# For anyone wanting to try Meth



## cali_qt_boi

This story is for those of you who are interested in trying Meth...although this doesn't happen to everyone,  it is something that happens to MANY people far to many times to count...Please take this into consideration...

-- Dancing With the White Demon --

There are so many psychonauts out there searching for that one high that will surpass all others, they are willing to try almost anything.  I’m writing this experience report here today so that my story may steer certain people away from what I like to call “Satan’s Drug of Choice.”  It’s a little lengthy, however, it’s important for me to stress what this drug can do to someone’s mind.  I want to share with all of you a story, my story…about my addiction, about my betrayals, about what it’s like to hit “rock-bottom.”  This is a story about my Meth addiction…an addiction I would wish on my worst enemy.

Let me start from the beginning.  An insight into how things were going before my addiction will help illustrate just how fucked up I eventually got.  I was a “straight A” student, and not one of those “bookworm school nerds.”  I was quite popular throughout high school and my first and only year of college.  I had everything going for me, tuition was paid for by my Grandparents whom I’d lived with practically all my life.  I was very close to all of my family, and a friend to me was something to be treasured and not walked upon.  I was the king of my castle and I knew it.  I was proud of what I’d accomplished and my future to come.

I started getting into the party scene.  It started off with the usual “drink yourself silly and wake up in front of a toilet the next morning.”  I then moved on to smoking a little marijuana here and there.  I made some of the best friends of my life during this period of my life.  I was usually home at a decent hour, responsibility was on top al all my priorities.  I had a lot of fun in those days, the “good ole’ days” as I like to call them.  Then, my life drastically turned into a downward spiral before I even realized where it was going.

A party…of all the places for my addiction to start, this is probably the most usual and common place for it to happen.  This party had a different atmosphere to it however, a darker atmosphere.  It wasn’t the lively little party with everyone screaming, yelling and having a good time.  I had been used to those types of parties.  The people here seemed to be so…so disturbed.  I didn’t think nothing of it and partied with the rest of my friends that had come along.  Then, it happened, a guy pulled me into a rest room with a few other people and asked me if I wanted to try some Crank.  I’ve always been one to try new things, so, I accepted.  Being as inexperienced as I was, he had to hold the pipe for me because I was burning the Meth above the flame.

Needless to say, I liked it so much that I was at his back the whole night begging for more.  It turned me into a different person.  I’m generally not a nagging, persistent little pest, but it didn’t matter to me that night.  If it meant I would get more, I would do it.  My friends, my good friends, eventually left once they realized what kind of a party it was, however, I stayed behind in spite of their disapproval.  I stayed the rest of the night there with a friend that I had just met.  I remember us talking outside, telling each other that we would never forget this night and the kick-ass time we both had.  It was supposed to be some kind of a bonding moment.  To this day, I still don’t remember her name.

Anyways, that was the beginning.  The little spark that ignited a fire of despair and loneliness.  I never saw any of the people I met that night ever again.  It was like a still moment in time that would come and go, never to come back.  The next day I felt like shit.  I wanted some more so terribly bad, but it wasn’t there and I couldn’t get it.  The next week or so wasn’t that bad.  After all, I had only done the drug once, and I wasn’t really addicted.  Then, something terrible happened, I found a hookup!!!

I was working at that time as an Independent Contractor being a phone psychic with my friend, Aaron, whom I was living with (it’s all fake folks, don’t buy into it).  Our boss was hella cool and we could talk to her about literally anything.  So, one day, I mentioned the fact that I had tried Crank and liked it.  One night, when my friend Aaron wasn’t working, she pulled out her stash and shared.  I was surprisingly shocked, and for the next few months, I got my drugs through her.

I eventually moved back in with my Grandmother due to the death of my Grandfather.  My Grandmother was devastated and she needed someone to be there for her.  I moved back in to give her the comfort I knew she needed.  During the first month I had moved back into my Grandmothers, my addiction grew almost exponentially.  I was buying an “8-Ball” ($100 worth) on Thursdays and partied until Sunday, sometimes even by myself.  It got to the point that practically all of my paychecks were going to drugs.  School was becoming less and less important, and I started ignoring my Grandmothers pleas to have me home at a decent hour.  She was terribly worried about me, with all the uncertainty surrounding my shift in personality.  If she only knew that I was an addict, I know she would have helped me.

I met a guy shortly after the move back home named Che.  I soon found out that he was just as much into the Meth scene as I was, plus, he had better hookups and much more availability.  Being 30 miles away from my home, I was never with my Grandmother.  It got to the point that I went home just to sleep.  I would usually come home to a crying Grandmother, worried about why I was getting home so late.  Money was starting to become a problem with my addiction growing so rapidly.  The pawn-shop soon became my best friend.  I would steal my Grandmother’s gold jewelry and hawk it for pennies on the dollar.  I even ripped off money from my cousin’s college fund that was locked up in my Grandmother’s drawer.  It was at the point that I would do absolutely anything for more Crank.  I was turning into a monster and didn’t even see it happening.

My car eventually broke down and I had no way of getting back and forth to visit Che and the “druggies.”  It was at this point in time that I did something that I would never do in my right state of mind.  I turned my back on my Grandmother, who just lost her husband of almost 40 years, dropped out of college and moved out.  I’ll never forget her crying, begging me not to go.  We parted on very bad terms, and it was all my fault.  She just needed someone to be there for her.  She needed a reason to wake up in the morning.  She was so worried about me and just wanted me to be ok.  If only I knew that at the time, and if only I never started using drugs.

I eventually turned my back on the rest of my family and my best friends whom I’d known for years.  I dropped all contact and didn’t speak with any of them again until after my recovery.  During this time, I was basically “street scum.”  I had no job and no place to live.  My boyfriend Che and I couch-hopped from place to place and party to party.  As long as we had the drugs, it didn’t matter where we were.  My weight diminished dramatically, to the point I was nothing but skin and bone.  My health was deteriorating and it was the middle of winter.  I must have worn the same outfit for at least a month straight.  There was one point I even endeared some type of heart problem.  I had taken a little too much Crank that night and my heart was beating so hard, and so fast, that it felt like I was having a heart attack.  It hurt so tremendously bad that I feared my impending death.  Thankfully, I didn’t die.  I told myself if I were to live through that situation, I would never touch Crank again.  I ended up giving my heart about a days worth of rest, and went right back to the drugs, what a shame.

I could go on endlessly about the details surrounding this part of my life.  There were days when Che and I didn’t have a place to stay, and we walked alone on the dark streets all night long in the middle of December.  I wouldn’t even be able to count the number of times we borrowed money from friends to buy drugs and never paid them back (that is until after my recovery).  It was so bad that we had to steal food from Mini-Marts just to put food in our stomachs.  We stole cigarettes from K-Mart and Wal-Mart to fuel our nicotine addiction (a habit I still haven’t been able to kick, go figure).  All and all, the quality of my life back then was no greater than that of a street-bum.

Meth had me so confused and disoriented; I didn’t even know what had hit me.  Hell, I didn’t even know I’d been hit.  I thought everything was going to be fine, but everything was getting worse.  It’s funny how Meth creates this illusion for you of whatever you want to believe.  It’s a false positive that everything is ok, when in reality, everything is dangerously wrong.  If I were to explain every single detail of what happened from the time I moved out of my Grandmothers, to my recover, this experience report would be a lot longer than it already is.  Just know that I was nothing.  I had nothing to my name, nothing to be proud of, and the only think I could call “home” was Main Street or the local park.  I lived for the little white baggie of Meth, and that was all I lived for.

Let me fast-forward to Christmas Eve.  Che, who had been doing Meth alot longer than I had, was starting to realize what it was doing to him.  He wanted to go home for Christmas Eve to be with his family, however, I wouldn’t be allowed because they didn’t approve of his gay lifestyle.  I didn’t want him to go, and he promised me he wouldn’t.  We ended up getting separated and he told me to meet him somewhere on Main Street within the next hour.  I waited, and waited, and waited, until I realized he wasn’t coming.  He had gone home to his family for Christmas, and here I was, on a cold evening, by myself on Christmas Eve.  I began to cry.  It was at this one moment in time that I realized what I had done to my life.  I stood out there on Main Street, usually packed, however, not tonight.  Everyone was at home with their families.  I cried, tears rolling down my cheeks as cold as ice, wishing I were back at home with my family.  I desperately searched for someone to be with, for someone to talk to…I didn’t want to be alone on the one day of the year you are supposed to be with family and friends.  I finally found someone, and to be honest, I wouldn’t be able to tell you who it was.  We ended up spending the night at a friend’s house and went to the movies the next day for Christmas.  Che finally met up with me the day after Christmas and I didn’t get too upset at him.  I was really too doped up to even care.

Then, it happened, my life was saved.  I was sitting on Main Street, Che had gone to look for some more drugs and my mother pulled up with my best friend, Aaron, who gave up my location to my family and told them how bad things were.  My mother, whom I never really saw that often, told me to get in the car.  We cried the whole way back to my Grandmother’s house.  For the first time I can remember, my mother and father (who had been divorced 14 years) and my Grandmother sat in the same room with a common goal.  They wanted to get me off of the drugs and move in with my mother in Northern California.  I refused to do so and told them there was nothing they could do to make me go.  I told them that I was an adult and that’s all that mattered.  The Meth was talking for me.  I wanted to go back and get high again with Che.  The power with which this drug pulls you in is absolutely amazing.  It wasn’t going to work this time though; the Meth was finally forced to be silenced.  My family pulled out a bag of drugs they had found in my old room and threatened to call the police if I didn’t do as they wished, and so I did.  I went back home with my mom (also once an addict) who helped me close the chapter on this part of my life.

