Need Help Need to hear from those who successfully got off pain killers.

[Mistylee]

Need advice, tips, support from those who have recovered from prescription pain meds. I have tried unsuccessfully several times. I felt determined to do this yesterday. Ran out, didn't seek. Went to bed feeling confident. Now, at about 36 hours I am feeling the effects and my resolve is weakening. This stuff has really fucked up my life. I am in a cycle I have to get out of, but when I try I feel so physically sick and deeply, darkly disturbed emotionally that I end up going right back to the temporary fix.
It's complicated by the fact that I do have chronic pain that isn't even touched by otc stuff. But I can't regulate my use of prescriptions so I am just screwed.
I primarily want to hear from those who succeeded without rehab, although I suppose hearing from those who realized they needed it would be an answer I needed too. The way my life is set up I will pretty much lose everything if people around me find out I am an addict.
I need success stories. I need help just getting through the next hours honestly.

 

[Uknowit4now]

Need advice, tips, support from those who have recovered from prescription pain meds. I have tried unsuccessfully several times. I felt determined to do this yesterday. Ran out, didn't seek. Went to bed feeling confident. Now, at about 36 hours I am feeling the effects and my resolve is weakening. This stuff has really fucked up my life. I am in a cycle I have to get out of, but when I try I feel so physically sick and deeply, darkly disturbed emotionally that I end up going right back to the temporary fix.
It's complicated by the fact that I do have chronic pain that isn't even touched by otc stuff. But I can't regulate my use of prescriptions so I am just screwed.
I primarily want to hear from those who succeeded without rehab, although I suppose hearing from those who realized they needed it would be an answer I needed too. The way my life is set up I will pretty much lose everything if people around me find out I am an addict.
I need success stories. I need help just getting through the next hours honestly.

You can do it, you can!! If you want to you will. The pain isnt going to be easy. But it wil onmy be 7 days you will.start feeling ok.. eat well drink plently of fluids. Im not sure what you taking but its possible its 100% possible. I used to take 50 to 60 percs a day and then eat my methadone pills on top of that.. did that for "decades" so its possible.. male sure your mind is in a good place , if its not it will.make it even harder. Ypu have to be happy (course i know its hard when you sick af) but all negative stuff you habe to keep that oit of your mind you ha e tomput it away, dont be around anything thats going to make you sad or depressed keep far away from that! Because.your brain is going to get naturally depressed due to the endorphines you were feeding it are now gone. It has to build those babys back. And that is very chemical reaction in the brain. Do happy things do things you enjoy keep the mind occupied, dont take naps during the day if you ever want to sleep at night. Take warm baths or showers when you start feeling that gooseskin chill factor on your skin.. water helps!! It does.. trust me but you can do it.. you want it go get it "fly like an eagle baby!!!" Your stronger than it, your better than that shit!!! Get your mind and body back!! You can do it.. if i can anyone can!!!! Be safe no mater what.. peace my friend

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Mistylee and a warm welcome to BL

If you want to share what pain meds you're on we can tell you how long the acute withdrawal will last. If you share a little more of your story, members can give advice on treating your situation. What hurts, why and for how long and what have you used to treat yourself.

as 4now posted you can do it.

.. and thats the truth.. I know because I did.

 

[Mistylee]

Thank you both for your responses. I have been averaging about 50 mg of Vicodin a day and sometimes oxy added. It has been escalating for about a decade. Started out with just a small prescription. That might not sound like a huge amount but it isn't cutting it anymore and there is no place to go but up so I have to get out of the cycle.

My pain is generally from an accident I had as a teen. Took a year or so to recover and I was ok for a few years but in my 20s I started having paralyzing pain in my back and legs where the injury had occured. No real explanation for the pain flaring back up other than arthritis had settled into the places the original injuries were. Had trouble getting anyone to believe me about the pain even though some days my legs hurt so bad I couldn't walk. Finally a doc believed me and put me on a couple medications including a small dose of pain meds for days when it was bad. I managed that way for a long time. But you all know the way it goes, pretty soon that wasn't cutting it. I needed more and more and eventually my prescription wasn't doing it and they weren't going to give me a higher dose. By then I was addicted in other physical and emotional ways beyond just the relief from the pain. Although that is still a very real component. And when everything is dark and quiet and I am alone I know my head is going to fuck with me and tell me that I have a legitimate need for the meds so it's ok to keep using. That is how I have relapsed before.

