Treatment How did you decide to take antidepressants?

[thegreenhand]

So I’m sort of at a decision point…

my depression has been worsening over the last couple months, even with semi regular psychotherapy. The physical effects are the worst part. I can’t bring myself to eat most days, I can’t sleep at night and then I’m tired all day, not getting out of bed or leaving the house, etc.

the emptiness and pain aren’t much better but I can at least somewhat attend school and work with those happening… So now I’m reconsidering medication

i was on SSRIs (fluoxetine 20 mg initially and then switched to escitalopram 10 mg since I found the former too stimulating) for about three weeks. But I ended up quitting them because I felt very unlike myself. Almost felt high tbh.

something didn’t sit right with me ‘psycho-spiritually’ about being dependent on a substance either. But it seems I may be non functional without one.

LSD helped when I first started using it but that was short lived and given that I’m only 20 I think I want to let my brain finish development before trying psychedelics again

sorry for the long rant. I guess I’m just wondering at what point did you decide an antidepressant was right for you? And are you happy with your decision?

 

[nznity]

Fuck those meds... I'm better off taking just gabapentin to stabilize my mood. I threw all off my zoloft to the trash bin.

 

[thegreenhand]

Fuck those meds... I'm better off taking just gabapentin to stabilize my mood. I threw all off my zoloft to the trash bin.

Never tried gabapentin myself

But yeah I’m not opposed to (and might even prefer) something atypical being prescribed. I would probably prefer a stimulant of some sort myself though rather than a GABA drug though

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Hey man you run a lot right? And it's that bad?

Normally I'm in the camp that says the vast majority of depression can be cured with proper diet, exercise, mindfulness/CBT, routine, accomplishing things, etc... because for ME that's what always worked. Since I was a kid every single shrink I've been to put me on an antidepressant. I've been on all of them from prozac to welbutrin. They always gave more side effects than benefit. These days, after my tryptamine schizo episode, I can't take any SSRIs so they literally aren't an option for me anymore.

But I ended up quitting them because I felt very unlike myself. Almost felt high tbh.

This is always why I end up quitting them. They make me feel weird... with the worst thing being the destroyed libido/orgasms. APs do the same thing.

Anyways, what's going on in your life? Aren't you in college atm?

 

[thegreenhand]

Hey man you run a lot right? And it's that bad?

Normally I'm in the camp that says the vast majority of depression can be cured with proper diet, exercise, mindfulness/CBT, routine, accomplishing things, etc... because for ME that's what always worked. Since I was a kid every single shrink I've been to put me on an antidepressant. I've been on all of them from prozac to welbutrin. They always gave more side effects than benefit. These days, after my tryptamine schizo episode, I can't take any SSRIs so they literally aren't an option for me anymore.



This is always why I end up quitting them. They make me feel weird.

Anyways, what's going on in your life? Aren't you in college atm?

I do run multiple times a week. But getting out to do that has been progressively more difficult. I just can’t bring myself to some days. This week in particular has been rough. I haven’t run in the last 4 days :/

i normally am in that camp as well. Ive been thinking I’ll ask to have full blood work done to test for nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, etc. before taking any prescriptions. I’m holding out hope that maybe it’s something as simple as that

and yeah I don’t wanna feel weird form the drug. It just fucks with my sense of self

And I opted to take this semester off. I talked with my friends, family, and therapist about it and they all agreed it may be for the best. I don’t think I’d be able to do well at all in the condition I’m in right now. But also I have absolutely no sense of purpose now that I’m out of school. classes at least provided a sense of movement and fulfillment

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I do run multiple times a week. But getting out to do that has been progressively more difficult. I just can’t bring myself to some days. This week in particular has been rough. I haven’t run in the last 4 days :/

That would always be a huge red flag for me, personally.

I love running, and I surmise you do as well. Even when I'm super depressed I still love to run and chase those endorphins.

Depression is so complex and confusing sometimes. It has 10,000 different causes and so many ways to treat it.

For me the causes of depression are obvious and are mostly psychological. I can directly correlate my level of activity/achievement to my level of depression. When I sit around moping all day, watching TV/youtube, playing games, sleeping, etc... avoiding life... that's what feeds my depression. My depression thrives on inactivity.

Eating healthy, running, sticking to a routine and NOT avoiding my life's responsibilities = my anti-depressant.

But if you're already doing those things and still depressed, getting worse, I would definitely look at medication. It's worth a shot. Even if you have side effects for awhile, it might be the float you need to reach the surface and then you can take it from there without the pills.

I talk a lot of shit about anti-depressants, but I would never tell someone not to give them a shot. Sometimes depression is purely brain chemistry and they might be what works for you. They only have 15% efficacy - but maybe you're part of that 15%

 

[thegreenhand]

For me the causes of depression are obvious and are mostly psychological. I can directly correlate my level of activity/achievement to my level of depression. When I sit around moping all day, watching TV/youtube, playing games, sleeping, etc... avoiding life... that's what feeds my depression.