I look back now with regret on that period of my life.  I hurt a lot of people, including myself.  I had everything going for me, and there was nothing in the way to stop me, except an addiction.  I want to thank my family, my mother, and Aaron for saving my life.  Without them, I’m certain I wouldn’t be alive today.  I’m proud to be able to say that I have stayed away from the imprisonment of addiction for two years now, and I’m loving every second it.  I am out on my own with a good job and a wonderful boyfriend named George.  This relationship, however, is based on love rather than drugs.  I just recently found out that Che continued his abuse of Meth, and is now in prison for robbery.  I can only wish the best for him, that one day, he will be able to conquer the white demon that torments him.  Please take this story seriously for those of you who want to try this kind of drug.  It could be the beginning of a road that leads to no-where, except away.  Away from your family.  Away from your friends.  Away from your future.  Away from reality.  And away from yourself.  Thank you for taking the time to read this story about my addiction to Meth, a high that kills.


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## Partycries

i hope you are able to   stay clean from that shit.
One of the most popular quotes where i live is "Relapse is a motherfuck"
but i hope u make it.
Party
AIM  partycries


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## Danthemanz

Thanks for writing that.
Its helped me understand a lot of things.
Ill remember this...


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## Carpe Noctem

yeah, i fear for you if you get back into it again, 'cause dude's right, relapse IS a motherfucker and it'll bite you in the ass and drag you further down if it happens again.
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AIM: Jetty201
SickOfBeingSober
CaRpe N0cTeM onE


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## lowman

I know how you feel.
http://www2.bluelight.ru/ubb/Forum35/HTML/001219.html 
Stick with it buddy. There are more of us doing the same. You are not alone.


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## tathra

wow.  to think, i just did glass for the first time this weekend.  i'm very glad you made it thru alright and sorry about what happened while you were addicted.  hopefully others will take this to heart
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>laugh, and the world laughs with you.  cry, and you cry alone.
icq: 6909172
aim: tathra san


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## cali_qt_boi

Thanks for the positive feedback everyone!!!  I can understand why some people would warn me about the relapse because I have witnessed the drugs addictive potential first hand...but it's something I will never go back to again...alot of other drugs really are fine with me and I can do them in moderation...but for some reason, Meth is a two-faced monster of a drug, very deceptive and evil...and I understand that now...it really scares me to even think what would happen if I went back to doing it again.
I just hope this story has reached some people considering taking this drug (or even people who are currently using).  If I can stop just one person from using Meth,  or getting into any deeper than they already are...then it was well worth writing.  Thanks again you guys for the feedback!!!


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## jungle_addict

Im going through the same thing right now, except I havent quit. 

I want to so bad, but its like it surrounds me, everywhere I go, everyone I talk to.  Any time I am sober, all I can think about is how much better it is to not be.  I want to quit,but I dont think Im strong enough.  Every bad thing that happens makes me wanna tweak so I can forget about it.  I dont know what to do anymore.  My friends have all lost their jobs, houses, and most unfortunately their minds.  I think i might have too.  Its everywhere.  I dont know where to find my strength.  

My mom tried to put me in rehab but I wouldnt go.  It gets so bad sometimes that I hallucinate, they classified it at the hospital as severe psychosis.  I quit for 17 days after ending up in the hospital because my hallucinations were so bad that I thought there were paeople everywhere, cars in my driveway that weren't,  all the night before my first day as a senior in high school (funny how they say these are supposed to be the best days of my life) I lost 35 pounds in one month, which is a lot for me being a 5 feet tall girl.  But I didnt want to get fat.  I broke up with my boyfriend because he asked me to not party one saturday out of the whole month, so we could spend time together.  I havent worked since September, and I dont know where I get the money at, I just do.  I lie to my mom, but ironic as it is I am actually happy that she started drinking again recently, because maybe she won't know about me.  It's not even like the whole "Just a little pep to go out and party" Its more like sitting around for 17 hours, barely leaving the room, looking out the windows for cops, thinking that your best friend is plotting against you. I don't know if I can go through the withdrawal again, its just so much easier to take a handful of sleeping pills and do the same the next day.  Can I make it through the day at school without it.  I'm miserable when Im off, but If I smoke enough I get stupid enough that I wont think about it, cause it start to do the opposite effect.  It starts off like you're talking all the time, going out and meeting new people, so outgoing, but then all you want to do is sit around and do more and more until you don't trust anyone who doesnt do it, you barely trust the people closest to you.  

Forget about my old friends, I started shutting off my phone months ago when they called, just to chat.  They are worried about me, I know it but if I talk to them they will tell me what I dont want to hear, that they are there for me, that I dont need this. How much I have changed, how unhappy I am compared to that optimistic, outgoing, bubbly person I used to be.  SO I just focus on my friends' problems, them losing their jobs, parents disowning them, breaking up and falling off.

 I don't remember what it feel s like to be interested in anything.  I don't go one minute without thinking about it.  If I should do more.  I dont like the person Ive become.  I actually hate myself.  I just want to be numb.  And I think, down the road, who would ever want to be with me, want to have kids with me.  I feel so alone when I dont do it.  I feel alienated from my friends (even my best friend)  But right now I feel alienated from everyone else.  It's so anti-social now.  I know there is people there for me, but it's just weird how they look at me, like they yearn to have the old me back and I dont know if Ill ever be that again.  Its easier to turn my back, to distance from them because they expect me to be someobody.  

There's so many secrets, I feel like my whole life is a big lie.  I dont even know what I feel anymore, I dont feel.  I have no desire to date, the only time I cry is when Im coming down.  Every one I know is on the edge, our lives have fallen apart.  So many things I said I would never do, Ive done.  Right when I think Im ready to face reality, something happens.  I dont even know why Im writing this.


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## cali_qt_boi

Jungle_addict...I want you to email me...cali_qt_boi@hotmail.com   I would love to talk to you...I just want you to know that you do have the strength in you, but to be honest, you probably don't have that strength by yourself...I know I didn't, I had to have my mothers strength there for me when I needed it most....you need to get help, it's so hard to do it on your own...I've seen meth destroy lives, sadly, I've seen it destroy lives to the fullest extent...I don't want to think of that happening to you...you can turn your life around,  and it will be the hardest thing you ever did....but you need to do it for yourself...at least you are realizing what this evil drug is doing to you, that's the first step.  Please go seek help from someone you trust (or used to trust before you were doing Meth).  It will be the best thing you ever did....Please email me if you want someone to talk to...who's been there....cali_qt_boi@hotmail.com
Take care and I wish you the best!!!


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## barkingdog44

wow-
thank you for your story.
The curious side of me has always wanted to try meth, but after all the horror stories I have heard on here, and seen in my personal life.  I think I am going to steer clear of the stuff.
Good luck with your life and thanks again!
jeremy


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## rm-rf

ya know, whenever you get a crazy craving for chemicals (i have a sad story about E, not as bad as ur crank story but its up there) just smoke smoke smoke lotsa lotsa lotsa WEED with ur friends. Make sure ur with good friends, watch a movie, laugh, get some munchies, smoke more, repeat. Just make sure u got good nugz and ur with close friends. If u smoke enough high quality herbs, ull eventually just forget the other drugs. It helps. Trust me. Dont excpect the big "high" cuz then ur just gonna want something more extreme, instead, expect to laugh and feel peaceful, and relaxed. Now 'adays, weed is so much better than E or MDA or DXM or LSD for me. (i was a big hallucinogen fan, yes, hallucinogens are addictive too)
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~!~ THA WOOD ~!~


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## pinkcat

Thanks for sharing your story. I think we can all learn from it. You are so lucky to have family and friends who love and care about you so much....


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## impulsive_state

what can i say but, thanks


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## cali_qt_boi

I said it before in my last post, and I'll say it again...thank you so much for taking the time to read my story...I know it was long...hehehehe....but, in all reality, the story wouldn't be as effective if I left parts of it out.  Just knowing that my story may have helped just one (JUST ONE) person, makes me feel very good inside.  I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through what I did, which is why I share this story with all of you, so that you guys can avoid it like the plauge.  I don't condemn drug use....I myself use Ecstacy every now and then...the only one I worry about it Meth, cause I know it's potential,  and I hope my story will reach at least one person before this thread is closed.....Thanks alot guys, and be safe/smart out there!!!  =)


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## DiSkOcitizen

Thanx guys for helping me make an imformed choice not to ever do meth......I think its great that your stories are most definatley helping alot of ppl to stay clear of this drug...and most importantly are probably saving lifes down futures track.....
THANKYOU!
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(((SEASON'S GREETINGS EVERYONE)))


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## Mman

Just a quick question.  What advise could you give to someone that is watching a friend go through what you went through.  The problem is that most of me never wants to talk him again because I feel like I don't want expose myself to the very ugly world of meth.  Am I being selfish.


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## themagicbean

cali_qt:
have you posted this in erowid?  it might not be a bad idea.  and congrats on your recovery.


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## cali_qt_boi

themagicbean:
Yes, I sent it in to Erowid, but they did not post it up, I was somewhat disappointed, but I figured it was probably too big.  I'm glad I was able to get it out here on Bluelight!!!
Mman:
You don't have to expose yourself into the Meth world to help your friend.  I can almost guarantee you that you will not be able to help him/her yourself if he/she is as involved as I was.  The only way you really can help someone who is addicted to Methamphetamine is to get more people involved....get people of authority involved.  Not necesarily the police, but someone, or a group of people who might be of authority to your friend who is addicted...like family.  My friend Aaron got my family involved and my family threatened to get the police involved...that was the only way I was able to get off of that shit.  I know it sounds fucked up, but don't feel like a "rat."  Just know that you are helping your friend, probably even saving his/her life...He/she might not understand at first, but I'll tell you this.  What my friend did for me 2 years ago saved my life, and I will forever be grateful that he did it, even though I may not have been at the time.  I hope this helps, and please don't give up on your friend, even if it seems that he/she has given up on you.  Your friend needs you the most right now.


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## Oktopoos

Thank you so much. I've been really thinking about trying meth, but it just hasn't been available lately. I'm positive i wont be trying it now.
Good luck to you and thank you.


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## Reflekshun

Wow.. Powerful post - thanx for that we appreciate...
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...::RefleKshun|:::...


