# RIP wesmdow



## blissfulMenace

wesmdow aka s1ck passed his morning..

i dont know what else to say


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## Swerlz

RIP dude


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## getreal

OMG....this is *very very *sad news for me.   We spoke by PM quite a few times.
I'm at a loss for words. God Bless.


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## Hannah Capps

as I stated in the si thread...I want to self injure...He was one of the few that spoke to me and cared, I'm at a loss for words...


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## zombiesarepeaceful

What the fuck? 
How, if anyone minds me asking?

Rest in peace buddy...didn't know you, but read your posts.

Aw shit, I didn't realize s1ck = wesmdow...I remember wesmdow from a long time ago...


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## Mariposa

^I don't yet have all the facts nor permission to say.  blissfulMenace can provide more details as they come in if he chooses.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Wesmdow.  My thoughts are with him, his friends, his family and everyone whose life he touched through Bluelight.  I never personally knew him or communicated with him, but I followed his struggles and I wish the people who knew and loved him well peace.

If there is anything TDS staff can do to help with the grief, please feel free to PM any of us.  

RIP wesmdow, you will be missed by many.  I hope you are at peace now.


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## burn out

i didn't know him on a personal level but i remember posting in one of his threads just a few days ago. i also would like to know what happened.


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## center

*Pierre...*

I can't believe this happened. When BM told me what happened, I was in shock. I still am in shock.

Pierre (aka wesmdow/s1ck) was one of my best friends. Even though we were a country apart, he knew me just as well as people I saw in my daily life. I told him before that if we ever lost contact, for some reason, that it would be hard to ever forget him. I never thought I would be losing contact with him like this, though. I remember the last time I talked to him.

Pierre...man...I love you like my own brother. You have been my friend to talk with for years. I feel like I've grown up with you, even if we've only ever known eachother in text.

I love you man. I'll miss you.

 R.I.P Pierre


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## blissfulMenace

i know most of the details. im just not sure what i should share..

he died of a heroin overdose. his mom found him in his bed about 11 today and called the paramedics. They were unable to recussitate him(sp?)

if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them.. il share what i can.
all of his friends are here with me and were talkin about the good times.

its a fucking sad day. my great grandma also passed away at 102 years old today. ive never experienced anything like this


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## 'medicine cabinet'

wow, im at a loss for words.ive talked to him thru PM's a few times a while ago, i didnt know s1ck was his new handle. thats crazy. he will be missed.


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## chopped_chimp

Damn.  That's really bad news.   

Wesmdow always spoke exactly what he thought and seemed to have heaps of compassion.  He liked to try his best to help other people, and often did... damn...

My thoughts go out to all his mates and family.  

Rest In Peace brother.  

(blissfulMenace, I'm really sorry about your Great Grandma too   What an awful day.)


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## ocean

I didn't know him .But I know BL is a tight community and many of you were close to him. I am sorry for your loss. 
Rest in Peace.


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## sc4t

My condolences to all of his friends and family. I've visited a lot of his threads and he was a real contribution to Bluelight. RIP to both wesmdow/s1ck and your great grandma, they will both be missed.


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## chicpoena

Even though I did not know him personally I enjoyed reading his posts. I'm in shock cuz I've been reading BL for years and his screename was familiar to me. This is so shitty... that's an understatement . I'm sure a lot of people on BL are really hurting and my heart goes out to you


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## purplefirefly

This is a horrible thing to have happen.

Please blers, be safe out there and take care of yourselves. There's always a light at the end of a tunnel no matter how dark things may seem.

Peace wesmdow.


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## Jamshyd

Shit.

I remember talking to pierre and giving him some advice. His life was going up and down all the time. I hope he felt as little fear as possible upon dying. 

He rests in peace now.


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## swilow

Fuck that is such a shock...RIP Wes


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## eon_blue

oh man 

He just had a thread in TDS about how he decided to relapse too...fuck...such an unfortunate reminder of how fragile life can be.

rest in peace dude


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## Lil' Stella

omg! I'm gonna be crying for soooo long. I really miss him already. man WTF! he was so cool and nice. omg, why???????


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## Swerlz

lady was telling me about this, bout the same time you told her.. 

dude, im really sorry..

PM me if you wanna chat


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## ladyinthesky

RIP wesmdow 

being a member of bluelight makes me feel like most of you are sorta like family to me and when something like this happens it breaks my heart and im sure it does for others on here too

blissfulMenace you have my number call me or text me if you wanna chat

be safe everyone


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## Lil' Stella

_sorry, i know you meant well, but i dont recall Pierre ever posting a picture of himself, and we are not allowed to post pictures of others with out their permission, BlueLighters or not. 

i hope you understand._


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## paranoid android

Fuckin hell i dunno what to say poor pierre. I just found out about this and it's like a punch in the guts. I was gonna call him last night but nodded off and went to bed.

 R.I.P  .


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## stellablue

I am so upset right now. I can't even think of him not being around to chat to. I will miss Pierre so much. He was such a help with so many suicide threads with me on TDS, I can't even count the hours we spent. For hours he would give his time, even when he was as high as ever. I will tell you that is one man, I think is in heaven right now. He was such a wonderful caring friend. He was also the best artist. You can look in the gallery and see his work, he had talent. He would be on to me, to talk to admin. for an art forum here on BL. He was always on here, BL. This was his home. He loved all of us here, and this is a hug loss in our community. I will never have another friend like you, Pierre. I love you, and want to see you happy. I hope you are free from all I know that wounded you. I am so at a loss of words. My sweet Pierre. I will never be the same without you........why does this happen?


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## Damien

NO NO NO NO NO is all you can think. Man. What a shock. Man.  No .


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## Lil' Stella

No!


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## fenix_starr

Really sorry to hear this . . . so heart breaking. 

Keep strong, my dears.


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## blissfulMenace

i just hope some people take this to heart and learn from it.

he was my best friend. and another one of my friends is headed down the same path....
i can only hope this shows him the light


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## Ham-milton

Wow, I'm so sad.  I hadn't really talked to him much, but wow.  You can never expect things like this.  A risk I think we all realized could happen, but who ever thought it would?


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## indelibleface

So sad. He'll be missed.


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## Ishtar_Isis

*Rest In Peace*

The loss of Wes is so incredibly sad.......   

He was BL family, especially here in TDS......we followed his ups and downs and tried to help and support him as much as we could.....
this is such a shock.... 

Absolutely tragic, crying tears of utter sadness................

Rest In Peace sweetheart, My heart goes out to your family and friends. You will be in my prayers

 Isis


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## stellablue

^ Good words Bec, I really do think that this is tragic, for all of us. What a loss of a great friend. I will miss him so much.


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## indelibleface

I mean, wow, to watch someone reach out to us and to be so thankful of the support of his fellow Bluelighters, and then to just lose the fight only days later -- it's so, so unfortunate. To all of the people who posted in s1ck's thread -- you all did everything you could, and everyone said what should have been said, given the situation. Please continue to reach out to people in need with open arms like that.


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## stellablue

^ it is getting harder, but I will always fight to help with open arms, all of TDS staff and posters do. We are a tight community. I hope we always stay this close.


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## spork

Rip


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## PriestTheyCalledHim

R.I.P. Wes/s1ck.


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## panic in paradise

RIP

this is such a tragic loss, especially to his family and friends, who he always spoke of on the best terms. he LOVED his parents, when i think of him posting, happily and freely, it was speaking of them, and his grandmother. 

it is so hard to understand how some people can use these drugs for decades, and some people for days, it makes no sense, it just is. 

he was loved and appreciated here, he was a positive person, a caring soul, and an optimist at heart.

love to you and yours, from us.


