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Head On
Second 2C-N Trial, at 130mg, Oral
4-2-2022
by Xorkoth
(Link to my first trial for reference)
Second 2C-N Trial, at 130mg, Oral
4-2-2022
by Xorkoth
(Link to my first trial for reference)
Recently I had the good fortune to be gifted with 350mg of 2C-N nitrate. It is a bright, beautiful yellow powder, similar otherwise in appearance and texture to the other 2C-Xs. The nitrate salt is about 9% less potent than the HCL salt which is the salt reported in all previous 2C-N reports, including the ones in PIHKAL. I have four trials planned out with it, with the intention of filling out the information on the effective dosage range and nature of the effects of this extreme rarity, as well as attempting to discover how rectal administration differs from oral administration. There is a dearth of reports, and until my last trial (linked above) at 60mg, they all were at about 120mg or higher. I found out in my last trial that the compound is certainly active at 60mg, and was in fact quite worthwhile. I anticipate that it will be about twice as potent rectally as it is orally, based on the same being true of all of the other 2C-Xs (and indeed, pretty much all of the phenethylamines), though it is possible it may be less than that, or possibly even much more, if it is easily broken down by monoamine oxidase and that is why it's so impotent when taken orally. My second trial was planned at 130mg orally, which should be roughly equivalent to about 120mg of the HCL salt, which is the most commonly reported dosage. My 60mg trial proved that the compound is quite friendly and worthwhile, so I decided to go forward with my 130mg dose without fear.
Set and Setting
I went into more detail about my mental set in my last trial, but I will mention it here too in an abbreviated form, as it is highly relevant to the trip, and thus, to the report. I have been really struggling with my girlfriend lately. She is just always depressed. She has childhood PTSD but doesn't really believe there is any way for her to get better. She is kind to me and we have a peaceful and loving relationship, but it is really wearing on me lately, a lot. The pandemic really kicked things up a few notches because for the past couple of years I have been spending a lot more time at home, instead of out of the road with my band and hanging out with friends, charging my batteries, so to speak. So I feel like I am always drained, trying to help lift her up. It's getting to where I am not sure if I can, or should, keep trying. But I don't want to abandon her. What I really want more than anything is for her to rise up and take control of her life, and realize she has the power to make herself who she wants to be, and derive happiness from people and situations. I have a dream of her having a profound experience, maybe MDMA assisted psychotherapy, maybe a trip, and coming out of it with a new mindset, of embracing life and realizing that she's a cool person who has things to give to others. But I am not sure if it is going to happen, and it's been over 7 years of trying. And I'm 38 years old now, I'm not getting younger. So, as you can imagine, this predicament tends to dominate my inner life. It has started to color everything for me and is never far from my thoughts.
My last psychedelic was on 60mg of 2C-N, on March 20th, so about 2 weeks ago. During that trip, my girlfriend seemed to catch a contact high and we talked through some painful stuff and it left us both feeling positive and glowing. It didn't totally last, but I have found myself more able to put down the frustration I feel and interact with her from a "cleaner" place. My hopes for this trip are both to see what a higher dose has to offer, and to have another session of deep talks. As before, the setting is during a hike. I weighed out 130mg of 2C-N nitrate and put it in a foil packet. From experience I know that it comes on very quickly, so I waited until we had parked and were starting on our hike to take it.
The Trip
3:15pm (T+0:00) - I eat the 130mg of 2C-N. As before, it has a very bitter flavor, reminiscent of other 2C-Xs and phenethylamines in general, but with an extra clinging nastiness. I swish some water around in my mouth and swallow a few times to try to clear it, with partial success. The taste fades after a few minutes and is never enough to bother me much. Then again, I'm a freak, after almost 2 decades of purposely tasting psychedelic chemicals, I am not much bothered by bad tastes.
