everything you use,tends to make one use wiser choices.Wish a had not fucked up my education,although I am a successful executive chef.Everyone finds there own path in the end.Dont fuck any one over is  my motto in life. Stay Well


----------



## Slash5331

*Fucked up at 15?*

hey guys.  I saw a thread like this quite a while ago and it looked quite interesting, i can't find it anymore so i thought i'd start a new one.

So guys, how was your life at 15?

A bit about me:

I'm 15, I play guitar, have a relatively high level of fitness and go to a good school.
But, that's probably just luck.

I basically have two lives, the good life and the other life.
When I was just 14 I read Slash's autobiography, and from that point on I thought "Fuck It, You only live once" so from that point on I had the live fast die young attitude to life.  I had one friend who was basically exactly the same as me. We would wag classes, go shoplifting, scream out "Fuck You" as loud as we could at random strangers, Sneak out at night, smoke weed, break into cars, knock on peoples' doors and run (leaving a smoke bomb at the door), get into fights with absolute strangers, egg houses, spit on randoms, egg cars, pour gasoline in a line across the road and ignite it when a car was coming.
At this point in my life I was also looking to try harder drugs such as Heroin and Meth.  Eventually the thing that got both my mate and I expelled from High School was the theft of a Macbook Pro laptop, which happened to be sitting on a table at school. (We were caught because the guy we sold it to got busted.)

These days I've settled down a bit haha, Just the occasional hit of weed, cigarettes and alcohol.  Plus something "Fun" every now and then but nothing too extreme.  Just setting the neighbors driveway on fire with gasoline, egging cars and ding-dong-ditching houses sorta thing.


This story will probably pale in comparison to others, but hey, you never know.

How was your life at fifteen?


----------



## LSDMDMA&AMP

are you american slash?
how the fuck havent you been arrested, even I've been arrested before...
i was at 15, but i was smoking teh reefer once in a while at 13, tried hydrocodone at 13, would steal random pills at 14, 16 (AND A HALF..) is when i got into using amphetamines often [well the phets it was around when i turned 16...] and tried psyches, MDMA, and other related drugs.
at 15 i tried OC, ativan/klonopin/benzos, and codeine prometh syrup


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## ravaged_eden

Yeah, I think I started partying by the time I was 12 or 13 and by the time I was 15 I was snorting and smoking hard drugs (hadn't banged yet though, not til 16.) Not hugely uncommon in my area. Don't party nearly that hard these days, trying to act a little more like a grownup.


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## brimz

dvkerner96 said:


> im 14 and i get fucked up every weekend. but i still maintain a good lifestyle with good grades, lots of friends, girlfriends, and i play in sports. i guess drugs dont have a bad effect on me



yet !


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## InvisibleEye

At 15 I was very much into weed and psychedelics. We used to go hiking in the mountains while on shrooms and spent the entire day there. I have great memories of those times.


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## jasper kent

7  first cigarette
11 first alcohol
12 first marijuana, huffing paint/gas
14  pack-a-day smoker, daily pot, occasional drunk, first acid
15  pot 3X daily, occasional pills, coke, acid, PCP
16  weekend drunk, tried everything I'll_ ever _try except heroin
25  first IV use(hard to believe, I know!), first heroin
28  first rehab

In my life I've tried probably 300+ psychoactive chemicals and abused 30+ of them. Been addicted to several.

The one drug that has caused _far more damage _in every way _than all the others combined:_ 









alcohol


----------



## mrflowers00

i used to drink on weekends when i was 7


----------



## jasper kent

mrflowers00 said:


> i used to drink on weekends when i was 7



We may have partied together.


----------



## Fire&Water

My first smoke (besides Mexi) @ age 15...
Panama Red    (enough said)


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## mrflowers00

it's sad how hard it is to find real panama red in cali even though we are like the weed capital of the world it seems to have been lost with the times but when i still liked cannabis P red was definitely one of the favs


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## thadocta13

Since this seems like a pissing contest, time for my piss.

