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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread 2022-2023 v. Year of the Phenethylamine

cosmic charlie

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@cosmic charlie , that sucks man. :( I hope that you get to stay. But even if you don't, you have to tell yourself that going on a relapse binge and ending up in prison just isn't an option. When we tell ourselves that these things will happen, we are basically pre-allowing it to happen... it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. yeah, it'll be stressful, but it doesn't mean you have to relapse. <3

Mean, hopefully i get enough time here to find a room. Im gonna be looking and calling places today, ive got like 3.6k in my savings account and i work 6 days a week so financially im gonna be able to swing it. Well my dreams of the dissos collection are being put on hold now, lol.

At least i got all that FXE, my other 25g's will be here anyday now. Im gonna order 10g's next week of O-DSMT from a domestic dude cuz im paranoid about suddenly being cut off from the Buprenorphine and i cant wait for it to come from China even tho it would be so much cheaper. Actually just dropped my Bupe dose to 2mgs today just in case. Havent been at 4mgs long so it shouldnt be to hard, and if i start feeling off i will just take Memantine, thankfully i still got quite a bit more.

One sealed box of 60 tablets 10mgs up there in Connecticut and then i have a two boxes on me here just about 115 tabs, stashed up real good, its a decent amount. Im obviously not trying to spiral my dude but if i cant find a place to live and they tell me i have to leave and im faced with the streets again. Well im not turning myself in if i get violated and im going back up to NYC to ruff it for awhile. The cops dont bother you up there and i had a warrant one time for 5 years in the city and i never once got stopped by the police.

What i will do when i get up there is shoot up 100mgs of O-DSMT when i wake up and then around 5pm shoot up another 100mgs. Probably mix some FXE in the shots for good measure and spend quite some time in a hole drowning my sorrows, lol. Im gonna be alright man i have had a really hard life and faced stuff like this before, built tuff. And when they catch me someday it is what it is and ill just read alot of books and work out, prison is whatever it will be my third time going back.

This is all me being catastrophic mentally and hopefully none of this comes to be. Im gonna keep going to work like everything is fine and stacking up money until shit hits the fan. Its gonna be alright, if im still alive its not over yet and i wont give up fighting. If i have to live on the streets again for awhile, shit happens.

Just feel sorry for my girlfriend right now this is really hard on her, and she is living in a split level house with her kids on the top floor with her. And her ex and his parents on the bottom floor. So obviously i cant move there it would be weird...
 

cosmic charlie

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Yes you are totally right Xorky, i need to keep it together and not self-destruct because things are getting tough. Im just gonna have to explain to my probabtion officer what is happening to me this week and ask him what i should do. Just running from the problem is gonna deff get me sent back to prison again. If i stay in communication with them im sure they will work with me.

Its actually a much different climate here with how they treat drug addicts, they are actually trying to help us now. It really blew me away when i had the first meeting with my P.O. and he said that we are now longer trying to treat probation as such a punitive measure anymore.

So i need to keep that in my mind and not think they are just trying to fuck me like had happened to me numerous times over the years. It sucks that i have had these legal problems all my life, ive spent around 7 years in jails and prisons, and many years in drug programs.

Its been just alot to deal with and i wish i could go back and change so many things. I try not to think about it too much, cuz i would just wanna cry all the time. So i put up this wall emotionally and push forward, its probably really unhealthy but i need a defensive mechanism.
 

cosmic charlie

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One of the best parts about where im planning on moving is that they sell actual PCP on the streets there. Jersey City is probably one of only a handful of places on earth that has a thriving Phencyclidine Market. Sure its randomly dosed but i really like getting wet.

Ive smoked some dust in my day as i was blessed being born in NJ, the DissoHead PromiseLand 😎
 

Cheshire_Kat

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One of the best parts about where im planning on moving is that they sell actual PCP on the streets there. Jersey City is probably one of only a handful of places on earth that has a thriving Phencyclidine Market. Sure its randomly dosed but i really like getting wet.

Ive smoked some dust in my day as i was blessed being born in NJ, the DissoHead PromiseLand 😎
Wet, all the way home...

