Relapse Fucked up and feeling hopeless

[Half_Full001]

Bluelight friends and Family I really need some support!!! I have spent the last 45 days in detox and residential treatment centers for a heroin addiction and I truly do not want to use. However right now i am struggling bad!! I have been home for 4 or 5 days now and have been fucking up since!! I'm supposed to go into sober living but now I can't pass a drug test!! I live in a neighborhood that is not ideal for sobriety so my husband and I agreed for me to be in sober living for the next 12 months. I am perfectly happy doing so!!! I am so upset with myself for throwing away these last 45 days of my life. I tried so hard to not get high today but I ended up having some WD and used!!! Now I am feeling on the hopeless side. Do I go back into detox or just go buy some subs from a friend or just throw the towel in. If anyone out there can relate it would mean a lot if you would take the time and let me know your story. Thanks

 

[Zonxx]

i can't relate to attempting to maintain sobriety, because i use opiates mostly for chronic pain, but being on such a high-dose maintenance.. and trying to cut down has been HELL, so i think you're best off trying not to use, because the road to not using is just that much harder, if you were able to make it 45 days and had a slip up, thats fine hey, we're all human, move on from it, you're allowed to slip up. i dunno about subs, never used them, but maybe you need to be on maintnance therapy, which might be more suited for you, like methadone, you wouldn't really have it on your mind through the day at the very least but methadone is a beast of its own. i wish you luck, but also implore you not to beat yourself up over a slip, i used to get angry with myself for taking a dose earlier than i needed, but i came to the realization, if you really feel you need it, then you needed it so you took it, if you don't need it again, then hey, you know what to do. maintaining absolute sobriety is... probably unlikely unless youre extremely gung-ho to do it.

 

[KS78]

Maybe you can try not getting the Buprenorphine as well and just try one more time to get opiate free.
I know that it's very expensive but if you really want to stay opiate free and keep on having problems, I would advise you to get Naltraxone implant (I think that it's called Vivitrol in the U.S.).

 

[jb99]

It's always today... Only way to stop is to not use the next one.

I really have no idea what mechanism allows us to break the cycle and stop sometimes, though. I felt nearly helpless to stay away from drinking and drugs on my last relapse. Over and over I went to inpatient. I just kept trying. But then for some reason I was able to stop "on my own," in an environment surrounded by people drinking and using. It's mysterious.

Only advice I can give is next time you are able to break the cycle and stop, hold on for dear life, and fill your time with healthy habits. I'm doing my best to follow this. I've tried groups and meetings, didn't keep me sober, but for some it helps. I do avoid being around people who are drinking or using though, as much as I can. Antidepressants help me too. No cigarettes and a healthy diet. I haven't been exercising like I should, but I do walk a few miles per day.

There is no magic cure, just don't pick up and live a healthy life. Don't screw yourself over.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It's always today... Only way to stop is to not use the next one.

I really have no idea what mechanism allows us to break the cycle and stop sometimes, though. I felt nearly helpless to stay away from drinking and drugs on my last relapse. Over and over I went to inpatient. I just kept trying. But then for some reason I was able to stop "on my own," in an environment surrounded by people drinking and using. It's mysterious.

Only advice I can give is next time you are able to break the cycle and stop, hold on for dear life, and fill your time with healthy habits. I'm doing my best to follow this. I've tried groups and meetings, didn't keep me sober, but for some it helps. I do avoid being around people who are drinking or using though, as much as I can. Antidepressants help me too. No cigarettes and a healthy diet. I haven't been exercising like I should, but I do walk a few miles per day.

There is no magic cure, just don't pick up and live a healthy life. Don't screw yourself over.

This is so true.
OP im in a toxic environment too, so like they said, we gotta hold on to dear life, if you have a husband go to him when you feel most weak...