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-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)

GlassAss420

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Joined
Aug 7, 2007
Messages
1,459
I started shooting dope when I was 23, 4 years of that hell.. Not including snorting it for 5 years or so sporadically since I would only do it every couple of months. I've been to 2 rehabs, one of them i went twice.

Been through the scamming and stealing, sadly mostly from my parents, its hard for them to trust me since I've gotten somewhat clean, a week or two here and there, 4 months when I was locked up in county so it wasn't will power just no access. Department of rehabilitation my ass, I came out of there so pissed at the world, only took 2 weeks to relapse. So yeah my parents have given me a million chances, have never kicked me out despite being an asshole and stealing probably a couple thousand dollars over the last 4 years. They love me and all but I can tell they don't want to get their hopes up cause I've relapsed and let them down dozens of times.

I just went on suboxone 18 days ago, was clean till this past weekend, I don't really feel bad or ashamed, I had over 2 weeks before I did it. The thing is this girl I like rarely wants to kick it unless one us has dope, or benzos. I was feeling so good and proud of myself for being clean for over 2 weeks but I was missing this girl like fuck and couldn't get her out of my head. So she called and had money and wanted to hang out and party so I went for it. I just wish so bad she would quit with me and we could be a normal couple and spend our money and time going to movies, eating out, going to concerts, poetry readings, things normal couples do instead of sitting around getting high, don't get me wrong its fun but when we hang out sober she's very distant, like we have good conversations but she never wanted to have sex, like i can cuddle up to her on the cough and watch tv or a movie but she cuts me off when I try to initiate sex, and then when were fucked on dope she's all about getting freaky.

I just don't understand how someone can be all about it when were fucked up, and shes usually the one paying for it so I don't feel used or anything, I just wish soo bad she'd be the way she is one dope when she's sober, she told me in the past when she was like 10 or so some asshole loser fuckwad in her neighborhood raped/molested her and she feels uncomfortable with sex unless she fucked up.. She has other serious issues stemming from that incident eating disorders, used to be a cutter etc, never lets guys get too close to her emotionally..

I just keep thinking if we keep doing it with the heroin she'll start trusting me enougth to do it sober and go out and dates like normal people.

Anyways... Since I've been on the suboxone and this paxil I feel great, like I'm inspired to do things, been reading a lot, looking into getting back into glassblowing, making pipes, pendants, marble etc..

Its funny for the first time since I started doing H I feel like I'm over it, that is has no place in my life.. which is crazy cause I used to absolutely LOVED H, I craved it and my life and entire being was consumed by it. Now I feel at peace with life and can see the possibilities that lay ahead of me in life..

I really didn't want to relapse this weekend but I was dying to kick it with this girl.. it wasn't that bad, I mean I got mad fucked up on H and benzos and seroquel. I somewhat enjoyed it, it was weird copping and not even really wanting it just doing it for the girl. I can honestly say if it wasn't for her and her hardly hanging out with me unless there was dope I wouldn't have gone, I've been so much happier without the dope, the bullshit, the begging for $, worrying about getting arrested.

I don't think I'm going to do it again, but if I do only once or twice a month at most, whenever the girl wants to cop and has money, I might just go cop with her an not do it.. lol yea right..

So I guess thats my plan, stay sober 99% of the time then use when she gets her government check, which is gone like like 2-3 days.. I didn't even feel sick this time, and I didn't have my suboxone cause I forgot to bring it cause I didn't know I was going to be staying for a week.

Sadly I've traded my H addiction for cruising the net, posting on forums and reading books on the computer in .pdf format.. I guess its more healthy than copping and shooting dope LOL.

I do get sorta bored sitting around, but at least I'm expanding my mind and knowledge. Been reading lots of books on psychology, psychiatry, internal medicine, science magazine, art, botany etc.. Bouncing around thoughts of going back to school and studying, to get a better job. Its nice to have a clear head and be able to think about the future in a long term sense, rather than how am I going to get money tomorrow for a fix.

To summerize, going on the paxil has changed my whole outlook on life, I used to be so negative and resentful towards people and things went shit didn't go my way, now I'm more relaxed and thought full about my responses to people.. the best way I can explain it is the same feeling you get on xtc, minus the euphoria, eye wiggles and general e-tarded ness. Like a very low dose of xtc maybe like a shitty 40-60 mg pill but the feeling dosen't fade after a few hours, like defense mechanisms that I've built up over the years to save myself from feeling of hurt rejection have been greatly reduced, I've also become more well spoken and say what's on my mind, less introverted and more out going.. people who know me are like what the fuck are you on your acting so different. The sub really helps too, I don't think I would like the paxil without the sub

I really hope I can keep this going, I feel like I need to cut this girl out of my life but unfortunately I love her, with all her fucked up problems and all, she's like a hurt bird that fell from the nest and I try to pick her up and fix her but only make it worse my touching it.. cause I have no idea how to fix this girl.. I guess its like my NA sponsor said, were all nuts (addicts) and out "picker" for picking a gf/bf is fucked up and we gravitate to the the other fuck-ups and crazies. Its such a pain to find a girl who dosen't drink or smoke weed, but then they say you shouldn't pick up girls in na (which never stopped me lol) not like I've ever poached on a younger girl ( there 17,18,19 year olds there) or someone who seemed vulnerable , I mean I'm 27 so I'd consider my dating range from 25-35, unless it was a very mature 21/22 year old.