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## kLePtO_mAnIc99

oh my god, thAnk you so much for posting thAt story. As A meth Addict And relApser myself i reAlly enjoy reAding stories About peoples recoveries. it mAkes me wAnt to try ultra hArd to recover. ive been doing prescription meth for About 2 1/2 yeArs And this hAlf yeAr its gotten worse. Actually in september i mAnAged to stay cleAn for 30 dAys just to prove to myself thAt i didnt hAve a big problem And After those 30 dAys i went bAck. right now i Am About 15 dAys cleAn And hAting every single wAking moment of it. i hAte the disoriented And confused wAy my thoughts get. i Am no longer the poet And Artist thAt i once wAs. i hAte the chronic depression. i hAve been deAling with depression my whole entire life And one of the reAsons i love meth so much is thAt it sheilds it. but the comedowns Are the worst And mAny times i just wish i would die. i think like this Alot. As A senior in high school i should be hAving the best time but i find school life to be lonely, And boring, And quite sAd. im not much of A sociAl person and i dont have mAny friends by my side. i sortA Avoid people. ive turned lAzy. ive never been A person with big motivAtion but now with out the meth i Am totAlly sunk. Also i hAve developed the worst Anxiety And im only sure itll get worse. i feel funny in public and i just get the wAnt to run And hide. one of the worse things hAs to be is thAt i got An on going supply of it. i get it from my psychiAtrist As Desoxyn for my "ADD." reAding this And everyone elses storeis About there meth Abuse, i see A pArt of me in it. A big pArt reAlly. sometimes im sure im destined to go thAt wAy. i sortA beleive thAt you dont stop till you hit your rock bottom and im Affraid thAt i hAvent hit mine yet. people tell me to quit And stop but i sortA want to experiment more...
im sure this All sounds very stupid And messed up And im not sure why i even posted but i just felt like i should.
~`~`~A~`~`~


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## NiQu3LorD

cali_qt_boi
I'd have to be ON METH to read all that...
You would have to be ON METH to write all that...
"...Im going through the same thing right now, except I HAVENT QUIT..." You can tell!
Sorry but it's just so obvious I had to bring it up, get off the shit don't write about it, both of you.
Cali boi tell me you have quit when you write a post 10ft long. Especially after your ordeal where your brains dopamine system has probably been obliterated, tell me how you mustered up all that without being under the influence.
If I'm wrong please point that out to me and explain, whatever it is.


> oh my god, thAnk you so much for posting thAt story. As A meth Addict And relApser myself i reAlly enjoy reAding stories About peoples recoveries. it mAkes me wAnt to try ultra hArd to recover. ive been doing prescription meth for About 2 1/2 yeArs And this hAlf yeAr its gotten worse. Actually in september i mAnAged to stay cleAn for 30 dAys just to prove to myself thAt i didnt hAve a big problem And After those 30 dAys i went bAck. right now i Am About 15 dAys cleAn And hAting every single wAking moment of it. i hAte the disoriented And confused wAy my thoughts get. i Am no longer the poet And Artist thAt i once wAs. i hAte the chronic depression. i hAve been deAling with depression my whole entire life And one of the reAsons i love meth so much is thAt it sheilds it. but the comedowns Are the worst And mAny times i just wish i would die. i think like this Alot. As A senior in high school i should be hAving the best time but i find school life to be lonely, And boring, And quite sAd. im not much of A sociAl person and i dont have mAny friends by my side. i sortA Avoid people. ive turned lAzy. ive never been A person with big motivAtion but now with out the meth i Am totAlly sunk. Also i hAve developed the worst Anxiety And im only sure itll get worse. i feel funny in public and i just get the wAnt to run And hide. one of the worse things hAs to be is thAt i got An on going supply of it. i get it from my psychiAtrist As Desoxyn for my "ADD." reAding this And everyone elses storeis About there meth Abuse, i see A pArt of me in it. A big pArt reAlly. sometimes im sure im destined to go thAt wAy. i sortA beleive thAt you dont stop till you hit your rock bottom and im Affraid thAt i hAvent hit mine yet. people tell me to quit And stop but i sortA want to experiment more...
> im sure this All sounds very stupid And messed up And im not sure why i even posted but i just felt like i should.
> ~`~`~A~`~`~


That's a painful post, some of us are born with harder lives than others, yeah?
mines been hard too...you arent alone, but if you are someone loves you + God + I love you!
That goes for you to cali boi, but clear up what I said, or put me in my place.
[This message has been edited by NiQu3LorD (edited 02 December 2001).]


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## cali_qt_boi

NiQu3LorD:
It's all good NiQu3...I can understand you reasoning, but you a wrong.  I actually didn't type that story on bluelight all at once...lol...it actually took me a few days to finish up the whole thing.  I just did a cut and paste from a word document.  I'm not on meth anymore, not will I ever be.  I was serious when I said I posted that story for other people.  I've seen this drugs potential first hand and I just want people to be informed about what it can do to you.  If you read the whole story from beginning to end, you'll see that I couldn't have made it any shorter and still have the same effect.  If you think I'm on meth just cause I know how to write, then you may go ahead and think that,  but you don't know me, and that's why what you said doesn't bother me one bit.  This story is simply a testimony to my addiction to meth, so that someone thinking about trying it may be able to see what this drug can really do to someone.  I hope I've cleared up this misunderstanding.  Peace out everyone!!!


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## NiQu3LorD

It's all good NiQu3...I can understand you reasoning, but you a wrong.  I actually didn't type that story on bluelight all at once...lol...it actually took me a few days to finish up the whole thing.  I just did a cut and paste from a word document.  I'm not on meth anymore, not will I ever be.  I was serious when I said I posted that story for other people.  I've seen this drugs potential first hand and I just want people to be informed about what it can do to you.  If you read the whole story from beginning to end,  





> you'll see that I couldn't have made it any shorter and still have the same effect. If you think I'm on meth just cause I know how to write, then you may go ahead and think that,  but you don't know me, and that's why what you said doesn't bother me one bit.  This story is simply a testimony to my addiction to meth, so that someone thinking about trying it may be able to see what this drug can really do to someone.  I hope I've cleared up this misunderstanding.  Peace out everyone!!!


All clear, sorry mate.


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## *Liquideyes*

I must say this is the most useful post I have ever read in my days of bluelight.
I always tried to stay away from this forum, I knew if I came in here I would be reading a lot of bad stuff. I was scared, I knew if I got addicted to one drug I would be expecting some bad shit but I didn't want to come here because I didn't want to know what to expect.
Cali and Jungle: I wouldn't say much to you two
people. I am not really addicted to anything at this moment and I know I can not fully understand what places you have been to. What I really wish is that Jungle, have faith in yourself. This is all I can say.


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## kidblue

hey Cali- 

you are awesome- you get mad props!

but have you (or anyone else) heard of 'shards'?  I was once told it was a combo of meth and crack... but my ex has been doing (snorting and smoking) those alot lately (amoung a LOT of other things).... I haven't seen nor heard from her in months, but the last time I talked to her, she told me about not sleeping for a few days because she'd been doing shards.... I hear from mutual friends (that don't hang out with her and her new clique because of their excess use) that she's got her own place now, but its a dump with no phone or furniture cuz all her (BIG) paycheck goes to drugs.....  

I'm worried about her, but since we broke up, it seems like she doesn't ever even think about me (we dated for a year), so the times when I expressed my concern, she'd act like I was a psycho-bitch obsessing over her...

part of me keeps sayin that she's just goin through what most new high school graduates go through when they either go off to college or move out on their own- cuz I did the same thing (only I stuck with weed, dex, coke and alcohol) and that, eventually, she'll either get bored or realize how stupid she's being... and that I should just leave her alone, because she's not the same person I used to love...

but then, the other part still loves her and wants to help her....cuz maybe if I do, she'll wake up and be the same person she used to be....I don't know....that might seem selfish tho, and I don't even know if I have room to talk....

.......I KNOW, THIS SHIT IS LONG AS HELL AND YES I AM ON adderal RIGHT NOW.........WOOOOHHOOOOOO

I didn't even think about this until that kid wrote about his prescription meth for ADD.... and I remembered that adderal is amphetamines and maybe methamphetamines too, don't remember.... but I've been using adderal for almost four years now, (used to snort it alot, but not so much anymore)...I take 40mg a day and have noticably bad effects when I don't take it....  for about a week out of every month, I only take 20mg a day and sometimes none at all, just to keep the tolerance under control....  I've suffered from major depression since forever, and adderal is the only thing (so far) that makes me feel better (yes, I've got the psychiatrist and therapist, and numerous antidepressants) and that I can rely on immediatly when I get real depressed...with adderal, though, the down is more gradual and not a big crash.... so I'll admit, I'm addicted- 

anyways- the point- (which I tend to forget- sorry)

was: what are shards? and what should I do about this ex of mine?

and does adderal=meth?


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## lain

kidblue:  i'm really sorry to hear about the position you are in with your ex, and the position that she herself is in.  it sounds fatalistic, but i really don't know what you can do.  when i graduated high school and headed off to college i did the same thing- started partying a whole lot and started doing a whole lot of meth.  i had several friends who were concerned just like you are but i didn't listen to them.  i thought i was to smart/good/careful/whatever to become addicted and that they were worrying for nothing and bothering me & my happiness.  the denial on my part was huge.  there was no way in hell i was addicted although i was doing it nearly every day, binging for 3-4 days at a time and wishing i was dead when i didn't have any.  the thing about meth is it is so good at creating the illusion for the user that everything is going great.  my life was going to shit, but when i was tweeking (most of the time) i couldn't see it through the "everything is wonderful" illusion that my use created. 

i think that the turning point for everyone is different.  i wouldn't listen to my friends- i had to find out and fuck up for myself, but maybe your ex is different.  just be gentle with her when you tell her you're worried- the #1 way to make an addict become hostile and completely unwilling to listen to you is if they feel you are attaking their reasons for using or their using in general.  maybe search out some other friends of hers who are also concerned and talk to her together. unfortunately some people just have to 'hit bottom' to realize what they are doing to themselves and others and can begin to get clean and put their life back in order.  i hope that she isn't one of them, but if she is, don't take it personally.  addiction is one tough bitch.  for your own sanity, distance yourself a little, because it's gonna hurt, but you can always still be there for her, just don't facilitate her addicion (money, rides to places she can score, etc.).  good luck with this, i hope you can reach her.  if you need to talk, my AIM is PppyChan.  i'd be glad to help you out or just listen.

about your other questions, shards is a slang term for meth that is still in rock/crystal form- really good meth looks like shards of broken glass.  the thing about it containing crack isn't true, but shards can be smoked in a pipe similar to a crack pipe and give a super-intense rush that is said to be better than crack (i dunno, i've never smoked crack).  adderall is not methamphetamine, it is a combination of four different amphetamine salts.  similar, perhaps, but definately not the same.  to have meth for add, you'd have to be lucky enough to score some desoxyn- methamphetamine from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist.