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## wizekrak

Unfortunate to say the least.


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## Fishface

RIP, Wes, and sincerest condolences to his family and friends


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## happyus

i really don't know what to say....except RIP sweetie, we will all miss you.-x-


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## getreal

I'm so upset over Pierre's passing.
He was the one who HELPED save ME when I was recently on the brink of death.
Its a sad day for alot of us.
Pierre, I will miss you


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## monstanoodle

Didn't know him but that doesn't matter. One of "ours" has gone and it's always a horrible thing to lose someone to their own guilty pleasures...
I read he was going through a bad patch with relapse...

Condolences to all who knew and loved him


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## MyDoorsAreOpen

I was never close with him, and we never frequented the same forums, but I remember him from my early days here, and was well aware he was a BLer of high repute. Shine on you crazy diamond.


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## Jackal

Ah crap.



RIP.


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## stellablue

Damn Pierre, I have cried alnight my friend. I miss you already. RIP.


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## threelibras99

aw that's really depressing. I never knew him personally, but read a lot of his posts. RIP, man.

Today has also been the two year mark since my boyfriend (robofrance29) passed away. Such sad times, what the hell.


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## Boiling in Acid

fuck...

RIP buddy. i don't know what to say...

My friend, I hope you're in a better place now.


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## Teknique

I send my condolences to  TDS boards, 

Rip wesmdow


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## Fight Club

RIP Pierre - I will miss you

FC


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## haribo1

I spoke witt this chap a number of times and he was always great. I owe him so much because he saved Getreal from killing herself. She is now my wife. We would have never met, fell in love & married... I owe him a LOT.
Right now I'm thinking of his close friends and relatives. Terrible for someone to die before their time and awful to think that the images of his final shot will be consuming their minds.
People should look beyond that at someone who helped a lot of people, so he really did leave a legacy behind him. Better than money or earthly goods, he left many people with a better mind-set than before they talked with him.

Hope your looking down on us right now, man, we are all thinking of you.


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## zombiesarepeaceful

Shit...

I was looking at my PMs and found one he sent me when I was suicidal...he had such a heart and I can tell he loved to have a positive impact on people. I never returned his PM. Fuck.

This reminds me how tight a community BL is. Hang in there guys.


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## Psychlone Jack

I was familiar with both wesmdow and s1ck, never knew they were one in the same.  So sad...  a real reminder of how fragile life is; here one day and gone the next.  RIP bro.


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## cucarot

RIP Pierre .


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## stellablue

damn damn damn. You are going to be missed old friend. *wipes away tear*


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## Boiling in Acid

from my short meeting with him, while he talked to me when i was in a really bad mindstate i was impressed that he's a great person with big heart, & allways enjoyed to read his posts. it seems that god always takes the best of us up there.

R.I.P. Wes my bro!


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## OctoberMoon

now you can fly....


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## Limpet_Chicken

I hardly knew him, but we spoke once or twice, RIP man, know we are all sore to lose one of us.


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## B9

R.I.P. Wemsdow. 

Everything else I seem to type seems inadequate  & so I leave it at that


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## paranoid android

I just can't believe he's dead i was talking to him a few days ago on AIM and he seemed in good spirits. He was abit bummed out about relapsing on smack but overall he was happy. He told me to call him soon because he liked talking to me and i was going to the night before he died but i went to sleep instead.

 I wish i had made that call now i'll never get to talk to him again  .

 R.I.P man. I'll see you in the next one pierre.


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## OctoberMoon

I cant stand it!!! NONONONONONONONONO


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## zzITCHY420zz

RIP Pierre........


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## mukant666

Damn man... That's all I can say. Barely got to know him. He called me the night he OD'ed but I was asleep and feel fucked up I didn't have a chance to speak to him before he died.

RIP Pierre.


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## sonic

RIP man. This is shock indeed. I didn't know him outside of the board, but he contributed to a lot of threads and he will be missed.


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## youarewhatyouis

*Rest
In 
Paradise*


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## FractalStructure

Truly sad news. RIP buddy. Im glad we at least know when one of the community has passed away, we're a caring bunch of junkies/etards/psychonauts/stoners/mushroomheads, and everything in between. I recall talking to "s1ck" in the past... but never knew him... its really sad, dope OD huh?


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## randycaver

such a shame.


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## nikol

I regret never having the chance to get to know him.


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## Xorkoth

...


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## GlassAss420

Wow I remember him posting a month ago or so saying he had like 3-4 months clean from H and benzos. He was posting under Wesmeadow then.. I even remember posting something in his thread, he was talking about starting a web site for some kind of art, really sounded like he was doing good then..

Its so tragic when someone dies like that, and for his mother to have to find him like that.. 

I don't have anything else to say but to send my condolences to his friends and family.. RIP WES.


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## edarrin

> hope he felt as little fear as possible upon dying.




Well that's one thing. I doubt he felt any fear or pain whatsoever. Just sort of pleasantly faded away. Either that or he passed out almost immediately (which is more likely) since it appears it was a relapse.

I've OD (been brought back) before and I didn't feel a thing. I didn't realize the situation I was in either. I came to angry about being 'woken up'. Seemed like I was in an incredible nod. Wife brought me back after finding me blue in the basement. I'm lucky she checked in time or i'd be dead now myself. 

RIP. I also followed some of his struggles on here and it is a lose for the group at large.


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## captainballs

i really liked that guy, it just goes to show that even the best people are always at risk to the lives they lead. It's just so pathetic that everyone is relegated to being a warning sign, when in reality they were so much more


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## lolitsjohn

No fuckin way


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## igotthatwork

Horrible news.

RIP man.


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## fizzle

I havent posted on BL since before Christmas, but I talked with Pierre the night before he died, about this very thing in fact. I dont really know what to say but I felt I should say something because I consider him one of my closest friends. 

Pierre, you are already missed terribly. I hope you're happier where you are now. I'm sorry all our plans never got a chance. You were well on your way to becoming a great artist, anyone could see that. You will always be a great friend, even in death.

Sean, I know theres nothing I can say, just know that I'm here for you, and thank you for being there for me.

I thought this was all some kind of cruel joke when I heard... I'm still hoping it is...


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## psychedelicious

shame, Pierre was a great guy. 

RIP


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## drug_wench

oh god thats awful - ive talked to him a few times - he was on my MSN messenger list
seemed like a great guy
RIP pierre


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## sushii

My god. This is terrible.

Pierre was one of the most helpful and supportive posters here. He was struggling with his own problems but always tried to help out others, even though I think he found BL frustrating at times....there are so many that could attest to the impact he had in TDS. 

I don't know what else to say. He'll be greatly missed.


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## vibr8tor

very sad.  my thoughts go out to his family, and everyone here who was close with him


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## guineaPig

aw man. thats just fuckin' lame  
R.I.P.


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## PinholeStar

R.I.P. man.


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## Kerrigan

I've considered this for some time. 
And so, I'm not going to say anything.


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## uacvax

=(, hope you're in a better place now.


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## ValeTudo

That is a stone cold shame. RIP


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## TheodoreRoosevelt

RIP man you'll be missed.

How do people even find out if a Bluelighter died anyways, that kinda surprises me... 

And so many Bluelighters here to contribute too, amazing how quick a community can come together.

Such a shame, I literally dropped my jaw...


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## notauniquesnowflake

I never really got to speak with wesmdow but I loved reading his posts. This is really sad, the last thing we need is to lose another Bluelighter.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends, both online and in real life.

