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Help! I'm a suicidal mess

My life quality is fucked up by in some sense minor dysfunctions which are constant and exactly in wrong places.
 
for @Painful One

DON'T JUST
CALL ME IF
I NEED YOU ...
CALL ME TOO
SOMETIMES.
WHEN YOU DO
NEED ME.
THE WAY I WOULD
WANT FOR YOU
TO BE.
Señor Moreno said:
What a torture pain is, man. I hope that CT helps and maybe you could find a treatment that works.
Big hug, Bourbon

Are you feeling a little better Painful?
I know you are suffering, nerve pain is worse than others in the way that it is electric, it feels exactly like someone is fucking torturing you, then stop, then again. It is no linear and it is very hard to fight, you can't make it dissapear by using enought pain killers, it simply doesn't work like that.
I fear gabaergics, buck the fuckers seem to be one of the most effective meds for that. So, if you already are on gabapentin, wouldn't you benefit more from pregabalin, perhaps?
I hate it, I really do, but it helps.
I also had and have nerve pain in my Breck awful, but recently I got an artery messing with my trigeminal nerve. Total different level of pain, absolutely crazy and unbareable. Don't even want to talk about it, only want to say that while morphine didn't touch it, Lyrica helped, not in the accute phase, but it made a change for the better during next weeks.

I know it has been a long road for you and you are tired of it all. Pain doesn't mean only pain, it also means misery and loneliness.
But we have something inside, Painful. I can't give it a name but we have it, dear friend.
It will help you, like it has done before, I am sure.
And, most important, we also have love. There is people who really care about us, don't mind if it is family or marriage or legit deep friendship, we have that people.
If not for anything else, we should stand and survive for that people. They are allways for us, and the day that they might need us, we have to stay there for them.
You will make it out of this hole, Painful.
Send you all my love ❤❤❤
Click to expand...
 
I know . . . emotional pain hurts just as bad.
When you really can't see something, you
don't know that it's there.
 
Thank you guys.
The thing is, I do not even know how to explain to you what is happening in the medical community.
I have been stable on my prescriptions for over 15 years now. Yeah, I get flare up’s when the weather changes etc.. and I am having a bad one right now.
But...my doctor retired and gave me a referral, said they had sent all my medical records and talked to the ”new” doctor.
except, the new doctor never answers the phone. I cannot get a call back. I cannot get hold of my original doctor either.
They just do not answer or you get a recording and get hung up on or you leave a message and never get a call back.
I have been trying for weeks to get an appointment or even talk to a person but nothing.

You would not believe what is happening.
The list of doctors from the insurance company- no one answers, most numbers have been disconnected.

The combo of medications I am on- I have about 8 days of medication left and just not having that alone would kill me...
torture me to death.
It looks like a bullet is going to be all I can do.

Like, the whole medical system is just gone...
I am so fucked.
 
Painful One said:
Thank you guys.
The thing is, I do not even know how to explain to you what is happening in the medical community.
I have been stable on my prescriptions for over 15 years now. Yeah, I get flare up’s when the weather changes etc.. and I am having a bad one right now.
But...my doctor retired and gave me a referral, said they had sent all my medical records and talked to the ”new” doctor.
except, the new doctor never answers the phone. I cannot get a call back. I cannot get hold of my original doctor either.
They just do not answer or you get a recording and get hung up on or you leave a message and never get a call back.
I have been trying for weeks to get an appointment or even talk to a person but nothing.

You would not believe what is happening.
The list of doctors from the insurance company- no one answers, most numbers have been disconnected.

The combo of medications I am on- I have about 8 days of medication left and just not having that alone would kill me...
torture me to death.
It looks like a bullet is going to be all I can do.

Like, the whole medical system is just gone...
I am so fucked.
Click to expand...
But they have to help you somehow, you are a pain patient, can't you go to the hospital and get what you need?
If they have a carboard with the word emergency, then they have yo help you!
What is this if not an emergency? Maybe they can prescribe you some meds for a few days and refer you to another pain doctor?
 
Painful One said:
The combo of medications I am on- I have about 8 days of medication left and just not having that alone would kill me...
torture me to death.
It looks like a bullet is going to be all I can do.
Click to expand...
I am not sure what meds you are on currently but when i talked to my therapist this afternoon i told her no meds plz i have had friends situation(s) worsen and they either bug out or bug on someone else. she agreed as i held eye contact. i know what these med combinations can do. seen it. cool but not really
i know ya got stuff posted like me everywhere but to remember the meds you are on can ya give a list?
even if its through pm.
no pressure whatsoever
we gotta push back like never before imo our kinda thinkin is rampant (just want it to stop) and does not have to be there.
this shit is gettin deep
no; eating a bullet isnt the answer. if it were i woulda figured that out loooong ago. ;)
sow the good "seed" til it overtakes and dominates the "bad". wont happen overnight but wtf knows, right?
what do you personally at heart live for

on a side note i educated her (my therapist) on bromazolam :laughing: even pushed for them young folk to get it passed through fda cdc wtf ever. found it kinda entertaining
not sure she will get me
still gettin myself, at times....
peace
 
Señor Moreno said:
But they have to help you somehow, you are a pain patient, can't you go to the hospital and get what you need?
If they have a carboard with the word emergency, then they have yo help you!
What is this if not an emergency? Maybe they can prescribe you some meds for a few days and refer you to another pain doctor?
Click to expand...
Yeah, I was thinking I could go to the hospital if necessary.
I have my insurance company working on finding me a doctor and getting my medical records, they have medical records if nothing else.

