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Desperate 21 years on meth... Help

Is it for life?

Is it for life?

Greenlighter
Joined
May 28, 2022
Messages
9
Hello, I have been using meth for as long as I can remember. I am a functioning addict. Well, as functional as one could be that is. I never let meth completely take over in a sense like I've seen it do to others. They loose literally everything. I still have my house, cars, gf, and a remodeling company.

In the last few years I've almost resided myself to the belief that once we flood our brain with large amounts of dopamine there just isn't any coming back from that. It's for life. I've always wanted to quit but just never could fully quit. I'm a daily user. I only missed using 4 days in 2021. And haven't missed any this year.

I have a lot riding on my shoulders. I support more than a few people so I MUST continue to work and make money. But I know if I quit meth I will be a complete emotional wreck and a total sloth for at least a month. There is no one to take care of me or the bills or the people I take care of. It's almost like quiting meth would be physically irresponsible. So I'm caught up in a cycle. "Caught in the mosh"

I have been on county probation for years at a time and became a felon 2 years ago when I was indicted on delivery of narcotics. Fucking dtf finally got me on video. I was put on state probation and so far I've been lucky enough not to fail drug tests. I have been using a medical urine bag and a tube taped to the bottom of my nuts. I've had some funny and close calls using it "pissed all over the wall, floor and myself" but have never been caught with it.

Recently I caught another charge and have been put on community corrections. It's a very strict probation program with close monitoring and weekly drug testing. Unfortunately my tube apparatus will not work because they make you lift up shirt and pull pants down to ankles. No way to hide it now.

Seems my only option at this point is to either quit or get violated and revoked to serve on a 8 year suspended sentence in state prison. The funny part is the fact that this is even a choice to me. That I would even consider saying fuck it and risk the 8 years in state prison. It's absolutely obsurd that meth has such a hold on me. But 21 years using, 15 solid years of use is quite a long time. I'm sure by now my brain has changed so much that it will be very difficult to quit. I have to admit I'm scared. I don't know how I will be able to accomplish this and still hold everything together. I have always had great willpower with everything in life except this. Meth has control. I feel powerless to it.

I have 5 days until my drug test and I used 3 hours ago so I guess this was my last time to use unless I want to end up in prison for 8 years.

I feel so hopeless. I need help. I don't want to go into rehab because everything would fall apart without me. I don't want to go to jail for the same reason. So my only real option is to quit on my own right now cold turkey.
I'm not one to be emotional over much but I am literally crying right now. This is going to be so hard.

I guess I am writing this post to ask for anyone's help on this matter. What can I do to soften the blow? I can't really afford to miss any work but under the circumstances I am allowing myself 7 days. I will have to get back at it after that time period has passed. Does anyone have any tips on how to gain natural energy back quickly? Other medication I could take? Supplements?
I'm open to just about anything at this point except letting my life fall apart while I struggle with the withdraw. With my long term use I'm probably looking at 30 days before I will be able to even function properly and most likely 1-2 years before everything is back to normal.
It's sad, I don't even remember what normal is anymore.

Thanks to anyone that took time to read this and any advice would be much appreciated.
 
Holy cow, that's alot of time,!! I'm no stim drugs expert but from my experience yeah...well not really that much time to get some energy back prob a week to 10 days but the anhedonia,depression,boredom can be soulcrushing mate. Like u said, yes supplements can help since drugs suck out all the life outta you. Ppl say stimulants don't have a withdrawal phase when u quit them and it's sorta true cause u don't vomit and puke buckets like heroin, instead it's mostly psychological but it can get very intense.
Idk about u but 30 years is alot, maybe its time to lay off the pipe a lil if not altogether. Try skipping days in-between first and as u make some progress stay more days without using and only use the bare min to get out of bed not to reach the stratosphere . I wish you luck bro. May 4th b with u.
 
nikers said:
Holy cow, that's alot of time,!! I'm no stim drugs expert but from my experience yeah...well not really that much time to get some energy back prob a week to 10 days but the anhedonia,depression,boredom can be soulcrushing mate. Like u said, yes supplements can help since drugs suck out all the life outta you. Ppl say stimulants don't have a withdrawal phase when u quit them and it's sorta true cause u don't vomit and puke buckets like heroin, instead it's mostly psychological but it can get very intense.
Idk about u but 30 years is alot, maybe its time to lay off the pipe a lil if not altogether. Try skipping days in-between first and as u make some progress stay more days without using and only use the bare min to get out of bed not to reach the stratosphere . I wish you luck bro. May 4th b with u.
Click to expand...
I wish I had the time to step it down slowly. Unfortunately in my circumstance it's quit or jail.
 
I think you are overestimating the negative effects you will experience coming off meth. Sure you will be a little burnt as you recover. Things may become a little more difficult, but you can field them and work through it. It will be NOTHING compared to eight years inside as you will lose everything including you.

They have you and your outa chances.. this last one.

So give up the idea of using meth till you clear paper.. and if your looking at a suspended eight year sentence that’s likely almost forever.

