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Advice I just don’t understand women sometimes. I love them but I don’t understand them.

That's a very negative and harmful stereotype of people with BDP. This is why there's still a stigma around mental health and people are scared to get help or be open about it.

BPD is NOT the same as something like NPD or ASPD where the person is objectively toxic and harmful.

[Just to be clear with the acronyms because I've had people think BPD was Bipolar Disorder and also people think ASPD was Aspergers....BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder, ASPD = Anti-Social Personality DIsorder]
It's a very negative stereotype?
I don't know, it's my experience with several BPD partners who I shared my life for years....

so no, it's not a prejudice nor a stereotype, it's my particular experience. BPDs can be super harmful and very often have psychotic episodes and their crisis are so self-centered that seem very NPD-like.
BPD = borderline I mean.

In fact it wasn't as "negative" as you may think it was, it was trying to describe how their VOID is, because their basic Core Wound is like they feel void, alone, abandoned, with no self-esteem etc. That void cannot be fulfilled with outer compliments, gifts, sacrifice, etc. Love can help, but you cannot help anyone that cannot soothe/help themselves, not at the core.
Do you have a BPD diagnose? I see that people with BPD tend to take criticism of BPD in general like a personal issue.
 
It's a very negative stereotype?
I don't know, it's my experience with several BPD partners who I shared my life for years....

so no, it's not a prejudice nor a stereotype, it's my particular experience. BPDs can be super harmful and very often have psychotic episodes and their crisis are so self-centered that seem very NPD-like.
BPD borderline I mean.
I don’t doubt your experience at all. Not at all. What I am talking about tho is that the people with BPD that are aware of their issues and are willing and trying to work on them. These people can still make good partners but yes the ones that are arrogant and refuse to see their issues and role in relationships can be very much like you described.
 
I don’t doubt your experience at all. Not at all. What I am talking about tho is that the people with BPD that are aware of their issues and are willing and trying to work on them. These people can still make good partners but yes the ones that are arrogant and refuse to see their issues and role in relationships can be very much like you described.
Although I will say that it does take extra patience and understanding to help make it work. So if you’re not up for the ups and downs of being with them on this journey and there’s nothing wrong with not being up for it that’s a personal choice then I’d steer clear.

For example my girl will never apologize for her role in things even if she’s obviously in the wrong and that has made me question our relationship on more than one occasion. I am almost always the one to blame for any situation that arises in our relationship. Not to say I’m always innocent but I’m not always the offender either. I honestly think she has some form of undiagnosed BPD or NPD.

But she does try to work on herself and I have seen her apologize maybe once or twice in recent times but that’s like the entire amount in the ten years we have been together.
 
I don’t doubt your experience at all. Not at all. What I am talking about tho is that the people with BPD that are aware of their issues and are willing and trying to work on them. These people can still make good partners but yes the ones that are arrogant and refuse to see their issues and role in relationships can be very much like you described.
Yeah, I just edited my message, to make it more specific.
There's also levels of BPD because the ones that have really strong reactions, crisis and splits including DID episodes (dissociation for hours/days), those are actually very dangerous for the mental health of whoever who is close to them, long term.
 
I am almost always the one to blame for any situation that arises in our relationship. Not to say I’m always innocent but I’m not always the offender either. I honestly think she has some form of undiagnosed BPD or NPD.
that's not sustainable, I think.
At least not for me, because I don't want to grow with the victim mentality, neither the "I carry the blame/responsability" mentality. I don't want to be "forgiving" anyone for being unfair because "they have a problem".
I have a chronic disease and also ADHD (which is a chronic issue too) and it's just too much for me
 
Yeah, I just edited my message, to make it more specific.
There's also levels of BPD because the ones that have really strong reactions, crisis and splits including DID episodes (dissociation for hours/days), those are actually very dangerous for the mental health of whoever who is close to them, long term.
Yeah it can be very emotionally draining and you really have to be very very strong mental health wise to be able to be in that kind of relationship and of course if the person with BPD is trying to work on themselves. Otherwise it’s a waste of time.