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## NiQu3LorD

Cali boi, I decided to read through your post and didn't get bored for ONE sec, I know I'm not gonna fall for the trap, thanks for the story dude and welldone for giving up meth, you would have felt so low about your life.


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## kidblue

hey thanx lain....
yah, she got pretty defensive when I said she was bein like her mom and smoking crack....I was half joking....but I guess I'm kinda relieved shards aren't crack....but scared about them being the same thing cali boi was addicted to....  I know she likes uppers a LOT (she used to take my adderal)  and one of the guys she works with sells shards.....    .....  I've talked to mutual friends who don't get fucked up with her, but they've all got the 'if that's her thing...' attitude....  I'm not all torn about it anymore (I flipped out when she told me) especially since the reason we broke up was because we'd both changed- we're just not compatible anymore (although I miss the old her alot) we grew apart and I know I don't have ANY influence on her at all anymore....  maybe it's wrong, but I feel like the right thing to do is to let her live her life- however fucked up it might be- and let her figure shit out for herself.....
I'm just glad I don't have to watch.....


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## cali_qt_boi

kidblue:  I'm very sorry about your situtation with your ex-girlfriend.  I know how much I hurt all of my close friends when I was fucked up, so I can understand how much she is hurting you.  It's really hard watching an addict go down, feeling helpless, as if there was nothing in the world you can do.  I'd have to agree with Lain on his reply to your story.  If you're going to be there for her, I wouldn't address the addiction issue.  Speaking from experience, to an addict,  addressing such a topic is a personal attack, like lain said.  Most likley because addicts know they are addicted, but just don't want to admit it.  If you want to help her to be clean, it takes a lot more than talking to her.  It would be a long battle with various different tactics that could very well end up with little to no results.  Some of us just aren't strong enough for that battle, and I can understand you saying that you want to let go and let her fuck up her life.  I guess the best thing to do would be to keep an open line of communication, without talk about the addiction.  Show her that you still love her (maybe not as a girlfriend, but as friends).  Just let her know that, because she will get to a point in her life where she feels that there is no one on earth that loves, or even cares about her.  Just let her know that you care and if she ever needs anyone to be there for her, you would be the one to do it....that is if you personally can be there for her.  I guess that's the best advice I can give.  It would be unpractical to give you any other advice, in my opinion, there really isn't much you can do.  I hope everything works out with her, and you as well.  I know it must be hard on you and it hurts me to see a post like yours.  Good luck and if you ever need anyone to talk to, my email is cali_qt_boi@hotmail.com.  Take care dude!!!  =)


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## kidblue

awe thanx man....
aside from her addiction, the break up was real hard on me.... since she moved out in early October I've seen her twice and spoken to her maybe 5 times on the phone, even tho we're supposed to still be friends.... the space has been good for me though, cuz I don't think I could see her everyday.... the past 2 or 3  monthes I've been trying to forget about her, cuz remembering hurts so bad.... but I saw her the other day, and she's still so beautiful, and all the memories came back- but it hurts less, cuz I know she's changed- the girl I saw wasn't the girl I loved....
so...., being there for her sounds like a good idea, but not until I know I can really be there for her and not think that everytime she hugs me or does something nice, that she wants me back.....I can't let my feelings for her get in the way of that.....I just gotta think of a way to let her know "I'm here if she needs to talk" and that "I still care" in a not so dorky way....and that she can talk to me without having to worry that I'm gonna think she wants me....
I dunno....
but thanx cali.... youre awesome.....


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## lain

kidblue:  i think you have the right idea.  you've tried to reach her but are also willing to accept that she just might be one of those people who has to hit their proverbial "bottom" before they get their head back on right, and you also know that you don't have to watch.  i'm proud of you!  i think you have it all figured out about how you need to handle this- all the way down to knowing that you are still attatched to her, but also knowing that you have to distance yourself so that you can be sure you're seeing what is really going on.  i think most people would not realize their attatchment and allow themselves to stay attatched in a fantasy sort of way- much more painful when reality finally comes to call.  good luck, and stay strong- you can handle this.  the offer still stands, if you need to talk about this or anything else, hit me up on IM:  PppyChan  Take care!!


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## kidblue

awe thanx lain
I still haven't learned about falling too fast but finally, I'm starting to see the light on how to get over it!  
still a pussy tho, and haven't called to let her know "im here if you need to talk" or whatever....   theres a party at her place tomorrow.... think I'll skip out on that one...


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## roboto

sounds like hell. I myself am tired of people telling me that drug is evil. It isn't- you are. I've taken drugs casually for years now and have never had a problem. Its a good-time drug for responsible people only. I like sexin' on it. The key is not to surround yourself with people who do it- in southern california this is much harder than here in Ct obviously. Don't smoke narcotics and dont inject them. Drink lots of water and force feed- ole veggie shake is best.  
People who use irresponsibly have only themselves to blame. Meth, unlike heroin, is not physically addictive although it is psycho-physiologically very strong especially when used in a binge style. Use your head, stop getting yourself and other responsible and aware users in trouble. Using narcotics is NOT a passive experience.


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## cali_qt_boi

Roboto:  I agree with you to some extent...you are right when you say that users that have gotten in too deep have no one else to blame but themselves.  But that does not make THEM evil as you stated.  Some people can control their use of meth, but everyday I'm starting to see that most people cannot.  Simply because Meth is probably the most addictive drug out there, 2nd maybe to Heroin.  Meth IS an evil drug...just because you can control it doens't mean it's not a bad thing...your only one person.  Just look at all the people who got screwed over using meth....probably in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions here in the United States...Even though it may have been their faults, are you saying each and every one of those users wanted to get as fucked up as they did???  Are you saying these victims of Methamphetamine, each and every one of them, could have complete control over the drug they are using???  If so, then why are there so many people crying in bed at night, wishing they had never started using....why are there so many mothers wondering how they are going to raise their child in such a pitifull and shamefull lifestyle???  Why do so many people turn their backs on ones they have loved all of their life???  How can so many people let themselves hit rock-bottom,  without even noticing what's happening???  I'm not giving excuses for these lifestyles, but the answer to all those questions is quite clear!!!  The drug that they have chosen to use is a drug that comes straight from the devil.  It's evil and deceptive and more and more people are becoming trapped within it's web.  You are wrong when you say Meth is not physically addictive.  It's not as bad as Heroin, but when I quit, my withdrawls lasted for about 2 weeks.  I had to go back and forth to the hospital by doctors orders so he could monitor how my body was reacting to the sudden halt in Methamphetamine.  It felt like I had been run over by a semi.  It really upsets me when you say that users are "evil."  It's really easy for you to sit there and point fingers, but you really don't have a clue.  Instead of blaming these people for their screwed up lives, why not try and help them.  I know this drugs potential, people loose their lives Roboto...and all you can do is sit there and boast about how you have it under control and how the addicts are evil.  I guess it kinda shows how much humanity you have inside.


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## Ashke

A powerful tale. Remember, if you ever start thinking, 'It's been so long, one night of fun won't hurt me' just kick yerself in the butt good and hard.    Stay strong. 
Much luv,
~*~ Ashke ~*~


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## NiQu3LorD

> you are right when you say that users that have gotten in too deep have no one else to blame but themselves. But that does not make THEM evil as you stated. Some people can control their use of meth, but everyday I'm starting to see that most people cannot. Simply because Meth is probably the most addictive drug out there, 2nd maybe to Heroin. Meth IS an evil drug...just because you can control it doens't mean it's not a bad thing...your only one person. Just look at all the people who got screwed over using meth....probably in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions here in the United States...Even though it may have been their faults, are you saying each and every one of those users wanted to get as fucked up as they did??? Are you saying these victims of Methamphetamine, each and every one of them, could have complete control over the drug they are using??? If so, then why are there so many people crying in bed at night, wishing they had never started using....why are there so many mothers wondering how they are going to raise their child in such a pitifull and shamefull lifestyle??? Why do so many people turn their backs on ones they have loved all of their life??? How can so many people let themselves hit rock-bottom, without even noticing what's happening??? I'm not giving excuses for these lifestyles, but the answer to all those questions is quite clear!!! The drug that they have chosen to use is a drug that comes straight from the devil. It's evil and deceptive and more and more people are becoming trapped within it's web. You are wrong when you say Meth is not physically addictive. It's not as bad as Heroin, but when I quit, my withdrawls lasted for about 2 weeks. I had to go back and forth to the hospital by doctors orders so he could monitor how my body was reacting to the sudden halt in Methamphetamine. It felt like I had been run over by a semi. It really upsets me when you say that users are "evil." It's really easy for you to sit there and point fingers, but you really don't have a clue. Instead of blaming these people for their screwed up lives, why not try and help them. I know this drugs potential, people loose their lives Roboto...and all you can do is sit there and boast about how you have it under control and how the addicts are evil. I guess it kinda shows how much humanity you have inside.


I agree, you can only blame people for the act of initiating what they knew could potentially be an addiction, because for whatever reason they push the risks associated with it to the back of they're minds at tat time in their lives.