Chicago has it, too.
I don't do it anymore but it's there if ya really look.
Enjoy!
 

Xorkoth

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Yes you are totally right Xorky, i need to keep it together and not self-destruct because things are getting tough. Im just gonna have to explain to my probabtion officer what is happening to me this week and ask him what i should do. Just running from the problem is gonna deff get me sent back to prison again. If i stay in communication with them im sure they will work with me.

Its actually a much different climate here with how they treat drug addicts, they are actually trying to help us now. It really blew me away when i had the first meeting with my P.O. and he said that we are now longer trying to treat probation as such a punitive measure anymore.

So i need to keep that in my mind and not think they are just trying to fuck me like had happened to me numerous times over the years. It sucks that i have had these legal problems all my life, ive spent around 7 years in jails and prisons, and many years in drug programs.

Its been just alot to deal with and i wish i could go back and change so many things. I try not to think about it too much, cuz i would just wanna cry all the time. So i put up this wall emotionally and push forward, its probably really unhealthy but i need a defensive mechanism.

I'm glad to hear you say this. :) Yeah just keep in touch, do what they tell you to do. Like you said, they're actually trying to help you stay out of prison and improve your life now. If you keep your head up and make sure to stay with it enough to keep track of what you need to do, I'm sure you'll be fine, and be able to get through your probation. And like you said, you have some money and more importantly, you have a job that pays you enough to have the necessities, like a place to live and food.

I know you've been through a lot, and that's bound to leave some trauma behind... but you really do have options besides self-destructing. My advice is to tell yourself every day that you're going to make it through this, instead of going over your plans to self-destruct. We basically write the story of our lives... what you tell yourself repeatedly becomes your reality. We manifest what we believe. Positive affirmation sounds like new agey hippie stuff, but it really works. Even if it feels like you're lying to yourself or something, do it anyway, and before long, your automatic thoughts will start to be about how you're going to make it through. And when that happens, you will be able to see the opportunities that come up, to improve your situation. When you're dead-set on being fucked, you don't notice those things. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That really is fucked up that they're kicking people out of the halfway house, though, when they're not ready. :(
 

Chris Timothy

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Yes you are totally right Xorky, i need to keep it together and not self-destruct because things are getting tough. Im just gonna have to explain to my probabtion officer what is happening to me this week and ask him what i should do. Just running from the problem is gonna deff get me sent back to prison again. If i stay in communication with them im sure they will work with me.

Its actually a much different climate here with how they treat drug addicts, they are actually trying to help us now. It really blew me away when i had the first meeting with my P.O. and he said that we are now longer trying to treat probation as such a punitive measure anymore.

So i need to keep that in my mind and not think they are just trying to fuck me like had happened to me numerous times over the years. It sucks that i have had these legal problems all my life, ive spent around 7 years in jails and prisons, and many years in drug programs.

Its been just alot to deal with and i wish i could go back and change so many things. I try not to think about it too much, cuz i would just wanna cry all the time. So i put up this wall emotionally and push forward, its probably really unhealthy but i need a defensive mechanism.

The problem is one tends to forget the defense mechanisms in place. Then reality just looks bleak and wrong, and to be corrected, or even violated. Feeling whatever needs to be felt is sufficient in itself, however impractical. That's not to say the practical shouldn't take everyday priority, but that it needs to be remembered salvation lies in the moments you can afford to truly and completely give up. Not the giving up of escapism, the giving up that even makes the escapades seem pointless. It's the downright ruthless giving up in which is seen that absolutely nothing you as individual can do to better your emotional state. Only then it betters. Because not only you don't like to be told what to do, not only me.. but the organism itself doesn't. And you are not that organism. Because the emotional wall is culturally ingrained, it's become a conceptual wall too. We all tend to forget defense mechanisms in place.

I have trouble coming to terms with the past too. I'm still mentally killing off the toxic relationships that shaped me. It all goes so embarrassingly slow. And it hurts constantly.. yet I've forgotten how to cry about it. Somehow I need to, even without legal troubles I'm in a prison of my own making. And while there's enough hope out there for all to see, it's also so easy to stop caring to look.. as if the walls are not only emotional or conceptual, but even generally perceptual.