You basically have to be a therapist almost. Have to have that kind of mental strength to deal with that.
 
that's not sustainable, I think.
At least not for me, because I don't want to grow with the victim mentality, neither the "I carry the blame/responsability" mentality. I don't want to be "forgiving" anyone for being unfair because "they have a problem".
I have a chronic disease and also ADHD (which is a chronic issue too) and it's just too much for me
Depends. I have a shitload of psychiatric symptoms, most that stem from losing my hand, in such a distressing way, as a teenager. My wife had BPD, bit all it took was being considerate and supportive and I found the love of my life.
Pretty much as fucked up as it's possible to go through, as a teenage boy...
 
It's a very negative stereotype?
I don't know, it's my experience with several BPD partners who I shared my life for years....

so no, it's not a prejudice nor a stereotype, it's my particular experience. BPDs can be super harmful and very often have psychotic episodes and their crisis are so self-centered that seem very NPD-like.
BPD = borderline I mean.

In fact it wasn't as "negative" as you may think it was, it was trying to describe how their VOID is, because their basic Core Wound is like they feel void, alone, abandoned, with no self-esteem etc. That void cannot be fulfilled with outer compliments, gifts, sacrifice, etc. Love can help, but you cannot help anyone that cannot soothe/help themselves, not at the core.
Do you have a BPD diagnose? I see that people with BPD tend to take criticism of BPD in general like a personal issue.

That's not borderline. Borderline very rarely experience psychosis. Only when VERYT stressed and even then it's mild and very brief. You seen to know very little about Borderline and seem to be ASSUMING. I mean, it's highly unlikely "several" of your partners have had it. I mean....who is the common denominator in this situation? If ALLLLLLL of your partners are "BPD NPD very often psychotic"....definitely sounds like you have the issues.

^I take some of that back reading your last paragraph as that is actually very accurate and far less negative than I was thinking and actually kinda caring and empathetic...so sorry.
Ironically, I'm having a not psychosis but due to...something...a VERY hard time mentally the last week or so,
So sorry for overreacting.
I guess I am being defensive and a bit of an asshole. I'm sorry.
Hope I didn't hurt your feeling or anything; I'd never wanna make anyone feel bad, but if you've read my previous message about how we get treat by medical professionals....then times that by 10 for just people in general when they know your diagnosis....can you see where I was coming from?

I was offended by the wording of us being an emotional void as I took it to mean we just suck all the emotion out of people in an awful, self-obsessed way and leave them empty and sad themselves like we ruin people because tbh my dad used to be the most happy go lucky person but due to my BPD related issued like severe bulimia (subsequent life-threatening weight loss),l alcoholism, opioid dependency, just seeing the exxtent of the pain I'm in and now he's such a negative perrson, always thinking the worst and I love him so much but I literally broke him and I cCAN'T STAND IT that I did that Like I'm fucking evil and oh great now I'm crying and no 100% nothing you have said or done, it's all my and sorry I never should have sent that message and definitely not his one and especiallu my first paragraph but I can't stop myself fr0om venting

And FUCK YES with the VOID. I have this insane emptiness like when I was 14 I insisted on a full-body MRI because I HAD AN ORGAN OR ORGAND MISSING I DID I DIF so my doctor arranged one, but of course all my organs and stuff WERE there and normal and HOW because the emptiness and loneliness is SO STRONG is feels very physically in my chest/abdomin that it is HOLLOW it's such a physical feeling too and theres even a borderline website called anythingtostopthepain and it's SO ACCURATE in that name that you just like are SO HORRIBLE EMPTY AND ALONE AND DESPERATE there's nothing you won't do to just make it stop and go away, even just for a little while and my psych very accurately told me "people with BPD are the emotional equivalent of burn victims: they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement" and YES.

I'm sure it's obvious from the above but yes I have a BPD diagnosis...like I'm 96% boderline...my psych says most sevre case he's ever seen.