Rest in Peace buddy, you'll be missed.

Also my condolences to Blissful Menace for the loss of your great grandmother.


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## zegs

Uh, shit, wow. =/

RIP


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## Boiling in Acid

ppl be safe & responsible with your drug use! learn from wes' trial. that's what he would want to tell to us if he could. please be safe in the name of him!


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## jykkE

Oh my god. I'm at a loss for words. I never spoke to him but I read a lot of his threads and he knew what he was talking about.


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## psychedelicious

TheodoreRoosevelt said:
			
		

> RIP man you'll be missed.
> 
> How do people even find out if a Bluelighter died anyways, that kinda surprises me...
> 
> And so many Bluelighters here to contribute too, amazing how quick a community can come together.
> 
> Such a shame, I literally dropped my jaw...




A lot of us are friends in real life, too... that's how the message gets passed on. 


Pierre really was a great person. So helpful and always so caring.


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## Hannah Capps

...

Miss you bunches...


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## phactor

Terrible news. His friends and family are in my thoughts


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## drunken_etard

that sucks man,,,RIP Wesmdow, hope the after life is good to yeah


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## mukant666

It's sooo sad he relapsed, and from that he OD'ed.

He was taking Suboxone and was clean off of H for a while.... He asked me if I knew where to get some H. I said no, of course, and told him "please don't do it no more you're doing so good staying clean off of dope."

I feel sooo bad I was asleep the time he called me that same night he OD'ed. I wish I talked to him and told him not to do no more dope, maybe he would of stayed alived, I could've saved him     

At least he's in a better place now, not having to worry about going through the rest of eternity not being an addict.


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## Hannah Capps

mukant666 said:
			
		

> It's sooo sad he relapsed, and from that he OD'ed.
> 
> He was taking Suboxone and was clean off of H for a while.... He asked me if I knew where to get some H. I said no, of course, and told him "please don't do it no more you're doing so good staying clean off of dope."
> 
> I feel sooo bad I was asleep the time he called me that same night he OD'ed. I wish I talked to him and told him not to do no more dope, maybe he would of stayed alived, I could've saved him
> 
> At least he's in a better place now, not having to worry about going through the rest of eternity not being an addict.



don't blame yourself...If you need to talk my pm box is always open...


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## ClubbinGuido

Fuck...


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## fizzle

I love the black color dedication for Pierre....

I miss him so much


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## melange

fucking sad


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## lady grey

NO  Pierre had so much potential, he was so smart and talented and caring, he helped me through some hard times, he was always there, i haden't spoken to him in so long, this is a tragedy 

I hope you are at peace now


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## d-phex

Rip


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## skoat

Rip


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## ninjadanslarbretabar

R.I.P.
my sympathy to everyone


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## Bavanai

Even though I never talked to Pierre, it's not hard to see from this thread that he was a good person that liked to help people. RIP, my sincere condolences to his family and friends  It's a shame this kind of things happen to quality people.


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## FrostyMcFailure

this is fucked up.. BLers- Unite! I remember wesmdow well, thats so fucking shot  though.  RIP, ill be sending sum love & light his way.. With my miiinndd.


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## Pillthrill

I think the fact that Bluelight is black(gray) is a neat tribute. RIP May our fellow bluelighters never be forgotton, God knows the times that their advice has saved our own lives or their kind words, or comments of one type or another made us smile or brightened our day. Bluelight because almost a family, we have lost one of our own and may those who cared for him find comfort.


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## echo off

i always seemed to butt heads on idea's with him, but i always valued the different way of thinking.  sleep well champ.


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## ladyinthesky

i like the black and white idea....RIP to all our blers who have passed on


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## egor

my deepest condolences go out to his family and loved ones. I hate greylight...


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## stellablue

Thank you admin for the greylight memorial. Pierre really deserved this tribune for all of the time he spent here helping on BL/TDS giving advice. I know he had a strong impact on me and I know some of you as well. May we will see him again. Love and respect. Chassy


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## cassandragemini

yeah good work guys, i love it how the BL community really gives a shit. rest in peace pierre.


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## Pillthrill

BL has really become more of a "family" than I think we realize sometimes.


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## melange

it hurts to be alive


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## thugpassion

Chicago dope, right? Thats too bad. My condolances. didnt know him but seemed like an alright guy. r i p  .


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## johanneschimpo

holy shit. no. 
I just talked to him on the 18th via AIM. I can't believe this. He seemed OK when I talked to him then. I know he was having trouble (in general), and ran out of his suboxone script, but last I heard from him his doctor was going to give him some to get him through the week. Unfortunately, it appears that this did not go through. He was also speaking of heroin when we spoke. (sorry if this is too much information). 
This is a shame. I'm shocked. My condolences to his friends and family. 
R.I.P. Pierre.


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## Pomplemous

what????  what????   no!

......................................................


love and love and love and love.  

that is too sad. a great person.

love is alive though. dont forget.


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## junctionalfunkie

Fuck, that sucks. Pierre was a good kid. We PM'd a few times about his problems, and I tried to give him the best advice I could.

Hope you're in a better place, my friend.


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## swilow

egor said:
			
		

> my deepest condolences go out to his family and loved ones. I hate greylight...



I hate greylight too but its a fitting tribute. 



"Nobody lives forever, but we all shine on"....


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## Link_S

RIP man, hope your in a better place


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## Ghettochrist

RIP

didn't know him personally, but this reminds me of my uncle who died from coke/heroin/alcohol related issues.

Feels close to heart, you never know when it's your time to pass, but everything happens for a reason! 

and teaches all the cosmic lessons and leaves the legacies intended.. 

I hope everyone remembers the good and takes the best they can from this, my heart goes out to all his family and friends, i hope this can make you stronger and you always keep the best memories in heart.


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## General Bale

Thats really sad. 
Never talked to him but from what i see he was a great person.
R.I.P.


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## That_Guy

RIP


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## blueyedevil173

s1ck was always nice to me, even though I'm stupid.  I'm going to miss him. ;(


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## BeefcaKez

didnt know u but any friend of BL is a friend of mine R.I.P m8 we will all meet sometime in a different plane


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## Aryer

I have to say that this is the best drugrelated forum that I've ever visited. I feel like most of the members here are so caring for other members on this site. This is the kind of forum that I want to be a part of 

But I just want to say, rest in peace, even though I don't know him personally nor have read any of his posts (I'm quite new here). It's always sad when someone passes on, and I send my condolances to his friends, family and everybody on this board that knew him or talked to him

R.I.P


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## panic_the_digital

That fucking sucks. There will now always be an empty hole at bluelight.


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## Hannah Capps

Dear Pierre, 

I’ll never abide by you again, you impacted my life so much for the better…It upsets me that you are not in attendance, yet never were you in short supply of tenderness for other aching souls…It seemed that you were to unstable for this existence…Incarcerated within your own body, you were meant to ascend above us all, to soar on the wings of the eagle…The unexpected thing is, I cannot weep for you…I do not know why or how, perhaps the tears will come later as the reality of what has happened descends like a pile of bricks upon me…I could turn to the razor blade to alleviate my grief, or the bottle of Phentermine sitting across from me to fine-tune my way through this, or pack my jaws with the days rations and try to fill that meaningless vacant dump within…Abandoned on the floorboards, you are frozen, frigidity I twist in this ballet called life, unsure and lacking confidence, we skip along…As we once held your hands, they are no longer there…This refusal to accept your passing, that lethal vaccination, that did anesthetize your sorrow, has pierced our hearts, thrusted within our core, hemorrhaging tears, we elapse from this living into the next…Days turn into weeks, and they into years, We still feel affection for you, it won’t weaken over the ages…Just know that you are lamented and missed…

-Hannah


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## Pharcyde

Peace out dude .  I will always have the TDS memories


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## drew345

RIP dude I wish I could have read more of your storyies in words


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## supertrav77

I'll admit that I didn't know who this person was before reading this thread.  But I read some of his last posts before he died and they are pretty haunting.  He was clearly in a lot of pain in those last days and all I can say is that I hope wherever he is now, he's at peace.