I feel like I'm on the verge of changing my life and growing up, getting out of my parents house, pursing a career in glass or other arts, hopefully finding a long term relationship.. all of these are simply planning at this point, even tho I'm already a decent glassblower, just don't have my own shop and i got kicked out of the last shop i was in for shooting up in the bathroom DOH!. They can kick me out of my space, take back the torch I was working on but they can't take away the skills in my hands and the inspiration in my head..

So to conclude I've been feeling great since i put down the junk and I can see endless possibilities in front of me, it was like the smack was making me completely myopic, blind to all the opportunity's laying right in front of me.
 

Captain.Heroin

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Nov 3, 2008
Messages
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i got kicked out of the last shop i was in for shooting up in the bathroom DOH!.

If you don't mind me asking, since this is probably off topic, how did that happen?

I mean, if I was in the bathroom doing anything and anyone saw what I was doing I would feel personally violated... What kind of a pervert is going to be so nosy as to watch what someone is doing in a bathroom? :(

Did you forget to lock the door?
 

bagochina

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 2005
Messages
19,392
Location
Baltimore
I have been hit with almost a solid week of dope dreams. It doesn't really bother me but it kinda sucks waking up, laying in bed, and opening my eyes and having my thoughts flooded with scoring scenarios. Drug dreams are nothing new and I hear they go in cycles I am right around 6 months clean from opiates.

Last night I was in a house and my old friends were in the house over partying. Snorting lines off the hood of a car. I was in this house and it reminded me of some over-the-top Greek home decor. There were these huge marble columns with large vases in between. I remember being so angry that they weren't coming over to see me. Like what the fuck? I wasnt good enough to party their heroin, please. I ended up sneaking out of the house and running thru the woods. They followed me but I lost them in a golf course. There were all these tin? shacks like you would see in Jamaican ghettos except they were mansions with large sliding glass doors and perfect interiors. I paused at the last one and just stared inside and noticed a lady just lounging on a well modern looking lounge chair. It seemed so peaceful and serene. Almost what I seem to be looking for in life.

At least I am not waking up after slamming a shot of dope in my arm, man those dreams suck. This one though I can almost see the struggles I am dealing with though. Not using, alone, friends partying, pissed because I cant party, running away, being followed by the drugs, and finally a peaceful calm. Kinda brings me hope from an alternate reality, shrug.

peace.
seedless
 
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GlassAss420

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 7, 2007
Messages
1,459
I was in there for 30-45 min trying to get a hit, people kept knocking on the door like WTF, and I got blood on my shirt so i turned it inside out.. but it was a white shirt and there was some blood on my face i missed.. and they knew i use(d) heroin, so i had till the end of the month and that was that.. about half the people out of 11 other workers there wanted me to stay and the other half were like fuck that hes a liability like if i burned the shit out of my hand being careless and passing it in front of the flame, or forgot to lock up and we got robbed, but the biggest thing they were worried about was me shooting up there again and oding with no one there to call 911 to revive me and them coming in to the shop in the morning (iwas working nights mostly alone) and finding me dead od'd on the floor.. being a pipeshop/glassblowing studiio it was just look really, really bad..
 
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moogmania

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2010
Messages
27
Location
Parker, CO
bago- that sucks and I can totally relate. I wish it were like Inception and I could roll one of those little top things to figure out if I'm dreaming or not. That way I'd know when I can do drugs and when I'll get fucked over for doing them.
glassass- yeah I ruined a couple of white shirts before I started going topless while I shoot. That is very unfortunate. Personally I had to quest around a little bit before I even found a tattoo artist cool enough to tatt up my crook over some tracks (it was bad, and during the tatt there was a LOT of blood). But I'm sure you'll get some work again soon. best of luck.
 

Carl Landrover

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2005
Messages
9,337
Location
CT
Ugh

Anytime anyone offers me something or says they're grabbing something or something, it's so hard to say no. I can say no, but then I'll usually end up calling back 5 min later and sseing if I can still get it.