The evil nature of the drugs exist in that they exploit peoples requirement to try new things, especially young peoples, and they're so unforgiving, I mean one night of inquisitiveness and excitement can potentially extract every bit of life a young person has, when origionally that isn't what the person planned.
Not everyone has great will power, and drugs take that same will power away, even from the mighty willed.

It's a blessing that people can gather the strength and self esteem to pull themselves out of that after the drug has weakened them so much.

good vs the evil qualities of a drug

That's a uniquely human quality. If it was left purely to the appetitive powers that all species possess methamphetamine would tweak you till your dead.


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## Ashke

> Simply because Meth is probably the most addictive drug out there, 2nd maybe to Heroin.


Hate to break it to ya kid, but meth is more addictive than heroin.
~*~ Ashke ~*~


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## cali_qt_boi

Before this thread is closed, I'd like to take the time to thank all of you who read my story.  I have appreciated all of the posts I've read and hope that this story will steer people away from such a powerful drug.  Thanks again everyone, and be careful out there!!!  Peace out...


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## starlightgemini

i've read so many stories of meth addiction. each one saddens me and scares me so much. yet...i am headed down the wrong path at a VERY fast pace. i haven't gotten as bad as that yet...but i know if i don't stop soon, i'll be at rock-bottom b4 i know it. the very unfortunate thing though--is while i am very sorry for what you went through and i do think it is terrible. i read these stories and say to myself "oh--i'm not an addict cause i'm not THAT BAD. i could be SO much worse". i think its horrible that i even have those thoughts. i don't know if i'm ready to call myself a meth "addict" at this point--but i DO KNOW i have a problem with it. a VERY bad problem
*** starlight ***


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## Tiffy

Well my boyfriend is kinda that way he can't wait til the next party to get more meth but i tell him he's gonna get addicted but he say he won't so...
Good louck to u!!!
Plur Tiffy


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## jungle_addict

I would just like to let everyone know that I have finally managed to stay sober. After a severe relapse that finaly ended on new Year's Day, I can see clearly now.  I know that may not seem like a long time to anyone, but it has given me a newfound pride and inner-peace. I don't think I have ever been as happy (overall) in years and would like to share this happiness with anyone and everyone.  I didn't think i had the power in me, but I do, we all do. I've even managed to allow  myself to form a relationship (a healthy one, even)  with someone who has always held a special place in my heart. This is something I have been unable to do because of my addiction. 
cali_qt_boi I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support and hope you have given me, you are truly a wonderful person. My email has been down, my new email is in my profile, please use it.
I wouldn't change anything that has happened in my life these past years, it has given me so much character, as well as the ability to understand and recognise that we all have our shortcomings, our own demons.
I am now attending NA with my mother, who is also overcoming. I know this doesn't exactly fit the Dark Side regulations, but I thought it could be helpful for those who are feeling lost, confused, and hopeless.  Anyone who needs a shoulder, I'm here.


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## insomnia

Glad your cleaning up your act, cheers.


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## jerzeezfinest

i just wanted to bump this post because i gained a lot from it.  i have entirely too many thoughts right now to reply productively--but i think there are a lot of people that can benefit from this post...


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## A. Wizard

Greetings,
Just a quick note to wish everyone the best dealing with the demon.  My story is similar, but with crack instead of crank.  From what I hear, the 'take-over' is just about the same.  Before I got in deep enough to start stealing food from my family and selling off our possesions, I got involved with my dope man, and a scam to smuggle rock and escape tools into a county jail.  Of all the stupid shit. Fortunately, I ended up as a prisoner in the same jail!  The ONLY reason I escaped from the demon is a year of probation, random drug tests, and a terrible fear of going back.  I would advise anyone impaled on the hook of crack or crank to do WHATEVER it takes to get help off the hard road. The sooner the better. When you get to the end of the road, there is no turning back.  Multiple felony convictions don't go away (and good jobs get harder to find!), blown off years are gone, you're health, your family, etc. etc.  Wish I could offer more than just words, but do whatever it takes.  Start with a short prayer.  Simple enough!


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## CuPiD^^

wtf where did my post go??  argh!


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## watts

I think my ex-boyfriend is having a problem with meth. I saw him last weekend and I know he is using it. I know he has lost his job and is living with some of his friends (who also use) because his dad won't let him move back in with him. I am worried about him but I don't know what to do because he won't return my phone calls. I have told him that I care about him and would always be there for him but it gets frustrating to put yourself out there for someone who doesn't even seem to care. He is married (but they are separated now) and he has a kid from a previous relationship (other than the marriage) who he's supposed to be paying child support on, plus he has fines that he needs to get paid off, but he doesn't seem to worry about these things. 
When I was with him last weekend, he and his friend kept talking about how many days they had been up. I don't understand all this and it scares me because I still care about him and want to help him but I don't know what to do. I am in contact with his grandmother but she doesn't want to believe that he does drugs and of course his dad won't help. I don't really know his wife but from what I've heard she's pretty messed up too and I don't think she would help. So what should I do?
[ 07 April 2002: Message edited by: watts ]


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## watts

Thanks for the advice FreyGrimrod! I had pretty much decided that's what I needed to do.


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## Cornelia_Fabulous

I agree with those who say meth is evil. I have used quite a bit of it myself, and although I can honestly say I am not addicted, that is only through enormous effort.
Anyone who's ever done it, even once, knows what I'm talking about. How it makes you think that whatever you wan to believe is true, just becasue you want it to be true. How it keeps you awake and after a while you start to hallucinate. How painful it is to come down, how your whole body hurts, how it empties your mind and leaves you without a sense of purpose.
I also remember doing stupid, meaningless things for hours, at the time thinking they were important.
As am inert substance, methamphetamine is not intrinsecally evil, but what it does to you if you don't keep a firm grip on yourself, that certainly IS evil.


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## oz_gurl

im 2 years sober of that shit...it was a major experience in my life...i did alot of stuff i would of not done, if i wasnt so cranked out...hurt myself and others...i look back and can't believe im here today...


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## Cokeboy

I'm one of the few people who simply doesn't "get" meth. Not for lack of effort - I've tried it on maybe 10 occasions, and with no real restraint... let's say the quantities were generous.
But all it ever did was make me edgy and irritable.
But I routinely warn others that there are three drug types to watch out for: opiates, coke, and meth. I've seen meth wreck the lives of others.


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## MattBomb

Reading this has permantly put me off even thinking about trying this drug, im just glad its very rare in the UK!
Thank u for sharing ur experiences


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## Mokenwee

Meth / Glass / Ice ...... Bad Bad Stuff!!!

First time: over 70 hour's! What the hell happend!

I tried glass for the first time last wensday night! I just wanted to moke a bowl of it and see what it was all about! I have alot of tweaker friends and was just courious on what the deal was! 
To make along story short its 12:30 pm sunday and I just woke up from my comedown!! Yes all as I wanted to do was try it and next thing I notice I freggin tweaked out 4 days! The problem was that the person that let me try it was a friend of mine and had more then enough to go around! If I would have paid for this buzz I would be in the pawn shop selling all my crap now!

I am very unhappy with my self right now and I never want to see that shit again! I never would have guessed that I would get hooked so fast! 4 days flew by in no time! I woke up with the worst headache,I can barley talk because my throt feal's like it's swolen and dried up! My whole body feal's like its broke, my lips are so chapped they crack and bleed!! And on top of it I have been sitting here all morning with a blank mind! Its like I broke it, its just not working! I catch my self zoning out about every 5 mins! You couldnt even imagin how much nasty stuff I have been coughing up from all the tweak/ciggs/weed I smoked! You thougt weed gives you a hell of a cotton mouth!! Shit this sucks! Another thing it's been 4 days since the last time I ate food! I couldnt eat anything! I tryed to forse down a Jr.Bacon cheeseburger but after chewing the first bite I knew their was no way in hell I was going to eat! The thought of any kind of food just makes me gag!! Bad stuff!

I have had many cracked out sunday comedowns, but this one takes the cake! This is one of the most powerfull drugs I have ever messed with. It can totally take control of you and make you do what the drug wants to do! But while your on it you just cant keep your hand out of the baggy! 

My addvice from my first time experanice: Leave this shit for the devil!! This is a drug that will take control of you and dry you up into a cracked out prune in no time! If I would have paid for this, my shit would be broke! I dunno if you have good control and could handle only doing a little bit, one or two pipes or a line or two, it wouldnt be all that bad! But it would turn into an addiction! Im actualy glad that my first time tryin it turned out like this because over what happend, I just never want to do it again! All as I wanted to do is smoke a bowl of it! Well I finished out doing over 3 grams of glass! I am one cracked out mother fucker right now and I will never touch this crap again and I hope you stay away from it too!! 

I mean damn.. Look at my post! Just about every other word is misspelled!! 

_What happend on my 4 Days of tweaking!!!_

_3am Wens - Thurs 5pm:_ 14 hours of playstation,smoking ciggys,and doing jack but chillin! Took shower, went to work at 5. 

_Thurs 5pm - 8pm Thurs:_ Work sucks. (I drive a tow truck) Thought I could handel it but went home sick! Got home took another shower and went to a house party!

_10pm Thurs - 5 am Friday:_ After smoking and snorting glass all night I am ready to go home and call it a night! A friend is like well everybodys going back to **** house! Im like well ok, just for a bit! 

_5am Friday - 10pm Friday:_ Turned into a day house party! About 6 hours of PS2, spun a 2 hour set, Hackey sak outside in the street and took another shower and went to work!

_10pm Friday - 3am Saturday:_ Work was ok, I impounded 17 cars in 5 hours witch is like crazy!! Damn tweaker!

_3am Saturday - 9 am Saturday:_ Went to a party, Got shut down, Went to the afterhours etc..etc..etc..! 

_9am Saturday - 8pm Saturday:_ Just when I thought it was over my 2 friends that I met up with at the party lost their car key's. So I said, lets go to my house, I realy realy need to take a shower and I'll take you an hour and a half away to your house! Got to their house and littlery get stuck!! Finaly decided after laying around stuck for hours that I really needed to get home, I tweak out the way home!