In that sense it's unhealthy.. but we still need the defensive mechanisms. And we need the reminders they're just that and nothing more. And then we need the strength to put them back up nevertheless. And the clarity of mind to see how futile they are in the bigger scheme. And the stubbornness to reject that insight at just the right time. And the humility to change the mind yet again. And the wisdom to carry ever more of this conflict. And the love to know that's how the world goes around.
 

Xorkoth

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Oh yeah, it's hard, for sure. My girlfriend is stuck in a prison of her own making, too. I have been, too... and am now. I've also not been, and I have seen people tear down their walls, too. So I just hope for everyone that they're able to do that. But no judgment, it's not easy, and you're right, it's slow going.

Except that one time I took ibogaine at a flood dose level... that time it just happened all at once, somehow.
 

cosmic charlie

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Id really like to take Ibogaine someday i wonder if it could help fix some of the broken parts of me. I know that it obviously wouldnt be a cure all but im sure its a miraculous drug from all ive read about it. My only concern is that i have weird blood pressure fluctuations ever since i got Serotonin Syndrome in my 20's. That shit really through a wrench at me physically and it was a defining moment about how drugs effect me.

For instance i cant even take an SSRI whatsoever cuz they give me excruciating headaches, this never happened before the SS. My dumb ass tried to do a massive dose of DXM again once and that went so bad and ramped up negative symptoms for a full year. Actually had to take a break from all drugs for some years before i slowly started introducing them again.

Think the first psychedelic i took back was 4-OH-MPT and when that was a success i knew i was back in business. As the years went by my body has gotten much better at raking compounds but i still have to be cautious. Like for instance sometimes when i do too much n2O i will get slight head pressure, ive learned to listen to my body more. Especially with the Dissos now cuz they really need to be treated with special care.
 

Xorkoth

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Too much nitrous gives me head pressure too, and various negative effects. Really, after the first blast of the night, it's all downhill, though I can go back in a handful of times before I start to just not remember it anymore (I mean you never really remember nitrous but it will be like I hit the dispenser and then the next thing I remember is it being over with a body buzz remaining). It starts to make my lungs feel bad, too, and my throat.
 

cosmic charlie

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Nitrous is a funny one indeed, ive come to the conclusion like many of you that its best purpose is as a combo drug. On its own the effects are to fleeting, but when you mix it with a dissociative things get very interesting. You have the ability to go in and out of the "hole" so to say and adjust things to your personal pleasure. And in this regard the duration is a good thing cuz of you overshoot the mark you know in a minute or so you'll be at an even keel again.

With the FXE it was incredibly powerful, like earth shaking sorta stuff. Today with the Memantine was very different it liked the epiphany moments but at the same time had this unique headspace that was a blast to navigate. And like i was saying in the other thread due to Memantine's long duration it just drags out the effects for a lifetime. That combo right there is urine test beatable and will take you all the way out to there. If any of you start playing around with Memantine id highly recommend it.
 

SuperPsych

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Nitrous is a funny one indeed, ive come to the conclusion like many of you that its best purpose is as a combo drug. On its own the effects are to fleeting, but when you mix it with a dissociative things get very interesting. You have the ability to go in and out of the "hole" so to say and adjust things to your personal pleasure. And in this regard the duration is a good thing cuz of you overshoot the mark you know in a minute or so you'll be at an even keel again.

With the FXE it was incredibly powerful, like earth shaking sorta stuff. Today with the Memantine was very different it liked the epiphany moments but at the same time had this unique headspace that was a blast to navigate. And like i was saying in the other thread due to Memantine's long duration it just drags out the effects for a lifetime. That combo right there is urine test beatable and will take you all the way out to there. If any of you start playing around with Memantine id highly recommend it.
That sounds absolutely lovely, both the FXE and the Memantine. I used to use Nitrous heavy but usually only when I was dry on other dissociatives. I've never tried combining the two. It sounds amazing to be honest.