3:22pm (T+0:07) - First alerts have hit me very suddenly and decidedly (looking back later, exactly 7 minutes was when I recorded first alerts the last time, too). I feel it mostly in my face, a warm glow, it almost feels like a flushing as one would feel in a heavy blush. My fingertips also feel a faint pulsing sensation, and there is a flutter in my stomach, similar to the feeling of excitement for something that is about to happen. Which, I suppose, there is.
3:25pm (T+0:10) - This is ramping up quickly. There is a suggestion of visuals with my eyes open, the edges of leaves around me seem to faintly pulse. Colors have saturated very nicely. Again, I am reminded to a fair extent of mescaline, but the feeling is much "faster" and immediate, where mescaline is relaxed and slow. My body feels lovely, and there is no hint of anxiety or scrunginess in the nervous system. My mood has turned decidedly positive. I have a silly energy, but I am not particularly driven to externalize that. I feel rather inwardly focused, calm and content within myself, but with an energy coursing through my limbs which makes walking quite nice.
3:30pm (T+0:15) - We are walking on a trail that is on the edge of a rainforesty drop-off, a green cliff. It is gorgeous and I think about how it would be easy to fall. But I feel very competent in my movements and physical presence. I notice that if I look at something for more than a few seconds, it begins to shift around. This is not the persian carpet style visuals from something like 2C-B, nor the fractals of 2C-E. I must instead once again make a comparison to mescaline, in that it shares that substance's open eyed visual character. The world is moving around me, more alive than usual, but in a very natural looking way. Of course, everything actually is alive around me. But there is an extra breathing character to it that is pleasant and distinct.
Because of the activity with eyes open, I take a few minutes to stop and pee, and while doing so, I close my eyes. Immediately I am greeted by a network of sharp-edged white blobs over a black background. The blobs are very distinct, and they're moving quite a bit. Their detail is intricate. Their movement is hypnotic and I find myself drifting a bit, but before long I open my eyes because I am on a hike. For one of my remaining trials, I will definitely try laying down and listening to music. The closed-eye realm feels very inviting, but the situation I put myself in is not conducive to that sort of thing.
4:40pm (T+1:25) - I have just spent the last hour or so having some very serious and emotional conversations with my girlfriend. Shortly after my last time entry, we stopped to get a drink of water, and looking back I am not even sure exactly how it came up, but before long I found myself communicating thoughts and frustrations about her to her that I have never been able to say, but that have really needed to be said. She kept wanting to bring it back to "well it's not my fault, my dad fucked me up", and I gently but firmly kept reminding her that her life is hers to take control of, and that she can let go of that pain if she tries. It is not her destiny to be a victim forever. I was careful with what I said, and it was still difficult for me to bring this stuff up, but I somehow had the words, and the bravery, to communicate what has been eating me up inside. I can only surmise that 2C-N was the difference between now and other times when I have talked with her and wanted to fully tell her how I'm feeling and where I'm at, but can't bear to let her know how much it makes me resentful and scared.
I felt bouyed by a great feeling of love for her, the same as last time I took 2C-N. And similarly, she seemed more able to say what she was feeling without clamming up, though this time there does not seem to be any appreciable contact high. I was careful in how I worded things, but basically communicated to her that I have been feeling a ton of frustration and resentment due to her lack of trying to get better and the toll it takes on me to be with someone so unhappy with life. I communicated that I am not going to be able to handle this forever, and the thought of a lifetime of this with no end fills me with dread and anger. I communicated that I want to be with her, but that I am reaching the end of my rope. I communicated to her that I need her to try again, to find a therapist and stick with it, or find some other way to work towards getting to a better place, that people can and do improve their lives dramatically by doing the work. We talked about some stuff from the past, for example, she revisited her last therapy experience and asked me if that therapist was actually a bitch (I had gone to a session with her) - she interpreted being asked confronting questions to the therapist just being a terrible, callous person. I got to tell her that she wasn't, and explained my perception of how my girlfriend acted and reacted... seeing it through my eyes seemed to really surprise her and I think it was useful.