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## Syd_Barret

I knew wesmdow (Real life name Pierre) in real life... We used to shoot smack together and sometimes hang out...

Wow.. I can't believe hes dead.. its a shock, thats for sure.

I'm going to miss him alot, part of me is angry with him... but I'll try not to be.

I'm in utter shock is all I can say...

He messaged me just a couple of days ago on aim.. freaking out cause he was craving heroin like CRAZY and asking me where he could score it on the street and what not... 
He managed to get his suboxone doctor to emergency script him 6 tabs of suboxone... and then he started asking me questions about shooting it....
Ugh.. I tried to tell him maybe it was best that he not abuse the medicine that was supposed to help him kick heroin... but he kept on justifying it...
I wish I could have done something, but in the end I know it wouldn't have been able to do anything.. its quite difficult to stop a drug user once they've made up their mind.. I think we all know that.

Rip man, I'm going to miss ya.

Can anyone shed some light on how he passed?
I'm assuming he oded on heroin or suboxone or something?


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## His Name Is Frank

Damn. I hate to hear this. I didn't have the pleasure of getting to know *s1ck* that well,but he was a very nice guy and actually helped me a couple of times. Rest in peace.


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## SilverFeniks

damn, i havent been around BL much, and hadnt chatted with pierre for a long time ..


----------



## Riemann Zeta

While I did not personally know him, it is sad to see someone that has been a positive inspiration to many (as is apparent from these responses) go.  May his memories transcend this unfortunate moment.  

To his friends:

"Hold on, stay inside this holy reality; embrace this moment, remember we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion..." (James Maynard Keenan)


----------



## IcarusRisen

I never really spoke to him, I don't think, but RIP.


----------



## ~*geNeRaTiOn E*~

RIP


----------



## fizzle

supertrav77 said:
			
		

> I'll admit that I didn't know who this person was before reading this thread.  But I read some of his last posts before he died and they are pretty haunting.  He was clearly in a lot of pain in those last days and all I can say is that I hope wherever he is now, he's at peace.


I dont mean for this to sound harsh or anything, I just dont want anyone here getting the wrong idea, Pierres death was NOT a suicide... it was a relapse gone awry. I know a great majority here can probably relate to a relapse. His death was completely accidental.


----------



## Spaazkaz

man...  im so sad words cant express and i feel for his friends and family... this thread re-iterates how awesome and caring this group of people is. I love s1ck and I love the bluelight community. RI*P*.


----------



## gorgoroth

supertrav77 said:
			
		

> I'll admit that I didn't know who this person was before reading this thread.  But I read some of his last posts before he died and they are pretty haunting.  He was clearly in a lot of pain in those last days and all I can say is that I hope wherever he is now, he's at peace.


My sentiments exactly.
take care...


----------



## MazDan

I have not been arround BL as much lately so this has come as an aweful shock.

We had many conversations over the years and for just one last time as a mark of respect and to give him a good hearty belly laugh...................I would like to say.......... Thanks for being you Wesley. 

Its a private thing between us.

May you rest in peace mate.


----------



## Mehm

I remember reading some of wesmdow's early post and thinking, "wow, what a character!"  

may peace be with he, his family and friends


----------



## syymphonatic

i feel wrong for how much i cried about this for how little i know him or about him. i just remember reading his posts for years and it's such an unfortunate and untimely death... even when you don't know someone personally, though, you still feel it when they're gone..,
rest in peace


----------



## vnvnation

RIP dude. I didnt ever speak to him but read his posts.

Hes going to be missed round here


----------



## realm

You will be missed. Rest.


----------



## Johnny1

I didn't know wesmdow well, but I had the sense that he was struggling, a bit out of control, trying to find himself and find peace.  The few times I posted trying to help him do so, back a couple years ago when he posted on SLR a lot, I knew I couldn't reach him.  I was hoping he would settle down, but I was worried about him.  One thing that always came across, though, was what a good and giving person he was.  This is a huge loss for the people he had in his life.    My heart goes out to them.


----------



## Crow

may the gods welcome you.


----------



## Jabberwocky

God only takes the best ones.

RIP.


----------



## Hannah Capps

Video Tribute


----------



## Newmoonrecord

wow. this sucks.  i had just been searching through some of his posts the other day.  seemed like such a good guy   

it's good to know that bluelight is a good community that can support its own.

if anyone minds me asking, how did people on here find out?? did his family come on and message someone?


----------



## Jabberwocky

I talked to Wes a few times via instant messenger.

I'm very sad to hear this.

May he Return with grace,

samadhi


----------



## bromance

RIP buddy.


----------



## NikkiNumberNine

That's a damn, damn shame. I hope he's at peace.


----------



## motts

it is never good to hear of something like this. RIP.


----------



## popcornplayr

Pierre-   You have had a very positive influence on many peoples lives and it is such a shame to see something like this happen.  You will be extremely missed.   R.I.P Pierre


----------



## UnSquare

That's fucked.

An' I repeat, fuck'd.

I'd follow'd Wesmdow's
posts fo' ages,
an' we'd PM'd 
under ol' adage,
I didn't realize 
Pierre 
was 'S1ck'...

...I'm so deeply sorry
to here this...

...Strength to
those who were close
to him -
Please Be Safe.

I don' know what else to say.

PEACE
&
LOVE
UnSquare


----------



## 2oclockbeanfiend.2

Stay strong everyone.  Your friend wouldn't want you to be sad.


----------



## AmorRoark

We spoke so many times on AIM and I felt as if I never provided enough emotional support for the situations you were dealing with. I've already said this but I think it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now:

I never knew what exactly to say while we were conversing.

I still don't know what exactly to say. 

All I know is I'm sorry. 

You reached out to not only myself but many other bluelighters and I don't think we could provide what you needed. Regardless, you were immensely appreciated amongst this community. Even at times when you were dealing with extremely depressing situations you were open and interested in our problems. You were a loving soul and it's unfortunate for all that you are no longer here to voice your experience, love and understanding. 

I hope your closest are dealing with this as well as they can. 

I hope dearly that you are resting well.


----------



## yossarian_is_sane!

I never spoke directly with him but his posts always seemed well considered and intelligent. It seems that he has helped alot of people and I feel for his family and everyone who has lost a positive influence and a friend. RIP dude.


----------



## 'medicine cabinet'

seeing this kind of support helps to put my faith back in human kind


----------



## dilated_pupils

Rest in peace man, I'm sorry to hear about this, it's truly saddening.  You will be missed.

-dilated_pupils


----------



## mepat1111

I am very sad to hear this, Wes was a great guy and helped me much in my time of need.

You will never be forgotten.

RIP


----------



## stellablue

I was thinking of you today, and I felt your presence in my heart. Hope you are at peace sweet friend.


----------



## hazejunk

I'm very sorry to hear this.
I never knew you very well but i did always read your posts.

You were a great guy and i hope you found peace now.

Rest in peace


----------



## FiatFlux

this is deeply tragic. and such a shock.