However, I'm on Suboxone and I've found that for some reason it really dumbs down the effects of nitrous, and makes them not worth using. I wonder if they'd be worthwhile with a dissociative, I may have to try it.

I have a bit of memantine but I'm gonna wait until the end of my suboxone taper before I start playing with it. I don't have much, maybe 500mg, but I've been seeing you post about it and you REALLY have my curiosity piqued. It sounds like an awesome chemical.

I feel kinda bad saying this because I feel like there a lot of people who are having a rough time right now, but life is going good for me right now. The last 4-5 years of my life or longer I don't think I've felt genuinely happy once. But about two months ago I started seeing this girl. She's so pretty and very sweet and we get along great. Lots of laughs and cuddles and sharing interests. It's fantastic because my one serious relationship I had in my life before this was horribly toxic and my ex partner was horribly abusive emotionally and sometimes physically. And that was before I came out, and it was a straight relationship so I was absolutely miserable throughout those 5 or 6 years. It feels great to be in a queer relationship. It feels great to feel loved for who I am, finally. I asked her a few days ago if she wanted to make it official and now we're an item. In one week from today, we will be rolling together for the first time. She's never used MDMA in an intimate setting before, only ever as a party drug, so I'm very excited for it. I'll also have some 2f-dck and she's never done a dissociative but she seems interested, so I'm excited for her, for that. Also, I may be moving in with my old friend from middle school and high school. Life long friend, like a sibling. We used to to a shit ton of DXM together in high school as well as psychedelics and empathogens. I haven't seen him in like a year or two and now I might be moving in so I'm excited for that. I've just been renting a room in a house with a current co-worker and former co-worker, both of whom I tolerate, but don't go out of my way to see. I think I'll grow a lot more as a person being in close proximity with my life long friend than these two gents, nothing against them.

Life has been feeling good for the first time in 15 years 🙂
 

Dreamflyer

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I've been having a really tough time since my car accident a month ago. I was in a really good place before that happened. I had given up beer, kratom and benzos, I was lifting weights, looking for work and really getting my life together.

These last few weeks I've been a compete mess. I'm in agony but my crappy insurance won't cover anything. Yesterday I drank four 25oz. (8% alcohol) Natty Daddys and took 20mg of Klonopin. I apparently acted like a complete psycho and scared the crap out of my family.

I'm trying my best to get my head together but not doing a very good job of it. Please send some prayers or good vibes my way because I need them.

I've spent the last few weeks fighting with doctors, insurance companies, collection agencies and everyone else who has my life in their hands right now, and nobody is willing to help me. Sometimes I just feel like I'd be better off not being here.

I'm sorry for complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I'm just at the end of my rope right now. Thank you for listening.

Much Love,
Dreamflyer ❤️
 
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JackARoe

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Sometimes I just feel like I'd be better off not being here.

I'm sorry for complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I'm just at the end of my rope right now. Thank you for listening.
❤️
DF I think you described about the same feelings we all have been feeling. I know with all my wife's medical issues we have plenty of insurance snafu's. I will say they all seem to work themselves out in the end. After some aggravation of course.

I also remember you taking a lot of klonopin in the past. That can make things worse. Good work on pausing that.

I have a suggestion for myself that I follow as I look at the whole of life it is too much to handle. So day by day. I just set out what I am going to do today and at the end of the day I lay my head on a pillow and rest. The next day I do the same. Life is way too much. I have often prayed that humans need more bones thrown at them. We are left to wiggle ourselves into a corner. But taking it day by day takes alot of the heaviness away.

I am a strange character that way, I don't think anyone should suffer regardless of their actions. Yet life is suffering. Thanks God it is temporary,

Day by day, one foot in front of the other and just look at the day at hand. And sober up from that 20 mgs of kpins. (jeez .5 is strong for me)
 

Xorkoth

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^ Top shelf advice. When I feel overwhelmed, I make a to-do list for the day and try my best to only worry about today. Oftentimes situations we find ourselves in can feel too massive to get out of, but usually things are a series of concrete steps, and oftentimes the hardest part is taking the first step, because it feels easier to curl up and try to avoid it for another day. A step might be "call XX about YY", for example. If you feel up to it, you can make a to-do list for the next week, pick a larger goal for the week, or month, and make a daily list of small steps. Then you have a plan, and all you have to worry about at any given moment is one or two tasks. And at the end of the day, if you've completed those tasks, you can feel good about yourself and know you've made progress, and done what you set out to do at the beginning of the day.