_8pm Saturday - 4am Sunday:_ Finaly Im home!! Never so glad to be home in all me life, Took a shower and got ready to pass the fuck out! My boss calls me at home and we get into a fight on the phone! (nothing to do with any of this, just some basic work drama that i have been getting sick of your along time) So now I drive 20 mins to work, clean my shit out of my truck on my day off and quit that job after 3 years of working there! Went home tweak is finaly just about gone and I smoke a J, cram in a 1/2 sandwich and pass out!

Cracked out Sunday I wake up, take a shower and rethink what excatly happend!

*71 hours total tweak time!*

About 80 hours without sleep!

Most of my friends are chewing my ass out online right now And some of them are like Dame thats one hell of a first time,why so much?  

This is something I will never do again! So think about what happend to me if you ever want to try _meth/glass/ice!_

Peace,
Moken

P.S. This shit made me feal grose as hell! For some reason I had to take a shower about every 8 hours to feal clean!
[ 28 April 2002: Message edited by: Mokenwee ]


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## plazma

Damn, cheers to everyone who's managed to kick their addiction in the bollocks. Props to those who are trying, and good luck to everyone.
On the debate as to the most addictive substance, it all depends on your personality. I know some people who find amphetamines the most addictive drug, others opiates. So on and so forth.
-plaz out-


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## roboto

oh please
i used it for a week (not straight up, mind you) and it was one of the best experiences of my life. However, im not from the midwest or west where it is definitely a big problem. People who are going to have a problem arent going to be helped by scare tactics.
I thought it was one of the best aphrodisiacs, i jammed with my band for 14 hours straight! 
dang, wish i had summa that!


----------



## Lady in Love

Don't Smoke Meth! It is fun at first but it only leads to bad things.


----------



## Wes0nXTC

I have few questions about Meth
What does it feel like?
What does it feel like when you fiend for it?
How is the addiction differnt then the one with ciggaretts?
One of my friends quit doing all drugs expect for Meth. He goes on and on how its so much better then xtc. How it makes you smarter and how the high last forever. I havent tried it and I dont plan on it after reading your story. Im hooked on weed and I cant stop. Thats some thing small. I have just started to roll. I have taken XTC 2 times with a month break in between. I love it so much. I dont want to take it too often. I can see myself taking it everyday if could. The way I stop myself is I only go clubbing one night a month. 
Thanks so much your story has change my mind!!!


----------



## FACE PAGE

I've gone through relapse and i feel like all you guys are intimidating the users with it. Relapse is apart of recovery, just know that every time you relapse the chances of recovery drastically decrease. Also something to keep in mind is that we addicts can't be social users. Don't lie to yourself and say you're going to use once and awhile. Every addict has told themself that at one time or another. Once you have an addiction to a drug, you have to stop, completely. Believe me it's worth it. Social users don't mess up their lives, addicts do. I also disagree with the weed thesis, saying to smoke a lot. You are just replacing meth with another drug, you aren't really helping yourself. IF anything try smokking a lot of cigarettes. You'd be surprised on how much you'd be able to smoke when you are coming off the drug. When i was first quitting meth, (400 dollar a week habit i had), i smoked practically 4 packs a day for a month straight. NO JOKE. But the oral fixation helped me keep my mind off meth, actually not really but it gave me something to do INSTEAD.Nicotine isn't good for you but it's a hell of a lot better to be a cigarette smoker than a meth railer.
ANYONE, i stress anyone, has the will power to quit meth. You just have to believe in yourself because everyone around you who cares about you (usually majority of your fam) believes in you. You can stop, you just have to want it bad enough.


----------



## Psychonaut777

Meth is one of the worst drugs I've used.
The initial rush is pretty nice and the "unlimited energy" feeling is nice.. But at the same time it makes you feel irrational, shaky, and paranoid. Not to mention that you'll find yourself tweaking out on the stupidest stuff.. like cleaning a glass piece for hours on end or playing videa games for days..
I was prescribed adderall and took it every day for 3 years. In small doses amphetamine/methamphetamine can be great. They get you motivated and active and there isn't a hard come down. Taken to the extreme, they can lead to serious craziness. Being up for days on end is NOT cool. I hate the feeling of being up all night without sleeping. Days on end tweaks people out and can seriously screw them up. It isn't cool.
Not to mention you forget to eat food and lose weight really fast. I started to feel like I looked like a tweaker after 2 years of adderall.. I can't imagine what a meth addict must feel like.
The body's natural wake/sleep cycle shouldn't be messed with. I think that methamphetamine is going to really screw a lot of things up in this world because people are going to start to think they can "escape" sleep. It's natural and neccessary! Without it we don't work right and are completely twacked out!
Not to mention the stuff is TERRIBLE on your body, whether you snort it or smoke it (or IV it for that matter). It's just all bad.


----------



## cravNbeets

When I joined Bl in November this was one of the first threads I read.  Cali boi's story was so moving and inspiring that words would not do it justice.  I myself have never had a problem with Meth, although I have used it.  
A few weeks ago I had some friends that were on a binge.  It was about 4 of them in an apt with basically an unlimited supply of Meth.  Nothing too terrible happened to anyone with the obvious exception of some lost brain cells.  I visited the apt a few days after the binge and was messing around on Bl and much to my suprise this thread had been bumped to the top.  
I forced my friends to read Cali's story one of them in particular identified with it very much.  As I said I'm not a tweaker but it looks like Cali Boi's tale may have reached out to yet another person on the edge.
I would like to offically thank Cali Boi for sharing not just your story but a part of yourself with this community.  Best wishes, peace, and love...
Andy


----------



## vinylgroover

so....i know my story is much like many others i have read here, but i just want to say that there is hope for those of you who want to stop using drugs. its inside YOU. im an addict from way back and i can tell you that rehab itself doesnt work. i have been twice and im still using. if I WANTED to stay clean, then i could. ive done it. however, its just "easier" to use. or is it?
maybe im living in a dream world. its possible. ive lived in all other sorts of "worlds"
what do you think? 
peenuts@juno.com


----------



## ChemMA

I've been bumping ice for almost a month now, on and off.  The reason for it not being constant is supply.  I can tell how hard it is to get off, because after a weeklong binge, not being able to have it until your buddy cooks again is a bitch.  The nausia and muscle crampings the next day after being clean are almost intollerable, but the magnetic pull to the meth is even stronger.  
If you havent tried it yet, stay away.  There are so many other fun thins out there that arent as addictive as ice! Plus, you wont be searching around your house for the DEA agents hiding in your bushes after a few days with no sleep and dilusions beginning to set in.


----------



## Dharma

Soul touching story.
Thank you for sharing.


----------



## UWG_goddess

I'd like to thank you for this post.  I don't have a problem myself, but so many of my close friends do.  I can see their dependency growing, and it seems that everyday they match up to one more symptom of addiction.  It sucks to see your friends destroying their lives, but no matter what you say they don't think they have a problem.  I guess it's hard to take advice from someone who isn't going through or hasn't been through your situation.  Cuz the truth is I really don't know how hard it is and I really don't know what's it is like.  But with stories like yours it's easier to get a point across.  I plan to show this to a few of my closest friends in hopes that it will make them seriously think.  Thank you.


----------



## qetuo

cheers for your story.  
i can relate to a lot of what you've said coz i've been "there" too
obviously not to the exact same "places"... i don't know exactly what you went through, or what you did, but i've been there, you know what i mean
but i have a question to put to you... 
what do you mean.._ "the Meth World"( is really ugly)????!!!  I still find a coupla things you said kinda sketchy...coz if you are still doing E and stuff, you are kinda still in the Meth World, ... yes(to the other person) it sort of is "all around you", coz if you go clubbing, you are bound to bump into someone who is either on it, or got some on them... every night i've been out, i've just been able to "find" some.... 
i don't get it, if you were that addicted, you'd be able to "seek them out" when you're clubbing(coz you say you still are),....and how do you stop yourself from doing it again, if it's that close????
please clear that up for me,
P eace


----------



## qetuo

i'm putting that question to Cali Boi and anyone else who could clear that up for me...
just looking at the date of your post now, i realise it's been over a year since you wrote that.... 
how are things going for you now?  i hope you are well away from that shit and have and never will do it again...


----------



## PLUR--Grl

Thanks for writing ur story, i once considerd trying meth, but since i read ur story im more concious of not doing it. Its prob as bad as heroin.
I hope u stay clean! laterzz


----------



## Mick

Thanks for the post Cali..Ive been fighting a meth addiction of my own for months on end and I can say your post has really effected me, I still have that voice however in the back of my head saying one last time..Just theres been so many last times for me now I've lost track. I know I'll always probably crave it, but at least I know some of us have escaped the allure of meth... Thank you again for the inspiring post..

Cheers


----------



## Mick

qetuo said:
			
		

> what do you mean.._ "the Meth World"( is really ugly)????!!!  I still find a coupla things you said kinda sketchy...coz if you are still doing E and stuff, you are kinda still in the Meth World



I can try and anwser why the meth world is really ugly...being in the meth culture is competly diffrent than going to a rave with meth heads at it. In the meth scene out here everyone is so self centered and fiending for one more point they'll do anything. Alot of the time when Im getting high with these people I think there the greatest people in the world till we run out of meth and I realize what kind of filth all of us really are. 

The major diffrence is..where raves tend to be big love fest..the meth world is just *give me my meth and fuck the rest*....I don't know how other meth heads feel about my post, but from my personal experience thats how its been.


----------



## spacekittyjoanne

Having been toying with the idea of trying meth on its own now for sometime, had it with k accidently once and found it very intense indeed., its over in London now and my contact for liquid k is now offering it. Im glad i read this one thing i hadnt realised is its a form of amphetamine with which i had a ongoing addiction for over 6 yrs, havent touched it for nearly 2.