I am nearly into this 48 hours and am miserable af. I know from past experiences that I have a good 5 or 6 days left to go for the physical stuff and longer for the emotional stuff. And that feels a little overwhelming.

I have to do this so I am pushing through. I will probably read and re-read your posts. Thanks for your ideas and for supporting me!

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

i got off decades of use of opioids and aprazolam and a few extra ingredients thrown in. ftr i use occasionally maybe 1 every two years.
Kratom was great tool in this and phenibul hcl at 1.5g every three days.
OC I went though weeks/months/sleepless/agony/feeling worthless and all the other neg side of sudden cessation of drs orders. lol
We look forward, no?
One love

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

proble is finding that something that works and this can either be a guinea pig experiment or maybe research on your particular "issues" and see if something search on google with bluelight.org behind it. or r/researchchemicals
I think I found my jesus juice well see.... took decades and a little love
goes a long way

 

[Uknowit4now]

Thank you both for your responses. I have been averaging about 50 mg of Vicodin a day and sometimes oxy added. It has been escalating for about a decade. Started out with just a small prescription. That might not sound like a huge amount but it isn't cutting it anymore and there is no place to go but up so I have to get out of the cycle.

My pain is generally from an accident I had as a teen. Took a year or so to recover and I was ok for a few years but in my 20s I started having paralyzing pain in my back and legs where the injury had occured. No real explanation for the pain flaring back up other than arthritis had settled into the places the original injuries were. Had trouble getting anyone to believe me about the pain even though some days my legs hurt so bad I couldn't walk. Finally a doc believed me and put me on a couple medications including a small dose of pain meds for days when it was bad. I managed that way for a long time. But you all know the way it goes, pretty soon that wasn't cutting it. I needed more and more and eventually my prescription wasn't doing it and they weren't going to give me a higher dose. By then I was addicted in other physical and emotional ways beyond just the relief from the pain. Although that is still a very real component. And when everything is dark and quiet and I am alone I know my head is going to fuck with me and tell me that I have a legitimate need for the meds so it's ok to keep using. That is how I have relapsed before.

I am nearly into this 48 hours and am miserable af. I know from past experiences that I have a good 5 or 6 days left to go for the physical stuff and longer for the emotional stuff. And that feels a little overwhelming.

I have to do this so I am pushing through. I will probably read and re-read your posts. Thanks for your ideas and for supporting me!

48 hrs that is "amazing" i know it hurts and you are not feeling well but at 72 hrs i think some of your pains may subside. Take Tylenol take ibu's, cry, laugh, do whatever it takes, you sound so much better than that, stronger than that, your gonna do it! Dont let it mess with your head... when you start to feel clean, your gonna feel so good 1000xs better than that tired dopey feeling of being high... you will be a new "you" and dam you are gonna feel naturally high!!! You will, we all do when we are truly clean..its amazing it really is.. i wish i could snap my fingers for ya just so you could feel that emotion.
But i think you will.. and once this crap passes you will have "wowed" yourself keep the mind occupied. And when you do it you will be one of the strongest minds alive!!! You will have the power! Stay on these forms write out your feelings no one knows who you are so you can say anything just to get it off your mind that helps trust on that!

 

[Mistylee]

Thank you so much! All of those words helped me a lot. Nights are the hardest for me and last night was probably the single worst night I have had in all the times of trying to do this. Barely slept and then woke up feeling like I wasn't going to be able to do it. But a few hours of being up has settled my mind a little. Having weird inability to regulate temperature, screaming legs, body aches, headache and this weird feeling of rapid breathing and a sensation like I am about to have a panic attack but no intense attack comes. Just sort of like my brain isn't firing right. But I actually prefer it to the really dark depressing place I was in when I couldn't sleep last night. So I am pushing through. This is the last day I can stay home all day so tomorrow will be a new kind of challenge.