It doesn't work for all of the kinds of worry/problems there are, but it's good advice in general to live by.

That sounds absolutely lovely, both the FXE and the Memantine. I used to use Nitrous heavy but usually only when I was dry on other dissociatives. I've never tried combining the two. It sounds amazing to be honest.

However, I'm on Suboxone and I've found that for some reason it really dumbs down the effects of nitrous, and makes them not worth using. I wonder if they'd be worthwhile with a dissociative, I may have to try it.

I have a bit of memantine but I'm gonna wait until the end of my suboxone taper before I start playing with it. I don't have much, maybe 500mg, but I've been seeing you post about it and you REALLY have my curiosity piqued. It sounds like an awesome chemical.

I feel kinda bad saying this because I feel like there a lot of people who are having a rough time right now, but life is going good for me right now. The last 4-5 years of my life or longer I don't think I've felt genuinely happy once. But about two months ago I started seeing this girl. She's so pretty and very sweet and we get along great. Lots of laughs and cuddles and sharing interests. It's fantastic because my one serious relationship I had in my life before this was horribly toxic and my ex partner was horribly abusive emotionally and sometimes physically. And that was before I came out, and it was a straight relationship so I was absolutely miserable throughout those 5 or 6 years. It feels great to be in a queer relationship. It feels great to feel loved for who I am, finally. I asked her a few days ago if she wanted to make it official and now we're an item. In one week from today, we will be rolling together for the first time. She's never used MDMA in an intimate setting before, only ever as a party drug, so I'm very excited for it. I'll also have some 2f-dck and she's never done a dissociative but she seems interested, so I'm excited for her, for that. Also, I may be moving in with my old friend from middle school and high school. Life long friend, like a sibling. We used to to a shit ton of DXM together in high school as well as psychedelics and empathogens. I haven't seen him in like a year or two and now I might be moving in so I'm excited for that. I've just been renting a room in a house with a current co-worker and former co-worker, both of whom I tolerate, but don't go out of my way to see. I think I'll grow a lot more as a person being in close proximity with my life long friend than these two gents, nothing against them.

Life has been feeling good for the first time in 15 years 🙂

That's so great to hear! I'm happy for you. :) New relationships are the best... one of the best feelings in the world. It can also be a time of great change, and if it's a healthy relationship, that can be a very positive thing. The honeymoon stage doesn't last forever, so savor it. <3

I'm sorry you're dealing with that, dreamflyer. Insurance is the worst... the American medical system is pretty barbaric, everything costs 10 times as much (literally) as the rest of the world, and so you have to have insurance, and then the insurance does everything they possibly can to wiggle out of paying out despite you having to pay a lot of money every month for it. The whole system is built to benefit the insurance companies and pharmaceutical manufacturers. It can be maddening, but it's just one more stress, that you can push through. Sending positive thoughts your way <3
 

Xorkoth

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I'm feeling pretty good today. My girlfriend and I were at odds the past few days, over how she reacted to a situation that came about from me trying to fix a water leak in my house, but this morning the dust seems to have settled. And the leak stopped, and tomorrow the missing piece from my new faucet is arriving in the mail so we'll have a kitchen sink again. Last night I went to hang out with one of my best friends who I hadn't seen in a while, so I'm feeling good from that, too.