That story sounds slightly familiar, maybe ill stay away from it reading this and other posts, seems is a mega problem in America, i hope it doesnt get that way in the uk but i suspect after reading several articles it will...  

You say if it stopped one person from taking meth it would be worthwhilst writing your story, ill be staying clear now my attention has been drawn to what a severe drug this is, i will be sticking to ketamine.  Have a friend with a meth problem but didnt think much of it till i read this and other posts ( im fairly new to bluelight )

I wish you all the luck, ive been there and came out the other end be it with amphetamine rather than meth

Jo x


----------



## 247

"an addiction i would wish upon my worst enemy."
bone-chilling stuff mate


----------



## twiggy_stardust

Thank you for the story. It very much reminds me of my own horror story with meth, except like jungle said, I haven't quit completely yet either. 

I had always been a pretty good kid and then just after highschool I got interested in trying new drugs just to see what they were like. I smoked pot with friends when I could and tried ecstacy and stuff like that at parties and raves. The one day me and my friend B came across a friend who wanted to sell us some crank. Since I had never tried it, I was eager to do so. We smoked it off foil that first night. Right away I loved it. We finished what we had and got more. We sold half of it for what we paid for it so we could get more. For three days strait we did this. 

My mom kicked me out of the house and since I didn't know where I was going to sleep, I just got more speed and was up for the next six days strait. Needless to say, I was pretty much hooked. I completely changed. All I could think about was meth. Where to get more. Who to sell to so I could support my habbit. Every time I had money, I would spend it on meth. Nothing else. I would steal food, ciggarettes, or anything else I needed because I had to save my money for speed, the one thing I couldn't steal.

About 5 months into my addiction (it seemed like years) I was hanging out with my friends M and C and both of them were shooting up. I watched. I wondered what it was like. Then one day M asked if I wanted to try it. I told him sure because I was always up for trying something new. So he let me try it. I had always thought I would NEVER shoot up but trying it JUST ONCE sounded harmless enough. After that first time, I never wanted to smoke it again. I was hooked on the needle as much as the drug.

Two months after that I was homeless, living in a tent. I would panhandle with M and C all day, steal food or eat out of trashcans when we had to, and then when we had enough money we would call our dealer who would come deliver our meth to us. Evetually someone burned down our tent, my car was impounded, we all went to jail a few times, we stayed random places with random people.

Finally my mom let me go back home if I would agree not to do drugs. So I told her I would stop. But two weeks after I got home, I got on my bike and went to down and road around all my old friends houses but they all seemed vacant (later found out lots of dealers in my home town had got busted). Finally I found one of my old friend who introduced me to this guy T. The next day I found T again and he hooked me up. T became my dealer over the next few months. Any time I could manage to get a little money together I would find T. Then T ripped me off $40 one day and I didn't see him again. For two months I was unable to get any meth. But then I hitchiked to a concert and on my way home this guy picked me up and we started talking and realized with both did speed. So we bought $100 worth and tweaked for 4 days strait. And then he became my dealer.................................. and the story waits to be finished. 

But that is my story and it's amazing how fast meth can completely change a person, and their life.


----------



## LapDawg

I've been here for years now and I've just come across this. I've never used Meth, but I know plenty of people who do...and I don't have a problem with that. I just hope their life story does not become a parallel to this thread. Cali Boy, if you ever come around these parts anymore, thank you for your courage to share your touching story.


----------



## kiwikr720

Props to all those who can and do stay clean from a meth addiction.  I dare any doctor to tell me that meth addicts do not go through both mental and physical withdrawal.  While I do not downplay heroine at all, I consider meth to be the hardest drug.  The percentage of addicts who recover?  6 percent....only 6 percent.


----------



## Pasilda Nacera

That is a very touching story, I'm glad that even though meth can take you away as long as you have friends and family that support you, it is possible to conquer addiction.


----------



## HypnotiQ

Damn that post really hit home.. a good friend of mine used to be a meth addict before he got clean and just went back to bud... now I am worried he has started using again and is heading back into that downward spiral.

Great to see you are well on your road to recovery.  It's been a long time since i've read something that powerful and moving.. when you wrote about your experience on xmas eve it brought tears to my eyes... I put myself in your position and thought of just how horrible that would be.  I hope you are still clean.. oh and you did help some1 not want to experiment with meth, you couldve just saved my life :]


----------



## HypnotiQ

er my computer is broken and doesn't let me see my old posts sometimes :[ delete plz


----------



## jimbojones5678

I can't believe all you have to say is that meth is crap! I have a simililar if not worse tale about my habit but I don't regret it at all. I had some FANTASTIC times with meth and met some insane people that have shaped me into who I am. I suffer heavy side effects mentally and internally from injecting massive quantities but thats cool, I would definatly tell someone what might happen to them but I wouldn't ever try and persuade them not to do it.


----------



## e5th3r

amazing post.


----------



## Pillish

jimbojones5678 said:
			
		

> *. I suffer heavy side effects mentally and internally from injecting massive quantities but thats cool, I would definatly tell someone what might happen to them but I wouldn't ever try and persuade them not to do it. *


LOL I suffer heavy side effects mentally and internally from taking massive quantities of ecstasy but I sure would like some meth!


----------



## Ch0ng4

I had the same problem w/ yayo....did it first time like a year and a half ago at keg races at a friends college.....found a connection like 5-6 months ago......would get powder like 2 times a week, which is alot....lost motivation in school, failed an entire semester.....thought i was gonna O.D. one night, heart started pounding like crazy.....i went straight to the cross on my wall, and prayd for the first time in a few years.....heart slowed down after awhile...told myself i wouldnt touch it again..and i havent...... lost touch w/ all my contacts(on purpouse) and have had it offered to me at random...but have stuck by my guns and said no thanks......hard drugs are a BITCH, for those who are into em` please be careful and know that you can get addicted before you know it.......im just glad i didnt get too far into it, i dont know where i would be now ......


----------



## Nimrod4154

Great story. The only addiction I have been through is ecstacy, and it only lasted about a month. I would go to school after taking E around midnight feeling like shit and depressed, and craving more. 

I guess the best motto for drugs is "What comes up must come down."
I guess it doesn't really apply to weed(Which is my drug of choice) but for most it does.


----------



## citames

Meth is a horrible and deceptive drug. Although some people get hooked after only one or two tries, it's a slower process for others. Addictions just creep up on some people. For example, two years ago my friend S (at the time she was only 14 or 15) smoked speed for her first time at a friend's birthday party. She didn't touch the stuff for at least another month. Before long, she had turned into a weekend warrior. Of course, this was causing her to feel like roadkill on Mondays, so she decided to only come to school between Tuesday-Friday. It wasn't long before she completley stopped attending school. She would go missing for a week and only come home to sleep for a day. At one point she was experiencing a bit of meth and sleep-dep induced psychosis. She came home and demanded money from her parents. S ended up stabbing her stepfather in the leg. She's been in and out of several rehab programs and if I had a dime for every time she's relapsed I'd be a millionare. She called me a week ago and told me that she's now living at her own place and she has a job (which she lost for not showing up two days in a row...I wonder why?). Is there any way I can help a person who doesn't even want help?


----------



## MasterVampire

that story really cuts deap to the bone


----------



## thizzSantaCruz

Great story.  I am not sure anyone reads this thread anymore but brilliant writing.  I am sure your story alone has prevented some people from trying the drug that could lead to the same situation that you were in.

I hope you can completely stay away from the drug that controlled your life.

I had recently entered into a relationship with someone addicted to meth.  It has introduced me to a lot of the lifestyle but I never tried it.  After actually getting to know her real personality I knew that the relationship could never last.  I tried to get her to get help but there was no reasoning.  I pray that eventually she can be as succesful as you were.


----------



## kevz

Thanks for sharing all that information.  It definately makes me re-think all the shit in my life even tho I'm not an addict.  I've done meth plenty of times and it is the one drug I vow to never touch again in my entire life.  It's disgusting and I know exactly the kind of party ur talking about when you say "a darker atmosphere."  Best of luck in the future, stay clean, and thanks again for sharing.  If you ever contemplate doing "the white demon" again, re-think about the story you just told us.  Stay strong.


----------



## Bass_Head

nice write up man. i guess im one of the lucky ones than. cuz i tried meth for the 1st and last time in 2005. i thought it was pretty cool but the days after was the worst. when i would smoke weed, i would start to feel all fucked up and wiging out. i would be twitching and shit. it was scary. i felt likei was loosing control of my bodies movements whenever i would smoke weed. this lasted for about a wk. im not sure if this has ever happened to anyone else. frm that point on, i was like, ill stick with xtc, weed, shrooms and lsd


----------



## shlack123

This is a very good read, and, in most cases, true.  Across the board.  I remember starting my meth abuse, and I thought I was on top of the world.  I was proud of the fact that I did dope, and I was always on cloud nine...until one day I realized I was doing meth to feel normal, and didn't have much else to be happy about.  I abandoned my career as a computer tech supports specialist (I kept the job, but quit trying to advance myself, and called in sick alot because I didn't sleep the night before).  

I ended up getting arrested for marijuana possession (thankfully not meth), and attended rehab and did the probation thing.  But all it made me do is be more secretive and careful of my "3-day Drug" use.  After probation was up, I stayed off of the dope...for a while.

This drug is definitely one that will alter your perception of the world around you.  You feel so great inside, but when you are coming down, you feel like the most rotten person in the world.  You either want more, or want to pass out.  And neither usually happens.  I would spend the entire next day after an all-nighter with my heart pounding, laying in bed begging for sleep, only to still be deprived for the rest of the day.  I would end up with maybe 5 hours sleep over a two day period, or less.  

I developed a huge porn habit while on meth as I couldn't find a girl on dope (thankfully in retrospect).  I would spend the entire time I was alone and flying high watching porn and thinking of nothing but sex.  It was the loneliest 3 years of my life.  

I have since kicked the habit, and I haven't been spun out in over 3 years (woohoo!), and I would offer a stern warning to those of you looking to try this drug...