I've lost what I was trying to reply to or explain or say to you apart from I'm sorry...if I should be? I feel like I am but now mostly just crying (not you're fault. never think that) about how I fucking BROKE MY DAD I BR)OKE HIM

Now I'm crying a lot but also feel extremely high or hypomanic or like I'm on amphets but I havcen't taken anything
Damn it I'm kinda proving your point?
I';m probably worse than any of your partners
My brother has this ex that I was EXTREMELY close with (platonically, although this one time me and her and my brother/.....never mind) and she was borderline too and I loved her bit she was crazzzyyyy and one time I even said to him "she's worse than me!" and he was like "you're way worse than her"
I felt bad for him having his brother and girlfriend both so fucked up
They eventually broke up...I miss her,. but obviously he's my brother so I was completely on his side

Sorry I'm losing track of what I'm saying
 
hat's not borderline. Borderline very rarely experience psychosis. Only when VERYT stressed and even then it's mild and very brief. You seen to know very little about Borderline and seem to be ASSUMING. I mean, it's highly unlikely "several" of your partners have had it. I mean....who is the common denominator in this situation? If ALLLLLLL of your partners are "BPD NPD very often psychotic"....definitely sounds like you have the issues.
Not true, severe cases of BPD have more or less often (like, several times a year) episodes which are dissociative. Dissociation by itself could be called psychosis in terms of not seeing the reality as it is, not contacting with the reality.
In fact the very term BORDERLINE was built on the idea that those people were on a thin line between psychosis and neurosis, so they were not entirely psychotic in personality but during the severe episodes they have total disconnection with reality even if they don't go dissociative because they cannot see that their fears and false interpretations are just not true.
If you see the most basic DSM5:
"Transient dissociative symptoms or psychotic-like features (e.g. brief hallucinations, paranoia) in situations of high effective arousal"

you may call that "only when" but when you live with some of them for years it doesn't really matter because most people who have psychotic features don't are 100% 24/7 psychotic, but only during specific situations.. So what's the point? they can be and are psychotic during episodes if their BPD is severe enough.
Saying that I have the issues is well, I prefer not to say what I think of that comment.
Look, my mother has BPD features, "high functioning BPD) so I grew up normalizing abuse, so I became what's commonly called a "co-dependent" empath, what brings me close to those who tend to abuse others, consciously or unconsciously, you should not judge what you don't know cause you can commit big mistakes.
It's a common feature of BPDs to abuse others as a defense mechanism. But for those abused it's not super important if they do it on purpose or not, we are also victims of their wreck.

I guess I am being defensive and a bit of an asshole. I'm sorry.
Hope I didn't hurt your feeling or anything; I'd never wanna make anyone feel bad, but if you've read my previous message about how we get treat by medical professionals....then times that by 10 for just people in general when they know your diagnosis....can you see where I was coming from?

I was offended by the wording of us being an emotional void as I took it to mean we just suck all the emotion out of people in an awful, self-obsessed way and leave them empty and sad themselves like we ruin people because tbh my dad used to be the most happy go lucky person but due to my BPD related issued like severe bulimia (subsequent life-threatening weight loss),l alcoholism, opioid dependency, just seeing the exxtent of the pain I'm in and now he's such a negative perrson, always thinking the worst and I love him so much but I literally broke him and I cCAN'T STAND IT that I did that Like I'm fucking evil and oh great now I'm crying and no 100% nothing you have said or done, it's all my and sorry I never should have sent that message and definitely not his one and especiallu my first paragraph but I can't stop myself fr0om venting
Ok, I won't take personally, I guess you're in trouble so I won't judge your ourtburst, I can swear that I know quite a lot about BPD and people with BPD, in fact I know enough, because I grew tired of living with them, I'm not saying that you don't deserve someone caring and empathetic who could help you, care you and love you (and be loved and cared by you as an exchange) but, personally talking, I'm just so tired of relationships with BPDs to the point that I would run if I met another.
It's actually not something personal against you, but more like a boundary I need to apply for my health and self-steem to recover. Sometimes I feel like a shell of what I was in the past, drained and muffled.
You're not "fucking evil", but you (BPDs) can be very unconscious when you are in rage spell.