I had been taking flubromazePAM (not -olam) once a week for the past, well, since a little before Christmas, pretty much every 7 days, but occasionally every 5 days. I was/am nearly 100% sure I was experiencing some minor withdrawal, because my baseline level of anxiety has been really high. Flubromazepam has a half-life of about 100 hours, which means after 4 days, it's only halfway out of your system, but I was stupidly thinking that after 3-4 days it was totally out of my system so I thought once a week would be okay. As a result, I have been taking gabapentin and occasionally a bit of phenibut with it every day for the past 5 days, to not feel like curling into a ball of anxiety. Today I haven't had any and I feel pretty good anyway, so hopefully I can just not take anything but my suboxone for a while and avoid forming any additional dependencies.

Flubromazepam is the first benzo I have found recreational... I really like how it makes me feel. The onset is quite sedating, but then I get 3 whole days of feeling like I don't have a care in the world. It puts me in a silly mood, and at 6mg, doesn't affect my memory as far as I can tell. I feel productive and happy. But I am going to have to save it for special occasions, because I do NOT want to become dependent to benzos, especially one with such a monstrous half-life. Imagine the duration of withdrawals on something like that... it chills me to think about. I've always been able to use etizolam fairly regularly for comedowns and when I get bad insomnia, but that's because (a) I don't find it recreational, just useful, and (b) its half-life is only about 6 hours, so you can even use it every other night and most of the time, you don't have a benzo in your system. Also, it's been shown to produce less tolerance and take longer to form dependence than most other benzos (it's one of the few benzos available as an RC that actually is a prescription drug in many places around the world, so it has a long history of medical usage and thus, a lot of study - so of course, that's the one they decided to go after the hardest, not these crazy dangerous ones with no history of human use like flubromazolam and clonazolam).

Fortunately, I really don't feel the pull from benzos, even this one I actually fins recreational, like I do from opiates. And same with gabapentinoids, even though I love them, I can have them and decide not to take them, even when I'm dependent on them and have withdrawals from them. I don't find them compulsive.

I sure have dug myself into a nice little hole with drugs again. Sigh...
 

Mr. Krinkle

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One of the best parts about where im planning on moving is that they sell actual PCP on the streets there. Jersey City is probably one of only a handful of places on earth that has a thriving Phencyclidine Market. Sure its randomly dosed but i really like getting wet.

Ive smoked some dust in my day as i was blessed being born in NJ, the DissoHead PromiseLand 😎

me too

we used to get crazy eddie's in spanish harlem - it wasn't too hard to find there

last time i smoked dust was kinda randomly in Newark at the Pipeline, if you know where that was - think it was 1994
 

cosmic charlie

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Got no sleep all night pretty much just been binging American Horror Story again watched the entire 1st season and halfway thru Asylum. Such a well written show and really wild when you all wacked out on Dissos. Im gonna have to get ready for work in half an hour, just gonna pop a couple caffeine pills and some tylenol when i get to work i should be fine.
 

SuperPsych

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That's so great to hear! I'm happy for you. :) New relationships are the best... one of the best feelings in the world. It can also be a time of great change, and if it's a healthy relationship, that can be a very positive thing. The honeymoon stage doesn't last forever, so savor it. <3
Thank you so much <3
I am very much savoring these moments. I haven't felt like this in a long, long time. So far things seem good and healthy, we both just greatly enjoy each others presence in our lives and we push each other to make positive changes in our lives. We'll see how it goes. She doesn't seem to have an evil bone in her body whereas my ex had 206 of them. I'm excited to see where this relationship takes both her and I :)

I'm feeling pretty good today. My girlfriend and I were at odds the past few days, over how she reacted to a situation that came about from me trying to fix a water leak in my house, but this morning the dust seems to have settled. And the leak stopped, and tomorrow the missing piece from my new faucet is arriving in the mail so we'll have a kitchen sink again. Last night I went to hang out with one of my best friends who I hadn't seen in a while, so I'm feeling good from that, too.

I had been taking flubromazePAM (not -olam) once a week for the past, well, since a little before Christmas, pretty much every 7 days, but occasionally every 5 days. I was/am nearly 100% sure I was experiencing some minor withdrawal, because my baseline level of anxiety has been really high. Flubromazepam has a half-life of about 100 hours, which means after 4 days, it's only halfway out of your system, but I was stupidly thinking that after 3-4 days it was totally out of my system so I thought once a week would be okay. As a result, I have been taking gabapentin and occasionally a bit of phenibut with it every day for the past 5 days, to not feel like curling into a ball of anxiety. Today I haven't had any and I feel pretty good anyway, so hopefully I can just not take anything but my suboxone for a while and avoid forming any additional dependencies.