If you don't want to live for yourself anymore; if you don't want other things to matter anymore; if you don't want to be close to your family anymore; if you don't want to live much longer; if you want to do irreversible damage to your heart, liver, and lungs; if you want to go days on end without sleep or proper nourishment; if you want to drive those around you not using the drug away, and alienate yourself from the rest of the world; if your life is empty and you would only like to expedite the dying process...

...then by all means, go ahead and start using meth.


----------



## Angus_Khan

Uplifting story, thanks for sharing that and that's great you have made it over 2 years clean. jungle_addict, you are writing what you wrote because you are still sane and you do care about yourself, it's a kind of self-therapy. Anyhow, sad story there but where there is still life there is ALWAYS hope!


----------



## Jones Soda

Liquid Latex , Bright Colors


----------



## That-Strange-Guy

I have tried to contact the OP both by email, and by PM several months ago with no reply. I really hope he is alright and still off meth. This story touched me deep because I went through a similar patch in my life.

Some drugs can be fucked. Best wishes to you all


----------



## Godzilla

Holly shit what an amazing story.  Thank god for this write up.  I have been recently trying to source meth and now im done with that stupid ass idea. I noticed the original poster wrote it many years ago.  I hope he is ok.  
My idea was similar to that of MDMA I figured that I am strong enough to only take it once a month max and well why not try meth and do the same.  He is right when he said many of us are constantly looking for the next bigger and better high, Most of us on this forum have very addictive personalities. Im allways trying to push the limit and think becasue im so young, healthy and inteligent that I can control anything thrown at me.  I never have had a "bad expierience with drugs" "bad trip" and I think well its my personality I just immune to any negative effects.  This really opened my eyes.  
Obviously the abuse potential is way higher with meth.  Thanks again.


----------



## Phoebus

really good story.

It seems that meth is bigger in the US than the UK, as I've never seen it around. Probably a good thing.


----------



## OND43X

Phoebus said:


> really good story.
> 
> It seems that meth is bigger in the US than the UK, as I've never seen it around. Probably a good thing.



from what people in uk tell me, there isnt really a meth scene in uk (yet) u guys have amphetamine sulfate. meth is a problem in us, ca, au and nz and asia


----------



## stager biscuit

congrats man keep fighting the good fight i had a similar exp. with oxycontin so just you all know it can happen with any drug addiction is no joke


----------



## maxalfie

I am so glad I read yr post as I have been wanting to try meth myself for ages. I am a heroin addict so uppers not usually my thing but my curiosity was getting the better of me. After reading what you went through it has totally turned me against wanting to try it now. Good luck with your continuing recovery


----------



## Dmytry

thanks for that post.  i really think i would have tried meth in the future, if only out of curiosity


----------



## masspain

I have done Meth a bunch of times, but have not done it in many years. It just held no appeal for me. I never truely enjoyed it all that much, but Heroin on the other hand is my vice.....


----------



## The Rock Monster

Masspain: you and me both.

I have done meth many times. But it was never my thing. i never really enjoyed it. Never ended up staying up. Always got a good nights sleep. 

Also, it seems that people that like coke dont like G, and the same the otherr way around. There are obvious differences between the drugs. Myself, I prefer coke over meth, but still, only on occasion. Not really often. I like to chill out.


----------



## dkmonk

I read to were you were buying 8 balls of meth for 100 bucks and stopped because anyone who does meth knows damn well nobody sells ball for 100 bucks.


----------



## Cupkillerr

Thank you very very much for that post. I struggle with many addictions but if im ever offered crank i'll take your warning. Thanks again it really helped and good job staying clean! Im not religious but i will pray for you to have god help u not relapse


----------



## RECA

I had a friend that tried meth one time and didn't know what it was until after he smoked it, luckily it scared him to death. You gotta be careful.


----------



## TheLostBoys

I never liked stimulants, they are a huge turn off for me. I tried coke like 5 times in my life & hated it every time. I had to drink wine to level off. I hated how my heart would go nuts whike I sat there doing coke. Makes no sense to me. I even hate drinking coffee & havent touched coffee or anything with caffeine since 1993. 

I remember back in college when a kid was selling crack, he asked if I wanted some for free & I told him to take a hike. The thing that scared me of doing it was how people look & how they turn out after getting addicted, simply scared me from not touching it. Same thing with meth, seen how your story & other stories I read & how lives are destroyed & some of the pictures of meth addicts, wow, disgusting looking & thats why I never touched meth. Last time I touched coke was 2003 & wont be touching it ever again. 

Did have some Neuro Blast from the U.K. which is a pill that keeps you up for over 24 hours but never made my heart beat like coke or never gave me the edgy feeling like caffeine. Anyway, I stopped taking those pills several years ago also. I only took a handful of those pills over the course of 3 years. I never could sustain abusing a drug for long periods of time. I simply get bored of them. Like, blah.....I dont wanna do this shit anymore, it just doesnt do it for me, thats how I get & maybe thats a good thing.

I just cant see how someone keeps doing meth like the original poster for long periods of time w/o getting enough sleep & having your heart beat like you about to have a heart attack every time & keep doing it over & over every night, just insane imo. 

Glad you were able to stop the meth & clean up. Enjoy your sobriety & have fun in life, because we're only here for a while.


----------



## OND43X

dkmonk said:


> I read to were you were buying 8 balls of meth for 100 bucks and stopped because anyone who does meth knows damn well nobody sells ball for 100 bucks.



it would be if it was powdered shit these days lol... But i think this guys story is quite afew years old (1990's perhaps), and the cost of meth just in the last decade in USA/Aus/NZ has at least doubled in price. also the meth he was talking about could well of been an impure form of crystal meth (leaves dark residue in pipe). what is important though is what his story is trying to teach i think..


----------



## DrapedUpDopedOut

He did say he had a hookup on the dope though. Great story, it really touched home for me, my whole situation/story was plotted quite similar in most situations to that. :/


----------



## JBrandon

A decade later and still an amazing story. Thank you again.


----------



## iamstone

much respect...

salute to you ma'am


----------



## Darksidesam

whoah from your experience meth sounds pure evil


----------



## cali_qt_boi

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply...It's been so long since I've logged into Bluelight - I've been living my life and working full time for a very respected corporation.  I was just telling a best friend of mine my past experience with Meth and remember this post I made of Bluelight years ago...I'm surprised that it's still here ***and happy that it's still here for others to see*** And yes - I am still clean and LOVING life!  I hope this message finds you well and in good spirit, That-Strange-Guy!  Blessings to you, my friend!


----------



## cali_qt_boi

I am OK, Godzilla!  And I'm happy to see this story helped you to realize the abuse potential of meth.  It's a road that leads to nowhere!  Blessings to you, Godzilla!


----------



## cali_qt_boi

Definitely a good thing, Phoebus!    I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season!


----------



## cali_qt_boi

Agreed, Stager...Although there are some drugs that I believe can be controlled (marijuana being one of them) - Meth is the one drug I highly disapprove of in my life!  I hope you're doing well this evening...Keep on smiling, Stager biscuit!!!  :-D


----------



## cali_qt_boi

Thanks so much for sharing that with me, maxalfie!  If I steer even one person away from using it, than this story was worth the time it took me to write.  Blessings to you, maxalfie!


----------



## cali_qt_boi

I'm so happy to hear you speak in the past tense, Dmytry ("really think I *would have*").  Meth addiction is a ruthless and relentless BITCH...Please don't ever try it.  Smoke a J instead!  BE HAPPY!    Blessings, Dmytry!


----------



## cali_qt_boi

masspain and The Rock Monster - Consider yourselves lucky.  I thank the universe that you guys didn't have to go through what I endured.  I hope this message finds the both of you in good spirit!  Blessings!


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## cali_qt_boi

dkmonk - you must remember...This experience was 12 years ago when prices were lower.  And I was buying crank (not crystal) which is much cheaper (and a lot dirtier).  I hope you are well and wish you nothing but the best, dkmonk!  Shine your light to the world!


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## cali_qt_boi

Thank you for the post, Cupkillerr!    Sorry it's taken so long to reply.  I don't log into Bluelight all that much anymore.  I am still clean and living a responsible and successful life.  Keep on loving and keep on smiling, Cupkillerr...And you're welcome for the post!  Blessings, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

RECA - Your friend is blessed to react to methamphetamine that way.  Had I reacted the same way, I wouldn't have gone through such a horrible ordeal in my late teens.  Looking back, however (12 years ago) - I wouldn't have changed a thing.  I needed to experience that to give me the insight to help others in the same situation (and I have helped others).  I'm so happy your friend did not like meth.  Blessings to you, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

TheLostBoys - Thank you for the post...And and I am sober (except for weed) and enjoying life.  I have a fantastic full time job and have surrounded myself with positive and loving people.  I hope this message finds you well, wherever you're at on the East Coast.  Blessings, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

OND43X - I couldn't have put it better myself.    Thank you for the support.  (LOVE your Avatar BTW...LOL)!!!  Blessings, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

Good evening, DrapedUpDopedOut!  Unfortunately, my story rings true to far too many meth addicts (and ex addicts).  I still dream sometimes about doing meth (even after 12 years).  I hope you conquered your white demon!  With love, light and peace, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

JBrandon - WOW!  That put a smile on my face...AND YOU'RE WELCOME!  It's so nice to see someone who read my story at the time I wrote it, only to comment on it again more than a decade later!  I hope this message finds you well.  I hope you're on top of your world and loving your life.  Blessings to you, my friend!


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## cali_qt_boi

Thank you for the respect, iamstone!  Just one minor correction...LOL...I was born with a penis!    (you're not that far off though...LOL)!!!  Blessings to you and I hope you have a marvelous evening!


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## cali_qt_boi

Meth is pure evil, darksidedsam - Please do not find out for yourself!  I hope this message finds you in good spirit!  Blessings to you, darksidedsam!


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## Darksidesam

Im not a fan of speed or base, let alone Meth (tried base once, never again), wouldn't worry lol


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