----------



## bow-viper1

Man.. you hang around here and you start recognizing names, and it's just going to be weird not seeing s1ck anymore. I hope he went out high, peacefully, and in an opiate-induced dream.


----------



## bowdenta

i never check bluelight anymore but i saw this post while retrieving some information about prescriptions. this really sucks, I had talked of having a meetup with him since we both live in texas. this is part of the reason why i stopped hanging out with people who do a lot of drugs. overdoses will constantly be a part the bluelight community and hopefully provide at least a little bit of harm reduction since you don't get that much in the forums


----------



## mikemikemike

RIP buddy


----------



## the_ketaman

RIP mate


----------



## absent minded

its too bad it takes someone dieing for people to be this supporting and thoughtful


----------



## JV

damn.    i didnt know wes was s1ck either.  ill miss reading his posts.  

i hope hes at peace, wherever he is.


----------



## Tr1p

I heard about this a while ago, but didn't know if I wanted to post anything here.

Pierre, wtf.

2 fucking weeks ago you were in the fucking hospital because you fucking injected xanax with beer and jack daniels as solutions and missed a shot.  You should have realized then how much you were fucking up dude.

You were an awesome friend, I knew you personally, I even fucking told you so many times how you were fucking up.  You were doing so well living on your own man.

Fuck, I'm at a loss of words, I told him to straighten up so many times and last year at Marley Fest in Austin was a fucking blast together.  

I'm gonna miss you and even though you didn't exactly live your life perfectly, you gave me great advice and I'm going to remember it forever.

Sorry for being such a hardass on you.


----------



## Pillthrill

I think a thread like this can really help those who feel like they have a few last words to say...


----------



## sushii

^ Agreed. We'll keep it around for as long as needed before it gets moved to the shrine (though people will still be able to respond there too).


----------



## canj00feelit?

The day before his passing I tried helping Pierre........  the next morning I went to a detox to get clean, and he died....... I still can't fuckin believe it, and I'm fuckin sober.... god help us all


----------



## Pillthrill

canj00feelit? said:
			
		

> The day before his passing I tried helping Pierre........  the next morning I went to a detox to get clean, and he died....... I still can't fuckin believe it, and I'm fuckin sober.... god help us all



I guess you have a memory to help keep you that way...


----------



## canj00feelit?

I'm all teared up right now........ it's like he died, and now I'm starting to live again...... fucked up..... I'm very emotional right now....


----------



## Pillthrill

canj00feelit? said:
			
		

> I'm all teared up right now........ it's like he died, and now I'm starting to live again...... fucked up..... I'm very emotional right now....



I didn't know him very well, but I think he would want you to push on get better where he couldn't. PM me if you need to. (I know everyone says that, but serious.)

I think from time to time we get so wrapped up in the fun and humor of BL that we fail to realize that there are real people, with REAL, sometimes serious addictions. 
I'm sorry if I have ever forgotten...


----------



## canj00feelit?

Thanks for your extension of support...... I'm going through some post WDs from the detox clinic (the bupe is finally leaving my system slowly)...... and I'm all warped in thought, wishing I had a .25mg speck of suboxone to ease this discomfort..... hopefully tomorrow will be brighter, and s1ck's soul will bless myself and others with the hope to move forward with life, and not towards an early grave


Rest in Peace Pierre, you are missed dearly


----------



## kittyinthedark

The struggle is always so much easier when you have someone to share it with.  My burden is heavier now that he's gone, but at least he won't have to fight anymore.

RIP


----------



## absent minded

i really feel for all you guys that were close to him.  i had no idea s1ck was wesmdow but i really respected his posts and opinions and that takes alot.  seeing a fellow bler die of drugs puts my life into perspective at least for a short while hopefully......


----------



## lady grey

I wish i didn't lose contact with you, i had some of the most inspiring conversations with you pierre, i'l never forget. You will never be forgotten by all of the lives you have touched.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTvwcLylZzs&feature=related

I remember him saying he would have liked this song to be played at his wake i think it would be nice to have it in this thread.


----------



## StoneHappyMonday

RIP man. Seems like a tragic waste of talent.


----------



## Pillthrill

I took the time to listen to the song... 
jeez I'm gonna cry and I didn't know him hardly
I hope his family is holding up ok (well, the best they can)


----------



## LivingOnValium

R.I.P. wesmedow/s1ck 

Your contributions to threads were allways worth reading.


----------



## stellablue

a lot of you are trying kick your habits in his honor. It is looking to have been a hard impact on all of you. I am glad to be see some positive out comes like I am. Pierre would be proud of what he has awaken in all of us.

At the end, I was distant with Pierre, and I am really having to deal with that. It has hit me like a pile of bricks.


----------



## Hannah Capps

For Pierre


----------



## stellablue

^ You have the most beautiful heart, and voice. Sweet gesture.


----------



## DarthMom

i put off posting, since it seems i say the same thing every time we lose a bl'er. 

it tears me up every time. i have nothing to put into words, so just a simple rip sweetie, and i wish everyone close to him love, and hope they can get over this with as much of their hearts left intact as possible.


----------



## Ximot

RIP, wesmdow, it was surely too early for you to just go like that. I would have thought life would surely have had a lot still up its sleeve for you.  I remember some of your posts and I always figured one day you'd figure things out and walk away from the maetsrom of downers,perhaps unscathed and wiser.  Sadly, I was wrong.


----------



## Mr. Robo-Tripper

Yo pierre mayne...whaash da deal???

Pierre you don fucked man...WTF!?!?!  This is such a shock!  Hung out a few times, you seemed pretty lax...DAMN dude..."whats the motherfucking fucking deal someone pass me the kill"

RIP wesmdow you crazy mo-fo!!!


----------



## uacvax

hahah


----------



## schmangle

Dammit! dammit dammit dammit. Wish he was here to see how many people cared, how many people he touched.

We had an ongoing debate - Pierre said you have 1 life only, while I believe you keep on trucking.

I believe he'll have to admit defeat in this debate - the universe doesn't waste intelligent, beautiful people.

My condolences to his family and friends - I hope you can remember the good, and feel blessed that he was in your lives.

Pierre, good luck in your travels, you'll find that peace and beauty eventually, I promise


----------



## Phy

Rest in peace mate.


----------



## Tiesto

Oh my god..

My first thought was "no way"
He was such a regular poster on here, kinda weird to think he'll never post again..
RIP


----------



## stellablue

^ I know.


----------



## stellablue

"Field Of Innocence"

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Oh, Where

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything

I still remember.

RIP Pierre. I am really missing you.


----------



## MethaContin

blissfulMenace said:
			
		

> i know most of the details. im just not sure what i should share..
> 
> he died of a heroin overdose. his mom found him in his bed about 11 today and called the paramedics. They were unable to recussitate him(sp?)
> 
> if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them.. il share what i can.
> all of his friends are here with me and were talkin about the good times.
> 
> its a fucking sad day. my great grandma also passed away at 102 years old today. ive never experienced anything like this




R.I.P s1ck and R.I.P to your great grandmother. S1ck (Pierre) you will never be forgotten. Bluelight will always love you.


----------



## SubAbusePro1

RIP Pierre, I hope and pray you are at peace.

 SubAbusePro1


----------



## enoughorangejuice?

OMG i cannot believe this.... i'm so upset!  i spoke with him thru PM's and online multiple times and when i was going thru terrible benzo & opiate W/D's he helped me out and offered to do everything someone could possibly do to help me out and i just cannot believe this at all...  

R.I.P. pierre


----------



## Frank Zito

Sad, sad, sad...