I tried my first cig at age 5. Started drinking at age 10 like every weekend when I stayed at my mom's (custody bullshit). Started using drugs at 12:weed, cigs, coke, vicodin, methadone (highest ever on opioids[fresh receptors=no tolerance]). Age 14 was the age I tried the most drugs, MDMA, cough syrup, benzos, opiates, psilocybin. Age 15 I graduated to the needle. I was a very bad kid. Drugs are just the tip of the iceberg when it came to my adolescence.


----------



## RTrain

14 started drinking on weekends and weed occasionally. 15, started smoking weed regularly getting into hard drugs. Tried LSD, shrooms, multiple opiates, multiple benzos, coke, and MDMA all by 16. But aside from the benzos I never did any of those things more than on the occasional weekend adventure, mainly due to availability and money limitations. (not including how I got heavy into opiates over the past 3 years). I had a brother 3 years older and became friends with most of his friends, that tends to give you more options at a younger age. 

I will say I researched everything I did beforehand typically via Erowid. I was not a "throw it in front of me and I'll do it" kind of person. I also have never had a drug related emergency, maybe freaked out a bit on shrooms once or twice, but otherwise no ODs or horrific experiences. As far as I am concerned, there is no age at which a person is considered a responsible drug user. And 18 is an arbitrary age set by the government to decide you are an adult, but no means the age at which you are mature and responsible. Most of it comes down to common sense, some people lack that. The simple idea of you can always take more but can't take less is lost on people very often. Also the underestimation of the power drugs can have on you, basing it on others being able to appear "normal" on it and how much other people can do as justification for _you_ being able to match that.


----------



## badfish45

I came on Bluelight at 15 smoking weed everyday and tripping on DXM and drinking. Im 17 now and Ive learned a lot about a life I was about to get lost going down. Ive been a moderator on here and it sure as hell taught me a thing or two. I think Bluelight has saved many our age who come here.

Any new drugs Im interested in trying, this is my first stop.


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## mrflowers00

almost everyone i know started to use at 14 at the latest is that uncommon for my generation i'm 24 generation Rx


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## lovegluegunnin

I started smoking weed when I was 15. I'm 16 now, and I misuse Adderall on occasion. I'm not out of control though, I'm as smart as someone possibly can be when taking more than a recommended dose.


----------



## badfish45

^ Be really careful. You have no idea how many people I saw fall off the  deep end within a year when it comes to amphetamines. If you do some research on here, you will see people reporting the confidence they felt with their use and how it subtly all slipped away. They are crazy addictive and deceptive drugs.


----------



## lovegluegunnin

badfish45 said:


> ^ Be really careful. You have no idea how many people I saw fall off the  deep end within a year when it comes to amphetamines. If you do some research on here, you will see people reporting the confidence they felt with their use and how it subtly all slipped away. They are crazy addictive and deceptive drugs.



Thank you for the concern, and I'll be as careful as I possibly can be.


----------



## flyhighk

My most fucked up experience at 15 was dimenhydrinate abuse. 550mg. It was hilarious! And I still plan on getting fucked up before turning 16. I use drugs recreationally once every two months on average.


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## badfish45

^ Definitely dont be taking that stuff man. You see some crazy shit.


----------



## smokedup

i didnt go to high school, i went to school high


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## TheSacredTree

I actually abstained from all drugs until i was 17, well, it was actually 3 weeks before my 18th birthday, and that was just last November. And if i remember correctly, my first experience ever was with a can of pressurized air (the kind to get dust off a computer). Then the day after that came my second experience ever and that was some Xanax i took out of the medicine cabinet. I then waited 2 month to try anything else (hated the inhalants, LOOOOVED the Xanax) until i was 18 and that was some super dank bud. I'm now 18 and on a bucket list to try every common drug by the end of this year (except for tobacco which i will never try in my whole life). 

Yep kids, drugs are a quick spiral downwards. 3 months of use and i already have plans for meth, something i would've said i'd never try if i was asked a year ago. Oh well, it's life i guess. We're all destined to experiment.


----------



## badfish45

I look back and cant tell if marijuana made me more or less depressed as a teen. Suppose I will never know now.


