Prettyflyforatransguy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2020
- Messages
- 36
So, about 6 months ago, I was homeless, living out of my car, no job, about to get a probation violation if i didnt find somewhere to live plus you can forget about passing a drug test. I also could not even attempt to wear short sleeves, even with a shit ton of concealer most times due to the amount of track marks i had.
I eventually ended up getting so tired of that life that I admitted myself into a state funded rehab in my area and was determined to get clean, get a job, and have a home.
That was successful, I completed rehab, went from there to sober living, got a job, and then got another car because my last one got stolen while i was in rehab. I was going to meetings multiple times, calling my sponsor, doing service work, and everything was going great. I ended up moving outta sober living because it was actually rather expensive compared to an offer a close, older lady friend of mine offered me for rent on my own room vs the halfway house sharing with 2 other guys.
This didn't affect my recovery at all for awhile. However, then I found myself in a slump, i guess. Not even like too hard of a time emotionally, but more of boredom and complacency got the best of me.
So wrapping this up a bit because I dont want to make this too long and painful to read. Anyway, i ended up going to get my DOC meth for the first time in 5 months which was my longest time sober in about 2 years. I refused to go back to the needle again so i smoked it. I was very disappointed because i forgot that i hate smoking it bc it makes me tear my mouth up, and generally feel like shit. I still never got back with the needle though. It wasn't my amount of using that has shook me up so quick or even my actions, but as soon as i started fucking with the shit again the universe decided to shake my whole world and give me a warning that im headed back to square one in the condition I was in 6-7 months ago before rehab.
Here's what the warning was basically:
I was smoking a bowl my room after being gone most of the day running errands. I was listening to music so I didn't hear that my roommates PO had come inside. Well i wasn't in the act of hitting it but i had probably put it back in the sock about 15 seconds before the knock on my door. I didnt hear what was said at first but all i understood was PO and quickly put the sock between the bed and the wall and opened the door, his PO apparently wasnt aware that i was living there on probation as well. Mine knew and was fine with it but his was not so much. He proceeded to search my room since im on probation too. I thought for sure, fuck this is it. This is what I get. So i started texting my bondsman trying to go ahead and make a contact and then he comes out and says Im good.
I dont know how i got that lucky, but im thankful and also going to take the warning and get back into recovery, meetings, etc. The next morning, his PO called and said I had 2 days to move out. I did find a place, thankfully. But it's going to be a major financial strain. His PO is even possibly arresting him tomorrow just for being around me the previous months, even though I did as he ordered and moved out.
The entire situation was definitely enough to knock some fuckin sense back into me. I was getting way too comfortable and im paying the consequences of that, but i know it would get even worse if i continued this relapse and keep using.
I eventually ended up getting so tired of that life that I admitted myself into a state funded rehab in my area and was determined to get clean, get a job, and have a home.
That was successful, I completed rehab, went from there to sober living, got a job, and then got another car because my last one got stolen while i was in rehab. I was going to meetings multiple times, calling my sponsor, doing service work, and everything was going great. I ended up moving outta sober living because it was actually rather expensive compared to an offer a close, older lady friend of mine offered me for rent on my own room vs the halfway house sharing with 2 other guys.
This didn't affect my recovery at all for awhile. However, then I found myself in a slump, i guess. Not even like too hard of a time emotionally, but more of boredom and complacency got the best of me.
So wrapping this up a bit because I dont want to make this too long and painful to read. Anyway, i ended up going to get my DOC meth for the first time in 5 months which was my longest time sober in about 2 years. I refused to go back to the needle again so i smoked it. I was very disappointed because i forgot that i hate smoking it bc it makes me tear my mouth up, and generally feel like shit. I still never got back with the needle though. It wasn't my amount of using that has shook me up so quick or even my actions, but as soon as i started fucking with the shit again the universe decided to shake my whole world and give me a warning that im headed back to square one in the condition I was in 6-7 months ago before rehab.
Here's what the warning was basically:
I was smoking a bowl my room after being gone most of the day running errands. I was listening to music so I didn't hear that my roommates PO had come inside. Well i wasn't in the act of hitting it but i had probably put it back in the sock about 15 seconds before the knock on my door. I didnt hear what was said at first but all i understood was PO and quickly put the sock between the bed and the wall and opened the door, his PO apparently wasnt aware that i was living there on probation as well. Mine knew and was fine with it but his was not so much. He proceeded to search my room since im on probation too. I thought for sure, fuck this is it. This is what I get. So i started texting my bondsman trying to go ahead and make a contact and then he comes out and says Im good.
I dont know how i got that lucky, but im thankful and also going to take the warning and get back into recovery, meetings, etc. The next morning, his PO called and said I had 2 days to move out. I did find a place, thankfully. But it's going to be a major financial strain. His PO is even possibly arresting him tomorrow just for being around me the previous months, even though I did as he ordered and moved out.
The entire situation was definitely enough to knock some fuckin sense back into me. I was getting way too comfortable and im paying the consequences of that, but i know it would get even worse if i continued this relapse and keep using.
