Social Say what? (funny)

[jasperkent]

Malapropisms, mispronunciations, jumbled words...you know, like the Freudian Slip: When you say one thing, but you mean your mother.

Got any real-life examples of how you or someone you know misspoke with amusing results? Share them here.

I'll get us started (these are all true).....

During a busy lunch rush, a cook was annoyed with the expeditor's impatience and said "You can just put your dick in my mouth!"

In the 50s, my great aunt (a rather prim, proper, and prudish lady) bumped into a man on an elevator. Trying to say Excuse me or Pardon me, what came out was "Oh pursue me!"

A girlfriend's mother, whose car battery had died, asked me "Can you jack off my car?"

A couple friends and I were smoking a joint by blowing shotguns (this was popular in the 70s) and my girlfriend walked in the room. She exclaimed "Give me a blowjob!"

 

[AbbeyLee]

Malapropisms, mispronunciations, jumbled words...you know, like the Freudian Slip: When you say one thing, but you mean your mother.

Got any real-life examples of how you or someone you know misspoke with amusing results? Share them here.

I'll get us started (these are all true).....

During a busy lunch rush, a cook was annoyed with the expeditor's impatience and said "You can just put your dick in my mouth!"

In the 50s, my great aunt (a rather prim, proper, and prudish lady) bumped into a man on an elevator. Trying to say Excuse me or Pardon me, what came out was "Oh pursue me!"

A girlfriend's mother, whose car battery had died, asked me "Can you jack off my car?"

A couple friends and I were smoking a joint by blowing shotguns (this was popular in the 70s) and my girlfriend walked in the room. She exclaimed "Give me a blowjob!"

I can't think of any funny ones atm but as a kid the most embarrassing thing ever was when I accidentally called the teacher "mum". OMG it makes me cringe even now thinking of that. I don't think I get my words mixed up very often because things like that were so traumatic for me!

 

[jasperkent]

I can't think of any funny ones atm but as a kid the most embarrassing thing ever was when I accidentally called the teacher "mum". OMG it makes me cringe even now thinking of that. I don't think I get my words mixed up very often because things like that were so traumatic for me!

My mom was a schoolteacher for years. I remember a couple times when she was exasperated with me for one thing or another and called me "class."

 

[AbbeyLee]

My mom was a schoolteacher for years. I remember a couple times when she was exasperated with me for one thing or another and called me "class."

LOL. Mine was a teacher as well I don't think they make very good mothers unless they teach primary school kids. Well maybe some can separate being a teacher and a mother but mine certainly couldn't.

When I was 10yo I got a diary for Xmas. I found it recently and there were a couple of days I went away with just my dad. I didn't write very much those days.

Well, she's added stuff! I think she even made it up! Because what I'd done wasn't good enough (she would've wanted to know what we did without her).

 

[scottcrud1234]

This may not seem funny to most but recently on an amphet binge about 3 days deep, i coulnt find a spoon to eat a trifle so was using my bank debit card. My mate said to me "why arent you using a foon?" and i replied "because i couldn't find a spork". Then as soon as we realised wed both mixed up the words we were howling laughing about it. I do know there are sporks but i meant fork and she meant spoon.

 

[Robi]

biology teacher saying orgasm instead of organism

 

[jasperkent]

LOL. Mine was a teacher as well I don't think they make very good mothers unless they teach primary school kids. Well maybe some can separate being a teacher and a mother but mine certainly couldn't.

Same here. Mom was a high school math teacher. I was never good at math, which absolutely drove her crazy. Trying to memorize the multiplication table was difficult for me-- and she made it downright traumatic. I remember being smacked in the face for giving a wrong answer. This did not endear me to mathematics. Nor to her.