Flubromazepam is the first benzo I have found recreational... I really like how it makes me feel. The onset is quite sedating, but then I get 3 whole days of feeling like I don't have a care in the world. It puts me in a silly mood, and at 6mg, doesn't affect my memory as far as I can tell. I feel productive and happy. But I am going to have to save it for special occasions, because I do NOT want to become dependent to benzos, especially one with such a monstrous half-life. Imagine the duration of withdrawals on something like that... it chills me to think about. I've always been able to use etizolam fairly regularly for comedowns and when I get bad insomnia, but that's because (a) I don't find it recreational, just useful, and (b) its half-life is only about 6 hours, so you can even use it every other night and most of the time, you don't have a benzo in your system. Also, it's been shown to produce less tolerance and take longer to form dependence than most other benzos (it's one of the few benzos available as an RC that actually is a prescription drug in many places around the world, so it has a long history of medical usage and thus, a lot of study - so of course, that's the one they decided to go after the hardest, not these crazy dangerous ones with no history of human use like flubromazolam and clonazolam).

Fortunately, I really don't feel the pull from benzos, even this one I actually fins recreational, like I do from opiates. And same with gabapentinoids, even though I love them, I can have them and decide not to take them, even when I'm dependent on them and have withdrawals from them. I don't find them compulsive.

I sure have dug myself into a nice little hole with drugs again. Sigh...

How you describe Flubromazepam is how I felt about Clonazolam. Clonazolam was the only benzo I've ever used that felt euphoric which of course quickly snowballed into addiction. Some of these RC benzos are crazy scary. 100 hour half-life is a hell of a long time, I'm not surprised you're experiencing some rebound after a few weeks of 1-2x weekly use. Good on you for recognizing the withdrawal symptoms and pulling your use back. I've seen many people, myself included, who just continue to cover up the rebound anxiety with benzos until it progresses to full on withdrawal symptoms. There's hardly any worse feeling than NEEDING a drug to literally stay alive. Opioid addiction and withdrawal sucks really bad as does stimulant addiction and withdrawal, but benzo withdrawal is something that I hope to never go through again. It's the worst of the worst. So yeah! I'm proud of you for seeing your use pattern for what it is and not letting it progress <3
 

Xorkoth

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Thanks. :) Yeah I have never experienced benzo withdrawal, other than some light rebound anxiety, but I've had it hammered into me from my time on Bluelight just how in a league of its own it is. Extremely long-lasting, worst anxiety you'll ever feel, and actually deadly if it gets bad. No thanks, opiate withdrawal is hell enough, but at least it's not gonna kill you, and, well, actually suboxone withdrawal does last a long time... but I'd prefer to limit my numbers of lingering hellish withdrawal experiences in my future to one. :cautious:

I wish I'd thought a little harder about a 100 hour half life benzo, though. I was more just thinking "okay I'm high for 3 days, so I better leave 4 days between the next use and not do this long-term". My anxiety level has been high recently because of various things, so it was a tempting reprieve, but my experience with opiate addiction for the past 20 years has taught me just how much worse things can get when you have a monkey on your back, and still all of the same problems you had before.

It's funny how different people react to benzos. Nearly every benzo has reviews ranging from "amazing" to "worthless", even the ones that tend to have the most "it's the best" reviews like temazepam. Personally, I hated clonazolam, it didn't feel the least bit euphoric, and fucked my memory up bad, and made me a zombie, basically. And also it produced rebound anxiety and possibly even light withdrawal really fast. I used it when I ran out of etizolam and was used to etizolam, being able to use it 7 nights in a row to sleep when coming off other stuff and then being able to take some time off and not have any problems. Well, not with clonazolam. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole, now. Flubromazepam has a way longer half-life, but way more pleasant effects, for me.
 
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