Your going to have to find some support. Doing this on your own is going to be very difficult and probably may end bad.

Your deep in the system.. and about to disappear.

You need to play the game hard!! And it’s their game. Cut all your shit out and cut out everyone in the game.

You have to find support., NA, outpatient rehab (you can still work and do everything.

You can also start to devise a plan to get on legal socially and legally accepted stims like addy. That may take a little bit.

What’s your route of administration?
 
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I
neversickanymore said:
I think you are overestimating the negative effects you will experience coming off meth. Sure you will be a little burnt as you recover. Things may become a little more difficult, but you can field them and work through it. It will be NOTHING compared to eight years inside as you will lose everything including you.

They have you and your outa chances.. this last one.

So give up the idea of using meth till you clear paper.. and if your looking at a suspended eight year sentence that’s likely almost forever.

Your going to have to find some support. Doing this on your own is going to be very difficult and probably may end bad.

Your deep in the system.. and about to disappear.

You need to play the game hard!! And it’s their game. Cut all your shit out and cut out everyone in the game.

You have to find support., NA, outpatient rehab (you can still work and do everything.

You can also start to devise a plan to get on legal socially and legally accepted stims like addy. That may take a little bit.

What’s your route of administration?
Click to expand...
hope your right about overestimating the effects of withdraw.
 
When you say route of administration are you referring to the method of which I intake the drug?
neversickanymore said:
I think you are overestimating the negative effects you will experience coming off meth. Sure you will be a little burnt as you recover. Things may become a little more difficult, but you can field them and work through it. It will be NOTHING compared to eight years inside as you will lose everything including you.

They have you and your outa chances.. this last one.

So give up the idea of using meth till you clear paper.. and if your looking at a suspended eight year sentence that’s likely almost forever.

Your going to have to find some support. Doing this on your own is going to be very difficult and probably may end bad.

Your deep in the system.. and about to disappear.

You need to play the game hard!! And it’s their game. Cut all your shit out and cut out everyone in the game.

You have to find support., NA, outpatient rehab (you can still work and do everything.

You can also start to devise a plan to get on legal socially and legally accepted stims like addy. That may take a little bit.

What’s your route of administration?
Click to expand...
 
Shouldn’t have much at all for acute physical withdrawal. May end up with some PAWS.. but hopefully those will be minor as well.

Catch up on your sleep and nutrition.. eat and sleep. Add a quality multivitamin if you don’t already. Take it easy for a bit. Your concentration and mental abilities may be a little foggy for a short period. Don’t stress yourself out as this could drive use. It will get better quick so don’t worry.

Big one with meth and stims in general is the psychological addiction. That’s the one you really need to address.

Some extra sleep, starting a regular aerobic exercise routine.. anything that gets you breathing works.. it replenishes the neurotransmitters you have been manipulating and returns your levels to homeostasis.

Taking a supplement that provides a neurotransmitter precursor like phenylalanine or l tyrosine. This will provide your system with the precursor to the neurotransmitters you need to replenish. Then a little aerobic exercise to stimulate the production and regulation of the system.

You also will get a free pure high from the exercise.

But the huge concern is how are you going to battle and win against your addiction to meth, keep your life and stay the fuck out of prison.

You need to set up a strong recovery plan.

What are you going to do to deal with the physical effects, what are you going to do to deal with the addiction.

Don’t freak out.. you can do this.. but nows not the time to just cast off shore without a strong game plan.
 
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The reason I asked about the ROA is because people often become really addicted to their ROA, even independent of results. It’s good to consider this when looking at treatment with another substance. Can’t really smoke addy and you can’t shoot vyv. If your good with oral your all set.
 
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Hey bud, my heart goes out you, I used meth on and off for 20 years, some years using daily and others using intermittently. It ate my body up and was a source for a lot of crazy bullshit. I finally said no to meth and haven't looked back.

Do you have any vacation time? I know you own the company but is there any one who can take the reigns for a couple of weeks? Out of all the drugs I've been addicted to meth was one of the easier to quit, not saying it's easy by any means, but it's doable. Yes, the emotional part and the fatigue will be a bitch but you got this.
 
neversickanymore said:
Shouldn’t have much at all for acute physical withdrawal. May end up with some PAWS.. but hopefully those will be minor as well.

Catch up on your sleep and nutrition.. eat and sleep. Add a quality multivitamin if you don’t already. Take it easy for a bit. Your concentration and mental abilities may be a little foggy for a short period. Don’t stress yourself out as this could drive use. It will get better quick so don’t worry.

Big one with meth and stims in general is the psychological addiction. That’s the one you really need to address.

Some extra sleep, starting a regular aerobic exercise routine.. anything that gets you breathing works.. it replenishes the neurotransmitters you have been manipulating and returns your levels to homeostasis.

Taking a supplement that provides a neurotransmitter precursor like phenylalanine or l tyrosine. This will provide your system with the precursor to the neurotransmitters you need to replenish. Then a little aerobic exercise to stimulate the production and regulation of the system.

You also will get a free pure high from the exercise.