----------



## specialrelativity

RIP...alot of passings, lately...what's going on?


----------



## Hannah Capps

Video Tribute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v53BY-wqa8s


----------



## lady grey

That's so beautiful hannah


----------



## Hannah Capps

trancegirle said:
			
		

> That's so beautiful hannah



Thanks...he was too...


----------



## (Wordy)

I just found out about this today, and I'm absolutely gutted. 

RIP Pierre. You were always brave enough to speak your mind. You probably never realised it, but you helped me to grow as a person. I hope wherever you are now, you can put your talents to use.

- Stu


----------



## QuestionEverything

I'm in shock.  Total shock.

Rest well, Pierre.


----------



## Gr3yghost

Hannah Capps said:
			
		

> Video Tribute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v53BY-wqa8s



@ Hanna:  Thank you for this video.  I watched as much as I could...will watch the rest later today.

For the rest: By way of introduction, I am wesmdow/s1ck/Pierre's father.  I have read this thread and many others in which Pierre posted and has been noted as missing.

Indeed, he is missed by me and his mother and sister and aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends and lovers.  Though I am hurt in a way that only a father who has lost his only son can be,  I am nonetheless very grateful to all of you who posted here and elsewhere with your condolences and kind words.

I'll not say more here than to thank you all from the bottom of my heart and hope that some lesson will be learned from this tragic loss.  

I read this poem at Pierre's wake:

*Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone*

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

_--W.H. Auden_

In reading though these forums, I realize that he helped many people here.  My only regret is that he could not in the end help himself, or his family, who will miss him more than mere words will here convey. For what it's worth, though I feel that I did what I could to try and save him, it was clearly not enough.  

For his sake and in his memory, I hope there are some of you out there who will attempt to save yourselves, if only for the sake of those who will forever love and miss you should you fail.

Finally, to all:  If I can be of any help to anyone *serious* about quitting, please pm me and I'll respond to the best of my ability.  If you are not *serious*, then I wish you good luck, but ask that you leave me in peace, thanks.


----------



## purplefirefly

^^

My heart is with you and your family in these dark times. I hope that you can find peace.

Likewise, if you need someone to talk to please feel free to send a message. There are many ears here who are willing to listen.


----------



## empty87

I do remember reading a few of his posts, but I did not talk to him personally. He seemed like an awesome person and a true friend to a lot of people here and I hope he has found comfort in paradise.


----------



## Chico

I just realized I went to school with Pierre. I wasnt good friends with him, but smoked with him about a year ago. This is really sad.  R.I.P  Pierre


----------



## Gr3yghost

purplefirefly said:
			
		

> ^^
> 
> My heart is with you and your family in these dark times. I hope that you can find peace.
> 
> Likewise, if you need someone to talk to please feel free to send a message. There are many ears here who are willing to listen.




Thanks, purplefirefly, for your kind words and good advice.  Thanks also for trying to help, not just Pierre, but so many other troubled individuals.  I've spent the past few days reading here, not just Pierre's posts, but many of the threads on the DS, where it seems, my natural bent leads me anyway.  

As a moderator, and a particularly good one, (if I may indulge briefly in a bit of well-deserved praise) it seems that you might be able to help me decide how, or even if, I should participate in these forums to do the most good.  

My motive for coming to BL, though it certainly involves finding meaning in Pierre's death, is more complex than a quest to find out what he was doing the night he died.  No, it is more of a quest to discover myself in a curious and of course self-centered way.  I think that I am looking for a way to recover from my loss and regain my sense of self-worth by helping--or at least trying to--others.  Since Pierre thought so much of this community, it makes sense for me to join and try to help if I can.

Though I have no fears of doing battle with giants--even if they be windmills masquerading as towering terrors--I would last of all wish to contaminate Pierre's brief legacy with my own selfish quests. 

Therefore, I ask you: is this folly?  Should I, would I, be better off; would the readers of this forum be better off without being forced to endure the sad spectacle of me engaging in what surely appears to be an often-lost, if nonetheless noble battle?


----------



## orml

Gr3yghost said:
			
		

> Therefore, I ask you: is this folly?  Should I, would I, be better off; would the readers of this forum be better off without being forced to endure the sad spectacle of me engaging in what surely appears to be an often-lost, if nonetheless noble battle?




No way, is this folly. Many people knew Pierre, and next time a "I'm going to relapse" post comes up they probably won't listen to many of us. But I think that they might feel your pain, and understand your story, you have the capability to do more good than a lot of us on this board. You've suffered a loss no parent should have too, and in all honesty you've probably put yourself into one of the best situations you could for helping people that are trapped by addiction just like Pierre was, your story is very compelling. Enduring the "sad spectacle" is going to be nothing but beneficial to the readers of this board, it's a reality check that many of them need very badly. 

My heart, and thoughts are with you and your family I'm sorry you had to endure the loss you did... 

Stay strong!


----------



## drug_wench

^totally agreed - we need more ppl here who rnt just drug users and addicts to give us feedback on how it impacts on loved ones lives!
i think ur doing an honourable thing, joining our community - i wud hope if i had passed away due to my drug use that my mum (my dad definitely wudnt!) wud do the same thing
my sincerest condolences, greyghost - if u ever nd sumone to talk to, PM me
granted i hav never lost family to heroin, but 2 close friends and the best bf i ever had passed that way - i hope pierre has met them as i think they wud hav got on!


----------



## Gr3yghost

orml said:
			
		

> No way, is this folly. Many people knew Pierre, and next time a "I'm going to relapse" post comes up they probably won't listen to many of us. But I think that they might feel your pain, and understand your story, you have the capability to do more good than a lot of us on this board. You've suffered a loss no parent should have too, and in all honesty you've probably put yourself into one of the best situations you could for helping people that are trapped by addiction just like Pierre was, your story is very compelling. Enduring the "sad spectacle" is going to be nothing but beneficial to the readers of this board, it's a reality check that many of them need very badly.
> 
> My heart, and thoughts are with you and your family I'm sorry you had to endure the loss you did...
> 
> Stay strong!




Thanks orml, for your kind words and encouragement.  I'll do my best to help others here and try to keep my pain and anger out of the way!

Peace.


----------



## Gr3yghost

drug_wench said:
			
		

> ^totally agreed - we need more ppl here who rnt just drug users and addicts to give us feedback on how it impacts on loved ones lives!
> i think ur doing an honourable thing, joining our community - i wud hope if i had passed away due to my drug use that my mum (my dad definitely wudnt!) wud do the same thing
> my sincerest condolences, greyghost - if u ever nd sumone to talk to, PM me
> granted i hav never lost family to heroin, but 2 close friends and the best bf i ever had passed that way - i hope pierre has met them as i think they wud hav got on!




Thanks dw, your kind words are most welcome and just what I needed.  As I just said above, I'll do my best to help without adding to the pain if I can.

Peace.


----------



## purplefirefly

Gr3yghost said:
			
		

> Thanks, purplefirefly, for your kind words and good advice.  Thanks also for trying to help, not just Pierre, but so many other troubled individuals.  I've spent the past few days reading here, not just Pierre's posts, but many of the threads on the DS, where it seems, my natural bent leads me anyway.
> 
> As a moderator, and a particularly good one, (if I may indulge briefly in a bit of well-deserved praise) it seems that you might be able to help me decide how, or even if, I should participate in these forums to do the most good.
> 
> My motive for coming to BL, though it certainly involves finding meaning in Pierre's death, is more complex than a quest to find out what he was doing the night he died.  No, it is more of a quest to discover myself in a curious and of course self-centered way.  I think that I am looking for a way to recover from my loss and regain my sense of self-worth by helping--or at least trying to--others.  Since Pierre thought so much of this community, it makes sense for me to join and try to help if I can.
> 
> Though I have no fears of doing battle with giants--even if they be windmills masquerading as towering terrors--I would last of all wish to contaminate Pierre's brief legacy with my own selfish quests.
> 
> Therefore, I ask you: is this folly?  Should I, would I, be better off; would the readers of this forum be better off without being forced to endure the sad spectacle of me engaging in what surely appears to be an often-lost, if nonetheless noble battle?