 

[Uknowit4now]

Thank you so much! All of those words helped me a lot. Nights are the hardest for me and last night was probably the single worst night I have had in all the times of trying to do this. Barely slept and then woke up feeling like I wasn't going to be able to do it. But a few hours of being up has settled my mind a little. Having weird inability to regulate temperature, screaming legs, body aches, headache and this weird feeling of rapid breathing and a sensation like I am about to have a panic attack but no intense attack comes. Just sort of like my brain isn't firing right. But I actually prefer it to the really dark depressing place I was in when I couldn't sleep last night. So I am pushing through. This is the last day I can stay home all day so tomorrow will be a new kind of challenge.

Just keep pressing on. The hot cold temp stuff will subside, the aches then pains they will subside, the sudden panic attacks will go away!!
Facts facts facts , it not forever just a very short time!! You are so stronggggg!!!!! You will kick its is @$$!!!!!!!! Makes even me emotional thinking you will so very powerful oh my sooo very powerful. Your making my day just thinki g ypu gonna do this baby!!! Like i always say Fly like an eagle, fly like eagle!! because your just as strong!


THE POWER IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP!!!!!!!

＜￣｀ヽ、　　　　　　／￣＞
ゝ、　　＼　／⌒ヽ,ノ /´
　　ゝ、　`（ ´･ω･)／
　 　　>　 　 　,ノ
　　　　∠_,,,/´”

FLY LIKE AN EAGLE BABY YOU HAVE THIS!!

 

[pozlotus]

Need advice, tips, support from those who have recovered from prescription pain meds. I have tried unsuccessfully several times. I felt determined to do this yesterday. Ran out, didn't seek. Went to bed feeling confident. Now, at about 36 hours I am feeling the effects and my resolve is weakening. This stuff has really fucked up my life. I am in a cycle I have to get out of, but when I try I feel so physically sick and deeply, darkly disturbed emotionally that I end up going right back to the temporary fix.
It's complicated by the fact that I do have chronic pain that isn't even touched by otc stuff. But I can't regulate my use of prescriptions so I am just screwed.
I primarily want to hear from those who succeeded without rehab, although I suppose hearing from those who realized they needed it would be an answer I needed too. The way my life is set up I will pretty much lose everything if people around me find out I am an addict.
I need success stories. I need help just getting through the next hours honestly.

Detoxing from opioids is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I did it at an inpatient detox center. They gave me a choice between buprenorphine or methadone. I chose methadone. I was inpatient for seven days. After that I did a thirty-day inpatient rehab. I think I could have made it without the rehab, but there's no way I could have stopped without medically supervised detoxification. (I am a practicing Buddhist and can't do the god thing that has to happen for twelve-step programs. I went to a Buddhist-oriented rehab in California. It was a solid decision on my part and I'm grateful I had the resources to pull it off.)

I detoxed in October of 2017. They started me at 20mg of methadone and tapered it down to zero over seven days. It was one of the worst medical experiences I have ever had (I've had nine major operations and have been dealing with HIV for over thirty years). I felt like I had a bad case of the flu (runny nose, uncontrollable sneezing, nausea, diarrhea, body aches, inability to sleep...). After detox, I chose to hire a 'sober escort' to accompany me to California (I live in New England). My insurance covered a seven-day detox but refused to cover a rehab. I paid for the rehab out of pocket.It wasn't cheap but it was only a matter of time before I overdosed or died from some other addiction related problem (incidentally, I started with a prescription pain killer and then went to heroin). I got out just in time to dodge the fentanyl trend became the problem it is today. Fentanyl seems to be contaminating everything these days. Even pills that look legit can be tainted if one is buying them on the street.

After rehab, it took me almost a year to begin to sleep normally again. The most valuable resource I've had since I detoxed is my friends. I also meditate. I don't do twelve-step program/meetings for a host of reasons (there are other options available these days, like Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery, Recovery Dharma). Connection to a healthy community, to nature and connecting with silence through meditation.

If one is truly, physically addicted, I don't think there is any way to detox from an opioid addiction without going through a significant amount of dope-sickness. October 2017 thru roughly April was difficult, but what choice did I have? It was only a matter of time before it killed me. I 5'11" and currently weigh 150 pounds. When I checked into detox, I weighed 118 pounds. Opioid, benzodiazepine, and alcohol detox are potentially dangerous (benzos and alcohol can literally be deadly if not medically supervised and opioids can be dangerous if one has a history of seizures/neurological problems.

