Warning: Wall of death.
Good 'marrow Bluelighters,
Some background; Over the past few months I have fallen into an extremely dark place... A place I'm sure many of you are familiar with. The brink of depression... To not want to live in this world but steers away from suicide for the sole purpose of not wanting to hurt loved friends & family. I was not sure what to do with my life and just filled it with recreational use of 'legal highs'. Over my experiences, I have had one profound, mind-shattering experience of 'ego-death' way more powerful then ever experienced before. With this experience, I have found myself to completely lose need for any and all anti-depressive / anxiety medication. I was able to take complete control of my life, to set goals worth accomplishing and to set out in the physical world to do great things. I believe that in experiencing this 'ego-death' phenomenon in such a hard core manner that I have grown spiritually for the first time in my life. It feels as if my soul was maturing... it's extremely hard to explain with simply words.
After hours of getting myself situated in a head-space I can only explain as 'meditation while being consciously aware', I was able to think, "Now that I have encountered this phenomenon, can it be re-created with someone else and will it help them?" During this time I was put in a position to help my friend 'Cat'. Cat is in the dark place, with only 3 decisions in life. 1. To live on streets; 2. To move elsewhere in the world and wither away from known existence; 3. To move in with myself and focus on getting Cat's life situated. Cat chose to live with me for the moment being and agreed to partake in experimentation.
Experiments;
For these experiments, I sat Cat down and showed him 'WTBDWK: Down the Rabbit Hole'. After completely paying attention to everything in the video I layed Cat down in a comfortable place. Cat is then given 40mg of MXE (Insuff.), Approx 5-10+mg AM-2201 (Smoked. I apologize, my 0.001 scale has been misplaced. I used the very tip of a pen-cap). Cat then lies down in a comfortable position and is then given a playlist of soothing hip-hop instrumentals. Example of a song in the playlist is "Drinking Life" by Chicago instrumental artist Apollo Brown. Before playing the music I tell Cat only two things; 1. "These substances cannot kill you" and 2. "Think about your life". After falling into an 'MXE hole', Cat finally comes back to reality and takes multiple hours to contemplate his experience in his head. Cat then shares his experience with me.
Conclusion; Cat's experience mimics that of my own. Using words such as 'rebirth' and 'spiritual awaking', Cat explains that the experience was the most life-changing, profound experience that Cat has ever witnessed. Cat is in no way to be considered a rookie in hard core substances. Cat is also not a newbie to dissociation or MXE. Cat has experienced MXE holes ranging from 140 to 210mg insuff. Cat states that his experience with the combination and the amount was like no MXE hole he's ever been in. Both Cat and myself believe that an un-prepared user may come out of the experience with mental damage seeing the trip as traumatic instead of enlightening. Tread lightly friends... Know your body, know your mind, know your substance.
-Warning-: I do not want anyone to partake in these experiments. I am not responsible for the mental well-being, and / or physical well-being for anyone willing to conduct their own personal experiments. I do not know if mental / physical damage is being done. I have gone as far as 80mg MXE (insuff.) + 10-15+mg AM-2201 (powder, smoked) to push the human body to it's limits to experiment whether this combination will have any damage before wanting to share this information with anyone. I have noted that under 50mg MXE & a little AM-2201 Cat & I's heart rate has never elevated past 120. I feel safe under the 50mg range, however in my experience under the most extreme circumstances I noticed feelings of an anxiety-attack, heart constriction, and extreme fear / paranoia. Cat has noted that during those extreme circumstances my face was a little pale. It is unknown whether it was due to the substances or the frightening fear / paranoia induced that made my face seem pale. I was literally not capable of being able to physically control myself to come to terms of finding out my heart rate.
Why this combination?
MXE: I believes MXE gives the user a more controllable head-space then K. Not only that, but I believe MXE gives the user the proper amount of dissociation needed to be able to witness extreme ego-death but still attach one's self to the physical reality and TELL themselves that it is not real, the amount of substances will not kill you, and you will be fine.
AM-2201: It is no secret that Cannibinoids will amplify the feeling of dissociation 10x fold (Random number pulled out of my ass). Upon uncovering that AM-2201 is about 3x more potent then JWH-018, I have been conducting experiments with AM-2201 alone. Under high doses I was able to reach a point of psychedelic visuals and a skeletal connection to one's self without implication of any other substances. I figured that AM-2201 is powerful and psychedelic enough to induce the user into the desired hole and point of dissociation with the mixture of MXE.
Music: I believe that melodic, slow-paced instrumental music is crucial for this experience. I find it as a guidance through the experience.. allowing the user to get through the peak stages of the hole in a slow and controlled fashion. The music may be the difference between distinguishing the experience as an enlightening one instead of a traumatic one. You may not even remember you're listening to music during the experience. I use hip-hop instrumentals because Cat & I are hipsters... I would recommend using w/e genre of music you desire. Dubstep is not recommended for use of enlightenment.. with my trials it has changed the experiences from a spiritual one to a recreational one.
Words of Caution:
Before treading head-first in unknown space, first train yourself to know that you will be fine and are not dieing. Try to stay away from mirrors. Build yourself up to the desired hole slowly if you are in-experienced in this head-space. Try to stay away from mirrors... again (unbelievable nightmares have been encountered with staring at mirrors under high-doses under this mix).
Time travel:
I believe that through my trials I have in a sense experienced time travel in my own mental reality. During one of my trials I was laying down in bed while my friends were talking to one another casually. I saw a friend in the corner talk... very strangely then sit down in a chair, do a 180 spin in the chair and put on his jacket. I then noticed carefully that my friend's jacket leaped from the ground-up to his sleeve and that my friend was talking backwards as if someone hit rewind and the words were coming out as gibberish. Once I noticed that I was actually watching the actions unfold in front of me in reverse, time stopped as if my conscious pressed the pause button for a split second. Just the same way that I saw my friend put on his jacket, he took it off.. spoke completely normal, then spun 180 in the chair and stood up. This 5-10 second moment was replayed in the same sense 5 times. Time went forward, paused, went backwards, pause, back forward. It felt as if I was time traveling back and forth in my own reality not once but 5 consecutive times, not only this but the visuals and experience was as clear as day. Once I noticed that I was in a sense 'time traveling', I jumped up in the air and yelled "YES!" however time seemed stuck in a loop until I could hear myself say "YES" and "SEY" at the same time merging at the very end. It wasn't until I said "YES" that time merged together and continued forward normally... I have not been able to re-create this phenomenon. It was experienced at the very beginning of one of my trials, this is probably why I was able to see and remember everything so clearly.
Thank you for taking your time to read through my post. Trust me when I say it's a lot harder and time consuming to write it then read it. Trials are still being continued and will be shared in future posts. I have never learned or done research on meditation, shaman-ism, spiritualism, nor am I Buddhist or religious in any way. I am in no way considered insane in the social world. I did not see "WTBDWK: Down the Rabbit Hole" until AFTER witnessing my pro-found experience... however while viewing it I felt as if I already learned all the information given before some how. It was a very strange and unusual feeling. As if I learned it in my mind due to my experience then learned it in the physical world after watching it.
