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Addiction Time to get Sober - Life Beyond Abstinence

Your landlord can't force you out even if they sell. Tenants come with any property sold and it is up to the new landlord to evict the tenants if they need the space for themselves. Just saying. ;)
Though, being ready is the obviously wise thing to do.

Also, sucks to see you back drinking, hope it's not causing you too much of a headache.
I've actually gone down a bad road since the plague started as well. Started drinking alon when social restrictions were in and that just got worse when restrictions loosened and pubs opened up and my degen friends showed up again.

And even worse, in the last month, I've started smoking again whilst drinking. It's only whilst drinking and it hasn't been every time I've been drinking and only at most 5 or so darts in an evening, but still.
Still, I still have no craving for a dart when I'm not drunk, so that's good.

Fucking plague fucked us up. I gotta finally test this MDMA I got in and go back to my MDMA and mushroom/ no drinking days. For real.

Wishing you well. :)
 
@SunriseChampion
Yes I recognize that she can’t kick me out (I did a brief review of the landlord tenant act when she sent the email haha) just because she’s selling.

However, I don’t want to pigeon hole myself and Be forced to pick from what’s available at/if the time comes that the new owner decides they want to renovate, move in/their family or whatever....as opposed to having more of a choice in the mean time.

I am more disappointed in being back to smoking cigs. I had >5 years off this crap and now I’m back to a half to a pack a day.

So be careful smoking when just drunk... it might just sneak up on you too

I ate some mdma the other day playing poker with friends / foafs ...first time in about a year... same stuff as a year ago... been sitting on the same stuff for a while. Reagents showed good results. Would love to test further but the place outta Vancouver that’s for free (getyourdrugstested.com) only uses ftir and I can’t afford to send it in to drugsdata at like 120usd

Been glowing ever since
But I’ve still drank most days since then

Gave myself til the 1st to get these habits .... we’ll see ha
 
Yeah, I'm a bit worried about the smoking sneaking back up on me. This gives me a very very very good reason to seriously cut back on my drinkning though so I'm hoping I'm able to take advantage of this opportunity and slay both beasts.

How is the housing market looking like where you're at?
Prices here have dropped significantly since the plague started. Around 20% in my building, for example. Vacancies have also gone up significantly, though I'm not aware of what the numbers may be.

What's 'ftir'?
 
Fourier-transform infrared spectroscopy. It has a limited scope for analyzing drugs as it requires a library reference sample and isn’t always accurate, from my limited understanding. You can read more about it on their website here

Housing looks kinda sparse here at the moment but the university announced most of its classes will be online for the fall semester, anyways, so I’m hoping that’ll increase our odds of finding a place.
 
I see.....our local does LCMS/GCMS which I understand is a decent method. I'm pretty sure you have to submit samples in person. I never did get around to checking it out after the plague hit and just ordered a massive testing kit that included everything the company was selling so am just going with that for now.

Yeah, I think with schools going online for a bit and the near-collapse of AirBnB and such, vacancies are soaring and prices are diving.
 
@SunriseChampion by local you mean Toronto (iirc)?

But yes LCMS/GCMS > ftir for sure. Test kits aren’t bad... all I’ve used for years tbh lol and with a full kit you’ll be able to rule out more adulterants and likely differentiate between primary and secondary amines (mda vs mdma)
 
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tired of crap said:
@SunriseChampion by local you mean Toronto (iirc)?
Click to expand...

The one and only biggest airport terminal in the world, yes. :D

But yes LCMS/GCMS > ftir for sure. Test kits aren’t bad... all I’ve used for years tbh lol and with a full kit you’ll be able to rule out more adulterants and likely differentiate between primary and secondary amines (mda vs mdma)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I bought every reagent known to man and then fentanyl tests and MDMA purity tests and all that noise. Pretty stoked to get started (I loaft on everything always) because once I do I know I'm going to go back to my pre-mostly drinking days and that will root me because I've become a bit detached from the person I was during the best years of my personal life and it's been a rough decade, even at the best of times.
 
Well as a birthday present to myself Ive managed to quit drinking.. its only beena week haha
I was hoping to hop off smoking cigs too but Im still struggling with depression and figured its less impactful on my daily activities so.... still smoking

I gotta find a way outta this funk.
Cardio is helping but Ive yet to incorporate strength exercises, likely due to poor diet choices (ive got no energy for that when Im not properly fed)

Id wager mindfulness would help keep me bouncing off the walls .. and began a cascade of better lifestyle choices
Yet I sit around doing f*** all instead.