I still use cannabis but I have been to two funerals in the last couple of years that were from unintentional overdose on fentanyl because the product they were getting was tainted with fentanyl.

I don't currently attend any kind of meeting. Now that I have kicked heroin, the fentanyl issue keeps me away from using opioids again. I'd prefer not to die if I can avoid it.

I sincerely hope you can find your route to an opioid free life. A life free from opioids is a MUCH easier life. I hope you can find freedom and happiness.

 

[Mistylee]

Detoxing from opioids is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I did it at an inpatient detox center. They gave me a choice between buprenorphine or methadone. I chose methadone. I was inpatient for seven days. After that I did a thirty-day inpatient rehab. I think I could have made it without the rehab, but there's no way I could have stopped without medically supervised detoxification. (I am a practicing Buddhist and can't do the god thing that has to happen for twelve-step programs. I went to a Buddhist-oriented rehab in California. It was a solid decision on my part and I'm grateful I had the resources to pull it off.)

I detoxed in October of 2017. They started me at 20mg of methadone and tapered it down to zero over seven days. It was one of the worst medical experiences I have ever had (I've had nine major operations and have been dealing with HIV for over thirty years). I felt like I had a bad case of the flu (runny nose, uncontrollable sneezing, nausea, diarrhea, body aches, inability to sleep...). After detox, I chose to hire a 'sober escort' to accompany me to California (I live in New England). My insurance covered a seven-day detox but refused to cover a rehab. I paid for the rehab out of pocket.It wasn't cheap but it was only a matter of time before I overdosed or died from some other addiction related problem (incidentally, I started with a prescription pain killer and then went to heroin). I got out just in time to dodge the fentanyl trend became the problem it is today. Fentanyl seems to be contaminating everything these days. Even pills that look legit can be tainted if one is buying them on the street.

After rehab, it took me almost a year to begin to sleep normally again. The most valuable resource I've had since I detoxed is my friends. I also meditate. I don't do twelve-step program/meetings for a host of reasons (there are other options available these days, like Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery, Recovery Dharma). Connection to a healthy community, to nature and connecting with silence through meditation.

If one is truly, physically addicted, I don't think there is any way to detox from an opioid addiction without going through a significant amount of dope-sickness. October 2017 thru roughly April was difficult, but what choice did I have? It was only a matter of time before it killed me. I 5'11" and currently weigh 150 pounds. When I checked into detox, I weighed 118 pounds. Opioid, benzodiazepine, and alcohol detox are potentially dangerous (benzos and alcohol can literally be deadly if not medically supervised and opioids can be dangerous if one has a history of seizures/neurological problems.

I still use cannabis but I have been to two funerals in the last couple of years that were from unintentional overdose on fentanyl because the product they were getting was tainted with fentanyl.

I don't currently attend any kind of meeting. Now that I have kicked heroin, the fentanyl issue keeps me away from using opioids again. I'd prefer not to die if I can avoid it.

I sincerely hope you can find your route to an opioid free life. A life free from opioids is a MUCH easier life. I hope you can find freedom and happiness.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't do this. But so far have been pushing through. I know you are right, a much better life awaits me on the other side of this. I don't really have the support of friends because this is mostly a private addiction for me. My friends and family know I have chronic pain and take pain medication but they don't know anything else. I am sure they have noticed a personality shift in me due to constantly chasing/seeking but I think they chalk those changes up to me coping with pain. My friends and family are good loyal people but not people who would understand addiction or would be able to support me the way I need. So at this point I need to continue to fight this alone. If I continue to fail I might have to change my tactic and get help which will mean they will find out. But I am desperately trying to avoid that at this point. Thanks for responding and being supportive. This is my outlet right now. And the only place I can lean on others while I go through it. I read all your posts several times throughout the day when I need help. Sort of like calling a sponsor when you feel weak. Well, I'm off to try to have a "normal" day even though I feel like complete shit. I was able to stay home for 4 days but life has to go forward. Distraction will be nice but pushing through emotional and physical stuff today with a smile on my face is going to suck.