----------



## WantToBeReborn

TheSacredTree said:


> I actually abstained from all drugs until i was 17, well, it was actually 3 weeks before my 18th birthday, and that was just last November. And if i remember correctly, my first experience ever was with a can of pressurized air (the kind to get dust off a computer). Then the day after that came my second experience ever and that was some Xanax i took out of the medicine cabinet. I then waited 2 month to try anything else (hated the inhalants, LOOOOVED the Xanax) until i was 18 and that was some super dank bud. I'm now 18 and on a bucket list to try every common drug by the end of this year (except for tobacco which i will never try in my whole life).
> 
> Yep kids, drugs are a quick spiral downwards. 3 months of use and i already have plans for meth, something i would've said i'd never try if i was asked a year ago. Oh well, it's life i guess. We're all destined to experiment.



Slow down, enjoy the ride....


----------



## TheSacredTree

WantToBeReborn said:


> Slow down, enjoy the ride....



It's so hard to slow down though. Lol.


----------



## WantToBeReborn

TheSacredTree said:


> It's so hard to slow down though. Lol.



Yeah, but you don't want to be jumping onto hard stuff after a matter of months of starting drug use, at your young age. Honestly, take it easy. You play with fire, you get burnt. What you do now does have consequences for the rest of how your life turns out. We are not "destined" to start taking the hard stuff straight off the bat, that's the mindset of compulsivity talking, rather than the profoundly important recognition that you DO have a choice and free will, for now. 

Hard drugs damage the big reward centres and motivation centres, etc, in the brain over time and free will is eroded as physical and mental dependence, addiction and desperate sickness occurs. Don't choose this road. Slow down, enjoy the less habit forming and damaging stuff by all means, but don't fuck up your life by rushing in blindly. 

Read, read, read.


----------



## TheSacredTree

WantToBeReborn said:


> Yeah, but you don't want to be jumping onto hard stuff after a matter of months of starting drug use, at your young age. Honestly, take it easy. You play with fire, you get burnt. What you do now does have consequences for the rest of how your life turns out. We are not "destined" to start taking the hard stuff straight off the bat, that's the mindset of compulsivity talking, rather than the profoundly important recognition that you DO have a choice and free will, for now.
> 
> Hard drugs damage the big reward centres and motivation centres, etc, in the brain over time and free will is eroded as physical and mental dependence, addiction and desperate sickness occurs. Don't choose this road. Slow down, enjoy the less habit forming and damaging stuff by all means, but don't fuck up your life by rushing in blindly.
> 
> Read, read, read.



Yeah, that is really good advice. I definitely have been doing hours of research before trying out any drug. Reading every experience report on Erowid, reading a bunch of posts on here, researching each aspect of everything necessary in the process of taking it (optimum smoking methods, overdoses, side effects, routes of administrations, proper brews, drug interactions). And then i always start at the lowest dose for the first time to test allergies and similar possible issues. But i agree even doing that i am rushing the whole "bucket list" thing a bit. Really what i'm trying to accomplish with it all is to be able to determine which drugs i enjoy the most and which ones i really don't like so i can really make my decision on my "drugs of choice" that i'll continue to enjoy for the rest of my life. But i'm definitely being as careful as i can with all of them while still being able to gain my experiences. 

And i do plan on really limiting my ability to become addicted to the more addictive ones with buying in really small amounts so even if i do want to continue with them, i won't have the ability to even do so because i'll have run out by the time i want more. Then i would have to order more and in that week i'm waiting for the supply to get in, i would most likely have talked myself out of it knowing an addiction could easily begin.


----------



## dwamn

i started cannabis alcohol and cigs at 5


----------



## sean107

Started getting fucked up at 12.


----------



## zzITCHY420zz

I lost my marbles at an early age..


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## penpal

I started smoking here and there when I was 14. It was a slow start until i met the wrong people which was around when I was 16. By then I was getting wasted daily, smoking a O in less than a week and popping any kind of pill I could get my hands on. Once you get a taste for REAL drugs its hard to reframe.  Being someone thats been thru the process first hand I can DEFINITLEY say that weed IS NOT a gateway drug. What IS a gateway however is how weed is part of the same underground market as all the other drugs so I was exposed to everything else when I started just looking for weed. Thats how it happened.