Tonight, kid just mentions that he's grabbing pills, still at the old price. I ask if I could get some, wasn't even planning on doing it tonight. Then started just dwelling on it and planning on getting high. Then it looked like it might not happen, so I called up my friend and scooped up 2 bags of heroin, so long as I give him a ride tomorrow to get more (which means I'll grab at least another 2-3 bags). Once I got the heroin, the first kid gets back to me and says he could grab me 2 pills (tho I had been looking for 4). So now I got pills coming to me too.


If pill kid had never brought it up to begin with I would have not gotten anything. It was the fact that he implanted the idea in my mind that I could get high tonight or I could wake up tomorrow morning and get high. This is why I need to eliminate contacts.
 

n3ophy7e

Sr. Moderator
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Messages
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Heroin/Opioids Discussion Megathread v.2

The original thread is here.


Please be mindful that many people who read and contribute to this thread are trying to cut down or quit their opiate usage. So please be cautious of posting content which could be construed as glorifying opiates or other drug use, or triggering people to use their drug of addiction. Any posts which are considered to be triggering will be removed. Thank you.

<3
 

muvolution

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 31, 2010
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fuck you opiates.

"At first it's just a Saturday night thing, and you feel like a gangster or rock star. It feels so good you start doing it on Tuesday, Thursdays, then before you know it, It's got you, like every punk on the street."

Jim Carroll
 

theartofwar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
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Location
Boston
Seriously, fuck opiates. I fucking hate them, fucking hate how much I love them. It's so fucking sickening.
 

theotherside

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
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Location
Inside of a heart-shaped box
I have gotten off of my daily oral morphine and am down to using only 30mg's of hydrocodone a day. I take them as prescribed and am proud to say I have stuck to this for exactly one month(in roughly 2 hours). I don't know if I will ever be able to get off of them for good, but my mind feels "clear" without the morphine. Baby steps...
 

theartofwar

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
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Boston
^ do you CWE for some or all of the hydrocodone or are they just 10s w/low apap ? Always wondered that for people who are on pain management. Props for keeping it steady btw, for real could never do that in a million years personally lol.
 

oxymoron310

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Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
289
Location
Boston
^^ Without a doubt APAP does help with feeling a little more nothing. They didn't put APAP in vicodin for the sole purpose of scaring off people looking for a high without destroying their livers. You could also try taking Aleve (Naproxen) with hydrocodone, no personal experience but I've heard from others that it helps a lot with pain management.
 

theartofwar

Bluelighter
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Jul 29, 2009
Messages
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Boston
yeh, I used to chew those lil buggers like pez when i was younger, never CWEd it's hard but doable to fuck your liver over..one tough customer for sure.
 

n3ophy7e

Sr. Moderator
Staff member
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Messages
33,918
^^ taow I know you are clean from opiates so this isn't directed at you, but your post made me wanna say this:


If anyone is regularly taking any opiate-APAP combination, e.g. Lortab, Vicodin, Percocet etc, PLEASE DO A COLD-WATER EXTRACTION before you take your meds!! I cannot stress this enough.
(For those who aren't aware, opiates are soluble in cold water, while APAP is not, so by dissolving your pills in cold water and straining off the liquid, you effectively remove a large percentage of the APAP, making it much much safer for your liver).

Sure, our livers are really fucking resiliant but there is a limit to how much they can take. APAP-overdose is extremely serious and will fuck up your liver irreversibly.

Please read the following link for the steps to do a cold-water extraction (CWE). It's super easy, takes about 3 minutes to do, and could save your life:
Cold-Water Extraction - made simple(r)
 

TINK

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2000
Messages
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Location
Southern California
I am a recovered long time opiate user but I have been hearing that here in the US they have been talking about removing the APAP from the opiate. At least this is what I am hearing in my heath care organization. I read a proprietary article where they are trying to get a drug company to remove it so that it can be taken seperately if needed.
 
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SkagKush

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 3, 2010
Messages
2,535
on my 8th day clean after my most recent relapse.............

heroin feels like a mistress...............
 
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ErikTheRed

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
193
Location
San Francisco, CA
Wow you guys were right, PAWS really is a bitch kitty.

I'm about 3.5 weeks off Sub, jumped off at .125 after a long taper. My acute WD's oddly enough pretty much mitigated by the moderate use of MDPV which pretty much knocked out all of my symptoms and allowed me to be functional at school, well highly functional hah. So that was a coincidental discovery. And I'm only reporting its effect on me, I'm not saying I recommend it. Or that it will work for you.

So I'm about a week and a half off MDPV, 3.5 weeks off Sub and only using occasional Benzos. I feel depressed as hell. Is this legitimate PAWS? Should I get back on MDPV seeing as its finals week at uni.? Should I use MDPV if it keeps me away from opiates?
 
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