Throughout this talk, there was a good bit of crying. I felt bad, and tried to only push it as much as she could handle. I hugged her and just held her for a bit at one point. During this whole thing, the feeling I had was much different from the feeling I had during my 60mg trip. In that trip, I felt bouyant, radiant, carefree. Revisiting my painful memories felt very good. Not so with this trip, in this case, this process was difficult. I felt pain and some amount of anxiety and even guilt saying these things, and my girlfriend felt a lot of pain, though of course, the subject matter this time was about my problems with her, as opposed to old pain caused by others that we were sharing and bonding over, so it was not easy for her or cathartic, as it was to share old pain to someone she loves.
Another difference was that last time, I felt extremely present and in the moment. I was not really changed much in my thoughts, other than I felt open and I was strongly reliving old experiences. However, this time, during the whole painful conversation, I was buzzing strongly with a pulsing or throbbing sort of energy in my body. My vision was pulsating along with me, and when I closed my eyes I saw that vibrant field of white patterns. I felt almost a sense of subtle unreality and disconnection from myself and the situation. At times, I almost felt I was watching myself, and wondered how the words were coming out of my mouth. Looking back on this discussion later, as I write this report, it was certainly the peak, and it feels quite dream-like in my memory. It was not pleasant, but that was due to the content... it is never a good time telling your girlfriend that it's getting to where you are always annoyed with her and think about breaking up with her regularly. But physically, I felt great, and the visuals, while not super interesting, are unique and vibrant. As before at 60mg, there are no worrisome side effects at all, and virtually zero bodyload. There is definitely more presence in the body than at 60mg, by a lot. But it doesn't feel grungy or edgy, or stimulating. Again, like last time, I can compare it to mescaline, though it is also quite different.
5:00pm (T+1:45) - We ran out of things to talk about, everything said that anyone wanted to say, about 15 minutes ago, and realized we had gotten quite cold, so we started walking again. Currently we're walking, and she is a good stretch ahead of me, and seems to want to be alone. I can tell she's hurt, but she doesn't seem mad at me; I think instead that she is sad, and probably very mad at herself. But I am relieved to have really told her how I'm feeling and where my head is at. This was much needed. And I'll be here when she wants to rejoin.
I believe I am just past the peak, which happened somewhere in the middle of our conversation, probably around T+1:00. This drug comes on so quickly, it's shocking. Right now I am still very much in it, though a bit on the way down, maybe about 85-90% of the strength of the peak. My mood is decent, I am certainly far from euphoric, but I am emotionally weary from the conversation we had, and somewhat worried at how the ramifications of it play out in the near future. I am also hurting for her... I know she is feeling a lot of pain right now. Despite this, I feel that this was the right thing to happen. I would say that the 2C-N is bolstering my ability to feel calm and somewhat serene about this. It seems to have that effect, which is part of why I keep being reminded of mescaline. I find mescaline also has that character, it isn't a rush of outright euphoria like an empathogen/entactogen, but more of a calm, zen-like, expansive stability with a strong lean towards love and acceptance of self and others. 2C-N has some of this, for sure, but I think a bit more neutral in character, much more inwardly focused. Not that it IS neutral, like I would describe 2C-E. It is not emotionally disconnected at all, and is definitely focused in a positive direction. It is just that it seems a bit closer to neutral than mescaline does and much more contained.
As for the somatic effects, the body high is quite strong, and pleasurable. I do not have a mirror, but it feels like my pupils are huge. Colors are bright and saturated, and there is the suggestion of psychedelic movement everywhere. The closed-eye display is a bit more muted than it was at the peak, but it is still immediately present when I close my eyes, and it feels strong and hypnotic enough that I wish I could explore it. I am also experiencing bouts of nystagmus, which I generally associate with entactogens/empathogens, and which I find quite pleasurable. I seem to be experiencing nystagmus more often as time goes on, even though the overall strength of the experience seems to be falling off the peak. My eyes feel a bit tired. I find myself really wondering what would happen on this drug if I laid down and closed my eyes, with and without music. I have a hunch that it might be very rewarding and absorbing. Probably next time, I will take it in that setting, instead of on a hike.