----------



## ShadowedLight

I started around 11ish here & am so happy my kids are no where near what I was like at their ages. I had a totally fucked up bringing which didn't help my cause though....... I guess I wouldn't be who I am today without learning all those lessons so young (that's what I tell myself anyway)


----------



## Junkiegirl23

I started at 11 too with drinking then by 12 I was smoking pot and by 13 I was taking Xanax and pain pills. Early 14s, could of even been late 13s, I was physically dependent on opiates. At 18 I found heroin. 
Im 23 now. I'm at like a month and a half clean right now. This is the longest I have gone without ANY opiate since I was 13/14.


----------



## Jabberwocky

Man I feel light suck a pussy right now, only thing I was "getting high" from was sugar at that age. Well, sugar and puberty related hormones


----------



## cannablissss

When I was 12 I took my first hit from a joint, of course I started smoking heavily when I was 13 so I don't remember if I even felt anything the first time. 

I've been smoking pot since then, so it's been a good amount of years. When I was 15 my boyfriend got me into DXM, I had never heard of it before and had wanted to try it, I tripped about ten times before my 16th birthday. I was also drinking at that age, not often, but I did have quite a few memorable parties when my mom was away. 

Going into 16 and 17, I tried hydrocodone, oxycodone, LSD, and Dilaudid, oxycodone being my opiate of choice, still true to this day. Psychedelics are my favorite, though. I got into cocaine and heroin by the time I was 18, but not heavily. After that, I went through a four month binge of nothing but heroin every day and coke sometimes, now I'm proud to say I'm clean from both of those. 

Now, I just get stoned all day, and trip every once in a while on DXM, being as I can't get my hands on legit acid anymore.


----------



## oreocub

when I was 8 I was put on adderall and vyvanse and still on the vyvanse
when I look back on my all nighters when I was 14-15 I kind of realize why I was fully awake and not tired at all. 
I lost lots of weight but back to the real stuff.

Around 15 I started hanging out with a kind of bad group of kids, not super bad just. . druggies in general.
16 I was doing dramamine, pretty stupid drug to start off honestly and stopped it after two weird ''trips,''
then came along the DXM. I was doing it every weekend and had a hell of a time at first. Cigs and stuff too.
17 came along with boring stuff, hydrocodone. I honestly hated it, just made me feel itchy and anxious with a paradoxial effect of slight euphoria.
Gabapentin and xanax came next.

18
At 18 hand tremors became worse and I did a huge amount of DXM which my dad almost brought me to the hospital for, I quit DXM after that and barely convinced him it was a side-effect from some new meds I was on.
I moved on to xanax and gapapentin

on a side note, I can never convince my friends to do DXM, they think it's some evil drug.


----------



## thelung

i started off at 16 with my first drink. soon after (still 16) i tried weed. about 18 tried opiates and was hooked.  oh i also  did  dxm at 16 and i definitely did not enjoy it.


----------



## Ilove2nod

Tried smoking weed at 13 and started smoking weed daily at 14. 15 started going to high school parties almost every weekend and got into drinking. around 18 is when I got into pills, mostly benzos like Xanax, valium, and klonopin. Also tried EX pills around that age and loved rolling, just kind of did shit like that on the weekends every so often along with weed every day. It wasn't until around 20 that I really fucked up and tried oxy and loved it, became extremely addicted to that and other opioids for a few years, got on bupe, relapsed numerous times, but for the past 9 months now I have stayed with bupe and my other prescribed meds. also got bad into coke/crack around 20 and that never went away, as there is know replacement drug for coke although I have learned to control myself MUCH better being on Adderall now, still when I have a lot of money I'm most likely going to get some yayo.... Fuck, I forgot this was just about being 15 but went on to tell a summary of my whole time doing drugs lol.


----------



## PushingDaisies

I was getting drunk every weekend at 14-18, weekend warrior....lots of vodka at that time lol, a lil tequila but that has always made me puke.....now 17 years later just getting drunk on beers


----------



## CfZrx

I was into weed,lSd, inhalants a half dozen times, alcohol when possible, cough medicine roboTrips, yep, that was where I was at at 15.