 

[hylite]

The higher the dosages you were taking will make the withdrawal more difficult. It is much better to taper down and then it won't be as excruciating or painful.
I took pain medication for about a total of 14 years. However I took them straight through for 11 solid years. It is possible to stop and you will be much stronger when you do. It is so possible and doable. Do not give up if this is what you really want or need to do. It is the easiest withdrawal most of the time !! You'll do great when you keep trying !!!!!!!!
I hope you stick with this, let us know.

Edited with I fixed typo. I took pain pills for eleven years on a daily basis. It was difficult to quit at first and I was kind of afraid. Well very much afraid. However once I went through all of it, it was the easiest thing ever. Really wasn't too difficult. Just time consuming lol and draining.

 

[hylite]

Hope to see more post from you anytime !!!!

 

[Uknowit4now]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't do this. But so far have been pushing through. I know you are right, a much better life awaits me on the other side of this. I don't really have the support of friends because this is mostly a private addiction for me. My friends and family know I have chronic pain and take pain medication but they don't know anything else. I am sure they have noticed a personality shift in me due to constantly chasing/seeking but I think they chalk those changes up to me coping with pain. My friends and family are good loyal people but not people who would understand addiction or would be able to support me the way I need. So at this point I need to continue to fight this alone. If I continue to fail I might have to change my tactic and get help which will mean they will find out. But I am desperately trying to avoid that at this point. Thanks for responding and being supportive. This is my outlet right now. And the only place I can lean on others while I go through it. I read all your posts several times throughout the day when I need help. Sort of like calling a sponsor when you feel weak. Well, I'm off to try to have a "normal" day even though I feel like complete shit. I was able to stay home for 4 days but life has to go forward. Distraction will be nice but pushing through emotional and physical stuff today with a smile on my face is going to suck.

You are doing amazing its funny all my decades of doing pills methadone dope benzos subs, no matter what I'd like id really only feel good for like 5% of the time and the rest of the time your crusty and sh!tty its like your mind is playing tricks on your body, its really messed up... but when your clean you feel good like 95% of the time (of course we all have our vices and hardships its all human!) But seriously who the hell wants to make that trade off? Makes no sense to me..once your mind is clear you dont think the same way, you actually think differently.. what a wild ride life is... our ups and our downs all part of life, sometimes it take others longer to learn, and sometimes unfortunately some people dont get that chance hopefull we do. I cpukd never say ill never use again, but i can say today i certainly wont! Oh man i never want to go thru that again, done it too many times made my mind insane. No matter how much you have after a while its gets so monotonous and annoying , you can't travel or go anywhere without your "fix" its really kept me down for so many years. None of it was ever worth it...not even once, i dont care how much pain i was in.. id rather have my mind, and i think everyone else would too once the release the grip of the monster that has a hold of the brain... yes the leg aches and arm aches and sleeplessness and pain sucked, but for me the mental pain would be so intense so intense thats what i coukd not handle..now all that depression panic attacks anxieties are 99.999% gone!!!
Feels soooooo good.. geezus does it.. if you stumble and mess up, just pick yerself back up and say "i got this!!!" There is no shame you do have this!!!

 

[Uknowit4now]

The higher the dosages you were taking will make the withdrawal more difficult. It is much better to taper down and then it won't be as excruciating or painful.
I took pain medication for about a total of 14 years. However I took them straight through for 11 solid years. It is possible to stop and you will be much stronger when you do. It is so possible and doable. Do not give up if this is what you really want or need to do. It is the easiest withdrawal most of the time !! You'll do great when you keep trying !!!!!!!!
I hope you stick with this, let us know.

Edited with I fixed typo. I took pain pills for eleven years on a daily basis. It was difficult to quit at first and I was kind of afraid. Well very much afraid. However once I went through all of it, it was the easiest thing ever. Really wasn't too difficult. Just time consuming lol and draining.

Wow amazing job!! A super accomplishment!
And hell ya we are all afraid it is scary, pretty much scarier then anything most people do... but if you want it like you did, it will be done
And its always easier when you "want it" thats what people need to understand. But if you dont want it and people try to push you into it, thats never gonna happen...you have to want it with all your might i love hearing the getting clean stories... makes me happy!

