Sex life over, does he not love me anymore?

[sky-hi]

Ok so been with my partner for 6-7 years or so, we have had more than our share of "issues" but no matter how bad shit got or how pissed we have been at each other we always had sex and good sex too. But last 8+ months he is not very interested and on the very few occasions we have he doesn't ever "wait" to take silver! Going from nearly daily for years to maybe once every few weeks or even less actually has left me thinking he doesn't want me anymore! Factors are,
A, has heart failure so meds could be affecting him therefore making him lose his confidence in the bedroom
B, maybe this is normal after so long
C, he doesn't find me attractive anymore!
(No he won't really discuss it) how can I increase his appetite? Yes I wear the lingerie & play little games to get him going but no cigar! Help!

 

[axe battler]

I would Google the heart med side effects if you haven't already. Did it happen gradually or suddenly? How old is he?

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

After a quick google search, I found that heart meds such as beta-blockers and diuretics (commonly used to treat a variety of heart-related conditions such as high blood pressure and heart failure) may cause erectile dysfunction.

And yes, after 7 years, you probably won't fuck like bunnies anymore.
If your partner is not willing to communicate, it's up to you to communicate to your partner that this arrangement is not working for you.
What he chooses to do then is up to him, but at least you've done your part.

You can't continue to bend over backwards for a man that doesn't even have the curtesy to reciprocate that if you want to be happy.
The only one responsible for your happiness is you.

Good luck.

 

[VerbalTruist]

Seriously look up med side effects and communicate to your partner that this shit isn’t working for you.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

Beyond the side effects of any meds to treat it, I think the diagnosis of “heart failure” is not something that makes the majority of people want to have sex much, if at all. That’s a heavy diagnosis and I don’t know if it’s reversible or manageable for many years.
I have a relative who is in her late 50s and she has Congestive Heart Failure. She was given 5 years to live about 6 or 7 years ago. Before this diagnosis, she’d be the first person to call herself a slut. Nowadays, feeling sexy is the last thing on her mind; she’s trying to hang on to see her 9 grand babies grow up.

 

[roybaxter]

heart medicine could be affects their sexual life because heart related problem directly connected with erectile dysfunction problem in men. So this is one of the possibility.
2nd reason could be, He is no more interested to stay connected with you because of long 7 years relationship.

 

[Foreigner]

When sex decreases in a relationship and there's no conversation about it, it's a bad sign. It doesn't matter what the reason is, if it's his heart, the meds, or whatever. Sex maintains the relationship bond in relationships where it has been a standard feature for years. When it suddenly disappears, it's not good.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Now bad is his condition? He may well be scared of putting strain on his heart during a vigorous activity like sexual intercourse. Or as has already been suggested, be suffering from erectile problems. Most men find that very difficult to admit to and would rather come across as having lost interest than say they can't get it up.

You need an honest conversation. Also if his issues are related to his health or if he's mentally down, it would be a bit selfish to expect him to 'perform' regardless. Have you tried suggesting sexual activity other than full intercourse?, like oral or manual? That way you can still give and receive pleasure without it requiring an erection or physical exertion.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Like Foreigner wrote, a relation is build upon talking about things. Sex is important.

Intimacy is an important part of that. Talking with each other could resolve this issue. No word and your relation will die a sad way. Please try to solve this thru communication.

 

[arrall]

C, he doesn't find me attractive anymore!

As humans, we often may have the tendency to assume that we are the cause of things or blame issues on ourselves. In this situation, that manifests as you assuming that your partner's low sex drive (or rather complete lack of it) may be due to him not finding you attractive or no longer loving you. While this is an understandable anxiety and one that many of us (myself included) have felt at one point or another, I would encourage you to not look at the situation this way.

The first step here - as others such as @emkee_reinvented put it - is to talk to your partner. You cannot read his mind, and even us psychics here at Bluelight cannot do so either. The only way to know what your partner is thinking and know why you guys have not been having sex is to ask him. Tell him that you've noticed his sex drive has been much lower for the past year or so and ask him about it.

A, has heart failure so meds could be affecting him therefore making him lose his confidence in the bedroom

I'm not sure how old your partner is, but some combination of age, the heart failure (As @Fiori di Bella said), and the medication may be causing this.

In men, testosterone begins dropping after age 30 (but men in their 20s can experience hormonal issues in rare cases) and this can often lead to noticeable sexual issues by the time a man hits his late 40s or his 50s. These issues usually involve decreased energy, massively decreased sex drive, erectile dysfunction, etc.

Many cardiovascular medications also cause erectile dysfunction. Both myself and a friend of mine (who called me up to ask if it was normal for sleeping pills to break his dick) experienced this when we were prescribed different alpha agonists for sleep + trauma-related-nightmares, and we were 17-18 at the time. As @tubgirl.jpg said, beta blockers are even more notorious for this issue.

B, maybe this is normal after so long

Having less sex is normal, but a complete lack of it is generally either due to psychological/physiological issues or a relationship issue. I wouldn't say that it is a normal and healthy part of relationship dynamics (unless neither partner has an interest in the relationship being/remaining sexual), but it certainly is common.

(No he won't really discuss it) how can I increase his appetite? Yes I wear the lingerie & play little games to get him going but no cigar! Help!

Tell him that this issue is important to you, that you want to have a sexual relationship, and that you need to talk to him about it. The issue likely doesn't have much or anything to do with how much you turn him on, and seems to mostly have to do with him. So outside of talking to him and ensuring that he knows that you will not judge him for whatever his response is, there isn't much you can do here.