Weed shop has been closed for 3 weeks now, but after asking my best hard drug connection for some help (which they have done a few times over the years) I was told on Saturday (by the guy who has been running and holding the number for the last X months) that he shots street deals of weed standard and while still expensive the weed is excellent, giving me an 8th of Stardawg for 30 nuggets yesterday. With an OP booked for this morning, the first time I have seen my long term prescriber since the public health issue improved, I had items waiting for afterwards, as while I don't usually bullshit my drug care providers, them being about the only people I can rationalise with. As well as my dad, who is super progressive regarding drugs because of my experience.
He still has to suffer the fact that I am the worst kind of ) disappointment a family can produce (that is non violent or apurveyor of malum en se criminality),a total fucking narcissistic arrogant smart arse with a Dunning - Kruger complex that untill now my inability to focus on anything constructive, especially since being out of work has helped stayed hidden. Never the less, he now completely understands that drug use is bad for health, not criminal behaviour and the travesty of justice that punishes people for nothing more than the sake of it, he now has no issue with my weekend weed use (he had a few tokes on a pure joint at Christmas as, recognising the small amount and novel usage would cause him no more harm than the passive fag smoke my mother exposes him to 16 + hours a day and his self awareness with respect to the fact he is a good man with the moral right to relax for a few hours).
Anyway, I told the Nurse Prescriber, lets call her The Scribe as it sounds good, everything aside from the fact that, having demonstrated the relative reduction in regular usage by giving heroin free samples for months now, I had some items waiting that I brought with the weed (she knew I had been smoking that but is unconcerned). Although I have had to attend regularly to pick Rx's up (they stopped the e-transfer of scripts to force people - not me - to come into the clinic) I have had no service for 2 years but I was given a key worker today for the first time since 2020 - a no bullshit scouser who was straight up like, "ok smart arse, I don't care what you used to do for a living or what you think you know about anything. The fact that you are not using heroin most weeks any more is as pathetic as it sounds, you are a middle aged joke of a person who needs to not just stop taking drugs but get off that methadone as well." I am being a touch hyperbolic with the paraphrasing as he was of course lovely, professional and comfortable to talk to. Unlike many of the professionals though who understand my rationale for use (I love getting high, its as simple as that I tell them) as being the only positive left in my life, this mother fucker looks like a drinker (many people well settled into recovery are of course common hires in these services) and therefore has not got the patience for bullshit. I either start showing a practical interest in my recovery over the next couple of months or I need to give up and get lost altogether. As long as he has some empathy that while I am a dick I am not crazy. I will also try and impress upon him that I do not tell lies when we next meet, as I lied to both him and The Scribe about how much I was looking forward to getting out of the appt. and having a pipe.
I got a couple of stones which were nice as I was knackered by the time I got to the clinic at 11, having been up since 2 am (I'd had an early night yesterday after a film with my first zoot in yonks, sleeping 6 or so hours?). The gear was, I have to be honest, really nice, dark and chunky and after smoking the first bag, I had a crank followed by a second plate which had me nod out og style and while wrapped in the arms of Morpheus, decide to contribute to the UK's classiest consumer database on the clearnet.
I also thought about how cool it would be to write a story, a novel or a film or something like, of people just fighting the police. I am not anti - police by matter or course, as a moderately educated white offender who has never jerked them around or committed an actual crime (I have had 3 cautions since I was 18 years old, 3 in 25 years all well spread out, for the possession of cannabis, cocaine and heroin) I have always been treated fairly and with humanity while in custody. As I was nodding out listening to the miners scrap at the start of the audiobook of Irvine Welsh's Skagboys (I read it when it came out and gave my copy to Scotch, forgetting a lot of it) I thought about all of the horrible things I constantly read about and see in modern policing, especially the militarisation of the police in the US (I have a number of non fiction books about how vile American law enforcement is and how alien the basic Peelian principles of policing by consent are to these fascist pieces of shit, using the war on drugs to abuse, steal from and murder the members of the community they are assigned to protect and serve). I know we have some pieces of shit cops in the UK but we have at least a little independence in the Judiciary, but those communities in the US are corrupt from the Dep. Sherrif level through the DA's to the Judges. So, as I was high at the time I thought it would be great to create a fantasy to fight the police, especially as I am too much of a pussy to do it in real life.
So I need some characters, dealing with a US PD or SD (or it could be the Met they're fucking atrocious) and a reason for them to hate and fight them. It seemed funny at the time, I was catching a nod, thinking how cool it would be to batter a bunch of cops. Cops who had been going round excessive forcing jaywalkers into court for resisting and threatening an officers life "he had a lighter in his pocket and when I first kicked him in the side of his head, he said to me 'you should be fired', so I broke his jaw to prevent the offender for immolating my partner and I" or some shit like that.
Anyhoo, heroin 7/10
fin