"people with BPD are the emotional equivalent of burn victims: they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement" and YES
so the fact that that happens, if you are a son of one of those people, is that you build a super strong barrier for yourself, so in a way you desensitize against your own suffering, because
1-you don't want to be like that as a children, as you perceive it as dangerous.
2-you become separate from your own feelings due to that self-imposed barrier, you just don't give them enough credit, cause you've learn not to take things so seriously.
So you basically invert the BPD mechanism, to be able to be raised by one of those, got me? it's a bad thing, trust me.
I'm a bit busy so I couldn't reply to the rest of your message, excuse me. Hope you're pain will decrease and heal with time.
 
Not true, severe cases of BPD have more or less often (like, several times a year) episodes which are dissociative. Dissociation by itself could be called psychosis in terms of not seeing the reality as it is, not contacting with the reality.
In fact the very term BORDERLINE was built on the idea that those people were on a thin line between psychosis and neurosis, so they were not entirely psychotic in personality but during the severe episodes they have total disconnection with reality even if they don't go dissociative because they cannot see that their fears and false interpretations are just not true.
If you see the most basic DSM5:
"Transient dissociative symptoms or psychotic-like features (e.g. brief hallucinations, paranoia) in situations of high effective arousal"

you may call that "only when" but when you live with some of them for years it doesn't really matter because most people who have psychotic features don't are 100% 24/7 psychotic, but only during specific situations.. So what's the point? they can be and are psychotic during episodes if their BPD is severe enough.
Saying that I have the issues is well, I prefer not to say what I think of that comment.
Look, my mother has BPD features, "high functioning BPD) so I grew up normalizing abuse, so I became what's commonly called a "co-dependent" empath, what brings me close to those who tend to abuse others, consciously or unconsciously, you should not judge what you don't know cause you can commit big mistakes.
It's a common feature of BPDs to abuse others as a defense mechanism. But for those abused it's not super important if they do it on purpose or not, we are also victims of their wreck.


Ok, I won't take personally, I guess you're in trouble so I won't judge your ourtburst, I can swear that I know quite a lot about BPD and people with BPD, in fact I know enough, because I grew tired of living with them, I'm not saying that you don't deserve someone caring and empathetic who could help you, care you and love you (and be loved and cared by you as an exchange) but, personally talking, I'm just so tired of relationships with BPDs to the point that I would run if I met another.
It's actually not something personal against you, but more like a boundary I need to apply for my health and self-steem to recover. Sometimes I feel like a shell of what I was in the past, drained and muffled.
You're not "fucking evil", but you (BPDs) can be very unconscious when you are in rage spell.


so the fact that that happens, if you are a son of one of those people, is that you build a super strong barrier for yourself, so in a way you desensitize against your own suffering, because
1-you don't want to be like that as a children, as you perceive it as dangerous.
2-you become separate from your own feelings due to that self-imposed barrier, you just don't give them enough credit, cause you've learn not to take things so seriously.
So you basically invert the BPD mechanism, to be able to be raised by one of those, got me? it's a bad thing, trust me.
I'm a bit busy so I couldn't reply to the rest of your message, excuse me. Hope you're pain will decrease and heal with time.

I very rarely experience the rage part (VERY rarely) but I've known Borderlines who do and it can be really bad. (when I said I tested 96% borderline, the rage one was what stopped me being a 100% as it's the only symptom I don't really get.....not never but like...I get angry less than most neurotypical people).

Interesting perspective...on borderline parents
I can see that as my mum is borderline and my dad has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (which is something VERY VERY different to OCD btw)
 
I very rarely experience the rage part (VERY rarely) but I've known Borderlines who do and it can be really bad. (when I said I tested 96% borderline, the rage one was what stopped me being a 100% as it's the only symptom I don't really get.....not never but like...I get angry less than most neurotypical people).

Interesting perspective...on borderline parents
I can see that as my mum is borderline and my dad has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (which is something VERY VERY different to OCD btw)
In anycase, are you a girl or a male?
BPD males are very different than their female counterparts IMO.
 
In anycase, are you a girl or a male?
BPD males are very different than their female counterparts IMO.