The pleasure is mine. 

I think that there are many people on this board that would benefit from what you have to offer, to hear your story, and to know your feelings as a person who has lost a loved one. To make even one person rethink the path that they are heading down is a mission accomplished to me, one person who uses responsibly and in turn teaches others what they have learned. It's truly a tragedy to see anyone die from a drug related incident, so many times it could have been prevented. 

I hope that you feel that this is a cause to stick with and I hope that you continue to post. The mission of Bluelight is that of Harm Reduction. Drug users cannot rely on the government to give accurate and helpful information and Bluelight truly fills that void. 

Please stay, I certainly don't think that you would be doing your son a disservice by posting on this board, in fact, you may help to keep his memory alive.

Best wishes!


----------



## MR Candyslut

How awful! I hope you are at peace, wes. I guess an astute reminder of why boards such as these need to exist 

Mods: Is this going to get moved to shrine?


----------



## panic in paradise

^ eventually yes.


----------



## VerbalTruist

I was reading through an old set of posts that Pierre made in Drug Culture and I found myself thinking that I miss him.  I held him at quite a distance and I'm regretting it now.  I'm regretting it so very much.


----------



## Gr3yghost

Tr1p said:
			
		

> I heard about this a while ago, but didn't know if I wanted to post anything here.
> 
> Pierre, wtf.
> 
> Sorry for being such a hardass on you.



Thanks, Tr1p, first of all for caring enough to post here, and second, for caring enough to be a hardass to/for/on Pierre.  

I hope this doesn't come out sounding wrong, but, while I am so very gratefully and repeatedly moved beyonds words by all the tributes and kind words in this thread, keeping in mind what I've been told is our goal, 'harm reduction', your unflinchingly honest assessment of Pierre's foolish behavior has helped me more than you might know.  

So again, to all who have posted in this thread I say*thanks*.  There are simply too many individuals who've posted here and in other threads to thank you all one by one.   Please know that even if I haven't told you so personally, your words have indeed been a comfort.

@the mods, thanks also for keeping this thread up for so long.   I realize it's coming to it's natural end , but I am grateful for being allowed, in the last couple of weeks, to read and re-read the words of his many well-wishers as I come to terms with his death.

With the encouragement of so many, I hope to remain a part of this community and contribute positively whenever I can.  As one observant poster advised, I should probably look past the Dark Side...ya think? 

Peace,

Phillip


----------



## sushii

^ You should, but we'd love to have you keep posting here as well.   As purplefirefly said, there are many people here that could benefit from what you can offer. Your experiences lend you a perspective that few here have and that's a very powerful way to reach people.

We'll keep this thread around for a little while longer as Pierre was such a well-known member of this community and it's still being responded to regularly. Eventually, it'll be moved to The Shrine, a forum for Bluelight members who have passed away. People will still be able to respond there as well.


----------



## `pr0digy

Wow...  I've been in jail/at a recovery house for quite a few months and only had one or two chances to log on since I got out of jail, and pierre im'ed me as soon as I got on and said hello to me.... Talked to him quite a bit in the past.  Just moved back home and decided to look at TDS and saw this post...  Can't believe it.  Reminds me how serious this shit is, and hopefully it'll make me think twice before I make the dumb decsion to stick a needle in my arm again.


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## stellablue




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## drug_wench

^thats beautiful stella - and totally tru!


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## benzoheadplus44

Edit: I had the wrong person in mind that I spoke about.

Yeah... feel like an ass, confusing someone.
Still though its a shitty thing and it seems like there have been all these losses on the forums lately.

R.I.P. wesmdow, you were a great person even though I barely knew or spoke to you much at all.


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## sushii

I've removed some of the inflammatory posts in this thread. If you see something that upsets you, hit the report button - don't resort to attacks and abuse.

And please stay on topic. If anyone wants to start a thread on ways and means of grieving by all means do so; this is not the place.


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## panic in paradise

sushii said:
			
		

> I've removed some of the inflammatory posts in this thread. If you see something that upsets you, hit the report button - don't resort to attacks and abuse.



and i just did the same thing.

pay your respects only please.


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## bk2schoo_bk2coo

So, I don't remember when I joined this website, some time ago when Pierre asked me to. I just didn't see what he saw in it, so I never made any posts. I simply came here to read about the person I consider my best friend... And I have finally decided to make a post I find worthwhile... 

I have very few friends in life, the ones I consider dearest were the ones I grew up w/ in TX, and Pierre was once a part of my daily life, until I moved away and it withered down to every other week. I called him the morning before he died, he was mumbling so much it was hard to understand... I also just didn't understand the danger. I only remembered the Pierre I admired so much when I was 15, 16 and so forth, who I knew as the person with the strongest willpower of all. I was the person who thought of "wesmdow"... It stands for "fuck it all"...

He asked me to come back to Austin, I told him I wanted to so bad... I hate this frozen dump I have been stuck in, Pierre knew that well. The only thing I had keeping me going here was the hope that I would someday return to see my friendand we would party together and everything would go back to the way it used to be.... (when my lease is up in Aug, I always put it off like that)  I am so sad I never got the chance to go back to Austin, he said we could have lived together, he could have helped me get a job and we could resume all the good times we once had together. We never got the chance, I never went down to see him, I wasted my money on drugs when I could have been saving to see my friend....

Reading his posts, I just don't understand... all these drugs I've never even heard of before... Things that he had written about me, memories of our friendship. It's so hard to say goodbye... It breaks my heart so that I can hardly stand it. In a situation like this the person I would have called first would have been Pierre, and now I am just so lost. It's harder than ever to keep my head up.

To all you bluelighters, as you call yourselves, stop taking life for granted, quit hurting the ones you love and fucking wake up... I had to learn this in the hardest way possible, and what kills me the most is that it didn't have to be like this... I used to think I knew what pain was, I was so wrong.

Anybody who knew Pierre well on here, I wouldn't mind hearing from you if you'd like to message me...


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## center

My best friend for four years online...

I'll be heartbroken. I have been heartbroken since BlissFullMenace posted this. I got an IM right when he found out. "pierre's dead'. At first I thought it was a joke.


Now it's apparent. I lost my best online friend and I'm crying thinking about about it.

JKnsfd;kljnsdglk;nln n'jlasAEAD/flafJKL';AFJKL'afejkl;


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## topzigzag

I'm new here, so i didn't know Pieree, but damn that is a really sad thing to hear. How old was he?


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## fizzle

^20, far FAR too young. He had so much potential, so much life left to live.


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## IXinX

He was a great poet. I enjoyed reading his writing.

RIP Dude. I empathise with all those that remain that he touched.


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## delta_9

IXinX said:
			
		

> I enjoyed reading his writing.


As did I.


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## stellablue

I missed you today. I know your gone, but I just wished I was able to talk to you. I really miss our friendship. I loved you so much Pierre. I really did. I just really needed to get that out.