 

[Branggen]

The big issue here is that if you want to still be able to use them for your pain you arent gonna be able to reduce your tolerance, sure you might be able to taper down to 50mg at which point 60mg will feel kind of nice, the next day you go to take 60 again and its not gonna feel the same, you're gonna need 70. The thing about being on the same dose of opiates for a long time is that eventually it just feels normal, you always got to go up or down otherwise theirs no point really, the only way around this I could see would be if you were able to use the pills 'as needed' instead of daily. I recommend you just get off completely and try to find other ways to deal with the pain if possible.

Aside from that what I did was taper, give your self at least six months up 2 years and just drop by 2-5% every 2 weeks (you can probably manage more) The main thing you gotta realize is that you are only dosing to prevent withdrawal, if you go looking for pain relief or a high you arent tapering your increasing your tolerance

 

[pozlotus]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't do this. But so far have been pushing through. I know you are right, a much better life awaits me on the other side of this. I don't really have the support of friends because this is mostly a private addiction for me. My friends and family know I have chronic pain and take pain medication but they don't know anything else. I am sure they have noticed a personality shift in me due to constantly chasing/seeking but I think they chalk those changes up to me coping with pain. My friends and family are good loyal people but not people who would understand addiction or would be able to support me the way I need. So at this point I need to continue to fight this alone. If I continue to fail I might have to change my tactic and get help which will mean they will find out. But I am desperately trying to avoid that at this point. Thanks for responding and being supportive. This is my outlet right now. And the only place I can lean on others while I go through it. I read all your posts several times throughout the day when I need help. Sort of like calling a sponsor when you feel weak. Well, I'm off to try to have a "normal" day even though I feel like complete shit. I was able to stay home for 4 days but life has to go forward. Distraction will be nice but pushing through emotional and physical stuff today with a smile on my face is going to suck.

I sincerely hope you can get through the first few weeks. Once you can do that, the rest is psychological/emotional which is why I find community so valuable. In addition, meditation and a monthly psychotherapy session. Stay strong and don't hesitate to write me anytime.

 

[Mistylee]

The big issue here is that if you want to still be able to use them for your pain you arent gonna be able to reduce your tolerance, sure you might be able to taper down to 50mg at which point 60mg will feel kind of nice, the next day you go to take 60 again and its not gonna feel the same, you're gonna need 70. The thing about being on the same dose of opiates for a long time is that eventually it just feels normal, you always got to go up or down otherwise theirs no point really, the only way around this I could see would be if you were able to use the pills 'as needed' instead of daily. I recommend you just get off completely and try to find other ways to deal with the pain if possible.

Aside from that what I did was taper, give your self at least six months up 2 years and just drop by 2-5% every 2 weeks (you can probably manage more) The main thing you gotta realize is that you are only dosing to prevent withdrawal, if you go looking for pain relief or a high you arent tapering your increasing your tolerance

Yeah, I already know I won't be able to use them for pain. That is one of the hurdles right now. I will need to learn new ways of dealing with the chronic pain. And I can't taper for pretty much the same reason. I can't really control my use. If I tapered I would have to have someone dole them out to me and I am not ready to talk to the people closest to me about this yet. I have tried in the past and i just can't do it. So it's cold turkey for me. Which has been pretty shitty so far this week but today is a little better. Now the emotional stuff is hitting and I'm slogging through it and trying to be cheerful to the people around me because I can't just lay in bed all day the rest of the week.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Yeah, I already know I won't be able to use them for pain. That is one of the hurdles right now. I will need to learn new ways of dealing with the chronic pain. And I can't taper for pretty much the same reason. I can't really control my use. If I tapered I would have to have someone dole them out to me and I am not ready to talk to the people closest to me about this yet. I have tried in the past and i just can't do it. So it's cold turkey for me. Which has been pretty shitty so far this week but today is a little better. Now the emotional stuff is hitting and I'm slogging through it and trying to be cheerful to the people around me because I can't just lay in bed all day the rest of the week.

I really really feel for you and you could be the old me. I couldn't taper for shit and I damn sure didn't want anyone holding them for me because I wanted them in my possession. I'd get a new bottle and have all these plans to take them the right way and 10 days later they were gone. Every damn time. Month after month. Finally realized that giving them up for good was the only way. Just couldn't control myself no matter how many times i tried. Put narcotic pain pills in front of me and i will eat them until they are gone. All day, every day.