This has always been my philosophy as well. But now idk. Even when I was getting excellent grades, regular exercise, and regular social activity this spring I was still depressed. But now doing those things seems impossible. Tbh I don’t know how one can parse out the moping as symptom or a cause

 

[Snafu in the Void]

This has always been my philosophy as well. But now idk. Even when I was getting excellent grades, regular exercise, and regular social activity this spring I was still depressed. But now doing those things seems impossible. Tbh I don’t know how one can parse out the moping as symptom or a cause

that makes me think this may be more chemistry and psychological

but don't form conclusions without more proof on my own speculation

Definitely give some medication a try.

What's your drug/alcohol use like?

 

[thegreenhand]

that makes me think this may be more chemistry and psychological

but don't form conclusions without more proof on my own speculation

Definitely give some medication a try.

What's your drug/alcohol use like?

A few hits of weed about 1-3 nights a week. Alcohol (a couple drinks) more like once a week. No psychedelics anymore. Amphetamine once a month or so earlier this year but none for about 2.5 months now. MDMA a couple times a year.

overall much less use than in than in the past. 1-2 years ago i was a smoke all day everyday kind of guy. Cutting back hasn’t even really been a conscious choice or struggle. It’s just sorta… happened. Idk why, I just have less interest in it. But sometimes things are too painful and then indulge

 

[Snafu in the Void]

A few hits of weed about 1-3 nights a week. Alcohol (a couple drinks) more like once a week. No psychedelics anymore. Amphetamine once a month or so earlier this year but none for about 2.5 months now. MDMA a couple times a year.

overall much less use than in than in the past. 1-2 years ago i was a smoke all day everyday kind of guy. Cutting back hasn’t even really been a conscious choice or struggle. It’s just sorta… happened. Idk why, I just have less interest in it. But sometimes things are too painful and then indulge

what's going on otherwise? Social life? Career/college?

I guess what I'm asking is if you have an obvious reason to be depressed? Is this new/sudden?

My depression was always rational like self loathing and hating myself for hiding from my anxieties.

There's also irrational depression

I dunno, I'm no psych student. Just some dude on the internets who also deals with major depression.

 

[deficiT]

I've waffled back and forth between taking meds and not, for several years now. It's a shitty cycle. But I've decided that I'm simply more stable and less prone to substance abuse when I'm on meds. It took me a while to find the right meds, that don't give me a bunch of side effects or make me feel dull. And, as it turns out, SSRIs were not the right meds for me. They're the first line of defense with psychiatry but they aren't perfect at all.

Some people need to be on meds, because the depression and suicidal ideation can be so crushing. I don't know if that's you, but that's me. Recommending exercise is a bit of a catch 22, as one of the very symptoms you're battling is the inability to get motivated. Some people need meds, to even think about getting up and getting exercise. Maybe that's you, maybe it's not. But the stakes are kinda high tbh, depression can be a fatal disease.

Definitely something you need to discuss with a professional at length, but that's not really enough either. Finding a way to live a fulfilling life is really the only cure all for mental illness. It's very hard to do, but I wish you the best and I'm always here if you need any support.

 

[thegreenhand]

what's going on otherwise? Social life? Career/college?

I guess what I'm asking is if you have an obvious reason to be depressed? Is this new/sudden?

My depression was always rational like self loathing and hating myself for hiding from my anxieties.

There's also irrational depression

I dunno, I'm no psych student. Just some dude on the internets who also deals with major depression.

No major trauma or life stressors at the moment. Social life is admittedly reduced since I moved back home. All my friends but one have moved away and he’s busy a lot so I don’t get to see him too much. I’m working for my grandma right now. Medical courier so lots of driving by myself. Pays about $650 a week so not bad considering I only work 3-4 days out of the week (I have to work weekends though).

i don’t see any obvious reason I would be depressed. And no not new but this is undoubtedly thr worst it’s ever been. It used to be manageable enough that I could leave the house. Now that’s a massive undertaking

part of me feels like trying to rationalize it is the problem. Maybe it started with something you can point to like quarantine loneliness + stress of full time classes and two part time jobs. Because it did start as those stresses came into my life but now that they are gone the depression persists. So I think maybe it’s physiological at this point.

 

[thegreenhand]

I've waffled back and forth between taking meds and not, for several years now. It's a shitty cycle. But I've decided that I'm simply more stable and less prone to substance abuse when I'm on meds. It took me a while to find the right meds, that don't give me a bunch of side effects or make me feel dull. And, as it turns out, SSRIs were not the right meds for me. They're the first line of defense with psychiatry but they aren't perfect at all.

Some people need to be on meds, because the depression and suicidal ideation can be so crushing. I don't know if that's you, but that's me. Recommending exercise is a bit of a catch 22, as one of the very symptoms you're battling is the inability to get motivated. Some people need meds, to even think about getting up and getting exercise. Maybe that's you, maybe it's not. But the stakes are kinda high tbh, depression can be a fatal disease.

Definitely something you need to discuss with a professional at length, but that's not really enough either. Finding a way to live a fulfilling life is really the only cure all for mental illness. It's very hard to do, but I wish you the best and I'm always here if you need any support.

