Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash
by Edward Hazel
My life can be summed up in one word: “Belief”. Yes, it’s true, everything I’ve done or accomplished in my life was driven by the desire to find a truth that satisfied all my questions regarding belief.
My dad was a Southern Baptist preacher; I joined his religion when I was 6 years old while he was getting his Master of Divinity degree at the New Orleans Southern Baptist seminary during the early 1960s. By this time, I had two younger brothers: Randall, who was born in Tennessee before moving to New Orleans; and Dwayne, who was born in New Orleans.
Growing up as a preacher’s kid had advantages and disadvantages. As a family we moved around a lot following my dad’s lead and calling as a minister. None of us, as a family, questioned God’s authority as we all assumed Dad was doing God’s will. Looking back as an adult and moving out of that environment, I see how truly dysfunctional our lives were, but when you are born into a toxic environment you learn how to cope with what you know.
I believe life has a way of making things right no matter the life you are born into. It is my experience that life has come full circle by answering the Big Question, Belief. God, religion, faith, Christianity. Why? I’ve learned to respect everyone’s right to believe as they choose; there is no right or wrong way to believe or not to believe.
What I am saying is my lifelong search for answers regarding God, faith, religion, believers and nonbelievers has been satisfied beyond any doubt or further research. I am 72 years old; my entire life has been a trip, and my trip alone unlike any other life. Cherish what you have and who you are, for there has never been nor will there ever be another person like you. Do what you do without regret or remorse because those things will hold you back. Make amends with your past and forgive yourself when amends cannot be made directly. Be true to yourself and to others because lies will catch up to you sooner or later. Be whoever you want to be but at the end of the day, you are all you have—don’t be disappointed by the company you keep.
I was a former member of the psychedelic drug culture community for three years until psychosis made it impossible for me to continue using. It was the end of summer, before school started when our family moved to the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.
There was a lot going on in the world back then and the counterculture was at the heart of it all, protesting the war, burning draft cards, smoking weed and getting high on various drugs. My dad would drive the family into Atlanta down Peachtree Street aka the Strip to see the hippies as if we were visiting a zoo looking at strange creatures from a different land.
Everything about psychedelics fascinated me: the music, the bands, and the drugs that made it all happen. MDA was easily available, not so much LSD, mescaline, or mushrooms. However, my excessive use of MDA triggered psychosis that was diagnosed as borderline schizophrenia. I do not believe psychedelics cause mental illness; however, use may trigger a preexisting condition.
I stopped taking psychedelics because of mental health concerns, however, a year ago on my 70th birthday I had a resurgence of interest in psychedelics like the interest I had many years ago in my youth. Once again, I felt I needed time for intellectual growth and enlightenment.
Years and years of prescribed medications designed to help me cope with depression and prevent psychosis seldom were effective, not to mention the undesirable side effects that accompanied them. I wanted out, so I put my faith in psychedelics as an alternative to antidepressants and antipsychotics that flattened my mind and body.
I joined Bluelight.org to reconnect to the vibrant community I was once a part of, for inspiration and support. I actively participated in forum discussions and made a point of welcoming new members to the community. Administration needed forum moderators, so I submitted a brief history about myself and was selected as a volunteer staff moderator for the New Member Introductions and Sex, Love and Relationships forums. More recently I also became moderator of the Trip Reports forum.
After retiring in 2021, I had a difficult time trying to find purpose in life. Joining Bluelight.org was like continuing the work I was trained to do in substance and alcohol use and the mental health field. I am grateful for the opportunity to give back to the community I love and have been a member of for 55 years.
Thank you, Bluelight.org!
Edward Hazel (aka M!$TER-ED) was born in 1954. The 1970s were the greatest years of his life. So much was happening then: the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam War protests, hippies, Woodstock, the feminist movement, gay rights, the sexual revolution, Richard Nixon, Watergate and psychedelics.