Do not beat yourself up because you lost control. Many of us do. Many are so compulsive that they have been doing this for years. Get a 30 day script, eat them all in 10 days and either suffer for 20 more days until we can refill or go to the streets and pay through the ass for someone else's script.......or worse go to the harder stuff.

Do not give up. Pain pills can be a short physical WD but the mind fuck afterwards is where we fail. You gotta put on some thick skin and when you are missing your pills you simply have to divert your thoughts. Go outside, take a hot shower, take a walk, visit a family member...........anything to keep your mind off the pills. Every day that passes it gets better and better. I had to go to kratom because having nothing was just too hard. And I didn't want to go back to the pills. So far, so good and it's been over 2 years.

Hang in there. It's the hardest thing you will ever do but I promise you it's worth it. No more Dr. appts. No more peeing in a cup. No more running out early month after month. No more pulling your hair out because you can't find pills. No more lying to your family. No more lots of stuff.

You can do this but it ain't gonna be easy !! xxoo

 

[Mistylee]

You are doing amazing its funny all my decades of doing pills methadone dope benzos subs, no matter what I'd like id really only feel good for like 5% of the time and the rest of the time your crusty and sh!tty its like your mind is playing tricks on your body, its really messed up... but when your clean you feel good like 95% of the time (of course we all have our vices and hardships its all human!) But seriously who the hell wants to make that trade off? Makes no sense to me..once your mind is clear you dont think the same way, you actually think differently.. what a wild ride life is... our ups and our downs all part of life, sometimes it take others longer to learn, and sometimes unfortunately some people dont get that chance hopefull we do. I cpukd never say ill never use again, but i can say today i certainly wont! Oh man i never want to go thru that again, done it too many times made my mind insane. No matter how much you have after a while its gets so monotonous and annoying , you can't travel or go anywhere without your "fix" its really kept me down for so many years. None of it was ever worth it...not even once, i dont care how much pain i was in.. id rather have my mind, and i think everyone else would too once the release the grip of the monster that has a hold of the brain... yes the leg aches and arm aches and sleeplessness and pain sucked, but for me the mental pain would be so intense so intense thats what i coukd not handle..now all that depression panic attacks anxieties are 99.999% gone!!!
Feels soooooo good.. geezus does it.. if you stumble and mess up, just pick yerself back up and say "i got this!!!" There is no shame you do have this!!!

You are doing amazing its funny all my decades of doing pills methadone dope benzos subs, no matter what I'd like id really only feel good for like 5% of the time and the rest of the time your crusty and sh!tty its like your mind is playing tricks on your body, its really messed up... but when your clean you feel good like 95% of the time (of course we all have our vices and hardships its all human!) But seriously who the hell wants to make that trade off? Makes no sense to me..once your mind is clear you dont think the same way, you actually think differently.. what a wild ride life is... our ups and our downs all part of life, sometimes it take others longer to learn, and sometimes unfortunately some people dont get that chance hopefull we do. I cpukd never say ill never use again, but i can say today i certainly wont! Oh man i never want to go thru that again, done it too many times made my mind insane. No matter how much you have after a while its gets so monotonous and annoying , you can't travel or go anywhere without your "fix" its really kept me down for so many years. None of it was ever worth it...not even once, i dont care how much pain i was in.. id rather have my mind, and i think everyone else would too once the release the grip of the monster that has a hold of the brain... yes the leg aches and arm aches and sleeplessness and pain sucked, but for me the mental pain would be so intense so intense thats what i coukd not handle..now all that depression panic attacks anxieties are 99.999% gone!!!
Feels soooooo good.. geezus does it.. if you stumble and mess up, just pick yerself back up and say "i got this!!!" There is no shame you do have this!!!

Yes! Feeling good 5% of the time and feeling like crap 95% of the time pretty much sums up the last few years of my life. But I was willing to make that trade which just shows how that stuff fucks with your head. That exact conclusion was what made me really wake up and commit to doing this. And yet, still, with all that knowledge and understanding of how it ruined years of my life I still keep thinking about it and my brain still keeps telling me it would like to go back.