6:17pm (T+3:02) - I am definitely still feeling it, but am a good part of the way down, perhaps roughly 50 to 60% down. The last time, at 60mg, I was basically 100% down by 3 hours, but given this is over double the dose, it makes sense I would not be down yet, since it will take an extra half life to clear my system. The visual aspects have disappeared. I definitely am still tripping though. We have just gotten back to the car. I feel as if I could drive if I needed to, but I let my girlfriend do it to be responsible. I hadn't mentoned taking 2C-N to her this time, mostly so I could test the contact high thing again, but I think she probably guessed. In the car, I have a feeling like I am sitting still while the world is moving around me. In a sense this is true, since I'm sitting still in a car. But usually when I'm in a moving car, I feel the sense of velocity and feel as if I am moving fast across a still world. The difference is subtle, but interesting. My girlfriend and I are pretty quiet. She doesn't seem to want to talk and is clearly deep in thought. She is having a tendency to look away quickly when I meet her gaze. I am trying to smile at her and make light topics of conversation, so as to let her know that even though I said some things, that doesn't mean I always feel that way, or that I don't like her. I feel somewhat conflicted... I feel nervous that I put some stuff out there, and can't unsay it. And I feel like some of my burden has lifted, because I said stuff I have been burning to say, and I said it in a purposeful way, in the best way I could think of, instead of recklessly in an explosion of anger, which is what would have eventually happened.
7:00pm (T+3:45) - I still have some traces of 2C-N lingering in my mind and body, but I am mostly down. I feel it in my eyes, I am still getting twinges of nystagmus, and my eyes feel tired after hours of taking in the world with extra saturation. I also still have a lingering warm glow in my body. I feel quite pleasant, and a bit tired.
10:30pm (T+6:50) - I am about go to bed. The end of all of the effects was probably about T+4:30, though it is hard to say exactly since the difference between subtle end stage plateau effects and the afterglow is kind of difficult to define. I do feel an afterglow of contentment and relaxation and I don't feel as if I did a drug today at all, there is not a trace of a drug feeling or post-drug feeling to speak of. I feel tired and I do not anticipate any problems sleeping.
Conclusions
I did indeed have no problem sleeping, which is notable because the other 2C-Xs, and in fact most psychedelics in general, interfere with my ability to fall asleep even well after the acute effects end. In fact, 2C-N really does seem to be uncommonly at home in the body, it almost entirely lacks any bodyload whatsoever. Comparing with other 2C-Xs, a few, namely 2C-C and 2C-D, are often described as having little to no bodyload. And it is true that those ones are very gentle on the body and feel pretty comfortable and at-home inside my mind/body system. But 2C-N is far and away the most at-home and natural feeling 2C-X that I have tried. I can compare it to allylescaline in its total lack of bodyload and benign feeling, but it might even be more benign than that one. The other 2C-Xs certainly have a stronger body high and a stronger physical euphoria potential, but they also feel like you're on a drug and can be difficult physically, as well; 2C-N is far more at-home in the body than they are. This confuses me, since all of the reports in PIHKAL and the two reports on Erowid all agree that there are some worrisome bodyload issues (EDIT: it has come to my attention since I wrote this that I was remembering this wrong. Morningloryseed's report is the only one reporting bodyload and in his case it was a gastric issue that coincided with catharsis. The PIHKAL reports do not mention bodyload, after all). I don't know whether it's due to my own individual metabolic factors (I tend to get much less bodyload across the board with psychedelics, compared to most people), or if perhaps the nitrate salt is easier to tolerate than the HCL salt. I wish I had enough to send some in for lab testing, just to be sure. Perhaps I will, but it will interfere with my 2 remaining experiments, and I got this from the chemist so I have a tendency to believe it is what it is clamed to be. The dosage and duration fit perfectly, as does the color of the chemical, and I can't think of any other related chemical that could possibly be this bright, rich yellow color, and is unique and very clean feeling. I just wonder at the total lack of bodyload or gastric issues, when they seem consistent from all (though very, very few) reports (EDIT: again, for clarity, there is actually not a persistent bodyload issue in the small body of existing reports). I'm not complaining though! It is a quality of this drug that I very much enjoy and appreciate.