Much more stable today btw! Yesterday was an unfortunate rarity for me and I don't know what caused it.
Um...not the easiest question to answer lol. As is very common with borderline and the no-sense-of-self that kind of also applies to not really having a stable idea of evens thing like gender or sexuality :/
I have a dick, if that answers your question lol.
 
There’s the personality/spiritual attraction which is so much more.
This is very underrated these days. People pay too much attention on the outside in our modern age of the cult of the body.

If I would have told her ten/ten she would have thought I was lying and been mad about that. I tell her the truth that I think she’s an 8/10 and I’m the bad guy. She went off on me screaming and shit, started crying, like WTF!
Get another woman. I don't know her but judging by your description she seems like one of these super-entitled, insecure "treat me with kid-gloves while I treat you like a serf" type of woman, on top with a heavy dose of a lack of self-awareness and a self-absorbed attitude.

She won’t listen to reason.
It's not surprising. Edward Bernays, the father of modern propaganda, said in one of his books that the reason why it is so easy to manipulate and brainwash women into accepting new trends and ideas is because they are driven by emotion and hysteria instead of reason and logic. Men too of course (otherwise propaganda wouldn't work on them), but to a much smaller extent.
I advise you to break up with her and for the future and for the sake of your sanity, to choose a woman that is a calm individual, thinks with her mind instead of her heart, has enough introspective capabilities to see her own mistakes and a small enough ego to admit those mistakes if they have been made. A cool-headed, calm woman who you can reason with.
I'm a woman myself btw and I can't stand the way modern women are raised these days (mostly by horrible role models on social media). They have exremely unrealistic expectations, are disrespectful, live in a bubble and are too demanding and unthankful. All this nonsensical bullshit talk about toxic masculinity. How about toxic femininity? Why does nobody talk about that?

P.S.: and stay the hell away from those chicks with these long, plastic fingernails. It's not necessarily because of the looks. It's more that a certain type of personality that gives you headaches gravitates toward that look. They are fake both from the outside as well as the inside.
Ok my rant is over now. Back to doing drugs. Over and out lol.
 
This is very underrated these days. People pay too much attention on the outside in our modern age of the cult of the body.


Get another woman. I don't know her but judging by your description she seems like one of these super-entitled, insecure "treat me with kid-gloves while I treat you like a serf" type of woman, on top with a heavy dose of a lack of self-awareness and a self-absorbed attitude.


It's not surprising. Edward Bernays, the father of modern propaganda, said in one of his books that the reason why it is so easy to manipulate and brainwash women into accepting new trends and ideas is because they are driven by emotion and hysteria instead of reason and logic. Men too of course (otherwise propaganda wouldn't work on them), but to a much smaller extent.
I advise you to break up with her and for the future and for the sake of your sanity, to choose a woman that is a calm individual, thinks with her mind instead of her heart, has enough introspective capabilities to see her own mistakes and a small enough ego to admit those mistakes if they have been made. A cool-headed, calm woman who you can reason with.
I'm a woman myself btw and I can't stand the way modern women are raised these days (mostly by horrible role models on social media). They have exremely unrealistic expectations, are disrespectful, live in a bubble and are too demanding and unthankful. All this nonsensical bullshit talk about toxic masculinity. How about toxic femininity? Why does nobody talk about that?

P.S.: and stay the hell away from those chicks with these long, plastic fingernails. It's not necessarily because of the looks. It's more that a certain type of personality that gives you headaches gravitates toward that look. They are fake both from the outside as well as the inside.
Ok my rant is over now. Back to doing drugs. Over and out lol.
Wow, it’s becoming like Reddit over here, where every time someone posts about something they want advice about concerning their significant other, the answers are always like “DITCH THEM” 😂
 
Much more stable today btw! Yesterday was an unfortunate rarity for me and I don't know what caused it.
Um...not the easiest question to answer lol. As is very common with borderline and the no-sense-of-self that kind of also applies to not really having a stable idea of evens thing like gender or sexuality :/
I have a dick, if that answers your question lol.
Not if the dick is in a jar containing biological preservation fluid (70% ethanol), as it prompts the question, "where's the rest of him?"
 
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