----------



## thadocta13

I regret the amount I used various drugs when I was younger. I started drinking on an occasional basis when I was 10. Came from a hardcore alcoholic/addict family. Bunch of crazy natives that just like to party. I'm a little different in the fact that I actually was smart about my usage. For the most part, and mainly when i got older. 

I was 10 when I first got drunk and it was from a beer bong. I was with family, they were partying and my cousin and brother thought it would be funny to get me drunk. I kept doing this until I was 12 when I first dove into the world of chemicals and substances. I started off smoking cigarettes and pot and followed that with raiding my medicine cabinet for the vicodin and darvocet. I knew an older girl who was in 8th grade at the time (I was in 6th). And she was giving me methadone occasionally. I would be high all day and be loving it. Such a small dose was all it took to keep me on cloud 9 all day. Then while I was still 12 this same girl who was giving me methadone, invited me to try cocaine. (This was one fucked up 14 year old girl who was offering me.stuff. She had alot of mental issues and family problems). 

By the time I was 15 I had already been in 2 residential inpatient 90 day treatment centers. I had been on juvenile probation for a year and had done months in juvi for constantly failed UAs and PVs. Age 14 I tried the most stuff. I tried all sorts of pills and I tried MDMA I tried mushrooms and DMT. I ran away from home alot and had alot of friends and family who were addicts. I was always able to stay on the run for a while and just get as high as possible and do whatever. I had alot of issues and didn't give a fuck about myself. I got hooked on cough syrup when my probation officer and drug and alcohol counselor were cracking down on me. My guardians had placed bars knee my room window and the back doors had been bolted shut, sealed. Along with the windows.  To prevent me from escaping at night. The garage door had a padlock on it. During the day when i would get a chance for 20 minutes I would sprint down to the store and steal a bottle of tussin and come back home undetected. I did this for many months because of all of the restrictions I was placed under. I was only 14. 

By 16 I had been to a total of 3 residential treatment centers. I had only completed one. I got kicked out of the other 2 for anger issues/fighting. I had already used IV when I was 15. The only drugs I didn't use when I was younger was methaphetaime and heroin. I never tried those until I was about 18. Despite such an excessive amount of drug usage, I have always had a passion for pharmacology since I was 14 (coincidence?). My entire career of drug use was a semi-responsible and informed one. I joined BL when I was 15 in the midst of all of this insanity and it probably saved my life because I became so much more knowledgeable about drugs. I was able to even help other people with issues concerning drug use in my life, people we all know who are naive and just generally lacking common sense.


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## ememc41

When I was 13 I started smoking weed
Then I overdosed at 14 on Xanax, Vicodin, and alcohol
I first took acid at 15
molly and morphine at 16
Heroin at 20
got sober at 23, relapsed for 3 weeks a year ago (was 25 at the time)
Here I am at 26, I dabble in psychedelics & dissociatives. I have treatment resistant depression and I feel this is the best way to prevent killing myself. I don't want to live and everyday I wake up I'm pissed off that I woke up again so I couldn't continue this life thing 100% sober, IK it's terrible but I have a team of medical  that can't come up with anything else except varying antidepressants that I seem to always have life threatening side effects (ex. Effexor made me unable to pee for 18 hours)


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## ghostandthedarknes

bump


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## 6am-64-14m

Around 15 is when I started bangin' phenmetrazine. It was the first shot ever (bsides drs) and fell in love with it. Wasn't edgy like most speeds are today and just nice.
I blame it on the gateway drug weed cause a hippy turned me and my brother (rip) - at around 7-8 - on to some rolled in J&B strawberry paper. Never forget that day..........
Never forget them bams, either. Would absolutely love to have a few of them right now.


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## Fire&Water

15 - 16 ... somewhere round there?
Alot of neighborhood pals moms had top cupboard shelves full of current / recently expired Rx pills

Percodan, demerol dilaudid talwin prescribed liberally along with seconal nembutal, tuinal hosts of phenobarbitals, valium was everywhere right next to one or two types of amphetamine - christmas trees, black beauties, purple zingers, desoxyn ( my favorite) ...was good-ol -days never let it get too out of hand ( clears throat)

Honestly though
dont regret a minute of it


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