I set up an appointment next week with a younger psychiatrist. Hopefully they are more current on best treatment practices having been in med school more recently. I will definitely be asking them about other classes of drugs.

The depression and suicidal ideation are indeed crushing. I lay in the fetal position wanting to cry but unable to actually get tears out most days, just in pain from not wanting to be alive. And yes exercise is indeed a catch 22. The conversation on here sort of motivated me and just ran 3 miles on a nearby trail, so that was nice at least. But it is getting harder and harder to muster the will power to get out the door.

My parents certainly seem to think i need medication. But their idea of it seems to be that it’s a magical pill that gives you life. And that side effects can be completely avoided by a “mild” drug at a low dose.

So yeah idk. I guess if i decide to medicate i just have to run the gamut of substances until I find one that works

 

[G_Chem]

I guess my only comment is what makes antidepressants ok to take with a developing brain and psychedelics not? I’d argue the psychedelics are safer, and most of them with a longer track record as well.

I turned out just fine

-GC

 

[thegreenhand]

I guess my only comment is what makes antidepressants ok to take with a developing brain and psychedelics not? I’d argue the psychedelics are safer, and most of them with a longer track record as well.

I turned out just fine

-GC

This is a fair point. I guess the idea of pharmaceutical supply and a physician to monitor give me comfort

Plus a psychotic break on my last lsd trip told me to take some time away from them. I dont feel as if there is anything for me to learn from the substance at this point

 

[deficiT]

I set up an appointment next week with a younger psychiatrist. Hopefully they are more current on best treatment practices having been in med school more recently. I will definitely be asking them about other classes of drugs.

The depression and suicidal ideation are indeed crushing. I lay in the fetal position wanting to cry but unable to actually get tears out most days, just in pain from not wanting to be alive. And yes exercise is indeed a catch 22. The conversation on here sort of motivated me and just ran 3 miles on a nearby trail, so that was nice at least. But it is getting harder and harder to muster the will power to get out the door.

My parents certainly seem to think i need medication. But their idea of it seems to be that it’s a magical pill that gives you life. And that side effects can be completely avoided by a “mild” drug at a low dose.

So yeah idk. I guess if i decide to medicate i just have to run the gamut of substances until I find one that works

Well, hang in there friend I know how hard it can be. You will get through it though. Wellbutrin works pretty well for me. Has a lot of the positive effects of an antidepressant with little to no side effects. I also take abilify and Seroquel which help in their own ways too. I would recommend Wellbutrin if you're having problems with SSRIs. Just from my experience that's whats worked, there are many other options though.

 

[thegreenhand]

Well, hang in there friend I know how hard it can be. You will get through it though. Wellbutrin works pretty well for me. Has a lot of the positive effects of an antidepressant with little to no side effects. I also take abilify and Seroquel which help in their own ways too. I would recommend Wellbutrin if you're having problems with SSRIs. Just from my experience that's whats worked, there are many other options though.

I’ve heard good things about Wellbutrin from others as well. I’ll ask the doctor about it when I’m there.

I’ve even considered ECT, but that has its own demons ofc

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

For me the causes of depression are obvious and are mostly psychological. I can directly correlate my level of activity/achievement to my level of depression. When I sit around moping all day, watching TV/youtube, playing games, sleeping, etc... avoiding life... that's what feeds my depression. My depression thrives on inactivity

And mine, but when you so low you don't want to leave the house as also suffer anxiety there's nothing I can do, I've needed to dose myself up with Zapain and extra valium as I know I need to leave th house today and I'm in bed crying

Tried almost all antidepressants and all cause worse side effects to the point I've been banned from being prescribed any off my doctor, so I self medicate but trying to taper its just to hard I can't cope with the depression, insomnia, anxiety then that makes my fibromyalgia worse

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

I started taking antidepressants in 2012 due to bad GAD. I felt relief within 2 weeks. I have no regrets although it kinda sucks being dependent on them especially when they didn't even help my fear of crowds. That was fixed by self prescribed dopamine agonists

That's why I started the anxiety and depression turned out to be GAD, nothing really helped, but K helps going into crowds as I have social anxiety too, which I think is part of GAD, K affects dopamine so maybe that's why I feel okay ish to go into crowds on it, but it's not something I can take all the time due to cost, tolerence and the K these days is either crap, okay ish, then shit, then bad effects from it, then good, you never know what you're getting, but K is the only thing that helps the most, valium too but K is the best just so dam expensive

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I was 19 and had been depressed since 11 and suicidal since 13. I was at a point where I had become totally isolated. I almost never slept and never ate. I hadn't bathed or changed clothes in 3 weeks and I never wanted to have to wash my hair or brush my teeth ever again. Time just seemed to stretch out in front of me forever with nothing but pain. I looked out of my bedroom window and a tidal wave of blood filled with mutilated corpses washed over the street. Spiders and insects would crawl en masse out of shadowy areas etc.
I used to go to the ocean at night sometimes when nobody else was there and just scream and scream.
For some reason I decided to see a doctor because killing myself for sure (I had a plan I knew would definitely work).