But the huge concern is how are you going to battle and win against your addiction to meth, keep your life and stay the fuck out of prison.

You need to set up a strong recovery plan.

What are you going to do to deal with the physical effects, what are you going to do to deal with the addiction.

Don’t freak out.. you can do this.. but nows not the time to just cast off shore without a strong game plan.
Click to expand...
I really appreciate your advice. I guess i was freaking out earlier..

I will definitely look into neurotransmitter precursors. I will also get a plan together.
As long as I'm passing drug tests I don't have to worry about prison.

The issue left is how do I continue to work with no motivation or energy?
I wish I could rely on willpower but the fatigue and mental confusion is horrible. I'm worried it will get the better of me.
 
neversickanymore said:
The reason I asked about the ROA is because people often become really addicted to their ROA, even independent of results. It’s good to consider this when looking at treatment with another substance. Can’t really smoke addy and you can’t shoot vyv. If your good with oral your all set.
Click to expand...
This is very very true. I actually found it much easier to take long breaks from IV meth than I do from smoking meth. Much much harder. With IV meth I never really really felt out of control addiction. But I have felt that smoking is uncontrollable.

But still, uncontrollable meth smoking is probably preferable to regular injecting even with significant breaks between binges.


OP, a couple of other things besides nutrition, exercise, and sleep - which are all vital…

Remove all drugs and drug taking apparatus from your home. If you are keeping a stash for any reason whatsoever you are fucked sooner or later. Give it away, sell it if you must, or best of all flush it.

Then block the numbers of EVERY person connected in any way with your meth using and delete their contacts. Make it hard for yourself to get back in touch with them. Even it you need to change your numbrer - or possibly your address.

After that start thinking about the people or situations that trigger you into using. Sometimes they are hard to identify. Some might be positive things (certain friends or sex) or negative things (thinking about past trauma or coping with work).

You need a long term plan to escape from these things
 
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Is it for life? said:
Hello, I have been using meth for as long as I can remember. I am a functioning addict. Well, as functional as one could be that is. I never let meth completely take over in a sense like I've seen it do to others. They loose literally everything. I still have my house, cars, gf, and a remodeling company.

In the last few years I've almost resided myself to the belief that once we flood our brain with large amounts of dopamine there just isn't any coming back from that. It's for life. I've always wanted to quit but just never could fully quit. I'm a daily user. I only missed using 4 days in 2021. And haven't missed any this year.

I have a lot riding on my shoulders. I support more than a few people so I MUST continue to work and make money. But I know if I quit meth I will be a complete emotional wreck and a total sloth for at least a month. There is no one to take care of me or the bills or the people I take care of. It's almost like quiting meth would be physically irresponsible. So I'm caught up in a cycle. "Caught in the mosh"

I have been on county probation for years at a time and became a felon 2 years ago when I was indicted on delivery of narcotics. Fucking dtf finally got me on video. I was put on state probation and so far I've been lucky enough not to fail drug tests. I have been using a medical urine bag and a tube taped to the bottom of my nuts. I've had some funny and close calls using it "pissed all over the wall, floor and myself" but have never been caught with it.

Recently I caught another charge and have been put on community corrections. It's a very strict probation program with close monitoring and weekly drug testing. Unfortunately my tube apparatus will not work because they make you lift up shirt and pull pants down to ankles. No way to hide it now.

Seems my only option at this point is to either quit or get violated and revoked to serve on a 8 year suspended sentence in state prison. The funny part is the fact that this is even a choice to me. That I would even consider saying fuck it and risk the 8 years in state prison. It's absolutely obsurd that meth has such a hold on me. But 21 years using, 15 solid years of use is quite a long time. I'm sure by now my brain has changed so much that it will be very difficult to quit. I have to admit I'm scared. I don't know how I will be able to accomplish this and still hold everything together. I have always had great willpower with everything in life except this. Meth has control. I feel powerless to it.

I have 5 days until my drug test and I used 3 hours ago so I guess this was my last time to use unless I want to end up in prison for 8 years.

I feel so hopeless. I need help. I don't want to go into rehab because everything would fall apart without me. I don't want to go to jail for the same reason. So my only real option is to quit on my own right now cold turkey.
I'm not one to be emotional over much but I am literally crying right now. This is going to be so hard.

I guess I am writing this post to ask for anyone's help on this matter. What can I do to soften the blow? I can't really afford to miss any work but under the circumstances I am allowing myself 7 days. I will have to get back at it after that time period has passed. Does anyone have any tips on how to gain natural energy back quickly? Other medication I could take? Supplements?
I'm open to just about anything at this point except letting my life fall apart while I struggle with the withdraw. With my long term use I'm probably looking at 30 days before I will be able to even function properly and most likely 1-2 years before everything is back to normal.
It's sad, I don't even remember what normal is anymore.

Thanks to anyone that took time to read this and any advice would be much appreciated.
Click to expand...
Could you have your hands on legit.prescribed stims?It probably is not the same like smoke or i.v.meth,but it could let you functioning...and Welcome
 
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