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## Hannah Capps

I told you were wise beyond your years and you thanked me…I still miss you profoundly…I can’t think of any words to express how vacant the atmosphere is without you…I’m apologetic for what happened to you and I’m trying to honor your life by living mine to the fullest…I miss chatting among you and your acquaintances…You are the unceasing life in my life, you smile through infinity, and remove our tears from our pale features…Embracing all that existence is and not hiding ourselves away from the delight in this passage of life…You’ve traversed that great divide, and as I see your face in eternity, you beam in return to let us know that our lives will be good enough to count for something…I know your’s certainly did…Thank you…

​


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## QuestionEverything

Pierre,

I thought about you today.  Your time here on BL was a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but not half as much as your own inner world was.  I'm glad that we were able to share some positive exchanges before your passing.  It's such a sad loss and I just wish that you had been able to help yourself before your time ran out.


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## UnSquare

*Thankyou...*

Correction,
Capt'n 'erre,
I *AM* gonna listen to it.

*Bless You​*
*listenin'*

PEACE CAP'OET


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## kpunk

*rip*

I feel bad for people who can't seem to see some light in all this fucked up world, but often times I'm one of them


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## bow-viper1

I just wanted to remind everyone that a couple of weeks ago marked the one year anniversary of s1ck's death.

It's still weird not seeing new posts from him sometimes 

Anyway, just thought I'd remind everyone.


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## Thatmdmahead

I'm not a perfect person, nor am I a perfect friend, but when I see how much love and caring was shared between this individual and all of you who knew and trusted him, I gain a litle bit of hope for this world. Maybe there ARE people who care....


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## stellablue

What to say Pierre. I find myself trying to call you still on the phone. I loved you and will always remember our late nights helping people to get help, and not take their own life in TDS. It is just sad I couldn't save you. Until we meet again, you are forever in my heart and soul. Love always, Chassy


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## panic in paradise

beautiful work hannah.

youll always be remembered pierre.


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## stellablue

I was just thinking of you today. I miss you dear friend.


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## 8L4YN3

Okay, i cannot beleive how stupid i really am.

I used to talk to this bloke here and there on msn and aim.

Then i noticed he stopped signing in, i figured he blocked me or was busy or whatever, you know.

I didn't even see this thread, had no idea he died.

I just seen this thread now! Now it makes sense why he stopped signing in.

FUCK................. how did it take my this long to learn this, fuck im so angry in myself.


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## ApolloFC

I didn't know him, nor do I know anyone on BL as I'm new.

But, Death is a horrid thing, but part of life.

From what I can tell this guy was an absolute treasure of a human.

It's a shame he's gone.

R.I.P.

Also I would love to read some of his poetry, if someone could post or pm.

My friend Marrissa, just recently passed, so I figured I might find condolence on this Forum Subject.


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## Mysterier

effing RIP... i didn't even know. and it's been so long...


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## tathra

apparently we used to talk an awful lot back in the day
i dont remember any of it though 
i wish i could remember you.  you were no doubt top quality people, and even without remembering just how great you were, i still miss you


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## rant*N*rave

Another one in my list of failures... For as much as I end up hurting myself, I always try to help other people stop doing it, and Pierre and I spoke all the time about our pains and trials and tribulations.  And many, many times our conversations ended up with him much more calm and happy than when they started.  And then one day he stopped talking.  I know it has nothing to do with me, but I always wonder if there was one more thing I could have done to help...


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## stellablue

thinking of you today. I miss our chats. We ever so close. I miss you calling me chassy. It was so different, but so you. Love and light whever you are now good friend. You were very loved, still are really tbh.


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## blissfulMenace

Just popped in to see what this thread was like as I haven't looked at it in about 2 years. I cannot believe how much support there is here!

I'd like to thank all of you for being such good friends!


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## lazygit

Fuck, how did I not hear this earlier, R.I.P dude. You'll be missed. 

My deepest condolences to everyone who knew him better than I.


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## Symmetrical Daze

This is really sad... I hadn't chatted with him in a few years but always remembered the time I was having trouble, quite a while back... I don't remember exactly what it was about, but he helped me, we started chatting on aim, and he sent me a song he made. I still remember the song, and have it on my old computer. If anyone close to him is interested I'll try to find it for them.

I'm not on AIM much but its so weird, it doesn't seem like that long ago he was on. I wish I'd have gotten to chat with him again


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## thujone

can't believe it's already been two years.  i wish he could have had it better.


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## stellablue

I was deleteing some pms today and found some from you about your latest art project. I miss you calling me chassey. You are missed so much. I am never deleteing your pm's.


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## Kerrigan

I think of you every day, man.
I'm sorry for what happened... 
One of your last questions to me was asking how best to prepare Suboxone for intravenous injection, and I told you that you were missing the point of them. 
The paintings of hands were odd, reaching for something outside of the scene.
At the time we became friends, I didn't wonder why you considered my significant benzodiazepine tolerance particularly endearing, but we were younger then.
Full of life, with our futures ahead of us and so many tomorrows saved up to enjoy.

You gave a lot of advice, and yet you ended up succumbing to the same problem so many others do.
Why would you do that, man?
I felt incredibly angry when you died because it could've been prevented, and I also thought that it wasn't unlikely, either.
If I could've done something, I would've, or rather, should've been able to save you.
People die all of the time but your death in particular had a profound effect upon me.

But, I try to make sure to think of you every day, and hopefully I'll eventually be proven wrong and we'll meet up in the other world, as gods or demigods, amidst the ever-turning cosmic wheel of saṃsāra.


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## stellablue

^ I know what you mean Kerrigan.
I remember him so much. He was so sweet and always so there for me as a friend. I remember when Pierre would call me Chassy, and make me feel so important. He really loved his art, and he had so many cool ideas. 
I know what Kerrigan means about feeling angry. I was so pissed when I found out you were gone, it was such a low blow and ripple in my life. You will always be remembered by all of us that you effected in your short time here. See you sometime on the dark side of the moon.


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## stellablue

I just wanted to stop by your memory, and say that I know you are happy for me whereever you are now. I finally got my heart back. I am glad I waited and let him go the first time. I wasn't finished mourning my husband. Now I am ready to honestly move on, and he is offering me and my kids a new life. A happier one. I know you would be happy for me, I just wished it had worked out for you dear friend. The woman you loved was just an asshole. She never loved anyone but herself, and you got caught up in her crossfire. I am just glad I was always there for you when she smashed your heart. I am just sorry I wasn't there to help before you died. You are missed, and loved. What I would give to see another piece of your art work.


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## schmangle

This week I found some old mails btw me and Wes/Pierre. I didn't know him well, but somehow, he touched my heart and I've never forgotten him. And I've shared those old emails with others, and they've resonated, and kept several people going. So bless you Pierre for the great gift you gave without even knowing it. And I really hope u are enjoying your further travels...


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## monstanoodle

Awwwww man I hadn't spoken to him in years due to not venturing outside EADD n into other areas 
Fuck this is tragic.....

A great poster, a great member, a great person with a great soul 
 RIP dude and Tonnes of love to his friends and family


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## Wonka

Damn i remmeber it like yesterday.....cant bealive it back in 2008 its been a long time but not a day goes by where i dont think of ya pierre.


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## Hannah Capps

Time passes way too quickly and I still remember you Pierre. I still think of you, I still wish you were here for me to tell you I've been self harm free for the last nine years.


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## Xorkoth

I still remember him too.  I never knew him outside of the public forum space, but I felt like I knew him decently well.



Hannah Capps said:


> I've been self harm free for the last nine years



That's amazing, well done.


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