I am, again, grateful for my experience I had on that day, though it took me longer to digest this time and I write this from the perspective of it happening a week ago. 2C-N has proven its worth to me twice now as a potentially very valuable and efficacious tool for therapy. It seems to consistently (for 2 out of 2 experiences, for me, anyway) confront me with difficult thoughts, while allowing me to communicate them to myself and others from a place that feels safe and loving. In this instance, it seemed to give me bravery to be able to say things I was afraid to say, that I have needed to say for months. The last time, my girlfriend seemed to catch a contact high from me to the point that she was the one to suggest that she was feeling the same trip I was through me. But this time I didn't get any sense that such a thing happened. My girlfriend did participate in our conversation, but it was very difficult for her and did not seem cathartic or relieving for her, at least from my perspective. In fact, for a couple of days afterwards, she was very quiet and avoided me, and spent a lot of time crying. I gave her some space and then when she stopped avoiding me, I made an effort to spend time with her and show her that I care about and value her. And now, around a week later, I look back and see that things have been different for me than usual. I feel far less annoyed by her, and closer to her again. She has been making a big effort to complain about things less and not lean on me so hard for support except when she really needs it. So once again, 2C-N seems to have helped facilitate some peace between us. This time, it feels more lasting though. I realize how much I needed to really tell her how I feel and how I have been feeling for a while. It feels like I was able to get a weight off my chest and I feel more at ease. I don't know that she feels much better, truly, but she is intending to do some work on that. I hope she does, but it's nice in the meantime to be able to be silly and affectionate with her again. I had almost entirely lost the ability to be that way with her for a while. I confronted my pain head on and instead of pushing it down, I expressed it to the person who is the cause, and I am left better off for it.
As for the other psychedelic effects of 2C-N at this dosage, they were much more developed and pronounced than they were with my 60mg dose. At that dose it was very mild and functioned much more as an empathogen of sorts, than as a psychedelic. There were no visuals at all. But at 130mg, there were distinct and unique visuals, and the body high became markedly psychedelic. It felt really good, with waves of pleasure and some pleasant nystagmus. I felt rather inebriated and wouldn't want to have had to drive, but I also felt very in touch with and comfortable in my body. Again, it reminded of mescaline in a number of ways, but this time it had a 2C-X character to it, as well, whereas at 60mg, it really didn't feel much at all like other members of its chemical family. Once again, there were no physical issues at all, in fact much less bodyload than any other 2C-X I've tried, even 2C-D. I would venture to say it has one of the greatest levels of physical comfort and least bodyload among all of the psychedelics I have tried (and that is most of them at this point).
I look forward to my next trial, which will be 65mg, via rectal administration. If it is like the other 2C-Xs, it will be double or even greater the strength of oral. There is a possibility that its oral bioavailability is particularly low, and may be much higher rectally, though I have no particular reason to believe this to be true, I only say it because of its unusually low oral potency for a 2C-X, lower by far than any of the others I have tried, even 2C-D. But even if it is wildly more potent rectal vs oral, I am not afraid of it, it feels quite safe physically and gentle in nature. I would start more cautiously with alternate ROAs, except that I have so little. My hope with my next trial, besides getting to know its nature better, is to establish its effectiveness via parenteral routes of administration. Assuming it is around twice as potent, the effects should be about like they were in this trial, and my fourth and final trial will be with 95mg rectally, which should take it up to the next level. I'm excited to find out what waits there!
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_2cn
substancecode_phenethylamines
explevel_secondtime
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
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You're absolutely right.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
