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The Mega-Merged "Friends With Your Ex?" thread

In my experience the friends thing rarely works out... as much as both parties say that they want to be friends when they break up, for one reason or another things don't work out...
 
Im working on it right now, and it is hard as shit. I get jealous and upset when she is with someone else, and vice versa.

I think the key is not to let anything happen pass friendship. No cuddling, no kissing, no flriting.]

It's tough.
 
when i broke up wit my with my gf, i diddnt talk to her much. i talked to her like 1ce or 2ce after the breakup and i then i isolated myself and diddnt talk to anyone for about a few months. then 1 day i planned doing sumthin with my friend (wich is also my ex's best friend) and i ended up inviting her and my ex over. it wasnt as awkward as i thought it would be, it was actualy pretty cool. well we started talking again, I still had feelings for her but i was determined to just stay friends. its been 6 months and now i have no feelings for her and we are BEST friends. i couldnt see myself living without her, i love her more now than i ever did when we were dating and i like it this way. keep working on the friends thing and try to ignore the fact that you still have feelings for him
 
Sorri does to it was my comp :) thanks for the reply tho guys ;) much appreciated.. We have been talking a bit still, things are a little bit weird, but my feelings arent leaning in the directions that I thought they were, they are purely just sexual (I think) I do enjoy talking to him, but right now things arent too bad..
 
deroxor said:
when i broke up wit my with my gf, i diddnt talk to her much. i talked to her like 1ce or 2ce after the breakup and i then i isolated myself and diddnt talk to anyone for about a few months. then 1 day i planned doing sumthin with my friend (wich is also my ex's best friend) and i ended up inviting her and my ex over. it wasnt as awkward as i thought it would be, it was actualy pretty cool. well we started talking again, I still had feelings for her but i was determined to just stay friends. its been 6 months and now i have no feelings for her and we are BEST friends. i couldnt see myself living without her, i love her more now than i ever did when we were dating and i like it this way. keep working on the friends thing and try to ignore the fact that you still have feelings for him
Click to expand...

This sounds like what happened with my best friend and me. We were together for 3 1/2 years, but the relationship was fizzling for a long time.. when we officially broke up, it happened to coincide with him going away to University of Florida for 2 years.. I went up there a few times, and I always hung out w/him when he came down, we talked online, etc... but that initial separation was incremental to us staying friends. We've been broken up for 7 years now and he's my best friend in the world.
Not that it's easy - we were both committed to keeping it as "just friends". It was weird the first time I told him about somebody I was seeing and vice versa, but the romantic feelings do fade. Some friendships are definitely worth hanging on to.....
 
I don't understand people who can do this, cos I've never pulled it off. The fact that I'm an intense motherfucker doesn't generally leave the sweetest of final memories in her mind. Whoever said that you can tell a nice guy by the fact that he's friends with most of his exes was thinking with his ass. On the badboy - niceguy gamut I'm decidedly toward the niceguy end, and I've never had an ex want to keep in contact with me.

My father once introduced me to his very first g/f. They met on a beach when they were both 8. He pined for her for many years, and finally got up the balls to ask her out. They dated, they fizzled, they married different people. They kept in touch. But even after all these years (they're both in their 50s now), the awkwardness in the air was very real.
 
what yeux said, simply time. that and a ton of understanding. there will be one of you that has to do the large bulk of being the understanding and forgiving one. it'll basically come down to how much is that person going to be able let go, and how long they can keep it up.

it took 9 months before my ex and i were able to really hang out like real friends. in that time we had many fights over stupid things, and you have to be able to let that go without holding a grudge. if being friends is important enough, you'll get through those fights.

good luck. it is not easy for sure.
 
its not easy at all.

probably for me because its still so fresh.

hell in the last 24 hours i've gone from missing her to hating her to just being cool with her.

yesterday morning we ended up fighting over some dumb shit, and then by last night we were hanging out.

the hardest part really is getting over the feelings you once had. its definitely weird hanging out with her and not being able to kiss or hug her whenever i feel the need.

its an odd situation to be in.
 
Theoretically it's possible ....but it takes two very mature and un-attached (meaning both people have moved on regarding the relationship) people to do this. Stranger things have happened, but sometimes it is more drama than its worth. If it the ladder scenario than nip it in the bud. Naturally it will be easier for the dumper to be friends, than the dumpee. Ultimately it depends on how the two of you can function as friends.
 
My thoughts on this..

FRIENDS=Just a exusce to make the other person feel better and feel asthough everything is still kool and etc..

Whats the point of being friends?? The point of breaking up was or is to get away from the other person isnt it?

I wouldnt want to be extra good friends with a ex who I loved and broke it off with me and see them with another person and be ok with it.. thats strange to me...
 
Relationships dont always end badly tho lahlah - some end on ok terms. And this relationship in particular ended because we were both to involved with other things - work and tafe ect. And simply didnt have enough time for each other to give what was needed in a good relationship. I have still been speaking with him, and things are getting easier and easier! He knows that he can talk to me about anything, and I know that I can talk to him without being judged! He was the one who initially called it off, and was the one to make the move to be friends again. So, Im hoping that he has done that because he wants to be friends, not because he feels guilty (although I doubt that guilt would make someone call every day almost and sms all the time)
I just have to remember that I cared about him for a reason, and find that in him again and care about him as a friend. I know this all prob sounds weird .. but I am starting to work it out :) I am also very close with another ex of mine who I went out with when I was 15 - Im jus a loving person :p
 
I wasnt saying yours has, but personally for me and my opinon I agree with my statement..

Can you pass over your kindness to ex'ss wand?? hehe
 
i have a theory..

if you were friends before you started going out, the relationship shouldnt spoil a good friendship.

if you weren't friends before you started going out (as in you didnt know them) then why bother being friends. there was no friendship there at the start, so why try start one out of a hurtful situation?
 
its not that easy to be friends. i'm trying to be friends with my ex, but honestly anytime i talk to him.. it's really too painful.. for the time being i'm settling on improving myself..... i can't do anything to change anyone else's mind...
 
^^Good theory muzby

It can happen if both of you want the friendship, but enough time has to pass to the point that you're happy that they're happy...without you ;)
 
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