Soon, but not right now
 
And now my cunt of a landlord has sold the place to someone who is not going to rent to us, despite the fact that she’d said she would only entertain such offers if it was on the market for too long (it’s been a week ffs)
 
It’s nothing earth shattering but given she said one thing and did another it’s frustrating

So all I wanted to do yesterday after work was drink.... but I managed to talk through it with some friends. Then I played some video games and had a nice walk with the neighbors and our kiddos....

fuck I’ll miss them if we have to move far, we were finally getting settled in this nice neighbourhood, the kids could run free and had a bunch of friends on the block... gah if I’d have known this would have been for only a year I wouldn’t have bothered
 
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Cut yourself a break that you haven't yet implemented a perfect, healthy lifestyle. You've stopped drinking, and that's huge. You're making improvements every day you stay sober -even if it doesn't feel like it all the time!
 
Thanks for your kind words @Rio Fantastic
I have to say though that Im not looking for perfection. Im merely disappointed that I had begun, for the millionth time lol, to get my life back on track. I was exercising (both cardio and strength) and stretching daily, eating healthy, engaging in mindfulness (albeit less regularly), getting outside and was partaking in my hobbies. Then a little life happens and now it feels like Im back to square one.

I drank the last couple of days.. but to my credit I didnt simply chug it all in one go - 6 beers last 2 days. Which, I recognize, isnt horrible. But its the reason I partook, escape, that bothers me. Same deal with the smoking.. I could live with the occasional smoke but a pack a day is a little much lol

Planning a mushroom trip tomorrow with a buddy...
He doesnt like to go deep, so Im hoping it wont be the typical dysphoric asskicking mushroom trips Ive grown to avoid lol
 
I am 15 days off heroin, and I find my mind groping for an escape ALL THE TIME. I don't even enjoy drinking, but the amount of times I've thought to myself "lets just go get a six pack" over these past 2 weeks is insane. I have to discipline myself though since if I give my brain some intoxicants it will use the lower inhibitions as an excuse to go get what it really wants, which isn't "just" alcohol, but some crack and then heroin. I hope that your mushroom trip is productive - will you drink beforehand?? I've heard that can increase the likelihood of a bad trip.

Have you stopped all your other healthy habits because of the drinking?? There's no reason you can't exercise and eat well and then have a couple of beers afterwards, you know?? I find myself engaging in similar all or nothing thinking, but I think it's a little unrealistic and harsh on myself.
 
@tired of crap , sorry for your housing problem! Covid has flushed out all the people with the means out of cities, and pushed them to the country. I do not know where you are, but NYC ic less 1.5 million cell numbers that has been pinging in the city 🤔😱.
The real estate market has NEVER been this crazy here. We listed a house 20% over value, and in 5 days we have two offers over list 🙄 it’s fucking nuts .
harm reduction is our goal here 6 beers over two days sounds like a lot of reduction 😇
 
Congrats on your abstinence from heroin Rio...how has that been going?

I didnt drink before, during or immediately after our trip. In fact I didn’t even drink Friday ... figured it’d only make me feel crappy heading into it. Besides I don’t really care much for the psychedelic/booze combo (unless you count M as psychedelic lol but even then I only drink if I keep both doses considerably modest).

Our trip went well. I only ate 3 grams (to match buddy). Not a whole lot of visuals but 0 mind fuck (which was nice, considering all that’s on my mind). Seemed super short tho. I was well on my way down by 3 hrs.

Buddy opened up a lot tho after peaking tho lol... poor guys super lonely since moving back to town and away from his girlfriend. And all this Covid shit and I’m basically the only friend who’ll actually see em.

Despite the decent trip I did drink a couple beers today tho. Idk why, I kinda like it I guess... but even two beers and once I come down I get a bit of a headache. So I made sure to hydrate and ate a decent dinner and it passed

Grabbed a pack of smokes too... despite not having had one in nearly 2 full days.
...
I am very much in the all or nothing crowd myself too. But it’s not just my substance use, I struggle to moderate many aspects of life (tv/video games, diet, exercise, substances).... so I suppose all my stints of abstinence from my various vices hasn’t taught me much, so I think I’ll try the moderation route for now and see how it goes

I’ve slowly been getting back into cardio (running, hiking and biking). Hoping to maintain that while getting back into my morning routine (yoga and mindfulness) this week.
 
Oih
Want to say I’ve been on the mend... but alas I’m still sliding. Get a few days here or there then I’m back to the slide

Had 5 days off nicotine, 3 off the booze then a Small stressor ... and I’m back again

Last week was a gong show... too much booze before I gave up again and bought smokes

Managed to find a place
But I’ll get the shaft with a tiny living room and bath... better. Than being homeless sure.... but fml we still had another 6 weeks

I want to start down a positive path... yet I keep on this path seemingly auto self destruction
 
Trying to quit nicotine and alcohol at the same time is insanely difficult! I would seriously recommend stopping one at a time. Personally I'd quit the booze first, since it lowers your inhibitions and makes it way harder to quit smoking. Keep smoking while quitting booze, then after a couple of weeks when you don't crave booze as much try quitting smoking. Are you going cold turkey? I found a vape with salt nicotine (the salt is important, regular e-liquid doesn't give me a nicotine hit and so no satisfaction but nicotine salt does) let me quit literally painlessly. People congratulated me on quitting and I just told them it took 0 willpower. If you don't want to vape or you are already then there are effective medications to help. If you keep trying to quit both then end up relapsing on both I think it's a sign you ought to try one at a time! The problem is in the current situation if you relapse on one you relapse on both, and you are compounding the cravings by stopping both and depriving your brain of 2 substances it craves.