This doctor just up and left! No warning. Just the last time I went, she said my Doctor, who got sick with the Covid vaccine is retiring and the lady Doctor who has been treating everyone is going back to her specialty of mid wife.
Office closed! Just left everyone!

I am a true chronic pain patient. I am injured. I have made it over 20 years with the same medications. I need them.

This is scary.
Sorry for needing support in the “I am suicidal” thread @6am-64-14m
Don’t worry about it!
I have supported all you guys for years.
Through heavy stuff!
This is heavy for me!
I won’t make it through morphine, clonazepam, gabapentin all at once cold turkey withdrawal on top of chronic pain.
Thanks for your concern.
 
Painful One
I hopes you can hang in there and get a decent new doc somehow.
A well documented 20 years of suffering and a trauma riddled body and messed up spine
Should warrant a caring and concerned physician anywhere you go. Not this hit and miss, hope you find a nonjudgemental doctor, type stuff
I ended up in the ER when I could not get my meds; they were good for a dose and a lecture. And drug seeker flagged on my rx history!
I'm thinking a methadone clinic may be my best bet long term
Tried working last week and after 2 days I am flared up such that I am sending CDs of my neck MRI to surgeons to see if they can offer me surgical relief.
Is a methadone clinic a decent idea to get opiate medication?
I would try that and will try that myself if my doctor retires.
 
Painful One said:
cold turkey withdrawal on top of chronic pain.
Thanks for your concern.
Click to expand...
i think we grow tolerance to pain as with rverything else.
hold on
Painful One said:
Sorry for needing support in the “I am suicidal” thread @6am-64-14m
Don’t worry about it!
I have supported all you guys for years.
Click to expand...
there are smany these days is is overwhlming andbi miss a lot so am not up to most everything.
cant blame em gotta expcted it years ago.
id ne happy to a link if i have missed it...
hey
hope and love, ok?
there will come a balance of sorts.
one
 
Syntax said:
that is very promising to hear i hope it works tomorrow as well make sure you let us know how it goes
Click to expand...
Yeah it didn't work, and actually my left ear became worse than it's ever been. The hissing horrible static was just un fucking bearable and lasted the entire day. It randomly went down a few hours ago briefly, and it's just been up down up down since. There's really no consistency. My right ear mostly was just ringing but the hissing in my left ear came back minutes ago... so yeah, this vitamin b1 shit was not at all responsible. Yesterday was just a lucky fluke. Why it even ended up going down at all this evening I have no idea. There's no pattern to this at all. Because my GP didn't check my ears at a physical a few weeks ago I'm seeing him on Friday to look in my ears just to see if there's anything off. I'm kind of prepared for him to say things are fine, and the CT to not find anything.
 
BourbonMac said:
Yeah it didn't work, and actually my left ear became worse than it's ever been. The hissing horrible static was just un fucking bearable and lasted the entire day. It randomly went down a few hours ago briefly, and it's just been up down up down since. There's really no consistency. My right ear mostly was just ringing but the hissing in my left ear came back minutes ago... so yeah, this vitamin b1 shit was not at all responsible. Yesterday was just a lucky fluke. Why it even ended up going down at all this evening I have no idea. There's no pattern to this at all. Because my GP didn't check my ears at a physical a few weeks ago I'm seeing him on Friday to look in my ears just to see if there's anything off. I'm kind of prepared for him to say things are fine, and the CT to not find anything.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear this @BourbonMac
Is it always this bad or has it become unbearable in the last few weeks?
There is a bad pressure in the air right now.
I am sensitive to it and it really hurts my chronic pain.
I could see how some people could pick up on it through tinnitus.

Try some Frankincense essential oil with peppermint oil mixed.
This combination soothes it some for me.
It would be interesting to see if it may help you and I pray it does, my brother.

I am so sorry that we both are going through conditions that have and do drive people to suicide.
I hope we can comfort one another during this time.
Know that you are not alone.
I send my love.
Deep breaths.
Hugs.
 
6am-64-14m said:
i think we grow tolerance to pain as with rverything else.
hold on

there are smany these days is is overwhlming andbi miss a lot so am not up to most everything.
cant blame em gotta expcted it years ago.
id ne happy to a link if i have missed it...
hey
hope and love, ok?
there will come a balance of sorts.
one
Click to expand...
You just have no understanding.
 
Señor Moreno said:
Have you thought about Lyrica instead of gabapentin, Painful?
Click to expand...
The gabapentin works for me. I have a sleep disorder that is being controlled with it as well as the electrical shock nerve pain.
I cannot even find a doctor who will take me yet. After 15 years of chronic injury and pain which we have tried everything on and I mean everything.

The medication plan I have been on for the last 15 years has worked to give me some quality of life.
I can sit, stand, walk for short periods of time .I can sleep and eat.
It has given me some quality of life.

Through much trial and error. Much.

It has just become ridiculously impossible to find a doctor.
I cannot believe what they put the seriously injured, chronic pain, even the elderly who are dying of cancer and other horrors are going through this broken medical system,.
It is shameful!
 
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