Just a thought! Hope you find your way. Congrats on the house. I'd suggest quitting booze and replacing it with something. I replaced my DOC with exercise, and after making myself go once or twice I conditioned myself to love the buzz, and am now loving the progress - lifting heavier weights and watching my body slowly change. Exercise is a cliche suggestion because it works - it's the only thing in the world that can increase your serotonin, dopamine and endorphins in a way that's sustainable, healthy & doesn't cause a comedown. As has been said before, if the benefits of exercise came in a pill it would be the most widely prescribed pill in the world and lauded as a miracle cure, but it's written off by people who don't want to put in the effort. Seriously, try quitting the booze and let yourself smoke while you do that and then you can focus entirely on quitting the nicotine after that's done.
 
Has anyone been able to get off methadone with an alcohol dependency? And a xanax dependency. Cold turkey off 65mg 5 weeks ago. I did take a few subs after around 8 days which seemed to make it worse. Tried it again a couple weeks later and did feel a tad. So stopped. Around 10 days 100% opiate free.

Been through methadone withdrawal many times. Its not bad. However this is the 1st dealing with alcohol on top. My drinking really spiraled out of control this past 2 years and then REALLY went out of control once the lockdown. Just drinking morning to night. Wanted off the clinic but they wouldn't taper me. So just walked out.

Dropped my drinking immediately as well. To as little as possible. Pushing it farther and farther into the day. But have had some serious scary episodes. When I feel the alcohol withdrawal coming I start tingling and zapping. Many times felt like I was going to pass out being sucked into a black hole. 2 beers will kill the zaps. But it wears off fast and then anxiety kicks up. Only to ramp into the next cycle. Its horrid.

Simply scared im gonna fall out in the middle of the street, or alone in my apartment. Seems once I get to 24 hours it starts.

What do you think I should do? Thinking 3 options.

1) Continue. Simply make sure I keep a little beer in me every 12 hours or so. Sadly this will hurt as you will pay for drinking in withdrawal.
2) Subs are worthless here and have an unlimited supply for near free. Perhaps try stabilizing on 1mg and kicking the beer. Wait a month, then kick the subs. But these always give me headaches and chest pain. No idea why.
3) Upping my xanax dose and continue. This is a tough one since don't have a script and only have a limited amount. Was down to 1mg a day, but taking closer to 2mg now. My goal is to switch to valium once off the opiates, found a doc that will help once I am off the opiates for a while. So don't want to blow my tolerance (even if I could)

I think I am fucked either way..

Don't want to waste all this work I put in when it may be possible to continue as is. However I have very little appetite, which I not normal. I should be devouring food by this point. So something is certainly wrong...

I know its been done and I can untangle this mess I have gotten into. Thanks.

EDIT: Going with #2. Just a tiny dose for a bit to kick this beer to give me some gaba. Only been drinking 4 a day so will do 2 today and maybe 0 tommorow. But do not think this is a healthy cycle. And don't want to test my luck. Alcohol must go before opiates. Tired of smelling the liquor store anyway. Almost fell out in that place too. The smell went so deep into me. Fuck never thought I would get to a point where I am hedging withdrawal lol. Did lower my addictions a ton, though. Learned a lot. Off the clinic and we'll see how much these subs will work. 1-2mg should do the trick.
 
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Wow. Such a crazy feeling to slowly being pulled out of withdrawal. You can feel it slowly working through your body. Been a while for that one.

Same as when I took them after methadone, but reverse feeling the subs ripping out of my back. lol

Got a bunch of the 12mg, so just took half. Seems to be working.

Whats the quickest way to get subs? Offer a junkie in active addiction some xanax. He will come in 10 minutes. lol. I saw his dope too and was crap. I am lucky there is no more dope here :) If he had some fire, would of for sure took a few bumps. Looked like drywall and even saw red specs of plastic from the dorms and he is IVing it. Those guys just dump dorms in the blender and the plastic gets grinded up. Unreal. I think some people get to a level and will IV anything. I remember IV'ing stuff I knew wasn't right (its unreal the power of dope has). Risk your life to get money, Risk your life getting high.

Anyways, moral of the story. Don't cold turkey methadone with a alcohol dependency. Won't work and very dangerous I think.
 
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